Hey Whitney

Hey guys , welcome back to Preview Live Podcast . This is Sarah and Whitney , alright , fan favorite . You ready , let's do this ? Hey Whitney , hey , hey , okay , hey , whitney . Ever since I've become a mom , I've felt resentment towards my partner . The fact he could live his life and mine will never be the same . Help a sister out .

Still there .

Maybe some days , some days , some days .

When my two-year-old refuses to let my husband do anything for her ? Yes , and we still very much love our husbands . We do . But and he , I will say he calls my daughters out on this because I can literally be making supper , doing laundry , doing something in both my kitchen , Like mommy , look at this , Mommy , watch this Mommy , I need a snack .

Oh , that happens frequently .

Yes , and he will say you have another parent , you can ask me for a snack and my toddler will just come up to me and go mommy , snack open .

I'm like .

Thank you , appreciate it , Feel the love .

I mean , let's be real , it's there isn't making kind of a start when you , in a minute you get pregnant or trying to get pregnant , like because if you're struggling infertility , you're pumping the hormones in your body .

Yep .

Okay , they're not doing that . No , you get pregnant , you're in the first trimester , you're sick as a dog , your body's changing . All the basically restrictions have to you . You have to give birth , you have to go through postpartum . So it builds . It's a slow build , and then you have these toddlers that are a little terrorist at times .

Yes , Um the way I've tried to reframe this . Instead of my toddler being clingy , I say she's very securely attached to me Overly at times .

But yes , Okay , baby James , you can your love is known for me .

Yeah , samee is the definition of a veil crow baby . No .

So how do we not get angry and resentful every day , or how do we ? I guess the biggest is like how do we deal with that elephant in the room , Cause we're not the only people that feel this way .

Well , here's the thing we can't not feel that way . I don't know that we can insulate or bubble ourselves from feeling that way , so don't let that be your goal , Cause it's always going to be at some level of like hey , it's not fair . Correct . It's not fair . It's not fair . But you know , part of it is .

It's more effort to explain how to do something that you're like . Why do you not know how to do that ? That's done in our house every single day .

Yeah . So I mean it's one of those like I was letting the dishwasher yesterday and my husband was like , well , why don't you let me do it ? And I said I have two plates to put in the washer at this point , like I'm nearly done .

And it's ? You know what I mean ? Yeah , it's , it's just like oh yeah , you know what I mean .

Like at that point I'm nearly done , let me go ahead and finish it and get that sense of accomplishment . And that's where I fall short , where I do struggle to delegate . So if you are similar and me , really try to figure out what can I delegate and can I actually be okay passing something off ? That's 80% done .

But Toxic trait right here .

Just call myself out , apparently . And so I have to get to a point where I say , okay , even if I'm passing off a test , that's 80% done . At least that's something off of me a little bit , it's done . Yeah , it gets done one way or another , and something did get taken off of my plate a little bit there .

And communicating it to them , of there's some things they're not going to be able to do , and I mean especially newborns and sage . It isn't going to happen . So you have to just kind of I think , knowing that early in life , pregnancy , just knowing it's just never gonna be equal yeah .

But then , fortunately , now as the kids get older , I think that they will start to get to the other parent more frequently . It's just those early years .

It is really , really hard .

My oldest one has gotten better about Letting my husband do bedtime with her and then I do it with our younger one and so that's off of me . I don't have to get her in Jamie's , I don't have to bathe her and wash her hair and brush it out and read her stories .

Yeah , yeah , no , I think that's great , and so make the list . Write it out like we done communicate , be open . Yes and set expectations for the stage of life .

Yeah , and set them low , Mm-hmm set them low .

Okay , here we go . Oh , this is a good . Hey , whitney . I feel like we've gotten to a stage of parenting where I see myself saying things that my parents did to me because I said so . I want to change that cycle . Where do I start ?

Okay , well , you've already started because you're recognizing it , so it's so good have we all been like oh , I just did so and so did to me .

Yes , that ugly exactly .

So that was another thing that I was gonna say is Realize okay , what are some things that my parents did with me and my siblings that I didn't love doesn't mean that they were abusive Right , does not mean they were abusive like cuz . I said so exactly .

This person's saying is you that I agree , like just recognizing as a first step .

Yeah , recognizing it and then figuring out what did my parents do that I didn't like or didn't work right , whether that means you tweak it or you just eliminate it . So , like I said , we eliminated spanking because we don't see a benefit with it .

It has not benefited us or my daughter and then my thing yeah , you're just like you and it's not like I . You know stuff that I'm like okay , we're not doing that correct now ? Do I go cold turkey and not do that , or do I have to sometimes see myself ?

I go , okay , whoa yeah , it's gonna be more of a like you catch yourself on this .

Okay , my man , yes and you think about it . You're just like , oh , but that's good because you're catching right , correct ? So you go from doing to catching , to stopping , yes , to adapting or changing , to do something that your new pattern Mm-hmm .

