Postcard and Orgasms - Episode 1: INTRO

Welcome to the void. This is the first episode of Postcard and Orgasms. That's the name you came up with. So this is a we're recording late. It's like almost eleven. I'm tired. I've been drinking. And she just got off work. So this podcast is basically about um Like relationships and sex stuff. And uh you know getting like a woman a woman's per sec perspective on uh certain topics that, you know, men get confused and also, you know, perspective and then women So um Sheldon and Brianne

Oh we're doing that now. Okay. All right so Shelen and Brian. Okay, so um first off, um, you know, as it's this is gonna be on YouTube first before we put on iTunes, so you know, like, uh subscribe, comment and you know all that.

Alright, so we're just gonna get right into it. Um, sex on a first date. Like, why are so many in in my younger years before I slowed down and all that shit, you know, sex on the first day was kinda like, Oh, that was like that that was the end of it. You know, you Even if the date was bad, at least you still got some. You did, she did, you both did. But nowadays it's more like a lot of people don't want to have sex on a first date. If you understand. So why do you think a lot of people?

Like sex on the first date. Like why a lot of people wanna Okay. Like I can give you an example. First off, you already know me, right? And I don't have sex on the first date. But you know that, correct? Yeah. Okay. Takes me a long Mm-hmm. That's just me, okay? For me, okay, because I've been in this situation because I do have a brother. Two reasons. A because he gets them. Which most men do. Two because he can use it against them in in the future. Blackmail, but yes he can do that.

So now every time the girls that he did The first thing out of his mouth was Well you slept with me on the first date, so I know you probably slept with him too. So he couldn't be with her because of that because she d he eventually when he caught feelings and he just thought that she was gonna sleep with everybody. Okay? So that was his perspective. Now my friend

his woman, he she slept with him on the first date and by the way I was there as well. I was there. You was there when they had sex? Well, I was there afterwards and she was really drunk and he didn't know what to do'cause it was the first time that he had met her. I you know I had to come in the room and No You leave sure that's not I'm loyal to you. No loy as a man, you just kinda well not most men. Most men would be like, Oh shit, she's done. I need to get the fuck out of here.

Anyway, that's not the point. Let's let's stay focused here. So they she Well she was He never he said it was easy to get. He did mention that. He was like, okay, well, you know, it was easy for me to get, but it didn't change his mind enough down to be with her. For me, I can't sleep with somebody on the first date because First off, then what's after that? For me. I I giving my sex away to somebody and I never see him again. A. I don't I don't do one night stands. Two I like, you know.

I just don't wanna there has to be something to to to to like be excited for. So you've never done like the uh the friends with benefit though. Is what you're saying. Where it's basically like you're horny. You're like yo come over, we're gonna fuck. No. Okay. Well you already know that because I'm I have a f I have a fear of diseases. And that's I mean the way everything is nowadays like

The disease the AIDS rapid seat is kind of high nowadays. Yes, right. But like back in the early two thousand. Friday night. You're like oh I'm bored, I've nothing to do. Yo, come over. The girl sleep with you. You sleep with her. Bye bye. Do what you gotta do. Now, the fucked up part about that is like you said with your friend is to catch feelings. That is a problem. So But I'm sure you have so you can go ahead and uh I mean it it it is a problem. Like your friend, you know they have to

Whatever. It's like maybe he thought that he can get away, you know, just smash and no. No, he never thought that. He actually. Oh you did? Mm-hmm. Well obviously they're still together. Well I mean you know some dudes kinda stay because of You know, because they have kids, whatever, but you know, that's some dudes. Most dudes kinda like, oh shit. Um that's most dudes. Most dudes ain't. There's more deadbeat fathers than fathers. There's more deadbeat mothers than mothers.

Not really. No. Anyway, we're off subject.

So yeah, so sex on the first date. Well there's nothing wrong with it if that's what you li if if if that's what you want. What advice would you give to like Say somebody you know and they were like, oh I just I met this guy on Tinder. Is that any? Yeah. Silly? Alright, so friend calls you like yo, I met this guy on Tinder, I'm gonna bang him out. He looks cute, he has like a good profile, da da da da. First off, what would you tell

gonna put on a condom, then I would say she's an adult. He's an adult, go for it. There's nothing wrong with it. If you're protected and if that's the same thing, okay. So what if she you do she does the deed and then she calls you the next day like oh I don't feel good, she's throwing up in the bathroom. Yeah. The next day that wouldn't even happen. How about I don't have a nickel?

