Bridezilla w/ Loni Love

is positively gam. Every week I have raw, in depth conversation with inspirational people pushing for change on everything from aging, relationships, politics and wellness to the current issues facing the black community. In this episode, we're going to be discussing comedy, dating,

and my favorite thing weddings. Joining me is Lonnie, who is a Detroit native actress, comedian, author of the book I Tried To Change So You Don't Have To, and co host of The Real She recently joined Weed's hit show Bridezillas as the show's narrator and is the executive producer and host of Little Women Atlanta Unfiltered, which airs Friday's on Lifetime starting January twenty nine. Lonnie, welcome to Positively gam. You're staying so busy in the pandemic. Do

you have any time to rest? Oh? My goodness, First of all, can I just say how I just love you. I follow you on Instagram. You encourage me. I see the six pack, and I'm like, I'm gonna get a tupac, get a too fat day. I've got that six so I'm gonna get that too. I know you don't don't even worry about that. Everybody doesn't even like a six bad girl that ever. But thank you so much. Okay, so that's what you say. It's so nice to meet you finally, and it's nice to meet you as well.

And like I said, you look beautiful, Like the listeners can't see you, but you look absolutely beautiful. How did you get into comedy? You know what? Game? I was unhappy with my life. I was an engineer. I was sitting there at twenty two, twenty three years old, and I had a manager who had had a fatal heart attack, and I never forgot when he told me, he says,

lived the way you want to live. And when he died, you know, me being that young, being in that atmosphere, I said, I really need to do what I want to do. So I already I had started doing comedy in college and then I decided I was just gonna try it, and I went down to the Hollywood Improv and I started just every night, just you know, I would do my engineering work in the day, I would go to the clubs that night. And it took me about eight years before I was able to get a manager.

And then I started doing the road. And one day at my job we had a layoff. So I went to one of my bosses. I said, you know, save a job and lay me off. And that was in like two thousand two, and I started doing the road and I never looked back. I never looked back in engineering. Wow. And that was a risk. It was that was a risk of quit regular paycheck with with with dient a bit offits because you know, you know my mom, and

my mom was still mad. She's like, you quit that good job because you know black mama's you know what I mean. They like you get you a good state pay and John get you a good jumento exactly you're gonna get you wanna lose your pinchion, You're did a benefits. I said, yes, Ma, I'm buy my own. I won't buy my own own. So because one day I was signing, I was a closer. I was um I had got my way up because I worked for Xerox for eight years and I got all the way up to being

a manager. And I was a project manager, but I was the closer, and I was going to close the contracts and I would be doing jokes and all kinds of stuff. And one day it just hit me. Gam I was like, I saw I was signing a five million dollar contract, and I said, wait, manute, I'm signing a five million dollar contract for somebody else. I need to because I was making about sixty tho dollars. I

was like, wait, these numbers ain't adding up. And that really encouraged me to just said, you know what, I have to create my own equity, my own wealth. And that really encouraged me and pushed me. So I did it during the pandemic. Let me ask you if you find it hard being funny during these times when it's been just so you know, the world isn't just such a aramatized space. Yeah, but this is the time that

we need comics. This is the time that we need the Dave Chappelle's, the the Kevin Harts, you know me even you know on my show, we try to provide some escapism, But then you have to find, you know, some funny even in the dark times. I mean, our president gave us plenty of things to laugh about. Those tweets that he was. He was ridiculous. He was utterly ridiculous. He had something every day that you could literally laugh at.

I remember one tweet he sent out and it was like, the reason why we don't want the immigrants is simple, we full. And we're like, wait, we're fool. Have you been in North Dakota. It's all that man over there in North Dakota, you type of we full. So it's like, that's what as comics, that's what we're supposed to do. We're supposed to make people even in dark times. We're gonna make people laugh. That's our job. Right now. We fool, That's why we can. We can't have nobody. We fool.

