So I don't feel like understanding that LUV is gonna work. And when you use my acronym, okay, you just see you said it is you, Oh LUV. I don't see that. We're gonna we're gonna play that. We're gonna play it back for you. We can play it back so you can hear the tone with what you said. I was kind enough to come and see this is why it don't work. This right here, it's why it don't work.
What's up, everybody? I'm Gammy and this is positively gam Every week I try to have raw and in depth conversation with inspirational people pushing for change on everything from aging, relationships, politics, wellness, to the current issues facing the black community. And in the episode we're going to be discussing living your overall life with compassion and joining me on the podcast today to help break this all down is someone who doesn't need an introduction. My son in law, Will Smith, thank
you well for joining me today. I'm so excited to have you. I wanted to have you on to talk about this really because once again, our conversations always start out in the kitchen. There something about the kitchen that just gets us going. And I want to just mention too that, particularly yesterday, I walked into the kitchen and you were having a conversation with Willow and she was very emotional. But what I love about you guys, is that Willow and all of your children they Kitnessie. I'm
getting tearry because I need to. I'm not crying though, but my eyes are just warring. I have allergies. They can your kids can come to either one of you. There is a freedom and an honesty and a safety that they feel able to come to you or come to Jada with whatever is going on with them. And I never had that. Jada never had that. And the fact that you are able to to share that open communication with your with all of your children is so important. Yeah,
it was wanted. The the things that Jada and I agreed on really early in parenting is that we wanted our kids to be free thinkers, and we wanted them to be i'd open, to be comfortable being who they are. And as a part of that, what we adopted was a no punishment rule any time they tell the truth. And we established with them very early and we had the circle of safety where the circle of safety and
in the circle of safety. The rule was, you can say absolutely anything you've done, anything you've said, anything that's happened. You can tell us anything in the circle of safety, and when you say it in the circle of safety, you're exempt from punishment. Right if, however, you call a circle of safety and there's a circle of safety, and you withhold the truth in the circle of safety and we find out later, then now you're able to be punished.
And that rule was really powerful for the kids young. They just got used to sharing their truth, saying what is what was true, and what was deeply going on inside, and we cultivated that at four years old. Five years old, and I had to hear some things that I didn't want to hear, and Willow tapped me out of a couple of circumcisions like, yeah, you know, I think you
should just only do that. But the having contact with someone's truth and creating a space where someone can share the depth of their ugly truth is the only way you can really have a relationship. Nobody's perfect. We are all struggling, we are all having a hard time, we are all a mess. Understanding is the basis for love. Okay, So let's get right to that then understanding and living
life with compassion. I feel like I certainly understand being able to put that into practice with someone that that I love and care about. I haven't done it all the time. And actually that's really been an area that I realized that I haven't been living my life compassionately showing compassion to ones that I love. I don't know if I want to start out talking about living compassionately showing compassion to ones you love or with ones that
you may be in conflict with the basic concept. And when we had this conversation a couple of months ago in the kitchen, Yeah, that's where we're all our family discussions kick off in that kitchen. So it was just after quarantine had begun and the George Floyd's situation. Yes, and when the George what situation happened? I had a strange and powerful life changing reaction to that. I looked at it and I felt I was going to be called. I felt like I was gonna have to lend my
voice to the situation, to the struggle. And I remember it was you, Willow and Jada in the kitchen, and I was like, okay, I said, guys, I know, you know how I'm gonna help and how I'm going to be a part of creating harmony between people and these difficult situations. And what we were talking about the idea of love love is l u V Listen, Understand what the other person is saying and validate the parts of it that you know are true. Listen, understand, validate, Right?
Can you understand what the other person is saying? Not even agreements. I'm not thinking about agree And you don't have to agree, You just have to listen. You have to just understand what they're saying. You don't have to think it's true for you. I think that's the problem because you almost feel like understanding is agreeing, right, Yes, absolutely, it's really not. You just want to understand. And in terms of that, we started with talking about the kids.