The morning after what? What are you talking about? This when you get sick the next day, this is usually when you throw it. The next day from what? Sex is what I'm talking about. Yeah, but why would you throw up from sex? The woman usually throws up. That's how you know the the chick's pregnant. That's what I've been told. Not the next day after you you you don't have to.

The morning after what? I've never even heard of that. The morning after sex, that's why it's called the morning after, like the morning after pill. You never mentioned a pill. Now you're talking about a pill. That's why it's called the morning after. That's why

morning after pill because she throws up That's no, that doesn't make sense. You would you don't have any pregnancy symptoms at least till you're probably six weeks pregnant. There there's yeah, you don't have any'cause you don't the the sperm doesn't meet the egg. It takes anywhere from Two to seven days to even fertilize. So why is it when the morning after pill is just so the egg doesn't fertilize? That's all it is. That's it. So if she doesn't take the pill the morning.

You have seven days to for sperm to fertilize an egg inside of the the the cervix. Nobody gets pregnant the second they have sex. It takes some days afterwards. You don't have any pregnancy symptoms. The the sperm has met the egg. So if you were to reword that and say two weeks later she feels like she's sick and she thinks she's pregnant, then I mean there's nothing we all know what options you have once you're pregnant.

Push down a flight of stairs. But that's not that's not the point. The point is if you want to it. So why do you think women look down to other women for having like sex on the first date? It depends on what certain women'cause like with guys is like You know, you just meant this girl. Special first night, bum boom boom. It depends on it. With women it's like you can tell your girlfriend, like, yo, I mean this dude have sex on that the first night and then sh your

On that woman and everything that she's been through. If that same woman has sex with, I don't know, 40 men. the first time that she s uh dates them, then then that's when we start to judge. But if it just happen

You never to me I don't like to give men room to say anything about me. Like anything. So if we in a relationship. I'm just because I'm going to the nightclub or I'm going out or I'm hanging with friends, I'm gonna be having sex with everybody. And then it's a better canvas for trusting somebody. Cause nine times out of ten, dudes think how they had a woman, then she can Another man could have her like that. So men are funny. They think

Well then maybe he g he's gonna fuck her the first date. They think like that. Y'all think like that. I mean it's it's true. It's like exactly Well like me and we were talking about in the first podcast it was like Okay, so like a guy Okay, let's let's word this differently. So like You got with your girl. Your girl has a fat ass or big tits or whatever. You go out in public with her. Dudes will get mad at another guy for looking at the girl because of you know the big ass, big tissue, whatever.

We were talking about it. Why would you as a man? 'Cause'cause basically if this girl wasn't your girl, you're gonna look Same thing. Why would they get mad if a if same you ca what if you're not gonna be a little bit No what I'm saying, listen. What if it was your daughter who had a fat ass and big tits? You would get mad at a man for looking at your daughter? No, it's don't even say it.

So it's let me tell you what it is. No be quiet. This is very serious. It's a respect issue. We know she got a fat ass and big tits. Because that's why he's fucking her, right? That's why it's one of the reasons why it's his girl. It's a respect issue. That's it's just simple as respect. You know what I mean? It's like the same thing. Your homeboy shouldn't bang out your girlfriend. It's just a respect.

Your girlfriend, but you dang sure shouldn't bang her out. You should just respect yourself. That's the code. Now you glancing at a girl. glancing but if a man sits there and is gawking at your girl and damn near drooling and thirsty as hell that's disrespectful so there's different levels. If he just glances he's gonna notice everybody notices a fat ass okay he's gonna notice but if he takes it to another level and just and's is trying to um Like I was at the gas station with my friend

gawking at me and staring at me. Derek almost went to Almost almost got in a fight, but he didn't cause he's very intelligent. So all he just said, if he just looked at you, it would have been one thing. But he was trying to holler at me, like get my attention. Hey shoddy, hey shoddy, and I'm talking to Derek. He didn't know if Derek was my guy or not. That's disrespectful. You you get shot for doing that. That's the difference.

'cause they get it. But if they keep, you know, instigating and gawking and drooling and slick trying to'cause men will do that. You'll be at a restaurant with your dude and then Yeah. And be there's a the person behind your dude just winking at you, asking for your number. And the whole time your dude's just sitting here to having a conversation with you, eating a steak. But he don't even know there's a dude behind him trying to holler at you. It's disrespectful. That's why.

There's boundaries for that. You try to talk to a girl and instead of like you know, talking to her, you kinda like pull her arm closer to you. Talk you don't know if she has a dude, like you said, like you don't know if she has a dude or I mean you don't know. I mean that's some men have are aggressive when it comes to trying to holler, some are not.

