Intimacy w/ Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry

on the couch. Okay, what's up everybody? I'm Gammy and this is positively gam Every week I have raw, in depth conversation with inspirational people pushing for change on everything from relationships, aging, politics, wellness, to the current issues facing the black community. But in this episode, we're going to be talking about sex. After fifty Yes. Joining me is Dr Tiffany Davis Henry, one of the most sought after

license sex and relationship experts. She even has her own private practice in Atlanta called Intimate Details, and those are exactly the kind of details we all really want to know. So Dr Tiffany tell me more about Intimate Details And why did you land on that particular name. That's such

a good question, Gabby. So like when I started thinking about the type of work that I knew I wanted to do within my psychotherapy practice, like I wanted a name that really resonated with the work, but also kind of clude people in that it's what we're gonna be talking about is intimate, but it is within those details that the work and the healing and the transformation actually happens. Now, I've found that the women appreciate that name. The men are like, oh no, that means she'd get ready to

getting my business. I don't think I want to go. It's kind of a double edge sword. Some people love it and then some people are very very skeptical. But you know, it is the intimate details that I'm after, and I can't really help with those, you know, whether it's mental health challenges or actual challenge without getting to those intimate details. So that's why I think, do you find that your practice is more individuals or does it

end up being more couples. It's I would say it's a good mix of both, and it's also a really good mix of a very I just have a very diverse clientele. So I see lots of women, lots of straight couples, lots of gay couples, lots of I see a lot of trans women. I've seen um just couples that are older and I see couples that are just starting out and younger, so it's it's a wide range

of people. There's no set demographic. I will say though, that one thing that I found early on, especially with married heterosexual couples, I would get a lot of calls from men calling for me to see their wives. Really, the conversation would go something like this, like, you know, my wife has had been problems. She's just she just doesn't want to have sex anymore. Her libido is low, or she's having lists of a sex desire and I really don't know what's wrong. So can she make an

appointment with you? Yeah? And I said, well, you know what, she can, but it would be really helpful if you would come to like, I think I know what the problem, and the problem is on the other end of this phone. Can you believe that some man is calling me to fix his wife. They're analyze the problem gay, that's the problem. I can relate to that absolutely. I can relate to feeling like the problem is all mine. Yeah, I'm not taking that rap anymore. That's the devil's work exactly. I

think things absolutely change as we age. Sex in your twenties is different from sex in your thirties, and it's different, it's sex in your forties. It evolves over time. We evolve over time, and if you think about it, it should. I'm not the same person that I was ten twenty years ago, so why I think the same things, feel the same things, be the same person in the bedroom.

Different experiences, different relationships, different abilities. So it definitely changes as you get older, but it doesn't have to dissipate or you know, just go away. A lot of times I think that people feel like, you know, as I'm getting older, we'll only have so many more years to have sex and then that's over with. And that's not the case at all. And I want to just say

to that. I know. I'm hoping that there are young women that are are listening to this as well, because hopefully, if they're lucky, you know, they're not having this challenge now, but they will. And I know that for me, things have only gotten better. Good say for me, say that you know me perfectly. I I really really enjoy sex. Yeah it look good. You don't have to give about it.

It's like say it with your chick, and I guess it's just come from experience and just being open minded, because I must say that based on what my mother told me about sex, I can certainly understand why I had issues for so many years. Yeah, and what was the messaging though, What was the messaging your shame and guilt. It was just a lot of shame and get which is so interesting because my mother was very and I don't want this to end up with me on the couch. Okay, listen,

give me. You're not paying me. You're not paying me, so this is just girlfriends. If you were paying me, then we'd have a whole another conversation. So we're just we're just talking, that's all. It was. Just it was just really I mean, I don't know if it was like the time, you know, back in the day, but it was just a lot of shame and guilt around sex, like don't let a boy put his tongue in your mouth, and you know, just making it everything kind of dirty

and shameful. Just the opposite with my daughter with Jada, yeah, you know, and never even shared with me that she was having these conversations with Dada. So I'm glad she did. Yeah, because she did a good job. Shada was quite comfortable with her sexuality and that wasn't because of me, because I shared with Jada what my mother shared with me and what my experiences were. Isn't that just like a grandmother though, to go behind your back and does that.