How can I parent if I don't have an intimate comprehension of what's going on with you, If I don't know all of the things that you're thinking and all of the things that you're feeling. Putting aside that I'm scared that you have a friend that's doing drugs and you're interested in you want to try it, right, I'll tell you how my parents did and how I did that was there's no real consideration with who the child
is and what they're going through. That was what happened with me, and I'm pretty sure that's how I parented Jada. I'm listening. I'm so sometimes I'm just in awe of her that she survived me. I really really, she's surviving and thriving. Okay, but anyway, go ahead, we digress. But the concept, if you think about it, even in terms of lawyers and her, Barack Obama say one time, and it was such a brilliant idea, and he was saying, if someone's defense attorney, you don't need to prepare a defense,
You prepare the prosecution. You figure out intimately what the prosecution is going to say, and then you prepare your defense based on that concept. And I kept seeing this idea over and over about understanding being the predecessor of harmony, understand ending being the predecessor of love. So for me as an actor, it's an easy thing. I get used to learning how to put aside what I think to
understand a character. Right. So it's a simple thing. I get a script and the character is the most vile despicable, human, imaginable. But I released my judgment of that because as an actor, I just want to understand what makes them tick. And it's a skill set that I firmly believe is the single most valuable human interactive skill set. Can you put aside what you think and you feel long enough to understand what the other person? That really is a challenge.
I feel like that's easier said than done. That's really hard to do, and then put emotion on top of it. Absolutely, Jada is the one person on earth that I've been most successful with being able to navigate difficult, painful situations strictly trying to understand what she thinks and feels. Is there a process that you go through the love theory that the love theory, listen, understand, and then validate the parts of it that you think are true. So talk to me about the V part, the V part. So
the idea of black lives matter? Okay, So from my point of view, black lives matter is really freaking simple. So you'd say, what the hell is the conflict with Black Lives matter? Is the discussion? What is the debate? What's the offense? And I found myself in that place, and then I said, okay, pause, now let me use my own series. And I had an associate on the set that was a serious uh trumper, and that just puts puts my hair up. So I was saying to myself, Okay, here,
I need to practice what I'm trying to preach. So I wanted to listen because that can even feel impossible. And so I said, so, what's so offensive to you about the idea that black lives matter? Right? He said, everybody knows that black lives matter. Okay. Now I'm like, I'm all right, Like I can't get best the like because you want to say, we wouldn't have to say it if every everybody knew. But I was like, no,
that's not a part of my theory. I have to listen, and I have to listen, and I have to understand what's going on, and then I have to validate the parts of it that are true. So I said, so, what you're saying is there's some insult. It's like someone saying something to you that you already know. So you find insult because in order for someone to say to you that black lives matter, there's the assumption that you think they don't, and he said, yeah, absolutely said, why
are you saying it to me? Why are you looking at me when you say black lives matter? Okay, So I'm trying to and I'm razing, and I'm i'm and I'm like, okay, But what we ultimately guys see look at you, folding your arms everything you already But that's what I realized. What became the problem is we actually don't want to understand in each other. We don't give a damn about understanding each other. We want you gotta
understand me. And one of the laws of the seven habits of highly effective people is seek first to understand before seeking to be understood. And as a principle, it's such a valuable principle. But when that emotion riles up, it's such a difficult thing to rustle down. But what I did is I rustled down with this guy and I said, okay. And what we got to is he felt insulted when someone said it to him. He didn't disagree with the idea overall, but he felt attacked by
people directing it at him. Why are you saying it to me? Like? Why are you in it up in front of my house? And within it. He felt that he was being called racist by the phrase being directed at him, and I could relate to that. I didn't necessarily agree. There was a certain amount of false perception that he was living with. He just didn't have the experiences that I had. He didn't grow up the way that I grew up. He didn't have the relationship with
police that I had. He actually had the opposite reaction. How could he possibly know what was going on with me? But in the process, what I found is when he saw that I wasn't going to attack him, When he saw that, I legitimately wanted to understand. After he felt validated, I listened, I understood what he was saying. I repeated back to him what I heard that was the validation. That was the validation. I repeated that is, I get that.