Some I mean I've been around the block where I've seen some dudes trying to talk to girls where it's like full on like you will they will literally drag this chick like three feet Just to talk. For and for her just basically say no. I mean y y I mean you're not gonna knock him negative for trying. I mean he he's trying to and they have confidence and they get the job done. They get the job done. They do. What is the job they get done?

Well they feel uh they'll feel secure with those men that they're you know safe and secure and all Good stuff.

And so they they tend to go for more aggressive men. Wow, this actually goes into the segue to the next question. For the So why do you think more women are attracted to life? Literally assholes. Because like you know, nice guys they're not gonna be. Trying to do it. The work to do nine to five to bring home the money to give her well like half the money or whatever. A dude that would like more women attracted the guy who basically like not not more, like some women are. Okay.

Good girls like bad guys. Good girls like bad guys. But why do they like bad guys? It's That's the question I'm asking. No, it's very simple. Because women are very maternal, right? We are nurturing and we're We get bored and we always think eventually that we can change somebody and it's a very it's a challenge to be up front is a it's a fucking challenge, okay? If we can change the channel, we're gonna

Then we're attracted to that. We like that. The good guy We get bored, just like when when a man men yell try to holler at a girl, holler You call on her, you're doing things for her. But as soon as you know, not But as soon as you know that she has fallen for you, oh shit. There's no more Texas. There's no more calls. Yeah, because like then then you'd be like instead of be like uh babe where you at? I thought we had I thought we had plans tonight. We do.

Um, be here at eight o'clock. He's there at seven forty-five. Oh, but when you feel like he likes you, when where he feels like you like him and you've given him all the ass? 7:45. He may not even show up. Matter of fact, you may get stood up. No text, no call. You're lucky if you get a text back, and then on the Then he wanna know why you callin him so much, why you texting him so much?

Now he's turned off. Now he don't answer the phone. Now he block your block your he send you the voicemail. Now all of a sudden you used to see him five days a week. Now you only see him four days a week. Then you see him three days a week. Then you see him two days a week. Now you finding out he dealing with Susie.

Okay. So I'm just saying so it's it's it's kind of like it's it's kinda like that. Okay. So women, it's the same situation. The that we don't have to try with the good guys, they just there and they do anything.

So we already know we have them. So the bad guys we're still trying to get, and they only give us like a very short stick. And then we think we have them, then we don't. We think we have them, we don't, we think we have them. So it's just this whole So it's like a project. It's it's it's it's

It's a project we feel like we can tackle, but we can't. We can't, because he's a whore and he's banging everybody. He's banging Becky with the good hair. He's banging banging Keisha. He's banging everybody. Okay? might be begging your sister and your mama. I don't know. But that's how bad the bad guy is. Right to the mama. Is what I'm saying. So that's why we're a and they're fun. Let's be real. Bad guys are fun.

The dates are fun. The sex is usually extra fun. You know, they're not boring. But that's not the bad guy'cause women want like security. They ain't shit. That's all women want is security. They don't I mean security that's it. So I had my grandma told me Well actually she told my my uncle. She said if the song C came out what's it called? Kanye West. Which one? Talking about Gold Digger. Yeah. Okay.

She told my uncle you shouldn't even want a woman that wants you if you broke. And I was like, damn grandma, that's messed up. What do you mean? What happened to love and and struggling? Coming up together, you know, we were here was like no screw that she was like you should not want a woman who wants you if you broke and you have nothing to offer because something wrong with her all women want is security that's it sometimes it comes in money sometimes

And he don't even have any money. Like a lot of money. He can't be dead ass broke. But you know, he just whatever and and so to some women as long as Seriously. All women want is security. That's why women feel better We like security, that's it. And bad boys don't provide that, but we think they eventually can. It's like we're hunting. And there are prey. But in it's actually reversed. We're the prey and they're hunting. Mm. Yeah, that's right.

Okay. Well, I'm serious. I mean I'm a man. I don't I don't know. I'm not a bad boy, so I but it's but just like bad girls. I mean some men really like good girls, but I'm talking about the hunt. You you're interested in to it's a thrill of the chase. Like once you once you get her, then it's like oh

Now what do I do? So I guess that's why like the phone calls stop and all the dates and shit stop because that's why marriages fail and people get divorced. But this should all also maybe tell y'all man Wow, wait what? This this this The girl who even after you're you're done or you're chasing her and you finally get her and you know you get her, if you still want to be with her and feel like you want to do those things like you were in the beginning when you were chasing.

