Teaching | Identity and Calling | Garden City E02

Hello and welcome to the John Markoma Teachings Podcast. My name is Yinka Dawson and I'm your host. Each week we feature teachings by John Mark or other voices in the formation space and it's great to have you with us. We're continuing our Garden City series to celebrate the re-release of John Mark's book. This week, John Mark digs deeper into what God's vision for humanity as culture makers means for identity and calling as individuals.

Here's John Mark. Okay, turning your Bibles to Genesis chapter 1. Genesis chapter 1. Last week, we kicked off a brand new series called Garden City that is loosely based on my book of the same name, if you want. This series is not nearly as in-depth as that book. If you want it, it's for sale out in the annex for $7. That is cost. I don't make a dime off of you to clarify. But the guts of this series over the next month or two is about...

work. It's about what we wake up and go do five, six days a week, and the intersection of that and what it means to be a disciple or an apprentice of Jesus of Nazareth. Now, we left off last week in Genesis... chapter 1, verse 26. Let's read it again. Then God said, Let us make mankind in our image. in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals and over all the creatures that move along the ground.

So, God created mankind in his own image. In the image of God, he created them. Male and female, he created them. Now listen to this. God blessed them and said to them, be fruitful and increase in number. Fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves. This is a watershed moment in the Bible. Scholars call this paragraph right in front of you the cultural mandate.

Because it's a mandate, or in today's language, a command to make culture. Get that, because... I, for one, think that is fascinating. God, the creator, the maker of the heavens and the earth, he commands all human beings to make culture. Now there are two parts to the cultural mandate. The first is this line, be fruitful and increase in number. Fill the earth or make something out of humanity. Now, at face value, this just means get married and have kids. All the single people said, someday.

It's easy to skip over the most obvious reading, but think about that for a minute. My wife and I have three kids who were here last hour, and because of that, Tammy, right now, not forever, but right now, is a full-time mom. But I like to let you in on a second. secret. I hate it when people come up to me and ask, hey, John Mark, does your wife work? Exactly. Come on. Really? Really?

Because there's a subliminal message in there that parenting does not really count as a legitimate career. That if you are at all educated or progressive or forward thinking, why in the world would you give some of the best years of your life to you? your kids. But in God's worldview, reality is 180 degrees in the other direction. Parenting is at the focal point of God's vision for the world. So all of you full-time parents, well done. Most of you were here last hour because you're all home.

with your kids now, but well done. But that said, this means way more than grow a family. I mean, this is the ancient world. There is no birth control and no Netflix. So you do the math. So what is God saying here? All right, what exactly is God up to? Well, the key is in that second line, fill the earth. One family isn't enough for what God has in mind.

the garden to spread out to the four corners of planet Earth, and he wants Adam and Eve to grow into a huge, thriving civilization. He wants Adam and Eve to make babies, and out of that to make tribes and nations and government. social services and community centers and cities and on down the list. He wants to make a society, which leads to the second part of the cultural mandate, that line, subdue it and rule.

Meaning, harness the raw materials of the earth itself and make something out of the world. You have a forest. Do something with it. You have precious minerals and metals and ore in the earth's crust. Get it out. You have water and wind and pent up latent energy. Do something with it. Plant crops. Make food. Build houses. houses, design iPhone apps, write music, invent solar power, pour coffee, do something with the world, fill the earth and subdue it. So.

God commands all human beings to make culture, to make something out of humanity, and then in turn to make something out of the earth itself. Here's my point. From the beginning, God is after a civilization. God wants more for Adam and Eve than an ancient version of the Swiss family Robinson.

He wants a healthy, large, thriving, growing civilization. And the beauty of civilization is that it allows for specialization. Think about that for a minute. In a primitive society, and I don't mean that in a derogatory way, but say a hunter-gatherer society or an agrarian society, basically everybody... is a hunter-gatherer or a farmer. You work all day long just to eke out a living. It's still this way in a lot of the world.

But as a society grows up, it starts to generate wealth. This in turn frees people up to do more than hunt and farm, but to fill a niche need, to become a banker or a baker or a barista or a full-time. mom or an artist or a writer or a teacher or whatever. And that, to do that well, takes a whole lot of people. Here we are, who knows how many millennia after Adam and Eve, and as of 4pm this afternoon, there were 7,377,980,941 people on the planet.

There is a thing called worldometer.com. It's fantastic. You can watch people being born, like, numerically. I'd say, JM's opinion here, I'd say that we can check the be fruitful and increase in number command off the list. Like, well done. We've done that one. Like, props to you.

