Welcome to episode number six of the pin podcast. Today, we're going to be talking about being fat, but before we begin with today's podcast, if you don't know, or it's your first time listening, the pin podcast is a podcast about modern day living with a vintage player . And today , um, before we start, I wanted to say thank you to everyone that has been listening to all the podcast . I really appreciate all the amazing feedback that I've received and the texts that I've gotten from you guys.
If you guys don't know, you could send any questions, topic ideas, guest ideas, two one eight three three, four eight, pin up again. The number is one eight three three, four eight up very catchy. Why didn't you say it is a member ? Yes. And if , um , you have, I want to start a new segment starting next week about giving shout outs.
So feel free to text me if you want to give a shout out to your friend or your fellow pinup girl, if you want to shout out your car or you just want to shout out any, anything I'm going to do shout outs at the end of every podcast. So if you wanted to say, Hey, I have a new artwork I've been working on, check me out on Instagram. I'll shout you out. So make sure to text me at one eight, three, three, four, a pinup. And today we have a, a veteran of the PID podcast. We have Vivian with us.
She was my guest in episode number two. And if you don't know who she is, she's amazing talented. One of the brightest artists here in South Florida and her Instagram, Twitter, all her handles is out at the Luna, Miami that's right? Yeah. And she has a website@delunamiami.com and she'll be joining us today for our little chat about being fat. Thank you for having me back. You are so welcome. And for this subject, of course, it is a very sensitive subject.
You know, some people don't like talking about the way that they look or they feel insecure. I mean, I know that I'm talking about this subject and I'm going to open up and it's still, you know, I still have to go through it everyday . Cause I see myself in the mirror.
And uh , so we're just going to talk about it because I'm pretty sure a lot of us feel the same way, but we never have an outlet where to chat and see, you know, just talk it out, air it out and just to make sure to let everyone listening, know that you're not alone basically. Cause I there's times I felt alone in situations feeling inadequate in the way that I look or look at it . I'm talking about the way that I look and I keep touching myself. Hi. So Vivian, what do you consider fat ?
Like when you hear the word fat on the street, what do you think of like, Oh, fat is like the
Other F word. It's a bad word.
Do you get women that I get women all the time that are even close to me today that tell me Jennifer, don't call yourself fat. You're not fat. Like it's not a bad thing.
Well, that's how I see it too. Like I've been overweight my entire life. So I guess I've come to terms with it and I don't see it as a bad thing. It's just part of who I am. You know, I am plus-sized , I am fat, you know, it's me. I don't, I don't see it as something bad, but I guess it depends on, you know , um , in the media we're constantly being told fat is bad. Fat means different things to different people. Um, you know , so I guess it depends. Yeah. There's a lot of fat stigmas. Like,
Like for example, have you ever felt like you had to prove your fatness, your worth because people were judging you because you're fat. I could give you an example. I used to live in an apartment complex. Right? And I would be scared of when a friend or roommate of mine. I was at college at the time. She'll be like, Oh, do you want to take the elevator or the stairs?
So I automatically say stairs, cause I don't want to make it sound like I'm the lazy fat girl that doesn't want to go up the elevator. But that's self-conscious because I'm pretty sure that other girl is not thinking that. But at that time I was because I was very self conscious about the way that I looked cause like yourself, I've always been a bigger girl than all my surroundings.
I think we do it to ourselves. Like it just becomes part of like your subconscious. So you, like you said, you, you, the other person might not even be thinking it . And that might not even cross our mind at that moment, but you're thinking in you , you don't want to be lazy or whatever. Like I live in an apartment complex and my neighbor is notorious for parking incorrectly. He loves the park over the line and I have an SUV.
He has this huge truck, which are probably not the, you know, the right kind of cars to have at an apartment complex parking lot. But every day, you know, I have a hard time getting in and out of my car and I always think, is it because I'm bigger. And then I look at the lines and I'm like, no, it's because he left me three inches between the cars. You know, it has nothing to do with my size, but it's true. It's like ingrained in us. Yeah .
