Episode 255 - Anaconda (1997)

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This week, we're broadcasting live from the Micaela One, discussing the 1997 creature feature, Anaconda. This film was directed by Luis Llosa from a screenplay by Hans Bauer, Jim Cash, and Jack Epps Jr. With a decent cast, memorable moments, scenic cinematography, and commendable creature design, Anaconda provides audiences with an action-packed experience tinged with horror, adventure, and humor, albeit unintentional. times.

Though the film didn't fare well with contemporary critics, Anaconda would prove successful at the box office, spawning several sequels, a remake, an upcoming reboot, and over the years since its release, it has attained the status of a cult class. Classic. This film was suggested to us by friends of the show, Antonio Huerta, TJ Bronson, Anthony Jerome M., Molly, and Noreen S. We'd like to thank each and every one of them for their continued support of the show as well as this suggestion.

This film was also the winner of our February Patreon poll, so thank you to all of our patrons who participated and voted. If you'd like to help us pick an episode, join us over on Patreon at patreon.com slash thepodmortem.

Anaconda. What were your first impressions on the film? So this was 97. It was about maybe 13, 14, something like that. I remember watching this movie having... the DVD and watching this why I don't know but me and my brother I'll be quite honest me and my one of my older brothers Isaiah we used to watch the shit out of this movie It was just the weirdest thing. We would quote this movie. We would like it. We knew it wasn't good.

Like, I mean, I'll go ahead and throw that out there right now. At least there's awareness. Right. I mean, because the movie does some stuff and then it's just like, oh. But I mean, I watched it a lot. you know, to say, you know, make a big story short. But watching this now for the show as an adult, I'm gonna be honest, I did find enjoyment in watching this.

It's still bad. It's still not great. There's a lot of what? But I still enjoyed the shit out of this movie. I don't know why. Maybe it's because it is bad, but it's not. uh it's not to the level of maximum overdrive to where it's so bad it's good no it is or like it's so bad for me it's genius you know what i mean it's like oh wow but this was just like oh that's fucking hilarious

Well, you have nostalgia tied to it as well. Yeah, but this I can at least say it's not going to get the score maximum overdrive. Let's not do that. yeah I really didn't remember this movie at all I know that we did see it when we were kids but it was not one that stuck or one that we revisited a lot as far as I remember um

I'll be honest, Maximum Overdrive did kind of have me in the mood for a little bit of trash and I knew the reputation. And so I was I was a little excited to explore that. I think the issue here is that. Anaconda takes itself too seriously. I think that that is its fatal flaw for me. There are so many moments of pure hilariousness.

As you said, T, in your intro, unintentionally, there are... facial expressions there are line readings there are accents there are shrieking snakes there are so many moments where you're like what the fuck am i watching but at the end of the day they're like No, this is a fucking action thriller horror film. yeah it's like no like you you have to know right like you you have to know it's like they didn't get the memo yes for their own movie exactly i feel like if

I don't even know if there were any way to just lean into the ridiculousness. I feel like I would have enjoyed it a little bit more. I think that it just takes itself too seriously for how ridiculous it can be at times. Having said that, I will give it, it has a clear intent with the plot. I understand the story. It is not convoluted. Maybe a character or two might be. Yeah.

uh it's like no we're going out here to do this thing and now this is happening okay i get it maximum overdrive we were struggling a little bit with with all aspects of it so it's like i can't even like you said it's not quite a so bad it's good did this get made oh my god blah blah it's not that bad but it's bad enough to not be good if that makes sense

But yeah, this was just a wild one to explore. And I did, like you said, I agree. I did get enjoyment out of it as well. But not the kind of enjoyment that I think they wanted me to get. No, I definitely have to agree with you. And I just want to say off the top, I am a little under the weather. You can probably hear it. But we're going to press on. Just a little bit.

But no, I think that's my biggest problem with this film is the fact that they don't lean into that humor. Right. There is one character that literally I think every moment he's on screen. it's confounding that this is not considered a comedy horror film. Yes, yes. Because every choice made, every random shot that we just randomly see, there are cutaways. Mm-hmm.

For no good reason other than to make me laugh, I feel. Yeah. Yeah. When you got here today, I was like, what was the direction? I'm just really confused as to how this ended up on the screen. Yeah. And I was thinking as well. Because I was trying to remember, I know we had to have watched this as kids. Yeah. But it just, I guess, didn't stick with me. Watching it this time around as an adult for the show.

I think that there are a few things that I do appreciate about it. I do like some of the effects work that goes into it. I think that some of the effects work is like distractingly bad as well. So it's a lot of hit or miss. it's that and I because there are animatronics involved yeah and I I love that but yeah it's like you said some things we weren't ready for no and y'all did it anyway and i and i admire i admire the ambition but it is extremely distracting like to the point of

Oh, that's funny. Yeah. Like I should be scared right now, but that looks hilarious. I, but I feel like if we would, we, if they would, I was 13. Don't blame me. I do feel like, though, if they would have leaned into it, this would have needed to change. Oh, of course. What's going on? We've got to change what's happening here. I feel like if they were to lean into it, maybe just...

a bit of the way that it's shot would change. Okay. Because a lot of the stuff that's there, it's like, no, you can leave all that in. Well, because it's funny. Yeah. But it's not supposed to be. No.

So it is like a really wild experience to watch. Yeah. But also I feel like that might be why like at least now I don't really know how I feel about this film. Right. Yeah. It feels like a film that I. kind of just digest and forget about it i don't know just move on with your life yeah just slither on but back to that like

hit or miss kind of a situation, the cast is really decent. But then there's choices in performances that are very strange. There are really good scenic shots of the amazon yes that are gorgeous yeah but then there's shots to where we are the snake when we shouldn't be

There's a lot of choices. Yeah. And there's some really strange editing going on in this film. Yes. There is one sequence in particular that I'll bring up towards the end of the film that it's like, oh, what the hell were you thinking? I don't know if you caught it, but I had to go back because I'm like, there's no fucking way that I just saw this. I don't know, but I'm excited. It's going to be fun.

But I think, truthfully, a lot of the enjoyment that I got out of this film was kind of in spite of this film. Yeah. But before we get into the plot, I would like to talk a little bit about the production of the film. When it comes to this portion, I am used to having a lot of sources, but the sources for Anaconda were pretty scarce. Okay. So all of this information that I'm about to share comes directly from the production notes. Okay.

But Anaconda was apparently the first project ever brought to the screen by a company called Cinema Line Films Corporation. And... According to my research, it also might have been the last. Oh. But I don't understand. I couldn't find any other film listed anytime that this company's name is put online. Yeah. It's just Anaconda. The only film. Yeah. So I don't know if they got swallowed up by a larger company, no pun intended. Or by a really big company.

But the president of production slash executive producer of Anaconda, Susan Ruskin, found the script for the film and fell in love with it immediately. And the reason that she did is because of the way that it combined horror and action adventure. But after reading it, she brought the script to another producer, Verna Hanna, who felt the same excitement and intrigue for it. Okay.

There was a quote from her that kind of made me laugh a little bit because of her reason why she enjoyed the script so much. She said, people like to be afraid so long as they know they're safe. oh yeah which yeah that's she's like so we won't actually we're not gonna put a real snake in the theater right i hope not just

Oh, then that'd be fine. They'll love it. They're going to love this. I'll finance it, yeah. But aside from that reasoning, the other major appeal for them was the fact that the creature in the film isn't a creation of science fiction. but it actually exists in the real world. Yeah. And they also saw the idea of the anaconda evoking kind of a primal fear in people while also possessing some religious connotations.

Primal Fear is a great film. It is. But go on. But then again, there is like a bit of shoehorned stuff. That you're like, I wonder if that was a producer's. Right. You know, because it doesn't really fit. No. Yeah. I mean, I get snakes are in there. Yeah. That's where they live. Yeah. But anyway.

They had a first look deal with Columbia Pictures. And so once they decided that this was the project they wanted to work on, they brought it to them and they were ready to move forward with finding a director after it was greenlit. Okay. So this is where Luis Yosa enters. And interestingly, he had experience filming three feature films in a jungle environment already. Huh. And so you put that with.

what they thought of his creative vision for anaconda and he's it's a no-brainer to hire him yeah i will say you know whatever picking we do about the film it is not the setting or location oh no no any of that no no the way they use the location yeah it's pretty impressive yeah but they also appreciated the fact that he held a lot of the same ideas that attracted them to the project

But he mentioned that he was also interested in the human component of it, as well as dealing with the idea of a villain. And we'll meet, you know. We will. But he also was excited just for the simple fact of getting to film once again in the Amazon. Yeah. And that's the thing that really impressed me a lot is that much of the film actually was shot in the Amazon.

That's wild as fuck. That's really cool. Because it does, like you were saying, it looks beautiful. It does. There are some shots that watching it, I was like, that looks fucking amazing. Yeah. But they said it was shot around the river city of Manao, which is interestingly mentioned in the film. Yeah. So they're talking about where they actually are. Okay.

But they were meant to film in the fall of 1995. But the weather prevented them from doing this because I guess the region had the worst drought they had had in 80 years. God damn. And so water levels in the. Amazon, they had said dropped about the height of a three story building. Holy shit. And so obviously a film that takes place on the water. Yeah. Not possible.

and so we didn't take that as a sign that maybe maybe we should retool this screenplay a little bit or use these two years no they're like let's just wait for the let's just keep what we have yeah exactly the same But it wasn't until the following April in the spring when the rain came. that they were able to film as planned. So they get their cast assembled. They get a crew of about 200. Damn. Which was apparently the largest American crew to film in the area at the time ever. Oh, wow.

And in the process of making the film, they faced weather difficulties, environmental difficulties. But it was with local resources and the help of governmental agencies that they were able to accomplish everything that they set out to do. Yeah. They had spoken. I think it was the Brazilian military that helped them out like beyond what they even anticipated. Yeah. But after they had filmed there, they actually finished filming in California. Huh.

And I'll tell you when we get to California in the film because it's honestly, you can't tell. No. I was trying to think. Yeah. Yeah. But after the film is released, the critics were not kind. What? Yeah. And we'll talk about that too. We'll also be critics who may not be. But it was nominated for several Razzies, which, fuck the Razzies, by the way. Yeah. But it was a box office hit. So it defied all of that critical reception. It made, I think, over $100 million. Damn!

It spawned four sequels, a crossover film with Lake Placid. Okay. Okay. And there's going to be a reboot. I think it's Jack Black and Paul Rudd coming out later this year. Okay. Yeah, I don't know. Well, that seems more in tone with what this could have been. True. Well, Jon Voight's still free. Yeah.

Now, before we devour this film, we would like to issue a warning for spoilers. Podmortem is a very in-depth podcast, and in thoroughly discussing horror films, we have no choice but to spoil a thing or two. If you don't wish to be spoiled... Please go watch the film, then come back and enjoy the show. If you've already seen the film or don't care about spoilers, let's hunt our prey.

So the film begins with pounding percussion, accompanied by a tense and ominous orchestra, as against a black background, orange text crawls upward, which reads... Tales of the monstrous man-eating anacondas have been recounted for centuries by tribespeople of the Amazon basin, some of whom are said to worship these great snakes. Anacondas are among the most ferocious and enormous creatures on Earth, growing in certain cases as long as 40 feet.

Unique among snakes, they're not satisfied after eating a victim. They'll regurgitate their prey in order to kill and eat again. That's a lot, Robin. Yeah. Thank you for the crash course on anacondas. I do appreciate it. But I got to say, after last week, I was a little gun shy seeing a text crawl. One thing I will say, just like five seconds of research. That's not true.

Yeah. And it's really odd. Why do we add that in there? I think because of one thing that we see at the end. Yeah. I got up and left. Yeah. It has to be for that. Yeah. But the opening credits continue in bold text until, rising briefly from below, we get the title, Anaconda, before fading away. But when we return...

We're gliding over the wide and expansive Amazon River. The gorgeous glow of sunset reflected radiantly across the water, with innumerable islands and vast vegetation silhouetted against the encroaching dark. As the opening credits continue, a peaceful flute sings in the score over serene shots of surrounding nature before sinister strings descend and the percussion picks up once again.

But the camera then slinks around the branches at the river's edge and focuses through them on a boat resting in the body of water. Lights flicker in the windows as the frantic voice of the poacher, played by Danny Trejo, is heard outside. What are you doing here? I was so shocked. Let me be clear. I'm always thrilled to see Danny Trejo always. But yeah, I was not expecting this and seeing him at the very beginning like this. I was feeling like maybe we're not going to see very much of him.

I remembered this. I didn't remember that it was him. So seeing it, I was like. what the fuck? And it was the same thing. I was like, oh yeah, I know he's not. But we find him seated in front of a cluttered desk inside. the low light of a lamp pulsing at his left, and a radio clenched in his hand as he calls for help over the airwaves in English and in Portuguese.

Covered in a sheen of nervous sweat, he taps the call box as he pleads and begs for someone to respond. But outside, we hover above the water surrounding the shack. creeping closer and closer as the score grows ever more suspenseful. But inside, an array of animals lose their minds inside of their cages.

A small monkey howls with its hands clenched against the wall of its cage, while a collection of colorful birds shriek wildly, their wings flapping fruitlessly for an escape. But the poacher continues his calls on the radio. But his shouts for help are interrupted when something charges the hull of his boat from the outside, causing it to rock uneasily in the open water. Unable to get through to anyone on the radio,

The poacher stands, only for the boat to be knocked again by an unseen assailant. Fear filling his face, the poacher reaches for a revolver and a hammer resting on a small shelf at the side of his desk. Just above the shelf rests a newspaper clipping where above the article, a group of men that we don't see close enough yet are posed for a photo with a large reptile wrapped around their arms.

The headline reads, looking for anacondas in Portuguese. Okay. And we will come back. Yes, we will. We sure will. But the poacher rushes for a narrow door at the wall of his cabin, nailing a jagged plank of wood across it to bar any intruder from entering. He secures it properly, but as soon as he turns around, the floorboards beneath his feet burst upward. The nails once holding them in place launched eye level in slow motion, but the poacher is only able to watch in disbelief.

The pounding continues, the force splintering the wood and causing the poacher to knock his head on the ceiling of the cabin. He returns to the ground, water sloshing at his boots as he tears the barricade open, racing outside, and after clattering to the floor in a frenzied heap, he reaches his feet, climbing a ladder to the deck. I know the movies.

Anaconda. You know, we've already told us what it is. Well, we don't know yet. But we don't know right now what's going on. But for that thing to launch him up like that, how big is whatever that's, you know what I mean? Pretty big. Yeah. And doesn't this feel oddly personal? Oh yeah, it's pissed. A little bit. Yeah. But he fires a warning shot at his unseen pursuer before pulling himself up to the top of the mast at the center of his ship.

He clings to the pole, clutching his revolver as the camera encircles him, the music rising tensely as he glances fearfully over his shoulder. But we face him head on. A look of resolve resting in his weary eyes as he clenches his teeth, and instead of defending himself against his predator, the poacher points the barrel of his gun to his temple.

Through the surrounding trees, a gunshot echoes over the water and we fade to black. God damn. Yeah. So that's a wrap on Danny Trejo. Yes. Which is disappointing. Yeah. Very. But I mean, if we're talking about setting up something to be feared. Right, right. We know what we're dealing with here. It's something so formidable that you don't even want to face it. Yeah. I know that it was a long time ago, but I've been thinking.

Did that say that it eats its prey and then regurgitates it to kill it and eat it again? That's exactly what it's already. dead like i mean throw me up and eat me again i'm already dead i'm not there like that's just really funny like to add that into say it in such a ridiculous way you're just floating over and embarrassed as a ghost oh my god again but it really doesn't even make any sense why would the snake even want to do that

Fun. Yeah, I don't know. Snakes love it. That's how fucking evil it is. It's like, dude, this is ridiculous. You're off to a bad start. I think it's that. But when we fade back in, it's evening. The camera climbs a tall structure through the dark, its random illuminated windows the only source of light, as we get on-screen text reading. Adio Jungle Hotel, Brazil, deep in the Amazon.

Inside one of the rooms, we find Terry Flores, played by Jennifer Lopez, seated at a desk in her white nightgown, the glow of her state-of-the-art computer screen cast against her face. Tom Paul's favorite. We talked about her in the cell. We did. You sound so disappointed. And that's all we need to say. That was enough. And it was a state of the art computer. They're doing their best. Yeah.

But Terry's research of native customs is interrupted by the loud shriek of a nearby bird. And as she raises her head, puzzled, we're taken back outside. The hotel reflected in the rippling and recently disturbed water.

as the music and the score honestly kind of overreacts to what we're seeing. I don't understand. Are we supposed to think that the Anaconda has traced... them back to the hotel it's not even the same group i don't know what we're supposed to be doing i don't know we're just supposed to be afraid okay yeah as long as we're safe then we'll make the picture But Terry just returns to her work, jotting down notes on a nearby pad under the light of her lamp. But a brisk knock at the door startles her.

And as she reaches for a gray sweater to throw over her nightclothes, a sly smile stretches across her face. She opens the door to her room to find Dr. Stephen Kale, played by Eric Stoltz, standing outside. Eric Stoltz. He was in Mask in 85. The Butterfly Effect in 04. And I found something really interesting that I kind of was like, huh, it says that he was Marty McFly and back to the future. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Okay. It's a whole thing. Yeah. I think he was.

the first marty mcfly okay if i'm not mistaken they filmed with him for like a month or something and then they were like never mind and they recast him that's crazy I would never act again. No, I would be so depressed and upset. That is so... devastating yeah just take it away yeah i just always think whenever i see him of pulp fiction me too prank caller prank caller that's all i think he was so good

But dressed in khaki with a leather backpack slung over his shoulders, he addresses her, Miss Flores? She smiles in return, Professor Kale, as she invites him inside.

