KING LOS - podcast episode cover

KING LOS

Aug 10, 202548 min
--:--
--:--
Download Metacast podcast app
Listen to this episode in Metacast mobile app
Don't just listen to podcasts. Learn from them with transcripts, summaries, and chapters for every episode. Skim, search, and bookmark insights. Learn more

Episode description

Happy weeknd guys this might be the deepest, most gripping, most inspiring conversation we've ever had Alexis welcomes brilliant wordsmith King Los, the guest touches on few meaningful topics such as love, life and death. You do not want to miss this one..

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/private-talk-with-alexis-texas--6163623/support.

Transcript

Speaker 1

I know that you have.

Speaker 2

I haven't wanted to do with any of any many interviews. So I feel blessed that you took the time to come on Private Talk and.

Speaker 1

Let us get to know you a little bit better. King Loos.

Speaker 3

Yeah, thank you. You have a good tone, you have a good we might have to do like a song or something like put you on a song or something like.

Speaker 2

My phone sex operator voice. It changes as soon as like it tops in.

Speaker 3

It changes as soon as you get on a mic, which is crazy because most people it's reversed, like people have a really good voice and then you get them on a mic and it's like nothing.

Speaker 1

Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2

I feel like it comes into my character. It's just like you know, it's part of Lexis Texas, is a part.

Speaker 1

Who I am, and so Talk wants to know who you are today.

Speaker 3

Let's find it out. Let's figure it out.

Speaker 1

I'll find it out.

Speaker 3

Who is this guy?

Speaker 2

Who is this guy on my couch? So you're a musician, a songwriter, you do it all. You've got your green juice. You've already were schooling me on some knowledge before we started rolling. I like the vibe, I like the energy. So I'm excited to get to know you a little bit better on my own terms on somebody else's potform.

Speaker 3

Let's cool, we're here, let's go.

Speaker 1

So what kind of projects do you have going on right now?

Speaker 3

Well, I'm working on what I like to call three three three, and I have three projects that I'm about to release this year because it's been three years since I put out music. So it's been three years since I put out music. I'm releasing three projects at three separate times.

Speaker 2

So now it is a significant based off of what we were speaking earlier about.

Speaker 3

The numbers, it's kind of happened that way, or.

Speaker 2

I was gonna say, or is it organic that it just kind of like manifested into that.

Speaker 3

It manifested into that, But it's it fits perfect with the narrative, right, So yeah, three three three, And the first project is called Internet Boyfriend, where I'm releasing that on Valentine's Day. Hi romantic, Yeah, it is, I mean it is some I get into some romantic shit.

Speaker 1

Internet boyfriends can be romantic.

Speaker 3

They are, though I've had a couple.

Speaker 1

I have Only fans they are.

Speaker 3

I have a song on it called only Fans. There's a song called Only Fans. And it's like my interpretation of it is like I'm your only fan, like my love for you or my admiration for you. It's so deep that I'm your only fan, Like of course you have a million fans, but I'm really your only fan, like I'm locking in like that, you know. So it's not just so facetious or you know, it's still that connection,

you know what I mean. So it's like my twist on everything, and it's an R and B based project, which is out of my normal Is that your favor, Well, that's out of my normal element. So that's like my not only my breaking out of like expanding myself sonically and giving my fans something different. I'm also it's also my tribute to women in general, just the realization that I've come to with just the frequency of women and how much they mean to the happiness and importance of

where we are in society. And I feel like when the Woman started, there was a time when the woman was really elated and every it seemed like everything was good right and the world was like so good, And then it got to this time where I feel like music overall just really was just disrespectful to women and women are the biggest consumers of music, right, And how what is it when you have to hear a song when you want to dance, right, you want to move your body, You just want to And then what you're

moving to is like.

Speaker 1

You're saying the lyrics, but you're not really like under.

Speaker 3

At the same time, right, So it's almost like you're just getting the best of whatever you can get and your tak taking. And I feel like at that point everything changed because I'm from the era where before social media, where you had to have real rap game, like you, if you ran up on a girl, you had to have everything ready or be that spontane is in the moment right and get her attention, make her laugh, be engaging and then land the phone number right, call her later, have more conversation.

Speaker 1

Just slide on the DMS and say it, here's my number.

Speaker 3

Yeah. And it wasn't already this preconceived thing of like, oh, let me look at your page, Oh you're lit now automatically fuck with you right. No, it was like you had to be on the phone all night, convince her and oh, come on, let's link up. I missed the old days that was, but that process is so organic, right, and now it's like.

Speaker 2

But I feel like we're preconditioned to feel those But it's like you said, if it's the songs that you hear more like repetity over and over and over again, you start to believe those words.

Speaker 1

Unfortunately, that's just kind of how it is.

Speaker 2

It's the same thing about manifesting what you want to happen in life.

Speaker 3

You know.

Speaker 2

It's kind of how beaking spell twenty two you catch twenty two, right, we.

Speaker 3

Speak in spells. So my whole thing is about love on that particular project and just appreciating women and bringing more of the fantasy back like you know when dudes used to say shit like we call it corny now, but back when they say like I give you the moon and the stars, right, Like, you know you can't actually do that, but the notion in itself is so

grand as a gesture like whoa really? You know, just that will open up a whole nother part to me of a woman where now you can explore something deeper in her than just the surface. And that's what I'm more so about. So that's what the project is about. And I feel like the music does that.