And you equal, like I'm not saying at all means. And I'm being real here. That fat equals fat is not a good thing. Like being fat is I'm not glorifying being fat either because you know, there is some health to it. But again, it doesn't define that you're healthier . Not if that makes sense, because a lot of , I think the , with the word fat people think fat equals no self control cause you're fat. Cause you can't stop eating. Right .
And you're lower in the chain of humanity because you can't control yourself and your worth .
Yeah. You hear, sometimes people complain like that. Even their doctors don't really pay attention to, you know , their ailments and stuff because they associated with just because they're fat. Well, I'm like the healthiest fat person you'll meet because I don't have, you know, high cholesterol and I don't have diabetes, you know, I don't have any health issues really. Um, but I've always been overweight.
So, you know, I've tried every diet in the book, you know, I joined the gym, I used to work out with friends and I just have, I'll have always had a really hard time losing weight. And now like, even though I'm still always on a diet, you know, me and you know that I'm always on a diet. Um, but still I've come to accept it. And I don't, I don't stress out about it as much anymore. Like I used to when I was younger.
Yeah. Sometimes I , I used to feel this way and I don't get it misunderstood because I like to dress up. But don't you ever feel like you have to have a standard in how you look because I used to compensate how I dressed with being fat. Okay. Let me explain myself here. So because I'm fat people assume you're lazy. So if I don't dress up and look nice, people will automatically assume I'm just a fat, lazy girl. So I always tried really hard to Just do my hair, not look to make up for that.
Cause when you say fat, you think style like pig style and you look looking like a , he just ruined over, you were in a pig style and I don't know , have you ever gone through that? Um, maybe, yeah. I've always loved fashion and I've always been very into like dressing up and not necessarily , um , super girly, but at the same time, very girly. Um, but yeah, I totally understand what you mean because I have felt like that.
Like if I don't dress up and then I look like I'm sloppy or like I'm lazy and I didn't try, but I just love dressing up. I do it because I like it. And I, you know, I like to, you know , keep up with like, I'm kind of quirky and you know, he centric sometimes in how I dress and style myself. Um, but I do it because I enjoy that. Not so much, you know, to make up for being a plus size girl. I hear you.
And so when did you realize, or I'm pretty sure we all still struggle with the way that we, well , the way I'm speaking for myself, the way that we feel , uh , w I still struggle with it sometimes, but much better now than when I did a couple of years ago, I was, I went through a rough time accepting that the way I look is the way that I look not accepting it, but that other people had a hard time accepting it. I think that's the issue. Like I finally accepted myself for who I am.
I've always been overweight, but it's society. That's always making me second. Guess my choices. Yeah, absolutely. Did you ever have like an awakening? Well , we see it everywhere. Like every commercial is like the skinny, you know, gorgeous woman or , um, you see it on TV shows. Most of the actresses are thin, or you , you hear , um , actresses that are plus size how they struggle to find roles in Hollywood and things like that. I think you get it from everywhere. You know?
Um, growing up in a Latin household, I got it from my family too. Cause it was like, you know, you can't eat too much because then you're going to gain weight. But then if you don't eat enough disrespectful, right? It's like, well , you're going to finish the play , you know? And it's like, wait, he just told me I shouldn't eat so much. So I think we get it from everywhere. Well , talking about family, do you think that our way has to do with a lot of people, blame parents?
Like if you see a fat kid in school, there'll be like, Oh my God, the kids, the parents have no discipline. They let the kids eat, whatever they want. Do you feel that way? Uh, no. Not at all. Cause you were a teacher. I was a teacher. I found this out a long time ago. Um, no, because growing up my mom, my mom's always been very thin and she was always very health conscious. So when we were little, like what we had at home was skim mill fat free food.
