¶ Navigating Mom's Witching Hour
hey guys , welcome back to preview lions podcast . This is sarah and whitney . Okay , whitney . So this episode was inspired , like most of our episodes , by a text message uh-huh , I can't be alone , sarah , you're not . I cannot be alone in this , and that's why . I said Whitney , you're not alone , I'm not alone , I can't be we haven't covered it yet .
We're going to do this topic , so it's moms , have a witching hour too , mm-hmm .
So I'm going to elaborate , I'm going to tell on myself Okay , so it was . I'm going to say , maybe like Wednesday or Thursday it was later in the week , it wasn't the weekend though and I just texted Sarah and I said moms have to have a witching hour too . Because my brain is just done , I'm touched out . I'm tired of still having to think ahead .
I am cranky . With my children , I can't be alone . Like this is a witching hour , from like 530 or 6 until 730 bedtime . Yep , like I am cranky and I cannot be alone in this . It cannot just be me , or maybe it is and it was not .
And I think I wrote back like 100 , 100 or OMG , yes . So people are like well , what is the witching hour ? So the witching hour term is traditionally thought with babies , right . And so with babies , it happens around , you know , maybe I think the second or third week of their life , sometimes four , and nobody can really tell us why it's happening .
People have thoughts and feelings and experts say gross , Bert , they're fatigued , they're over-sensory , they're cluster feeding colic . They're finally waking up and realizing this world is not the womb . Gross Bert , they're fatigued , they're over-sensory , they're cluster feeding Colic .
They're finally waking up and realizing this world is not the womb Right .
Whatever you say , they're more aware of their surroundings and it can happen from 5 to 11 pm at night , and so our pregnant moms are like , oh great , thanks , thanks for this . Yeah , appreciate it . And what witching hour .
Very well , and especially with James , I had this little baby carrier and I would put him in it and I would say , okay , he will not let me put him down and so I would just get my shoes on . I have someone help me with my shoes . I'd be like I'm going to go for a little walk , yeah , and me and him would both cry Uh-huh , but you got it out .
I got it out ?
I did , but I think we had just moved and I'm sure our neighbors were just like , wow , really don't want to get to know her . But the things that helped him , whitney , I think can help us , oh , I'm sure has to . So what did I do ? I went for a walk .
You went for a walk . You got outside .
Now I'm not saying you abandon your children and you exit the room and let it burn down and come back .
But I've seen now and my children and me's witching hour yeah , getting outside , yes , is just something of like a change of environment my senses feel good right I don't kind of resets the brain , trapped animal in a feel like a trapped animal in a cage , sometimes , right , which the house can feel that way , absolutely , the drive home from school can feel that
way , lord .
Yes , so that getting outside movement sometimes we need that Absolutely Well , and now that we're getting into some better weather , the days are getting longer . A little extra sunshine the darkness is leaving us Right . A little more vitamin D , Because who's to say this couldn't be a vitamin D deficiency ?
Well , and if you think about it right , like our circadian rhythm , moms generally are up super early , yep , so we are starting and we may never get a full night rest , you know . So we are already starting off on , let's say , you know , towards empty versus full in our tank . And then you have maybe went to work , you've dealt with all that .
Or if you're at the house , you know , and you're running errands , you're doing life , right , and it's like the end of the day it all compounds , oh , absolutely it's a lot .
I always say because during those times for me it's hard for me to switch off , like working and things I need to do didn't get to do , forgot to call this person back , oh crap , that's due tomorrow .
And then you're prepping dinner , you're trying to rush to his practice , your husband or spouse coming home , partner , or maybe you're doing it by yourself , right , and it all just like it's a lot . It comes heavy Kind of avalanches on you . It really does . So . When you text me that , I was just like , yeah , this is .
And if you hear , I was at swim practice the other day and I heard this mom and she was like , you know , we all kind of try to meet at this park , especially towards the end of the week . I swear there's something about the end of the week .
Well , we're all tapped out . We've been running the marathon for the week and we're just like , OK , I'm done .
They all say we try to survive from four to seven together .
And so they created a village . I like that .
And they go to the playground and their kids play and they they bring their little kids water bottles or juice boxes have dinner at the playground . I am here for this and I was like trying to secretly to invite myself during this conversation .
I'm like you're like which park is this ? Which park is this ? What can I ? Can I buy pizza ?
next . But that whole thought was like yeah , right , and that is something I look back and especially when we , before we moved , had the best neighbors across from us and on down the street .