Speaker 2

Do you feel like that's kind of evolved, like where you are in your life that you felt like you kind of went through the disrespectful part with women, and now you maybe something kind of happened or you know, it's such a situation in your life and then made you kind of more soft and realize what the love of a woman could really be as beautiful as it could be.

Speaker 3

I've never been in the disrespectful part, but.

Speaker 2

Not maybe disrespectful as far as even I've never been in that.

Speaker 3

I've never been a part of that frequently not who you are, it's not who I am. But you know what I did, I did neglect though, because when I realized this shit, I was like, oh fuck. I realized that for all the years that I've been rapping, I've been catering to men. Like lyrics, punchlines, metaphors, all these intricate ass ways of expressing myself lyrically were for men,

men's approval. For everywhere I'll go right now, there's not a place I can go without a man saying yo, yo yo, when you said such and such, and it's like everywhere I go it's men men men, And I'm like, but I'm an actual fly motherfucker. Like I'm supposed to be having conversations with women and I'm supposed to be engaging with women in my music, and I failed to do that for so many years. So I started picking up like being more melodic and like singing, and it

turned into a whole thing. It just turned into like now I'm making full fledged love songs and shit. So it's part of my evolution for sure.

Speaker 1

Do you have sex to your own love songs? Have I?

Speaker 2

Have?

Speaker 3

I had sex to my own?

Speaker 2

Acquiring minds want to know because I feel like it's always like a question.

Speaker 3

The world will have sex to my new ship?

Speaker 2

Well that's hot, but it's like, you know, it's you're your own biggest fan in a sense you have to be to be an artist, you know, like to be into like the whole thing. So it's like, do you listen to your stuff on repeat and when you're having biggest fan?

Speaker 1

No?

Speaker 3

No, I don't think that there's anybody living that could fuck with me though, Like I think when it comes to lyrics, lyrics, not singing, but lyrics, like I'm the baddest motherfucker.

Speaker 2

But then how can you say those words and not think that you're your biggest fan. Like that's that that takes a lot of you know, career, courage and be all these things.

Speaker 1

There's a lot of people out there.

Speaker 2

There's a lot of people that you know do stuff, but it doesn't mean that they're the best. But how do you not say that you're your own biggest fans?

Speaker 3

To be honest with you, I'm still learning how to experience myself.

Speaker 1

So you're not good at taking compliments.

Speaker 3

I love them, I don't. I don't maybe like.

Speaker 2

A lot to like actually like meaning it so onether thing that's be like, okay, been nice and be polite or whatever, but feeling.

Speaker 1

What that is.

Speaker 2

I feel like for myself, people'd be like when I went to Aben in Vegas orre like you're a legend, I'm like, oh, that's weird, and not that it's because I don't feel that and in some sense, but to me, I'm not at that point yet because I haven't reached my fullest potential and not to me is you know, legend means different things to a lot of people. So it's like maybe it's just you don't feel that you're at your fullest potential of what it is, but doesn't mean that that's not true.

Speaker 3

Yeah, my take on it is just a little bit different. I know I've mastered a lot of the human element, so but I don't spend much time in a human capacity, like I'm always on like the ethereal realm. I'm always like I'm in the cosmo so much that I'll do some shit and not realize what I did. Like when I went on Sway in the morning, and I have been wanting to go there for forever, like, Yo, we're not going Sway in the morning. I'm gonna kill it.

But my biggest element on the Internet, that my biggest draw is the fact that I can freestyle, Like I can just make it up on the spot right there, right. So of course I didn't prepare because I'm like, I don't have to prepare. I was going to freestyle. So I went to Sway and we did some things where he was like I asked him. I was like, yo, you want to just throw our words? You throw our words and I just run it right, so boom, we do that shit and I'm doing it. And when I left,

I was massively underwhelmed with myself. Like when I was walking out, I was like, yeah, I didn't kill it. I didn't kill it, Like it's weird.

Speaker 1

I didn't kill it, and everyone else thought you killed them.

Speaker 3

The world thought I killed it, and I mean, what ten million viral, ten million years later everybody. That's everyone's reference point for me. Now yo, yo just sway in the morning, I show all my friends that, like, they skip all my work and they go to that moment. So when I'm saying I'm not my biggest fan, I'm not. That's not the first thing I would show people when people were like, yo, show me some stuff of you. But if someone else said, Yo, let me show you

something of lows, they would show that. Right. So I'm not my biggest fan in that sense, you know, because I'm still experiencing what it is that people get from that. I have to go sit down and watch the reactions, watch people doing the you know, you know, they do the breakdowns, and I want to see what I'm learning, what it is that people actually receive from those moments that it makes it more elated than the things that I think is dope. But I'm on, like I said, I'm somewhere up there.

Speaker 2

That's some big, like bigger artistry type things. Because it's like it's your craft. It's something that you like, no one else could see the inside of your brain.

Speaker 3

But you I don't even like watching my like.

Speaker 2

You know, I'm the same way. I never watched anything I ever did. I'm like, if other people like it, then that I must be doing something right, because I'm not. I just critique myself to the point where it's like it's just like yourself.