Um, my mom used to cook pretty healthy, you know, Cuban I'm Cuban and a lot of vegetables and things like that. But other than that, you know, it was, it wasn't that bad. My mom didn't let us eat a lot of junk food and things like that. Um, and my sister growing up was very thin. So I think it's more an issue of metabolism and hereditary. Well, not so much hereditary because my family said they were skinny, at least in my family. I mean, growing up, my parents were bigger.
Um, but then the last week when they got older, when I went to college, but I'm a twin. So for me it was difficult because my sister is we're fraternal twins. We don't look alike. Thank God. It'd probably be worse growing up. But we were always compared for everything. So I feel bad when I meet a twin. Cause I know the struggle is if your parents are strict, they'll be like, wait, your sister did get an a in this, how come you did this? Or your sister is doing this. How come you're doing that?
Hey, you're getting fat, your sister, his sister, my sister and I were always compared a lot. I mean, I'm not a twin we're four years apart, but it was kind of the same thing. I hated him because I've always been the chubby one. My sister has always been the athletic one. So we're totally different opposites. We grew up eating the same foods, you know? So, and you see, our bodies are just different, mean you've met my sister.
So the same household, even our attitudes, like I don't curse, but she curses, you know, it's totally different. So I don't think I would, I had no idea. You guys were twins until like they said, yeah , we look nothing alike. There's cousins that look more like they're her sisters.
I am her sister.
So it just, but I do see other women that I've talked to because the reason I started growing more into my blogging and more into going out is because I had a lot of women coming up to me telling me that I inspired them to be themselves because you know, having yellow hair, wearing the dresses that I do, I do get attention and I don't do it for attention. But I, the attention I do love is these women that have like the power of thinking, Oh man, if she does it, I can do it too.
And it really does humble me to know that that I'm helping women, you know, humble is not the word I think. But you know, I'm helping women get over that fear and hump and be themselves wear that lipstick, wear that skirt, you know, where the flowers that you like in bright colors and dire hair and you know, don't do it. Cause people are looking well, I'm the same way. Like I'm centric a little bit. You have a moon on your head. I'll put anything on my head further .
I think in my past life, I was either a drag queen or a show girl because I'll put anything on my head. But um , I get it too . Like I'm not a model. I'm not, I don't have any interest in being kind of like, you know, I do this for you kind of thing, but otherwise, no. Um, but I have people stop me all the time and say, Oh, that's such a pretty dress. You know, I didn't know. You can get dresses like that in that size. And I'm like, yeah. Oh yes, yes. It's another thing called the worldwide web.
You know, you can get any size you can. So I mean , I don't. So to that degree, I just do little, little craft things. Um, but I've never really had a problem finding clothing. Oh , I have. I mean, I've been lucky, I guess. Well , for me it , the thing is, okay, this is getting personal check pin up Miami pencil right here for me. I know. Okay. Maybe by looking at me, you can't tell, but I can't fit in one store.
So for my hip area, anything from my waist down, I would have to go to like the plus size section or to Torrid and then anything on the top, if it's normal sizing, it was vintage Ribeiro . Everything is on the big side. But if it's like Mo like normal stores or thrift stores, the tops is like normal plus size. If you , if you know what I mean. So I'm always in between and I always have to mix and match and I can't really find a dress.
So this is why, you know, I started sewing was because I love these types of dresses, but I can never find something that fits everywhere in my body perfectly. Well, actually, I'm going to go back on something that I just said, I did use to have a problem finding clothing. I don't so much anymore, but growing up , um , when I was like in high school, I mean, I was a plus size girl in high school.
So for like prom and stuff like that back then, and the nineties back in the nineties, it was harder to find plus size clothes that was more useful and funky, which is my style. Um, so I used to, my mom used to have someone, so my dresses for like problems or dances and stuff like that. Um, but you know, nowadays I don't really have a problem. Um, I know before dresses were kind of cut on a very square kind of silhouette for plus sizes and , uh , I'm not square.
