Sarah: Hey guys, welcome back. So today we've got Whitney with us and she's going to do something really cool. Cause we know, okay us moms don't have time.
Whitney: Nope.
Sarah: We're short on time. We appreciate you guys listening to us constantly in some of our longer episodes, but today we really want to give you toolbox. So, this is what we feel is going to be most useful for you. You can keep coming back to this episode.
Whitney: Yes. It's here to equip you for the day today stressors.
Sarah: So, we're going to kind of name some techniques. And Whitney's going to walk us through us and tell us how to do it.
Whitney: We got this, let's do it.
Sarah: First one up grounding.
Whitney: Okay. So, grounding thoughts is something that you use if you're ever experiencing intrusive thoughts and those intrusive thoughts are unwanted, unwelcome, and not something that you want to happen. You may hear a lot of people talk about it saying it's a worst-case scenario thinking, or kind of thoughts are snowballing on them. Like you may be putting your baby in the car to go to the pediatrician on sudden you think, oh my God, what if we're in a car accident? And then what if I'm in ICU? And what if my baby's in ICU in a whole different hospital, how are they going to know how to care for my baby and da da da, da, da. So that's what I mean by an intrusive thought. It starts out of, oh no. What if something happens? And then before, you know it an additional five or 20 things like worst case scenario thinking has happened.
So, when you experience those intrusive thoughts, I want you to take a deep breath, get some of that oxygen to go into your brain, slow down that thought process. Bring yourself back to the present moment by using facts. So, tell yourself, okay, I'm worried about getting into a car accident. However, that hasn't happened right now, my baby is safe, and I am safe and remind yourself, okay. If I am nervous about a car accident, I can drive slower. I can just be more aware of the people around me while driving. And if at any point in time I need to pull over, I can. So that's what I mean by grounding. Thoughts is just bringing yourself back to the present moment, using some facts to combat those intrusive thoughts that are not factual.
Sarah: And you have no control of.
Whitney: Exactly.
Sarah: Perfect. Next one is reframing.
Whitney: Okay. So, reframing can kind of get confused with grounding thoughts Sometimes. Cause again, we are changing our thoughts and thought patterns. So, reframing can look like, oh my gosh, if this happens, what am I going to do? So, you take that worst case scenario. Again, let's use the car accident one. Cause I feel like that's, you know, a pretty easy one. So, let's just say you have the thought of, oh my gosh, what happens if I get rear ended while I'm driving my baby to the doctor. Again, take that deep breath and say, okay, my game plan, if that happens is I'm going to pull over. I'm going to check on baby first. And if baby is safe and uninjured and all of that kind of stuff, then I can call 911. And then when you know when emergency personnel gets there, they'll guide you through the rest. They will guide you through everything else that you need to do.
So reframing is almost having that game plan of okay, scary thought. But this is what is in my control. This is what I can do about that. If it happens. Just because you have a thought doesn't mean it will happen.
Sarah: Right. So good. The next I struggle with this sensory overload.
Whitney: Oh. So much I think we all do. And I think our kids do too. I mean there's constantly, we always have input whether it's, you know, visual or auditory or all of the above all at the same time and as moms, we have this constant mental to-do list. So, you know, not only are we most likely in a relationship where we need to maintain that relationship, we have a home that we're trying to maintain, even something as, you know, seemingly you know, minuscule, as you know, unloading the dishwasher, it's still a task. Doing the laundry. It is still a task. Sweeping, still a task, cleaning up a spill, still a task that is in our heads, in this ever-revolving to-do list.
And then we have kids that are 90% that I'm asking for us. Whether it's that they want to watch a certain something on TV or that they want to go outside or that they need a S snack or that they need us to open their snack or that we need to change them or that they need help in the bathroom or that it's time to bathe them or all the things. And then in addition to that, you know, we probably do have a TV on, or our phones with us are something like that.
Sarah: And kid toys.
Whitney: Oh, kid toys.
Sarah: Talk about why they make them so obnoxiously loud.
Whitney: And why do they use the worst sound effects? I don't get it. I just don't get it. It's annoying. And so, you got to think that is a lot of input for our brains. That is truly sensory overload. Our brains can only process so much at one time. So, a lot of times when we have sensory overload, we become irritable.
Sarah: Yes. Nappy.
Whitney: Frustrated, snappy, angry, all the things.
Sarah: Burst on to tears. Maybe that's just me.
Whitney: It happens. And so, if you feel like you're struggling with a sensory overload or an overstimulation, if you're able to go outside for even 30 seconds and just kind of break that cycle a little bit, you know, one grounding technique is to go outside and stand on the grass barefoot. To feel it, to feel that grass there and to not have a screen in your face and to maybe not have all of these things vying for our attention at the same time. And I get it, I have two kids, like it's hard to get outside. Number one, without them coming behind me. Because that's what they do. Yes, naturally. And you know that they need help with their shoes and all the things.