As he makes his way past her and into the room, Kale shares that he arrived a couple days ago, and he says that he's already talked to a couple of guides in hope that they might know the whereabouts of their tribe. Closing the door behind him, Terry asks if he had any luck, but Kale sets down his backpack, unzipping it to retrieve a folded map, as he reveals that there's reason enough to suspect that the tribe is definitely out there and can be found and studied.

And he adds with a smirk, at least that's what I told the Grant people, which is pretty wild. And never comes up again. Nah, we got bigger fish or snakes to fry or whatever. And what if I don't want to be found? Leave me alone. Honestly. Literally, though. But Kale sets the map down on a table at the center of the room. pointing out where the guide told him that he might be able to find this tribe, noting that between two tributaries, the guide found one of their markers.

Terry is pleased to hear this, taking a seat in one of the chairs at the side of the table, and Kale agrees, commenting that he thinks they might have a chance here. Terry puts it simply, you get me there and I'll shoot it. which is exactly what Kale is counting on, reminding Terry that that's why he hired her.

Terry expresses her gratitude for the opportunity, and as Cale takes a seat on an adjacent couch, casually resting his arm against the top of the cushion, he smiles that he wanted the best director he could get. Seemingly sharing a moment as they make eye contact, Cale posits that he thinks they'll make a good team. But as he lifts his leg to rest his boot on the coffee table,

Terry notices a large stain of mud at the knee of Kale's pants and asks him what happened. Kale brushes it off as just a small attack of piranha, adding that he barely escaped with his life. Terry chuckles. And that's the abrupt end of that scene. Yeah. I was like, can we learn a little bit more? Where were they? Like, should I be concerned? No shit. Yeah. Seeing these two together, meeting them, it's like, okay, it's a documentary situation going on.

which is cool and this is clearly our will they won't they couple like to me they've just met they're clearly attracted to each other like how is this going to develop as the film goes on right And that is something, too, that I noticed as well in the scene. But again, I... It's been a long time since I watched the movie. So watching it, my thought is the same thing. Ooh, you guys, you know, y'all want to hook up? Yeah. Because it does seem very flirty. We were working. Work.

i know you through work uh-huh and we're professor and miss you know what i mean it's flirty but like we don't know each other like that that's what i thought that's what yeah yeah the way they made it seem yeah but the following morning We find the Micaela-1, a beaten-down trawler vessel, rusted and worn with age, sailing swiftly through the water and towards a dock. Once the boat is docked, Kale climbs aboard, ascending the levels to reach the helm.

But back on the dock, Terry greets Danny Rich, her cameraman played by Ice Cube, who spies the vessel jovially through an eyepiece. It's Ice Cube. You know what I mean? I couldn't believe it. Honestly, I think that he probably, in my view, gives the best performance in the film. Yeah. He does a really good job. Yeah. Everybody else is, well, not everybody else is a little rude. A couple of people. A couple of people.

But Terry remarks that he's up early and Danny shares the reason why. Today's a good day. I was like, well, I see what y'all are doing and I'm not mad at it in the slightest. Fiddling with a toothpick in his mouth, Danny adds that it's not every day that his homegirl from the SC gets to direct her own documentary. Flashing a grin, he asks Terry if she's ready. Somewhat unconvincingly, Terry replies that she thinks so. In a poor edit or lack of proper coverage, Danny has now turned 90 degrees.

Two-Face Terry to give her a hug and congratulate her. This happens a lot, man. No, yeah. It's really weird. The pair share a joyous laugh, but their celebration is interrupted by Cale, who from the deck of the ship calls out to Mateo, played by Vincent Castellanos. Vincent Castellanos. This man, I know we talked about him in Mulholland Drive. Yeah. And I recognized him immediately. You did. Oh, that's Mateo.

But Danny, after taking a glance over at Kale, jokes that he sees that Terry has made this a pleasure cruise. But as they both grab their equipment and head for the boat, Terry retorts that Danny knows her. She doesn't mix business with pleasure. Yeah. We'll see about that. Yeah. Literally one night later. But on the deck. Kale draws Mateo's focus to his unfolded map and suggests a route they could take.

Mateo, however, disregards Kale's suggestion and instead points out the proper path to take, noting that if they don't take this path, he can't be held responsible. Which is a fucking wild thing to say as the ship's captain. Yeah. But he mutters something in Portuguese, and Cale accepts this redirection, noting that it's only 55 kilometers out of the way, which shouldn't be a problem.

But he agrees that it's better to be safe than sorry, and after stashing his glasses in his shirt pocket, he beckons Mateo to pass him a pack of cigarettes. As he fishes one from the pack and places it into his mouth, Terry reaches the deck of the ship. After making sure that Mateo can understand her, she asks if he can drift over to a nearby channel so that she can get some shots for the documentary.

Mateo looks her up and down, somewhat flirtatiously, as he answers, As you say, Chefe. But as he returns to the helm, Terry hands Kale a rolled-up piece of paper for his approval. As he unrolls it and peruses it, Terry asks where someone called Westridge is, commenting that she knows that he already checked in. Cale assumes Westridge is probably catching up on his beauty sleep.

But almost on cue, Warren Westridge, played by Jonathan Hyde, shouts haughtily at an uncredited deckhand who is carrying his belongings. Careful! He warns the deckhand. Bordeaux! Fragile. Expensive wine. The deckhand continues on, but Westridge, clutching two large leather suitcases, stops on the staircase, exclaiming, Christ! But his demeanor softens when he notices Kale and Terry on the deck, bidding them a gentlemanly good morning. So he's an asshole. Yeah, clearly.

This was an interesting introduction. I feel like this whole setup right here where we're meeting everybody, it's like, okay, we're learning their personality, we're learning how they know everybody, and we're learning their job. Yeah. And this continues for every character. Well, we're going to be on... his boat yeah it's like let's get all of it out of the way jonathan hyde this man i i know i've seen him all the time uh he was in richie rich in 94

jumanji in 95 jumanji and titanic in 97 oh wow and i don't know the life of me i don't know how many times i've watched jumanji and then it dawned on me one day when i was watching it i was like oh the hunter is his dad i was like what the hell yeah I was like, it's just him and makeup. That's pretty wild, isn't this? This is also 97. So he did Anaconda and Titanic the same year. Oh, wow.

wildly different. A little bit of this. That's rain. But Kale returns the greeting as he lights his cigarette and asks how Westridge's flight was. Westridge grouses that it was a bloody nightmare. An ongoing one, actually. At the dock, Westridge bumps into Denise Kohlberg, played by Carrie Wurer, who's going over the inventory for the camera equipment.

So Carrie were. Yes. I did not recognize. We've talked about her before. I did not recognize who she was until I looked her up and then I felt very, I want to say foolish a little. We talked about her in Thinner. That's right! The cinematic masterpiece, Thinner. Thinner. yeah just thinner is fine no yeah that's fine we talked about her in thinner she also did eight-legged freaks oh okay the whole time you were talking i felt like the kid in that meme that's like about to burst

But Westridge drops his suitcases in front of her, demanding, stow these in my room, will you? But Denise responds incredulously. And she informs Weldridge that she isn't the bellhop. She's the production manager. Oh, okay. Westridge doubles down, asserting that certainly Denise could manage his things into his room. That's crazy as fuck. It's like good wordplay, but no. No, man, it's just foot in your ass. It's rude as fuck. She returns to her inventory, noting one pompous ass. Yes.

But she walks over to a table on the deck where Gary Dixon, played by Owen Wilson, sits in the midst of his own inventory. Wow. I forgot. I don't know. My mind blocked completely out that he was in this movie. And I'm trying to think of Owen Wilson's career at 1997. At this time, yeah. Because just the inclusion of him, you're like, oh, so yeah, this is going to be a comedy. Yes. But no. But yeah, maybe not yet. Yeah.

But Gary jokes that in some cultures, it's a sign of friendship and respect when someone cares enough to ask you to carry their bags. Denise just brandishes her middle finger, remarking to Gary, respect this, sound man. So he's the sound man. And I'm the production director. This is when I realized the writing's not great. Because it literally is even from Terry at the beginning. She's like, hey, professor. And he's like, you're the director.

and then all of this here it's like what happened to show don't tell man it's gone okay okay and he's like my homegirl from it's like okay But Denise gives Gary a playful push, tussling his hair as he relents that it wasn't him who said that. But Terry descends the vessel to introduce herself to Westridge, who removes his hat respectfully to shake her hand.

He says that it's a pleasure to meet her and shares that Cale lent him some of Terry's short films. He states that they were, and after mulling it over, he condescendingly decides on, very promising. Oh, thank you. Terry attempts to continue this conversation, but Westridge parks his hat back onto his head, seizing his bags as he exclaims, God, it's hot.

Are we exactly on the equator? That's just me here, though. Yeah, I know. I can't be mad at him for that. And they are very close to the equator. I did look it up. Yeah. Okay. I'm like, are we on the surface of the fucking sun? It's hot here. It's too hot. It's too hot. Terry remarks mostly to herself. Welcome aboard, I guess. But Kale, having witnessed the exchange, says that he thinks that Westridge likes her, and Terry responds sarcastically, Oh, you felt that too?

But she walks off, and Kale, the genius that he is, lifts an oxygen tank, the nozzle of which basically touches the level of his lit cigarette. but nobody says anything about this it's fine don't embarrass him But Danny, who's taken a seat at the stern of the ship, grins that Kale looks like a low-budget ass Jacques Cousteau.

Kale responds jovially in French, which Danny doesn't understand a word of, but the men shake hands with Kale telling Danny that it's good to see him. So they do have like a clear history. Yeah, it kind of seems that way. If they've all worked together, he knows him enough to greet the cameraman with this kind of a, you know? Yeah. But Mateo exits the wheelhouse, calling out to Kale and telling him that he's ready to embark on the Rio Negro.

Kale tosses his cigarette off the side of the ship, gathering the attention of the group, and suggesting that they double-check their gear, make sure that everything is on board, and pray that they didn't forget their bug spray. The music swells in the score as the Micaela One undocks and sets sail for the Rio Negro. That's cool and all. And I know you mentioned it a bit a minute ago.

And I'm sure these professionals know what they're doing. This boat seems a little unsafe. Oh, yeah. Maybe a little outdated. Maybe even 97. Can we get some walls on the side? no i think we're like i think they're just like empty barrels underneath or oh i'm the yeah for the yeah it's concerning for sure

I did want to talk about the boats that they used for this film, actually. Okay. I read in the production notes that they apparently built this, the Micaela One, from the ground up for the production. Wow. Okay. That's impressive.

because it really does look lived in and used up and rusted out. And I think that's what impressed me the most is I would think that this is just an old boat that they found in the area. Yeah. But in reality, they did use and utilize a lot of old... boats that they found in the area but it was for the purpose of adding

Kind of. I mean, when you're thinking about filming on a river as opposed to filming in a soundstage, you need to have places for props. You need to have places for equipment and everything. Yeah. And so they found all these old boats and just repurposed them. as like storage. That's brilliant. And they also...

created barges for floor space for all of the crew members. Oh, okay. And so that's the old boats that they use, but this one is just completely brand new built from the ground up to look old. It does. It looks good. They did a great job. But we find the ship coasting through the expansive river, our crew surveying their surroundings from the deck.

Denise and Gary rest casually on the roof of the wheelhouse as if they're sunbathing, while Kale joins Terry, who rests against the railing on the edge of the ship's second level. Westridge, however, passes Danny on the deck to enter the cabin on the first level, and we hear him in voiceover as he recounts over the triumphant strings in the score.

Our adventure begins 1,000 miles from the mouth of the mighty Amazon, deep in the heart of the rainforest. He has a great documentarian voice. He does. I will give him that. He was acting a fucking fool earlier, but... I see why they brought him on this expedition. And I will say, I didn't really grasp what his purpose was yet because he was the only one that they didn't give. That's true. I was like, is this his fucking diary? Like, what's going on?

But as the camera hovers above the vessel and it makes its way through vegetation, Westridge continues that from here... They will travel by river barge up through shallow tributaries and unexplored backwaters in search of the elusive people of the mist. The Shirashama tribe, one of the last great mysteries of the rainforest.

The shot fades to reveal Westridge performing a scripted stand-up for a portion of Terry's documentary as she stands behind Danny on the deck who follows Westridge with his camera. Gary arcs the boom mic out of the shot before holding it directly in front of the shot, undoubtedly ruining the shot. But the ship continues onward, through the mist rising from the river and under the watchful eye of an adorable monkey who sits perched on a nearby branch.

So most of as far as the wildlife that we see in the film, we've already seen some birds. We saw some monkeys earlier. A lot of it is snake based. Yeah. Every time we see these monkeys, though, it's very adorable. You know, the monkeys are so cute. But in the production notes, one of the producers was telling the story of, I guess, a monkey beat the shit out of her son on the set of this film while they were filming. What was he doing? Yeah, I don't know. But she then said.

She said that she later had to climb this tall tower to get cell service to call out. Yeah. And when she did, she said a monkey started fighting her. And she says that she thinks it was the same monkey. And it's a wild story. Is he like that elephant? They shouldn't have taken off his hat. That made him super smart.

Yeah. But after the scene is finished, we reconvene with Gary, who sits on the deck floor at the stern and is promptly joined by Denise, who sits next to him on a crate, crunching numbers on her calculator and jotting down the results on a yellow legal. pad. Gary looks over at her, wondering, is it just me, or does the jungle make you really, really horny? Denise jokes, oh no, I think it's the jungle.

Which is not an answer to his question. I don't know what that means. I don't know either. But I'm like, this is a pretty sweet gig for a guy with a jungle kink. But also keep it to yourself. Nobody asked for that. Sidebar, did you grasp that... their boyfriend and girlfriend not until later yeah yeah because apparently that's just it like from the start they are yeah i mean i i

assumed that later on but i was like no right now no not at all i was just like chill out dude like just trying to work but gary insists that he's serious claiming that he only has one thing on his mind Denise just smiles, motioning to her pad and asking Gary if she can just get back to work. But the pair are interrupted by a crash of thunder and a poorly rendered flash of lightning in the sky.

But before they know it, a heavy rain descends, blanketing the area in a torrential downpour as a whirling wind whips around them. This would be so beautiful and so terrifying. Oh yeah. From what I understand, they talked a lot about the weather kind of making it difficult to film here. So I don't know how much of the rain is just actual rain. Damn. Okay.

In the wheelhouse, Mateo navigates the ship as Danny documents it all on his camera with Terry at his side. But through the storm and a twisted mess of branches up ahead, the group hears a voice calling out. Help! Help me! I'm stranded! The camera pans from the stranded man's perspective, the ship's lights appearing through the rain as he waves a lantern underneath the safety of a tarp, shouting, My boat is stranded in the roots.

sucks dude i mean yeah sounds like a yp ever heard it too bad we're like at capacity man and all this seems super fucking suspicious as well like that really sucks Kale exits the cabin just as the ship rounds the bend, and we see the back half of the stranded boat poking out from the jagged roots. Danny watches through the eyepiece of his camera, directing Terry's attention to the screaming man, and Mateo raises his eyes from his controls to peer out of the wheelhouse window. But on the deck...

Kale, Denise, and Gary call out to Mateo, urging him to stop, and we finally see the stranded man head-on, waving the Micaelo I toward him as he cowers from the rain. He clutches a black bag of supplies in his other hand, and we see Paul Cerrone, played by Jon Voight. It's Angelina's dad. That's, yeah. It is. We leave it at that. We leave it at that.

Kale shouts over the storm, telling Saron that they'll bring him on board. And as the ship steers closer, Saron tosses his bag over to Kale to catch. His teeth gnashing. Saron steals himself to make the leap, landing on his feet in the arms of Gary, the two toppling to the deck floor. He jumped like a villain. That would be enough. Get off my boat.

That's the jump where you're about to have a knife fight. A thousand percent. Right? Nothing good has ever resulted from a jump like that. No. I don't like it. get off my butt you know that what is that like star trek battle music that they did oh yeah that's thriller that's not in my head it was the same Yes. We got there. Eventually. I'm trying to think of what it was. It doesn't matter. We paused for like five whole minutes.

Move on. All right. With Gary on top of him, Saron seizes his shoulders, rejoicing. Thank the Lord for you. Thank the Lord. Denise helps Gary to his feet as Kale and Terry join the proceedings, Terry asking Saron if he's alright. Saron sits up slightly, explaining that his boat's propeller tore off in the roots.

Cale breaks the news to Cerrone that they can't take him back to Manao because they're headed upriver, but this seems to be welcome news to Cerrone, who claims to know the people in the next village, and he says that they'll help him fix his boat. Westridge leans his head out of the cabin, eyeing Saron suspiciously as he sips a small cup of coffee.

Cerrone apologizes to the crew if he'll be trouble for them, but Kale assures him that there's no need to apologize as they're all at the mercy of their machines, and Cerrone's broke. Mateo then makes his way from the wheelhouse, leaning against the doorframe as he peers down at Saron, who looks up at him with a sneer that can only be described as villainous.

cartoonishly so yeah yeah and and that too his face was like oh that i think it's then i'm looking at you are you making that face yeah get off the boat and yes Nobody ever is like, what is that? Get the fuck out. Like, leave. They're like, we've got enough supplies for everyone. You see, we've got coffee. Westridge is drinking coffee. Would you like a cup, sir? But Mateo and Saron's seeming standoff is interrupted when Kale calls out, Mateo, vamonos.