Here in Portland, because of that, we live in a corner of the world that is a great example of civilization. And Portland's not utopia. There's injustice and racial tension and we have no parking. There's all sorts of issues. But this is a fantastic city. That is a beautiful and perfect, but...

beautiful example of civilization. For example, I'm nursing here from a couple of hours ago, a cup of coffee from Hart right down the street, which is, yeah, just fantastic coffee. So do you have any idea what goes into a cup of coffee? I mean, for starters, human beings had to evolve past Starbucks. And there had to be a figure, a celebrity or a politician or somebody. who had to raise awareness about the fact that most coffee in the world is dependent on slavery.

And that, in turn, had to inspire somebody from Portland to actually get on a plane and go down to Columbia, where this coffee is from, and meet a farmer and strike a deal that is fair. But somebody else had to actually grow the crop. Somebody else had to actually ship it to the U.S. Somebody else had to roast it. Somebody else had to invent then manufacture a coffee machine. Somebody else had to manufacture a cup. Somebody else, the barista, that is half of you, had to actually make the coffee.

Not to mention somebody had to be the business owner, the business investor, the accountant, the contractor to make the space. I mean, on and on, just so that I could have a really good cup of coffee for $8. And that's a cup of coffee. Can you imagine what goes into a building or an airport or a university or a hospital or a city or a nation? My point is that civilization isn't a wild west with every man for himself. It's a web of billions of people.

all working together for a better world in a spirit of collaboration and interdependency, each one giving something special and unique. So now we are getting to this idea of vocation. Vocation is one of those old, tired, cliche, overdone beautiful, haunting, important, essential words that we swim in all the time, but I don't think we really realize how deep it goes.

Vocation is not a word that's used in the Bible, so there's no passage to turn to, no Greek or Hebrew background to define vocation for you. But I would argue it's an idea that you read all the way through the scriptures from beginning to end. And this is my summary of the idea of vocation. I would define it as your God-given identity and calling. Your God-given identity and calling, meaning it's who you are and it's what you do because there is no way to separate the two.

That word vocation in English comes from the Latin word vocatio, which is usually translated as calling, but more literally it's voice. Your vocation is your voice. It's unique and it's special to you. It's what you and only you bring to the table. And because of that, it is both your identity and your calling.

You know, there's this nasty rumor floating around the church right now that is dualistic, and it's Greek, and it's not from the New Testament, but it's really popular. And it sounds something like this. I hear it all the time. Hey, you know, it's who you are that matters, not what you do. You hear that ever? And every time I just think, really? Like, where do the scriptures teach that?

I was reading a well-known thinker the other day, and he had this line in the book, We're human beings, not human doings. I started to throw up in my mouth a little. That is ridiculous. First off, you can't bifurcate who you are from what you do, because what you do, for better or worse, and Jesus was crystal clear on this, flows out of who you are. And I know that drags up insecurity.

and fear or pride or whatever, but that is the reality of life. Case in point, turn over to Acts chapter 9 in the New Testament. This is a well-known story. It's dramatic. It's out of the ordinary. It's not kind of run-of-the-mill for you. and me, but still I want to read it because this is a story, Acts chapter 9, about a man discovering his both God-given identity and calling. Let's read it, Acts chapter 9.

Meanwhile, Saul was still breeding out murderous threats against the Lord's disciples. He went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the way or the Jesus people, Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me? Who are you, Lord? Saul asked. Five, I am Jesus whom you are persecuting, he replied. Now get up, go into the city. You will be told what you must do.

The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless. They heard the sound but did not see anyone. Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes, he could see nothing, blind. So they led him by the hand into Damascus. For three days he was blind, did not eat or drink anything. But in Damascus, there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in a vision. Ananias! Yes, Lord, he answered. The Lord told him, go to the house of Judas on...

straight street, and asks for a man from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying. In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight. Lord, Ananias answered, I have heard many reports about this man, all the harm he has done to your holy people in Jerusalem. He has come here with authority from the chief priest to arrest all who call on your name. And then listen to this. Pay attention.

But the Lord said to Ananias, Go, this man is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name. I love this story because first, God speaks in identity over Saul. He is my chosen instrument, end quote. Then, after that, God speaks a calling to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel.

And this paragraph right here essentially reads like a table of contents for the story that is Saul's life. If you know the story, if you keep reading, Saul later on becomes Paul, who ends up writing a huge chunk of the New Testament. And he's an incredible... Man, that literally changed the world. But I love this paradigm. First, identity. This is who you are. Then, out of that, calling. This is what I made you to do. That's it.