She never said a word. I had no idea until Jada was like an adult and shared it with me. And it's funny because I think the message when when we were younger was it centered around a lot of around, especially for girls growing up, not getting pregnant like that was the number one thing. Don't shame to the family, don't get exactly exactly that's what That's what I felt like. I felt like she was trying to scare us, you know, out of not you know, getting pregnant, and obviously it

didn't work because you know what, I was seventeen. So getting back to sex after fifty, what kind of changes do you think that we can expect, you know, as our bodies get older. Yeah, so sexual functioning in and of itself, So you're looking at things like desigre or libido, which we've kind of hinted at. You're looking at arousal and the physiology of your body kind of getting itself ready for sex, intercourse and orgasm and that excitement and orgasmic phase as well. So there are so many things

that can change. But I think the biggest indicator, or one of biggest indicators of what's going to cause a change in your sexual functioning is going to be hormones. That's one of the biggest ones. Also, you know, as

you're getting older, you have relationship changes. So as people get older, they may be getting divorced, so you don't necessary in back in dating pools and things like that, so you have a different different set of circumstances than maybe you did twenty years ago when you got married. I find that individuals that are older getting older over fifty, it's a whole new world for them, just navigating how to date at this point and when to have sex

and what the norms really are. One of the fastest growing populations of people with sexually transmitted infections the most increased, right or with older adults, they're not wearing condoms. Part of that is, especially with men, there tends to be some sensitivity issues. So so think about think about it this way. I'm on a medication that lowers my blood pressure, right, let's just say that, and erection is blood flow going to the penis. So now I'm having a reptile issues.

And one of the things that helps me gain an erection is sensation and feeling. So whether that's through oral sex or through male manipulation or masturbation or whatever, that's

what helps me get hard. Right, So now I have to put on a condom, which condoms are designed basically to desensitize and help you to last a little bit longer as well as to protect you from s t I S. So putting on a condom for a lot of men, as they get older, especially if they already have some rectile dysfunction, they don't want to do it. And that's why because it decreases their sensitivity. And then as people get older, um too, and as a woman, like let's say these are to a man and a woman,

UM having sex. I may have a lot of vaginal dryness and one the few things that I want is this latex material rubbing against the vaginal laws when I'm already having a problem with lubrication. But our condoms lubricated, some of them are, and it depends on what they're lubricated with. So some people are allergic to latex. Some people are allergic to certain lubricants so or have sensitivities to those things. So it's really important that you know what it is you're putting on and in your body.

So sometimes those some people have irritations just to the lubricant that's on the condom. So it's it's there are lots of ways that we can like some add ins and some additions and things that will help out with that. But also, you know, its sensitivity is an issue with you know, prolonging intercourse, staying hard, thunger and all of that. You're gonna want a lou that's got more staying power to that's not gonna dry out in the middle of sex,

because then it's not fun anymore. Right, We'll talk to me a little bit before we get into lubrication. Talk to me a little bit about the female vagina, because it's more than just dryness. It's also the thinning of the lining of the vagina. Correct, yes, yes, Because I think people need to really understand what's going on with their bodies, right, um, and I'm not sure that everybody is really clear. So one of the things that happens as we age is we tend to have a decrease

in the amount of estrogen. Right, women do. And estrogen plays a huge role in our sexual health and our I guess really even the way that we feel about our sexuality. So estrogen, with low levels of estrogen, it's going to decrease your sex drive or decrease your sexual desire, your your motivation to be sexual. It increases vaginal dryness, and with vaginal dryness comes painful intercourse. So what tends to happen that lining in the vagina tends to get

a little bit, it tends to get thinner. You also have some elasticity issues. But estrogen is huge. Hormone replacement therapies and things like that that replaced those estrogens is huge, and it makes a big, big improvement on people's ability to feel more sexual and want to have more sex. When sex is painful, you don't want to have it any exactly exactly. So even if your desire works fine, but if the sex is painful, then your desire is working fine because you don't want to have sex when

