¶ Challenging Cognitive Distortions in 2025
Hey guys , welcome to 2025 . Happy January and New Year's Previous podcast is back with you guys , Whitney welcome . Hey friends , happy new year . We are ready and new year we are going to work on something that is a huge part of everybody's life and day , and that's our thoughts , Whitney .
Oh yeah , they're always there . Even when we're sleeping , we have thoughts .
And to the point of you know what you think about , even if you can look at a biblical perspective . You can look at just like what neuro research says . You can write whatever which way you want to put it , oftentimes what we think we become or what we think we hold inside of us and it will come out .
So this series that we're going to start is based on Dr David Burns Okay , and he wrote the Feeling Good Handbook and he goes through 10 of the most common cognitive distortions so that's a fancy word correct me if I'm wrong , whitney of like ways we think or process that distortions maybe are a little off or distorted .
Correct . Yep , that's exactly what it is . So when you hear the word distortion , go back to the word distorted . So we have an idea of reality because we're living it , but our brain perceives it and then twist it into something different . Now , when I say twist it , I don't mean that like it's maliciously done , because it most likely isn't .
Yeah , and this is . You know , going through this and preparing for this episode was really eye-opening for me , because this is why we always to go back to . It's hard to sometimes know about ourselves , what we do , and things that could have been brought from childhood , taught to us early on . We've adapted to right that .
We've had to that unless someone is aware of these distortions too in your life say a therapist or a trusted loved one who's maybe done work themselves , it's hard for you to say , oh , maybe I should think like that , or wait , that's how I respond in a situation . So I think it's a good eye opener and again , this is not to shame , to criticize anyone .
Or if you do go , hey , that's my husband , that's my best friend , that's my mom , we'll walk through loving ways that we can process that . But so we're going to go through there's 10 . So we're going to hit probably half of them in this episode , in the next episode , you guys , next week we will teach you all about this .
Okay , so the first kind of distortion , thinking or pattern you can start to be aware of is the all or nothing thinking . So that's kind of like . You know , whitney , me and you were great friends but you didn't text me back , okay . So you know , I decide okay , she's mad at me , the friendship's over , I'm never going to have Whitney back in my life .
So I think and that's a drastic example , but it's , it's , it's all or nothing Like it's that black or white . We don't like gray Right .
Well , and it's one of those again , there can be so many different caveats that come to all or nothing thinking . It could be something as simple as a misunderstanding . It could be that you're having a bad day and the misunderstanding happens simultaneously . That's life , it's gonna happen .
It could be that that's the thinking that you were raised in , parents that were all or nothing , that if you made a's you're the best kid ever . What do you mean ? You made an A minus or a B plus . That's not good enough for me . And you're criticized harshly , very harshly , for something that really is not a huge deal . Yeah , really you know .
So we have all of these different elements that kind of play a role in that all or nothing thinking . But if we want to look at it from a maternal mental health care standpoint , then we have to think well , what is their sleep like ? Are they running on fumes ?
Because if you're running on fumes , you're not going to have a great perspective or sense of clarity . You already feel like it's all or nothing because you're getting nothing sleep sense of clarity . You already feel like it's all or nothing because you're getting nothing sleep .
Yeah , so I mean , we all know sleep deprivation will make your anxiety and depression worse . It already heightens that . So everything you view is going to be more negative . So it's going to lean more towards that nothingness . That well , what's the point ? Why do I even try ? I might as well just give up . And that's a lot of self-defeating talk .
And it is easy to have self-defeating talk . Our brains really grasp onto negativity .
Right , because I mean in general too , I've noticed this right , like I could tell , somebody could tell me a thousand compliments and they say one negative thing to me . What do I tend to rehash in my mind is that negative comment Exactly Right . So negative is sticky to our thoughts and to our feelings .
And that is a big play and I think what's important in this conversation , no matter where you're at .
So if you are trying to get pregnant , on the road to motherhood , or just say you're just listening to this and there are situations that's going to arise , knowing , if you go towards these kind of thought patterns and figuring that out , working with a professional , like a therapist that can help you , you know , challenge those thoughts , which we'll talk about more
later . It's a way to fight back from depression and anxiety and burnout and for things to escalate . We're trying to not light a match here to gasoline , we're trying to pull that back . So , again , if you can kind of say you know what , there is instances that I go all or nothing .
