Do Therapists Really Practice What They Preach?

And we're going to deep dive into Whitney and into therapy and to , like you know , I think the common thing I've always thought about my own therapist is does she really practice what she preaches ? What does she do when this happens ? You know , what is she thinking when I'm telling her this update of craziness that's occurring , like what is she really processing ?

And today is again , we're trying to normalize therapy . Talk about mental health . Therapists are real people too , and we're going to dive into it , whitney . So let's start what is a typical Whitney therapy day .

My niche , as everybody knows , is maternal mental health . So I do see a lot of mamas that are either pregnant , they are postpartum , and I even have some clients that I saw them during their pregnancy and were even two years postpartum . Because , honestly , pregnancy and baby is not the end . All be all to our mental health . No one is a mean from life .

Life will keep lifing and so there's a lot of people that I've maintained for a few years just because that's what's been needed . So I see people for an hour , so I usually I set my timer for about 50 minutes into the session .

That way we wrap it up , we schedule their next appointment and so if I'm lucky , fingers crossed that I'm able to have a potty break in between my people , get my sip of water , kind of you know , regulate myself and jump into the next one . I do prioritize my lunch break because sister has to eat and my brain needs that break .

So typically I either have lunch from 12 to one or one to two , just kind of depends on my day and how early in the day I get started . Tuesdays and Thursdays I start at 8 am , so I bump my lunch up to noon because I could not do five appointments without a break . That's a lot for my brain .

So what is some things you do to keep your mental sanity ? Because people are unloading on you ? It's true .

So if you which I don't think we have any listeners that follow me on Instagram because I do have a private Instagram , because my kids and internet safety and all the things but I do have what I call my emotional support diet Dr Pepper Frequently , I do have that because that is my source of caffeine , because fun fact about me I'm allergic to coffee , so I

have to get my caffeine from other sources . So if I know it's a heavier day , I start my day with my Diet Dr Pepper , or that's what I get with lunch . So that's one way is I kind of have that there ? I do actually make sure that I drink water throughout the day . Number one , because we need to be

hydrated . Number two , it actually grounds me if I'm meeting with a client in something that they say almost triggers me .

We had three deaths in two months within my family and so I mean I just know that grief and death and all of that is just maybe a more vulnerable spot for me , especially when we look at the months from October to December . It's just going to be a harder time of year for me .

And I'm well aware of that client and it was their intake session and nowhere in that intake paperwork did it mention death and grief . It just talked about , you know , wanting to cope with depression , anxiety .

Fair enough , they come in and turns out that they had lost a child Like their child was an adult when they passed away and it was like a chronic illness and there were several similarities with dates from their experiences with death to my experiences with death . And I was sitting there like how am I not going to just sit here and sob ?

So I would actually sip on my water and use that as a tactile grounding technique during that session . And when I tell you that was probably one of my most delightful clients Like I absolutely loved meeting with that person .

But oftentimes I knew , okay , this might be triggering for me , right , but as a therapist , we actually have something in our code of ethics that talks about something called counter-transference , and that is where I project my issues onto a client , almost expecting them to be my therapist , almost like a role model . Think of it like that .

And so that's again star code of ethics . It's unethical for us to do that . However , I also can't prevent being triggered by similarities . Okay , that's just like . Again , no one's immune . There's no way I could avoid that . But what I can do , it is manage my reactions .

So , with that , if I could ever feel myself kind of getting teary eyed or just upset , I would just take a swig of water and just kind of do that a little bit . So that is one way I try to regulate myself in session . If need be , if I need to do that in between sessions , that's definitely something that I do .

One really good way to kind of regulate our nervous systems and kind of force ourselves to get out of fight or flight is if you kind of shake a little bit and I know that that sounds silly , but really like , think of Taylor Swift's Shake it Off , like you're literally moving your shoulders and your arms . Just kind of doing that .

You're re-regulating your nervous system . You're getting some of that nervous physical energy out . Typically , if I do have a couple of minutes in between people , I can shut the door to my office and do that . Nobody sees it , nobody knows about it , it's quiet , all of those things .