Yes , you're a generational changer here and then , if there are positive things that you saw , that your parents did Implement , those follow it .

or you see something that your friend does , or you see something that a parenting blogger does and you're like that's great . Exactly , hey , we need a village of information . Yes we're not accepted to know the best practice for everything .

That's exhausting and a no one can do it and , like I said , we , we would love to be gentle parents , but we're more medium . We're more medium because , when we look at the example of because I said so , kids don't get that . No , they need the explanation because they truly don't understand the why you have to tell them Again .

They just don't know .

They don't know , they need us to educate them . Now , if you have a kid that keeps on keeping on , even after that explanation , that's when you say we've talked about it . I've told you that this is the reason why . Do you remember what mommy said about this ?

We do so that we hope for this moment your level of gangster with their child is mild . It's mild , but you know what Kudos to you . You're changing Good job , that's right . Okay , hey , whitney , I filled this one because I was in this in a different with the miscarriage .

Well , I think , recognizing that you are in different stages , that you're not going to fully understand what their life is like , and you know they're not going to understand yours . No , they're not going to understand yours . And that communication will change One thing that one of my friends does .

That's a hard , that's a stage difference . That's not like that's a hard stage .

That's a stage difference and so , while she has more freedoms now because her kids can be home alone yeah , she's got a 15 year old and a 12 year old she's in a different stage . Yeah , they are independent , like they can be home alone for an hour and it's okay . She's sleeping , yes , she is sleeping . I am not , um , not well some nights .

And she , and that's it . I mean because it's like if me and you have a conversation and we hear our children in the background , that's our life .

Like we know , we don't we don't phase , but it's to that person . That's not in that stage , unless you hear a crash and something break . Then it's like , oh , I got to go . It's like , go handle that , just hang up .

Yeah , hang up , it's fine , it's weird we don't take offense to that we have that understanding , and that's because we're in the same stage of life and we don't . We know if a text goes unanswered for a little bit . Yep .

We're not ignoring , we're not mad at each other . No , no , no , no , no .

But for this friend that's not in this stage . They have to kind of give you grace . Yeah , you got to give them grace because they have different expectations .

Understanding and expectations is a big deal here and , like you and I said , it's one of those . If you send a texting goes unread for a little bit , we know that that's not a personal attack .

I don't go with you , mad at me Exactly .

No , we just know life happens . They're busy with the kids , they're busy with work . They'll get to it when they can and that's okay . It's no reflection of our friendship , correct ?

And even that you guys are going to go on a level filled together , because you both know that friendship and you just got to just say we're at different stages with our demands .

But that does not define our friendship . Well , and when it is your time to have a child , she'll be such a resource . She'll be such a resource Exactly , she'll get it . Cheer you on and she's going to be like , oh , what you ?

need . I got you . Okay , last one , love this one . Okay , don't love this for this woman , but my mother-in-law announced our daughter's name at my baby shower when we were still decided about it .

So it sounds like they had like a name through it out , but like wasn't . Maybe we're debating names . Okay , this one might have been in like the top three . Uh-huh , uh-uh .

Well , apparently the mother-in-law announced it . She did not respect our wishes . What can we do , as I only see this basically starting ?

So sounds like mother-in-law already doesn't respect boundaries and I would try to give her benefit of the doubt of being like well , she got excited that you had picked out baby's name . And that can happen , and it can . However , when we say this is also one of the many times she doesn't respect our wishes , that's telling us .

Okay .

Whenever that timeframe is , and if you choose to cry it out , but then she's like , well , how dare you ? And blah , blah , blah . Or if you say , well , we're not going to sleep training , she's like , well , why wouldn't you want to do it ? However , that may go down , you say , okay , I understand that . That's how you feel about it .

And I would say get on the same page with your husband . Partner .

Sometimes the spouse needs to go to their family first and kind of set it because you're going to paint it as the bad person .

Yes , each person needs to go to their family .

Each person goes to their family to set the boundaries and to lay that foundation .

Yeah , yeah . Then you said that , so recognize it , give . I don't think this one was a whoopsy here , but if it was , okay . But again that pattern that pattern , that's different . I would say , for sure , get on the same page with your partner . Then set your boundaries , and your partner has to dig in with those boundaries too .

And that's not an easy conversation . I'm not saying this is going to be easy . It's not unicorns and rainbows .

And it's uncomfortable . But I would say , if this is happening now , you're right , it's going to happen later , when the baby comes .

Oh , absolutely Hit the nail on the head with that .

And you are going to be trying to recover and that is the time when you don't need to be worrying about this . So set those boundaries now and give yourself that period of time to be graced and recover and not deal with it . Don't try to set those boundaries .

and postpartum you don't have to fight that battle , that you shouldn't have to fight that battle , then no , wow , okay , I love these questions .

These were very just .

These were good ones . These were really good ones .

I'm going to be in via Instagram . Just DM us or if you're a previous mom , you actually have a hey Whitney thing on all your emails that you can just like , submit and we will share those , of course , anonymous . No one knows who you are , that's right , and I guarantee you're not alone in all these . So moms are taking these and helping them out .