And then when he walked up there and he walked the plane with the toilet paper, It's like, how can you not laugh at that? It was so many things to get us through even the darkest of times we could get as comics. This is what we're supposed to do. We're supposed to find some way to help people escape, even if it's just for a mere moment, that's the sign of a good comic. Yeah, I guess you're right. How do you tell in this time where people are

so quick to cancel you it's a cancel culture. How do you tell jokes you know, and share your point of view and without facing the media backlash? Well, you know what, It's called grace and a lot of liquor. Um. You gotta you know what I mean. It's like, the fearless ones are the ones that don't care. They didn't tried to cancel someone like Chappelle many times. You know. The thing is that we're gonna look back on the things that he says and we're gonna be like, why

those are some classics? It was fearless. It's about being real and sometimes when you are authentic at the time, you don't want to hear that at the time you don't. But the thing is when you say you're a comics. See, the problemly is everybody want to be a comic, and that's not it. There are some people that's professional comics that we need to let them be comments. If you're a congressman, you ain't up damn comic, So stop trying to do jokes. Do you do the lawmak it. Let

the comics be the comics. But as far as you know, cancel culture. If you're a true comic, you can't let that get to you because you're supposed to be fearless and your job. You have to take risks. There's some things that I said that I've joked about and people which have tried to cancel. But that's just that's what happens when you're in it. That's part of the whole game. You have to deal with the good and the bad.

And in the end, people give you grace. They know your heart, they know what you're about, and you deal with it and it blows over facts. Now you encourage people to embrace their flaws and just try to live their life to to the fullest. What was the turning point for you when you made that decision that you were going to live your life for yourself. I think it was when I moved here from college. I had I moved here with my college boyfriend and I was

living with him and his mother. That was the first mistake, living with him and his mother, and she was gonna tell me how to be a lady and this is what you need to do to keep mad, because this is what I did. And I was like, but you killed your husband. You know, he had a heart attack. You probably killed him because of your mouth anyway, So it was all of these things that a lady is supposed to do, but I just really wasn't happy with myself and it it had nothing to do with my partner.

It had everything to do with me. And then I started researching and really started asking myself questions about what it What was it that made me happy? What was the things that I wanted to do? And I started really you know, getting spiritual, asking God to give me signs. And finally, once I you know, calm myself down and I really started listening to him and things just started coming my way. That made it easy for me to

make decisions. So I left the relationship and I was on my own and I was able to move forward. And that's when I got into becoming an entertainer. That's really interesting because I still struggle with that. I still struggle with feeling free enough to just fully be myself. But why is that? You know, I'm still very concerned with my image and how people see me. I think I feel like people have a certain expectation of who I am as Jada's mother. That's been an issue for years.

But you know what the thing is when I when I watch you, I feel that you are so real and you give us the truth. Sometimes we don't want it, but then we can't go back and say, no she tripping, you don't be tripping, You'll be hitting it on the nail. But see, the thing is in this country, we're living in all these compartments where people like they don't want us to say black women. A lot of times, it's like sometimes when we're talking about affects black women, when

talking about all women, we're talking about black women. Then they get mad when you do that. But what I like about you, You're like, no, let me tell you I'm a black woman. This is a fact that me

and is affecting my culture. And sometimes it's hard. I know, I understand that being we're talk show host, so we're supposed to reveal some things, but then they try to you know, they sometimes they try to shut you down and make you feel like no, no, no, you've been racist, or you're not being this, or you've been It's like, no, can we for one minute, talk as a black woman. You're a black woman, you're a mother, you're a survivor.

Let you be you. They don't want us to be great sometimes, can we just for one moment, can we just speak our t without having a worry by everybody else's feelings. We got feelings too, thank you. That's all we're asking. And this is a thing. Well, it's not like we're saying you're not this, or you're not great, or this woman is not this, a white woman is not greater. This is his fact. We're talking about us

for a minute. And that's the thing. For so long black women have been put you know, they say we've been put on the bottom. I said, we've never been on the bottom. We've always been you know there, We've always we've been taking care of the country. We always been a backbone. People try to say, oh, the Democratic Party, the black women, we've always been doing that. But then when we try to sit back and give our own the pet on the back, all of a sudden, now,