I have a waist, I have a big, you know, have big hips. I have an ass. So that, I guess I'm more curvy even though I'm large, you know, and now it's working is in, and now it's working.
Yeah .
But , um, now I find it easier, you know, to find designers that will design for my shape. You know, it's not, we're not like a one size fits, all right. You know , the , we come, you know , plus size girls come in all shapes and sizes as well. That's why when I see plus size models on TV or plus-sized like on magazines or even, and they're usually not plus size, they're there . They don't look. Plus I used to me and they have their fat in all the right places like Ashley.
I was hitting the famous, the first sports illustrated plus size model Graham, Ashley Graham. She's great. She's beautiful. But I'm just saying she's not the norm body per plus size.
So when people say plus size, they think, Ooh, the boobs and then the thin like smaller waist and then the big hips, when in reality, like you're saying, it's not a one size fits all, you know, I think that's why , um , Tess holiday has been popular because her body is not norm and it's, it's everywhere, but it's, it's probably the norm in the plus size world, you know, and she's gotten so much backlash for, you know, being a larger model.
Um, and she always talks about her struggles and , um , booking gigs and stuff because of that, because she's, you know , tattooed and she is a plus size. She's like a size 22. I think she , she mentioned sometimes. Um, so it is harder for her to book gigs, even though she actually looks more like, you know, me or someone, my size she's alternative big. Yeah. And yeah, that's the thing we need more worth is representation of like the norm body, the norm plus-sized .
And , uh, and then , then that goes into, you know, talking about test holiday goes into dating because her husband is thinner and I've heard a lot of hate towards her husband because why can't you be with such a big girl? You know, have you ever had any issues dating with your sides? Well , I have issues dating yes, period, but it has nothing to do with my size. If you're from South Florida. I think every woman in South Florida has like , uh , stories about dating these .
I like to refer myself to myself
Repellent. So yes, I do have issues daily, but it has nothing to do with my size . And I have friends who are posting
My sister. Who's like, she's younger than me, but she's like my role model, my sister never had an issue dating ever. She used to tell me it has nothing to do with your size. And she was absolutely right. It has nothing to do with my size. I think a lot of it has to do with South Florida. And the other part is just me. I don't know. I'm just, I have, I've never had a lot of luck in that area, but I don't think it has to do with, you know , because I'm fat, then I kept find a boyfriend.
No, I don't think it has to do with that. What I have dated has , you know what , I do have a relationship with it doesn't really affect me in that way. Hmm . Well, when I was online dating,
I either .
Okay. So I do dress a certain way. Right. And I have yellow hair and I, you know, even though I'm very bubbly, some people interpret it as a fetish. So I've either gotten like people having a fat fetish dating me. And I found out later on, they were, when some guy mentioned, we went on the second day and he's like, I hope you never lose weight. Cause then this will never work. And I'm like, what ? And he wanted me to get fatter and it's like weird.
So either, I mean, I don't lie in my pictures, but I'm sure if you just take selfies and then a guy sees you, I've heard women that only have selfies on their dating profiles. And then when they meet the guy, the guy's like, Oh wait, I didn't know you were fat and I've heard it happened. And I can't imagine that terrible feeling of showing up. And then the guy bluntly telling you, Oh yeah, no, I have a hate, hate relationship with online dating apps. I just think it's not for me.
But you know, then I think then what's the alternative. How do you meet people nowadays? So I do use the apps and I've never lied on the app. Some , I always take current pictures. You know, when I started , um, when I stopped dying my hair and my hair is gray. Now I , I wanted to make sure like, even through the whole process that, you know, people saw that my hair was gray.
Cause I didn't want to show up to a date and then , then be like, wait a minute, you look like my grandmother and then your pictures, you had flaming red hair. So what happened? So I've always, you know , put pictures that are current and you know, they can see that I have a large ass . They can see that I'm a big girl. Um, I don't see any point in lying about it. Cause then what's the point they're attracted to something that you're not. So why do that? I agree with you.