it's painful. You shouldn't want to have sex when it's painful. So let's talk about you talked a little bit about men. Is there anything else that we need to know about men as far as the changes that their bodies go through. So a lot of I think one of the biggest thing, and we did hints on the erectal issues. So for men when I see them in my practice, Laura, their

concerns are about premature yea reculation or erectile dysfunction. Premature ejaculation meaning basically I'm ejaculating before I would like to, and the erectile dysfunction I'm not able to obtain or maintain an erection for the length of time that i'd like or the hardness that I would like. Yeah, and a lot of their issues maybe from medications that they're on. Correct when it has to medication, if it has to do with yeah, definitely with erection, it usually is a

blood flow thing, so we're talking about blood pressure. We're also talking about diabetes as well. So with that effect their libido as well. It well. So libido is a funny thing because it's tied to so many things. If your performance isn't what you wanted to be, then it's not gonna make you want to have sex as much. So libido sexual desire is one's motivation to be sexual. So I am feeling, like, you know, I'm not performing at my best. I can't stay hard for longer than

thirty seconds. I don't want to have sex anymore because it's not fun. It's almost like the person um that says I've never had an orgasm, I don't want to have sex. So there's no payoff at the end. Their goal is either to last a certain amount of time or to climax or to have their partner climax, and if they can't do those things, it makes them less motivated to have sex. So it does impact the libido in a way, in a roundabout way. Yeah, So I feel like a lot of this is really is psychological.

To then, when someone walks in my office and says they have some sort of sexual issue, whether it's orgasm or sexual desire or um just being aroused, I'm looking at three things. I'm looking at the biological, psychological, coal and social issues. So biological being hormones or medications or illness that they've had and things like that that would impede the physiology of whatever is impacting them. Then I'm looking at the psychological stuff. So are they depressed, are

they fatigued? How are they sleeping, are they super anxious? Do they have difficulty with concentration or control? All the psychological things that I would look at on a normal person, and then kind of figuring out where those dots connect for them sexually. And so if you are partnered with someone that you do not like or the sex isn't what you would like it to be. Yeah, I always say,

you're like your vagina talks to you. It really does, and it will shut down on you so fast if you're so Sometimes that dryness is not about there being some sort of hormonal issue. But also, and I'm sure you have girlfriends that have experiences, people stay together way past expiration to that's something that you know, when I see couples like that, I want to know what it, what that thing is when things turned off, and what it is we can do to kind of fix that

if they want to. Now, there are some couples who could care less about exactly. That's That's the other thing that I wanted to say, Like, some people are okay with it. Yeah, you know they're they're they're totally fine with it. So has there ever been not in this current relationship, right, but in previous relationships. Has there ever been a time where maybe you didn't feel like having sex or your partner didn't and that became like an issue,

a real issue in your relationship. Yes, yeah, absolutely. It was an issue to the point where my husband at the time wanted us to go to a sex therapist. Did you go? I did not, But we were in therapy already, so I did not go to a sex therapist. But you know, I was able to have conversation about it and just release some some of that guilt and shame that I had on but and what he said to me was, don't you want to feel good? Mm hmm.

And I had to really think about that. I had to really think about that, like, because once I was actually engaged, I did, absolutely, yes, but it was just getting there. Oh oh, so you're saying like I didn't necessarily have the desire before sex started, but once sex got going, then it was great. The sexual desire was the part that you were looking right, and so you feel like it was that part of you that had been told like sex is bad, you shouldn't enjoy sex.

You just or what was it? I think it was a little bit of that. I think as as time went on, it turned out to be the relationship itself, and a lot of what you were saying before you if you're not happy in the relationship, then yeah, yeah, you're kind of forcing yourself to do something that like you really not that in we're standing doing. And granted people can have great sex and not like the person,

but it doesn't necessarily make you desire it. It's just like I do it because you know, it's a stick I need. And then as time went on and I was having the physic physiological symptoms, I felt like I was being made to feel like it was I needed to figure it out. Instead we need to figure it out. And so that's why that example resonated with you. I think that I gave at the beginning because what typically happens, especially with men, they feel like the person with the

low desire is the person that's the problem. Yeah, problem. Yeah, So we're gonna send hert to therapy or hymn to therapy. I'll sit home and wait on her to get fixed and then we can go ahead. And so, and that's not the way that I work as a sex therapist, and most sex therapists won't work that way because what we know is that there are two people in this relationship and there is often something that that other person is doing or not doing that it's causing the sexual

desire to be low. And so whenever I would get those calls, and it's just like, well, can you just see this person and fix them and send them back to me? Now? I need to see you too, sir. Yeah. It could be that you have talked down to her for so many years and she's just sick of it and she doesn't like you anymore, and your behavior she I can't make her want to have sex with you. Actually, her vagina is working just fine. She should not want to have sex with you because of how you're acting.