I understand how you, not being racist can feel attacked and assaulted by someone painting you with the blanket brush of racism without even knowing you're just white, so you're racist. In the story, in his mind, he wasn't a Trumpster because he was racist. He didn't think of himself as a racist. The fact that I thought of him as a racist was offensive to him, So I was like, you know what, I get that. I can see how my assumption that that flag and your political affiliation, I
get how that could be offensive. That I am assuming that you're a certain kind of person. I get that. I understand that it's not my intention to paint you with that brush without actually knowing who you are. I can see how that could be offensive. But what happened is we got to that point. Then he was open to hear some of my experiences without me listening, understanding what he was saying, validating the parts of it that I believe are true. He would have never even been
open to hear my experience. So the process of understanding, the process of listening, understanding, and validating is how you open people to hear your side of the story. But what was his response when you shared your experience? Did you feel like he had the same understanding the way you understood him. Do you think that he in turn was able to listen and understand your I felt like he he heard me clearly. I felt like he believed me, but he didn't have the emotional experience, like he didn't
experience that. But we had created an environment where we didn't argue and fight and ultimately separate in a disharmonious position. We were able to go back to work in a way that at a minimum, we were both opened up to the possibility of deeper understanding, which to me, evolving our understanding and evolving our perceptions, evolving our consciousness is all we're trying to do, and it's really difficult to
do that by punching people in the phase. Yeah, I get that, and listen, I know how to fight, right, so if it if it go down, I like my chances against most people. I just learned that you really can't create peace with Hey, you like, you can't create peace with violence. And as as difficult as it is to open up our hearts and try to find the humanity in the other person, that person is suffering. That person is struggling in the same ways that you are.
That person as family members that are dying, that person has all of the same stuff you're going through. You gotta admit, though, that when we are in the atmosphere that is running rampant through the nation right now, that it's extremely difficult, extremely difficult to have to try to stop and have understanding. Yes, it was extremely difficult. Absolutely, I personally don't see another option. The other option is
a deterioration into full civil war, full race war. We're on the cusp of a room and in our country, and I I'm trying to not make it political. I wanted it because to me, this is not a political situation as much as it's a spiritual and emotional situation. I love the phrase hate the sin, not the center.
It's the power of non violent resistance. That's what the power is of non violent resistance, right That's what's the beauty of what we've been seeing in the majority of non violent protest as the non violent part of it is what leaves the opening as soon as it deteriorates into violence and everybody gets scared. Now there's people are you either fight or you separate. But we've seen this
for years and over and over again. We've seen how the non violent protesters get then get attacked with violence. And so I understand the concept, and I understand the need for it. It just seems so unattainable right now. So for me, as far as being unattainable, I realized that I have to do my part. One of the first things I started doing is going through my own life, because I was like, I can't be a hypocrite going
out in the street talking about this. And then I had a situation where I hadn't spoken to Janet Hubert
in twenty seven years. So for me, that was one of the first things in cleansing my heart, looking at my life and where I had personal intimate situations where I wasn't practicing loving kindness, and that was one of the things, the first things that when I went and sat down with Janet Hubert, and it was so beautiful and it was so cleansing, and one of the first things I said to her was, I don't know your story. I was living a completely different story when we were
arguing and fighting. And I opened it with, please tell me your story. Please tell me what you were experiencing. And that was the listening. That was the listening part. And then as she talked, then I understood the pain and I understood the suffering and even the parts of it that I had caused unconsciously. And then I've validated the that you know what I can see where that was excruciating and I'm sorry to have been a part of that kind of pain in your life. That's not
my intention. It's not who I need, not who I want to be, and that's not the kind of person that I'm trying to be in this world. I know that I actually talked to you about this and another kit conversation that, interestingly enough, keeps leading us back to or keeps leading me back to um trying to live my life more compassionately. I had a horrible situation that happened with myself and someone who I care for deeply, and I said some really hurtful things to that person.
Now I'm in the position that I potentially have done irreparable damage to this relationship. But what it always brings me back to is me. Absolutely, it always brings me back to me because the one I'm the only person that I can change, and I'm the one who needs to be to want to change. I'm the one that I have to concentrate on and just trying to figure out how do I live life in a compassionate way.
I had some deep conversation with Jada and then I did I watch you guys, and I see what you guys do, and I did the same thing because Jada does it too. She'll cut herself off and be with herself and get into study and listening and reading. And I did that. I came home that weekend and I just started getting into some spiritual work, some meditation, which is very difficult for me, meditation very difficult, but really listening to some spiritual guides and and I realized was
that I number one and not living mindfully. There's so much going on in my life all this My phone is in my hand all the time, like I'm not even paying attention to what is going on around me, how people are feeling, what people are going through. I'm just running my mouth. It's just coming out of my mouth that I'm not even paying attention to the circumstances, what the person may be going through. I'm all up in my head with my judgments and the way I think.