I don't see the gray , I don't realize life happens , I don't realize my kids are all sick right now . So this is why my reaction is I don't you know , or you know you're right . I don't give my friends a little grace to realize that situation .
That is kind of some red flags we're going to say start popping up in your mind to say , am I seeing a situation or my thoughts all or nothing Right , so that I think we all can do that . But it is , how common is that ? Is that our go to thought pattern and flexibility ?
I think has a big play in that too , which Whitney and I struggle with flexibility , so that we're calling ourselves out there .
You type A folks out there . We feel you that would be us .
That's a very difficult thing and I think motherhood you can tend to before motherhood , not be as flexible and like things kind of control a certain way . But motherhood explodes in your life and you have to be flexible or you will break . And I think we see that a lot is . People don't say how hard it is to be flexible .
How hard it is to not let it go as planned when the majority of your life you've planned or you love a good schedule . That schedule can be thrown in the air in two seconds . So that is against . All these come into play . The next one we're going to cover is overgeneralization . So if one negative thing happens , only negative things will continue to happen .
And example here your child's preschool teacher sent a note home . You know , hey , please , little Johnny needs to wear sneakers , not sandals . You read this note . You take that as a personal criticism . Right , I'm doing nothing . Right , as a mom , I'm failing . I can't even dress my child right .
So it's like all these things now are negative , when truth is you're just like okay , now , I'm aware , you know , I didn't think about that . So it really is not . It's that cascade of one thing equals everything .
Right . Well , and again , when we look at like overgeneralization , it can also be viewed as one thing goes awry in your day and you think the whole day is bad . So , for example , this happened to you this morning you get stuck behind a wreck and you're behind schedule . It's traffic , it's not your fault , it just happens .
Right , you got stuck behind it and you're thinking , great , now I'm behind for the rest of the day . Today's just a horrible day . I just need to reset . Like , what is the point in doing anything today , because I'm already off to a bad foot ? Yeah , you know , we can say that it started as a hard day .
We can say , yes , you are running behind schedule and the wreck caused you to be late . However , that doesn't mean that the whole day is a loss . It just means that it could take some rearranging , some finagling , and that we have to readjust our expectations for the day . Yeah , that's OK to do that .
It's frustrating , but we are allowed to do that because you know what . The whole day is not bad based on one inconvenience or one thing that set everything off in a negative way .
I think too , as parents , we tend to say we go , it's like a weekend with our kids and we've done some fun things and we've had a nice time at home . But let's say it all burns down at the end right Like a tantrum . You've lost your patience , you and your partner get into it .
And you're like this weekend wasn't I was just talking about my weekend and last weekend , but in reality that was a little slither of the weekend . So it happens to us all . But again , if you're in a situation and you look back and challenge that , ok , no , the whole weekend is not .
We had a great morning , we've had a great time at the playground , you know , we had really cool snuggles while we , you know , watch Blippi , whatever . So it's again going back and I'm saying , just because one thing's negative , everything's negative , and stop yourself , okay , and then the next one . We all do this too , to some extent mental filter .
You ignore the positives of the situations and focus on the negatives . And I think , again , that is so , like we said , negative is sticky , right , it sticks to us . It elicits a reaction of guilt , of shame , of failure , of criticism all those things right , of criticism , all those things right . So again , kind of back to that past weekend example .
You know you focused on the negative and you're ignoring all the positives , right , and you have a hard time balancing life . Normal things that happen . Kids melt , right . You forget things . People get sick , you get behind a car wreck . You send your child into school , you didn't dress on first spirit day number five , because you know it's .
Things happen right , but again it's like what are you , what view are you seeing life in ? Right , and is that a constant ?
Right . And again , the thing is we should never expect ourselves , or anybody for that matter , to encounter something negative and to not feel the negative impact of that . So again , like getting stuck behind traffic , your kid has a meltdown before school , you forget something that they needed for school , or you know what ?
