Why We Don't Do Resolutions

Hey guys , welcome back to Preview Alliance podcast . Happy 2024 .

This is Holy .

Couch 2024 . It's Sarah and Whitney . We're here , happy New .

Year .

But you guys are probably feeling a little bit like we are like okay .

It's almost like the holiday let down , but also we're gearing up for a new year .

Yeah , so there's , a weird combination of feelings . No one really knows . Should we be eating a zillion ?

things we're in limbo .

Should we be like doing our sweats ? Should we be like trying to take on the world ?

Are the Christmas decorations up or down ?

Yeah , it's ooh , and that's a very strong divide people have .

People feel very certain like I'm sure people would not appreciate my take on it .

Some come down . I'm more of like I've got to get it down .

That's me , as I like to get it down and get my house kind of organized and clean so I can think a little more clearly .

But some people they are like hard set . No , it doesn't come down till January 3rd , 4th , whatever . Some people are like I keep something up to Valentine's Day .

I'm like okay whatever works for you . I have a client , bless their heart . They broke their ankle and their tree ended up staying up all year because they just never could get it down . Well , you know what .

They took the ornaments off . At that point you just call it for what it is .

I thought I might have said you know what ?

You just get you some different seasonal things and it's just going to be greenery in your house .

We're calling it greenery . That's a reframe .

It would be something that would happen to me , that would just really . That would be the thing that . I would be calling , you wouldn't come and take this treaty .

Yeah , calling the reinforcements .

Get the treaty out . You wouldn't think to ask . You'd be like . I know that really bothers her .

I'd be like , okay , what's your address ? Am I going by Chick-fil-A on my way in ? Tell me what we ?

need , because she's going to lose her mind . But we are going to talk about why . We said it before , but it's always a good reminder . We don't do resolutions .

We don't .

I know you're going to be hearing it everywhere you turn .

It's kind of shoved down our throats .

This is new year new . You set your intentions , set your goals . We love all that . Let's break this down . 80% of people abandon their resolutions by February .

That doesn't last long , friends .

Less than 10% succeed , and actually somebody said only maybe 8% . That's not to say that you're not going to succeed . That's not saying that you're not going to be that .

But let's set ourselves up for success over failure , right .

Because what happens here is people tend to shoot for the moon and stars . Right , because we all can do that when the effort's not involved . Right , it's like , hey , whitney , I'm going to start running like you and I'm going to join you .

Look at you , no , I thought how did these two ?

And I thought what is wrong with them Like that's literally the thoughts that was coming in my mind was you and Jenny being like signing up for Marathon ? So me setting a resolution that Sarah's going to be running with Jenny and Whitney , she's saying in the car .

And that's okay , because I can't do weights . So that's you know , and I love a good hit strength .

You know CrossFit workouts , so you know , speaking of this , the most commonly abandoned resolutions , Whitney you probably see this with your clients is health , fitness , weight loss , exercise . Right , this is all research based , so we're not saying anything that you guys probably don't know by your own lives . But why doesn't it work out ?

Uh , huh so . I would agree with that . The unrealistic goals , I would say I don't love the idea of saying that you don't have motivation or willpower , because that's negative .

Right .

But if I say that I am going to run a marathon this year , which I have never ran a marathon , don't really have a desire to . I've done a couple of halves , and halves are hard .

Right .

But if I tell myself , okay , I'm going to run a marathon and I'm going to qualify for Boston , which y'all just Google what it takes to qualify for .

Boston and we lived outside of Boston so that was a huge thing . So people like it's a big deal , it's a huge ordeal .

It's a big deal so for Whitney to come in , who has never ran a marathon . It really doesn't have the desire to run a marathon and I also maintain a 10 and a half minute pace , which is not that fast compared to like professional runners . Whitney ain't qualified for Boston . That don't need to be my resolution .

And well , you know now that we're we really , because I love finding out more details about resolutions , right ? And it's saying that the younger individuals tend to have a slightly higher successful rate .

I may not have children , that's what I was going to say .

I would love to they have more flexibility in their schedule . I always say this all the time . So Preview Alliance is a startup company . People are like , well , what's a startup company ? That's essentially where you started up from yourself idea on From the scratch and you build it and you are out there learning .

Or it's a teacher work day at school . Well , now you got to be mom , and because you are the child care now when they're in public school .

You are , there is the day that is a whole level of another brokenness of our system for moms . But let's talk about specifically . So we were pretty general there . Let's talk about how the landscape for priorities , again with these resolutions , come in with moms , right , we're kind of touching on it .

That's a win . A win is a win .

So that is what we're talking about is like don't put yourself in this tiny little box where it's only X , y and Z .