Mateo receives the order but hesitates a moment before taking his eyes off of Cerrone and returning to the controls. I know that Mateo is not like part of our crew or whatever, but like he is. our guide he's the one driving the boat yeah i think i'd be like do you know have do you know him like have you seen him before yeah because they're literally staring at each other and they're just like all right let's go guys um

It is that it is a little suspicious that I wanted to go this way. You said, no, we have to go this way. We run into this dude and you guys are staring into each other's eyes. I'd be like, what? What is going on? Yeah, I also would question that. Yeah. What is this look? Are y'all falling in love or do you know each other? Are you going to fight? Yeah. What's happening? Honestly, the only thing missing is like a wink and a finger gun. Yeah.

Cerrone then reaches his feet, looking over at Westridge, still sneering as thunder crackles overhead and Westridge recedes back into the cabin. But we suddenly find the ship anchored in the river, the camera dipping down from the tall trees to find the crew assembled on the deck, watching Cerrone. who sits perched upon adjacent branches, a long spear clenched in both of his hands as he eyes the water below.

In a swift jab, Cerrone suddenly plunges the spear into the water, retrieving a wriggling fish from the depths of the river on its pointed end. He boasts, Fish! River style! And I laughed. It's from the river. Are we eating it? Like that? Jump in. But the crew stands impressed, Terry even commenting that they'll have to get that on film next time. But back on the ship, as Cerrone fillets his fresh catch with a sharp blade on a cutting board,

Terry asks, you ever work in a sushi bar, mister? This is when Saron introduces himself properly, and Kale asks where he hails from. Cerrone answers that he's from Paraguay and that he started out studying for the priesthood, but then he needed to see the real world, so he ended up in the jungle. He pounds the blade with a wooden log to crack through the bones of the fish as he adds, I seem to fit. Westridge wonders what a failed priest does in the jungle.

And Cerrone isn't so sure that he's failed, insisting that he didn't. And Westridge just smiles. I'm sure you didn't. Okay. This guy's fine. This is going to be awesome. Also, didn't you just shatter bones into the entire fish by doing that? That's ripper style. You got to crunch through some bones too. I don't prefer a river style. No, not really. But Kale, who sips from a cold glass of water, asks Saron what his calling is now, to which Saron replies, snakes.

Danny responds incredulously, and Cerrone explains that he catches them for zoos and collectors, whatever they want. But Terry has a more nefarious label for this occupation. Poaching. sarone counters that poaching is illegal but quickly changes the subject yeah that doesn't answer the question he's like don't call it that so that's what you're doing oh yeah But he asks Terry and the crew what they're hunting.

Westridge, uncorking his bottle of Bordeaux, corrects Saron that they're not hunting or trapping anything, with Kale adding that they're making a documentary on the Shirishama tribe, which inspires a grin from Saron, who asks, The people of the mist? Kale, who is now tightening the small screws of his sunglasses with a pocket knife, takes this to mean that Saron has heard of them. But Saron does him one better, answering that he's seen them.

This, of course, piques Kale's interest, and he asks if Cerrone can show him where this was. Cerrone, flipping the fish on the cutting board, succinctly offers... You people saved my life. It's the least I can do. And he adds that he'll show them exactly where he saw the tribe. I feel like the least you could do is stop glaring at everyone. I'd also appreciate you showing us work. Is that like a compliment sandwich? Yes. Stop sneering at everybody, but thank you. Thank you for offering.

Westridge, however, is unconvinced, sniding. So slurs every other river rat after five whiskeys in Manau. He urges Kale not to believe Saron. But Saron retorts that five whiskeys is merely breakfast on the river. That's drinking river style. We're learning a lot. But after her prep is complete, Denise asks Saron if salad goes well with fish, river style. And Saron smirks. A salad would be perfect.

Little baby bird. Get him off my butt. That's frightening. Yes. It is. It's very funny. Yes. It's like you're a fucking creep. yes and me and my brother used to say this to each other to bother each other because it's like come on that guy was a that you know you look at him yeah Something I did see this interview with Randy Edelman, the composer, and he had talked about how whenever he was scoring the film.

He said that he did, of course, you know, there are scenes of terror and thrills and everything just meeting the moment with the proper music. But he said that one thing that he saw in this film that nobody else seemed to see as far as the producers, the director or anyone. was that at least with Cerrone, the film's a fucking comedy.

And so he said that he a lot of times would punctuate Saron's scene with some like humorous thrill like frills. Yeah. Yeah. Because he's like, I see very clearly that this performance is meant to be hilarious. Right. But nobody else saw that. They're like, what are you talking about? Yeah. The man's frightening. No. That's why. It's ridiculous. I love that he's the only one that is like, wait. Yeah.

Are you guys joking? But he said he went to the premiere and like everybody was just like, no, this is very clearly like a thriller and action adventure horror. Like, oh, I got to make some. Excuse me. Don't show this film to me. But we cut to the Michaela one sailing off into the sunset as Tipsy Daisy by Ziggy Marley begins to play. While inside the cabin, Denise sways to the reggae rhythm as Gary rolls a joint and Danny lights one up himself while reclining in a hammock.

But out on the deck, it's a much different vibe, as Terry pours through documents in a binder, while seated at a table next to Kale, who works on his laptop. This is the second scene in the film where her nips are just blasting, which is so like very 90s. They did that all the time in the 90s. But I'm like, they really told Jennifer Lopez that she could leave her eyebrows at home. but make sure she packed her nips, which is really funny to me. It's all hips and nips. Otherwise, we're not eating.

But their workflow is interrupted when Kale notices an array of lights off in the distance, blinking brightly in the darkness, and he directs Terry's attention to it. They walk together toward the railing. Terry recognizing the nighttime anomaly as fireflies, and Kale admires them with her. As their small specks illuminate in the night sky, Kale comments, Family Lampiridae.

And he notes that on certain nights, they'll gather in the same tree and use their light flashes to announce their readiness to mate. The two smile at each other, and Terry wonders who flashes first, the males or the females. Kale answers that it's both. The females with a series of short, dainty, feminine little flashes about eight per second, and then the males respond with a series of long, drawn-out, manly flashes.

Terry mulls this over for a moment before admitting that she likes the sound of it. No pickup lines, no misunderstandings, just instinct and nature. The pair share a moment of silence before Kale reaches softly for Terry's shoulder as they lock eyes. He tells her sincerely, I missed you. And Terry softens, leaning in closer to kiss Kale, a kiss that continues and grows deeper and deeper. Oh! Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I guess we kind of already knew when they were flirting, but it wasn't. But not like, yeah, I miss you. Yeah, that's a that's a lot of history. Yeah. But through the dark. We spy the Micaela 1 in POV. It would have been fine to keep it there. But we then see the sinister scale-covered head of an anaconda poking through the vegetation. Oh. Yeah. This, again, it seems too personal. It's like that monkey. Yeah. It's River style. They take things very personally.

I had put in my notes from my script, I said they should have really taken notes from Jaws, not showing him too early, have it from POV and everything. Only coming to find out that the cinematographer for this film was Bill Butler, who shot Jaws. Oh, yeah. I actually have a pretty interesting quote about. really yeah that's odd that you mentioned that because i did not know that about the cinematographer now we we haven't seen any of these effects yet but we will and it was walt

that made the animatronic Anaconda. He did Free Willy, The Abyss, Flipper, Deep Blue Sea. Okay. Super accomplished. Like we said at the top, the animatronics are really fucking cool. Yeah. But I have this quote from him that I was like, oh, okay. In the days of Jaws, less was more because you didn't have the technology to show more. Today, 1997. Because of the great advances in visual effects technology, more can truly be more. You can show your monster and make it believable.

so that i just wanted to share that with the class not really the mentality i would have going into this no but it was an interesting take yeah i was like i'm writing that down hot take yeah hot one yes But taking cover behind an array of leaves, the anaconda slithers around the underbrush to find a slick black panther at the river's edge, munching on a small meal.

The panther lifts its head at the sound of movement, but upon noticing nothing in its vicinity, lowers its head again to continue eating. But suddenly... The long body of the snake wraps around the feline's torso, seizing and cinching around it as the camera twists around them wildly. The anaconda thrashes the poor cat, who hisses and struggles to no avail.

the life eventually squeezed out of it as it's dragged away through the rustling of dry leaves, and we press in on the panther's unfinished meal on the ground, a small piece of half-eaten fruit. No, I don't know why everything went black and white for one frame. No, I don't know the importance of the fruit. Yes, it was hilarious to get a reaction shot from the cat. That was great. He was very surprised. He was. He couldn't believe it. It was that for me. That's what reads comedic.

That's so funny. Come on. It is funny, but that's not what they were going for. That's what makes it. This is the show how fierce this thing is. It's like, no. That cat gasped. Yeah, he did. He wasn't expecting him. But the next morning, as Faux Life by Mac-10 blasts from a boombox, the sun rises over the crew of the Michaela One. with Denise, Gary, and Danny gathered on the deck with Westridge, who practices his golf swing on a strip of artificial green.

What we decided to pack for this trip is kind of wild. He had two very big suitcases, though. And I will say, I think Ice Cube... produced or co-wrote or maybe both this uh there they were in a super group west side connections fantastic the wonderful music mac 10s fucking great too so is dub c uh him and mac 10 haven't talked to each other for like 10 15 years oh damn i'm not really sure the story with the interview i watched of ice cube is some kind of disagreement and i guess things

We're taking the wrong way. But yeah, when they work together, it's magic. It's I wonder if it's his idea to include it on the soundtrack. Maybe he's like, no, no. I don't want that there. But when Westridge flubs a shot, he blames Danny's music and storms over frustrated to turn the volume down.

Danny, cleaning his fingernails with a pocket knife, scolds Westridge, warning him not to touch his music before he reaches over to turn it back up. Westridge just returns to the artificial green, but he suddenly has a change of heart. marching back over to the boombox to turn the volume down again, only to have his hand smacked by Danny. Incensed, Westridge places a hand on his hip, threatening that he could cheerfully hire someone to kill Danny.

A local tribesman, perhaps. Danny leans forward in his chair as Westridge adds that $50 should cover it. Your music is too loud. I could pay to have you killed. That was the escalation? Yeah. Okay. Danny counters that he could kill Westridge for free right now. miming the slicing of his throat with the pocket knife. I mean, they are here now. Yeah. Westeridge just storms off annoyed, muttering under his breath, you and whose army?

And Danny retorts, your mamas. Now, I feel like the snake is going to win because the crew is not united. But at the bow of the vessel. Terry approaches Saron, who stands there with his arms crossed, asking him if they're close to where he met the Shirishama tribe. Cerrone simply raises his hand to the path before them, assuring her in a half New York, half half assed Paraguayan accent that it's just around the bend. Thank you. This is where I have.

What is happening? I've been watching a lot of Real Housewives of New Jersey and I was getting that. I was getting New Orleans. It is all over the place. It's whatever he wants it to be. It varies from scene to scene. What direction were we given? What the hell is going on? They're just kind of letting him do whatever he wants. Be creepy. He needed to be real dead. But Terry is pleased to hear this, and we suddenly cut to a variety of vegetation lining the riverbank.

The camera rising above the slick bark of a tree to discover that the wood has been cleanly carved into the shape of a man's face with a large snake wrapped around his neck and the head of the slithering creature resting atop his.

scalp. Kale takes notice of this through his binoculars from the deck of the boat, remarking that it's a snake totem. As Danny rolls film on this discovery, Saron explains that this snake totem is Shirashama, informing the crew that the tribe worships giant snakes, anacondas, as gods and protectors. In a half-Italian, half-half-assed Paraguayan accent, Cerrone reveals that there's a legend they passed down of a journey to a sacred lake.

First, you must pass a waterfall protected by warrior snakes, and once you pass those guardians, you travel through the land of the Shirashama until you come to a wall so high that it blots out the sun. Kale takes over the tale from there. You follow that wall for five days, finally reaching its end, the head of a giant anaconda.

Saron seems impressed that Kale knows the story, and Kale calls it a beautiful legend, but condescendingly, as he returns to his binoculars, corrects Saron that it's actually a legend belonging to a different tribe. Cerrone insists that it also belongs to the Shirashama, but Kale once again disagrees. I really appreciated Kale chiming in here. He is the expert. Yeah.

And it really felt for a second like we're just blindly following Cerrone, who was never a part of these original plans. So the fact that he's like, no, I know what I'm talking about and I know where we're going. I know what we're doing. And you're incorrect. I really did appreciate that. And also I'm like, oh, so he's lying.

Or he's a fraud? Or like, what is happening here? No, he's lying. You got caught. Thrown off the boat. That's it. He should have been thrown off the boat at least five times. Yeah, just for looking at me like that. Yeah. No, you're gone. Cerrone, River style. Splash. But Saron takes the L on the chin.

directing the crew's attention up ahead, assuring them that though the river is high now, they should find the Shirishama just down this fork. He insists that he knows, as he traps snakes for a living. I should know I'm a poacher. Yeah. I mean. But Kale smiles. Sure that Saron is very good at that. But he reminds Saron that he locates tribes for a living. And he's very good at that. He crunched his face a little bit. Oh, yeah. But Kale agrees that the water level is high.

which by his calculations would lead him to believe that the area to the right would be flooded, forcing the tribe to seek higher ground to the left. When Mateo calls out from the wheelhouse, asking which way to go, Kale defies Cerrone's instructions and directs Mateo to the left. And speaking of giving direction, Terry assembles her crew in order to get a shot of Westridge in front of the snake totem.

As they line up the shot and Gary rolls sound, Cerrone walks away from Kale with Mateo eyeing him suspiciously from above. Terry calls action on the shot, and through the lens of Danny's camera, Westridge stands in the foreground with the totem over his shoulder, announcing that this is their first piece of luck, a Shirashama idol. He shares that it's the subject of some dispute.

But before he can continue, Cerrone marches directly in front of Westridge, blocking the shot, shouting defensively that he knows what he knows, and they can accept it or reject it. And then he asks to be left at the next village. I'll leave you at this village. Yeah. This is village river style. I like literally who the fuck do you think you are? Yeah.

Terry calls cut, which made me laugh because it's like, yeah, of course. Yeah, duh. But Saron walks toward the cabin and Westridge answers his request with pleasure. Terry turns to Kale, wondering what Saron's outburst was all about, and all Kale can do is shrug, but we watch as the trawler sails through the mist rising from the Amazon River. But that night...

Terry sits with Danny at a table on the deck, enclosed in a mosquito net. They're joined by Denise and Gary, who clutches a parabolic microphone, as Denise explains that they're going to head out to capture some wild sounds. Terry urges them to be careful as the couple exits out of the other side of the net and off the boat, but the camera pulls back, refocusing to reveal that inside the cabin, Cerrone relaxes in the hammock.

A sneer on his face that can only be described as villainous. I'm not sleeping with this guy here. No. Maybe he just always looks like that. I don't care. Get out. But out in the jungle as Gary takes a drag from his joint Denise guides their way with the beam of her flashlight. Once they reach a clearing.

Denise secures the flashlight between two branches as the whistling breeze, rhythmic bird songs, and the buzzing of various bugs encircle them harmoniously. Denise stands in awe of what she's hearing through her headset. I will say the whole point of this scene is to collect these natural sounds. Right, right. But the entire time that they're out here, the flute and the score is working overtime. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, can you? That's a natural sound. I guess, but goddamn.

But after a mere moment of work, Denise seems ready to get down to business. She's looking for another kind of anecdote. Oh, right. But so it is the jungle. Yeah. You're horny. He was like, I told you. Tearing the headphones from her ears, she chuckles as she beckons Gary closer. With very, I thought you'd never ask energy, Gary embraces her and the pair share a passionate kiss. But we arc around a nearby tree in a POV shot, just as the couple is getting hot and heavy.

But as the leaves behind them begin to rustle, Denise stops Gary, asking him if he heard it. Denise then answers the question that Gary didn't ask, telling him. The silence. He never said what. And it isn't silent at all because that flute is still on. Well, they can't hear that. We hear that. I guess. Right.

It is ridiculous. But again, for me, I didn't mind this because they are out there for sound. And for her to notice that the sound is gone. They're paying attention. Yeah, I was like, okay, okay. But suddenly, in a POV shot, something charges at them through the trees and the pair take off running. only to come face to face with Cerrone, who stands between branches, aiming through the sight of his rifle and pulling the trigger.

So we're obviously supposed to think that it was the anaconda. Yeah. Knocking about. Yeah. If you watch this film with subtitles, you do get sound descriptions like. boar roaring and boar shrieking i don't think i think it might not be the anaconda but back inside the boat's cabin The echo of gunfire tears Kale away from his laptop, and he arms himself with a revolver, loading it as he exits toward the deck. You know Kale keeps that thing on him.

He crosses through the mosquito net, an animalistic shriek emanating from nearby. It's a bore. But he's promptly joined by Mateo and Terry, who ask him what that sound was. But Kale doesn't know because he doesn't have the subtitles turned on. But as he aims his revolver into the trees, Danny and Westridge join the party.

At Kale's direction, Mateo shines a beaming spotlight toward the jungle, discovering Saron slinking through the trees, dragging the carcass of a boar behind him and back onto the boat. Maybe we shoot anyway. He was turning into a monster. But Saron is followed by Gary and Denise. And as he catches his breath, Saron notes that the couple are fortunate to be alive.

Gary can't contain his amazement at Saron's accurate shooting, and as the camera pushes in dramatically on Saron, he announces, Wild Boar! Great. River style or no? No, jungle style. He warns that it gores with its tusks and goes for the eyes. After Terry checks in with her crew, ensuring that they're all right, Kale institutes a new rule. From now on, everybody stays on board at night. No exceptions. Good rule. Yeah. Yeah.

And to his credit, Cerrone, in a half-Tony Montana impression, half-half-assed Paraguayan accent, tells Kale that it's a smart idea. But he then suggests to Mateo that they butcher the wild boar. noting that it could be food for a week. This confuses Danny, who asks, food?

