Hi, I'm Kate Berlance, I'm Jacqueline Novak, And.
This is poog, an ongoing conversation about wellness between two obsessive, fresh.
Two untamable intellects.
This is our hobby, this is our hell, This is our naked desire for free products. This is POOG. Today's topics looselie.
Speaking retinal two hundred dollars, the Paul Bearer shuffle. Hello, Hey, it's me. I say anything different about me today?
Well, yeah, so the listener can't see, of course, But Jacqueline, just before we started recording, showed me that she has a zip, which for her is unheard of. So it's a remarkable day for you to actually have a blemish, a visible blemish.
Only unheard of, you know, in the lore of the podcast. I feel right, it's.
It's well, I've been looking at your face for years and I've never seen a blemish.
Well, I'm covering rose Sha, of course, I think, although that remains, but I don't. I've never minded my rosie. I've never reminded it.
There's a lot of controversy in the Rosetia community. I feel like people ascribe rosesha like I had. Dermatologists recently be like.
Oh, whether it's real or not? Right?
Well, no, no, no, she was like, she was like, maybe that's rose siha. And I'm like, well would you know you know?
Well, well, I had a derm say it's acne, and I don't mean saying what you have in your skin, Jaqueline is acne. I'm him going Rose SHA's acne?
Oh wow wow.
And then yesterday I was reading, well, I was reading that, so a couple of things. One, well, yesterday I was googling retinal, purge, retnall, breakout, whatever, because I finally tried my tretonoen.
Okay, see, I'm so glad we're getting into this because I literally fear I don't know about retinal. I don't know about it. I feel left out. I remember using it a little bit in my like twenties, like my mother had some and I and I was like, please give it to me until she gave me some. But then I stopped and I never returned. And now I'm feeling the anxiety. Have I destroyed my life by not using retinal for the last you know, six years?
No, I don't think so, I think. Sorry, I'm just noticing a little redness. So I'm grabbing what was that concealed eyeshadow? It's actually eyeshadow primary. You know this old two faced Uh, it's one of these babies, and it's oh, what is this two faced shadow insurance or twenty four plus hour anti crease? I keep your joy, keeping your eyes shadow on. I have to get this lipstick off immediately.
You know why why?
It's it's the exact color that makes my oh so pearly white teeth have a hint of another color to them.
Teeth whitening actually something we've never discussed, and I have curiosity. I did cress white strips as like a thirteen year old, yeah, for like two days and then gave up. But now, did you have pain? I think I did experience some sensitivity, but I don't recall.
I was like, I was flat on my back screaming. I was like literally, and you know, I'm not like that, Like I'm like very like stoic, you know, or or just yeah, like for beauty. Yeah, like I was. I was trying this laser thing on my face. This nera was and I was trying, and I'm like, and to me, it feels like you know what what laser feels like, which is, to me, feels like a burning needle, like
a needle that's lit on fire, piercing. Now, while in one sense that sounds horrifying, might be better than a cold needle, you know, that might actually make super sensation. Yeah, but I I turned to Chris once again, always turning to him, and I was like, you could never withstand
what I was stand for beauty or whatever. You know, of course, I mean it's like it's the unspoken thing, like I mean, we all know, like but literally like drag, you know, an exfoliant across the average you know, heteroman's face. I'm just I'm just talking, but you know what I mean.
Yeah, of course they don't know what we do. So the exhausted femme is a favorite archetype of mine and one that I lean into at every chance.
That's genius, the exhausted femme.
You're damn right, I'm tired, Honey, You're damn right, I'm tired.
You're right, I'm tired. Well, you know what I've I'm pretty interested in people who and we'll get to the retinal, but I'm I'm pretty interested and compelled by people who truly put on a face oh yeah, and that's their face to the world and the concealer with the and I'm actually impressed by it.
Yeah, well, what's the It's the classic trope, right if the woman who goes to sleep with the full face of makeup lest there be an emergency in the night and the firemen show up and she's, you know, unpresentable.
Meanwhile, I've gone the other route. I'm like this idea of stained underwear, which you know and you know, oh, you don't want to wear stained underwear. What if you get in a car accident. It's like, well, first of all, glad that that's what you'll be thinking about, mother, And second of all, I mean my mother never said that explicitly, No, I know.
Where was I also like, what movie is that in? That's so familiar?
I know it's I think it's I think it's it's brilliant fifties concern.
And then it's a it's a brilliant idea. It's it's a it's a brilliant horror distilled to something that's very tangible and real. It's of course, you know, and I'm not going to get into ways of seeing in John Berger. We all know it, right, Yeah, but a line was haunted me from that text was you know, a woman, what is it like even at her father's funeral she
is aware of being watched or whatever. And it's like, yeah, you can't even you can't even that image of like a woman weeping over her father or whoever's grave and having to have like a cute dress on is So.
Do you have a lot of experience weeping at funerals?