Speaker 1

To the like, or it's like you get like I get annoyed with myself.

Speaker 3

I don't watch my interviews.

Speaker 2

I used to not even leave like voice messages because I'd be a note with my voice, which.

Speaker 3

Yeah, I would see like my interviews and not want like not watch them. Or like even when I did a Rhythm and Flow on Netflix, everybody was amped up when it was coming on, and I was like, I didn't even want to watch it, Like after I just filmed this whole season and I didn't even want to sit down and watch it.

Speaker 2

But there's that because of your critiqueness or is it because you're like I already lived it, like I already did it.

Speaker 3

I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's some nervousness too maybe it's nervousness too.

Speaker 1

Maybe I feel like maybe the feedback whatever.

Speaker 2

But then it's like you're probably like you said, you're so like a into some things that you'll watch it from apart, like from a side or leant another feedback, but you don't want to watch it with nobody.

Speaker 3

You know what it is, man, I'm a perfectionist real and I'm always feeling like I could improve something. But maybe I'm too hard on myself because There's been times when I look back and I re listened to something and it was amazing, and I'm like, oh, I slept on that shit, Like I just did that with this other song I wrote called Runaway, and I slept on it when I first did it, and now I listened to it yesterday and I'm like, Yo, this shit is

a masterpiece. So again, maybe because I'm trying to humanize myself a lot more to I wasn't really open to like feeling a lot, you know. And I think that's another reason why I missed the females early on, Because.

Speaker 2

Do you feel like we were suppressing it because of like earlier things on in life that you didn't want it, Like those feelings.

Speaker 3

When I was sixteen, my father was murdered. And when that happened, I started to express myself in writing and through literature. So I was reading you know, Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson, I got Allan Poe, Shakespeare, and I was studying all the nuances and mechanisms of writing. Like I just basically put myself into that whole scope of literature and writing.

Speaker 2

Because that's how you wanted to express yourself or how you could.

Speaker 3

Be latching onto something that I that I found interesting, and I just went deep, deep, deep into that and that turned into rap music.

Speaker 1

Right were you when you started rapping?

Speaker 3

Well, when I started writing, I was sixteen when my dad died, right, But when I started rapping, I was like around eighteen. It was like high school. And when I when I went to this high school, these kids was, you know, at the lunch table something. No, they was rapping. I was looking. I'm like, I could do that, you know, because I'm fast, I'm witty, I'm funny, I can make a joke. And it was more like like.

Speaker 1

Your timing was like way ahead of everybody else.

Speaker 3

It ended up being because when I when I first started, I didn't know I didn't know, right, But it was just more like snapping on each other, but with rhymes and stuff. Oh you wear glasses, you four eyes and whatever, right, and I'm like, oh, I got jokes and ship when I slid and did when everybody went crazy, I was kind of looking shit.

Speaker 1

They like it like I'm funny, right, I'm funny.

Speaker 3

And then I already knew I was funny though, because I always was class clown, always was you know, I'm that guy. So I just started adding. So what I would do is I would finish my work early and write a rap before lunch so.

Speaker 2

You could be ready to go. I'm a battle at the lunch so ready.

Speaker 3

It was a thing like I'm walking down the hallway. It's like the rocky theme music, you.

Speaker 1

Know, dum you go. You ready to get the lunch. Lunch time ain't change.

Speaker 3

Right now, man. And it was a thing. And that's that was the birth of that was the birth of me rapping and getting into this craft. And you know so, but I immediately went for astronomical. I skipped everything in the middle, like I went for like when I realized I had something, I went for like the greatest way you can express shit.

Speaker 1

Zero undred.

Speaker 3

I went from zero to one hundred. So I was like challenging the way I write shit. So I was like, yeah, I want to write a rhyme where it has straight a's, like every word starts with A in the entire rhyme, like just saying bizarre shit to she's fast, she's quick in part two you'll be in part two, right, right?

Speaker 2

But you know, but that's talent though, like going everything and like even not just as talented to do and actually master that, but even to think that idea, to do that, to make your mind because you're basically challenging your mind.

Speaker 3

You're making your share. You know what we share? What we share, we share audaciousness. It's the audacity, right, And I think that's the because the mind and body can't separate chemical reaction, Like, right, you don't know, the mind doesn't know, the body doesn't know crack cocaine from sugar. It's because it's a chemical reaction, same thing released in sex. So we're looking for this chemical because the biochemistry of

who we are, right, So audacity, same thing. Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan, Mike Tyson, this like, oh you want them? If there's three seconds left and you want to take the shot.

Speaker 1

Right, I'm going for it.

Speaker 3

It takes such so much audacity to do things. And when people can do that, like you notice sometimes right, the guys who have the most audacity is the ones the girls be like, hmm, it's mysterious, Like I wonder what makes you so fucking confident? What makes you think that you know? And I think that's one of the

qualities that I have that we all share intrinsically. When people do stuff that's so daring that that you know, the public be like right, and you're like fuck that, like right, and that rebellious, that rebellious shit, And so that's what I That's what the inception of my thoughts are. I'm like, one day I was in my room. I was super poor, and I'm just in this little room.