Yeah. Yes. But that thing's got to be all tough, man. Probably. Running around out there. It's just trying to eat. It's probably got a family. And then you shot him. I mean, well, he shouldn't have attacked. He was doing a lot. He was doing a lot. He ruined their good time. Yeah, he did. All right. Yeah, you really. But it was dark. He didn't know what was happening. Going back to the Babadook. You're historically very against that.

But the following morning, we find the Micaela One in an overhead shot, sailing through the Amazon, as opera music bursts triumphant through Westridge's speakers as he successfully practices his golf swing. Kale shaves his face on the opposite side of the deck, guiding his razor in a handheld mirror as Cerrone hovers over Danny, Denise, and Gary who play cards at the center table. But suddenly... I rewound it one time or two because...

when that happened right before, uh, Saron looks back and then we cut to them getting stuck. So I almost was like, did he kick it over? And I didn't see, did he do this? But he does right before he looks back at something and then we get the next, you know, real quick to where the rope's cut. So I wonder if he was supposed to or if it like it doesn't.

I also feel like we get a lot of unnecessary reaction shots from him. Yeah. Like nothing is happening. We don't need to see them all. Okay. Always doing. The crew lurches forward from the impact of the abrupt stop, Westridge dramatically shouting at Mateo, Do you have any control of the ship? Lie if you must. I was like, calm down. Jesus Christ, we're all dealing with it. All of us. The drama is why we brought him here. You have to take the bad with the good.

Danny calls out to Mateo in a more productive manner, alerting him about the rope and the propeller. At this, Cerrone offers a very interested, hmm, guilty as hell. Yeah. But Mateo marches down to inspect the rope, and when he can't pull it loose with his bare hands, he curses. Kale wipes the remaining shaving cream from his face, realizing that he's going to have to cut them loose. But Cerrone stops him.

in a half Christopher Walken impression, half half-assed Paraguayan accent. He says that it's maybe better that he does it, adding that this river can kill you in a thousand ways. I'd want him to fix it, but I'd also be afraid he would rig the engine to explode when he needs it to. If anybody is going in that water, it should be him, but I also don't trust him to do it. And it's very odd that he's volunteering. Yes. That's suspicious.

Kale insists, though, that he can handle it. And Mateo cuts his eyes. And I don't know who he cuts his eyes at because the shot coverage is ridiculous and I can't tell. Yeah. Could go either way. Either it's at Saron's insistence or at Kale's confidence. Yeah. But Saron silently relents, but in a very suit yourself sort of way, as Kale gathers an oxygen tank in the scuba equipment.

As he suits up, he admits that the only thing he's really afraid of is the Condoru Aku, a tiny little catfish that swims up your urethra, finds a nice warm spot, spreads its thorny little spines, and refuses to... budge we just talked about this little rat bastard i think on inferno yeah yeah no no that's why i i will never get in some fucking water like this no no

Saron adds that you have to cut it out, and he mimes his fingers like scissors tasked to do the deed. This is enough for Danny, who announces that he's getting the hell back to L.A. Which would be me. Yeah, yeah. But we cut to Kale diving flippers first into the river. Tense music rises in the score as he swims his way over to the propeller at the other end of the boat, taking a knife to the twisted tangle of rope he finds there.

But before he can cut the blades free from the rope, he looks over his shoulder and we spy him in a POV shot through the murky water. I hated this. I was hoping for him to cut.

above the just not like right in the blades it felt a little too close to like giant garbage disposal for me yeah but I it made me very anxious for him i did not like that one bit he's like i'll just go directly into the center of these blades i'm like what are you doing on the deck Terry very leisurely collects her hair into a ponytail, wiping the sweat from the back of her neck before she can tie it up, but she lifts her eyes to discover with a musical sting.

That Cerrone is intently focused on her, his head tilted upward, sneering in a way that this time... can be described as both villainous and a bit lascivious. It's gross. Terry just continues putting her hair back, and Cerrone does not break his gaze. It was that for me. You lock eyes, usually they'll look away. He was like, no, I was looking and I want to continue to. Get him down in those blades.

But down below, the score oscillates around Kale, who is finally able to get the propeller loose from the rope. But suddenly, to plotting percussion, the professor begins to twist and writhe beneath the water, clutching his throat. His hands splash above the surface, alerting the crew to his plight, and when Terry rushes to the edge to dive into the water to Kale's rescue, she's stopped by Danny and Gary, who jump off the edge of the boat in her stead and swim for Kale.

Saron watches the proceedings from a distance. He's sneering. He's always sneering. Yeah. But the men reach Kale and carry him back to the boat. Terry, filled with fear and concern, urges the men to hurry and tells them to be careful as they lift Kale back onto the deck. Saron joins the fray, surrounding Kale with the rest of the crew.

telling Denise to grab a towel to rest under his head. Terry trembles tearfully that Kale isn't breathing, and when Mateo kneels by his side with the others, he notices that there's something in Kale's mouth. As they lift his jaw open, The waxy wings of a large insect protrude from between Kale's lips, and Mateo reaches in to pull it out, recognizing it as a wasp and adding dramatically, deadly, poisonous.

Clearly it's a death's head moth. It made me laugh because everybody is like horrified by this discovery. And Ice Cube goes, damn, what's that? A little more casual. Yeah, he's like, wow. That's crazy. But how'd that big ass thing get in your mouth without you noticing? Yeah. That, yeah. Dude, and also you had, yeah, that doesn't even make any sense because you had the scuba stuff. Exactly. But he was clutching his throat before he even got under the... Mm-hmm.

It's kind of explained later, but it's not. It's not at all explained. Kind of is so generous. I was going to say that. It's mentioned later. We'll say that it's explained in a the faculty kind of way. But recognizing the problem, Terry desperately seeks a solution as Kale still isn't breathing. But out of the corner of his eye, Cerrone spies a pin on a nearby desk, seizing it, unscrewing it, and securing the barrel of it.

He asks for alcohol, and Mateo pours whiskey from his flask onto Saron's pocket knife and the pilfered pen. I don't know if that's... Enough. Yeah. But I was surprised nobody is trying CPR. Like we're jumping to this immediately and letting this dude do it. I think that's what was a little weird for me after the scene plays out was just that. I'm also a little concerned that Mateo is driving us around with a flask of whiskey up there. Yeah. But that's because that could be why we're in this.

I did laugh because after watching Saron get this part of the pin, have his knife ready, they pour alcohol on both items. Terry holds Kale's head still and asks, what's that for? Yeah. Let's just get a dark picture real quick. But Saron readies the blade and Mateo pulls down the collar of Kale's shirt. Saron then sinks the blade in. perforating a small hole and securing the plastic pin tube inside of it, and we hear a rhythmic hissing sound from Kale's throat as he begins to breathe again.

Terry rejoices, kissing Kale's cheek as Cerrone assures her and the crew that Kale is going to be all right. Great. Now he's a fucking hero. Yeah. They bring Kale into the cabin, where he rests in bed as Terry and Denise dress his fresh wound. I know, again, we're talking about his face being stuck the same way and him being a villain. But this is what kind of it's like you did save him. He did. And it didn't seem like.

part of your plan it just seemed like you saved him to save him you weren't happy about it but you did it that's the thing is as this goes on i'm very confused as to what that was for yeah I think maybe. To gain trust? I would say trust and also control. Okay. Yeah, but just let him die. Well, but that's too far. Is it? Well, I don't know. This dude fucking sucks. Yeah, he does, and we'll learn more. But sometime later.

Terry returns to the deck from the cabin, and Danny descends the stairs from the wheelhouse to meet her as she joins up with the rest of the crew. She reports that Kale seems okay and that they should leave now, but Danny doubts this plan, reminding her that their radio doesn't work and that they have no communications. I was not aware of this. Yeah. No, that's true. When did that happen? At this point, I was just like, oh, okay. That sucks, man. Damn. This timing is terrible.

But Mateo grows defensive, telling Danny that he can't fix it, and as he goes on a diatribe in Portuguese, Cerrone clutches the tangle of rope that once bound the propeller in his fist, alerting the others that they can start the ship. now. But Mateo ends his annoyed rant with the word fog. And as the camera arcs around him and Cerrone, we see the boat is surrounded by an occluding mist.

But Cerrone insists that if they don't get Kael to a hospital soon, they might as well just throw him in the river. Dany can't believe what he's hearing, and suggests that the ship's lights will be enough to guide them through the fog. Terry agrees. In consulting the map, she directs Mateo to double back the way that they came. Cerrone warns, however, that fighting the current will add two days to their journey. He then drags his knife across a proposed path that he says will save them 50 miles.

Just want to point out that Paraguay uses the metric system and we've been... talking about kilometers the whole film i don't know why he said miles because he's from jersey and i don't know what he says but i have in my notes he had no accent at all with that But Terry recognizes Saron's route as the one they suggested that they take yesterday. And Saron admits that when he mentioned it yesterday, it was for a different reason. But now...

Their concern is getting Kale to a hospital as fast as possible. That makes no fucking sense. It doesn't. And he also doesn't explain what his other reason was. He just says that and everyone's like, yeah, it makes sense. for something else but terry accepts this as danny sidles up to her concerned about this new plan stating that he hopes that she knows what she's doing because he isn't so sure about sarone

Yeah. But Terry isn't so sure that she has a choice at all. Here's an option. It'll be a choice. Let's just ask Mateo. He's the fucking boat driver. He's doing this. We're paying him to... bring us out here uh-huh even he said if you take that route i can't guarantee so you know yeah what we're going into hey mateo it was it is it two days back or what do you think if we go through here what

he's just like where you want me to go yeah that's it and that is wild i make documentaries for a living yeah i don't know shit about the amazon absolutely not and the guy the guy that did is laid up now yeah But the ship ventures on through the night, its exterior lights carving a path through the foreboding fog. We get a shot of Cerrone standing on the deck of the ship beneath a red bulb.

while Terry keeps watch of the incapacitated Kale inside of the cabin. I have in my notes here that shot of him, the way that they keep showing him looking so cartoonishly evil. Either this is the most heavy handed villain ever, or it's a red herring and he's just a fucking weird guy. And we're going to find out later that he was trying to help.

and i would have enjoyed that more i think oh yeah because it's like it we know we get it from the second we meet him it's like this guy is bad yeah like It's too much. It's too much. Yeah. You didn't even try to hide it for a second. No. Make him endearing. Make him funny. Make something. I know he caught them that dinner, but he was still fucking weird then. Yeah. Like, give us something and then maybe slowly.

it's weird or he says something off or he keeps pushing for us to go down this tributary or something but it was just like right off the gate i knew literally from jump from that jump onto the boat you're bad yeah yeah but the next morning The camera finds the vessel sailing on, dipping down from high trees to discover a massive wooden barricade blocking their path ahead in the river. The crew assembled on the deck, Danny calls Terry over to assess the obstacle.

But she turns her attention to Cerrone, who's currently devouring a peach, sloppy style. And she asks him in annoyance, this is the river you know? I just want to say about the peach that Caster Troy would be proud. But go on. Cerrone admits that this is new, but he assures her that it's no cause for panic.

Terry retorts that she isn't panicking. She's just looking at a wall that's blocking this river that Cerrone knows. Retrieving some supplies from his pack, Cerrone suggests that they just see what they can do. Gary looks on like, what's all that stuff you're grabbing? Well, he sounds excited. No, but he does take notice of what Saron has stashed in his bag.

Sticks upon sticks of dynamite. He asks Saron if it's real, and Saron just offers that it's always good to be prepared. Danny wonders for what? and Terry is flabbergasted at what she's hearing from Saron, insisting that this barricade has to be there for a reason. Saron agrees, but is sure that it's just to keep them out. It's like, the reason is it's trying to stop us. It's like, well, yeah, but why? Obviously.

But Terry is more concerned about upsetting the ecological balance of the river by exploding dynamite. But Cerrone gives Terry a choice. Either he blows the dynamite in 10 minutes or they can turn around and lose two days. It's up to her. Terry thinks it over, but clearly loses the confidence of her crew, with Denise vaguely hinting her preference toward the dynamite, until Westridge makes it a little more obvious when he shouts, For God's sake, just blow the bloody thing!

Saron holds both of his hands up, a finger for each of the minutes that he claims to require. But he asks for a little help from the crew, and we then cut to Gary descending from a small dinghy.

with the sticks of dynamite in his possession as he swims through the water in front of the barricade why am i doing this i don't know Sarone stands on top of it, untangling the wire for the charges, but the camera dips down to the edge of the barricade, where within the wood, we see the neatly carved face of a man. And with a musical flourish, we discover that resting atop his head is the large and menacing face of an anaconda. Well, that's not...

That's not good. Yeah, I'm starting to think these are warning signs. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. I will say for this point, at this point in the film, I'm like, for a film fucking called Anaconda. When are we going to get to the fireworks? We're getting a lot more John Voight. But as Gary struggles to secure the dynamite beneath the barricade, something stalks him through the water, inching closer and closer.

But before it can get too close, Saron lifts Gary by his arm out of the water and onto the barricade. Gary trembles that there's something in the water, and Saron agrees. Gary then levels with Saron that he really means it. And Saron replies that he means it too. I thought he was going to throw him back in the water. Yeah. I...

I have in my notes, did anybody think he was going to say, so was I, and then drown him? Yeah. Because that's... the vibe and if he is telling you oh no yeah there's something in there maybe let's go share this with the crew it's like no we'll keep this to ourselves

But instead of him tossing him in the water, like we thought, we just see the pair riding safely back to the boat in the dinghy, the dynamite in the charges placed for the detonation with the fuses sizzling. When they make it back to the boat, They climb aboard to rejoin the crew, with Danny filming every moment for the documentary.

They all watch, Gary clinging to Denise's arm as the dynamite explodes, a ball of fire bursting and destroying the barricade, sending debris raining down all around and on top of the Micaela One. crushing their dinghy and sending several drums of fuel rolling into the river with Saron's stunt double unable to stop it. I spotted one later and I was cackling. I was like, that is not his face at all. But even worse, from the blast.

The deck is now covered in countless slithering snakes. And we know this because Danny looks around and shouts, these are snakes. Which, thank you. And can we throw him off yet? No, I guess not. As the crew recoils in horror, Cerrone offers reassuringly that the snakes are only babies. Terry asks how they're supposed to get them off the boat, and Cerrone begins to rally them, scooping them up in piles and tossing them back into the river, urging them to go back to their mama.

But as one slinks around a vine and turns to face Gary menacingly with a half-eaten frog in its mouth, Gary mutters that some of the snakes aren't babies. Mateo makes use of a hose to spray the snakes from the deck floor back into the river, but only succeeds partially as he seems to spray the feet of the crew more than the slithering intruders.

But Westridge attempts to remain calm in the crisis. But somehow, a small snake has wriggled around his wrist, unhinged its little jaw, and sunk its fangs into his index finger. He curses as he grips his wrist, and as Cerrone just stands there smiling at this, Terry urges him to help Westridge. Cerrone finally saunters over slowly as Westridge... clearly edited to take out the F-bomb screams for someone to get this bloody thing off of his freaking hand.

I saw this several times of the fuck word being replaced with freaking or like whatever. And I didn't even realize until I saw it so many times. Anacondas rated PG-13.

i mean i i okay yeah i can see that but i didn't i clearly that was not the original intention then no but we talked about that before trimming it down to make it more you know so more people can go and see it yeah but i think what we ended up with definitely a pg-13 movie right yeah i'd say so but westridge whips his hand back and forth to shake the creature free But Cerrone seizes his wrist, admiring the small snake cinched securely on his finger, remarking, so young and yet so lethal.

Westridge pleads in pain for Cerrone to get it off of him, and as strings trill in the score somewhat playfully, Cerrone finally plucks the snake off of Westridge's finger, tossing it casually into the river with a... Later, sweetie. what the hell yeah and nobody why doesn't anybody find it odd that he is just holding westridge and admiring it as the snake is fucking like what is going on i don't know

But Westridge clutches his injured finger and he accuses Cerrone of knowing that there were snakes in the water before the explosion. But Cerrone just calls it a pleasant surprise. Terry asks, what about the fuel? with Denise noting that there's only one drum left, which should be enough for 100 kilometers. So the containers just fell in the water? Yeah. Are we not going to retrieve them?

they're too heavy oh it's like the containers are wet we got it let's go yeah yeah i'm like i didn't see them pour out no i just saw them roll off the boat yeah but i i'm i'm not gonna lie i think that would be really heavy to try to pull all of those out i guess one person at a time well help get down there

Cerrone, still clearing the deck of snakes, acknowledges that the fuel will be enough for about a day, which we'll have to do. As he ascends the stairs toward the wheelhouse, Terry stands, distraught. But once again, the ship is spied through the fog in POV, and we see Cerrone manning the controls in the wheelhouse. We're then taken to the cabin, where Terry checks on Kale. holding his hand as he rests in bed, his neck bandaged with a small stain of blood and brewing it from his wound.

But Danny joins the pair, learning from Terry that Kale is breathing normally now, and Danny offers his reassurances that they'll get him home. But Terry sits puzzled. She asks, Cerrone is supposed to get them to a hospital, and he acts like he owns this river, and yet, they ran into a barrier full of snakes? Hmm. As Danny exhales sharply.

Terry wonders where Cerrone could be taking them. But we soon find the vessel floating through the Amazon, the camera climbing clumsily in a wide shot that I'm surprised made it into the film because it's very shaky. But as the ship ventures on, Cerrone, who has since ceded control of the ship back to Mateo off screen, I guess, peers over the starboard side of the deck. discovering the wreckage of another ship hidden behind a twisted mess of mangled branches.