And I like, do you have you loved this question? I don't have a lot, lucky me, but I've I recall I've had a couple of weeps. Yeah, how about you?
Yeah, I mean there's been some some sort of tragic deaths in the family that you know, have that quality at the funeral that is not just.
No, it's not just the morning.
It's the life well lived. You know, you know death is always said, but and but there, you know, it can all be very six feet underish to kind of like to eat after a funeral. The way that feels to me is so ecstatic, you know what, Like, well, there's two versions. There's one which is they're like I want to go get a burger okay? Or is that
which I love? And then like entering a diner or something and just under the context of of death, then being in a diner and ordering your favorite stuff whatever. Mm God, that's good. And then the other is sort of this disturbing but oddly comforting like bagels at the synagogue thing. I've experienced a couple of times, the thing that, yeah, have you ever been a pallbearer?
No, but my eyes are widening because my I once watched my father be a pallbearer And then I you know, kind of the celebrity of that, like, well, my dad was a pallbear you know, did your dad? Well?
The celebrity at the funerals one of my absolute favorite topics. Okay, because the closer you are to the death, the bigger your celebristatus.
Your day is your special day.
Yes, and like fighting, you know, of course, the I mean I remember, yeah, like elbowing. I remember like elbowing past people like kind of like, you know, I'm the cousin, I'm the granddaughter, right, I mean status fucking respect, Yeah, grief based status is major. And then oh, my god, I've been in Paul Barr a couple of times, and oh, it's like it's like one of these things in life where I'm like, how is this, Like how is this always happening? Because I felt like we're gonna drop this thing.
Like I was like, this is not like me and my cousin's holding the coffin, which is like what it's been a couple.
Times, and like we're not strong people who can't give it to the kids.
Yeah, it's given to the kids. And I remember specifically, I think it was I think it was my grandfather's funeral. But we were like, you know, holding the coffin and having to bring it right over the hole in the ground, and like there were these planks, these wooden planks that were kind of there along the side of it. To I don't know, so that that's what you walk on, these planks so you're not on loose ground or something
like you're gonna fall in. And it was like rattling planks as we're all carrying something way too heavy for us. And I always think of it in my mind, like I have a name for it's a pall bearer shuffle. Okay, it's very specific.
So like to me, it's like I hold something, I'll hold something like uncomfortably like too big, Okay, cause it's.
It's like you have to to be clear. It's like swift, rapid movements of the feet. So it's not the covers as much gund as possible.
Yeah, yes, rabbit shuffling and like we've seen in you know, I always like a movie where a corpse rolls out of a coffin. That's like like I'm just like yeah, like I'm in yeah, and it's yeah, it's just it felt really, It's just I don't think there should be such high risk, should we really be?
No, no, no that that and by the way, and then you're potentially putting imagine the weight no pun intended of that on somebody like I dropped the body. I mean it's just the horror of that seems like a huge risk.
Are you aware of you know, so Jews Jewish, there's an idea that the coffin should be plain simple wood body cedar. Yeah, it's like.
Maybe it's not cedar and look at cedar cedars so fragrant.
Yeah, theedar wi almost yeah, like keep them all?
How do you soy? Yeaha hater? Yeah, what's your experience with open casket?
Well that's the thing as so as a Jew, same thing you don't really get the open casket generally.
Thank God.
And so the only time you've experienced open casket are other people's relatives. And I mean open casket is like wild a psychedelic.
I mean, I've only seen it once, but I was a child and I remember going with my parents to this funeral and then there was the open casket and there was the person and it was like, yeah, just psychedelic, unimaginable, and I wanted to run. And of course what I wanted to do is just run and stare. I wanted to stay. I wanted to be alone in a room with the casket ideally to be able to just freely stare.
But you can't have to not have to perform like.
What, yeah, I know they're dead and that that's them, Like what could possibly be the problem?
There is no I mean to me, there's no greater intimacy because then to see someone's dead body, right.
Oh my god, I'm imagining that you like you, I would allow you to see my dead body. That is the ultimate vulnerability.
My cousin Rachel once said, like, because at one of our family member's funerals, like you know, we were taking turns throwing dirt on the grave, but but actually like actually filling in the hole completely, like shoveling it right, because that's like I don't know again, I think that's part of the Jewish thing, is like cool, there's like the gesture version, like everyone's supposed to throw some dirt on actual there's the actual and I like really took
actually no, I think yeah, I like like really took to it and found it like like I'm like it was six feet under yeah, like influenced, but I was like like, yeah, like this sectually feels like sort of sacred and sort of beautiful. I agree completely, And even though it's I remember my grandfather, non Jew, talking about experiencing that at the Jewish funerals and being like god, you know, like so horrifying, like dirt hitting the casket, and I'm like, no, I love it. And so I
don't know. I took something and was like really getting into it, and I was like working. I was like shoveling intensely, like like like I'm gonna finish it up with the boys because there is filling crass about like well, let's walkup, like let's head back to blah blah blah, these guys will finish filling it.