As I see it, a vocation, your identity, your calling, isn't something you choose. like where you work or what city you live in or what car you drive, any more than I choose the color of my skin or my hair or my eyes. No, calling, identity, vocation is something that you discover. that you unearth, that you excavate out of your identity.

This is what we want to see so badly happen here at Bridgetown. We want to see all of you, no matter where you're at, discover your God-given identity and calling. And then ideally, in a perfect world, build a career around that. But here's the problem. Most of us don't have a Saul on the road to Damascus kind of experience, right?

I mean, most of us don't have this story. Oh, yeah, a couple of months ago, it was a Saturday morning. I was cycling to Barista for a coffee, you know, and I was just knocked off my bicycle, light from heaven, audible voice from God. I'm shaking, epileptic seizure. the floor and god said joe why do you work at apple i made you to be a professional luchador whatever you know it is like maybe you have that story well done we'll um

We'll check you into the hospital later. No, I'm kidding. Maybe you have that story. If so, fantastic. But for most of us, discovering our God-given identity and calling is far more ordinary and mundane and run-of-the-mill. It usually happens not in a moment, but over a year or two or 20 or 30, even a lifetime. And guess what? That's over.

Okay. You know, I wonder, and this is my opinion here, but I wonder if stories like this one, Saul on the road to Damascus, or Jesus in the Jordan River, this is my son, or Joshua and the angel of the Lord, or Moses in the burning bush, whatever, these dramatic, miraculous stories. I wonder if they are in the scriptures not because they are the norm, but because they are the exception to the rule. I don't know.

But I know that most of us don't have an Acts 9, Saul on the road to Damascus kind of experience. But listen, listen. You, no matter how old you are, where you come from, where you're at with Jesus, you can still have, you can still discover who God made you to be and out of that what God made you to do.

Now, before we talk about how, that's the roadmap for the night, there's one objection I need to deal with all the time, that whenever I chat about this, I hear from people, and it's a legitimate criticism. And basically the question is this, isn't this just a conversation for rich people? John Mark, you're an educated white male. Like, sure, for you, it's easy to chat about that. Isn't this just a conversation for people that are socially mobile?

What about the developing world? What about the billions of people that live hand to mouth? What about Zimbabwe, where our church does a ton of work through Hear the Cry? Last time I checked, the unemployment rate in Zimbabwe was at 91%.

So if you are in Zimbabwe, if you're a Zimbabwe, and unless if you're from the upper crust of society, you don't, you know, dream about what's my identity and what's my calling and what's a career that's in line with who I am and what I'm passionate about and good. No, you wake up in the morning and you just hope that you...

You eat that day. You just hope that you survive. Now, there's still some measure of freedom and mobility and you immigrate, you start a business, whatever. But still, like your list of options is really short. Even here in the city, even here at Bridgetown, there are people here in the room tonight who have a graduate degree from an Ivy League university.

And there are people here that were on the street six months ago and right now are living at the Portland Rescue Mission and dealing with addiction. Some of you are just wrestling with family of origin stuff, abuse and dysfunction from your childhood. You're just trying to get help. healthy, just trying to get your feet under you.

Others of you were born at the bottom of the socioeconomic spectrum in the U.S. Like, we're from all over the map, even here at Bridgetown. But does that mean that we shouldn't have this conversation? I would argue, no, absolutely not. It just means that we need to have it with sensitivity to those around the world and even in our own church who aren't in the same place. I got an email early this week after last week's teaching on work. I got two. I got one email from a gal in our church.

who may be here tonight, I don't know, who is blind and was so inspired by the teaching to pursue her dream of becoming a civil rights lawyer, which is just beautiful and poetic. But then right after that, I got another email from a gal in our church who was not inspired by the teaching, who was in an accident last year, who's bedridden, who literally can't get out of bed. And the whole idea for her is just...

hard and difficult and nauseating. All right, so people here, even tonight, are all over the map. But that said, I would argue that we need to have this conversation because the reality is that we are, for the most part, people of privilege. We live in Portland, Oregon. This is a democratic... semi-capitalistic, depending on what street you live in, educated, urban, socially mobile city. And I think with that comes not a guilt trip or pride.