I was, when I was on these dating apps, I was very honest. I had pictures maybe too honest. Cause I put even funny pictures up Part of your personality. Um , you know, I wanted to know fun, bubbly. I even put like me as a zombie because I love Halloween. It was just weird. But
Yeah ,
Online dating was not really my thing either. I didn't meet my boyfriend, Tim online. I was lucky to actually meet him in person. I feel like now that's a rare thing to do. So I got lucky with him, but my ex I did meet online. And then a lot of dates in between that were online that were pretty interesting. That could be like a whole book that you guys could purchase is a comic book. I feel like we should have another episode of the podcasts solely on like online dating. You know why ?
Yes. Send me online dating stories.
I would do a whole episode on online dating. So send me a story. Tell me your story and I will air it out here. Even if you call the number, you can also call one eight three, three, four, eight pin up and leave a voicemail and I will play it on the air because I want to hear dating stories. So make sure to leave a voicemail or text online dating stories to one eight, three, three, four, eight pin up . That would be amazing. The juicy or the better
That's what would be a fun episode. So stay tuned
Now talking to back about, you know, being fat. Um, for me, you know, I, I don't know. I can't, I was the whole, the whole day today. I've been trying to think like when did I really , when was I comfortable? I mean, I'm not a hundred percent comfortable with myself. Um, I don't really do diets or different things, but , um, I really think for me, I just felt comfortable when I realized that if I don't love myself, how can I expect somebody to love me?
But I know when I talked to other girls that struggled or have a hard time, I'm always trying to figure out how I could get them to think the way I think. But it's always hard because you know, everyone's so different. I really want to shake them and be like, Hey, just love yourself first. You know? And then if you really want to change something, work on it, but don't discourage yourself. You know, you told me that you, you go on diets.
Well, I know you go on diets , but you know, you try not to let it discourage you. You just kind of keep trying. If one thing doesn't work, you keep going. Um , just like with this podcast, I started it and I've had mistakes already, but I learned from him when I move on. And that's what I try. I guess, when I started realizing that that's how life works and that's how you improve yourself, you get to move forward. And absolutely , and that's a journey in and of itself the journey to self love.
And I think everybody goes through that, no matter your size, but confidence is a huge part. You know, I , I feel that, you know , I'm 43 years old. I think you just age yourself. I know
Why hide it.
Um, but no, but that way you can
Tell me , I'll be , look you up . But I really am .
I think it comes with age too. Like I I've always felt, you know , like a confident person, but the older I get, the more confident I feel and I feel more confident in my own skin. And that, that translates to a lot of different areas. It translates to dating. It translates to a lot of, you know, in the workplace as well. Um, if somebody is not comfortable because I'm overweight and it's like, well, that's your problem. That's not mine. Or I get even my own family in the beginning.
They did not like my yellow staple hair. They call me a little chicken in Spanish and not in a nice way, but,
But , uh, it took me a while to be like, this is my , this is what I like. I was happy when I died . It it's been now it's gonna be four and a half years. I've had it yellow. And my family still gives me stuff for it. But it's , it's like what you say, it's their problem. They don't like it I'm wearing it. So yeah, for me, like I went through, I never had yellow hair and I have blue hair purple hair because you know, when I went through that, those colors weren't available.
Um, but I went through every shade of orange and red hair that you can possibly think of like as funky as possible. I used to call it old Cuban lady red. Um, that's what I went through. I went through all those shades and my family had the same reaction. I come from a very conservative family and it was like, are you really gonna have your hair like that? You're going to go to work like that.
So, you know, and now it's, I stopped dying my hair, but now it's are you really gonna wear those feathers? Are you good ? Are you really good ? You just go to the movies. Are you really gonna wear that thing? Yeah. So it doesn't, you know, I wear it for myself. It doesn't bother me. So it shouldn't bother you. I get that a lot from other girls. You don't have to dress up to go here. I'm like, this is what I do . Yeah. I'm not wearing it for you.
