Previa Playback - Why We Don't Do Resolutions

Hey guys , welcome back to Preview Alliance podcast . This is Sarah and we are in our holiday season . This season , whitney and I decided to do replay episodes because these are some of our most listened to episodes and so vital to equip and empower you guys through the stressful holiday season .

sing us Happy new year . But you guys are probably feeling a little bit like we are Like whoo okay , it's almost like the holiday letdown , but also we're gearing up for a new year . It's a weird combination of feelings .

No one really knows . Should we be eating a zillion ?

things we're in limbo .

Should we be like sewing our sweats ? Should we be like trying to take on the world ?

Like are the Christmas decorations up or down ?

Yeah , it's ooh and that's a very strong like divide . People have People feel very certain .

I'm sure people would not appreciate my take on it .

Some come down . I'm more of like I've got to get it down , that's me .

I like to get it down and get my house kind of organized and clean so I can think a little more clearly .

But some people they are like hard set . No , it doesn't come down until January 3rd , 4th , whatever . Some people are like I keep some of it up to Valentine's Day .

I'm like okay whatever works for you . I have a client , bless their heart . They broke their ankle and their tree ended up staying up all year because they just never could get it down . Well , you know what ?

They took the ornaments off no-transcript tree , you wouldn't think twice , you'd be like I know that really bothers her uh-huh , I'd be like , okay , what's your address ?

am I going by chick-fil-a on my way in ? Tell me what we need .

She's's going to lose her mind .

Yeah .

But we are going to talk about why . We said it before , but it's always a good reminder . We don't do resolutions .

We don't .

And I know you're going to be hearing it everywhere you turn .

It's kind of shoved down our throats .

This is new year , new . You set your intention , set your goals . We love all that . Okay , but let's break this down , okay . 80% of people abandon their resolutions by February . Okay .

So yeah , that doesn't last long friends .

Less than 10% succeed , okay . And actually somebody said only maybe 8% . That's not to say that you're not going to succeed . That's not saying that you're not going to be that .

But let's set ourselves up for success over failure .

Right , because what happens here is people tend to shoot for the moon and stars . Right , because we all can do that when effort's not involved . Right , it's like hey , whitney , I'm gonna start running like you and I'm gonna join you .

No , I thought you .

No , I thought how did these two and I thought what is wrong with them Like that's literally the thoughts that was coming in my mind was you and Jenny being like signing up for a marathon ? So me setting a resolution that Sarah is going to be running with Jenny and Whitney , she just ain't in the car .

And that's okay , because I can't do weights , uh-huh , just saying in the car .

And that's okay , because I can't do weights . So that's you know , and I love a good HIIT strength . You know CrossFit workout , so you know . Speaking of this , the most commonly abandoned resolutions Whitney , you probably see this with your clients is health , fitness , weight loss , exercise .

I would agree with that . The unrealistic goals , I would say I don't love the idea of saying that you don't have motivation or willpower , because that's negative .

Right .

But if I say that I am going to run a marathon this year , which I have never ran a marathon , don't really have a desire to . I've done a couple of halves and halves are hard , right .

So people like it's a big deal , it is a huge ordeal .

It's a big deal so for Whitney to come in , who has never ran a marathon , who really doesn't have the desire to run a marathon , and I also maintain a 10 and a half minute pace , which is not that fast compared to like professional runners . Whitney ain't qualifying for Boston . That don't need to be my resolution .

And well , you know now that we're we really , because I love finding out more details about resolutions , right and ? it's saying that the younger individuals tend to have a slightly higher successful rate . They may not have children . That's what I was going to say . This I would love they have more flexibility in their schedule . I always say this all the time .

But how do they know ?

They don't comprehend right , like they don't comprehend the extra that's added on to moms of the mental load I mean we're not , honestly , probably all getting good night's sleeps consistently and the lack of like the village that we're supposed to have , that we don't have to give us that support to . Often sticking to resolutions and behavioral changes take time .

Or it's a teacher workday at school and now you got got to be mom because you are the child care now when they're in public school .

You are . That is a whole level of another brokenness of our system for moms . But , let's talk about specifically . So we were pretty general there . Let's talk about how the landscape of priorities again with these resolutions come in with moms right , we're kind of touching on it . But motherhood's very unpredictable , from postpartum to pregnancy .

Yes 24-7, .

You're keeping this little thing alive . So again this is not saying hey guys , you're not going to be able to keep resolutions . That's why I'm not saying that we're going to get to what we're saying .

But it's self-care versus unrealistic expectations where you set yourself up for failure .