In the other women kind of with their umbrellas arms linked, kind of walk away towards the buffet and the men are left.
Yeah, umbrellas and arms linked is genius. Yeah, it's like to finish the job. Like it's very weird to walk away. But anyways, and my cousin Rachel was like, like saw it and was like, I want you to do that for me one day or is this something you know what I mean? Oh imagine me Like, well, you know, I was listening to Carolyn Mace this morning. Carolyn Mace, as we all know, mysass, is one of my absolute favorites.
Earlier today jack Can texted me I woke up listening to Mace and I didn't know what she meant who And then you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, please, I'm absolutely clear because I don't have experience with her.
And she was just talking about, you know, our absolute denial of death and and our refusal.
To well, the West failed us.
Yeah, I think of you know, acknowledged death and and that we're just you know, trying to live longer and longer, but but trying to look just I forget what she got it. It's just like the absolute rudeness to our own bodies, like we asked them to endure, We like do all this ship to make them endure, and then like absolutely hate and disgrace the signs of their endurance. It's like, oh, it's so rude.
It's so rude.
When like you know, and it's it's uh, it's not like the question of women and aging is not uh, is not like if you think you've covered it, you still have it. It's like endlessly it's not not fresh. No, no, like yeah, we know women, Oh, after a certain age, they're tossed out like trash, like like there's more to be said. M we just have to develop a space for.
And she really she I was saying, and I say her name, but I think she would have no trouble with me attributing this to her brilliant writer. And I'm honored in shocked to say a friend, Sheila Hetty, I was talking to her recently and she was like, it's just true. Women become more powerful with age. She's like, it's just the truth, like more powerful, more beautiful, more and it's just it is I believe it.
Yeah, Well I've heard I've also read things about specifically like like you know, women who fear men of pause and then like and then I mean I speak. I can imagine people listening going there's it's nothing like that whatever. But I'm just saying I've read a couple of things where like the women being like, you know, I was so afraid of this this and this noess, but actually it freed.
Me God totally. Yeah.
And I read in one of these period sort of books that I was reading, the about the cycles and stuff like that, kind of talking about like being free from the monthly cycle, allowing you to kind of like live this larger like live a larger like m just larger, like you're in a different cycle, like the big one. Yeah, yeah, like you're in the the waning moon of that.
No, it's it's it's truly fascinating to think about.
We need to start visualizing now, so it's not an after the fact thing.
Menopause.
Yeah, and deeper like us at ninety eight, oh, dancing wildly or not dancing wildly or like barely moving but you know, clinking a martini. Whatever it is, doesn't it doesn't have to be defying. It could be like right, but just well, because that's exactly creating images, creating interesting story.
That's enough. My god. Absolutely, yeah, you're right, because it's always like the aging woman, right, It's like, look at her, you'd never know she's seventy four. Look at her lifting his weights, look at that, and it's like, fuck you what about just yea, what if she's like having Yeah.
My mom always she's very like she's she's like, you know, like we're all gonna die. Like she's been saying it since twelve.
You know. I feel lucky that my parents also have talked about death. My dad has always been like I was always kind of like like yeah, And I even remember one time him kind of slapping down the will on the table, like the will like you know, like power of attorney, like you got, you know obviously like unplug me, you know, like that kind of stuff. And I like kind of the the casual nature of that
is really freeing. And and I totally lost. But oh my mom, I remember during COVID as I say this, if it's over, I met like early COVID, pre vaccine, yeah, pre vaccine, COVID being a very concern for their their safety obviously, and my mom kind of being like oh God, and you know, she was very anxious, but she's like, if we get it, we die, we die, you know. So it's like it's like if we die.
We die almost like what what has become the sort of thinking is this kind of idea of like, well I only want to die on my term.
Right or avoid death at all costs. And it's like, well, avoid all we can, we can try to not die, and we do usually through very there's mechanisms.
You're always bargaining, making a bargain, like like you're always saying what you're willing to do, like how much you're willing. Like some people I don't know don't wear seatbelts and that's the bargain and they're making with life. They're like yeah that always for me, that's not a worthwhile bargain to me too.
I always I'm maddened by that.
What's his name?
I got to protect a career, if not yourself.
Well, and I feel like I've talked about this recently, but also protect the other people in the car. You not wearing a seatbelt can kill someone else. Say that's what you have your their body flies forward, it kills you. So That's what I say when I get one of these seat belt people who tries to act like they're only hurting themself, you know, or not hurting themselves. God, I guess there's just this. I guess like part of my way of putting off the idea of death is
I imagine like as if like I'll be so old. It's like it's like, all right, I'm like, oh, let's just try to be as old as possible. Right, you start there, and then you got to look at that and go why why is that what I want? And it's like, oh, because if I'm as old as possible, I won't be me anymore. And that's almost like I'm not dying. It's like someone else is dying and it's like, nope, bitch,
that'll be you right there. Continuous consciousness from me, You're to there, just the way you know, your your consciousness has been continuous since childhood. Like now, yes, childhood feels far away, but also does it I don't know. I guess that's really the horror is that it's going to be you and you, It's going to be you even at twenty. Yeah, I mean that's why it's like maybe it's superior. For the mind to go before the body is what I'm saying. No, no, I mean the desire
to have a clean way out. I don't know. It seems like sudden death is the answer.
