Welcome to Pivot Parenting, where we help parents of teens overcome regret and disappointment to find peace and connection in every situation. I'm Heather Frazier, your parenting expert. Journey with me to discover effective parenting tips, improve family relationships, and build a brighter future for your kids. But it all ends. Tomorrow morning at 5:00 AM. When I take him to the airport. We're excited to be able to eventually go visit him. Hopefully the spring.
I do this podcast because I want to help you. This podcast is all about you and your family. And so I would love, love, love to help you.
This topic really hits home for me because I grew up in a household where my dad had chronic pain. Since before I was born, he broke his back. Missing two vertebraes. He now has a morphine pump, flake, chronic pain. My whole life. I grew up with apparent like this. And then shortly after I had my fourth child. I was trying to get in shape lifting weights at the gym.
Now my lens. Is through that of a parent and a coach. And on this topic, it also is through the lens of somebody having had a parent grow up with chronic pain. And illness and, , Also experiencing chronic pain for. Oh, about a decade myself. So I get this.
This is my first go-to lens to make sense of any sort of struggle. Or any sort of victory. Because then when I can understand it better. It is easier to know how it was created so I can replicate it or to something different. So, this is how we're going to look. At the concept of having a chronic diagnosis today. Now. Some will tell a chronically ill mother to do more self care. Yoga naps.
And this is good and fine. And sometimes there's really valuable insights shared in conversations like this. Again, I coached with a model that a circumstance thought feeling action result that I learned from the life coach school. Brooke Castillo. She's amazing. So if we plug into the equation, What this experience is like, we can get a lot of clarity on it. So the circumstance would be your diagnosis.
And then we have feelings. Based off of those. Thoughts or beliefs? We can feel ripped off. We can feel ashamed. We can feel sad, resentful, betrayed. Angry disappointed. We can have a lot of self judgment or self-loathing. Which yields your result.
Like I want to. And so then you dislike yourself and your life. More than before because of those beliefs that it should be different. It should be better. Something has gone wrong. You're clearly not good enough, whatever flavor you're selling yourself. And I want you to be really honest and take all the time that you need. To be honest in how you feel. About your diagnosis. Now we would all tiptoe around him and try to make his life easier because of this pain.
And when they go to do things. This fantastic. Brother-in-law. Tells them how it is. This is how many hours we're going to be gone. We're not coming back, even if you're in pain. So if you don't want to come, don't come. But if you come. Be ready just to suck it up. And this is what we're going to do. And he doesn't pull any punches. And he loves my dad and he's good to my dad. But he doesn't cater to my dad. And guess what. My dad typically goes and does the things with them.
Hi there. I just want to pause and let you know if you are struggling to make sense of your teen's behaviors, emotions are running wild and you're looking to turn things around to have the family you dreamed of while rocking them to sleep. I would love to talk to you. I want to give you a special powerful gift.
This episode right now that you're listening to could technically be considered a second installment. Of an episode that I recorded a couple of years ago with my pain coach, Betsy Jensen it's episode 106. Rewiring our pain. And if you search on my website, Heather frazier.com, you can put in a keyword like pain or Betsy, and it will come right up. You can listen to that.
And now I have it very little and my pain is actually a really great barometer for me. Uh, about how well my nervous system is coping with life. When I am really stressed old haunts of my chronic pain com a call-in. And I'm not saying this is a solution for everyone, but it was for me. And it was really helpful.
There's no harm in giving it. Uh, try. You're not going to make it worse. I promise. Again, we've got a circumstance thought feeling action result. The circumstance is going to stay the same. Kay. I have this diagnosis. I, my body feels this certain way. You're 100% worthy of love. You didn't do anything to deserve it. You're a good person. And none of us escape life without tests and trials and hardship. Because we are human and that is the human experience at its very core. Is hardship.
And those types of beliefs. I want you to find your own flavor. But those types of beliefs are going to create feelings of contentment. Gratitude. , love for our family. Desire. They're going to create more positive feelings, which from those positive feelings. We will have better actions. We will have more compassion on ourself. We will not be our own worst taskmaster. We will be more present when our children are upset and need us, because we won't be judging ourselves for not doing it a better job. We'll just be present with them even when we're tired.
How life doesn't have to be perfect in order to be happy. You're teaching them so many valuable lessons. They're learning valuable lessons when you're unable to get dinner. And they're learning how to be a help around the house. That's not a problem. It's not a problem when they have to give their siblings or ride. Or when you need to go to bed.
And that's a lie. Everybody needs to contribute. Tyler functional family and society. And so to have your kids contribute. It's not a problem. And then we can also choose to believe that it's not a problem. If we don't run the house exactly how we would like it to be run. Guess what? I have dirty dishes in my sink right now. And I would be embarrassed if anybody looked at the amount of crap on my floor. Because I haven't had time to sweep. I did all the laundry today, but it's sitting in a giant pile waiting to be folded. But guess who doesn't care?
Do you ever wake up and you're like, oh yeah, I need to call and arrange that. Or I need to do this. It's like the list never really ends. But we're dangling this carrot of like, I can't feel good about myself until all the boxes are checked. No. Did you know that the boxes can be there? And you can rest easy knowing. The you are worthy of love that you're a good parent. That you aren't supposed to meet.
So if all you can do is toss a bagel, somebody as they run out the door. And you can't make dinner. Perfect. You can still choose to believe you are so blessed. And it's okay to have pain and it is okay. That your kids need you and you can't meet all their needs. And it is okay to be exhausted. And you can give yourself a fat serving of grace. Otherwise, we've like not been productive enough and we can't be nice to ourself when we don't do that. Guess what? We have more energy.
Heather is the one, an expert in the field. She knows her parenting stuff, including how confusing it can be. You've tried it all, and it's a lost cause. Crying in the closet cause you failed at being a mom. But think again, there's peace around the corner. And there's hope in your hands Your kid just wants your love and you want it from them So take a pivot in the right step Through pivot parenting you can