That might be the one. Maybe I should marry that person. Because when you feel like once you got her and now you don't want to deal with her no more, it was just a game. be that one that you continue to do those things for as if you just met her. I don't know, maybe that's how y'all tell if she's the one or I don't have a penis, I have a vagina. Okay. Um Got one more? I did two, you gotta do one.

I say we talk about giving head'cause that's just the great thing. Okay. What? So I gotta put a parental advisory on it. I have to edit this shit so it puts out tomorrow? That's the schedule? I don't remember the schedule I put on this thing. Alright, so You go go ahead talk about sucking dick eating out whatever Which I do enjoy both. Mm I think every man I gotta edit this shit. I think every relationship

What if you're like you're a guy and you're not into fellacio? Or you're or if you're a woman and you're not into fellacio. That's fine. Like what do you think? No they're not. Anyway, but you're think that. They're not hitting me up. I'm Bran. Okay. It doesn't mat it's on the channel. So they're also hitting us up. Anyway, so I can teach them. It's alright. Everybody should do it. Anyway. It's fine if there's there's a lot of men that don't enjoy it. Um and then you'll hear somebody

That's not true. Some people just really don't like it and that's fine. I'm not really talking about those weirdos. I'm talking about the people that do like it. Um They should really incorporate it into their Daily routine. Like what would you tell a woman that doesn't do

She's never like put a penis in her mouth. She never said that. Okay, well then that that that they don't really count. No, no, you but like I'm saying like I mean I would just tell her to try it. But what but if she said like she doesn't know how to approach it? Like she doesn't know how to to to do it. Well then I would show her how to do it because I like I said I used to teach classes.

Like how would you no I'm asking like how would you show her? I mean I c like would you get like like how they did back in like like middle school, like you get a banana. No, I I I usually get a banana um if they have a curve. Um, or a cucumber.'Cause it's different if they have a curve or if they don't. So um you have to have a cucumber and a banana.

I show her only like f like five uh yeah. It's only once, there's no other one. Well no, a cucumber a cucumber banana. I'm just letting you know. And then you um And that's how I that's how I taught my class. What? So weird. Why is it weird? Yeah, it's just weird. It's very healthy for you. It's healthy for both parties.

I have no problem with eating pussy. I ain't got no problem with that. Okay. I mean I mean there's like there's some women that don't know how to do it and there's some dudes who don't know how to do it. Like most Don't know how to do it, that's true. Okay, okay. But most dudes they they learn that shit from like watching porn. It's like you it's kind of hard to learn from watching porn.

It's not because it's porn. You kinda like you watch it and you're like, Oh that's what the dude that's what you're supposed to do. I mean you can but you c every woman is different That is true. Every woman is different. Yeah, so you have to The same shit you use on one guy is not gonna be the same shit you use on the other. You have to learn your partner. And some some men like you know, I have some women like or men like hands. Some women don't like

Some women some men like two hands at a time motion. Some men only like one hand and the mouth. Two hands in a mouth, one hand in a mouth, or just a mouth. And then some, you know, like a good tip for women is If you gag on it, it causes your um it causes extra saliva. It no it's a fact. It's it's like a medical fact. I don't g I don't get it.

gag a little bit and if they don't want to make the sound, if they feel like the sound is disgusting, they could just, you know, you know, quietly gag and then it'll quietly gag. Oh it'll produce more saliva. So what's your whole deal on that? And and it'll be a better experience. I mean, depending if he likes it really juicy. I mean I'm I don't know how you can give a dry tick suck, but I'm everybody's different. I'm sure you can

Also wondering how you would even do that. How would you some some how would you even dry?'Cause it's like Well, I mean obviously you wouldn't be dry, dry, but it it uh it may not be Wait, wait. Yeah, exactly. So what's your whole deal on And then you if you if you're swallowing your saliva while you're doing it then that would be a problem. So yeah, it just depends. That's why you have to communicate and figure out what what one another likes. Experiment is

It's the key. You have to figure out your your partner's wants, needs and desires and how they want their dick suck or her pussy aid or Or other pussy ain't I don't know Okay, yeah. So but it's um There's a lot of tips. Um, and it's very healthy. But that we can get into that. I I can give you all the um

know about the men but for the women I know there's a lot. I mean I don't know you you don't I don't know if y'all get health benefit from us but semen has a lot of nutrients in it. Yeah but if we get rid of it. And it's really good for your skin. You see that's where Yeah. Don't do that. That's a lie. It's 2000. Do you know it's 2018? Most people these freak bitches out here. Are you serious? These free hoes don't even want us to.