You already know , hey , I'm doing good to get by some days . Maybe it's not running for 30 minutes a day , maybe it's you run , you know , twice a week , right , so that's a better realistic expectation . Yeah , it's more doable Me , I'm like . I feel sometimes like I need to be more zinner and calmer , trying to ground myself , so I downloaded this pause app .

That's a win . A win is a win .

So that is what we're talking about is like don't put yourself in this tiny little box where it's only X , y and Z .

Try not to be rigid .

Oh , and I have a hard time with that Same . So we have to give ourselves grace . So we're talking to ourselves too . But you know , we've said this so many times before we have so much coming at us that's trying to make us feel like we're not a good mom . We're not good enough . So don't put anything extra on you .

Oh yeah .

So you're going to get inundated with all these ads .

Go to the gym , bounce back , get that bounce back All of these supplements , these detox teas and drinks .

They're going to come for the mom and the postpartum body of this toxic culture where they're selling Again .

Well , and even if we do change , it's not always received as a positive thing .

Right .

You know , we have to change for ourselves . Right , I have to decide , not for someone else's approval , and I think that's a big thing too , right ?

If you're like , okay , well , I'm good , but I want so-and-so to have a resolution , I want my husband to have a resolution , Right , and they don't do it for themselves .

Right , it's not going to mean as much , it's not going to mean as much .

They're not going to take ownership in it . And you know what , when it ultimately goes wrong , they blame you for it . Yep , because I never wanted to do it in the first place .

It'll come back and bite you .

And you guys don't even have to , you don't have to say this . But again , social media , the comparison thief of joy . It is going to be coming at you , of making you feel like you're behind if you're not on your 30 days of fat loss Right , that was a big big one after my first daughter was born . And because ?

Right .

And that's painful sometimes .

Oh , yeah , absolutely .

So what can they do ? So let's , so , let's , let's . Let's go and say , okay , what are we going to do ?

So I would say , start out with realistic goals . Try to celebrate non-scale victories .

Right .

So when I say that it could be that you do get your exercise in two days a week , Right For me , which has been a year's process , is okay . I'm going to build myself up to running this distance . You know that's a non-scale victory , right ? I still have 10 pounds that I haven't lost from my second daughter and she's three years old .

I was going to say we work out , yeah , for our mental health . Yep , so we don't do it for the way our genes fit . Now that's a nice compliment . I mean yeah , we don't mind that Right , but we do it because we both are better moms , friends , wives .

Everything , everything , and I want to be able to keep up with my kids . I want to be able to play tag with them in the backyard .

I see grandparents now and I'm fortunate my parents are super active and I want to be them , because then I see others that simply cannot and I'm like I don't so that's my goal . It's not like you said , it's not like limited size X , sarah , jeans needs to fit in Right . It is a long term .

Okay , that's okay , that's okay , I'm still on my long-term goal of where . I want to be Exactly Well , and you know , life is unpredictable .

Uh-huh .

Life has a way of lifing .

Sometimes it just like tornado lives us .

Uh-huh yeah , Hurricane , tornado . Sometimes it just like tornado lives us uh huh , yeah . Hurricane , tornado , earthquake all of the things happen at one time . Because why wouldn't it ? Why not ? Yeah , because that's life . So allowing yourself to be flexible , giving yourself grace and saying you know what ? My kid was sick . I was up all night last night .

A win is a win .

Otherwise , I'm just going to focus on taking care of myself and meeting my needs for today , which means taking a shower , brushing my teeth , brushing my hair , eating and making sure my kid is okay .

And that it's a season of life too . So when you're looking at this , what you can do when your kids are babies and toddlers is way different than what you're going to look at when your kids are in middle school . Oh , absolutely so if we're again going back to these resolutions , you're like well , I want one concept that I like stick to and check off .

Exactly .

But you do not need anything extra that's going to make it harder on yourself .

No , don't add to your plate , do positive influences .

Sometimes it could be . You know , mental health is my priority . Okay , yes , I'm going to listen to this podcast . I'm going to listen to this podcast . I'm going to go to a toolbox tip episode . I'm going to implement one tool that whitney teaches me a week for a month , and I'm going to practice or I'm going to practice mindfulness . I'm going to pause .

Exactly .

Is what we want you to do . Right , that is what we're saying . So don't set a resolution but say you know , don't point out your flaws . I love when you always say this Don't say don't point out your flaws . I love when you always say this Don't say don't make my negative stand out . Right , let's turn it to a positive .

Right , let's reframe .

I love to reframe now that you've taught me that I needed that in my life .

Reframing is really strong .

And I think you know again , just embrace the change . This is a changing versus rigid . We are flexible versus set . We are . You know we're going to bend , but we're hopefully not going to break here and I think that's something that you have to come into motherhood and know .