Next door is a whole different thing , but across the street and down , we would sometimes just naturally find ourselves outside at this time and we'd be like let's do this together , right ? So that's more research . Absolutely , that points to . You're right , we have a witching hour .
We have a witching hour . We have a witching hour , and you know what Our kids do too 100% .
Especially .
I feel like my oldest daughter , because she's in first grade now , so elementary school , so we've got the homework . That's hard , it's hard , it's hard .
Especially when I'm really not equipped to be the one to be helping with the homework . I mean the level of expectations on our children , the homework . They don't get their rest , they don't get their play . They're in after school activities . You know you got to get up , get moving in the morning , right , I mean , I say this all the time .
We melt down in the Parker's household , starting Thursdays on , and we maybe come back to life Saturday afternoon , sunday , just to restart it .
Absolutely so , especially when you have a kid that's in elementary school . You know you pick them up which my kids do have to do after school care because I do work in the afternoon . So pick them up , get them home , do supper , and then I do try to give them some decompression time because they've been in school and daycare all day .
It's hard Like , yes , go play in the yard , or yes , go watch a Bluey episode or you know whatever , Like I want to give them that time . But we also have to do your math worksheet . Yeah , which when it's sight words it's so much easier because she can blow through those quickly . Math is a whole different ballgame , yeah , but then you got bath time .
And Is it about bath time ? Sometimes it's like I find myself , I'm like I sometimes prep myself Sarah , you're going to be a calm , cool , collected cucumber mom , okay , and next thing I know I am going God , I have no bath time , you know , and it's like I don't want to get to that level .
And again , I have to give myself grace and give myself and my kids grace . But just like it's the sensory overload .
It is Well . At that point we're tapped out and I think we're also thinking of okay , well , I got to get them in the tub , I got to bathe them , Got to wash the hair . I have girls . My oldest has very thick , long , curly hair , so it takes a while to brush through that and all the things .
Well then , we got to brush the teeth .
We play that too . And then my youngest , literally last night , had the toothbrush ready and said okay , it's time to brush your teeth . And what does she do ? Giggles and just takes off across , like through the connecting closet to my oldest room .
And I'm like , sis , my little one is fast too , yes , and it bothers , because I'm like this is not the type of running I do . I'm in it for the long haul , not the short sprint .
This is really why you train for marathon . I do because I have to keep up . Ok , this is now I'm understanding . Yes , I have to keep up .
But I can't run as well when I'm barefoot versus , you know , my running shoes . So then I have , I'm tackled to the ground and I got to brush the teeth and all the things and we got to calm everybody down . Then we got to get in the bed and when I say we have 730 bedtime , no one is in the bed by 730 . No one is asleep at 730 .
Because that's just crazy talk . So like we're finally getting settled at like eight o'clock and reading the books and all the things , and then you have no time for yourself . I don't , because usually by then I'm so spent . You're done , I'm done , and I'm like I got to get up and do this all over again .
It's like Groundhog Day .
Oh , it is Well . And then my youngest has strep again . So it's like we have to make sure that we do the morning dose and the night dose of the meds . So we're spent by the time we go to bed and we're already halfway spent when we wake up .
That's the real of it .
And then my therapist she said you really need to work on transitions of like giving yourself that pause before , like work to mom or you know and I'm guilty of it , but I think so many people's guilty of this is we are like transitioning from okay , I got to leave my job or I've got to stop what I'm doing here at the house and I've got to get in the
car , race to carpool , race to pick up , race to soccer practice , come home , food , and it's like you don't get that like transition periodically and like your head is still maybe at work or a conversation you had . And then here's your kid Right , and you guys never get to like reset or pause Right , because it's like you got to get on to the next thing .
So go , go , go , go go .
There's no intentionality sometimes with it .
Right and see , and we are one of those families we try not to overdo extracurriculars . We actually didn't do any when my oldest was in kindergarten to give her the whole year to adjust to public school and all of those things .
So we're not even heavy , heavy on the extracurriculars , but we still feel that go , go , go , go go , because it's honestly , we're always future thinking .
Yeah and I think that plays into the mom's witching hour too is we're trying to be present in the moment and get this particular task done , whether it's Jamie's or brushing teeth , or bath or supper or what have you . But we're also thinking , okay , got to remember to do the math homework , Got to remember to get the medicine .
It's a mental load .
It is . We're always future thinking , even trying to be in the moment . Yeah , by the end of the week , when you tack on five days of that , it's a lot , it's a lot and that's on an I hate to say it like this an average week when you don't necessarily have anything that comes up extra .
Like the sickness or the work deadline or death in the family .
Death in the family .