But if you're able to get out without your children for again, 30 seconds, give yourself permission to do that and to take some deep breaths.
Sarah: A pack and play a safe space.
Whitney: Oh, for sure.
Sarah: It's okay.
Whitney: You know what? You're allowed to turn on some bubble guppies for your kids.
Sarah: Totally fine.
Whitney: You know what bubble guppies, paw patrol, Daniel tiger. Whatever.
Sarah: We are big into [06:48 inaudible] at our house.
Whitney: Oh yeah. Peppa pig. Like all the things like Encanto. Oh my gosh. Like Disney plus all the things we're allowed to use those as tools. And then we go outside and just say, okay, I can actually get through this and give yourself that positive affirmation to that. You can do this. Even if you're overwhelmed.
Sarah: I have to tell myself daily, take that deep breath. I can do hard things.
Whitney: Oh yes you can.
Sarah: And I hear it from all my friends too. Yeah. It's not just, I think especially this day and age as moms. We are more since, I mean back, I think in older generations they did not have as much media, social media.
Whitney: Oh, gracious. Yeah.
Sarah: The music, the toys.
Whitney: Well, the demands cause for a long-time houses were not always a two income household. So, we have a job on top of it.
Sarah: Right. And then if you are just a, you know, if you're staying at home, that is your domain too as well.
Whitney: That's a hard job.
Sarah: Those breaks few and far between for a lot.
Whitney: Oh, for sure.
Sarah: So, the input, like you said, and to recognize and even name it, sensory overload. Instead of being like, why am I filling this? So important. Next one, everybody says take a deep breath. I even tell it to my child. Tell us how we're supposed to do this.
Whitney: Okay. So, whenever you're struggling with anxiety or whatever, you may hear some people talk about the 448-breathing method. I don't get caught up in that because when you're in that moment of panic or overwhelmed or over stimulated, you're not going to think, okay, well what were those numbers? What am I supposed to do is too much? It is too much. So, what I encourage people to do, I need you to breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth. And when we do that, we're bringing more oxygen to our brain, but we're actually doing it slowly. And then when we do it like that too, we're actually processing what we're doing. We're feeling it a little bit more when we exhale through our mouth.
So, and you know, take as many deep breaths as you need. There's no right or wrong to that.
Sarah: Yeah. You know? And what I'm learning is that me demonstrating that in front my children, that's healthy. Great for them.
Whitney: Oh, absolutely. It develops coping skills for them.
Sarah: Because I mean, if mom's not handling it right, how am I expecting a toddler to?
Whitney: Yeah. I saw something on Instagram One time that said, a dysregulated adult cannot regulate a dysregulated child.
Sarah: And kids overtired.
Whitney: Hangry.
Sarah: Hangry. I know, especially with school they are so on at school.
Whitney: Oh, for sure.
Sarah: And then they Come home.
Whitney: I hate to say they use their good behavior at school because that's what's expected and mom and dad are their safe places. As hard as that is on us.
Sarah: We have two us and them, both at our limits sometimes.
Whitney: Oh, absolutely.
Sarah: So, it's not just you guys. No, it happens to us.
Whitney: And you know what? It's okay If you do pizza night in the living room.
Sarah: It is.
Whitney: It's okay. You have full permission to do moving out with pizza when you need to.
Sarah: I love a good drive through Chick-fil-A. [10:20 inaudible] on the way home. If I know that mess is really going to bother me. Cause some days if I see the sippy cup fall to the ground for the thousandth time, I know I’ve hit it.
Whitney: Or the food throwing.
Sarah: Oh yeah. Yep.
Whitney: And we're in that stage and I'm not a fan.
Sarah: No
Whitney: I need it to be over.
Sarah: It's a lot. Speaking of that, that brings us to triggers.
Whitney: Oh yes. That is a trigger for me. Food throwing. I hate it so very much.
Sarah: What is a trigger?
Whitney: A trigger is anything that happens that you can tell you almost have an immediate, emotional, or visceral reaction to. And when I say visceral, I mean like a physical reaction to. So not necessarily making you sick to your stomach, it could, but to feel that heat kind of washed over you because you're angry. Or a tension headache.
Sarah: Oh yeah.
Whitney: And so, a trigger, like I’ve said for me, when my toddler throws her food at the highchair, that drives me up a wall, cause I'm like, I have literally cleaned up how many more times today. And now you're throwing your food that you screamed for. And so that's a trigger for me. So, I’ve learned with her that if she throws her sippy cup, guess what you're not getting your sippy cup back on the tray. You don't have to take a break from it. And she's starting-ish to learn that when I put it on the table, don't scream for it. You're not going to get it for a couple minutes.