He calls out for Mateo to stop the boat and the camera dips down from the other side to reveal within the wreckage rests a discarded revolver as well as scattered cages and the errant feathers of birds. fluttering in the breeze. Very interesting. Yeah. Cerrone readies a rifle as the crew gathers around him, with Terry confused as to why they need to stop the boat now.

Saron gestures to the boat across the water, noting that there could be fuel there for them to scavenge. Terry asks if he knows this boat, and Saron just responds that there are a lot of boats like that. That does not answer my question. And what would prompt Terry to even ask that, though? I don't know. Yeah, that's true. But Terry calls out to anyone who might be aboard the other ship, and when she gets no response, Cerrone fires a shot from his rifle into the air.

Westridge, though, sits idly by, a wet towel covering his head as he fans himself with his hat. His injured finger properly bandaged, he snidely remarks that he gets the distinct impression that there's nobody home. But with strings in the score rising suspensefully, Cerrone suggests that Mateo come with him to investigate, and Danny rushes for his camera to get it all on film. With his camera on his shoulder,

Danny follows Mateo and Saron through waist-high water and tangled trees until the trio reaches the wreckage of the ship. Danny lines up the shot from the water as Mateo and Saron ascend the deck. With his rifle in hand, Cerrone orders Mateo to go aft. But the camera swoops in from behind Danny, and the water ripples as he rushes to look over his shoulder.

But when he discovers nothing amiss, he just readjusts his equipment and continues filming. But in the cabin of the wrecked ship, we rediscover a very familiar newspaper clipping. Only this time. We press in on the photograph of the three men holding the large snake, close enough to finally recognize them. Why are two of them smiling and he's just making that same face? He's stuck. Well, we don't know who they are yet. It's just very funny. We were still anonymous.

I didn't say who it is. Like one of them is clearly evil. Villainous. Yes. Quite villainous. But the poacher stands at the center, clutching the body of the large reptile, but raising up the tail of the captured creature is none other than Mateo, and seizing the animal by the neck to hold up his head... we see the sneering face of Sarone. So what the fuck? Fuck off. Fuck off. That's this reveal. So stupid. So this is why, Mateo.

has been looking at him suspiciously but why to me no no when he got on the boat like just like you said he was looking at him suspiciously yes You guys are in cahoots and those were your poker faces? Yeah. Staring at each other from across the fucking boat? Take a lap. Take a lap. Terrible. My note is turn it off. Like even for me, that reveal. I know we've seen the piece of paper earlier or whatever, but we get this and it makes it weird.

Because, you know, I know I jumped ahead for a second, but two of them were smiling and he's doing the weird face. Yeah. But like you were saying.

I don't ever feel like him and Mateo knew each other. No, I don't ever feel like, like you're saying the way they looked at each other more was like, mateo you know ocular pat down he's like no you're um you look sketchy because i'm yes yes so i i know but yeah but then we see this and then like you're saying it is that weird so you guys work together or you know because it honestly feels like the way i'm reading it is mateo is a good guy

who's looking out for the rest of the crew, sees something suspicious in Cerrone that they don't see yet. It does not seem like, oh, there's my partner. Yeah. We staged this. Yeah. But the music tensely arpeggiating. Saron tears the clipping free from the wall, just before he's joined in the cabin by Danny, who has now climbed aboard the ship. Surveying the area, Danny assesses the place as spooky, and Saron simply asks,

You think so? Before quickly exiting the room. Danny, however, to his confusion, discovers the remains of a rifle, its barrel twisted, and its body splintered. But below deck... Sunlight pouring in through the wooden slats, Saron locates a locked chest, breaking it open with the help of a crowbar. He seems very pleased by what he finds inside.

but he quickly closes it again when Danny descends to meet him there. In the very tight quarters, Danny carefully maneuvers his camera around a corner, only to come face-to-face with Sarone in a slight jump scare.

Cerrone seeks Dany's help in carrying the chest back to their ship, but when he asks what's inside, Cerrone responds with a smile. Treasures. But Mateo, all alone, has found his way through the entrance of the cabin that the poacher escaped from, discovering the large hole that was bashed through the floor from below.

As he peers into its darkness, we return to Cerrone and Dany, who are lowering the treasure chest from the poacher's boat to carry it upon the surface of the water. I know that they're bad. Right. But like, isn't it kind of cute that the poacher had that picture of them up on the wall? I'm proud of us, man. That's cute. That was a big ass snake we caught. It was? Yeah.

It's just kind of cute to me. But again, too, if we're old buddies or whatever, you're still not acting like Mateo. No. Even if you're out here. It's just, hey, we're leaving. Yeah. That's it. And I gotta be honest, man, what even is the point of hijacking their boat for your purposes? You already have a boat. Yeah. You could just do it. Like, I don't understand why Saron even needs them. Yeah, that is such a good question. I don't understand that at all because I'm like, maybe if.

They know where to go and Sarone doesn't. Yes. But he's like, no, no, no. I did not even think about that. That literally makes no sense. But Danny warns Cerrone to be careful, as his camera is also inside of the chest now, and Cerrone heeds this warning, but he calls out to Mateo, alerting him that it's time to head back to the ship.

Mateo answers in a shout that he's coming, but in his attempt to climb off of the boat, he loses his footing and crash lands into the murky water. Danny and Cerrone continue toward the ship, none the wiser. as Mateo rises from the shallows, flinging the putrid water off of him as he curses. But before he can do much else,

And once again, missing a connecting shot, and I think violating that 180 degree rule that we learned about last week, Mateo suddenly stands facing the opposite direction. Yeah, yeah. Frozen in terror as a massive anaconda rests coiled on a log across from him. The large head of the snake snaps toward Mateo, seizing his shoulder in its jaws as it thrashes him in the water, whipping around him and pinning him to the log.

The snake squeezes the air from Mateo's lungs, leaving him whimpering and unable to scream to his crewmates for help. The anaconda turns to face Mateo, its tongue flickering as its strength snaps through the log, and it once again seizes Mateo in its giant jaw, but this time by the head, snapping his neck. You hate to see it. I love that they introduce...

Very quietly, Mateo is like a co-villain. And then they're like, it's fine, he's dead. Don't worry, guys. Just so we don't feel so bad about this. Dany and Cerrone, however, returned to the Micaela One, lifting their treasure onto the deck and explaining to the disappointment of the crew that there was no fuel to gather from the other ship. Terry asks where Mateo is, and Danny answers that he doesn't know, sure that he was just right behind them. But we return to Mateo.

who rests lifeless in the clutches of the anaconda, his head slumping forward with the broken bones of his neck unable to stay upright. The anaconda unhinges its jaw, hissing as its opened mouth inches closer to Mateo's scalp. But back at the boat, Danny, still standing in the water, overhears a distant splash and tells the group that he's going to go back to find Mateo. That confused me too because we hear that splash. Uh-huh. But I'm like, nobody heard all that.

screaming and hissing and yelping and growling and nobody heard any of that but the splash is like all right let me go find you know what i mean like what the hell wait but was that the splash of him falling in there or the Anaconda taking him down in the water. See, I don't know either because...

That already happened. No, I know. That's why I'm confused now. Yeah. It made me question. I don't know. I think some scenes got switched. Because it makes sense if like whenever it tackled him first. Right, right. That's when he hears the splash. okay but he's already tackled him he's eating him right now yeah Yeah, it's curtains for Mateo. And it's just now that it's like, was that water? Was that a water sound? Let me go investigate. And so weird to hear a water sound in the Amazon River.

Terry urges Saron, who is already back on the deck, to go with Danny to search for Mateo. But Saron just shrugs, offering maybe some other time. What? Yeah. see here okay we beat him severely tie him up like it's okay he's earned it yes terry curses sarone as an asshole but just watches from the deck as danny ventures back alone It's obviously not that important if you don't go with him. True. Yeah. That's kind of fucked up. God, you fucking suck, dude. I'll be here.

But Denise stands with Westridge watching as Danny wades through the water with Westridge recounting that not only are they stuck in the middle of nowhere, but now they've lost their driver. Danny beams his flashlight through the mist as he reaches the poacher's boat in search of Mateo, calling out to him and growing frustrated when he doesn't respond. He stumbles over to the opposite side of the boat.

perplexed when he discovers something resting in a small plant poking out of the water. It's Mateo's flashlight. Terry calls out to Danny from the safety of the boat. And it's only when she repeats this that Danny finally returns her call, alerting her and the crew that he didn't find anything there. Westridge pours himself a glass of wine, sarcastically stating that that's very reassuring.

But Terry and Denise help Danny back onto the boat. He shows them the flashlight that he found, and Terry is dismayed to learn that this is all he recovered. But the crew is interrupted by Cerrone. who tosses one of the treasures from the chest at them. Something long, white, and coiled. It unrolls like a carpet across the deck floor until it reaches the feet of Danny, Terry, and Denise.

Saron reveals that it's anaconda skin. And Danny, overwhelmed with shock, can't believe that there are snakes out there of this size. But Saron, absolutely standing in front of a green screen. Thank you. I was trying to be patient, but my God. The sun setting behind him shares that this skin is two or three years old and whatever shed it has grown even more since then.

and he claims that something like this has made a meal of their dear captain. Terry doesn't believe him, however, certain that snakes don't eat people. But Cerrone, dragging his finger across a scar on his face, begs to differ. It didn't eat you. Yeah, I was going to say. It tried. It maimed you. It didn't eat you. He calls anacondas the perfect killing machine. noting their heat sensors and suggesting that a warm body like Mateo's in the water wouldn't be so hard to find.

In a half Marlon Brando impression, half Paraguayan accent, Cerrone says that they strike, wrap around you, hold you tighter than your true love. and you get the privilege of hearing your bones break before the power of their embrace causes your veins to explode. Denise looks around uneasily, insisting that Mateo is probably just lost.

But Westridge has heard enough, urging Denise to wake up. Gesturing to the snakeskin, Cerrone asks the crew to imagine something this big captured alive. And for some reason, he singles out... Gary, telling him that it would be worth a lot of money. Terry can't believe what she's hearing, but Cerrone, lit in a way that doesn't at all match the shot when we last saw him. Pleads with the crew to not make it out to be a monster. He didn't eat the Captain Mateo. And he then sucks his teeth. Listen.

I've had a lot to say about this film and about this character in particular, but I didn't eat the Captain Mateo as a top notch. It's like, don't look at me. I didn't do it. It was very good. But disregarding everything Saron just said, Terry attempts to rally her troops, telling them that they can't be certain that Mateo is even dead. And she suggests that they just wait here until the morning.

I thought we were in a mad dash to get killed at the hospital. Yeah. I also thought the same thing. Westridge explodes. What are you, insane? and he demands to know where she thinks Mateo went, on a walk in the woods? Terry commands Westridge to get a grip, adding that if it was him out there, he'd want for them to wait until morning too. But Westridge corrects her. If it was him out there, he'd be dead. He pleads. Don't you see? I understand.

what westridge is saying i think i think what i'm having right now the problem with is that anaconda he's an animal you know what i mean it's out there doing whatever it's doing and i and but it's not like we said it's not it's i feel like it'd be different if this anaconda was like i'm just gonna fuck people up to fuck people up you know what i mean are you guys coming to amazon i'm gonna eat you period

Y'all went looking for this thing, and I guess, you know, on your trail, it's like, oh, shit, people are here, and I'm going to bother you. But... I mean, so if Cerrone wasn't with us and we were just going, would we even encounter this anaconda? Well, we wouldn't even be over here, so no. Well, I mean, even before when we seen it where we were, wherever we were at. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I think one thing.

We're really relying on this anaconda like a slasher villain. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. You're right. Because it's not as if he's going to pick us off one by one. No. He's got a life to live. Yeah. He's eating panthers. and shit he's not stopping or waiting at the next intersection for us to get there to try to pick somebody off we're staying stationary and then he's like oh look food I mean, it's very weird to talk about the snake that way when this isn't what that is. That is fair.

I did hear, though, that anacondas don't want none unless you got buns, hon. So most of the people on that boat are probably going to be fine. J-Lo? J-Lo's in trouble. But standing face to face now, Terry simply asks Westridge to head inside the cabin and to lock the door behind him. Westridge accepts this, albeit adding facetiously, like a bad boy.

The jungle's making everyone, weren't you? I was like, what? He's like, so what are we doing later? I was like, well, Kale's dead, so. He's like, Gary, what are you doing? Yeah. But Westridge collects his shoes and heads toward the cabin as Terry addresses the rest of her crew. She suggests that they aim lights at the adjacent boat, and Cerrone smiles that that's a good idea.

Lights are a good idea. So turn the lights off. Yeah. Even now, I'm sorry, dude. Why are we still allowing him to talk? That's a great question. But thunder crackles as the sun sets over the Amazon, a harsh rain finding the region in the night, the exterior lights of the Micaela 1 beaming through the storm coming down in sheets. On the deck of the ship...

Saron sits clumsily in a hammock, tossing food into his mouth, while Denise approaches Gary, out of earshot of Saron, to remark that she's not so sure that Saron didn't eat Mateo.

She adds that Saron sure looks satiated before asking Gary if he thinks Mateo could still be alive. No, he does look pleased. And that's when I'm like, is this some like... we have a connection me and the snake like it's weird the way that it is kind of portrayed like he's behind everything yeah you mean like it can almost like a captain ahab connection right

That's fair. It's like, what story are we telling? But Gary just shakes his head solemnly as he peers over the port side of the ship and suggests that they should get to bed. But as he puts his arm around Denise and they begin to walk away, Cerrone suddenly shouts, Danger! And dipping back into that Christopher Walken territory, he adds, Danger is exciting, huh, Gary? I thought he was going to say, get on the phone. Yeah. Like, you wrote that? What are we doing?

It's like, we got to get this dude out of here. It's too much. But at this, Gary urges Denise to go onto bed without him. assuring her that he'll be right behind her and that he just wants to talk to Cerrone for a minute. Denise protests this at first, but eventually relents, leaving the two men alone on the deck. Saron tosses food into the air and nearly falls out of the hammock to catch it in his mouth as Gary approaches him. Gary wonders, it's out there, isn't it?

Saron smiles that it is and confirms that he knows how to catch them. He passes Gary a bottle of beer, noting that you can't catch an anaconda by yourself, though. You need a partner. And to capture one alive, that might mean a million dollars. Wow. Gary takes a thoughtful swig of beer before passing it back to Saron, and we watch the water ripple around the vessel before suddenly...

Dawn breaks at the horizon, sending a cascade of color to reflect over the surrounding waters. Within Saron's treasures, we get a tight shot of a large vial, clearly labeled... Reptile tranquilizer. Well, at least we know. It's the responsible thing to do. Cerrone, now wearing a black shirt, reaches for the vial, sticking the syringe through the lid and drawing back some of the solution as he looks around shiftily. Through the open door to the cabin,

Cerrone spies Terry, who appears to be sleeping in a chair next to Kale's bedside. The strap of her top fallen at her shoulder... Cerrone partakes in what seems to be a cheeky glance before injecting the tranquilizer into a metal dart. But Terry then awakens from her slumber. and Cerrone doesn't break his side-eye stare at her. He notifies Terry that there's still no sign of Mateo, and as he smirks that sly grin of his, Terry just slams the cabin door.

It's like, hey, I'm trying to sleep sexy over here. Slim. And it's wild. So they did stay the whole night for Mateo. Yeah. Literally, where could he be? Yeah. Like, it's the most ridiculous plan. Mm-hmm. Was it Westridge that was like, do you think he took a walk in the woods? Yeah. No, it's I understand wanting to hold on to hope or whatever, but I almost feel like it would be as shitty as the sounds make more sense if it.

was one of them because they don't even know Mateo. Yeah. And you're... boyfriend question mark x i don't know what is going on with her and kale or what happened or whatever but he's like y'all were acting like he was dying if he wasn't gonna get to a hospital like right now yeah so it was odd that they chose to

listen to her and i mean the whole thing is odd i don't need to detail it further no we agree yeah that's right yeah yeah but sometime later the ship continues coasting through the amazon leaving whatever's left of Mateo behind in their quest for a hospital for kale. With Westridge at the helm, drinking a glass of wine, The crew exchanges nervous glances with each other on the deck as sounds emanate from the surrounding jungle. Danny sits alone, winding a reel of film.

while Gary, who sits next to Denise on the deck, flips through a small sketchbook belonging to Cerrone, which features rough pencil drawings of men wrapped and devoured by massive snakes. What's funny to me is that we see in the corner it says P. Saron, but this notebook couldn't have belonged to anyone else. Come on. He likes to label this. But as Terry tends to kale in the cabin, wiping his forehead with the cool water of a blue sponge,

Out on the deck, Cerrone takes notice of small monkeys gathered in the overhanging branches of nearby trees. He calls out for Westridge to steady the ship as he lifts his rifle to aim through its sight. With the small creature in his crosshairs, Cerrone pulls the trigger, the crew startled by the sound, and the animal tumbling lifelessly into the water. Denise and Danny voice their disgust and confusion.

But as Cerrone retrieves the small carcass from the water, he explains that you can't catch an anaconda without bait. We're catching it now? We never agreed. You're giving up everything. Yeah. That was a private conversation with him and Gary, right? Yeah. Saron orders Westridge to continue onward, but Terry joins the fray, putting a stop to the order.

Cerrone counters, however, asking if Terry, in fact, speaks for everybody, and addressing him alone once again, he asks, Gary, does she speak for everybody? Gary stays silent for a bit too long, drawing the inquiries of the crew before he can finally muster that the way he sees it, with Kale injured, the movie's off. So why not salvage something? He says they could film Cerrone capturing a big snake. Incensed.