So that's the same thing when we talk about attack and defense. Right when you're out, it's all outflow. Everything is outflow. Everything is about what you want, and everything is about satiating and gratifying your needs. So that, in a sense, is a gentle form of the concept of attack and defen I want X, so I'm gonna go get it. And if you're in the way, you are an obstacle, and if you're doing something, then I'm gonna defend myself against you trying to prevent me from having
what I want. So the what I'm advocating for in that process of pausing for a minute is to just pay attention. Yeah, I think that's what I'm missing a lot of times. Can you just be still for a minute, as simple as think before you speak. It's not that before you speak. I want to go back to something you said that relationship being irreparable. I used to believe that. I no longer believe that any relationship is irreparable. As long as both people are still alive, I don't believe
that the relationship is irreparable. I believe that people are craving loving kindness so bad, people are starving so hard for just gentle care right that when properly applied to even the most degraded minds, I believe that loving kindness has a magical effect when you are authentically have a deep concern for someone's well being, if you can create the environment that's common enough for that to get communicated, I don't there's very few minds that can resist pure,
genuine care and concern for their well being, right, But in understanding that, I too recognize that I decided that I could not make that my focus. I couldn't make repairing the relationship the focus. It's not really about because unfortunately she was in the path of my chaos, and it's I'm unfortunate that she got hurt as a result. But what it did do was, like I said, put
the focus on me. So I feel like I have to do the work on me, and then when I do come back into her life, I will come back differently. But I think initially I was just worried about Oh, I don't want her to feel like I'm just being phony, that I'm not being real, that I'm not being honest with my with my intent, And so I had to put all of that aside and just continue to do the work that I need to do on myself and just pray that when the time is right, the relationship
will heal. Over time, when we heal ourselves all of our relationships. Hell, yeah, that makes sense to me, So we cleansing our own internal poisons, I think is a big part of being able to create harmonious relationships. And as I look at the world, right now, and this there's such a major fight for correcting systems, and we're fighting so hard to correct systems, and I'm like, the problems in the hearts and minds of Americans, I know that's that's we don't we can't wait for that. We
absolutely can't wait for that. We have to be able to change the systems that are in place right now. It's like with the concept of interacting with police officers. And I did a ride along with l A. P D. And I sat in the back of a police car and I ducked down and I wrote around in a police car and self Los Angeles for six hours. And the problems are beyond anything that most of us could
even imagine. The the level of psychological and mental abuse on both sides renders the situations deeply volatile and almost unworkable without a new skill set. Like there is an educational process. There is a massive change that needs to needs to occur, But a big part of the change is in the hearts and the mind of people. And which do you think is going to be easier. We're talking about the evolution of human beings right and where
it comes. I'm just saying, when it really came back to from me when I looked at at the situation and when I finally realized I just had to do my part, and all I could do is I had to create a situation in my home. I had to solve all of the issues in my home, and I had to build myself and I had to become Oh, it was a great thing we were talking about with the I think we talked about it before with the Buddha.
Was was was he said, Um, great, people have to wake up every day and empty the ocean with a ladle, right, and speaking of the ocean of misery that people are experiencing, and you just wake up every day and you take your little ladle out to the ocean and you just try to scoop as much misery out as you possibly can.
And that one really hit me because that's what it feels like sometimes and just in your own household, like, yeah, well, when you look out into the world and I want to be a light, I want to be a positive force for goodness and love, and I want to be a part of the solution. But sometimes it can be painful and overwhelming. I think sometimes I don't give myself any credit when I just even look back on my relationship with Rodney. Rodney is my husband to the audience.
We have done some real work. Relationships take work, and you have take the decision about whether it's worth it for you or not. And and when you're talking about being able to listen and understand the other person's point of view, Rodney is probably better at it, but I am getting better with that, and I think that is the basis of why our relationship works so well, because he does listen and he does try to understand, and I'm trying to do the same. It's got to be
a given take in that. Once again, we come back to you are the only person that you can change. Gandhi, be the change you want to see. Ye be the change you want to see. Ye do unto others as you would have them do until it's not really more complicated than it really isn't All the spiritual practices basically are saying the same thing, read that stuff all day long. If you're not going to truly try to incorporate them in your life and live differently, then the results are
going to be the same. And it is extremely difficult because it's not the ideas that are in the foundations of our everyday interactions that we are actually functioning. And at the core of the establishment of of our country was the concept of attacking defense, you know, and what we're what we're really trying to do, and this time and this next generation that there's an evolution, there's there's an evolution in consciousness and perception that's trying to happen
right now. And when I look at these times, as difficult as they are, and as dark as they feel, and as dangerous as they are, what's really happening is the problems are coming to the surface in a way that we can deal with them. So as much as it feels backwards and as scary as the times are, this is the pain of us having to cleanse our country. And it's gonna be a huge Yeah, it's a huge opportunity if we take advantage of it. Yes, And that's the part that I feel that I'm called to be
a part of the solution for Black America. We've never been here before. The entire world has acknowledged our plight. And even as going back to the listen, understand, validate, we couldn't even get people to listen for for hundreds and hundreds of years listening, and they're understanding, and they're validating it as true, and we're in a new place. Yeah, it's an absolute necessity to sustain, to maintain and to elevate the new position that we are in the world.
