Pirates: Totalus Rankium

Rob and Jamie•totalusrankiump.podbean.com

Lighthearted history podcast ranking all of the Golden Age Pirates. Brought to you by the same people who created Roman Emperors Totalus Rankium and American President Totalus Rankium

Last refreshed: July 10th, 2025 at 5:56 AM ⓘ

Follow this podcast in the Metacast mobile app to refresh it and see new episodes.

Follow on

Apple Podcasts

Spotify

RSS

Podcasts are better in Metacast mobile app

Don't just listen to podcasts. Learn from them with transcripts, summaries, and chapters for every episode. Skim, search, and bookmark insights. Learn more

Episodes

13.2 Edward Blackbeard Teach

Last time we covered the life of Blackbeard before he was famous. This time? Well, it's time to understand why he is the most famous pirate of all time!

Jul 09, 2025•1 hr 49 min

13.1 Edward Blackbeard Teach

It's the big one! Or at least the first half of the big one! Find out just why Blackbeard is the only pirate Jamie has heard of. We cover his early career under the notorious Captain Hornigold!

Jun 25, 2025•1 hr 23 min

12 John Martel

We are still in the Golden age! So does that mean more Sam Bellamy level antics? ... well, no. But we cover the history of Nassau. so that's good.

Jun 11, 2025•1 hr 19 min

Oh, we have hit the Golden Golden age now! This is what we signed up for. Black Flags, Skull and cross bones, parrots! Levels of nudity that would ensure HBO would have to make the TV version! Black Sam has it all.

May 29, 2025•1 hr 46 min

10.5 Woods Rogers

This week we go off script. We are not coving a pirate from the General History - but instead we are coving a man who will be popping up a lot in the future: None other than the pirate hunter Woods Rogers! And we try and answer the simple question: Woods Rogers?

May 14, 2025•1 hr 11 min

10 Nathaniel North

We come to the end of the Pirate Round. North is perfect as he Forrest Gumps his way around the Indian Ocean. Let's do one last round before the Golden Age really begins!

Apr 30, 2025•1 hr 30 min

09 David Williams

What happens when a Welsh farm boy is abandoned naked on the shore of Madagascar? Probably piratey shenanigans! Probably.

Apr 16, 2025•1 hr 4 min

08 Samuel Burgess

After having the good man of piracy with Halesy last time, we now go to the bad man of piracy. Was he a pirate? Was he a slaver? Find out!

Apr 02, 2025•1 hr 8 min

07 John Halsey

Who is John Halsey? Is he the nice man of piracy? Does he have a plan? Where did all the dragons come from? Find out in this episode!

Mar 19, 2025•1 hr 29 min

06 Thomas White

What to do with a pirate we are not 100% sure was real? Cover him anyway and hope for the best! Check out Bluesky and facebook to see the images connected to this episode. https://bsky.app/profile/totalusrankium.bsky.social/post/3ljl7gf5k2c24 https://bsky.app/profile/totalusrankium.bsky.social/post/3ljl7iflrb224...

Mar 05, 2025•1 hr 21 min

05 John Bowen

Our pirate from last episode had a fellow pirate captain that he worked with. But was Bowen better than Howard? Did he take more ships? Did he instil more fear? Why should he look out for red fish? And does anyone know how to make a Tom Collins around here? Find out all the answers to these questions!

Feb 19, 2025•1 hr 52 min

04 Thomas Howard

We enter the dark ages of our series where the names are not so well known. We have only the general history to rely on but does this mean Howard will be dull? Or is he a hidden gem? Find out!

Feb 05, 2025•1 hr 35 min

03 William Kidd

Our third pirate is one of the most famous pirates of the time. He may not be too well known now, but back in pirate times he was up there with the best of them. But why? What makes Kidd so special? And more importantly, do we finally have a good ship name?

Jan 22, 2025•1 hr 46 min

02 Thomas Tew

Our second pirate is the aptly named Thomas Tew. We saw Tew in Avery's episode when Avery took command of the pirate fleet. But how did Tew do on the attack? And just how friendly was his ship? Find out!

Jan 08, 2025•1 hr 26 min

01 Henry Avery

So it begins! Join us as we look at the first pirate we will be covering. The pirate all other pirates wanted to be, the Robin Hood of the seas, it's Henry Avery! (or Every. or Everie. or... never mind, spelling was optional back then)

Dec 26, 2024•1 hr 21 min

00 Ahoy Matey!

Welcome to the introduction episode for Pirates: Totalus Rankium! We are going to be ranking all the Golden Age pirates found in The General History of Pirates. Join us as we lightheartedly look at each one in turn. 30 pirates, but which one is the best? Find out!

Dec 25, 2024•47 min

For the best experience, listen in Metacast app for iOS or Android