Terry asks if Gary has lost his mind, but Gary grows defensive, insisting that he hasn't lost his mind, and he thinks that everyone else needs to open their eyes. Perplexed, Danny demands to know how they went from taking Kale to a hospital to catching a goddamn snake. Gary responds, channeling Axl Rose, when he asks, Do you know where you are?

You're in the middle of the jungle, baby. Yeah, I was like, what a missed opportunity. What the hell are we doing? That might be my Monday song. Nobody take it. He accuses the crew of doing nothing but questioning and criticizing, but he reminds them that they don't know shit about the shit they're in out here, and neither does he. But he says that he knows who does, and he points over to Cerrone.

Very casually calling him by his first name? Yeah. No, we lost him. We lost him. He's gone. Yeah, throw him over to you. He says, if we help Paul catch this snake. then he'll help us get out of here alive. So it's conditional? When did that happen? They had this very long bonding session last night that we did not, we weren't privy to the whole thing.

Even that, how mad are you going to be at your friend or your boyfriend? Extremely. I mean, what the fuck? We came out here together. Yeah, and you're our crew and have been our crew. Yeah. But Gary adds that that. amigos, isn't insanity. And in yet another dubbing to avoid an R rating, he concludes that it's common freaking sense. As Saron loads his tranquilizer gun,

Denise appeals to Gary, telling him that this isn't who he is, and suggests that Cerrone has brainwashed him. But Gary cuts her off, suggesting that she just think for a moment about how much money this could be worth. How embarrassing to be brainwashed in a conversation. Yeah. Like that. That's really embarrassing. There wasn't a lot of brain to wash. He asks them all to imagine capturing something like this on film for the first time ever. He wonders what else they're supposed to do.

But Danny has had enough, setting down his reel of film and removing his necklace as he threatens that he knows exactly what he's going to do. He's going to throw both of these sons of bitches into the river himself. But before he can approach the men... Cerrone draws a revolver from its holster, firing a warning shot into Dany's film canister, sending it flying off of the table.

Are you fucking for real, dude? This is where we're at. And this is still who you're siding with? Yeah. Even worse, Gary having absolutely switched sides. Remarks. I don't think so. Gary, shut the fuck up. Cerrone insists that he didn't want this to have to happen, and after eyeing the crew to see if anyone else wants to try to be a hero, he calls out to Westridge on the second level, directing him to push forward.

Westridge is like, you got it, boss. And he returns to the wheelhouse to man the controls. Thinking about it, if we do get done with this. we're gonna beat your ass sarone's gonna be gone yeah so you can have a million dollars we're gonna i mean you're fucked yeah and what of your relationship yeah like god yeah It just made me laugh at this point because I'm like, Kale is like, what are they doing out there? I just have a hole in my throat. Do we spin the knife? The boat doesn't even move.

But Cerrone then hands off the tranquilizer gun to Gary, as he suggests that the rest of the crew occupy themselves, maybe play a game of cards. We get tense shots of the concerned crew members before the camera once again glides over the river as the sun sets at the horizon. We return to the wheelhouse, where the green glow of the gauges cast their light through the darkness and across Westridge's face. But out on the deck, Gary seemingly acts as a sentry.

stalking across the boards with a rifle eyeing the seated members of the crew unable to meet Denise's eyes when she looks up at him tearfully from her seat. Danny sits disgruntled in the low light of a lantern and he glances up at Terry who rests against one of the beams. The two lock eyes with each other as Danny conceals a pocket knife. clicking it open loudly for her to see in his grasp. Yeah, you didn't need to do that. No. It's like, we know what a knife is.

But she feverishly shakes her head no at whatever he's planning to do. Saron stands at the edge of the stern, winding a winch until its line suddenly snaps taut in the water with a jolt, something potentially having seized the bait. The entire crew grows attentive as Cerrone warns for nobody to move. He peers out into the water, trying his best to wrench the winch as the line starts to pull aggressively to the left and aggressively to the right.

The line rises from the water and attached to its hook wriggles the massive anaconda, screeching and splashing across the river. I'm sorry, but this snake screams a lot. So much. I don't. I don't know a lot about snakes, but I don't think they do that. Yeah, I have no idea. It's like shrieking like a human. Yeah. I will say the anaconda is credited. to frank welker of course voicing and we have talked about frank welker so many goddamn times on this show yeah he was fred

in the original Scooby-Doo. Yeah. And I think he went on to play Scooby-Doo in the later Scooby-Doo. Moving on up. But he's been in like hundreds of things and he also played the Anaconda.

He was Nibbler, too. He was Nibbler. There's a lot of stuff on Futurama. Yeah. So I was wondering, do y'all think that... this would be more effective if this was the first time we're seeing the whole anaconda because I'm like then how would Mateo's death have worked maybe he's just pulled under or like we see him wrapped up

But this shot right here, I'm like, this would have been cool, like a cool unveiling. Oh, yeah. Maybe he's dragged down from underneath the water, like the first kill in Jaws. Okay. Yeah. They're like, no, Jaws is fucking old. No, I think they nailed it. Which one are people still talking about favorably? But fear rests in the face of every member of the crew, and we get a sweet dolly zoom on Terry as she looks on in disbelief at the sight before her. But Sarone calls out to Gary.

ordering him up to the second level to shine the lights and directing Westridge to stop the boat. The music grows frenzied as Westridge does as told. spying the slithering snake through the window of the wheelhouse and gasping at the gargantuan creature. Gary blasts a beam of bright light into the water, illuminating the region just beyond the stern of the ship, and Cerrone offers in wonder and amazement. Buenas noches, beautiful.

As the anaconda whips around in the water, still attached to the hook, Cerrone orders Westridge to join them on the deck. Terry cries that Cerrone is going to get them all killed, but Cerrone just focuses his attention on the snake, commanding Gary to aim for its eyes with the lights to blind it.

Westridge joins Gary outside of the wheelhouse, with Cerrone once again ordering him onto the deck. Danny remarks in disbelief that Cerrone is fishing for a snake, adding, that man's gotta be crazy his mouth absolutely said that man's fucking crazy i don't know why we're doing this this is what happens when you find a stranger in the house yeah Denise pleads with Cerrone to just let the snake go, but he just continues calling out for Westridge to join him at the wench.

The anaconda snarls in the water, thrashing violently as Westridge creeps cautiously down the stairs in a daze. But seeing this as his only opportunity... Danny whips his pocket knife open and stalks towards Cerrone.

who stands preoccupied with the anaconda in the river. But the tail of the snake sweeps onto the deck of the ship, somehow tripping Danny and sending him tumbling over the table and onto the deck floor, his knife sliding off of... the edge of the ship and into the river are we serious this is why i'm like are we like is this a symbiotic relationship with sarone and the snake yeah he's like i gotcha yeah he's like no this is between Don't get involved. This is ridiculous.

It is that. You took way too long to try to attack this dude. Yes. Y'all watched him. I understand that snake's pretty big. He's distracted. Very. Gary's somewhere else. Go, go and like, come on, man, hit this man with something. The snake still whipping wildly in the water catches Saron's legs in its grasp. tripping him with its tail as its mouth breaks free from the hook, snapping it off and sending it flying toward Westridge, who drops to the floor defensively, narrowly avoiding its barbs.

All grows deathly silent as the snake disappears back into the water, with Westridge crying out, wondering where it's gone. But out of nowhere, the anaconda lurches up once again. snarling at Westridge, who cowers fearfully at the edge of the stern, trembling as the snake forcefully regurgitates the bait from the hook, projectile vomiting the corpse of the small monkey directly at him. Wow.

Why? I don't know. Like, fuck you in particular? I guess. It's weapon or something. I don't know why. It's just gross. Yeah. It has nothing. It doesn't mean anything. Shivering, Westridge crawls away as Cerrone dives for the tranquilizer darts and ordering everyone not to move.

He stands to aim properly at the anaconda, but Terry takes off running for the cabin, only to be pursued by the anaconda, who smashes his head through the cabin window, its tongue flickering as it snarls and hisses at her. It made me laugh because she starts toward the cabin and then when we look back, she's fully in there and looking out the window. She teleported.

Well, the editing of this film is weird. But suddenly at her side and aiming down sights with a sneer is Cerrone, who without a moment of hesitation. fires the tranquilizer dart right into the opened mouth of the anaconda. The snake shrieks in pain. It was it. It was. Twisting torturously until it's able to spit out the tranquilizer. But outside on the deck, Gary cries out for Denise, who stands frozen in fear.

asking her to join him on the second level and holding out his hand for her to grab it. She finally reaches for him. But in the anaconda's frantic movements, its tail scatters the table and chairs on the deck, the debris of which tumble from port to starboard, connecting with Denise and sending her crashing into the river. That looked hilarious. But I'm like, she was fine. We're going to you is what fucking knocked her off. The anaconda takes immediate note of this.

And dives into the water port side as Gary dives in to rescue Denise. At least he went in after her because I kind of wasn't expecting him to. True. Danny stands at the edge of the deck, reaching his hand out for Denise when Gary is able to guide her back to the boat. He lifts her back onto the deck, but just as Gary climbs aboard, the anaconda...

which is absolutely on set and not added in post on top of everything, unhinges its jaw to seize Gary's face in a venomous kiss. I just put, oh dear. Like it looks bad. like pasted yeah and it sucks because the puppet is so good yeah it is genuinely really good But it wraps tightly around his torso securing him to one of the poles on the deck freeing its fangs to whip its head around threateningly at the members of the crew who get too close.

In the frenzy, Terry finds Saron's rifle on the deck floor and reaches for it. But before she can aim it at the anaconda, Saron grabs for the barrel in Terry's grasp, shouting that the anaconda is no good to him dead. Denise screams incessantly as the snake snaps through the pole with the strength of its squeeze, sending itself and Gary falling into the water. They sink into the depths of the river as Denise cries out for her lost lover.

Terry holding her as she sinks to the ground, sobbing, and the anaconda twists Gary upward to float once more upon the surface before dragging him to his death below. Kale's like, hello? My throat hurts. He's got a bell. Yeah. Mrs. Pommel horse. Terry comforts an inconsolable Denise at the edge of the ship, which is right where the snake could reach up and grab any one of them. But it's quiet now, and only the songs of birds echo over the trees.

Danny sits distraught on the steps leading up to the wheelhouse, and Cerrone kneels at the side of Denise, offering a prayer over the water, as he tears the petal of a small pink flower from a plant and tosses them into the river. May the souls of the faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace. Amen. He then tosses the whole plant into the water, cavalierly muttering a prayer in Latin as he rises to his feet.

This was so fucked up because that was your dude. Oh, yeah. No, he meant nothing to him. He was more your friend now than ours. Yeah. No, he didn't give a fuck about Gary. Gary was just a pawn. No, but I... Again, I know this is very sad, but Gary did hold us hostage at gunpoint. He did. Some hours ago. Dude, he was like patrolling the deck. People forget about that. Everybody only remembers the good. Sarone then calls out to Westridge, but Denise has had enough.

She rises to her feet and points an accusing finger into Saron's face, blaming him for bringing this snake onto them, crying that he brought the devil. sarone merely sneers that there's a devil inside of everyone what but then he widens his eyes like think about that i feel like that didn't apply no no no terry

Terry pulls Denise away from Saron, ordering him to get his hands off of her, despite the fact that he wasn't touching her at all. But Saron just sums up the whole situation with one word. horrible this is the heavy-handed thing i was talking about as far as the producers being like and religion right right the snake is the devil yeah and then we don't talk about it again right you know this this is it

But Saron leaves the women alone and calls out to Westridge to take his gear up to the wheelhouse. Despite the fact that Saron is now brandishing his revolver, Westridge stands up for himself, insisting that he's not Saron's bloody poodle, and seething, how dare you presume to order me about? Saron seizes on this word, presume.

before promptly slapping Westridge across the face, backhanding him, and then slapping him again as he asks, How do you like, I presume, to throw you into the river? You like that presume, huh? So we're killing him in his sleep, right? Oh, yeah. He's got to sleep. Yeah, and there's a lot more of us than him. But he pulls the hammer back on the revolver, holding it to Westridge's throat as he clutches him by the hair.

Saron orders him once again to take his things upstairs, and Westridge trembles a thank you before Saron shoves him over toward his bags. Terry, still holding Denise in her arms, stares daggers through Saron. as he warns for everyone else not to move. He approaches the stairs to the wheelhouse, where Danny is still parked, and he orders him to move. He's like, you. You can move. Except for you.

But Danny finally does so hesitantly as Cerrone ascends the staircase. As soon as he disappears, Danny whispers to Terry, suggesting that they talk. But the camera descends beneath the surface of the water. and the lights cast from the boat carved through the darkness of the river, where we see the anaconda swimming by, its stomach swollen large in the shape of Gary.

his frightened face visible through the snake's shimmering scales. Super cool in theory, but this execution was not it. No. I mean, you could cast... owen wilson's face and just pull something to you know what i mean like there were there were a lot of things that could have been done but this was a little disappointing because the idea is really cool it is but i mean it's

Again, I know it's CGI, but it's very clearly CGI. Yeah, it's that. And y'all have that puppet. It is really fucking cool. I feel like that would be...

You really could have leaned on that. Yeah, and if that's the case, like you were saying, stretching something over Owen Wilson's face and having it there, why don't you just have that piece of the anaconda on a branch or something? We see it swollen. We see... his face and then it dips that part into the water yeah we know that he's eaten it looks better i did want to say something very cool just a matter of wordplay i didn't get to mention it earlier but bill butler the cinematographer

He talked about this two-man skiff that they rode in order to create the illusion of being the POV of the snake. And he talked about just, you know, putting the camera in a water box, having it floating halfway in, halfway out of the water and all this stuff. But the coolest thing in the world is that they called this camera system the Panaconda. That is 10 out of 10. That's funny.

But we pan across the empty deck of the Micaela One, and as Cerrone charts a path forward in the wheelhouse, Terry has decided to reapply her lipstick in the cabin. and she steals herself for a moment before she ascends the staircase to the helm. The strings in the score pulse pensively as mist surrounds the ship, and Terry taps on the window to the wheelhouse.

Cerrone spies her through the glass, mulling it over for a moment before unlocking the door and pulling it open. He asks if she wants something, and Terry steps inside. offering in a sultry voice that she just wanted to talk to him. He eyes her suspiciously as she peers out of the window before she turns to face him, revealing that she's been thinking about the myth.

And she tells Cerrone that she doesn't know if he's aware, but this film was supposed to be her big break, but it's only turned out into a big disaster. But making her way around the wheelhouse, Terry finally reaches the wheel, rolling it ever so slightly to the left as she proposes that maybe she could film Cerrone capturing the snake.

She reaches for his hand, slithering her arm up his shoulder, adding that then it wouldn't have all been for nothing. Saron laments that it could be dangerous, and Terry understands. Gazing up into his eyes as her hand reaches his chest, she tells him in relief that at least he would be there to protect them. Saron asks sincerely if she needs protection, and Terry nervously nods that she does, pressing her forehead to his chest. Saron admits that it's been a long time.

Since he's had a woman. All right. I'm like, okay, you were just, everybody hated him downstairs. I feel like this is too much, too much, too quick. It's a terrible plan. It's the worst. But Saron seizes her by the ponytail and pulls her in for a passionate kiss. Terry pulls him closer to the console, and with his back turned to the door, Danny ascends the staircase in the dark, approaching the door and creaking it open.

But Cerrone spies him through an overhead mirror that I didn't know was there. No. Pulling himself away from Terry to point his revolver at Danny, who holds his hand and his weapon up before he had the opportunity to take a swing. His weapon, by the way, looks like a baseball bat with a hook taped to it. Yeah. fucking wild gotta use something i guess sarone cries out you think i'm stupid he then steals another kiss from terry before pushing her away insisting that he isn't stupid

But what Cerrone hadn't counted on is Westridge, who sinks his putter through the window just behind him and smashes him in the back of the head. And he does so once again for good measure. Saron clatters to the ground with a wound at the back of his skull. Danny rejoicing that their plan worked and Westridge snarking asshole in one. Pretty good. That was good. That was good.

I was laughing out loud at how bad this plan was when Danny came in. I really wasn't expecting the assist from Westridge. Yeah. Like, what is this, a baby face? Very good. Thank you very much. He started out such an asshole. Yeah. Now they're a team. Yeah. But Westridge asks Terry if he should hit Cerrone again to make sure, but Danny insists that they just throw him in the river. Terry pleads with the men, asking, Haven't we had enough of that? Yeah, what? I don't know.

No more half measures, Walter. Yeah. Take his gun and throw him the fuck over. Yeah. What else could we need him for? What are we doing here? Except to kill us later. Yeah. Like, come on. But Terry suggests that they just tie him up instead. Westridge, however, is still very much in his own world, and he mutters, I'm ashamed to admit that I rather enjoyed it.

It's like, let's tie him up too. That's frightful. For a good measure. But Terry catches her breath as she leans against the wheelhouse door. And Dany snaps into action, seizing Saron's arm behind his back to do as he was directed. But we return to the depths of the river, slithering through plants in a POV shot. before abruptly cutting away to the dawn of a new day, the golden lights at the edges of the ship echoing the morning sun pouring through the clouds.

But Saron awakens, sitting on the deck, his wrists tied, and a length of rope securing him to a pole. He smirks, watching the trees pass him by, until Terry approaches him with the newspaper article that he stole from the poacher's wrecked boat. He kept it on him? Yeah. That's fucking hilarious. Terry understands now. This was all one big setup. Mateo, Cerrone stranded. The shipwrecked boat. His route to the hospital. Saron grins. How could you forget about the wasp?