Try not to be rigid .

Oh , and I have a hard time with that Same . So we have to give ourselves grace . So we're talking to ourselves too . But you know , we've said this so many times before we have so much coming at us that's trying to make us feel like we're not a good mom , we're not good enough , so don't put anything extra on you .

Right .

And then be cautious when we're doing these resolutions . Ok , you grew a child , you grew a human . Ok , your body's changed .

Oh yeah .

So you're gonna get inudated with all these ads .

Go to Jens , get that bounce back All of these supplements , these detox teas and drinks .

They're gonna come for the mom and the postpartum body of this toxic culture where they're selling or again we go back to . Let's break it down it's a business . They're selling a certain thing we want you to be healthy .

Well , and it's . Even . If we do change , it's not always received as a positive thing .

Right .

You know , we have to change for ourselves .

Right , I have to decide no for someone else's improvement , and I think that's a big thing too , right , if you're like , okay , well , I'm good , but I won't sell one , so to have a resolution , I want my husband have a resolution , right , if they don't do it for themselves .

Right , it's not gonna mean as much , it's not gonna mean as much .

They're not going to take ownership in it . And you know what , when it ultimately goes wrong , they blame you for it . Yep , because I never wanted to do it in the first place .

It'll come back and bite you .

And you guys don't even have to , you don't have to say this . But again , social media , the comparison thief of joy . It is going to be coming at you , of making you feel like you're behind If you're not on your 30 days of fat loss .

Right , that was a big big one . After my first daughter was born .

And because ? Then you want , because I think it's like the loss of identity that happens in motherhood , right Already , and you're like who am I , who's my body , what am I doing ? So you sometimes grasp with something to say , well , if I can physically get back to X , if I can fit into my genes , Right , or if I can get to this number on the scale .

Right .

And that seems easier , and that seems painful sometimes .

Oh yeah , absolutely .

So what can they do ? So let's , so , let's , let's . Let's go and say , okay , what are we going to do ?

So I would say , start out with realistic goals . Try to celebrate non-scale victories .

Right .

So when I say that it could be that you do get your exercise in two days a week , Right For me , which has been a year's process , is okay . I'm going to build myself up to running this distance . You know that's a non-scale victory , right ? I still have 10 pounds that I haven't lost from my second daughter and she's three years old .

So I'm a stronger runner , so that is your Running has benefited my mental health 100% . I was going to say we work out , yeah , for our mental health , correct , so we don't do it for the way our genes fit . Now that's a nice compliment .

Everything and I want to be able to keep up with my kids . I want to be able to play tag with them in the backyard .

I see grandparents now and I'm fortunate my parents are super active and I want to be them , because then I see others that simply cannot and I'm like I don't so that's my goal . It's not like you said . It's not like limited size X-seria genes needs to fit in . It is a long term .

Okay , that's okay , I'm still on my long term goal .

Right Of where I want to be .

Exactly Well . And life is unpredictable . Life has a way of life thing .

Sometimes it just like tornado life says .

Uh huh . Yeah , hurricane tornado earthquake . All of the things happen at one time . Because why wouldn't it ? Why not ? Yeah , because that's life . So , allowing yourself to be flexible , giving yourself grace and saying you know what ? My kid was sick . I was up all night last night .

A win is a win .

Otherwise , I'm just going to focus on taking care of myself and meeting my needs for today , which means taking a shower .

Yes .

Brushing my teeth , brushing my hair , eating and making sure my kid is okay .

And that it's a season of life too . So when you're looking at this , what you can do when your kids are babies and toddlers is way different than what you're going to look at when your kids are in middle school .

Oh , absolutely .

So if we're again going back to these resolutions , you're like well , I want one concept that I like , stick to and check off . Okay . So then you be realistic with yourself . Is that one minute a day you can get ? That is fantastic . No one says that you can't build that up .

Exactly .

But you do not need anything extra that's going to make it harder on yourself .

No , don't add to your plate .

Do positive influences . Sometimes it could be . You know , mental health is my priority . Okay , I'm going to listen to this podcast . I'm going to go to a toolbox tip episode . I'm going to implement one tool that Whitney teaches me a week for a month , and I'm going to practice or I'm going to practice mindfulness . I'm going to pause .

Exactly .

Is what we want you to do . Right , that is what we're saying . So don't set a resolution but say you know , don't point out your flaws . I love when you always say this Don't say . Don't make my negative stand out . Right , let's turn it to a positive .

Right , let's reframe .

I love to reframe now that you've taught me that I needed that in my life .

Reframing is really strong .