I think with that comes a responsibility to steward your vocation, your identity, your calling. It comes a responsibility not just to slack off and do your own thing, but to be who God made you to be. and to do what God made you to do, if nothing else, to leverage your career with creativity for those that are not socially mobile here in the city and around the world. Now, that said, as we move forward, when it comes to vocation,

and to discovering your identity and your calling. As a church, we're kind of all over the map, right? In particular here at the 7 p.m. Some of you know exactly who you are and exactly what God made you for, called you for, shaped you for. I mean, you are off to the races. You're either in your career. where you know exactly where you're going and boom, well done. Others of you have no freaking clue.

You're trackless. You're visionless. You feel like you're going in circles. Maybe you're 20 and maybe you're 30. Maybe you're 14. It's because you're 14. Don't worry about it. You've got plenty of time. Others of you are even older than that, and you still feel like an occupational vagabond. And then a ton of you are somewhere in the middle. You have a vague sense of your vocation, but it's not at all clear yet. Listen, wherever you're at on that spectrum,

One of the best ways to discover your vocation is to ask questions, lots of questions. So here are eight questions, if you're taking notes, that I would ask if I were you. First off, here's the first one. What do you love? Or on the flip side, what is it that you hate?

Put another way, what are you passionate about? What makes you light up with joy or what makes you sad and angry? What keeps you up at night? Everybody has something, right? One of the things I've learned over the last couple of years is that no matter how... quiet or introverted or socially awkward somebody is, if you can just tap into whatever that thing is, they won't shut up.

So last night, we had a bunch of neighbors over at our house. There's this dad, great guy, who's a dad of one of the kids on Jude's soccer team. And I've had a couple of conversations with him, nothing longer in depth, but a couple. And he was just... really nice, but really quiet. And it was always a really short conversation. So he comes over and we get into a conversation and I found his thing. It's pottery.

He's a potter and a sculptor and a professional. Once he started talking about clay, that was the end of the night. It was just all clay, like the whole evening. It was this and that and pottery and sculpture and this and California. And it was beautiful. He was passionate. He was on the edge of his seat. I mean, it was like once you tap in, everybody, for the most part, has something. What is that thing for you? Start there.

See if there's a way to tap into that, maybe even as a career. My mentor Gary's advice to young people is this. Figure out what you love and then see if you can make a living at it. One of my favorite questions to ask young people in particular as we dream about the future is, listen, if you could do anything, and you can't, but if you could, what would it be? Well, here's another way of asking that question.

What would you do if you did not need any money? If you were a trust fund baby, if I gave you $20 million, because I have it, obviously. Duh, that's why I work here. So what would you do? And if you're thinking, play video games? No, like after you did that for two years and were bored out of your mind, like what would you do with your life? Like start, start there.

Now, all the realists in the room are thinking, come on, dude, it's not that easy. Guess what? You're right. It's not that easy at all. We don't live in utopia. Life is not ideal. Life is not perfect. Most of us don't get our dream job. But it's crazy to me that so few people even pursue what is deep in their heart. So few people even try.

So few people settle for safety or security or this job or this degree because I know that will make a bunch of money or whatever. And don't even try to chase after what is down deep, the rumble in the soul. I think the number one reason is fear. The number two reason I think is laziness. But the number one reason is fear. And remember that fear comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes.

It comes in the people who are kind of 25, 30 years old, still living at home, working part-time, not really going anywhere. And it comes in people who are 25, 30 years old, have a graduate degree from Yale, are making 300 grand a year. And guess what? are really successful on the outside and don't like much less love what they do at all. They did it because mom said to, dad said to. That's where prestige is. That's where money is. But really, you know what I want to do?

I would love to be a fishing guide and make a fraction of this and live in a ghetto apartment but live on the river every day. Okay, I think fishing is so boring. Have fun. Well done. Fear comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes. I see it in people that are 30, 40, 50 years old, successful in a career, but really they are dying to start their own business. But it's just too scary. It's out of the safety net. It's out of the comfort.

I see it in young people that are really passionate about something, but they're just scared to fail, scared to look stupid, scared to waste three years of life. Or there's laziness. People just don't want to take that long, don't want to go to school, don't want to do the thing, don't want to put in all the hard work, effort, energy. Let's just work an hourly job and make it to Friday. Nothing wrong with an hourly job, but you know what I'm saying.