Now you listen here. Yeah. That's some fucking bullshit. There was not at all. No. Any point unless. The propeller blade was also in cahoots with him and it slipped it into dude's mouth underwater. Yeah. Because he was already grabbing his throat. Yes, he was. He was. But enraged. Terry rears back, punching Cerrone in the face. I will say that she misses entirely. It was very poorly executed. But Cerrone sighs, wheezing a laugh as Terry crouches next to him.

Commenting that what Cerrone does isn't so hard, she boasts, I can trap a snake too. She should have kicked him in the dick when she's... Yeah. Why? Why not? So much for metaphors and whatnot. No. Insult injury. Enjoy. Once again, doing his best Brando for reasons undetermined. Saron snarks that as smart as Terry is, she can't survive without him.

This seems to register with Terry, but she offers no response as she rises to her feet and checks in on Denise, who still sits rocking despondently in one of the chairs on the deck. Terry reaches a soothing hand behind Denise's neck, assuring her that they're going to be home soon, but Denise doesn't even acknowledge her, the camera pressing in on her as she slowly sets her eyes on Cerrone, who of course...

Sneers. But inside the cabin, Terry leans in through the mosquito net surrounding Cole's bed to whisper into his ear, I can't believe how good you're doing. And she encourages him to hang in there. Kale smiles weakly at this, turning his head slightly in Terry's direction as he breathes a shallow breath. But up in the wheelhouse, Westridge smokes a cigarette as he mans the controls, and Danny...

who has seemingly been promoted to navigator, asks his colleague if the ship is difficult to drive. Westridge just offers that it's a dawdle, like driving a Cadillac fleet would. Removing the smoke from his lips, he suggests that he could give Danny a driving lesson. I already know this is not going to go well. Come on. Westridge instructs him on the use of the knobs. The black knob is up to go forward, down to go back, and the red knob is up to go fast and down to go slow.

Terry joins the men as Westridge adds that for the wheel, it's four turns hard over, left and right. And if Danny gets into trouble, just turn off the ignition. Danny asks if that's it, and Westridge steps back from the controls, allowing for Danny to take them back to civilization. Danny mans the controls excitedly, as Westridge wistfully whispers, Take us back to crisp sheets and hot showers. Danny smiles the playoffs and a six pack Westridge who already had a turn. He wasn't done. He wasn't.

He adds 18 holes of golf in a quadruple gin and tonic. Terry, who doesn't get a turn, just smiles as Danny once again chimes in. LA traffic and my cellular phone. That's cellular phone. This was cute. Yeah, it was. The group shares a laugh as Danny navigates the vessel around a tree. a tree that bears yet another cleanly carved snake totem. Saron seems to take note of this from the deck, but even more, he's taken with the cascading waves of a waterfall just up ahead.

commenting, waterfall. Very good. He addresses Denise, telling her, it's a beautiful sight, baby bird. He claims that the legend was right. On the second level, Terry and Westridge exit the wheelhouse, amazed at the sight before them, Terry asking Westridge with wonder in her voice, what is this place? Westridge can only remark on its beauty, but suddenly the ship steers right into a series of low-lying rocks grinding to a jarring halt. Westridge loses his footing.

and Terry holds onto the railing as the boat rocks wearily, and Danny calls out that he thinks that they hit the bottom. Westridge confirms this, but directs Danny to turn the wheel to the left, then to the right. then to attempt to reverse, and when none of these actions free the boat, Westridge just tells him to shut off the ignition. Stepping out of the wheelhouse and assessing the situation, Danny peers over the railing.

directing their attention to a couple of nearby trees on either side, suggesting that if they wrap rope around both of them and pull it tight, they can use the winch to pull themselves loose. But this means that they'll have to go back into the winch. water but he says otherwise they'll be stuck forever. He acknowledges that they need to make it quick in and out and Westridge ties a bandana around his forehead lamenting that he thought he had already done his bit.

You didn't do anything. He taught him how to drive it and then promptly drove, drive them into some rock. Yes. And he did knock out Saron. Okay. Yeah. Then he got a taste for blood. Then he promptly lost his mind. But the trio descends the staircase and Danny directs traffic, assembling and readying the necessary materials as Cerrone watches silently. As Westridge climbs into the water,

He remembers that the last time he was in water like this, he was up all night picking leeches off of his scrotum. I was like, all right, man, come on. That sucks. Yeah. Does this stand by me? He's like, it was unrelated to the dip in the water. That was something else.

But Denise watches from the broken cabin window as Terry, Danny, and Westridge wade through chest-deep water with a length of rope toward the selected trees, the winch pulling taut, and as soon as they're out of sight, she crosses... the deck directly for Cerrone, a filthy knife clenched in her fist. She reveals it to him, asking, aren't you gonna pray? But locking eyes with her and doing a half Stephen King impression,

half-half-assed Paraguayan accent. Cerrone warns for Denise to never look into the eyes of those you kill. He claims that they'll haunt you forever. He knows. The knife trembling in her grasp, Denise crumbles, looking away from Saron. And this is when Saron seizes the opening, pulling himself upward in an impossible leap. To wrap his legs around Denise's neck. Fuck off. Yeah. When he leapt up. It's come on. Yeah. That's crazy. And I think Terry should have stayed.

So, yeah. You didn't need to go too yawn than one. Not at all. Yeah. Dragging her to the ground and squeezing the life out of her, Saron recites. I firmly resolve with the help of your grace to confess my sins, to do penance and to amend my life. Amen. He releases Denise from his grasp. Having fucking killed her. Yeah. Again, first of all, no one hears this. They're not that far away. Secondly.

Like you said, I'm the most traumatized person here. You're going to leave me alone with this. And y'all were already giggling and laughing up in the fucking wheel house or whatever. Now. I'm alone down here. I got to be alone with this dude. And now I got to die fucking smushed against his musty ass thighs. This is so unfair. And my boyfriend turned on us and is dead.

two yeah this is really fucking unfair if we have one character who definitely should have survived yeah she's been through enough yeah it's not fair I will say that after catching his breath and saying another prayer in Latin, he ends it with baby bird. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yes. But he looks both ways, watching as Terry, Danny, and Westridge continue their work, cinching the rope around the sturdy trees in the river, and he picks his spot carefully as he kicks Denise's corpse into the river.

The three crew members turn to face the boat when they hear the splash of her body hitting the water. But then they just return to their work as if it never happened. Yeah. I was like, that's, that's, I'm sure it's fine. Sarone, meanwhile. in full view of everyone if they were to just turn around. Seizes Denise's discarded knife, sliding it to his tied hands so he can make short work of his bindings. But out on the water, Danny stands still for a moment when he senses something.

and out of the corner of his eye, vegetation ripples around them from swift movement beneath the surface of the river, and thinking fast, Danny orders everyone back onto the boat. Just as they begin to swim for safety, The anaconda once again makes its presence known, poking its head out of the water and swimming right for them. As Danny helps Terry back onto the boat, Westridge stays behind.

splashing the water as a distraction, antagonizing the snake and screaming, over here, you fat ass bastard. It's wild stuff. Yeah. It is. And again, really, really surprised by his behavior. This is heroic. Yeah. He's got the action hero bandana now. Yeah. And they did make nice. They did. They did. But with the anaconda in pursuit of him, Westridge is left with no option but to swim for the waterfall, climbing the slippery rocks at its base to higher ground as the snake slithers close behind.

Terry and Danny watch from the boat as Westridge loses his footing beneath the rushing waves of the waterfall, clutching a vine and hanging precariously above the river. Danny urgently calls for Terry to find the gun inside of the cabin, but with their backs turned, Cerrone is finally able to slice through the rope securing him to the pole. He rises to his feet, launching for Danny with his blade, but Danny is able to use a hanging sail to parry the attack. Unfortunately...

With a cartoon-sounding punch, Cerrone socks Danny, clattering him to the deck floor. I literally have the off-screen punch sound. I can't. I was laughing out loud. Pretty funny. As Westridge regains his footing and climbs up into a cave just behind the waterfall, Terry raises the rifle she retrieved and aims it right for Cerrone.

But he quickly reaches for the barrel, pointing it upward as Terry fires a wild shot in the struggle, only to be tossed aside and she collides with the last tank of fuel at the stern of the ship. But Danny returns from behind, smashing a piece of wood against Cerrone's spine, causing him to drop the rifle onto the floorboards.

The men trade blows, Sarone eating a few shots before returning a few of his own and sending Danny tumbling over the deck furniture. When he punches him and he goes flying over the furniture. the stuntman's face is in full view like it's quick but i was like that is not ice cube i even posted on it i was it's fucking hilarious oh wow

Terry, however, crawls for the rifle, reaching her feet with it as she aims for Saron. But before she can pull the trigger, he fucking throws a stool at her. Yeah, dude. Holy shit. And this ruins her shot. Saron then retrieves his knife, driving it into Danny's leg as he howls in pain. And the men struggle as Saron holds the knife above Danny's face now. Terry tries to line up the shot with the rifle, but fears shooting Danny in the frenzy and she screams for him to move his arm.

That's hilarious. That's crazy. Yeah. How? He's trying to give himself a getting stuck. It's like, get out of the way. Why don't you just walk up to him? Dad! I don't know. I'd be like, are you fucking kidding me, dude? No, let him stab you a little bit. They don't distract him. Yeah. Meanwhile, the anaconda has slithered up a tall tree adjacent to the waterfall with ease, lurching its long body right in front of the rushing water obstructing its view of Westridge.

But Westridge foolishly whimpers in fear, causing the reptile to reach its head through the waves to face him head on. With no other choice, Westridge screams as he dives through the water for the river below, but before he can make a splash... The anaconda catches him by the face with its wide jaw, sinking its fangs into his flesh as it lifts him upward toward the tree and it wraps around him in a constricting coil.

Terry watches in horror, crying out for Westridge as she still aims the gun at Cerrone. But the snake's strength cinches around the tree too tightly, and as Westridge attempts to struggle against his captor, the roots of the tree break loose from its foundation, crashing down onto the deck of the ship and forcing... Harry, Danny, and Cerrone to dive into the water to safety.

He's diving in that water with an open wound on his leg. Oh, yeah. He's fucked already. It is funny to think that the snake falling, he held on to Westridge. He's like, I'm not letting this go. Oh, no. No, no, no. But in the water, Terry surfaces first, calling out to Danny, who promptly joins her. As Terry calls out for Westridge, we see Kale has awakened inside of the cabin, sitting up in his bed.

As the anaconda absconds with an unconscious westridge, Terry swims back to the boat, holding her hand out for Danny, who in his attempt to follow her, gets snagged and caught in a plant underwater. As the tension rises, Danny's barely able to wriggle himself free to swim for Terry's helping hand. But before he can reach her... Denise's corpse suddenly resurfaces, blocking his path and causing he and Terry to gasp in fright. I don't know why she resurfaced. Yeah. For that. Okay.

The anaconda seizes this opportunity to rise from the river and sink its fangs into Danny's shoulder, quickly wrapping its body around him. And in a very have my cake and eat it too moment, the anaconda also begins to devour Denise. Yeah, what the hell was that? Hedonism, man. When Terry is unable to pull Danny free, she retrieves the rifle, everything moving in slow motion as she aims down sight, firing three accurate shots into the snake's skull.

It was very interesting to watch her fire that Model 70 Winchester bolt-action rifle three times without loading it. That was, I mean, magic. We're letting a lot go. I feel. Blood pouring over its scales from its fresh wounds, the anaconda shrieks. sinking under the water and loosening its grip on Danny. But before Terry can pull Danny to safety aboard the ship, Cerrone lurches up out of nowhere from the water, tackling Terry to the deck floor.

As he reaches his feet, he seizes the rifle as Terry grabs his leg and wrestles with it awkwardly. Saron seethes. You killed my warrior snake? He tosses her to the side as he loads the rifle and racks it. He aims it at Danny. I was like, what the fuck? Yeah. I don't understand.

Again, I know I've brought this up several times over the course of our show as a whole but that episode with gary bucey on king of the hill when bill gets slapped and then somebody else yells at him and then he slaps bill again that's what it felt like i was like why But Danny just floats in the water, slack-jawed for way too long not to be hilarious. But before Cerrone can pull the trigger... Something is suddenly driven into his spine. Saron hilariously winces. The dart.

And as he turns around, he discovers Kale standing behind him. The tranquilizer dart poking from Saron's back through his shirt. Yeah, we remember. You might as well have just said, the reptile tranquilizer. From earlier. With Saron's vision becoming blurry, Terry cries out that the tranquilizer is working. I guess you can see through his eyes. But all right. But Danny takes this opportunity to elbow Cerrone across the jaw, sending him staggering into the water.

As he sinks beneath the surface, Terry rushes to check on Kale, but Danny notices the tranquilizer floating upon the surface of the river, lamenting. Lamenting. Damn. The dart came out of his back. Dude, so the fuck what? It doesn't matter. It worked. Yeah, I would still imagine it was in there long enough. That he's going to be knocked out. Yeah. I was fucking. Okay, I get it. We're going to see him later. That's what it was for. That's all it was for. Oh, damn. Oh, my God. That's so funny.

Blood leaking from the wound at his neck and down his chest, Kale loses consciousness again and is carried back into the bed inside of the cabin. Danny suggests that he can get them out of here as he thinks that the fallen tree knocked them loose from the rocks. So Terry tends to kale again. But we get a very quick shot of the ship moving on through the water. The only problem with this is the shot is almost blink and you miss it so quick. The reason being.

It's a reversed shot and you can see the waterfall running backwards. oh my god okay that was sent to me by our friend amber and i didn't i don't even think i clocked it in the movie I just saw the little piece of it. That's fucking hilarious. It's always something that we've noticed or I noticed before and I was like, why is that happening? Yeah. And wrote it off.

Then the more I watched it, I was like, oh, no, that's not supposed to be that. They're like, be worried because the tranquilizer came out of Saron's back. Don't look at the waterfall. Why are you looking at the waterfall? This has gotten surreal. This is hell. No, we're turning back time. Put on some chair. But before we leave this area, I did want to talk about this section of the river. I was very surprised to learn that this is where they returned after shooting in the Amazon.

This is an arboretum in Arcadia, California, and they turned the area of the arboretum into this waterfall. Wow. They built it from the ground up. It took them three and a half months. And they said that they supplied 2000 gallons of water per minute to this waterfall. Holy shit. From a man made lake that they. also made wow Did they have to use extra water to get it to run backwards? That was a different process. That's how they got it back. Yeah. It's called recycling. I love it.

But we soon find the ship coasting through the river, and to Danny's amazement, through the window, he discovers not only a dock, but a dilapidated dock house just off the starboard side of the ship. He alerts Terry to his findings, and the pair dock the ship, descending together over rickety planks of wood, Danny limping with every step from the wound in his leg.

The rifle clutched in his hands, Danny surveils the area, but just in front of them, Terry discovers discarded and dust-covered weapons resting on the dock. An axe. A rifle. She admits that she doesn't want to know what happened here, which is an odd thing for a documentarian to say. This is none of my fucking business. Well, it's all fucked up out there.

But they continue onward for the dockhouse in the hopes that they can find fuel for their boat. But the camera arcs through the surrounding vegetation. twisting and turning upright with the Micaela One in our sights. But as Terry and Danny enter the dock house, it looks like something out of The Last of Us. sunlight pouring in through smashed-in walls, leaves and debris littering the area, and the entire place overtaken by parasitic plants. But at the far end of the room...

Terry spots an array of metal drums and wonders if they could be fuel. They cautiously creep their way over, the music rising tensely around them. But Terry recognizes something resting on the ground just in front of the drums. She reaches her trembling hand for it, raising it upward. A thin, white sheet like a discarded veil. Danny recognizes what it is, too. Snake skin. Decent callback. Yeah. Yeah.

Terry drops it instinctively and glances around nervously before rushing to help Danny wrench open one of the drums. To their relief, Terry announces, look, there's plenty of fuel in here. Good. Yeah, we just got to get it to the boat. Yeah. Well, suddenly, just behind them, a voice with a very confused accent cries out, welcome. And just as they turn around, Cerrone launches at them from between the plants with a stick, apparently knocking them both out with one blow. It's just enough.

give me a fucking break yeah he's a villain yeah yeah we got that also we all knew that he was coming back but it didn't need to be the next scene yeah yeah Wait, so was that him eyeing the ship from the water? Oh, my God. Oh, okay. That wasn't the snake. But how did he get there faster or just as fast as they did? You know that when you see Olympic swimmers doing the overarm?

Stroke? That's him. That's what he was doing? But we return to find Terry and Danny tied back to back, resting on the floor of the dock house. A low trickling noise is heard and when the camera arcs around an adjacent table, we see a poor animal being bled into a bucket just beneath its carcass. Once enough blood is collected, Saron snags the handle, humming a song to himself as he marches over to Terry and Danny, declaring that it's time to wake up. In slow motion,

He chucks the contents of the bucket onto them, coating them in crimson as they writhe against their restraints. He smiles. Monkey blood. I need him. We need to keep the monkeys away from this one. It's enough already. It's enough. It's bananas. Terry shrieks that she's going to kill him, but Saron just warns with a chuckle. Don't get me upset. He tosses the bucket aside and kneels on the ground, coating his hands in the white powder that he finds there.

He asks Terry and Danny if they see this substance, revealing it to be human bones. And he says that's how it comes out. Ashes to ashes. It comes out of where? What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. I don't understand at all. I don't either. I was wondering this evening. Yeah. Then again, I was like, are we trying too hard to do the snake is an evil religious thing? I don't know. The ashes to ashes? Yeah, I just didn't understand that. Where's it coming from? How? What?

but he clumsily crosses the pair as he ascends a creaking ladder to the next level. He watches from above through opaque windows, and in a wide shot, we discover that Terry and Danny are resting on a large knitted net. They look upward as we arc down toward them in a POV shot, fear filling their features as Danny cries out, Holy shit, look! Terry trembles in fright as they reach their feet together, and we soon see what scared them.