my god, it's all women. Yeah, all of a sudden, that's a problem, right, And I'm like, it's not a problem. Just let us be great. And we we got y'all were your sisters too. But let us be over here, let us, you know, have this moment amongst each other. And that's what we saw when we saw Kamala. When Kamla became vice president, it was like she's black. Okay, let us enjoy this for just a moment. And now she's a woman. Now she's in an interracial relationship, now

she's this. But for this one second, let us enjoy the fact that this is another sister that I made it through the glass ceiling. Let us enjoy that. And you talk about Kamala being in an interracial marriage, you yourself are in an interracial relationship. How was that like for you? And how did you two meet? We met on a dating app. Really yet we met on a thirting app. And you know, the thing is, for one minute,

I was only dating certain type of men. And then I stopped five years dating and just concentrated because my relationships wasn't going right because I didn't know myself. That's the problem. It wasn't about the dude. It was about me and the energy that I was putting in these relationships. I said I'm gonna put into my career. And once I started doing that my career started blossomy. I started blossoming as a woman. It's never too late, even what you just said, it to learn who you are as

a woman. So you have to give yourself that. Once I started doing that, I started, you know, I started getting busy in Hollywood, and then I decided one day I looked around and I said, well, you know, I decided purposely not to have kids. I decided purposely not to get married. But you know, I needed some support in my life because I was going through different situations like you come home and it's like you'll be on your phone with the girlfriend and she's a girl. I

ain't got time. You know, you ain't got nobody. You look around, You're like, well, where is everybody? I ain't got no Let me find somebody I could talk to, somebody could be my support. Exactly how did you decide to use an app? Because I have I have friends that are single that I'm actually trying to convince them to to use a dating app though I never used one myself. So what was that experience? Like what app did you use? And how did you decide what app

you were going to use? Well, I wanted an app that was going to be safe because you know, me being out there and entertainment. There are certain apps non selemts can use, and I would say give it a try. I would say be safe about it, but give it a try. But first, before you do all of that, right down what you want, write a list of things of attributes that you really that really make you happy as a woman, things that you desire, things that you want.

Then I found an app and it's Bumble and I like Bumble because it's more about me, Like I have to reach out to the guy. So that's the whole thing about Bumble. It's not like the you know, a bunch of guys a guy can It's like a bumble bee. So they sting you, you have to approach him. Once he stings you, you have to approach him. And that's what I liked. I'm in control of the situation, and

so I was still started dating. I was on that app for about a year and a half and it was some ups and downs, you know, but I was really honest with myself. You know, if he had pictures, if the guys had pictures of kids in it, or you know, if he was in the gym, I said, I ain't gonna be in the gym, so don't let me even be bothered with him. Don't let me fool myself, you know what I mean. So there were there were certain things that I was just and so that's how we,

you know, I ended up. I was dating a couple of guys and James. It something about him. It was his eyes because I never dated a white guy before, but it was something about his eyes that was just so kind. And then I saw all his pictures were nice and he just seemed like a really nice guy. So I was like, I just sent him a little text, you know, And I remember they they sting you first, so you know that they have some interest in you. It's not you going after him. He he stings you first.

Then you you can reply or you you you don't have to. And so we hit it off. But I was also dating a brother too, and I liked the brother. But it just turns out that he was a musician. He was busy. He just didn't have time for me. James, on the other hand, as I was, and I tell women, I said, date more than once. Don't just get stuck

on one person. Say that again, Say that again. Lonnie, because no, seriously, black women, I think at least it was back in my day when I was growing up, it was like we hooked up with one person and honey, you mine, you know what I mean, And we don't know how to date, and we called dating. Now women that are trying to date different men now they house, oh, they're just dating. They're dating. They're just dating, and that's

what it is. They're just dating. And because in our culture, though, we're told that, okay, just be with one person because if you like you just said, if you if you date more than one, because they think you have a sex with him and it's not always that. And guess what if you are you're grown, that's your business. That's your business. Okay, just be safe about it. So you do it all kinds of stuff and coming up with stuff. But I try to tell women, how do you know