And so sometimes people need to hear that and see that that it's not just because they are the identified patient the one with the issue, does not mean they are the one with the problem. Got it, Yeah, got it all right? So let's move on to toys and loops, because I feel like some of these toys are very complicated. Now, for one, have never been someone who is really interested

in using toys. I just really didn't get it. And my girl, I can remember my girlfriends we were talking about it and it was several of them at the same time that said you don't use toys, and I was like, no, when you got a man and know what he's doing, you know that. Well that's true. But it turns out that my husband was the one who bought me my first toy. Awesome. I thought that was interesting. So it's it's fine, but it's it's a very basic toy. And sometimes I look at these things that they just

look like contraptions. I'm like, what are you supposed to say? Don't come with directions? Like I almost feel like I need a video, like, you know, you can show me what what I'm supposed to do with this. Most of the toys you have videos that go with them if you go to the actual distributors website, but some of the other videos might be a little too pornographic. So

toys and loops. So one of the I think one of the greatest gifts, especially as we age for women and for men, one of the greatest gifts is lubricants, Yes, and which are the best because for me, in my experience, it has been a real struggle seriously, because I'm helping about gotting on too much and that we're just slipping and sliding all over the place, or it's not enough, you know, So it certainly does. It does depend on what it is that you're doing and what it is

that you're needing at the time. So one of the best brand, the brand that I really love and I always will recommend to people is called Liquid s l I q u I D And they make natural and organic loops, and that is why I like them because all of their things, they're usually glittering free, have been free and just very very easy on the skin, the least amount of skin irritations. And they come in a lot of different variations. I have one here this is

Liquid oceanics Um. This particular one is botanical infused and so it has like karagean nori and wacami. But lubricant is just so it's one of those things where people just want to be a hero and don't want to use it, and you know you need to if your body isn't doing what it normally would do, especially as we're aging, have the loop by the bed. There is

no s in that. Younger people, you know, your bodies don't always work your vagina and always doing what you wanted to do at the time that you wanted to do it. So in terms of the types of loop though, there are basically three main types. There's water based, there's silicone based, and then there's a hybrid, meaning there's a mixture of the two. Water based loops are really great, obviously their water based silicone loops tend to be a lot thicker or a little bit thicker because they're not

water based. The great thing about silicone based loops is they have more staying power. So we're looking for something, let's say, for anal sex, I would not recommend a water based loop because it's going to dry out quicker. And we know that the anus does not self lubricate like the vagina dust. So you want something that's actually gonna stay there and be there for a minute. But because of that thickness, a lot of people don't like

it for vaginal sex sometimes. But what with water based loops, so even though they're great, they will dry out quicker, so you might find if you need to reapply it. So it is about and so hybrids are really good because it's kind of the gift of both either a little bit thicker, but they're not as watery. Now let

me tell you what I used to. I have like these little vaginal and suppositories that once again my good good friends shared with me that they were great and it's nothing but cocoa butter, it's an estriol in it, vitamin e and bees wax. We had these little, tiny little suppositories that I that I use and the and they work really really well. Now I still feel like I tend to need a little lubricant for actual intercourse. There are some women and you probably will have some

listeners that can attest to this. We're just walking around during the day at the grocery store. They're having like this feeling of chafing or just vaginal dryness just from walking around. And so those suppositories are really great. And you were talking about you were talking about anal sex, which which I would like to just touch on a little bit because in another conversation woman was saying that vaginal penetration as she got older was so painful for

her that she just could not tolerate it. She chose anal sex interesting, and I thought that was, like, that's insane. I had a very brief attempt at that as a young woman, and I was like, absolutely stop that right now don't stop stop, So anal sex doesn't have to be bad. One of the things that helps immensely is lube, So that is that's step number one, and then the