Unless you got money. No, I'm talking up well then they don't really love doing it. They do it for I'm talking about I'm just I don't know if if it's if they know how good it's it's anti-aging. Like you could really put it in a bottle and sell it if that was legal. Like people buy moisturizer new.

technique and all these expensive moy if you just do that alone every day, you'll never have to worry about wrinkles. Tell'em that. They out here spending money on uh facials and microdoom abrasions, a hundred and ten dollars a pop. I mean do you want to be a little bit more than a Rub it on rub it on your face? Oh, you'll be f forty looking thirty. It's a secret.

It's I mean it's it's weird'cause it was not weird. But I'm very serious. I mean I know you're serious. Okay, just so you know. I I I'm I'm living that life. It's just weird because like when you tell You could be you could be a dude listening to this right. And then you tell your girlfriend. You don't tell you don't tell her that. That's what that's right. Oh you like you tell her to listen to this. Okay. And then she'll like she'll probably sit there

Well this bitch crazy as fuck. She knows what the fuck she's talking about. I'm not putting that shit on my face. Okay, no, no, no, no. She's not gonna if she really, you know, researches if she first off she loves her man, she wants to please her man, and if she wants to look at herself, it's easy. It's you know, it's like if she drinks a smoothie in the morning, she can replace it with a smoothie in the morning. Everybody's happy. If he goes Well, whatever, it's still healthy what I'm saying.

She could slap it on her face, rub it around, leave it on like a mask. It'll dry up. It'll dry up. It'll it'll it kinda gets like a mask, a little Hard. Like I don't want to say the word crusty because uh who likes that word. But it dries up, makes your skin really tight, and then you just go in the shower and you wash it off. And oh my goodness, your skin is so smooth. I'm telling you. It's wonderful. This is gonna be so weird.

It's just so weird. You don't I mean I've lived a li I'm liv I'm lived the life of uh what I'm what you're talking about. No, no. I'm talking about I'm living it as a as a female. I'm giving benefits as it's for women to do. And then the the guy is usually happier. Your man will be happier, I'm telling you.

Like depending on what you like and what you like, if you want him to cook, if you want him to help out with the kids more, if you want him to I don't know, maybe you want more heels or whatever, he will be glad to give it to you. He will be happier. You know what I mean? He'll be more willing to do things that you wouldn't be he wouldn't have been willing to do before. Your face will be clear, okay?

smooth and then if you don't want to put it on your face and you want to swallow it you get nutrients there and which you guys don't know Did you know that if you put it inside of you, like if it comes inside of you, like it helps with depression? Seriously. It helps the serotonin cross over to the other part of your brain.

like mood swings, all types of I mean if you Google it, I'm not lying. I can actually Google it and get give you the exact facts maybe next time, but there's so many benefits of it. Y'all should just, you know, just do it. This bitch just sucks some dick. It's basically what she said. I'm not just saying do that. Yeah, it's basically what you said. I'm saying do

Stuff with the seamen. Don't well who else are gonna get it. Don't whatever you do. It's it's let me tell you this. Let me tell you this. It's fucking disrespectful to spit it. Ya bit just need to stop spitting it out. Okay. Hello, ladies. It's disrespectful. Absolutely disrespectful. It's a lot of work to get absolutely nothing out of it. Okay, it's disrespectful. Stop that's what I'm saying. If you don't wanna swallow it, rub it on your face.

Face, but don't spit it out. That's disrespectful. It hurts as a man. It's like, oh my gosh, you spitting my shit out. What the fuck? I don't even think it hurts as a man. It's disrespectful. It's li it's it's life force by the way. It's life force. It gives you life. I did a lot of work and she's gonna spit it out of the trash can. That bit. No, uh it's m it's you know, I'm just saying you get health benefits from it and it's it's disrespectful, so just stop doing it.

Alright. Okay. Okay, so this is the end of episode one of Post Guard Orgasm with Sheldon and uh Brianne. So yeah, check out next week. Maybe Then more semen. I don't know. Next week. Um, so yeah, like, share. Also, do not listen to this podcast at work.

Might get fired. If you were well what if you work in a barbershop? If you work in a barbershop then you know Or are they working on cars? I mean if you work I mean these are these are life facts. Like people need to know this. Y'all men need to know this, women need to know this. Just what he's trying to say is don't listen to this this podcast run children.

Oh be the god you don't listen to silver chill. With the name pulled. You you you they well we should have said that in the beginning. I mean I did say that in the beginning. Okay. Okay, well then they know they're adults, man. Bye. Have a nice night. Ladies. Try that Semen Facial Mask. Men, enjoy it. Bye.