what you what you like? If you always doing it one at a time, you know what I mean, it's like until you really get to know yourself and know who you are. So I was dating both of them, and the brother just didn't work out. But then I was like, wow, this is new and interesting. But he was filling out everything that I wanted on my list of getting to know me, you know what I mean. Going We went to a concert, a classical concert. He

loved it. You know, we're compatible. So it was like, huh, I'm compatible with him, and and then it just started dawning on me. Yam. We're living in a country that's got all different types of cultures. You mean to tell me we're not gonna find each other attractive. We gotta stop this, We gotta stop this is you. You're not doing this. You you playing out the culture. That's not true. Black men had been doing this for years. That is so true, Lonnie, that is so true. How many times

have you been married? I've been married four times? Where the bell sound like a Laren plocks? Do you times? A lot of you ain't right? You've been back? Yes, I started, y'all. You gotta remember, I started, y'all because I was married by the time I graduated from high school. Because I got pregnant with Jada when I was in high school. So we got married. That was a month back then, like having an illegitimate child and my family was absolutely unacceptable. That just wasn't gonna happen. So I

married at seventeen. That didn't last long. I guess we made it to a year maybe not? Wow? Okay, okay? And then then how how long were your other marriages? My second marriage lasted four years, my third marriage lasted for over twenty years. Yeah, and now my fourth marriage, we've been married for five years. Now. Oh, let's sleep. Oh when you ever ride Zilla? No, I was not. I actually love you or bride Zilla? I really do you be cracking me? Oh? But it feels like this

is got to be scripted. There's no way in the world these women can be that crazy. Yes they are. They are. They seriously, they seriously are. And the reason why I wanted to do it was because they were mostly African American women. This is the season of bride Zilla, and usually they have a white voice, but because this season was predominantly African American women, they wanted an African American voice. And I didn't believe it at first either.

That's these girls can't be this crazy. They are. They are straight up because that's their day, that's their one time to be that princess, and they want it right and it don't ever go right. They don't ever go right. Let's see my third only had I've been married for more times, but I only had two weddings. But my last wedding that I had, which and I always planned everything, I'm telling you, it was torrential torrential rain and the wedding was supposed to be outside by the water. Oh no,

it was horrendous. I was crying. It was awful. It was awful, but but you had the wedding. Though we had it, my husband got me through it. He just was like, listen, it's gonna be okay because we're getting married. It's gonna be okay. And we were fine. We were fine. It ended up being great time for us. We made it work because at the end of the day, he really made me focus on the fact that it wasn't about the wedding. That's what I'm saying. It wasn't about

the wedding. He sounds he sounds like a great guy. That's what I'm talking about. That's what you look for in a partner. But the thing is, okay, after is what made you want to get married again? Because that twenty years is a lot. It is it is I actually enjoy being married. I actually enjoy being married. We just grew apart, and I had lost my oldest sister. I had lost a cousin who was younger than me.

She died from Both of them died from cancer, and I just kind of looked over my life and I was like, there are I have more years behind me that I have left in front of me, and I just I gotta be happy, and I just we weren't happy.

And I don't even think he recognized it. I don't even think my husband at the time recognized it that he deserved to be loved the way he needed to be loved, But so did I. And and that's that just tells you how smart and how strong you are, because a lot of people will stay in long marriages because they feel like we've been together, we bought us, will stick together, but there's still that happiness, which kind of is what I like being single. I really I

love the aspect of being single. I love the aspect of being an entertainer. But I needed that support system. And so then once I found it, I'm like, it's funny, because you know, I make jokes sometimes because I remember one time we were having sex and it was from the bat and I and I forgot he was white and people was like, hey, you forgetting he was. I was like no, because it wasn't about And then I looked, who is this white man? I'm like, oh, that's you know,

that's James. H James. I totally saying. It's just you know, he puts up with me. That's that's another thing. I don't think too many brothers could be putting up with my jokes. He puts up with all the jokes. Listen, are you his first inter racial relationship? Yes? Yes, Well, and I'm and I'm saying relationship. But did either of you ever date outside of the race, because dating doesn't always lead to a relationship, did you ever date anybody