right type of lube is step number two. The other thing that really helps is the person that is receiving has to be in control, and that's where people make the mistake. The person that is penetrating usually tries to be in control, but because the anus does not lubricate, and because it has so many nerve endings there, it is prone to tearing. And the thin the skin is so thin in the anus, it is very very much prone to tearing. So the person that's penetrating would never

have an idea about it being painful. The person on the receiving end would. So that's the person that kind of needs to start with movements and making sure that it goes at a pace that they needed. And a lot of people, once they switch who's in control and have the right loop and pacing is worked out, they

have a better experience. But it's not something I usually tell people to start with the smallest thing that they had, Like start with a finger before you go with the penis, and that and that's a good thing, because she never did clarify. Yeah, anal simulation is it's one of those things like I have, I have a toy here somewhere, um, and I put it out because I didn't know he was gonna talk about anal sex game. Well I know that.

And my husband tells me that, like, listen, there are women out here that enjoy that, because I'm always like when and he's like, listen, relax on that because there are people that actually enjoy that. Yeah, And it's and there are people that don't enjoy some things that you enjoy. So just when you think about it that way, we all have our own kink, all of our things that we like. But anals what I'm gonna show you is just is an example of a toy. This is a

bit alarming for some people. But this is an anal plug and they come in different types of materials and um iterations. This is stainless steel gammy good god, um, and it is quite heavy. It has some weight to it. And this could be for a man or a woman, right, use a lot of loop and they come in smaller sizes and things like that. With this. If it's this for a man, it is really good for prostate stimulation.

Guys tend to like this or that. And for women sometimes a lot of women will use these butt plugs or anal bees or things like that and leave them in. They use use them for stimulation of the anus right what they're having sex or not. But I've known plenty of women to leave these types of things in while they're having sex and the type of orgasm or the fullness that they feel. It looks like a metal almost

like a metal dildo, but it's almost colder than that. Well, it's short, and you've got to make sure you have the ring on the end of it too, because you don't want anything getting stuck up in there. You need to be able to just pull it right on out. But it looks like it does not look comfortable to me. But it does have kind of a curve in it kind of, so I guess that's where the pros. Yeah, it's gonna go right on in and then it'll hit the prostate in a way that is super stimulating to guys.

And then, like I said, for women that use these, they just have the words that they use are like fullness, Like if they're have this inserted and the anus while they're having sex. There is a different type of stimulation orgasm and vaginal orgasm that they yet, that's interesting. I'm gonna stay right over there though. That's fine, that's that is absolutely fine. So can we talk? Can we talk about your G spot? Gammy? What you want to talk about my G spot? What about it? Have you found it?

You know what she is? Okay? I just found her recently. What's going on? What's her name? For women that don't know, I think I always love to talk about that just because a lot of people feel like, Okay, a clteral orgasm, Yeah, I know what that is. I have those all the time, vaginal orgasms, okay, but the G spot orgasm seems to

be pretty elusive for a lot of people. They either feel like they don't have a G spot if they never had the orgasm, or if they've had it, they've had it once or twice, or and what usually happens is they don't allow themselves to have it. So the G spot, I'm gonna stand up just for a man, although I know, like this is a podcast and folks can't always see. Okay, yes, and you'll tell the people.

So if you're standing up in front of me. If I were to insert my fingers this way right, it is about two to three inches up here, right within the vaginal wall, pelvis, all of that, right, So about two three and it's gonna feel kind of like a being or pe a line of being. It's just yeah, it's just a kind of coffy, yeah, kind of. So with prolonged stimulation of the G spot, you will have a different type of orgasm than like your cltal orgasm

and your vaginal orgasm. And a lot of women will report swirting, which is a gush of fluid when they have an orgasm. A lot of times it's gonna feel like you're pe or that you have to pee. So when you're in bed, or when you're wherever you are with your partner and they're stimulating you with your hands, or even if it's with a toy and you start to have that feeling of oh my gosh, I have to pee, I gotta stop a lot of times it's not that you have to pee, it's just that the