I would hope to the mind going first disturbs me more. But yes, at sudden death, I think the bust to the head, the coconut to the top of the head. Imagine both of us die in the next week.
Oh well, well, yeah, I mean, it's.
Your It's hard for me not to quote your genius joke here.
The big problem for me with death is that I and this is why. Well, it's all it's all my fucking show. So we'll just leave it.
I believe it. Okay, Well we should go to break. When we come back, we'll talk about that.
I'm gonna show, folks. Tickets are on sale, Okay, all months in Los Angeles. Okay, Tuesdays.
And we're back. Yeah yeah, what no, no, no, I'm just just leaving my death. Yeah.
Oh. I had a major realization the other night. Gummy induced, I mean, well not gummy induced. I got news for you, folks. There is no notion inside of a weed. Gummy A gummy yeah, still has to happen in your head, of course, So what was it? Give it to me still fresh insights. I had this like moment about and it's you know how the things that are the most profound are the
most obvious, blah blah. Okay, so I'm like, this might, this might not, this might sound like nothing, but I saw it in a way that felt like something which was Okay, your life as a substance time that could run out the bottle of shower jel that you're afraid to use whatever. Yeah, right, And I was thinking about like,
live your life, live live your life. Juicet juice at juice it right, And in order to do that you have to well you could either be like a you know, a raving spiritual loon, right, just like in pure present tense, just whirling about an ecstasy. Right. I guess that is an option. But otherwise, you know, there has to be a certain amount of like thinking about your life in order to make the most use of it. Right, Yeah, there has to be some arguably, there's some thinking, some planning something.
I mean, you can't just got a raw nerve. You can't just be ecstatically rolling on the front lawn coming because.
First of all, like what home are you in if you haven't you know, like there are some basics to be taken care of survival wise, right, so so, but but even settings like that, even just trying to live a life well okay, like take some time to like work shit out psychologically for yourself anyway, It's just this moment where I realized, like that there's this ongoing bargain where I go, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna allocate some of the time I have towards making another time
in my life better mm hmm. And in order and in doing that, I'm continually I'm shrinking the amount of time that I'll have to enjoy the thing. But I'm still i still think that's the right choice. So it's but it's weird. It's weird because I could suddenly see it like this line and I'm taking It's like I'm taking some of the thread or the rope. I'm using some of the slack. It's like I'm depleting yet purposely. It's like cutting more hair to get the bangs straight, you know what I mean.
No, it's brilliant.
It's like there's something it's like the metaphor's not there. But I just I saw it very clearly, and it wasn't just necess so you got all their life and the president you gott to throw it all out the window and whatever. It was like. So, we were talking a couple of weeks ago about oh, you have one day left to live or whatever, right, and we're like, it's dinner. It's dinner. Of course, it's it's dinner. We plan right, yeah.
Yeah.
Now if you and me are like, okay, we have you know, we have twelve hours left to.
Live, I'm at the market immediately.
Do you think we're not spending one hour of that crying planning the dinner, you know, choosing the foods?
Right? Oh? My god, I think I would. I would focus all my attention twelve hours left. I would go, yeah, you get yeah, yeah, and I would be You'd find the only difference would be then instead of washing the dishes, I would just let them pile up. Aside from that, it would be or that would be more poetic as supposed to wash the dishes and put them away.
Can you imagine? Yeah, I could see a solemnly washing the dishes as like as the weird light of the World's end some green glowing you know, Chernobyl.
As it comes, Yeah, it comes closer, and you're scrubbing.
Like nobly, nobly scrubbing. He missed the spot.
Oh my god, Mirichick is kind of like that would be so stressful if you had, because I would be like, I want a dinner party. That would be a really hard occasion if there was someone that you didn't want to see, like if there was some like social obligation, like someone that ordinarily be like yeah, yeah, I know, of course we're going to invite them or whatever.
Well, yeah, I mean I actually spent a lot of time thinking about that, since not a lot of time, but no, I mean end of the World plans just the way the ranks would close, you know, closing up ranks real fast and where secrets drop and you know what I mean, like, well, it's force measure a little bit right, like in force Measure.
Brilliant.
Basically Ski Resort family avalanche comes down. They're sitting there at lunch. I mean, this is a spoiler, but of course it does spoilers. The father bolts, right, and so it's a visions people are about to die.
The mother and children duck onto the table. They're screaming. The father bolts, and then I mean, it's so brilliant, so jealous of that concept and perfect. The snow starts to clear. Oh we're fine. Everyone realizes, Oh, that was really scary, but we're going to be fine. And they have to reckon with the fact that the patriarch fled.