And I think you know again , just embrace the change . This is a changing versus rigid . We are flexible versus set . We are . You know we're going to bend where we're hopefully not going to break here and I think that's something that you have to come into motherhood and know you're going to bend a lot .

There's a lot of pressure .

So what it looks like pre-baby is not what it's going to look like . Nope , and we're not ever going back , that's okay . We're dealing , like we said earlier in the episode Post holidays are super hard . You are drained . Okay , you have .

There's a lot going on . There's a lot . We're stimulated , we're exhausted mentally , emotionally , physically all of the above , it is a lot .

You have been basically the main caregiver for the past . I don't know since . Probably starts before Halloween , right Like . But the extra right . The planning , the cooking , the holiday activities . I mean you've had um 10,000 school parties .

Oh no , we have to recharge . Yeah , I'm already having to think about Christmas gifts because we're changing how we do Christmas . So we're going to be at my parents' house . So guess what ? I'm Amazoning toys from Santa to my parents' house so that we can have Santa there when we wake up Christmas morning .

I was thinking it continuously goes ahead and shift in focus . Let's just again . Okay , you have been through a lot with the holidays , so don't what we're saying to be it's , you've already probably have lack of self-care . So I think I think you come into it . You've had comparison and guild on you .

You better stick to all because you ate so terrible these past few months .

Well , guess what ? Y'all threw ever muck cake at us that there was no demand .

It all started when you let the Halloween Oreos and pumpkin races in the store that you put in the stores in September . Well , I mean I do partake . I'm not going to lie , we all do but I mean that's the thing .

That's why , if anybody grasping concepts from today , it's just here what we say . You're not set up against something to have you win Right .

This is again a marketing business that is creating strategy with businesses and then here you come .

They're throwing out to the holidays . Let's be festive . You give everything . You decorate the best You're . We're throwing in comparison and guilt to make you buy more . Your kids are off schedule . Okay , hello , that's over . No one gives you a break , right ? And then you're resuming your daily demands .

Let's just be for a second .

Let's refill and let's look long term what we want . And again , why are we letting society dictate who we are as moms , our goals and our resolutions ?

Well , because social media and just pours it on like an avalanche , totally . I think again we don't feel like we can get away from it .

We don't and we have to start our self identity right . So much of us , which we grew up into this in society , is telling us that our self identity is tied to what we do for our families , you know , like our birthday episode . Tied to who we are is what we give and what we create , when we have to acknowledge that is not the truth , right ?

And however you set a resolution , however you do the holidays , whatever you did for your kids for the holidays , realize number one , that's enough , totally . It is enough , and it's not a character flaw if yours doesn't look like somebody else's .

And it's not going to . And that's part of the thing is . We've shared before in different episodes that I had to realize with a monogram t-shirt , valentine's thing that I've still choked about five years later .

Is that to say that's still itchy ?

But I now can walk out and go . Good for her .

Right .

But I couldn't for a while , right , and I think you are like Sarah five years ago where it's still like well , should I've done better ? Could I've done more ? Dig a little deeper . Restaurants , go with partners and partners as .

And also here's my kind of flip on New Year's resolutions that I kind of started thinking about a few years ago .

It's like a punishment right .

Exactly . So what were they ? Punishment oh see , we need to add positives . We're doing therapy here , Right ?

We're serving the people with the therapy .

Here . I'm saying here she comes , she comes out , she gives you a free therapy .

That's right .

Happy New Year , my friends .

So true . I love that though . So when you're looking at this , I want you to do just think of Whitney . Hear what she just said . If you need to replay this episode , turn it back on . Add something to your life this year .

Say it again in June , when life gets hard again .

You're going to need to hear it .

You know what I mean .

We'll say it again in June . That's right . We'll do a mid-year resolution retalk . I should . I think we should .

I like it .

Because we know statistically we're going to need it .

Right .

But we're going to add this year . So this is what we're telling you . Don't buy into the peer pressure , the social media pressure . Look and say what do I want to add ? What would make Sarah's life better ? What would make Whitney's life better ? What is something that I am not A book that's encouraging ? Oh my gosh . A small just .

Make it realistic . It was totally .

If we talk more , that's fantastic , but let's be real .

Let's do one positive .

That's great . One thing let's be flexible versus rigid , and let's realize we're only going to be accountable to ourselves , not what society tells us we should be Correct . Okay , guys , we are going to be with you this year . We have so many awesome episodes

Instagram . You don't have to be brand new postpartum to follow us . No .

Share this with anybody in your life that is trying currently is pregnant , postpartum , any stage of motherhood , right , right . Or , if you need to , we're going to touch on a lot of great topics this year , but you're like they just need to hear that , right and send it .