It was so small and I have posters of every rapper wrapped around the whole wall in the room was so small that my bed took up half the room and it was just so small as it's sneakers everywhere, and just like I remember this room like it was yesterday, and I was like, I'm going to be the best rapper, Like one day I'm going to be the best rapper.

Speaker 1

And at what age was this?

Speaker 3

This was like after high school, so maybe like nineteen twenty.

Speaker 2

Yeah, but that's I mean, for me, it was the sense where I was like, I don't know why or how, but people are going to have my name in their mouth. People are gonna know me. And that's just what it isn't.

Speaker 3

Know why your things in their mind. That's a bar that's that.

Speaker 1

But that's really like what it was. I'm from a small town, not knowing whatever.

Speaker 2

I didn't see are you from? I'm from a small town outside of San Antonio.

Speaker 3

What's it called.

Speaker 2

It's called Castroville, Texas. Castraville, Yes, very small, like twenty two hundred people. Yeah, so it was really small and it was like one of those things that no offense to any of the people that were there. But I didn't fit in there, like a really like white place. Yes, yes, predominantly white Mexican of race. But it's like, so I'm a military brat, so we were there. I was born in Panama and I was raised in Texas there and so for me, for whatever reason, I just didn't ever fit in.

And I you know, I did all the things we were supposed to do. I went, you know, I graduated all that stuff, but I just didn't see myself dating, marrying, fucking let alone any of the people that were in my town because it just I saw more.

Speaker 1

I didn't know what more was at the time.

Speaker 3

And you know, later on were you attracted to?

Speaker 1

What was I attracted too?

Speaker 2

I see For me, I've always feel like I'm a wandering soul of sorts, and so for me, I know that I have talents, but I don't like I have multiple talents. It's not just one thing that I focused on laser focus and was like, oh, I'm gonna do it. So I just feel like I kind of just stumbled upon into the adult industry. So I feel like it was like I got into it being it was a

reality type thing that came over. I was twenty one, and I kind of went to the thing where they were trying to get girls that in college that had never done scenes before. It was college college amateur tour, YadA, YadA, YadA. Long story short, the guy came in, I was like, I told him no. He called me the next day and I was like, I didn't like rejection, and I was like, he didn't want me in.

Speaker 1

Your movie anyways?

Speaker 2

And he was like, oh my god, I didn't think you would want to ended up doing a movie.

Speaker 1

A couple of months later, I moved.

Speaker 2

He texted or he called me, and I went to Florida and then moved to LA a week later. Again, didn't know what that really was going to do, but it was something that I felt like he needed to be here. So I feel like it's kind of opened and spiraled part of why my name is in people's man now, why my name is in people's mouth. But yeah, so you know, but I didn't know.

Speaker 1

What that is.

Speaker 3

But I just knew those experiences.

Speaker 1

I definitely do.

Speaker 2

I feel like, you know, I've had nothing but a great career in the adult industry. It's done nothing but give things to me as far as knowing who I or realizing who I was as a woman, things that I liked. What I didn't like, being comfortable in my own skin, being a curvy girl, not really you know, super skinny, and even was getting in the industry at the time.

Speaker 1

It was everyone I didn't look like anybody. I was a curvy girl.

Speaker 2

Everyone had fake big boobs, bleach blonde hair like ninety pounds and that's never gonna be me. So it was just one of those things like man, do I fit in or not? But you know, for me, it wasn't about fitting in. It was like go big or go home, and I wasn't going home, and so I made Alexis tax associates.

Speaker 3

That's crazy.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

But even from all of that, you know, like you said, you being in your room, you having all these greatest rappers on there, and you're being like, I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna be the best.

Speaker 3

Right.

Speaker 1

Who are your top three rappers at that time?

Speaker 3

At that time? No, no, at that time, my top three rappers were Big l Nas and Cannabis at that time and currently currently my favorite rappers Andre three thousand.

Speaker 1

All right, I can see that.

Speaker 3

Yeah, he's the goat to me.

Speaker 1

Yourself, I don't put myself on it. If we're doing You're the greatest.

Speaker 3

No, no, if, because that's a different list, okay if. Yeah, I don't feel like nobody could fuck with me. I smoke everybody. But hmmm, I just tell you my three favorite artists because I don't know if I got three favorite rappers. Okay, Andre three thousand, Frank Ocean and The Weekend Nice like, those are my three favorite artists.

Speaker 1

Those are all equally Yeah, you.

Speaker 3

See that, you see that, you see that, though you see where that goes.

Speaker 1

I see them. You know what I'm saying, You're a thinker. I like that. It's like one of those things that you know.

Speaker 2

It's like you said, you're in like a different dimensional thinker you can do.

Speaker 3

I'm an interdimensional being for sure. I'm definitely I'm definitely not here, you know, I'm just this is my representative.

Speaker 2

Where do you think that that kind of like that kind of thinking, Where did that start in your life? And how did you unlock those things to get to where you are now?

Speaker 3

I feel like it comes from my ancestors, and I feel like I started tapping into them around thirty three and they started just giving me answers and telling me shit. And I haven't really like people. People ask me like, so, what what five books are you reading or and I'm like, I don't read books, you know. I feel like the best book you ever read is yourself, and the greatest story you ever write is your own. So yeah, I'm

just in the cosmos constantly. I'm downloading, uploading, and I'm just existing, you know, not trying to do too too much, but just be me and have that self love and then you.