You just you just die. When you say things like that, it just such joy, the extremness of the language. It's just fled. Like that is why I dream of being through the ages with you in different time period. Oh my god, you being like he flew, he fled, You're confused. Flew is a nice word. Also, Oh it flew. It just flew over there.
Flew right out. Yeah, I mean I always it's always the thing of how do you really act in a
crisis or an emergency? And I've always assumed I would, you know, fears about you know, as we all know, my my crushing anxiety about parents dying of course inevitable, but like my own fears about how would I act in What I'm trying to say is that I've been forgot who was it told me that sometimes people with heightened anxiety, like daily anxiety when there's actually a crisis, are the ones that can kind of like, yeah, buckle down and deal with it.
And I have been preparing for the whole line, right right right, and a couple of yeah, I had a glimpse where I was like, well, I'm actually not.
I thought right now i'd be on the floor a puddle and consolable or unable to a you know, and I'm the one picking up a lunch baby.
No, exactly, And you're prepared. I do think. I remember one time this guy we were in high school hanging out. Mother, Oh wow, what was it? Tell me?
Just hit my toe, hit my elbows so hard on this chair, keep going, Oh my god, it's fine, right, knock into ship, I knocked into something. What's god?
My trick? I've gotten this to you when you've been pain Oh you hit it and no, I go ten seconds. I'm like countdown from ten and see how you feel. It's like it just get through ten seconds. It'll be better then, and it like you have done that for me, and it does. It's already gone.
Okay, continue, there's still kind of a radiating pain, but it's fine. It's dull.
Just a little touch point.
Oh the memory of pain.
Well, it's an interesting there's some ideas about like that you can't truly remember it or something.
It's like pain, pain is something there is something unreal, like okay, now I'm just being like, but hitting my elbow, it's like that kind of fleeting pain is bizarre. Yeah, Or it's just like the reminder of having a body like that is so startling, Like walk into.
Something pain in the brain, right, Like pain is you're experiencing through the travel. Yeah, right, then it seems like you should be able to outwit it, like and be like that's a sensation.
Look at that. Yeah, I'm noticing that I'm having pain instead of being or like yeah.
My radical acceptance of pain.
My body has pain, instead of being like I have pain or something like oh look how interesting my leg is.
Gone closing down ranks around emergency. Oh your parents running to your parents dinner? Oh but just like yeah, how long would I spend like how many hours would we spend planning the food? I think you and me we would balance it like, Okay, well we don't want to plan so much that the dinner only lasts an hour, right, he'd be like, no, the dinner we need to have six hours start to finish.
It's I come now, we'll put the pasta water, we'll start boiling the pasta now.
But we'd also be like, well, it's going to take me forty minutes to secure that cheese, right and so, and it'd be like is it worth it? And I think we'd be like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean imagine seven hours. Yeah, six is fine. It is fine. I think we would, right, right or right. The fact that it takes time to consider time, I guess is.
My yeah, it's it's hell.
And now I've told you this probably about my father's time management stuff, where he was tracking in days of his early days of his business and probably still I don't know, but tracking what he was doing with his time, like down to the fifteen minutes mark and then putting it in you know, to his graph or whatever, like charting it and being like, okay, like you know, I spent this much time on new business, you know, like seeking out new business, this much time on admin, this
much time on you know, doing the actual work whatever, and like and and basically like he did his system and he realized, you we was spending too much time on his time tracking the system revealed.
It's amazing.
I love that. Couldn't you just like die for that? So God, I just I have been struggling this week with fantasies of the question of habits has been coming up a lot in uh, particularly in the last like number of years, not like it's new, but you know, there's that book Atomic Habits, and I feel like eight years ago there was a lot of talk about Ben Franklin's habit tracker thing and.
Nerd.
I know, I know, but but but the only thing that's kind of like disturbing about it is because I go, like, I know, that's not how I live.
And it's easy to build a habit when all you have is like you know, when there's like a chicken screaming outside and you're like, I could go attend to the chicken. I could toss this rock against that rock. I could, like Ben Franklin, have sex, yeah, or I could like write down something, or I could gaze, you know, onto into the horizon. I'm not impressed by like pre printing press habits.
Oh yeah, no, no, no, certainly, but Ben Franklin was not pre printing press. God, You're like, you're like in the thirteen hundreds.
When when because like, sorry, yeah.
Well atomic habits. Oh but I was saying living free like and then, but the disturbing realization is like, you're not habitless.
I love when I'm a complete air ahead, Yeah you're not.
The hell is that? Like you actually can't escape it. It's the question of are you pleased with what yours are? Like? So I think of myself as living free, and yet of course I am. You know my habits, what are they? I habitually watch television at I television is fine, start the morning with coffee, I mean whatever, It's.