G spot sits next to the scheme's gland. So the G spot, with prolonged stimulation, it becomes a lot more pronounced or more engorged with blood, right, so that makes it thicker. And when that happens is that it starts to press up against the bladder, that engorgement, that little lump that you're starting to feel it's gonna press up against the bladder, and for some people that causes what feels like contractions of the bladder or spasm ng of

those bladder muscles. And it's usually not that you have to pee, but that sensation is what's making you feel as though you do. And if you're one of those lucky or blessed individuals who has experienced a g spot orgasm, you know, if you're having that prolonged stimulation, while it may seem like or feel like you're gonna pee, that fluid is actually coming from the skins gland which sits right next to urethra on either side, and that is thought to be kind of a female prostate, and it

is an ejaculate. It is not urine, but it is a hell of a good time and it's a great orgasm. And I like to say that it's a neat party trick for people that actually can do it, But more often than not, if you're feeling like you have to urinate or p um and you know that your bladder is empty. Just ride that feeling on out and you will probably have one of the best orgasms of your life.

And to ensure that you don't pe just pee before you start, P, before you start love making, P, before you start your interchorus, P, before you start like, just peek first, and then you don't have to worry about that. You'll already know in your mind, Okay, this is not I don't have to pee because I just pee. Yeah, Well, that that was very interesting when I found that spot.

I bet it was found that spot myself. When you have those vibrators and I think you mentioned some of these that kind of have a curve at the top or the rabbit or hook or whatever, a lot of times it's so that it gets to that G spot. So sometimes when they have those tips on them that look a little funny or they curb over, that's for G spot pleasure. That's what those Okay, so I'm gonna scare you again, Gammy, I'm so sorry. In advance. This is another toy. It's by it's by the same company.

It's called Enjoy in j O y Um and it's this, What in the entirety are you supposed to do with that A huge thing? It's not that big. It's long, it is long, but the whole thing isn't going in there, Gammy, my goodness. So here's the thing. This is called a pure wand it looks like a great big smiley face. That's the shape of it, the smile pa, but it really doesn't smiles and it hooks rightly as you right

to the g spot. The thing about the loop, so you could use a water base or a silicone use loop with something like this UM, but most of the toys that you have UM on the market today are gonna be some form of silicone, and you never want to use This is super important. You never want to

use a silicone loop with a silicone TOYO. It sounds kind of it sounds like you would want to do that, But what happens with silicone loops is they start to break down the integra the toy and so you end up getting more bacteria and things like that in it, and then the toy you end up having a throw the tory way sooner than you would now that is that is one thing too about the metal toys that you've been showing. It does look like they're easier to

clean and got a whole lot of crevices. And yeah, with any of those, make sure that they're I would say medical grade silicone is what I look for, and it'll say it on the package. Sometimes you do have to spend a little bit more, but I think it's so much better and those products are safer. You want to um try and make sure that they don't have things like parabins or thalids, which is a toxic gas kind of chemical that they put to preserve toys and things.

You don't want those in those products because you're putting those topxics then into your body. So get medical grade products. So stainless steel is great, medical grade silicone glass is really good. Now we gotta get these men involved. So the next two that I'm gonna show you are for men or or a couple of toys. I say a couple of toys therefore men, but it really is going

to benefit you. So one of the things that guys tend to be intimidated by, obviously are those big deal those the big penises with the rabbit on the end and the pearls that spin around and all that because their penises will never do that, and so a lot of times they feel like, well, if you're gonna if you're doing that, like what can I do? That's a lot of times why they don't like toys. So what we want to do is kind of empower guys. They don't have to be scared of it, and I think

we can include them in the process. So this is one thing that I recommend to include them in the process. Is a penis ring. This is what a different type of penis ring. Again, this is a rechargeable toy medical gray silicone. This expands so it goes over the penis and at the base of the penis, so closest to the body, right, And so what happens is as he becomes erect, it causes the blood flow to stay at

the penis. So if I have a guy who has problems with maintaining an erection, a penis ring is really really good because it's gonna trap blood flow towards the end of it. So when you're supposed to put that on in the beginning before he gets erecked, yes, okay, or at the beginning of the process process, right beginning of the process is a little bit easier, but even after he's erect, it's gonna stretch. So yeah, you can put it on after he's erect and then it traps