Speaker 1

Know, sit authentic.

Speaker 3

Yeah, I mean it has to be organic because we don't know what authentic isn't I don't really have a definition for that, but I'll say organic, right, because it could be someone's complete opposite idea.

Speaker 2

Right.

Speaker 3

But if it's organic and it's natural, that's the shit I fuck with.

Speaker 2

Well that's why I feel like for why I didn't ever watch my you know, anything I did or things like that, is because I'd rather just be me and like no regrets and no.

Speaker 3

Like their apologies, any shame.

Speaker 1

No, I didn't have any shame. I feel like I had.

Speaker 3

Like somewhere subconscious deep, was there any because we know life is duality, so was there any lingering? Maybe at one point did you think am I Am I doing the right thing?

Speaker 1

I don't think early on.

Speaker 2

I think later on, just because growing evolving and like having different people in your life and people shunning you for certain things and appraising you for others and things like that and kind of navigating your life through that, I think possibly the thought of but I like to this day, no, and there's nothing that I've done in my life or my career that I feel like has been like hasn't happened for a reason, Like things happen

naturally for a reason. It got me to where I am today, if you know, the choices that I've made or whatever. But I feel like it's made me stronger and really realize who I am ner me, not just the outer part of me and what people want me to be for. And that's I think also with having my podcast, it's like the first time, like people know I'm good at adult movies, but nobody knows what I think, how I think, how I operate, how I speak, how if I'm funny, if I'm fucking boring as fuck, Like

people don't know. So this was like a chance in a platform to meet new people and show and express my character that I'm not just one dimensional. There's so much more to me. And this was kind of like the way my way of bringing it out.

Speaker 3

What is your OnlyFans content?

Speaker 2

Like my OnlyFans content is like the only adult thing I do still, which is only solo stuff, but you can find a lot of different things from solo videos.

Speaker 1

I do a lot of custom videos.

Speaker 2

I do more the like editorial, like beautifulness of a woman from my perspective, and things that I do and like my everyday life. So for me, that's the only place that my fans can see any of my real life anywhere, like anywhere opening up, because I'm not a type of person like, yes, I have Instagram and I use it for branding and for marketing, but I don't show my not on there on my stories showing my whole life like this out of that. So that kind of gives that side of the Alexis Texas.

Speaker 3

So the other stuff is kind of your past at this point.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I haven't shot movies in over three years. Yeah, I always say three. I'm sure it's probably longer now, but three, Yeah, three is following. I believe in all those things. I feel like I we spoke earlier about. You know that you know that it's it's third. Is it three or thirty three or just three and three?

Speaker 3

It's three three three, and it's three six nine. My birthday is three two three, which is which is both of them three two three because three and the three is a six and the three and three is also a nine. So my birthday is three two three, which is actually three six nine, you know.

Speaker 2

So that's why for me right now, I'm in like the energy wise of like crystals and like healing elements and like things that are like factual, me go.

Speaker 3

Somewhere else, you finished, because you're gonna go into different realm for sure.

Speaker 2

And that's why I feel like I get what you're saying. I don't fully understand all of it at that potential right now because it's just green to me, but it's yeah, it's one of those things I truly believe in that.

Speaker 1

I feel like that it's real.

Speaker 3

You know what. The most powerful thing that you can say is I don't know that's true. That's what people struggle with. People struggle with the unknown and embracing it. When you embrace the unknown, that's when you open up the power of knowing. But when you pretend you know everything or you don't know it and now you just say I believe it, belief is corrosive to truth. Because let's say you believe that you're going to be a

huge star one day. Right, we'll attribute that to something good because we believe positively, right, But what about the ten thousand people that believed you wouldn't never be shit. So now do we discount belief because they believed opposite, or do we just take belief in itself and say it's not even a necessity right facts, it's what you know and it's what you don't know, and when you can admit you don't know something.

Speaker 1

For sure.

Speaker 2

And that's where I feel like the work never stops and people think like, oh, like I healed.

Speaker 1

No, I feel like it's like a process.

Speaker 2

So that's why with me is like after you know, I was married and I got divorced over five years ago, but it's like since then it was a journey of healing, not just healing from that, but healing myself and why I got myself in the situations like that, And so that's why it's like and because of you know, COVID and everything now is it kind of gave me. Before I was like I was on the road all the time, so I didn't have time to sit and think with

my thoughts. Now I had more time to be like, Okay, there's things that you need to work on still, or maybe you suppress this, you pushed it down so far like you really still have.

Speaker 1

An issue with it or not, And you know, a lot of it didn't have to do with him at all.

Speaker 2

It was all personal, you know, all journeys and things like that, and that was the thing. Is like not blaming someone other than yourself because we put ourselves into those positions.

Speaker 3

And educated, upgraded woman. Let's go. So a lot of the conversations that I'm having on Clubhouse and just in life are about accountability. And so I have this thing why I say, you're never supposed to be in love.