outside of your race? James didn't. Well, he dated Latina's. He liked he liked the Latina's. He dated them. But man, he got over here with the corn bread and the greens and it was like, yeah, it's a whole new day, that's a whole new thing. It's a Oh my god, Lord, have mercy. I cannot. I can't do it with you. I cannot let me ask you this though, on a on a more serious note, how do you all handle talking about issues of race, especially during these times? With

the Trumpsters. And I don't even want to say the increase in white supremacy because it's always been there, it's just coming more to the forefront in the past couple of years. So how do you all manage that? And how do you how do you talk? I just feel like that would be so hard. And then let me just say too that there are there are several people in my family that are white. My nieces and nephews have married white. So I don't want to act like

we all black over here. We know there are white people in in my family, and most of them are white women, and there is one white man, and we do not curve our conversation when it comes to race. I'm not curving or toning down what I say or how I feel because there's a white woman in the room. That's the most important thing. I mean for me, when I knew that, as I was getting to know him, the one thing I was serious about was would he be an ally. I needed to know his political affiliations.

I needed to know his field. That's why you have they, That's why you have the dating period. The dating period is so important, and people don't they I didn't care so much about the money or things like that. I cared about what's your political affiliation, how do you see life? And so once I understood that he was an ally, then we could have conversations and I'm like you. When all that was going on, he was upset, and we actually started doing things to try to help. We went

out and protest. We made sure that we raised funds, you know, for the Legal Defense Fund, for the n A a c P. We did all kinds of things together as a couple. But it's important that if you're going to be with a person, that they are your ally and I'm his ally for certain things. It's important, But I would never give myself to somebody who was a white supremacist or racist or doesn't even simply have my views. Now, when I'm talking about views, I'm talking

about views when it comes to racial equality. I believe in equality for all people, and I believe in equity for all people. That's why you have to have hard conversations. And it wasn't like I went and asked him. I would bring up situation to say, how you feel about this or how you feel about that? This is wrong? He was it was wrong. He's like I can't watch this. This is wrong and people shouldn't do that, you know what Trump was doing. He said, I don't like that,

you know, And and that encouraged me. That let me know that he was serious. Because people could say one thing, but their actions speak a lot speak more. So that's you know. So I'm just like you. I don't curb. You know, I'm from Detroit. I don't stop. I don't say what I want to say from Detroit. I know I got a good girlfriend from Detroit. I know about folks from Detroit. We're not scared. We don't talk exactly.

I want to go back and talk about I want to back up and talk about Bridezilla a little bit more because I really get a kick out of that show. And I have to say that I wasn't watching it before. I really wasn't. But this season with you on there, now, are you just are you just talking off the top of your head or are you scripting it in advance? Are you just coming off the top of your head

with these situations? Well, what happened was initially, you know, they had me going into a studio and then COVID hit, And once COVID hit, we couldn't go into a studio, so I had to go into my closet and I would look at the show and I started writing like whatever I saw, and then I would tape it as I was writing it. It's just just being authentic. My my EP is wonderful EP, but he's not black, and so there were certain things that he would try to write.

He would try to write some stuff or either yeah, and I was like, no, that's it's not gonna work. And this is the importance of having black creatives and having black creatives kind of camera as well, because there are certain things it's like, no, we don't say that, or we wouldn't do that or something like that, and so that's what you see. And then there were some things that you toned down because it's like, no, we're not gonna say that about her, We're not gonna do that.