Or you know , things Like an issue , a relationship issue , right , I mean you could turn on the news and find something that would upset you in two seconds , but so things that I was thinking back to , I'm like , okay , well , what else did we do to survive the witching hour ?
¶ Mom's Stress Management
Got comfortable and I think people don't think about this enough but , like , get out of your work clothes . Oh , yes , you know , like you may be , like , well , that sounds weird . No , but think about it . It's a transition . Anything like tight or fluffy or itchy or constricting .
Yeah , it's going to add to that sensory tap out feeling , even if you've not ever put those two concepts together . Right , it is a input on your body Absolutely . And so your kids input your noise , input your what's touching , you , input all the senses . Right , we're hitting the peak , right , so get comfortable .
I mean we with the babies , get them in something comfortable , get yourself , seek out a minute of calm , peace , even darkness sometimes , if you can . And the white noise . You know you may be like what are you talking about ? But if the baby needs that , so say . You have the baby in the witching hour , you going into that space .
Now , granted , it's harder when you have other kids . You're like , yeah , my husband's not home , I was supposed to do a band of my children living room .
Why hide in a cave ? You know and you can go into the next .
Go in for a minute turn on a little white noise . I used to have like a clip on white noise thing that I would put on for our witching hour , walks , and sometimes that white noise hearing and like rocking that sensation can help take that . Take a break , um , for two seconds , but but the movement Right , you walking .
Nothing really goes well when you just sit Right . Your mind starts going , the irritations keep coming . Right , we're made for movement Right , so that movement works .
You're going to laugh at me last night because today is trash day for us . Uh-huh , guess who volunteered to take the trash out to the curb last night .
Whitney .
I sure did , because you need a moment . I did need a moment . And it's movement , it is , it's movement , and you know what I had to take both of them or a separate one .
It's heavy work actually it is .
And then on the way back , you know house , take a minute to decompress , take a minute to look up at the stars in the sky , take a minute to just let that out .
And it was so strange that doing a chore that you think would annoy me or kind of get under my skin , it was actually a moment for me to say , okay , you're allowed to take a little bit of extra time to walk in , you're allowed to deep breathe , you're allowed to kind of just take a moment and appreciate the sky with stars or the moon or whatever it is .
Then it's like okay , I can go back in . It's an hour before bedtime . Like , this is doable , I am capable of this , this is doable .
This too shall pass with babies . It can take months , and I think knowing triggers , mm-hmm and diet comes into play with this .
It does Gut . Health is big .
Are we all day chugging caffeine ? I'm actually doing better and you know crashing towards that time of the day . Are you feeding your body with fuel to keep your mind and body going ? Are we doing more fast food ? Are you know those things come into play ? Are you feeding your body with fuel to keep your mind and body going ? Are we doing more fast food ?
Are you know those things come into play ? Are you drinking water Right ? Are you really hangry or have you not drank water Right ? Are you ? Is your anxiety worse because you haven't had dehydrated ? You know things like that . I get it . We're on the move , go , go , go . Especially littles .
It's hard to take that time , but your body can't give back to you Right If it ain't fueled Right . So that's things to think about . But you know , are you still going to be ? You know , I feel like my children fight more . I feel like there's always me being more like less patient .
Snippy More snippy .
You know they seem to have higher preferences . You know how their string cheese is percentage or apple is cut at this time of day which I tried it . Someone said this to me once . They said well , think about it .
They've been at school all day right , and they have maybe not had choices or allowed certain opinions their autonomy is not there so when they're home in their safe space , right , it's gonna like you've been held in and it's coming out and the same's happening to us , absolutely .
So we're kind of knowing this is not the most ideal time situation , right , but doing little things and talking to your children about it , saying this is a tough part of the day for all of us , right , I'm tired . Are you tired when'm tired ? This is how I'm feeling . Right , I'm sorry , I'm going to own this .
Mommy was a little short in how she said that , right , you know .
Yeah , there was . It was actually last weekend . My youngest was like mommy stickers , and pointed to her sister's dresser . Now , mind you , we've had several talks that crayons and stickers go to paper and not walls , the built-in toy box , furniture , things of that nature .
So I go over there and lo and behold , she has put stickers on said dresser and they were actually pretty decent stickers . They were actually pretty sticky , unfortunately , for me oh gosh the sticky stickers that you discussed .
Yeah , that's awesome .
And so I just looked at her and I said I feel really frustrated right now , can . And so I just looked at her and I said I feel really frustrated right now . Can you please go into your room and go in there and play ? I need a minute , yeah . And so I wasn't warm fuzzy but I wasn't yelling .