Love is supposed to be in you. And I think the concept of falling in love is I think it's a false narrative, and I think the rhetoric of that is why we always get so hurt right as people, because it's like, if I feel some way about you, it's energy right, and we can call it love, right, But the only love you can really have is the love you have for yourself, and through the love that you have for self, you share that experience with whoever

it is that you feel those ways about. So let's say I feel those ways about you, right, but I don't have self love.

Speaker 1

It's going to be miserable your first before you can love, it's going to.

Speaker 3

Be miserable for you that I'm putting this entitlement on you because of these feelings I have, but I can't even substantiate for self the things that I need to do for self, So I'll constantly be looking for you to fill the voids, and when you don't, that's when I'm unhappy. So that's when I'm this guy.

Speaker 1

Is this why your whole perception, like the whole fairy tale thing.

Speaker 3

Of why do you really want to get into that shit? I dim do you really want to get into this?

Speaker 2

Because for me, I feel like and you know, as a woman growing you know, growing up and whatever you're you're told, oh there's a like this is also why I feel like I left because it's like one man is for you? This is what is I don't believe that. I feel like you have journeys and you have soulmates throughout life and not necessarily having to be married or with you know, dating or whatever, but why you meet certain people energetically or not and kind of coexist that way.

So for me, I didn't see a prince charming that I know what. I don't need to be saved. I can save myself and so you know what I mean, Like is the idea great and is it cool, yes, but if the perception is is like also for myself, is I have to do the work to.

Speaker 1

Love what you know, who I am, to allow.

Speaker 2

You to love me correctly because and if I don't communicate that with you, which is the problem I feel like a lot of times today is that you, like you said, you could want me to let or love me and fall in love with me whatever, but I don't know the reasons of why you need me to love you the same way, and then.

Speaker 3

What about the things you need in return? And then so here you are being someone's crutch, which we love people for, right where like you know, you were just there for me, and I mean and really that's not it though, because as grand of a gesture as it is to be there for someone, when you leave, they fall, They just fall, and so you're enabling them to be disabled. And I know we love to do that, right, But

the thing is support. I'm here to support you. I'm not here to fix the things in your past because I could, that's my job I could do beautifully of like, honestly, I'm so eloquent with words and I'm so like I got so much love to give. I could honestly do that for somebody, but I wouldn't want to damage that journey.

Speaker 2

That this That's why I feel like it's not authentic or organic or in whatever situation is.

Speaker 1

Because you want to tell you.

Speaker 2

Want to You're telling me what I want to hear, what you think I want to hear, you're not doing Like so my perception of what my love story is and your love story and we're in the same relationship could completely be two different stories.

Speaker 3

What if we never know each other?

Speaker 1

Facts?

Speaker 3

What about the people? Right? Because I think far out shit all day? Right? So what about this? What about this pattern? This life pattern? I think this is a funny life pattern. I don't know you, I've never met you. I want to know you, I see you, I get to meet you. Now we're friends, then we fall in love, then I hate you. Then I wish I never knew you, which I never meant you, and now I don't know you anymore.

Speaker 1

Facts?

Speaker 3

What about that shit? So in the middle of that, were we supposed to uphold some unwritten law of you and meism that like it's not real.

Speaker 2

But that's why I feel like for certain things, you're meant to meet that person.

Speaker 1

But it's okay that they go away.

Speaker 3

It's okay that they go away. But what's this in the middle time when it's like, you didn't make me happy, you didn't do that, and it's like, hold on, you realize that one day we're gonna hate each other not know each other. Right, Like I'm just I'm being facetious, but I'm just saying, like all the people that meet, right,

And here's my other philosophy, right, it's weird philosophy. Relationships are basically two people, basically right, basically right, The basic understanding of the principles and properties of a relationship are two people. Right. That makes the world already divided. Yeah, because even if those two people were happy in every case, which they aren't, now we've divided the entire world by fifty percent. That's just some math. That's just some quick math.

But to look at that perception though, and of course I'm being facetious, but I'm just saying, it's kind of divisive the way we think pairing, and everyone's looking for their pair right, or my person to pair with, and that is kind of the reason why the entire world has this closed off space, you know, So to speak, not to mention, you.

Speaker 2

To speak say all of these things, but you're married, so how do you counter to like part with that being a relationship.

Speaker 3

I feel like my understanding of those things are will allow me to grow in those spaces because it's not like it's been just oh, perfection or this right, very little arguments ever, but then there's these we're in a vulnerable time when the world is vulnerable, right, So then when those vulnerabilities surface, how do you deal with those things and move forward? Well, if you're gonna move forward, there's gonna be a fight. And it's not like it's a bad fight, but you gotta fight.

Speaker 1

It has to.

Speaker 2

Happen or it's like that's why I feel like, if it has to happen, or it's gonna just stay under the carpets and it's gonna come up later on, bigger, later on.

Speaker 3

And a fight doesn't mean negativity. It just means there's a push somewhere, there's energy pushing and friction is a fight no matter what. Right, Sometimes you fight with just energies and things that you don't have to physically fight with, but you know you're upset, I'm not fuck, this is gonna be a fight because I'm not even mad, but you're obviously not saying shit to me walking all around

this house. That's gonna be a fight. If I want to get to the point where we're act hugging and kissing, we gotta fight first, because now I got to find out what I magically fucking don't know I did that has you feeling this way, right nine times out of ten,

has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with the way you were raised, what you endured as a child, and the deficiencies or the neglects that took place in that moment that gave you sensitivity issues and you base certain emotions on that.