I don't have to worry about disrupting the therapist next to me , that I share a wall with things like that . So those are some things that I can do . If I need to like , get out lotion or a candle or sanitizer and do the deep breathing with that .

That's another way that I try to ground myself and just say that was a tough session , but it's okay , that's , it's going to be okay kind of thing , and utilize those grounding thoughts along with it .

So what tips and tricks have you ? You know , because that's a lot to process in of . You're helping people redirect thought patterns . You're helping people learn new coping skills . You're de-escalating people , right ? yes , always what has been valuable , that you have learned , that now you implement in your day-to-day with that .

You know , we look at something like bipolar disorders , we look at borderline personality disorder and we look at complex PTSD , we look at anxious attachment styles or avoidant attachment styles . All of those can have very , very similar symptomology .

And so when I'm talking to someone , it's literally like I have a ping pong ball in my brain of , well , we checked a box over here and we checked one here , but I didn't do this over here and we did do this over here . And like it's constantly going back and forth and I will tell clients .

I'll say , you know , in full transparency , I kind of have some mental gymnastics going on , like I'm thinking that we're clicking boxes for different things , but I don't want to jump the gun on something .

But , admittedly , if you were going to someone for therapy , not for medications , admittedly , if you are going to someone for therapy , not for medications , not for medications and not for an evaluation of something specific , then the goal is not necessarily a diagnosis .

The goal is to work through things and to equip people better and to cope better , and so I think , having that knowledge going in , you may not walk out of your first therapy appointment with a diagnosis .

I think there would be certain ways you know , presentations that I could lay it out or be situational therapy , Right . But if you're like my whole life I've noticed I've struggled with X , y and Z or this happened with my family and that's you know . Like you have 50 minutes , that is not enough time to unpack your whole life .

A lot of times it's not even enough time to unpack a situation .

And then that sense of if you leave out a lot of parts , whitney's mental gymnastics has to go ding ding , ding , ding ding , versus you filling in the whole situation and saying , well , I did say this and do this , or I , full transparency , whitney did X , y and Z .

I'm not telling them something they don't know .

Now you're having this conversation or this role and we're doing a lot of things at once

. How do you get kind of a any things you want to share of how our listeners can be like that's a great way from like transitions . This is how a tip to transition those modes , or this is a transition to I had a bad day at work , or that was really heavy , or I I'm seeing this client , but I know my child's sick and the nurse just called .

You know kind of those , right ?

That has helped me actually get some music in where I'm about 15 , 20 minutes from work , so still not a terrible commute . That has helped me actually get some music in where I'm not having to really use my brain .

Hospital was a different story because you got to , you saw a lot of things and you can't unsee things .

Then it's okay that I leave it at work . Yeah , it actually is okay that I do that , Because then , if I bring it home , I'm not actually giving my family what I have left .

You just feel like you don't get changes in the environment , you don't get breaks , and that from the work-from-home that can feel the same way too . Right , if some way to check in that mind , check out that mind on certain situations or certain events . I think that's a huge thing . And Whitney's a runner . I know a lot of people know this .

But you run and that is your huge outlet and that is a you know you find time and space for long runs , marathon runs .

Me and Jenny have grand plans to do Dopey at Disney one day together , but I have decided that my youngest needs to be in like first or second grade , where my oldest and her can ride the bus home , kind of .

Cause , you know , as a nurse , I know nurses are the worst patients ever in general and we tend to not really do our preventative healthcare or these things . So , therapists , when it comes to mental health , what does that I mean ? Do you guys practice what you preach ?

So you know this story because I texted you , because I was stuck in fight or flight .

But , I had taken my kids to the park one day just me and typically I have no concerns about doing that because it's a small park , I can see my kids and there was a situation where there was a man there that had what could have been a weapon it was like a two by four essentially and he had done something threatening towards another woman there that was

walking her dog . When my brain figured out what was happening , I scooped up my youngest and I told my oldest . I was like run to the car , just go get in the car I will explain later . Just get in the car . And it was in the point like I put my four-year-old in her car seat I didn't even buckle her .