Maybe you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed and you're kind of in a mood . It happens to everybody . We're human . So the thing is , the goal is not for us to ignore or avoid , maybe , the negative feelings , it's to give it a little bit of space and say you know what it's to give it a little bit of space and say you know what ?
I'm frustrated , I'm overwhelmed , I'm ticked off , I'm mad at myself , I'm whatever , but that doesn't have to be my whole day .
Yeah .
That does not have to be my whole day . It's going to be okay when I get to work . I'm going to give myself a minute , take some deep breaths , get my head on straight and try to restart my day there .
Right , so it just it is . It's a good question to ask yourself how , what are you filtering about your day ? What are you filtering about how you're doing at your job , are you a mom , your relationship , and just see what you are seeing and what you're ignoring about the situation .
And sometimes it is like you know , if you're in a therapy session and say I was telling Whitney about my morning and she would say , okay , but you know , you accomplished this and you did this right , too right , and so sometimes it is having that other person that or you can .
There's great worksheets too that you can kind of work through about how your thought process is . But really just being aware , like are you seeing the ? positive and this is something that I wish I would have known these thinking patterns before I was becoming a mom , because , again , like you said earlier , whitney , I'm in sleep depression .
You add in your body's changing , you have hormones , you have an identity crisis , are . I don't care if it's your first child or sixth child , it is a life adjustment and if these thought patterns are present and kind of just your day to day , they're going to get worse .
Right .
Absolutely . We don't want that . And then the next one is similar in a way too , but I think women have a hard time with this . We disqualify the positives , we undermine our own positive attributes and qualities . We can't take a compliment .
OK , let me just say this I have a bias because I've only lived in the South , except for a few months when I lived in Nebraska , so I don't have a great idea of what cultural norms are in other areas .
However , I think that that is very cultural and spiritually influenced in the South because of church saying you need to be humble , you need to be able to say , oh , it's not that big of a deal , because you don't want to seem like you're imposing either . We're meant to be humble , we're meant to be sweet , we're told to do all of these things .
So when someone says , oh , I really like your hair , or that is such a pretty color on you , you're over there . Like what do I say ? Deer in the headlights .
Yeah .
And instead of being able to say , oh thanks , I really appreciate that . Or you know what ? I got this shirty target , like those kinds of simple things Wherever they're like , how do I dismiss this ? How do I move on ? I don't understand what I'm doing here .
So instead of we say oh thanks , it's not that big of a deal , I got it for three bucks at the thrift store . Like we will minimize a compliment so quickly .
Absolutely , and that's hard right Like and even so , you know , in work environments too , right Like , say , someone's like , oh my gosh .
Whitney , you did a really great job on that project , but you and your mind go to . I haven't accomplished so many other things .
I can't take that . I'm getting called out right now , oh goodness , you know , and so you can't see that . Whitney , you did a great job and you deserve that moment of you know . Pat yourself on the back a little bit , right .
¶ Changing Thought Patterns for Mental Health
And if you can't own and appreciate the positive , it gets really hard to when you're suffering with depression and anxiety and life change , because on a good day to day you're not going to do it .
Well , anxiety and depression want to talk you out of that positive . They want to make you feel like you're not worthy of it . That someone told you that , just to be nice , yeah , you know . And that , I will say , is more of a depressive type thing versus an anxious type thing . Depressive is going to be the one to discount it .
Always and forever it's going to be the one to discount it . Anxiety is going to be more of oh well , that was nice . How do I maintain that ? What do I do ? Oh , that called attention to me . Did I really like having that attention ? and you're over there almost panicky , because you don't know how to take it yeah , I think .
Obviously too . It goes back to childhood . I was just thinking that , yeah , you know you may have never been complimented as a child , you could have been only judged , you know , by your accomplishments , right , you could have been felt like your older sibling or younger sibling always got the praise .
You never got the praise All the situations or it could be , I mean the opposite where you were praised so much , right , right . So what do you say ?
Because I think this is something that we have to generationally break , because we want our children to hear us accept and receive and give , you know , positive , point out the positive , and you have to see the positive . And you know where do we change that thought pattern ?
because it's awkward , I mean , it can't feel like you're , you're just like , especially if somebody compliments you , I know , especially for me in front of other people you're , it's like literally you feel like you have to have a reason for that compliment right , you're right , oh well , it was on sale , you know .