Just I mean, I'm sorry to interrupt with the complete obviously I'm going to talk about but this is what the social media thing. Because I was thinking about how I use my time as well recently. I was actually forcing myself to write it down, like what are the things I do the most? And I was like, oh my god, well guess one of the top two things I do the most look at my fucking phone. Yeah, And that hit hard, and I have to say, I'm
three weeks tomorrow no phone. And I did log on briefly to post something and then love it off and like and then and get out. No and I got in and got out, and it was it was really clarifying to get in and get out. It gave me hope for the future that I that I can continue to use that system, because yeah, the time lost is harrowing.
There's a there's an old self help book that is like called something like how to Survive on twenty four hours a day or something like that, I mean from like nineteen oh one, and I read it years ago and I was like, oh, what.
Do you mean how to survive like like how to for how to live time.
For hours a day. He's like he's a real like bastard and pointing out like how like the average man like you know, you know, wastes his life Like I don't know, it's it's.
Which is also rude. It's like just of course we're going to waste time. We're not here to not waste time, like absolutely, absolutely no, I mean, trivolities are the stuff of life.
Although I always felt it was sort of rude, like do you remember the whole thing. I think it's attributed to John Lennon, like life's what happens when you're making other plans.
Yeah. John Lennon said that, yeah.
And it's it's sort of like it's easier to sort of say that when your big life plans are being the most massive major musician ever, do you know what
I mean, killing it? Yeah, like easy for him to be like, it's actually the times between the tour yeah yeah, yeah, versus I feel like the person's saying lives of the stuff that happens when you're making other plans, their plans have gone well, yes, correct, Like if you're trying to get out of your life, you're trying to escape your life into a new thing, get a new thing started.
Yeah, I feel like I want to go higher. These earthly these earthly achievements are they've lost something from me.
Right right. It's easy to renounce money when you have money, blah blah blah. You know that holds if you're not happy with what you're with, what your main plans are, then it's a little bit annoying to have to like savor the details or whatever. But one thing Carolyn Mace did say this morning when I was listening to Entering the Castle one of her audio lectures. It talks about the work of Teresa of Avalon, etcetera, etcetera. She's like, people come to my workshops and they want to be
told what's my highest potential, what's my greatest potential? Like what am I here to do? Kind of thing? And she's like, they want you know, great, big, huge, It's how she always says it. She's like, they want to upgrade their highest potential. They can't even function at their lowest potential. Dawn, Okay, They're like, can't get out of bed, they can't command their spirit to like forgive their friend like I'm a CEO, but they're at a workshop asking
her yeahah yeah. And so there have been a couple of times in my life like I remember her saying that, and maybe, like what if I went the other way that I than how I normally think, Like I normally think, start from the biggest, most upstream, essential thing and work from there. Like what if I went the other way and was like, I'm gonna try to live at my lowest potential. Well literally get my shit together around you know,
my laundry. But all I'm saying is that, Uh, there was a period where once I was like, all right, let's let's let's start with the basics. And it was kind of interesting, basically, like to live my lowest potential well and like and then kind of build off that. I don't know because I'm always dismissing the small and then and then I find myself absolutely crushed by mess. You know what I mean. It's just whatever, We'll circle these things again and again. We gotta go to break.
And we're back.
Yep.
Well, I'm considering ping for an Air one membership. Well I can't figure out the math though, of course.
What are the numbers and whatever?
One membership is two hundred dollars and which you guys ten percent for the year and you get ten percent off everything. All right, hold on, I'll do it for you, right, Okay, Well, I go every forty five minutes.
How often are you going?
So here's the thing. And this is something that I chronically struggle with. So I go, and I'm spending a lot in small purchases. So it's not like I'm going and going, oh here's you know, it's like I rarely spend over forty dollars in one go, but maybe I do that, you know, six times. Like I'm bad at understanding what the value.
Is of trying to look at.
My credit card statement.
It's not that hard it seems like it's Hell, it's not that bad, I ad or you just added on the downloaded and to excel.
Never could never could, never would.
No, I feel you. But let me just think about this. Two hundred dollars. It has to happen in order to be in order for it to for you to be making money, not losing money or whatever. Yeah, right, bless you. You have to get two hundred dollars off. Okay, so so you have to in getting ten percent off, you have to save two hundred dollars. So you have to. So it it's two hundred dollars ten percent of two thousand. Yeah, So are you good? Kate?
Look at me, at me.
She was rubbing her eyes and it just flew out of you. Okay, you act like.
You know, yeah, oh yeah, ten percent? Yeah you know?
So wait is that what am I trying to say? Do you spend two thousand at air one?
No?
I don't even know. No, this doesn't even make that this is the year?
Should But if I spend two thousand in the year, oh whatever, I'll forget this out tim kicking it down the stream till another time.
Two hundreds.
I really I abuse the hot bar because like right now, I just live so close to it, so it's like, right now, I'm hungry.
Right, you could go over there and get a what do you like to get it there?