It descends from the rafters of the dockhouse, its black and red scales shimmering in the sunlight. A massive anaconda. much larger and far more menacing than the one they tangled with previously. I read that they made two puppets, two anacondas. One was... 25 feet and i think 1500 pounds good lord and the other one presumably this one was 40 feet and over a ton damn damn

I saw on the production notes they had referred to, I think, the first snake that we were dealing with as the warrior snake. And this snake, I think, was called the queen snake. Okay. Oh, that makes sense. I didn't get that at all. No. Yeah, no. I just wondered why one was big and one was small. It was the same snake. Well, you said they grow. Yeah. The shedding of the skin. Yeah. Yeah.

But it slithers down toward them, its tongue flicking in their direction as Cerrone stares on in wonder. Terry and Danny attempt to make a break for it. but are quickly seized by the snake's twisting tail, and the pair are wrapped and squeezed tightly against their pointless protests. But Saron swings down from the second level on a rope. which pulls the net up around the body of the snake and its two captives.

Once he reaches the floor below, Cerrone ties the rope around a valve on the other side of the room and races for his tranquilizer gun to quell the wriggling beast who thrashes violently under the net, shrieking madly. From the strength of its frenetic movements, the Anaconda is able to tear the valve and the pipe free from the wall, wriggling out of the net to set its sights on Cerrone, who takes off running, climbing the ladder as fast as he can.

The snake slithers up the ladder, its tail knocking Terry and Danny over as it seizes Cerrone with the swiftness sinking its fangs into his shoulder. I'm starting to think that... These anacondas are just dicks. You keep tripping us with your towel for whatever reason. They love it. Yeah. I don't know why you're doing this. Let us get away. Please. They should have put that in the text crawl. Yeah. And it trips you all the time. And they're mean. It's like, oh.

But the weight of the snake dislodges the rickety ladder from the wall, causing Sarone to tumble back to the first floor. He reaches his feet quickly, but when he tries to run away from his pursuer, Danny reaches for a pulley with his legs, wrenching it upward and causing the net to form a barrier, cutting off Saron's path of escape. He wrestles with the net, finally able to tear it to the ground, but it gives the anaconda just enough time to catch up with him.

capturing him in a brutal bite and carrying him back to its coiled body, which wraps tighter and tighter around him. The snake stares Saron right in the eyes, which could be a callback. True. but his bones crack under the strength of its constriction. The anaconda then unhinges its jaws in a hiss, and we see from inside its cavernous throat as Cerrone is devoured. slinking upward through its enormous esophagus. Meanwhile...

Terry and Danny are able to reach their feet, tearing free from their restraints on the opposite side of the room, watching in horror as Cerrone's legs wriggle out of the anaconda's wide mouth, only for him to be swallowed whole. And I swear, I don't know, but I think the anaconda burped, which is why. Too much. That was a full meal.

Catching her breath, Terry urgently insists that they get the fuel now. But just as they rush for it, the anaconda whips its tail, knocking Danny into the drums again. Yeah, why? But it soon sets its sights on Terry, who races for a ladder to the second level. She climbs it as Danny procures a pickaxe, swinging and missing wildly as the anaconda pursues Terry up above. It twists around corners on Terry's tail, but she's able to close herself inside of a room that she finds on the second floor.

Putting her back to the door, she discovers that right in front of her is a nest of snakes, several of them slithering warmly over a mound of unhatched eggs. But before Terry even has time to react or comprehend it, the anaconda, doing its best Jack Torrance impression, shatters its head through the wall. But in some very unfortunate CGI, the anaconda regurgitates the half-digested body of Cerrone, which kneels slimy and slippery before Terry.

And in some very unfortunate screenwriting, he winks at her. All right. This is when my soul left my body. I was like, what? Is this? I am unsure. What am I watching? It's very weird. Yeah. To do that.

I feel like after everything we've been through to have that there's like, I don't, why, why'd you do that? Why? It's very confusing tonally because this whole time you've been playing it so serious. Yeah. If you have that moment, but then meanwhile, the entire film we've been leaning into that it's fine yeah it fits the tone yeah but it's just so weird yeah i was like i don't even know if i can lock in for the rest of it like i feel like that was

the height and it's like okay everything else whatever yeah imagine having more of the script to write yeah I'm sorry my condolences I actually didn't finish the movie go ahead Tell me what happened. Saron then collapses, finally dead, and Terry takes off running to reconvene with Danny on the lower floor. She reveals to him that there's a nest of eggs on the floor above, but they quickly hatch a plan to use Terry as a decoy to trap the snake in an adjacent smokestack.

Danny stays behind as the anaconda chases Terry towards the smokestack, and he hacks at its tail with the pickaxe as Terry climbs the ladder that she finds on the other side of the room. After its tail knocks over a drum of fuel and it reaches its head up the ladder towards Terry, Danny pins the anaconda to the floor with the pickaxe. He then calls out to Terry and makes sure that there's a way out at the top of the smokestack.

I was a little confused here because it looks like he runs under the snake and he's yelling up to her and the snake's just there like, if I could turn around. What are you doing? I don't know. It's like you're uniquely. equipped to turn around yeah i don't understand you should be able to he's like i'm after her now yeah But Terry assures him that there is an opening at the top. And as she climbs for it, Danny tips over the other barrels of fuel to administer plan B, which stands for blow up.

The snake snaps at Terry, unable to reach her with its tail pinned to the floor, and Danny utilizes a fuel-soaked hose as a fuse for the pool of oil. He strikes a match to light it just as Terry reaches the cage at the top of the smokestack. But as soon as the fuse is lit, Terry realizes that she's unable to open the gate. She cries out as the fire spreads down below and the anaconda tears itself loose from Danny's pickaxe.

It rushes right for Terry, but Danny is able to tie its tail with a chain and secure it momentarily. This is happening way too fast. It's so fast. I'm like, we're really racing too. Yes. He calls out for Terry, directing her to bash the hinges of the cage to bust it open, which she's finally able to do. But the snake breaks free as well and follows her to the tall roof of the smokestack.

Standing on high and overlooking the deck below, Terry descends to the side of the structure, hanging precariously from a length of rope as Danny shouts from the safety of the docks that she'll have to jump. Terry refuses to jump, but the decision is soon made for her when the fire reaches the pool of fuel and an explosion bursts brightly.

climbing the smokestack with its resulting rumble shaking Terry loose from the rope and depositing her into the water below. The burning structure crumbles to the ground. And as Terry and Danny shield themselves from falling debris, we see the snake shrieking as it crashes into the water next to Terry covered in flames. It scales sizzling. It still pursues her all the way back to the dock where Danny is able to pull her to safety. The snake, however...

Sinks listlessly beneath the water, a solemn shriek escaping it as it seemingly dies. After the pair catch their breath. Danny suggests that they get the fuel that they came here for. But as he walks across the dock, the anaconda returns. bursting its head through the wooden boards between him and Terry. And Terry screams. But Danny thinks quickly. retrieving the dusty and discarded axe that they saw earlier and repeatedly sinking the business end of it into the scaly skull of the snake.

That thing shot through there so fast. That looked fucking hilarious because it shoots straight up out the dock or like the boards there. And I had to rewind it because I was like, that looks very funny. Because it's just a snake head straight through there. That's probably all it was. Yeah. But the anaconda's shrieks echo as it crashes into the water below, and Danny naturally calls it the B-word. But with the anaconda eradicated, Terry and Danny return to the ship.

Terry immediately entering the cabin to check in on Kale. And as soon as she arrives, he awakens, weakly addressing her as Miss Flores. He looks her over, smirking that she's a mess. But the two embrace, Terry growing emotional as she holds him tightly. He's like, you're going to have to catch me up on it. Yeah, I've kind of been passed out after shooting. So how's Westridge doing? Oh, damn. Can Denise come? Oh, shit.

And Gary? But sometime later, as the ship sails on, Kale stands on the deck, adjusting the bandage at his neck. But his eyes grow wide in wonder as just before him, gathered together in small canoes and sitting just outside of their dwellings, are members of the Shirishama tribe. They stare up at the Micaela One as it drifts by, and when Terry returns to Kale's side at the railing outside of the wheelhouse, Kale directs her attention to the tribe, admitting that Cerrone was right.

that's crazy yeah so what was his angle yeah i don't know it makes it makes no sense i know at the top i was like it's a clear story it's like now i'm like i don't know if that's true But serene music overtakes the score as Terry calls Danny away from the helm and he peers through the trees in amazement at the tribe. Maybe after all that we've been through, we don't have somebody not manning. Yeah, stay there.

But Danny smiles that he should get his camera and he heads back inside to do just that. Terry announces roll film and Danny concurs. Camera rolling. But we abruptly cut to the Michaela One, sailing off into the golden glow of sunset as the main theme plays. And the credits roll. So what did you guys think of Anaconda? So I still had a lot of fun.

watching it and a lot of fun talking about it um there is some things again that are brought forward that are still kind of like what the fuck you know what i mean going over it and it's There is a lot that is wrong with this, and I think it might just be me. having watched it a lot before that I do enjoy this movie because I do watch it and understand how it isn't great.

There's something about it that I'm still laughing. I'm still watching it and I'm like, this is fine. Yeah. But I know it's not great. No, it's kind of a mess, but it's so funny at times. Even though I know that it's not intentional, I think that the more we went along, the more that I'm like, actually, I don't know if the story makes a lot of sense. I don't know. There's some good moments that I feel like.

are successful i really really love the puppet like you said i think earlier t the performances are fine nobody's well yeah john voight i don't know what the fuck's going on i don't i don't know

The facial expressions, the accent. I don't know what the fuck was happening there. But everybody else was fine. I don't know. This one is difficult because it's not like... oh my god this is the worst movie i've ever seen but there are so many things where it's like why why did you choose to do that yeah

And I feel like the more that we even discuss it, the more the plot just kind of unravels. Yeah. When you think about Saron's intentions, like what was even the point of him convincing them to do anything? I don't know. I don't know. He already has his own boat. Him and Mateo can just go out whenever they want. Yeah. It's not as if this starts with the wreck of his boat.

Yeah, and he knew where to go. It's not like the poacher's boat. If the poacher's boat was his, then yeah, we do need to fucking trick this other. But it's Mateo's boat that it makes no sense. None. But it's the crux of everything. This boat is the key to all of it. So I'm just like, I'm just confused at the point of that. And I just, I don't know. Nobody.

becoming aware at all until it's way too late that sarone is a villain yeah when he he had a shirt on that said villain yeah yeah it was bedazzled yeah like no It was so blatant that, like I said earlier, I was like, maybe he's a red herring. Right. Now. No, it said it on the side of the ship that he was crashed on SS villainy. Yeah. All right. I just I feel like that's the whole thing for me is like.

you've made it so obvious with him being the villain then shouldn't it be like this very ridiculous comedy horror situation we already know what's gonna happen yes but everything is played so serious and so dramatic yeah Let's have fun with it because it's a very ridiculous thing that's happening here. Yeah. Or if he's the villain that make the Anaconda misunderstood or whatever. Yeah. You know what I mean? Right. He's the one bothering the Anaconda. He's the monster.

yeah but instead the anaconda is just kind of like in between yeah equal opportunity eater yeah But I don't know. I feel like I wanted to have so much more fun with this film than I did. And the fun that I did have, it really was in spite of the film. Yeah. I am just forever perplexed and I will always be perplexed. by what Jon Voight was doing here. I just want answers. Yeah. Was that him? Did he have room to just kind of interpret the character how he wanted? Was he directed to do that?

Did he have a dialect coach? No. Clearly not. Unless it was Christopher Walken. Christopher Walken, Marlon Brando, Stephen King. I don't understand. But I mean, I guess we can just slide into ratings. I think that this film is one that I understand why a lot of people like it. And I do think that there are some good things about it. I think that...

Their cinematography is pretty great. I think that there are times when the music fits the scenes really well. There are times where it's really overbearing. Especially when the point of a scene is silence and you have the score going. That's wild. I also, I think that the performances, as you said, minus Jon Voight, are fine. Yeah. Like Eric Stoltz does well.

Owen Wilson is an odd choice to me still. Yeah. But I mean, he does fine with what he's given. Carrie were like everybody. Yeah. I will say I thought I Jennifer Lopez was very OK. I think she did fine. Yeah. I just, I mean, I feel like anybody could have played this role. Yeah. For sure.

But what really drags the film down for me is a lot of the choices in the screenplay and the plot of the film. Yeah. Where if you even kind of take anything apart for just one second, you're like, oh, none of this makes sense. Yeah. The idea of them being like this trio of poachers. as well yeah yeah like and then just kind of this whole thing and then he takes the newspaper clipping which is all the evidence that she needs it's like god damn dude this is ridiculous

I also I don't understand what happened with the editing of several sections of this film. Whether it was a lack of coverage or what, but you can't have it to where your last shot shows a character facing one way and the next they're completely turned around. or reverse a shot to where a waterfall is magically rising upward yeah honestly kind of iconic that's hilarious it's so funny to me because they're like we don't have a shot of this boat departing yeah

But we do have a shot of it arriving. They won't know the difference. Yeah. We knew the difference. Yes. But I mean, I don't know. I see there being a lot of. enjoyment here even though we really did pick it apart i i do think that one thing that i do appreciate about it is definitely some of the practical effects work yes it's just so wild how promptly at least in my view it's ruined by the really like

And I don't even know. Maybe it's just a sign of the times. But the CG work is just so like. No, it's terrible. Poor. Yeah. And it's like this drastic contrast. Yeah. Sometimes within the same scene or attack. And so it's just like, God damn. Yeah. But I will say I probably. I don't see myself returning to this film. I think the reason for it is they really just miss the mark as far as how fun intentionally this film should have been.

Leaning into what is clearly hilarious. Yeah. Okay. But not really. I just don't understand what they thought they had. But for me. Out of 10 sinister slithering snakes, I am going to give Anaconda four sinister slithering snakes out of 10. I know it seems low. And it's because it is. But I will now open the floor to you and finally rest my voice. I'm going to be honest. I think a lot of it.

my enjoyment for this movie does stem from me watching it a lot as a kid or as a teen. You know what I mean? And I mean, it is, like I said, it's something that me and my brother would quote for whatever reason. The movie isn't good, but I... I'll be honest. For me, I'm on the other side of the coin. I'll watch this when we're done recording. I'll watch this tomorrow in the morning. I'll watch it in the afternoon.

Will I pick it over other things? No. But if it's on, hell yeah, I'm going to watch it. It's Anaconda. It's fucking silly. It's ridiculous. It doesn't make sense. I don't know why they, I mean, I guess at the time, and it does, us talking about it, I feel like it might be one of those movies.

with the momentum if you stop what's happening yeah there's going to be some questions but that last part of the movie it does go really quick when they're fighting the snake and then it's just over we get this happy ending and it's like oh okay uh not for some of the crew but for some you know who sleep the whole time um but

It is. It is still for me. I think it's one of those teen movie that I watched as a teen that kind of stuck with me. I did have a score in mind, but we did have a lot of fun talking about it. And it is something that I. do remember enjoying a lot not because it's a good movie but because it was a bad movie that brought me and my brother a lot of joy so for me on a scale from one to ten

Sinister Slithering Snakes. I'm going to give Anaconda. I know it sounds high, but again, remind you I'm giving half a point for... I'm going to give Anaconda. A 7 out of 10. I have still a lot of fun with the movie. I know it's bad. I know it's not whatever. And I think it is that that works for me, that it's unintentionally funny. And it's not supposed to be because it is very serious. But it is that you guys are really trying.

yeah yeah it's not working i had said at some point either yesterday or today that i don't understand what Because again, Maximum Overdrive is fresh on the brain because we just did it. Why I got so much more enjoyment out of that than I did this. And I think it does come down to it taking itself. Too seriously. But at the same time, Stephen King was not trying to make what he came out with. So I don't know why it's more okay for that.

But less for I'm still trying to figure it out. But this was just less successful for me in regards to a quote unquote bad movie. You know what I mean? Maybe it didn't go far enough into ridiculousness, which is hard to say. based on what we just watched yeah so i don't i don't know what it is there's just some kind of disconnect there for me because you know i'd be loving some trash okay And this, it does deliver to a certain degree, but it's not that full out, so bad it's good.

fucking house of wax remake maximum of it's just not it is it didn't hit that for me and i really wanted it to so i mean that just kind of bums me out a little bit that being said i've already said how i feel about Just Jon Voight. All of that. All of whatever the fuck Cerrone was. I don't understand any of it. And peeling back the layers of the story that I thought. Fully made sense, was fully fleshed out. It's not even. So, I mean, you have these moments of.

getting extremely close to the so bad it's good and then you have moments where it's just kind of bad and I don't know I'm very I'm very conflicted because oddly enough I would watch this again to laugh at it yeah So I don't, I'm just very, I'm very conflicted. This one really threw me for a loop. I think I was expecting it to be worse than it was, if that makes sense. Okay. So we're just stuck in like this limbo of.

oh wow that's not a very good movie you know what i mean i don't know but i do need to say a number so i don't know if it will help or hurt but i think i read that roger ebert gave the film three and a half stars out of four Hmm. Are you pulling my dick, bro? It's like we are never on the same page. I don't know about that. That's a bit high. Yeah, that's a bit high. Never on the same fucking page. No.

Oh, my God. Well, I'm not giving it that. Right. On a scale from one to ten, Sinister Slithering Snakes. You got it. I am going to give Anaconda a 4.5. Okay. It's almost middle of the road, but it is also not good. Well, that's all from us at Podmortem. What would you rate Anaconda and what should we watch next?

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