So fear comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes. All I'm saying is, what is it that's deep in your heart? Start there. Second question is this. What are you good at? And on the flip side, what are you bad at? Because both are important. You need to embrace both your potential and your lack of potential. We all know people who want to be a singer or a dancer or a designer or an athlete who just really suck at whatever it is they are passionate about.

that because actually I can't say that really I'm not supposed to sorry but growing up for example this is shocking to you if you know me at all but I was so into basketball it was like occult religion in my family. I wanted so bad to grow up, play college basketball or the NBA or whatever. We lived in California. I used to go out every afternoon, practice.

basketball in the front yard on the driveway. There was this movie back in the day called Pistol Pete. Anybody remember that from the 90s? Yeah, that's right. I'm not alone. Remember that? He would like have the blindfold and he would like dribble around the living room. I did that and I like broke stuff all over the place.

And he would put like a cone set out in the driveway and he'd go and I would do that. And then the ball would like ricochet and go down the street for a mile. And it was really embarrassing. So the only problem was I just, I suck at basketball. Like, I just suck at all things involving athleticism of any shape or kind or anything that's involving the body. I just, I'm really bad at it, you know? So now at 35, I'm a runner because that's basically...

Go forward faster. Okay, I can do that. That's about it. Some of you are like, that's not true. There's technique. Shut up. Okay? You just... Go forward faster. That's it. So, you know, I play basketball until my freshman year in high school. I'm like on the JV of the JV, and the entire team one day was mocking me.

At that point, I just said, you know what? I don't think the Golden State Warriors are going to hire me. I just don't think it's going to happen. So I gave it up. But then not long after that, I found music. And I was pretty good at music. My band eventually got signed. We made a bunch of records, started to tour. But then I found teaching. I thought, oh, man, now that's...

that's something I could really give my life to. My point is, and we'll talk more about this in a couple of weeks, but we all want to get to the place in life where there's something that you are really good at. Not arrogant about. I don't mean hubris. I mean, there's something that you do and you just feel like, man, this is right.

Now, it takes years to figure out what you're good and bad at. And then it takes way longer than that, maybe even decades, to actually become an expert, a scholar, a maestro. or whatever in your field of work. So experiment. and love it along the way you'll do some things and you'll do really good you'll come alive you'll love it people around you will say man you were that was fantastic you should think about that

You'll do other things, and maybe you'll hate it. Or maybe you'll like it, but people around you will all say, you know, I don't think that's your calling in life. I think there's, we love you, and I think there's something else, or whatever. That's beautiful. In fact, when that happens, When that happens, celebrate it, even if it looks and feels like failure. Remember that sometimes failure just means that you need to give it another shot. You need to take another run at it. Don't give up.

But other times, failure is actually another step forward in you learning your vocation, learning what you are and what you aren't called to do. If it's that kind of failure, then don't. grieve or lament or go emo for six months of your life, celebrate it because you just took another step forward in getting clarity around your vocation, around who you are and what God made you to do.

Third, and we'll move faster now, is this question. What does the world need? When you look out at the world, at your city, at your nation, at your generation, what is it that is missing? What is it that you feel like from your vantage point the world needs more of or the world needs less of? When you look out at the world, is there something that you think to yourself, man, somebody needs to fix that. Yeah, well, maybe that somebody is you.

Maybe that's why that is stirring in your heart. The novelist Frederick Buechner puts it this way. Work is, quote, the place where your gladness meets the world's deep need. And that's what we are on the hunt for, the intersection between what you love, what you're hopefully good at, and what the world around you needs. Fourth question is this. Does it make the world a more garden-like place?

Remember last week, if you were here, and if not, the podcast is available, we said that we're not just called to any kind of work to pay the bills. We are called to make a garden-like world where image bearers can flourish and thrive. So what about your work? Is it creative or is it destructive? Is it good work?

Is it good for the earth? Is it good for the economy, both the local and the global economy? Is it good for the poor? Is it good for the developing world? Is it good for the human brain? On and on. Is it good for culture at large? Does it make the world a better place? most importantly, is it something that God smiles on? At the end of a long, hard day of work, whether you love your job or hate it, do you feel and hear the voice of God in the back of your mind? Well done.

Because there are some kinds of jobs, some kind of careers, some kind of vocations that just cannot be a calling from God. Using your body in a pornographic or sexualized way. That's never from God. siphoning the natural resources of the developing world so the 1% can live just a little bit better. God doesn't call people to be a terrorist or to be a loan shark or to be like, that's just not.

how it works. The only vocations that can be a calling from God are those that harmonize with Jesus' vision of the kingdom. So what about your job or your career or your college major or your long-term dream for your future? Does it make the world a more garden-like place? Fifth question is this. What are people who know you, people who are around you, saying?