Yeah , I was able to sit down on the bed , take in some deep breaths . My oldest was in the room with me . Yeah , she saw it , and I was like , okay , now I have to get these off , uh-huh . And then , you know , after I got a couple of them off , you know , my youngest came back and I said baby , where do stickers go on the paper ?
Yes , they don't go on furniture , right . And you know what ? I handed her a magic eraser and she helped . And she helped and said that's one of those ways we're allowed to express to our children I feel frustrated , I , I feel upset . You're naming how you feel , right ? Can I have a little bit of space ?
Yep , you sit and you take that moment and you do that deep breathing and then you push forward . It's not an immediate fix , because , let me tell you , I stewed for a minute . I did , I stewed on it . It happens , but it was also end of the day , yep .
But it was also end of the day , yep , end of the week .
Yep , it was actually on a Saturday afternoon . You're tapped out ? Yeah , I was tapped out and I was like okay , I know that I want to explode . Exploding won't help .
It'll make you feel worse . It'll make me feel worse .
It's going to make her feel worse . Let's just Take a minute . Take a minute .
And I'm allowed to do that , and that's the thing I think .
Like you , I didn't learn this until I mean still learning it , but like the concept of like we're not bad moms , right , we're needing a minute , right , and that doesn't mean we don't love our children , right , or that they're not loved , but like I think all our lives , me , until we don't need a minute , has done so much more damage .
Absolutely .
So that's something . If you're a mom and you felt like , well , you know , maybe I never saw my mom have a minute , or I was . Every time , I try to say how I felt I was shut down as a child , or I still am as an adult , or I feel guilty . That's the opposite of what we're trying to tell you here .
Yeah , and just because there is a witching hour does not mean that there is not boundaries and consequences for actions .
Yeah , for you and your child . Oh , absolutely Just like the sticker thing . Right Stickers still got to come off , yep . And so she got a magic eraser . She put some work into it . As much as a three-year-old can , yeah .
But at the same time I could walk away from that saying you know what , even though I was frustrated , I stewed Uh-huh , but I was frustrated , I stewed Uh-huh , but I didn't yell , I didn't lose my temper . So I can look back and say that's growth .
Uh-huh , because we have all been there where we have lost our temper and we've yelled or we have had a moment . I mean , maybe James is going through his car seat thing . I remember literally one day , I think our texter called you after and I was like really upset of how I responded and I walked . I had to , like put they were safe .
I had to walk down the driveway for a minute and I was like you get it together , sarah , yeah , and I felt horrible , but it was just like one of those moments and I and I had to grow , yeah . So if you're hearing this and you're like I'm not there yet , you're gonna get there , it happens to happen to us all , and so we're a safe space .
So just you're like I'm not there , yet You're going to get there . It happens to all of us all , and so we're a safe space .
So just , you're not alone . You're not alone . Mom's have a witching hour too . Yep , you're allowed to say that . You're allowed to tell your children you feel frustrated and that you need a minute , that's okay . And if you find your minute in taking the trash to the curb , hey we all got it .
If you're washing dishes , maybe turn it on to cold really quick and put your wrist under that cold rushing water . It'll be a spa experience in two minutes , Right , and so you know , do the deep breathing in those moments .
It's trying to find the calming in the day to day or the mundane or monotonous that helps us when we are kind of in that fight or flight , like I'm at my capacity . I have to rein this back in .
Yep , have that water available to make sure you've actually ate and tell your husband like , or tell your partner or someone else , or you know , if it's having like your babysitter come over . Right , I mean , there's mom helpers . But if you're just like Fridays are really tough or like you want to have that time , have an extra set of hands , absolutely .
You know , I'm a big fan of like this generation below us . They need to see the reality of motherhood too and they need to jump on in and we need to have help . So I think , knowing it just like anything , name it , detain it Absolutely . And y'all have got this . And you're not alone . Me and Whitney are in the witching hours with you .
Oh yes , we're there . All right , guys , till next week . We'll see you then .
¶ Maternal Mental Health Podcast for Moms
Maternal mental health is as important as physical health . The Preview Alliance podcast was created for and by moms dealing with postpartum depression and all its variables , like anxiety , anger and even apathy . Hosted by CEO founder Sarah Parkhurst and licensed clinical social worker Whitney Gay , each episode focuses on specific issues relevant to pregnancy and postpartum .
Join us and hear how other moms have overcome mental health challenges , as well as access tips and suggestions on dealing with your own challenges as moms . You can also browse our podcast library and listen to previous episodes at any time . Please know you're not alone on this journey . We're here to help .