African Americans traveled the world for years trying to get support for the plight of African American citizens, and now, for the first time in history, the world has acknowledged protests in Japan, in Italy and France. We are in a position of opportunity that we've never been in before in this country. And the question is will we make the shift in consciousness that solidifies the position? And I
just I want to be a part of that. I believe, really firmly that a deeper, intimate comprehension of our fellow citizens is and will be at the center of being able to capitalize and grow the new perception that we're seen in globally. Okay, moving on to our segment, wouldn't you like to know where you answer three rapid fire questions with the first phrase that comes to your mind. My first question to you is what book are you reading right now? I'm usually reading two or three at
one time. So there's I just discovered. Uh it's called Spiritual Warriors two by a guy named Buckty here at the Swami and it's he's talking about transitioning from lust to love, and it's not specifically less. He's talking about lust for in the broadest term, lust for money, lust for fame, lust for sex, and how you transition from lust to love. And his theory is that all of the situations that you come in contact with in the
world is the school of love. So everything that you're presented with is your opportunity to practice learning how to be loving and kind in that situation. So it's really it's it's called Spiritual Warriors two. Okay, cool, alright, what's a model that you live by? It's funny, that's so interesting. So in the last few years, I have shifted my motto I used to live by during my rise as
an actor. I used to live by is the same as zero and I have yes, and I've I've realized the gentle insanity of that, you know, I grow that that was my father was military and all that, and I lived by that for a long time and I saw the scorched earth I left in my personal life with that one. And the new motto really similar to what we've been talking about. The new motto that I'm trying to live by is everybody is suffering, so help them. Wow. And it's so simple and but let me ask you
do you feel like? And see I'm getting based on a whole new converence. Whenever I'm talking to you, always leave the back end of my day open for two reasons. One we might keep talking to the second reason, you might piss me off so bad. I just need some time by myself. Never forgot my questions. Oh yeah, if you're spending so much, if that's your model, are you taking away from your from focus on yourself by focusing so much on other people? Trying to help other people
so much that you're distracted from your own work. So I've been I've been working a lot with Ja Shetty for the past a few months. I've been studying the guitar and Hinduism, and the basic idea is the first half of your day is for you and the second half of your day is for others. I've been really working too structure my days. I've been waking up really early so I can have time. For me, I'm usually up early anyway, but usually from I'm awake from four
am to six am, and that's my me time. And then when I go out into the world, I try to apply my motto and it's with my family, and it's with my friends, and it's with my work associates, and it's you have to be as close to half as you possibly can. Half your waking hours or for you,
half your waking hours are for others. Yeah, And something that I have to say that I've noticed, I don't know how long it's been, maybe the past a couple of months, maybe since COVID hit, I don't know, but you seem to be very in tune to people's energy. How they enter a room, may be the expression on their face. And I find that very intuitive because but that's also part of being able to being mindful, just being attuned and in tune with what's going on with
everybody around you. And for me, it was probably eight years ago, was when I got to the point where I had everything that I had ever set out to have in the material world. I've built everything that I want. I've been to the top of the mountain of the material world. I've made as much money as I wanted to make, had as much sex as I wanted to have, I've had as much fame I've done. I have exhausted the material world, and it still didn't leave me happy.
And I just was starting to be deeply unfulfilled by stuff. That's really important that you say that, because people believe that money is the key to everything, and it's not. Yeah, it's there's there's no external material circumstance that can quench that thirst you're trying to quench on the inside. And right now is the most happy and fulfilled that I've ever been in my life. And a big part of that for me is the recognition that I am a
servant m hm. So you walk in the room in the morning, and it's my divine job to make sure you're okay, and I'm going to help in whatever way that I can possibly help. And some things I may not be blessed with what it is that you need. Then I'll all somebody else and I'll try to help.