That's real talk. That's real. That's important. Yeah, that's real talk. I love all things weddings. I love all things wedding, Lonnie. So I told you before the show. I told you that my girlfriend just got a gate. So I'm excited about that. But does being part of this show, oh,

change your attitude about marriage? And weddings. Like, because you have said before that you don't want to get married, do you still feel that way now that you're in a relationship that seems to be working so well for you. We are so compatible, and we're compatible because we're single. Still it. I'm like, I'm good. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. That's it. But I like to I like seeing people

in love. I like seeing people happy. And that's the reason why I took on the task of being the narrator because I know for some women this is their dream to have the beautiful dress and you know, to have that romantic moment. So I'm like, I'm I'm with you. I'm like you with your best friend. You want to see it happen. You want to see it happen, So I'm like making it happen. We had thirteen great brides and it was just all of it, you know, they all ended up. There was one girl her dad didn't

show up. It was one girl her dad didn't show up. But other than that, you know, we had we had some great weddings and everybody was happy. Thank you so much, Lonnie. I have enjoyed this conversation. You are hilarious. I just didn't want to show up at the red table because when you show up, the red table was an issue. We were like, okay, Jada, oh my god, oh my god, gam Willow, this is what I feel. So I just I was like, yes, I will come on. I will come on, gam show but that red table because I

know it's a problem. It's gonna be a problem. Sitting there looking across and you and Jada like Okay, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, we love you. We love you, Lonnie. We're gonna do the win you to Know segment. Tell me what book you're currently reading? The Promised lad but Rock Obama. Oh okay, okay, that's a long one. Are you reading it or are you listening to it? I'm reading it. I need to get the words I need to know. I'll try to improve my vocabulary. So you know,

Obama used big words. So it's like, whoa, yeah, that's true, that's true. Okay, what's one thing you want to get off your chest? One thing I'm going to get off my chest. Where your damn mask the correct way? Some of y'all got the masks hanging down here, you corolla, all up in your damn nose. Some of you you dirty, got dirty masks, got old masks, keep it clean, wearing the right way. And some of y'all need to make

sure that the mask fit. You know, us plus size people, it's like the mask just be covered like right here, you know, especially I see a bunch of men a lot of times because they got bigger faces, and it's just it's like the beard and all this is like, no, get a mask, it's gonna cover all that up. And we're right, that's who I need to get that. Thank you. And at the end of the day, it's important. It's important that we all do our part if we're gonna

get through this pandemic. Last question, what's a motto that you live by? The model that I live by. Speak the truth even if your voice shakes. Ah, all right now, I'm packed that a little bit. Yeah, even if you don't think that you have the vocabulary, even if you think you sound like you do a bunch of arms. If it's the truth, still speaking, it does not matter. Don't let nobody stop you from telling your truth. That's what's important. Wow. I love that. I love that that's

a word. I need to remember that for myself, for myself because self confidence is something that I still struggle with. Before we go, please tell people I know they know, but please share with people where they can see you on social media and what you have coming up. Okay, you can follow me a comic Lonnie Love on i G or you can follow me a Lonnie Love on Twitter and I do answer people back. My new show is called Little Women Atlanta Unfiltered. It's the after show.

It's my first executive produced show. So it's gonna be on Lifetime Fridays like eleven. So I'm just so excited for that. And of course the real you can check your local listings in the daytime. So and this season thirteen of RuPaul's Drag Race, I am a guest judge because of COVID. I got asked back like four times. Um, it's a wonderful season, some wonderful queens. So check us out on v H one on Friday's. Absolutely, I love RuPaul's Drag Race. We would definitely be looking for you there.

Thank you so much, Lonnie. So these are my takeaways after my fun conversation with Lonnie Love. Number one when choosing a mate, it's more about finding someone who you're compatible with. You should be an allied to each other, regardless of race. Number two. It may take you a minute to get there, but it is totally free to live like fully in acceptance of who you really are. A number three. These are difficult times for sure, but laughing can be the best medicine. Thank you to my

guests Lonnie Love. If you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate and review. Follow me on my Instagram at Gammy Narris to share with me your thoughts on the episode. I'm here, I'm talking, and I'm laughing. As always,

stay grateful, y'all. Positively gam is produced by Westbrook Audio Executive producers Adrian Vanfield, Naris, Jada Pinkett Smith, Amanda Brown and Fallon jethro Co Executive producer Sam Holti, Associate producer Erica Ron and Crystal Devone, Editor and mixer Calvin Bailiff. Positively Gam is in partnership with Art nineteen