Or we have to have a reason for that compliment Right , you're right , oh well , it was on sale , you know .
Or we have to justify their compliment to us . Yeah , so with our kids , I would really encourage parents to do affirmations and this is something that we have been doing with our oldest every day in car rider line .
It's you are smart , you are brave , you are capable , you are kind , you are beautiful , you are brave , you are capable , you are kind , you are beautiful . And we do that , and it took her a while to get comfortable repeating it in the I am brave , I am beautiful , I am smart , I am kind . Took her a long time to get comfortable with that .
Well , now she's at a place where she's like okay , like I can't do that , I am doing better with that .
Yeah , and so affirmations are huge . We should say that to ourselves too , right . And then to your point of you know some people feel about when you bring in the religious content . You know you can always , if that's important to you , you can adjust that affirmation , you know like through .
God I am able to do all things right , or through whatever you want to , can adjust that affirmation . You know like through God I am able to do all things right , or through whatever you want to put in that before statement there .
But there is , you know , affirmations of saying it out loud and sometimes you have to say it for your mind to believe it and you have to constantly rewire it . Because we talk about neurons , sometimes about these thought patterns , right , we for 15 decades have had these thought patterns right .
So automatically our brain is going to say , oh , I can't take a compliment . But if you , like Whitney said , start switching to I am , or you know I can do hard things , or you know I did a good job , simple things . To start saying it out loud , you will change those pathways .
You will .
And it will not feel like you're going , like you want to crawl out of your skin , which can happen .
Well , and we are literally rewiring the brain . Yes , we are rewiring the brain , and you know the thing is too , it doesn't always come back to our parents . Sometimes it does , sure , but the frontal cortex is not fully developed until we are about 26 , 27 years old .
So it could be a grandparent , it could have been a coach , it could have been a boss in your early adult years , could have been a pastor too , where they're like well , you need to be humble , you don't need to gloat , and all those kinds of things .
So then you have that little voice in the back of your head that's like oh , I really I can't see that I did a good job on this project , or on this paper , or at the basketball game , or fill in the blank , whatever it may be , because we have almost been programmed to not do that , but it's actually having some pretty detrimental effects .
A hundred percent it is . And I think our thoughts . What's great about our thoughts , right , is that they're thoughts and they can be changed , they can be challenged , they can be , you know , replaced with a more positive thought .
It's just no one before I suffered from postpartum depression , anxiety , had ever told me , sarah , you know these are thought patterns that are not maybe common , but they are not helpful to you or they are going to accelerate you into depression or anxiety or comparison trap .
Right , so to even say , and sometimes you just think the way you think and you're like , well , I guess everybody thinks this way , right . But it's again to draw attention to unhealthy patterns and that you don't have to always discount yourself , you don't always have to see everything black versus white .
You don't always have to see the negative and assume the negative is going to occur . So again for some healthy thought patterns , retraining cognitive behavioral therapy , which Whitney does every day , day . In think a certain way , or do I react a common way , or you may be thinking about someone in your life going OK , they always are doing this .
So this is a conversation starter . We're going to be back next week with part two to finish it out , the thought patterns and then we'll give you some more helpful tips . Out the thought patterns and then we'll give you some more helpful tips .
But really this if you take nothing else from this conversation is that you do not have to be victim to your thoughts . You do not have to let your thoughts control your life , if you can change those thoughts .
Absolutely , absolutely we can .
So all right
¶ Maternal Mental Health Podcast Promotion
guys . Next week part two . So turn in , we'll see you then .
See ya , maternal mental health is as important as physical health . The Preview Alliance podcast was created for and by moms dealing with postpartum depression and all its variables , like anxiety , anger and even apathy .
Hosted by CEO founder Sarah Parkhurst and licensed clinical social worker Whitney Gay , each episode focuses on specific issues relevant to pregnancy and postpartum . Join us and hear how other moms have overcome mental health challenges , as well as access tips and suggestions on dealing with your own challenges as moms .
You can also browse our podcast library and listen to previous episodes at any time . Please know you're not alone on this journey . We're here to help .