Speaker 2

Now, is it easy to have a conversation as well descripted like that to your partner as it is to someone who has no relationship involved with you at all.

Speaker 3

It's not easy to have a conversation with anyone because then accountability comes in. And overall, women hate accountability for their feelings. They don't want to be accountable for their own feelings. They're like, no, you made me feel this way, and I have to feel this way so I can establish.

Speaker 1

They want their feelings validated.

Speaker 3

They want them valid ate it, and I'm like, yo, there's been times when I said some shit that was like because I'm like, it's not my problem, right, And I'm like, no, it's not my problem. No, you go deal with it's not my problem.

Speaker 2

I have someone in my life that's done that to me, and it's the first time I feel like that made me check my feelings because I'm like a situation where I again, everyone's still doing work, you know what I mean, And it's like, I know that maybe not what I'm doing or saying is wrong and my feelings are valid because they're just my feelings, but I don't need you to tell me that I have to work on why whatever.

And it made me feel really offended at first too, and then I'm like, oh, damn, it is me and it's not just me, Like you don't have no blame to anything, but it's not about a blame game. But I just feel like it's to the point where if you don't address the underlying issues from childhood, early relationships, whatever, it's shit that you don't resolve and talk about, then there's gonna be some kind of conflict.

Speaker 3

Yo. My life changed because I was really upset and somebody told me that I didn't have peace, and right when they told me that I didn't have peace, and I was really in an angry state of mind, and like I'm from Baltimore, so like our anger hit different, like you know, it's big, big gangster energy, right. I was feeling some kind of way and I was just like, yo, I need to just dip. I need to leave because my energy gets like this and it's too many men's

male energy. We all yeah, right, And I felt so I'm like I need to dip. And I was mad and this person just stood in front of me and it was like you don't have peace and hugged me right, And initially the hug made me more angry because I'm like, first of all, my arms are down like this.

Speaker 2

This is uncomfortable me, right, like touch me.

Speaker 3

While I'm like this because you know, like are you trying to trigger it? Right? And I didn't know. I didn't know, but then I don't know if it was the shotakras or whatever it was. It was like be still, be peaceful, listen. And the person said, you don't have any peace, but you can have my piece because I have enough piece to give away. And I was like saw myself from above looking down on that situation, and

a bunch of shit flashed in my mind. The first thing that flashed in my mind is that and this was a man, right, This was like a positive figure in my life, right, and older guy, And he said, the first thing I realized is that, damn, I hadn't been hugged by a man since my father was killed. That's the first thing that came, right, So it's like seventeen eighteen years without a fucking hug from a father figure. And that's the first thing to happen. And then the

second thing was, man, I feel so stupid. Damn I just feel silly. Third thing was like, I'm not a silly person. Why am I using all these emotions on everybody else and wanting them to validate and feel No, I'm mad, but like everybody's else, like, we're not mad, dude,

you're tripping, right. So when I came back into my body, I said, and if the hug was like a minute long, right, which is a long time for a hug, right, if you haven't really ever had like a real and I said, I'm never gonna be this guy again, Like I'm I changed my life that night, and I drove It was like a twenty minute drive home, and I just changed my on the way home, I said, I'm looking at

the mountains. I'm on the four or five and shit, you know, coming from like Santa Monica, looking at the mountains, and I'm like, I'm never gonna be that guy again, and I'm gonna introduce peace into my life. So you have to have a conversation with peace. It doesn't matter what you do, because people only see what you do, right, They don't see who you are. Like you said, like people don't even know you. Right. People are probably chasing you down in public. Oh my god, Oh my god. Right,

but they don't know you. Really, they don't know you. They think they know you because they're judging you, but they don't know you. And when you have your conversation with peace, that's when everything centers and you become self centered. That the one thing that they tell you not to be, right, They tell you, don't be self centered. That's bad, you're self centered. No, we should all be centered in self because that's the center point from which life comes. Life

starts at a center point and spans outward. And when you check that center point. Now you're not only in control of your feelings, your thoughts, and your emotions, but your accountability. You don't look outward now, you look inward and say, hold on, i'm tripping. You can check yourself now, But you can't do that when you don't start from within. Right, So we kind of love to focused on other people.

So we'll take that mate or that partner and we'll say, well, you know, I just want to tell you all the things that I didn't like about that, about what you did, and it's like, damn, that's kind of heavy. You got shit about what you didn't like about what I did. Even that idea is kind of like, what about the shit you do? Did you not like some of the shit you do too? Or is this only about see?

So we got to start from the centerpoint because then you can realize that, oh, maybe I did some shit that made you do that shit, right, And we just check ourselves. And that's the key to being able to be in relationships, to be able to be in this world, which is weird as fuck with all these people's rules that will never mean shit in your life, right, but you got to live by these rules that existed before you even existed. And it's like, before I got hit,

the shit was fucked up. You want me to keep doing what y'all the fucked up shit that y'all been doing.

Speaker 1

Obviously it wasn't working before. If you want to change it.