Sometimes, you know, people close to us, your family, your mom and dad, if you come from a good home, your mission community, your best friend, people that do life with you, have a unique vantage point to see into your life and to speak your identity. and speak your calling over you in partnership with God. And so ask those kinds of people, not just a random person on the street, but ask people who love you and care about you and who actually know you to speak into your life. And then listen.

And don't just ask people. Like, you know when people go out and they ask for counsel or advice, and really what they're just looking for is people to say yes? Like, that's not what I mean. You're like, that's not how it's supposed to work? No, that's not how it's supposed to work. If you ask counsel, if you ask advice, you listen.

whether it's what you want to hear or not, whether it's yes or no. Go around. Hey, so I have this idea. I'm thinking about starting a food cart, or I'm thinking about becoming a dentist, or I'm thinking about a wrestling coach, whatever your thing is, all right?

Run that by people. Hey, what do you see? Do you think it's a bad idea? Do you think it's a good idea? Can you see me doing this? Can you not? Speak into my life. What do you see as my identity? What do you see as my calling? What do you see as my vocation? And then whatever happens, whatever people say, listen.

Now, obviously, opinion and bias come in here, and your mom or your dad or your uncle or your pastor or your mentor or your community is not God, all right? So filter it, but listen to what the people around you who love you and know you. Say, don't go at it alone. Sixth question is this. What are the open doors in your life? What's right in front of you? Staring you in the face. What's happening?

Or maybe it's, on the flip side, what's not happening? You've got to be careful with that second question because sometimes a closed door is just a timing thing. You know, it's not the right time yet. Or sometimes you just need to bang on it a little bit louder. Or sometimes you need to actually, like...

Throw your shoulder into it. But I think you know what I'm getting at here. Sometimes a calling is right in front of you. It is staring you in the face. And all you have to do is make eye contact. Next, here's the follow-up question to that. Is there anything that God is blessing? Maybe there's an area in your life that you just feel like God keeps blessing it. You're good at it.

You're getting even better at it. Open doors, keep coming your way, opportunity after opportunity. You feel like in that area, everything you touch kind of turns to gold. Maybe not at all, but for some of you, you're like, yeah, kind of. You know, some of you I know are just brilliant and really good at a ton of stuff. We hate you. Most of us are not either, right? And so sometimes, and not all time at all, but sometimes you just get this sense, man, I feel like God is blessing this.

That might be God's way of saying, hot, hotter, on fire. Like, that's it. That's what I'm calling you into. And then here's the last question, and I would argue by far the most important. It's this. What is the Holy Spirit stirring in your heart? This is similar to the first question, like what are you passionate about or what do you love? But it's a little bit different because sometimes the Holy Spirit will call us to do stuff that we don't want to do. Right?

If you have been following Jesus for any length of time, you have figured this out. Sometimes you'll have this urge. pull, push, sense, call deep inside to do something, that in all honesty, you're just not, you don't actually want to do it. It's a sacrifice for you. Like I remember, true, this is kind of hilarious now, but I remember saying to God, I will do anything for you except be a pastor. That's awesome. So here I am. So God has a sense of humor, and there are times when...

When God does this, when there's something stirring deep inside of you, something that you just can't shake, the sense maybe even of destiny that you were made for something, there's something that you feel like you have to do as an act of obedience. and submission to the Holy Spirit. There's all sorts of things that I think sound fun. And I could hopefully make a living doing any one of them. But teaching the Bible is what I feel I will stand before God and answer for, did you do that or not?

Maybe that's a bad example because it's spiritual sounding, but it could just as well be start a taco stand or design furniture or whatever. Like, is there something? And if the answer is no, don't worry about it at all. But is there something deep inside of you? I read this morning, I read this beautiful line in Psalm, I think it was 33, that God fashions every man's heart.

I love that. God fashions. If you are a man, if you are a woman of God, then the Holy Spirit is in you. And God is actually... doing stuff deep inside of you. You know, when I was younger, I was really scared to listen to my heart because my heart is such a mixed bag. There's good stuff in there. And then there's jealousy and insecurity and lust and materialism and greed and ambition and just...

in there as well. It's a mixed bag. And because of that, I think I was really scared to listen to my heart. But the older I get and the longer I follow Jesus, the more... It's now 180 degrees. Now I'm scared to not listen to my heart. Because I realize that more and more a desire I have or a stirring or an angst or an urge in me.