But my deepest pleasure is helping people find fulfillment. And for the most part, most people are living in a deep mental anguish, So is you're just doing triage, you know, and then beyond that, when you can get the condition elevated, then there's new ideas and new wisdom, and there's the uprooting of some of the ideas that are causing the pain. And that's the thing that's the the hard part for people to realize that most of the pain you're experiencing,
you're actually causing. Yeah, you know there's some portion of it. You gotta let go of ideas that cause you suffering. Last question, one thing you want to get off your chest. I want to see people being able to recognize the humanity of your enemy. I want people to be able to recognize and to see bad behavior as a recognition that a person has been unloved and uncared for. They're behaving badly because they've been treated badly. When you look at someone who felt loved and felt cared for and
felt nurtured, they don't act like Donald Trump. You only act like that if you've been abused. How will us recognizing that though in our oppressors going to help us change what's going on in the nation. Though right now I totally get that, I really do. I just feel like the change that you want to see is gonna be such a slow process. I just don't see. And this situation that we're in right now is immediate, like
change needs to happen now. So I don't feel like understanding that LUV is gonna work and that when you use my acronym. Okay, you just so you said, is that you that, oh LUV. I don't see. I didn't put on that. We're gonna play that. We're gonna play it back for you. We can play it back so you can hear the tone with what you said. I was kind enough to come and say, this is why it don't work. This right here, it's why it don't work. But okay, okay, so to me, to me, let's put it.
Put it simply, it's like surrender. It is surrender. And to me, that is a weakness that we can't afford right now. We just can't afford that. And I feel like we've done that. We're not fitting to do that anymore. Okay, And you went to fitting on me. We're not fitting. Um. I'm not talking about not fighting. I'm talking about adding a deeper understanding. You're fighting so you can fight better. Got it? Okay? Makes sense? Blind, We're not talking about
physical fighting. People were not talking about physical fight. We're talking about creating a positive change in our country. Okay, now that makes sense, and that seems dual. Yes, And I'm saying that creating a positive change in our country is going to demand higher, more intricate understanding of our enemies and in the process of that. So Jada always hates what I say. It like this, I say, ignorance and evil are twin cousins, and she said, there's no
such thing as twin cousins. I was like, I just I just like saying it. But ignorance and evil look almost identical. Accept ignorance is curable and evil is not. So when you are addressing an enemy, you just want to know if you're addressing ignorance or people, because it's two totally different approaches. The problem is they look so
much alike you just want to just kill it. But like someone, I'm uncomfortable in nature when I see animals, I don't understand because I don't know what is dangerous, so I want to I'll hit anything that comes near me. And I just think that there's a higher level of interacting with the world if you can elevate your perception if you can elevate your understanding of the people in
the situations that are in front of you. And it's something I've personally had success with, and I know it don't sound right on a podcast, but I'm I'm definitely going to develop this concept and figure out how to be in the world helping people to cultivate higher understanding of each other's humanity and that in turn will help
us treat one another better. So I believe deeply from personal experience that the moment where you legitimately put aside what you want, what you think, and what you feel and open yourself to a deeper comprehension of what's going on with the other person and just put it and you're you're not giving it up forever. You just put it aside long enough to uproot your false conclusions. Because that's the problem. We all have these false conclusions that
are masquerading as understanding. Right, So I need you to be able to go to the White House in the Senate and have this conversation. Right, You're just gonna that there. We're gonna end that there. You guys don't know, but I'm always pulling Will and Jada into these long, deep conversations in the kitchen, because this is where I get information and understanding, and this is I get the sounding board that I never had when I was young. And really, in so many, so many times, you guys have saved
me from disaster. I'd like to do I just I want to say that cultivating a legitimate, authentic care and concern for everybody's well being is magical. Yea. And things that may seem like they'll take forever, I think we'd be surprised how quickly things can change when you hold your heart in a space of loving openness to the fact that there's a human being across the table from you, there's a human being walking up to your car, there's
a human and being in the restaurant. Like being open to the idea that everybody, every single person you walk past, is suffering. Everybody's having a hard time. Everybody is going through, if not identical, very similar pains and problems and difficulties that you're going through everybody. You're not going to walk past a single person today who's not having a hard time.
And when you can just open to that humanity, just briefly, you can get a little bit past the bad behavior that you might be coming in contact with that person. The bad behavior is always a reflection of their suffering. Yeah, I think this is part of my issue, is how
can our understanding keep our opponents from hurting and killing us? Okay, so this is the Gandhi Martin Luther King belief system that is excruciating, and you have to believe that your non violence and your loving kindness will ultimately penetrate their hearts.