blood flow there. The great thing about this one is that it vibrates, so he then feels like he's got a penis as a power tool. As he's penetrating you, you're feeling that vibration too, so you're getting clteral stimulation. See. Okay, because one of those that I didn't know how to use. Yeah, and I think a lot of people wait until they're erect to put them on, which I think is fine. Just put it on base of the penis, turn it on. It vibrates. He feels amazing because he feels like he's

doing something he you've never done before. It is charolotic. And then for you, he starts to his penis does kind of vibrate a little bit. But as he's as he's going in and out penetrating, you're feeling that on your clitterance, which is love it. You will love you will love those people love it. So definitely try it. Okay, I definitely try this, and I have one yes, all right, I have to go shopping and the next you got

homework today, you work now. The next one is another one that you're gonna be like, what in the world is that? So this last one is one that does confuse people when they see it, but they get it. Have you seen something that looks like this? I have and what I don't know that does? Okay, I'm explain this to you too. Do you have one of these? No? I don't. You're gonna get one. So this is a WE vibe W E B I B E. And they have a lot of different versions of this. They're probably

up to like five or six now. But what this is is a couple's toy. You can use this individually for you, or it can be for you and him. I love it as a couple's toy. This is a toy that I give to people when they get married, like this is my wedding gift. This bottom part is inserted in you. And this is a rechargeable toy to a little b b bitty hole. I don't even think you can. You can barely see it as right here,

and it's waterproof. So let's say this is the vagina, right, it goes, the bottom part goes in just like this, right, Okay, So it's inside the vagina. Clitoris is here, so this part is vibrating, so you're getting cliteral stimulation. Right. He enters you here, so he's feeling the vibration on his penis and and as he enters is pushing up against your G spot so you're getting c literal ANGI spot stimulation and his penis is getting stimulated. This has to

have this, You have to. This is great. Wow. And it's medical gray silicone again, so this is something that's super easy to clean. And you'll use a water based lupercant with this. The cockering and the we vibe. I'm definitely feeling the weed vibe alright. So onto debunking some of these cool myths that are out here, because there are plenty. So Number one, after menopause, women experience a permanent decrease in libido true or false false false false.

Some people do experience increases or decreases. I think that sexual desire, hands down is the number one thing that brings people into my office when they have a low sexual desire. But the truth is that of women at some point in their life will have low sex desire. Exactly almost all, and I actually think that the number is higher. I think all of us will experience it at some point. It ebbs and flows, It fluctuates depending on where you are in the relationship, where you are

in life cycle, where you just are in life. So exactly exactly, because I know, like in my fifties, I really I was going through a lot of medical issues at that time too, and so I had a huge drop in my libido. But now, you know, now I'm in my sixties and it seems like my libido has really come back full force. And I think a lot of that has to do with my relationship as well, probably doing your relationship with yourself, like yeah, and having

been through all of that. So I always tell my friends who are struggling, like, keep hope alive it don't come back, don't worry. Yeah, you know, they always say, you know, And I think it's important to remind and I've been reminding myself of this all year. Is this to shell pass. So even if it's a good time that you're having in great sex, this too, sial curls right, But if it's bad, this tocial pass, right, Okay. Myth Number two orgasms disappear after menopause. Ain't doing that, We

ain't living that life. That's what you can definitely definitely attest to that that now. They may be a little bit more challenging to get at times, and you may find different types of orgasms as you age, just like you you just found your juice spot. But there are people who have anal orgasms and find a different type of orgasm. Yeah, so I think our orgasmic capacity changes

over time. Whereas you know, some women say, you know, a clural orgasm, I always get it, and then there becomes a time when like it's not as easy to get, or a vaginal orgasm has been evasive all these years, but finally you're able to have them. So it's gonna fluctuate the type of orgasm you have. Is things will work sometimes and not. That's why position Different positions are great and toys are awesome. Okay, one thing you do you just talked about is positioning. What is the best