A lot of the time it actually started as a desire in the heart and mind of God himself. God actually put that deep inside my being because that's what God is calling me into. So we all have desires that we just have to kill off. And we also all have desires that we have to let out. So is there something that the Holy Spirit is stirring in you? Some of you are thinking, no, I have no clue. I wish. Totally fine. But some of you are thinking, oh man.

Yeah, I don't even think about it. That would mean 20 years of school. That would mean this. That would mean giving up my, that would mean less money. That would mean moving to. But is there something deep in you? And you carry a healthy, sober fear of God about it. If so, don't suppress it. Don't ignore it. Don't drown it out. Don't run away from it. Don't pull a Jonah like it does not end well. Go after what God has put in you.

Now, hopefully as you run your life through this grid, Your vocation starts to come into focus. Your identity and your calling gets clearer and clearer. Now, if not, that is okay. If you're here and you're thinking, I have no idea. You're 14. Calm down. But even if you're 24 or 34, it's okay. Don't stress out. Don't let insecurity come up from you. That is not from God at all. It's not from me either, okay?

For most of us, vocation starts out vague and ambiguous, more of a feeling in your gut or a desire in your heart than a career path. But over time, the hope is that it gets clearer and clearer. I believe that God called me to be a pastor. when I was in high school, middle of high school. But I had no clue. That's like God saying, you're called to business.

Okay. I had no clue who I was, what I was good at, what I was bad at, where, what part of the world, what my job, what my role would be. I had absolutely no idea. Now, at 35, I have a ton of clarity. more than ever right now, about my location. I feel like I have a handle on who I am and on my calling. But I started this process two decades ago. And trust me, there have been a lot of highs and a lot of lows.

in that journey. It has been a bumpy and not a straight, but a bumpy ride. So some of you know that our church has evolved over the last couple of years. Now we're kind of a loose. jangly network of churches around the greater Portland area and then into Vancouver in the coming year. But a couple of years ago we were a multi-site church and at the time I was leading all of the churches. So I was responsible for three lead pastors.

and three elder teams, and we had a collective staff of, I think, 90-something people, budget of six-plus million dollars a year, all the churches together. And I started that job when I was barely 30 years old. So I'm in this job, and most people would say, oh my gosh, that's the dream. Amazing, well done. I was miserable. I was in meeting after meeting. If you know me, I am not a meeting person at all. Like, no. Unless if it's a meeting with a book and just the two of us.

Then I'm like, that's fantastic. And I was just in meeting after meeting and leader of leader of leaders and strategy and vision and this and conflict. And the job was great. The church was great. But I was. miserable. And after a couple of years of just slugging it out, I finally, and I know this is so dumb that I was slow to figure out, but I finally started to realize that what I was doing was outside of my vocation. It was outside of my God-given identity.

And it was outside of my God-given calling. I'm not called to lead a collective staff of 90-something people and leader of leader of leaders. That's not who I am. That's not what God made me for. I'm an introvert. I want to hang out with my library and read and study and think.

and pray, and dream, and visioneer, and flesh it out with my missional community in our neighborhood, like hands and feet on the ground. I want to live it. I want to practice the way of Jesus, and I want to help other people do the same. I want to learn Jesus' teachings in the New Testament. from top to bottom. And then I want to teach it. And I want to see that shape of people in this city. Like I know who I am and I know what I'm called to do. And it's not nonprofit CEO guy. That's not it.

I will not stand before God and answer for whether or not I was the leader of leader of, like, that's not it. I know who I am. I know what God's called me to do, but this at the time was so hard and so difficult and so embarrassing for me because here I was on this career path, crystal clear trajectory, and basically I was failing. That's maybe harsh language, maybe not. I was basically failing. I was miserable. I think the people around me were not all that happy either.

And so I had to, if you were here a year and a half ago, I had to demote myself and step down and just settle in a bridge town and move and all this stuff. But here I am. It's been about a year and a half now. The last year was one of the best years of my life. Highs and lows, for sure. Life is not a walk in the park, but life is good. And at this point in my life, I feel more freedom and more joy and more peace than I ever thought possible.

And I want that so badly for every single one of you. Some of you are just getting started in this journey. Me, I'm about 20 years in, right? It's crazy to even say that. Wherever you're at, some of you are way ahead of me, looking out at Doug and Terry down here, just living into your identity and calling in such beautiful ways as you mentor people all around you and other stuff. Like we're all over the map here, right?

And that's beautiful. That's healthy. We're a church. We're a family. And if you're here tonight and you really just don't have it down yet, that's okay. Don't feel bad. Don't feel out of place at all. Just a couple of thoughts before we wrap up. if that's you, a couple of words of advice. One, ask God to speak your identity and calling over you.