Martin Luther King. The whole point of nonviolence, the whole point of what he was saying, the whole point of the spiritual belief system was when you see yourself on television sicking dogs on unarmed people, your heart will be transformed. And that is the magical belief system of non violence. Yeah, but that's the problem. It feels very magical because it's not what's happening, and it's not what we're experiencing. Because
now we're right back here again. That happened all the way back in the sixties, and now we're right back here again, and the non violence has is continuously being met with violence. Absolutely so. So I'm not saying that there's no time to punch somebody in their face. There absolutely is a time to bust somebody in their face. It's just not every time you're confronted with an issue.
And I'm only suggesting that individually and collectively we continue to elevate the precision of our process options to know which moment is which I fear you. But for me, it just feels like, here we go again. We're always the one having to surrender. It's always the black people, us as black people having to surrender two the viciousness known as racism as and it just seems, uh, it's frustrating. It is wildly and promise you that I'm so glad that I haven't run into a Karen. I promise you
it will not go well. All right, So there's to me, there's different things, right. So it's one thing when you're in physical danger. So when you're in physical danger, through whatever you have to do. If someone is physically threatening,
you do whatever you have to do. But let me, Harris, you just mad if you're just slipping this woman in her face, that can't beat you anyway, that wasn't even gonna try to put her hands on you, I'm yeah, I just you know, I think that there's an educational process across the board that I want to be a part of. If anybody can be salvaged, I want to be a part of salvaging them. Yeah, because you know
I'm serious. But on the other hand, you do have to allow people room to change and grow a little different. I'm asking that for myself. Yes, absolutely, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Yeah, And I'm basically asking people to allow me the opportunity to be better. So if I want to do that, if I want people to do that for me, I have to be willing to do that for others. Wow. That was a revelation for myself. Seriously, seriously. Exactly, yeah, exactly. Yeah.
I still feel like the onus still seems to be on us, and that's kind of my issue. As a general rule, the onus of your life is always on you. The onus is on you period, in your marriage, in your family, and all of your relationships. Because you're you, the onus is always completely, totally and only on you. We couldn't possibly expect white America to fix the problem. They created it. So disagree with that. I so disagree with that. Okay, they created it. White people created the situation.
It is not for black people to fix, it's for them to fix. Okay, So you're my mother in law, so I'm gonna respond respectfully because I love you and I don't want Jada to not talk to me because I talked to you know, but I can't possibly disagree with that. I disagree, but let me talk. Let me talk, gam let me because that that's part of the problem with our families that you won't listen to me. All. I did a piece on put up on my Instagram
about fault and responsibility. Okay, so it's not somebody's fault that there father was an abusive alcronomy. It's not their fault. But if for damn sure is their responsibility to fix it so they can put together a life for themselves. Fault and responsibility. As much as you want them to go together, they don't go together. That will. But they still have all the power. But agam, you can wish or the majority of the power. You can wish as much as you want. Nobody's going to fix it but us.
It's not going to happen. Feel like it's I feel like it's up Yes, it's up to us to come up with the resolutions that we want, the change that we want to happen, but they still have the power to put those changes in place. Does that make sense. I just think that's a dangerous way to look at it.