Speaker 3

It wasn't working before. And I feel like I'm the person I want to change the idea of that. I want to change what Walt Disney came and he gave this fairy tale Princess Cinderella, Prince Charming concept with the ugly step sisters that are just haters. That's what we look at that we see that every day, like people I think are projecting that reality. Now you know what I mean, And we don't have to live in that construct.

So I have a thing called activating the Advanced Mechanisms that manipulate constructs, and I have a whole masterclass that I'm going to teach on people on how to no matter what your situation, no matter what your reality is right in reality, because right it could at any given moment if your mind changes, everything around you changes so or even in your perception, it could be one way, but everybody else thinks it's one way. So it's like what's reality really except for your your view from your

perspective lens, that's reality. So if you think things are fucked up, I show people how you can just advance it in your mind and change everything. And it's really just some focus shit I think.

Speaker 2

I mean, that's probably one of the honest things that I've heard in a really long time. It's just you know, it's the truth, and that's a lot of more people. I feel like if we were educated on that aspect on something else, it's it just gives you a different perspective.

Speaker 3

She should be taught that from like when you're a little girl, but you're not.

Speaker 2

But that's what I'm saying, is what the whole like you said, it's especially the fairy tale thing of It's like it's it's a perception of what the world wants you to see, from reality TV to fake people, Instagram posts to all these things. It's like what you're conditioned too? What doesn't mean that correct?

Speaker 3

What about pretty girls feeling unpretty? It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen, right, Like, you're sitting there and you feel unpretty because of a concept, but you're actually.

Speaker 1

But I don't think pretty.

Speaker 2

I think that that's why again with the self work, it's like, I don't think pretty is like an outward thing. I think it's inward as well. And that's why for me, is why people either exuded or you don't. You can hear you know, and they could be the most beautiful person, but doesn't mean they're beautiful, yeah.

Speaker 3

Because it's definitely an energy thing, right, But I'm just saying, like, literally, you're you're looking at something that someone else's concept outside of yourself, and you're feeling down and there's like ten thousand dudes knocking on your door and you're just like, you're lonely, You're all these things, and it's like, no, just turn around and look at reality. Reality is there's eighty men chasing you, and you're rejecting them because you're

chasing pretty. You're chasing society chasing right there. Like and if they're like, you know, I have women say men all men want is you know, a big booty girl with these big titties and this, And I'm like, that's not true. I got I got homeboys that only like skinny girls, like you know what I'm saying, and like, and these are dudes with options.

Speaker 1

With big boy girls. It doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 3

No no, no, no no no no no no, don't like, if they're gonna do it, they're gonna do it with a skinny girl. Like they literally don't like big booty girls, Like that's it. And it's not like they don't like them, that's just not their thing, right, And so what we do is we harp on what's being publicized to us and what's being you know, social media promotes, it's that's being promoted. But that ain't the like. First of all, big girls ain't got no problem getting men.

Speaker 2

And that's why for me, when I got had to the industry, it wasn't like that. So it was about when I became that was pop for sure. But when I became more popular people I would have people coming up to me like, thank you so much for making me feel good.

Speaker 1

You was my own skin. Two thousand and six, two thousand and six.

Speaker 3

So we're going back to the year of the zero waste model. Yes, right, when that whole thing was a thing, right, and that was ridiculous because when.

Speaker 2

Then you also were in la too, So that's even it became. It was a thing for a lot longer than a thing needed to be but for sure, but it made people unhealthy, game eating.

Speaker 1

Disiners, all kinds of thing because you're.

Speaker 2

Trying to conform themselves to something that's not realistic.

Speaker 3

And you don't even hear about that as much anymore because now this is the new like prototype now that people want, like people want now even see like I remember, white girls were just wanting to be skinny, and because it was like a Hollywood thing, right like, so all the supermodels were super skinny. Now you see white girls with booties everywhere, right like that that wasn't a thing before, you know what I'm saying, That was like the opposite.

Speaker 1

Now it was always a thing. Everything's bigger and better.

Speaker 3

And everything's bigger in the South for sure, but you know what I mean because Texas in LA.

Speaker 2

But what what is looked as far as like the lusting type of what people want to like see as are abspired to be quote unquote like the Kardashians of the world and all the surgeries that took place and all these things. Like that's why for me, I just always stayed in my own lane and then.

Speaker 3

Predates the Kardashians. It goes, it goes back to the black booty.

Speaker 2

The black booty I'm saying, as far as now is what made they approached.

Speaker 3

They appropriated the culture. But let's let's just give it to the queen. It's the black booty because I know that you've been referenced as, oh shit, you got a black girl booty. I definitely right, so that and that comes way before, you know, because you've always had yours. So that comes way before the Kardashians were even the popular thing because they didn't have black girl booties before they got their booties. So you know what I mean, you know what I'm saying, but you know, shout out

to them. But I'm just saying, it is what it is. It's a beautiful culture and black women have been having booty since. Man, you could go all the way back to Pam Grier, Foxy Brown. You know what I'm saying. It's so it's a it's a cultural thing. And but hold on, you got some culture though in Puerto Rican.

Speaker 2

That's right, private talk. I hope you're liking this episode. Make sure you comment below A subscribe

Transcript source: Provided by creator in RSS feed: download file
For the best experience, listen in Metacast app for iOS or Android