You're going to bend a lot . There's a lot of pressure .

So what it looks like pre-baby is not what it's going to look like , and we're not ever going back , and that's okay .

And just remember too , you're dealing , like we said early in the episode , post holidays are super hard . You are drained , okay , you have , there's a lot going on . We're overstimulated , we're exhausted mentally , emotionally , physically all of the above it is a lot you have been basically the main caregiver for the past .

I don't know since probably starts before halloween right like . But the extra right , the planning , the for the past , I don't know , since probably starts before Halloween right .

Like , but the extra right .

The planning , the cooking , the holiday activities . I mean you've had umpteen thousand school parties . You've had to see with , deal with family that you often don't . There's been boundaries Giving and buying Financial , physical , emotional investments . You have been tapped out , so you're ready if you think about it .

Yeah , I'm already having to think about christmas gifts because we're changing how we do christmas . So we're going to be at my parents house . So guess what ? I'm amazoning toys from santa to my parents house house so that we can have Santa there when we wake up Christmas morning .

I was going to say it continuously goes ahead and shift in focus . Let's just again . Okay , you have been through a lot with the holidays , so don't what we're saying to you . You've already probably have lack of self-care , so I think you come into it . You've had comparison and guilt on you .

That's unrealistic Because you ate so terrible these past few months .

Well , guess what Y'all ?

threw every bump cake at us that there was none of mankind . It all started when you let the halloween oreos and pumpkin reeses in the store that you put in the stores in september .

Well , I mean , I do partake . I'm not gonna we all do . But you know , that's the thing . That's why I've anybody grasping concept for today . It's just hear what we say . You're not set up against something to have you win right , this is again a marketing business that is creating .

I was about to say this is all strategy with businesses .

And then here you come , they're throwing out to the holidays . Let's be festive , let's eat . You give everything , you decorate the best . We're throwing in comparison and guilt to make you buy more your kids are off schedule . Okay , hello , that's over . No one gives you a break , right ? And then you're resuming your daily demands .

Let's just be for a second .

Let's refill and let's look long-term what we want . And again , why are we letting society dictate who we are as moms , our goals and our resolutions ? Well , who we ?

are , as moms , our goals and our resolutions ? Well , because social media just pours it on like an avalanche , totally .

I think again .

We don't feel like we can get away from it .

We don't and we have to start our self-identity right . So much of us , which we grew up into , this and society is telling us that our self-identity is tied to what we do for our families . You know , like our birthday episode , it's tied to who we are , as what we give and what we create .

what it makes her mom . And however you set a resolution , however you do the holidays , whatever you did for your kids for the holidays , realize number one , that's enough , Totally . It is enough , and it's not a character flaw if yours doesn't look like somebody else's .

And it's not going to . And that's part of the thing is , we've shared before in different episodes that I had to realize with the monogrammed've shared before in different episodes that I had to realize with the monogram t-shirt , valentine's thing that I'm still jerking about five years later I was about to say that still hits you .

Right .

But I couldn't for a while , Right ? So if you are like Sarah five years ago where it's still like well , should I have done better , Could I have done more ?

Dig a little deeper Right . And also , here's my kind of flip on new year's resolutions that I kind of started thinking about a few years ago .

It's like a punishment right .

Exactly . Why are we starting the new year with a punishment ? Oh See , we need to add positive . We're doing therapy here , right ?

We're serving the people with our therapy here .

Right , I'm saying , here she comes , that's right , she comes out with this therapy . Don't co-pay this time . She gives you a free therapy .

That's right .

Happy new year , my friends .

So true . I love that though . So when you're looking at this , I want you to just think of Whitney . Hear what she just said . If you need to replay this episode , turn it back on . Add something to your life this year .

Play it again in June , when life gets hard again .

You're going to need to hear it .

You know what I mean .

We'll say it again in June . That's right . We'll do a mid-year resolution re-talk . We should . I think we should I like it . Because we know statistically we're going to need it .

Right .

But we're going to add this year , so this is what we're telling you . Don't buy in to the peer pressure , the social media pressure . Look and say what do I want to add ? What would make Sarah's life better , what would make Whitney's life better , or what is something that I am not A book that's encouraging ? Oh , my gosh . A small just .

Make it realistic Totally .

If we talk more , that's fantastic , but let's be real .

Let's do one positive Uh-huh .

That's great . One thing let's be flexible versus rigid , and let's realize we're only going to be accountable to ourselves , Right ? Not what society tells us we should be Correct . Okay , guys , we are going to be with you this year . We have so many awesome episodes planned .