I just I think I think a lot of it has to do well, maybe I'm just thinking too literally from the from this perspective of law and policy and all of that, we have to vote to put the people in that we want in Well, if you have to change the the African American voting power, if we all especially on the local level, right on the local level, you can have whoever you want in charge. And it's we have to understand the system. It's that's an illusion that we don't have power. I guess, yeah, I guess
that didn't really mean it that way. It's like we have to exercise again, and as I was talking about cultivating the under the understanding that we have to exercise the power that's right in front of us, and it's we don't even thoroughly understand how the government works. But I don't just think that's a black people issue. I'm trying to take it. There a lot of people in the world that don't understand I'm just saying it, and I'm looking at it from a spiritual level more than
from a political level. I'm looking at it spiritually and psychologically. Is you have to take full one hundred responsibility for your current situation. That's where the ultimate power is. Taking responsibility is the power. If you relinquish responsibility, is somebody else's job to fix it, you lose all your power. It has to be your personal responsibility. Two heal the world, you have to take it on personally, and so you don't feel like they have any responsible ability or any
I think trying to heal what they have created. I think it's a dangerous mindset to expect the person that hurt you to fix it. Wow, I think you should fix it. I just don't agree with that. I don't see how we can leave them totally out of the equation. I'm not saying leaving them out of the equation. I'm saying fault and responsibility don't go together. I think that is a wishful way of thinking that the person who spilled the thing should clean it up. What if they say, no,
we're gonna leave it there. Well, but in your house, it's fault and responsibility and I know it's so excruciating. Things can be other people's fault. So essentially the question is the major human question is how do you manage interacting with defiled and degraded insane minds? That you're confronted with somebody who's insane, and the question is what do
you do that? Yes, it's so terrible. They were they've been abused, but now they are in front of you and their mind is broken and they're dangerous, So what do you do? So there are a couple there are levels of how you managed the confrontation with a defiled mind. So you can run, you can you can just you can get away from him, right, um, you can subdue them, you can render them unable to hurt you. You can
punch them in the face, you can do whatever. You can have them removed, you can have them taken away, you can have them put in jail, you can lock up the defiled mind. And then there's the magical space of transforming the mind, of transforming the heart, transforming the energy. So all of the levels have different application. Right, getting away definitely works. Subduing somebody, you bust them in their face, you knock them down, they're gonna think again. Next time
you move somebody away, you have them removed. You have somebody put in jail. That can work. The least used, the most sustainable, most powerful, most magical is transforming the false perceptions of the mind. There's a skill set that go into the There's there's an artistry to transfer forming the mind, and it's the highest of all of the ways to be able to interact. We are addicted as
human beings at this level of consciousness. We are addicted to subduing and imprisoning minds people ideas that we don't agree with. So we're addicted to violence in all of its forms, verbal, of psychological, physical. We are addicted to dealing with degraded minds by meeting them with brutality and abuse. I just don't understand how I can take this concept and feel better when I look at a George Floyd, when I look at a Brianna Taylor, when I look
at Sandra Blank Like, I don't. I just don't see that there's a resolution for myself and in that with this concept, it's just two. There's a responsibility there, and that responsibility is on the police officers who committed the crime. There's a responsibility for the systemic racism in the world, and I think that's what that's where my disconnected is,
that's where my struggle is. That makes a concept just seems so esoteric, and so it doesn't it's certainly something a goal to reach for, but it doesn't seem like it's going to help much in getting us to a place of understanding and a place of healing as a nation right now. I just think it's too too far away. So then it just comes back to the only thing, the only thing you could do, its work on yourself, you know. But it doesn't give me a whole lot
of hope. It doesn't give me a whole lot of hope when when I look at those kinds of circumstances and just in the state that the nation is in right now, where it we really are on the brink of a civil war, I feel so I guess that's that's the frustration. But I guess we could just go on and on with that and not really I think it's not something that can be resolved in exactly exactly. It's very simple. Your behavior is either loving or it's
not loving. And when I look at behavior, I recognize unloving behavior as behavior that's not gonna work, and loving behavior as behavior here that will save our country. So when I look at the George Floyd situation, that is unloving behavior that sets this country on fire. It can be really simple. Let's not elect leaders that don't have love in their hearts. Loveless leaders will destroy us all.
And it's really not more complicated than that. If we put people in office that don't have love in their hearts, they're going to kill us all, period and the story right, Yeah, that's it. And as connected to that, you can't demand that a leader have love in their hearts and you're not holding in yours. Yeah, thank you Will for blessing us with your words of wisdom to day and lovely having you on here. You guys can follow well on all the socials at Will Smith. And congrats on the
reboot of The Freshman. Yeah that lessons. We got some thanks coming, but y'all don't even know I'm we go. That'd be a whole another podcast. All right, thank you. So these are my takeaways from my conversation with Will today. You are the only person that you can change, and change starts within number two be still and think before you speak. Number three, Just treat people like human beings. Rate, review,
and follow the show. Share your thoughts on the episode, and let me know what your cook for the holidays. Follow me on Instagram at Gammy Nari using the hashtag positively GAM. I'm here, I'm talking and I'm listening. I remember y'all Stay grateful. Positively GAM is produced by Westbrook Audio.
Executive producers Adrian Vanfield Narris, Jada Pinkett Smith, Amanda Brown, and Fallon jethro Co. Executive producer sim Hoti, Segment producer Ash Francis, Associate producer Erica Ron, editor and mixer Calvin Bayliss. Positively Gam is in partnership with Art nineteen