I mean I cook, you know, I do cook. Of course they do. They do it. They do a chicken nugget, a coconut bread and a coconut flour chicken nugget.
They do.
They do good sushi, Yeah, they do know.
They did that. Oh yeah, No, I mean I didn't know they did a coconut flower they.
Do it breaded, yeah, and they do the salid Yeah. They have Keto stuff for sure. And then they have but oh, I don't know if it's a nugget because they'd.
Call it that if it was. So I'm thinking it's coconut flour plus wheat flower.
No, I don't think they're Keto. And you know, sometimes I get it and I go, this is not great, Like this is not But it's just the as we've said, convenience is a killer convenience. We'll do everything out of the.
Devil lives now inside a convenience. The devil had to look for a place to get.
Us, and it found its way home instantly.
All of here. Yeah, yeah, olive here.
I feel like I'm really cheesy today. Food. Do you feel this? I feel like I feel like I've been continually saying things and I'm like, who's that? I get it? Something else I don't even recall, but I feel nervous or something. It's strange.
Well, we'll listen back and we'll cut anything we don't I.
You know, I can't believe well chinks.
I bought Robert a headlamp.
Yeah, the Jinks, Oh my god, I need to rewatch I the Jinks is so terrifying and so good. Where's mommy? Mommy's on the roof, My mommy, I don't remember where's He's talking about his mother, like on the roof? Yeah, and like and his voice all, well, mommy's you know, and it's like, yeah, he was spelling, Oh yeah, Beverly Hills.
And the letter of course of like Maybell or something we talked.
About on Christmas Poog we went live on the Instagram. We talked about the staircase, but then didn't really dive deeper. But I'm about to do it or rewatch. It's it's deeply influential. The Stair's case is exquisite. And it's on Netflix now maybe it has been. Who knows, never seen it. I was saying, Michael, see hollow the luck, honey, Lightning doesn't write it, does it? You're Michael Sea Hall set under and then dead. His agents are going, you're kidding me. Two hits, two hits like this.
Two hits and new Blood is it's a joy. It's a recent uh Dexter additional season. We didn't know we were going to get called Dexter new Blood. I just love the world of Dexter. I love riding around in his brain.
Sorry, I'm distracted because I have a cabinet on the way.
What drawers?
Another one? It's happening, The office is happening. Okay, so no, So actually I was on offer up and I almost bought the set of drawers. And then I was at my parents' house and I noticed this drawer, this drawer set in my whole bedroom, and I said, do you need this? My mother said absolutely not. So I'm having that. It's brought here.
That's exciting.
Yeah wow, And so I'm going to have that. And you know what's happening. I have to get a handyman in here to help me hang a few things really, you know.
You know, haunting me. But the big thing I want I want a big mirror. I want okay, I want mirrors, dance mirrors so that when I'm when I'm doing my tracy.
Well, I mean, my dance mirror in my bedroom is my dream. The thing that's.
Fucking with me is the anti tip technology. Okay, hm hmm, you know, the whole secure this against the wall with this thing. They're like, this mirror, don't worry, it comes with anti tip technology, and it's like you can lean this huge thing against the wall. I'm afraid of leans.
Of course because of also the cat.
Yeah, even though like my big bookshelves just stand there. They're not secure to anything, and I'm like, not afraid.
It's at maybe you should be. Actually we are an earthquake country.
But that Yeah, But then I start to break down about whether or not I am you know, can I safely mount the hardware? Can we trust that I'm choosing your right you know, drill size to put the little thing in that then the screw goes in. Do you even know what I'm talking about?
Honestly?
Anchors God, oh yeah.
Having to find the stud of the wad I mean, I want to be able to do that. I really really do.
I have a stud finder if you can imagine, wow, but you can you know what you can do kind of knock knock, knock and you'll hear the business stud. I don't trust feel to do that. No, you really feel it. It's like it's it's actually and then you drill in and sometimes you hit it and but yeah,
I've gone through phases. It's one of those things where I like don't believe it's real, Like like like I remember I don't know early in my semi adult life, like hanging shelves somewhere and just being like I'm not the anchor. What is this now? Like I'm just screwing this thing into the wall. It's fine, and then like watching it slowly fall out of the wall, like refusing to really find out what my dolls are made of. That sort of thing.
That's the constant I feel like, that's the thing that I'm always bucking is directions. Like I get so impatient reading directions that I'll read the first three sentences and I'm like uh huhh, and I'm just like no, I'll just figure it out. I'll figure it out my way and then it's like, no, there's just a way. It's not intuitive. You just have to follow this direction and it will. But I become so impatient and I become overwhelmed with directions, and then I suffer in the long run.
Me accepting the truth of wall anchors, me accepting Okay, I have to drill a hole, I have to tap a wall anchor in, and then in goes my screw like the once I accepted that, and it didn't seem like something other people do.
Oh it's so freezing.
I know, it was like, oh, no, that's something you do. I do now. I guess that's so cool. And but there was resistance because it's sort of like you know, and they're it's it's the same to me as you know, test a small amount on an inconspicuous area of your.