Sarah: Yeah. That pause.
Whitney: Oh yeah. That pause. Because if I take away your ammunition, you can't go after it.
Sarah: What do you do in that moment though to help you?
Whitney: I have to do a deep breath. I have to do a deep breath because otherwise I'm like, no and I'm yelling and that doesn't help things.
Sarah: You know, one of my triggers was sleep. I realize that sleep made my triggers a lot worse.
Whitney: Yeah. Sleep deprivation absolutely exacerbates any feelings you have.
Sarah: And then hearing him wake up in the middle of the night. So, I had to learn to say, okay, this is a trigger. I can call it for what it is. How do I get better at this? And still working on it.
Whitney: Yeah. It's a work in progress. We all are.
Sarah: Because I realize it goes back to like, I have anxiety over their sleeping versus me feeling, I guess, afraid that they're not going to go back to sleep eventually. I'm going to be so tired. I mean it cycles, I guess. There we go with those kind of like anxiety thoughts here. So, I think it's helpful to sometimes even know your triggers, list them.
Whitney: And to reach out for help. So, if you know, obviously kids, even if they're in the toddler stages, they may not be a great sleeper. They may not be, if you have family nearby or anyone you trust to take them for the night, do it so you can sleep.
Sarah: Yes.
Whitney: Like it's perfectly fine to do that. Now that being said, if you're not comfortable because you worry about their safety or you don't have that available to you, that's completely understandable. But let's just say that your kid does a Mother’s Day out or they do a pre-K or daycare type setup. You're allowed to use your PTO at work, because it is a benefit take a day or take a half a day. So, you can be in a quiet house by yourself and get some rest.
Sarah: Oh, that's so needed. We need our own breaks.
Whitney: Yes, we do. And you're allowed to take them because you will be a much better mama if you get a break.
Sarah: And having, I noticed if I could look at a week and schedule a little me time. Have a schedule.
Whitney: And you know, it's coming, you can anticipate that with excitement.
Sarah: Even If it's 10, 15 minutes.
Whitney: Oh yeah, for sure.
Sarah: So impactful.
Whitney: Absolutely.
Sarah: Our last one as our toolbox for today is going to be voice journaling.
Whitney: Okay. So, I'm a huge advocate of this. I tell my clients to do this, all the time regardless of maternal mental health being, why they're coming to see me. But we all go through really hard stuff in life. Life is overwhelming. You know, unfortunately we may experience family members or friends passing away or getting a bad diagnosis. We may be overwhelmed with work, with family, with kids, with our house. I mean, life can be really cruel sometimes and that's just in our personal lives. That's not even taking into account what happens worldwide. You know, the things that we see and here on the news, it's a lot. So, it's understandable that we feel overwhelmed. It's understandable that we feel like we're just at our wits end.
So, what I encourage everyone to do if you have an iPhone or a droid, they, they both have this, the voice memo app. I want you to open up that voice memo app. And I just want you to talk. I just want you to get it out whatever is on your mind. It may only take you three minutes to get your thoughts out. Yeah. It truly doesn't have to take an hour. Don't feel like you have to have this big, long therapy session with your phone to do voice journaling right, so to speak. Take whatever time that you need. Get it out. And then when you're done delete it and I say delete it, cause that can bring you a sense of closure that, okay, I got that out. Everything's a little bit better. And then on top of that, you don't have to worry about your phone talking back to you.
Sarah: Please and thank you.
Whitney: Because, and you know, I do think that partners mean well, but sometimes they want to give us advice or feedback and we're not looking to them to fix it.
Sarah: Oh, the fixing.
Whitney: We just need to get it out.
Sarah: Yeah.
Whitney: And that's okay.
Sarah: Because no one to be able to fix it.
Whitney: It. Agreed. And I am very much an auditory processor. That's just kind of how my brain works. So, there are times where I’ve had to tell my husband, not asking for advice, not asking for feedback. I just need to get it out. Cause if there is a solution, sometimes I can figure it out if I just speak it.
Sarah: Yes.
Whitney: I just need to be able to hear it cause that's just how my brain works. That's okay. But voice journaling, huge, huge help.
Sarah: I love it. You have provided us with an awesome toolbox. Options Mamas, come back to this.
Whitney: Yes. Listen to this as often as you need to.
Sarah: And we're going to expand more as we continue on, but these are these crucial tools. Implement them in your day-to-day life, they will help. We promise.
Whitney: Absolutely.
Sarah: As always. We appreciate you guys till next time.