way to try to introduce different positions? There are you can get these on Amazon or sex toy shops and even some just regular barns and Noble prestanding bookstores will have books of sex positions and I think those are great because a lot of times we get stuck in our head about the positions that we've always done or that our partner has always done, and we can't really

think outside of the box. Sometimes it takes a visual of seeing a different position to say I don't know, nobody can do that, or you know, And so I think trying different positions is great, and especially especially as we age, certain positions may cause pain. So lying on your back might not be the thing for you for a long period of time if you have let's say, sciatic nerve problems or different types of issues, or maybe leg pain will cause you not to be able to

do a certain position. So definitely, as we age, we have to think about different positions. A name another kind of pseudo toy is a wedge. A lot of there are a lot of Liberator makes one. I think Candy makes one now one and I you know, I actually just saw that recently and I was like, wow, I think I might want to try that. It's a good idea, especially because it takes pressure off certain areas of the body.

It allows you to position yourself. So before buying it, if you're trying to decide if this would be helpful or not. Use stalking of pillows to see how it. If you have kind of an adjustable mattress, use that to your advantage as well, just to see if a different positioning of your head or your kIPS or your legs would help. But those position books really do help, because I think sometimes we get kind of stuck in

our ways and don't think about things. But if you take it, take positioning and use that as kind of your sex toy, a lot of people find greater comfort. Also, like straps and I know, swings and all those kind of stuff. Those aren't necessarily the things that people envision themselves having in their bedroom, but they certainly do help, especially when we talk about like disability or not being able to have like missionary style sex, or I need to be sitting up because of how you know, my

back or my leg pain or whatever. You can still have sex and have some ailments and things going on. You just have to have the right supports in place to be able to do it right. And what would you say is the best way to introduce that kind of discussion? Though I still find it just a tap it awkward. So one thing, one thing that I would suggest is to have people listen to this podcast. Just say, you know what, will you listen to this podcast with me?

And then we can talk about it afterwards. What did you learn? Let me tell you what I took away? Yea, So so that kind of thing. I think. Also one thing that I do have people do, especially when they're in my office, and granted they're in off because they have some sort of issue. I love a good always, sometimes a never list for people. So always are the things and couples will work on there is independently and

then share it with people. But when it comes to sex, like these are the things that I will always do, I'm always down for world sex. I'm always gonna, you know, kiss the back of your neck like you like it or whatever it is. Sometimes we can do an know, but just don't be expecting it every time, because I got to get my mind around that there's always there

these always, sometimes and never things. And then get a person, get each of you in the in a relationship to write your own lists and then swap them out sharing with each other. That's one way. Oh that's a good way. I like that I like. And then once we get that book of positions, right, I would if it's a paper book, and I know we don't necessarily want to destroy books, but one thing that you could do is tear out each page, ball it up or fold it up, put it in a big basket or jar, and each

night and then it's a surprise. Oh that's cool. That's a great idea to see like that. Okay, cool. This has been a blast. Thank you so much for sharing your your expreaditvice. You guys can find all of Dr Tiffany's information on our website, Dr Tiffany dot com and we will definitely need to have a part two so I can scare yes, because you've got homework girl, and I need to know everything that had absolutely, thank you so much. I appreciate you. Here are a few takeaways

from my conversation with Dr Tiffany. Number one, the person with the problem is not always the one causing it. M Number two, aging is a process. We all will go through it if we're blessed, so give yourself great. Number three the always sometimes never list, great idea to start a conversation about trying new things. Number four, no silk own on silicone? Got it? No silicone on silicone? Remember that that's important. Number five, remember to p first

before sex. And on that note, I'm headed out to get my weed y. Thank you guys for listening, and thank you again to my guest, Dr Tiffany Davis Henry. If you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate and review the episode. Follow me on Instagram at Adrian Banfield Nurris to share with me your thoughts on the episode. I'm here, I'm talking, and I'm listening, and there's always

stay grateful. Positively gam is produced by Westbrook Audio. Executive producers Adrian Banfield Narris, Jada Pinkett Smith, Amanda Brown and Fallon jethro Co Executive producer sim Hoti, segment producer Ash Francis, associate producer Erica Ron and Kobe Hartberg, editor and mixer Calvin Bailiff. Positively GAM is in partnership with Art nineteen h