Garment, Oh yeah, or the inside of you or the back.
Ear wrist, whatever, you know. I'm like, no, just risk it.
Yeah.
Can you imagine like I didn't go to I didn't go to CBS at three am for hair dye to do a test and wait and wait. You know I can't because I have an emotional problem. Yeah, yeah, and I want to quick fix. Yes, and so I'm gonna go with, well, I can't do anything that bad or you know, they couldn't put it on the market if it was that danger. I never trust I always. That's the whole retinal to the water line thing, you know, it's like.
What they say, don't put it up to the water line.
I don't even know. I can't even remember.
I feel like the retinal because what if people say about retinal is that it's like it makes me very sensitive to the sun right to the idea is that it prevents acne and helps with lines with wrinkles.
Well, the sensitivity of the sun is not like, is not being framed as a benefit.
No, no, I mean that that's a problem. Like if you're on retinal, you have to be really careful about the sun.
Yeah. Now, thankfully we already are, right, correct. I Mean it's one of those things where it's like it feels almost like now you can have the dog if you promise you will feed it every day and pick up its trash. Yeah, daddy, okay, yeah, yeah, I'll do it. This is something I've seen on television. Yeah, but it's almost like that, it's like, okay, you can have the retinal if you are if you are vigilant about your sun protection, because and this is what's scary to me,
the responsibility inherent. They're like, because if you don't, you'll make your skin worse, like like if your extra sensitive to the sun, then the sun damage will be worse. And so it's like it's like, this is where advisors come into play for me.
Right, right, I still struggle with wearing a hat on.
I'll never forget a T shirt. Is only SPF ten.
Oh God, don't say it.
I know it's so it's so upsetting, isn't it wonderful?
Wonderful?
There's a questionful do our windows protect us? I don't think they do.
They don't. And that's one of the things that's you know, the hell, the realization that you're supposed to wear SPF even if you're in the side. Never leave the home. Right, We've talked about this. They say blue light you can also damage the skin. So well, I'm just inside all day. I'm like computerble guests, Well, honey, you're gonna want to slop on some SPF thirty.
Just sit in front of your mac.
Just sit in front of your goddamn mac book and watch the your feet.
Yeah, oh we we we've we did get a code for light path to wellness like poog ten percent off with yeah, very fancy all post on the stories, but that's a deal. I was reading again about red light and and using it as your ambient light at night for a couple of hours before going to bed, and I was like, okay, yeah, and oh you know what, I you know what I just got. I'm so excited about what and I mean not to you know, Oh I forgot to tell you I had this is where
I waken the night. Let me just get this out. Okay. I'm like, I'm struggling because I'm about to tell you about a low carb chip and that makes me not happy about who I am. Oh please, Okay, So there's that number one, like the mystique you know, not that there is any, but you know what I mean, right, Like, oh great? And then secondly, as a result, would you like hear the most vain possible response to Joan Didion's death beyond like her work meaning a lot to me as it does too many You.
Were like fin Spow, Yeah.
I was like whatever, just looking at the pictures of Joan didion, and I was like, when you realize there's something that you've fucked up that cannot be turned back, and mine was smiling in pictures.
I was like that she never saw Poe.
I mean there are some I think where she is very young, like when she's like young woman hot, whatever's like wind blown, when when like I would try for daddy my fool. Yeah, she's just like I'm a writer and I'm looking at the camera and I just I felt devastation. I felt devastation.
I'm not surprised about it.
I was, Fuck, why didn' anyone tell me? Like, why didn't I clock that you can do it? In nineteen you can do Cut the fucking smiles. I wouldn't have been walked walked all over. Guess what, folks, is the last smile you're getting.
Out of me?
Oh no, we love it Oka, I'm gonna bring it down.
We love those pearly whites.
I think this has been wonderful.
We're at the hour mark. I think we should go, well, well.
Well, another conversation in the can, another day, another dollar and the dollars spent. I love talking about death, me too. You know, you know we're gonna bring a lot of that, A lot of that here.
Yeah, it's haiving to go deeper with death. Great.
Well, Uprising is the chips I'm very excited about and paid through the nose for, and I'm open to partnership opportunities with Uprising chips. They're like bagel chips.
Arowon actually has an explosive keto cheesecake I was thinking about for you.
Is it allylos or is it is it monk fruit or is it your athrotoal? Because if it's your athrotal, I.
Think it's rythrotal.
It has a cooling effect and I won't have it.
No, there's no cooling effect.
Okay, some are more sensitive to it than others.
No, no, no, I know that effect. I know that effect.
This is not that Hello big good? Actually there's well maney, Well, well yeah, I have some more bake goods coming coming your way.
Well you also turned me on too, Lily's.
Peanut butter fact that you didn't know. Unv I want one to write sugar free baby, Well, Stevia, Sweeten, I love you, Bye bye?
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