And then listen. Most of us don't get a Paul, you know, on the road to Damascus kind of experience. But some of us do. So ask God to speak over you. Get alone. Fast. Pray. Take a retreat. Go camping all by yourself. a room in a monastery, whatever your style is, and just listen. Remember that you have to be quiet to hear.

Secondly, I would say just ask other people to speak into your vocation. So don't, as I said earlier, don't go at this alone. Bring others into the journey. Your missional community, like don't do life alone. Do life with other people. That's how this entire church is set up. that. Bring in your mentor, your mom, your dad, if they are involved in your life, whatever it is. And third, last word, I would just say, just live. Just live.

Don't be afraid to try stuff. Don't take failure all that seriously. For that matter, don't take success all that seriously either. Just live and be patient. Keep at it. So many people jump from thing to thing or don't even start something because... Well, that would take a decade or that would take 15 years or whatever. Man, discovering and carving out and building a career around your God-given identity and calling, that takes a very long time.

So hang in there. And remember that even if you're still discovering your vocation and right now you're at a job that you hate, that you dread every day, Or you kind of have a good sense of what you feel called to do long term, but right now you're in college and you're working part time at Burgerville or whatever. Even if that's where you're at and you don't love your job, you don't love your work right now.

You're in school and you know it's necessary evil, but you're not a school kind of person. Whatever it is, remember that right now you are becoming the kind of person that one day can and will live into your dream. Or put another way, live into your vocation. who God made you to be, what God made you to do. You're learning the stuff that you will carry with you the rest of life, how to show up for work on time, have a good attitude, deal with a boss that doesn't like you, conflict.

management and resolution, dealing with excellence in your work. You're learning all of that stuff one shift at a time. So to end... I really believe that the best gift you can give to the world is to live into your vocation. And I don't mean that in a self-helpy kind of way. I mean that in a disciple of Jesus kind of way.

I think that living into your vocation is not an act of hubris. I think it is an act of humility. It's saying, I will be who God made me to be. I will do what God made me to do, whether it's cool or hip or not, whether I make a ton of money or barely any money at all. Whether it's popular or not, whether it's easy or hard, I will be who God made me to be. I will do what God made me to do. So whatever it is that you are called to, to write a symphony.

to come up with a vaccine for HIV AIDS, to teach English literature at Yale, to come up with really good vegan ice cream. To start a taco stand. Whatever it is. To sell insurance. Whatever it is that God has set out in your future. If you don't do it, not only will you rob yourself of the life God's called you to live, but you will rob the rest of us. We need you to be you.

Not so that you can get famous or have more Twitter followers or make a ton of money. Maybe you will. The odds are you won't. We need you to do your work as an act of love and service to humanity and of worship to God. Because, and I really mean this to end, one of the most powerful things that I ever see happen in the church and in the world is when I see a follower of Jesus.

Tap into his or her God-given identity and calling. Figure out this is who I am and this is what God made me to do. And then go be it and do it. That, my friends, lights the city on fire. And that's what we want to see happen. Let's pray.

I really appreciated the passage John Mark shared from Acts 9 and the insight that God's calling to Paul began with his identity as a chosen vessel. So as we wrap up the teaching today... We want to make space for God to start a conversation with us about our identity and how he sees us. So if you can, pause for a moment with me and take a few deep breaths. Bring your awareness to God's presence with you. When you're ready, just ask God, Father, who do you say that I am?

and then pay attention to what comes to mind. Often it's the first thought we have that comes from God, but keep in mind that if it's Him, it will align with God's heart, word, and sound doctrine. And if you don't hear or sense anything, that's all right. Keep returning and ask God to help you hear and understand. I'll leave 30 seconds here for you to talk with God and close with amen.

Thanks for listening. This podcast is from Practice in the Way. We develop resources to help churches and small groups apprentice in the way of Jesus. Thanks to Little Thoughts for our show music. We're a crowdfunded nonprofit, so everything we make is completely free because it's already been paid for by the Sokol, our community of monthly givers. Special thanks today goes to Jeannie from Greenwood, South Carolina. Kelsey.

from Twinsburg, Ohio, Daniel from Charlotte, North Carolina, Travis from London, Kentucky and Zachary from Salt Lake City, Utah. Thank you all very much. To join these friends in the circle or learn more about our resources, visit practiceintheway.org. Until next time, may the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God. and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.