I got in the driver's seat and I drove about two blocks down the road to another parking lot , got her buckled and got home and I was rattled , rattled over that whole situation , to the point where I got home and I told my husband I was like do I call the police ? And he was like yes , yes , you need to call them , they need to know what's going on .

Like I was so rattled that I just thought I've got to get out of here kind of thing . And you know , after I called the police and all that , my daughter was next to me and she just kept asking me questions and I just kept saying I know you're worried , this is why we had to leave , but we're okay now .

And I had to keep saying that grounding , thought over and over of we're safe , we're okay , we're not harmed . We were actually not directly threatened , I observed it . I observed it and I hopefully prevented what could have been a bad situation kind of thing . And so even that next day I was still very much like peak fight or flight , like I was struggling .

And that's when I reached out to the other therapists that I work with . I'm like , hey , how can I get myself out of fight or flight , cause your girl is struggling over here ? And that's when someone said , well , you need to try and shake it out . And I was like , yes , that's what I need to do .

And that physical movement helped me actually work it out of my body . We can't as a therapist I can't actually stay in fight or flight or panic and actually serve my clients .

Well , my youngest has his Lava , which is a little lovey kind of like you know , little stuffed animal thing . They only make one .

I've tried to find multiples , they're not a thing I would highly advise that's a veteran mom tip If you are going to introduce a lovey or a lot you know , get one that they make like five of and like store them and because , yeah , buy in bulk , buy in bulk , because that unique one that you can't replace again , that's a whole thing .

So he usually , when drive off , he waves to my oldest . He's like bye , bubba , love you .

I have warned and warned and warned him not to hold Lala in that hand when I say we were crossing over one of the worst intersections where I live and I see it fly , an orange flying through the air , landing in the middle of the intersection , and my everything went to a thousand like that fight or flight . Well , he lost it . I dropped him off at school .

I got him kind of calmed down and I told the teacher , whatever . And so I had to drive back through said intersection okay to get home . And I was like I prayed . I was actually like God , if it is your will for me not to die and get this lava , please , you know .

And when I say Whitney , I pulled up in this intersection and I see it and I'm like , oh my gosh . So I went into a parking lot . I had to go through the bushes . The people probably thought I was homeless A . By the way , I was dressed at that moment for drop off . B . I came through the bushes and I ran as fast as I could .

I grabbed the Lala , dove back through the bushes , drove off . But I was in such a fight or flight I had to take a cold shower . I was going back . I was like what is everything I know to do ? And it took a cold shower . And then I am the type that I have to physically do something .

So I went and I worked out and I like had to lift weights , but I could not get that out of my system . Granted , that was like you know that child . I'll probably tell him of what I did to risk my life for the rest of his life for this .

But , it's one of those things that I couldn't like go about my day and do the meetings and do the test I needed Because , like you said , just so ramped up . Yeah . Yeah , it was scary how much my nervous system , even hours after , was like .

It's just a whole episode on nervous system regulation in ways , because , yeah , that was a moment , but as we finish the conversation , what is one thing that you want listeners to know about therapists

?

And I think that is key and you know it's a we're appreciative , and I think it's always wonderful to pull back the curtain to people who we say these are , you know , trustworthy , they're great , they're tools equipped and like just to say you look at them and say we're in this together and to really lean in and therapy's not , shouldn't be this big , scary ,

taboo thing .

And that is like life events that could be deaths , that could be transitions , that could be becoming a mom , that could be sending a kid off to college , that just these quakes of life that will make us feel unshaky at times or need of that extra support , and that it is .

You know , it's always hills and valleys , but thank you , whitney , for being on the hot seat and letting us get to know our favorite therapist even a little bit more . Yes , all right listeners , hope you enjoyed this fun , kind of just different episode .

But again , if you are looking for therapy , if you're a Preview Alliance mom , all you have to do is text us support and we will get you settled . But if you are not and you are interested , postpartum Support International has a really great find a therapist directory . Psychology Today is amazing .

You can search by your state , your insurance , maternal , mental health or PTSD , ocd , things that maybe you're struggling with . Just start there , and we always encourage you to know that the first step of seeking help is often the hardest , and after that it's all downhill from there . So thank you , guys , and we'll be back next week Sounds good Bye guys .

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