I'm wearing it because honestly the stuff I wear is to make me feel confident. I know I don't need the makeup . I not only the lipstick, I still will rock it , but it's also, I, I just, it makes me feel good. Just like your hair and your flowers and your feathers and your moon and your artwork. And how about in the workplace? Like do you feel, I don't know.
I, the only thing I could say in my, in my workplace , you know, and when I've worked in warehouses, people will assume that I could carry weight or boxes around just cause I'm big taking up space wise, not big, like big, but it's not true. It's the only time I've ever felt like wrong . Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I could carry a box. You never had any experiences at work? Um, no, not really. I guess I've been lucky in that sense.
I'm in my office, even though I'm always the one on the diet, whenever there's a party or um, like if you cut a cake for someone's birthday, no , I'm not first. I'm usually the one in charge of cutting the cake and it's like really people, a diet , you know this about me. Why do I have to be the ones that cut the cake? But I'm even in my family too at family parties, I'm usually the one either serving the food or cutting the cake.
I don't know if it has anything to do with the fact that I'm overweight or if it's just because I'm kind of like motherly and you know, like the house grandma, I don't know . And I like to help and feed people because I really do like feeding people. Um, but I don't think it has really my weight . I don't think it has affected me in the workplace.
Have people ever, like told, said something when you, then when you talk about weight and they automatically bring up the TV show, like my 600 pound knife know, but I can't watch that show because whenever I do, it's like going down the rabbit hole and I always watch it and think, Oh my God, is that going to be me? Like, am I going to keep gaining weight? Am I going to be the 600 pound girl someday? Like it messes with my head. So I try not to watch it. See , I wouldn't have thought about that.
I just get mad. I'm like, Whoa, like, why are you comparing me to that? Because like how you said you were like healthy, like I could move around. Heck Tim, my boyfriend I'm outing him out. Let's see if he tells me something. I know that he's listening to this part .
Right ,
Tim, for example, we go to Disney world and uh , he starts getting tired and I just keep going. I'm like on, on, on, on, on, I keep going, yo, Tim, let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. And I walk around, we'll go walk around the park 300 times and Epcot around the world and he'll be on the floor dying or want to eat something. I'm like, no, let's go. And I'm like, and I'm the fat one. Yeah. Okay. My travel partner is my friend Muhammad . He is notorious for walking.
He will walk from here to the morning. Someone lets him and I keep up with him. You know, when we travel, I always tell him I can't run, but I can walk. So as long as we're walking, I can, you know, and I keep quiet. I do get tired of course, because [inaudible] , but I'll, you know, I keep going and I, you know, I'll, I'll do whatever we need to do. I even told Tim to get personal training and well, because of the quarantine he hasn't gone. So I'm getting , I have, I'm the stronger one again.
And I have friends that are very athletic. One of my best friends , um , does she's a plus size girl and she does CrossFit. She's amazing. She's one of like the strongest , um, athletes at her gym. She's a plus size girl. So it doesn't matter. I think the size, you know, you could be healthy and still athletic and be larger.
You know, it's just, I guess your, your makeup, you know, your, your body, it's the thing that we have to take the word fat and that equally to no self control and worthlessness, because that's what we're getting in. Every conversation when somebody says something about being fat, it's because they're , they're the synonym. They probably look it up. And as a synonym, fat equals worthless and no correlate or lazy . Or if you go to like, if you even mentioned, Oh, I want to go to the buffet.
They're gonna be like, of course, cause you found one, Hey, skinny people like to eat too . There's nothing wrong with that . The difference is if a skinny person were to say, Hey, can I get that double Mac , whatever, double burger cheese with whatever on top. It sounds different. You know, even to us, even to me, if I were to see a fat person say, and then a skinny person say it , you know, you already subconsciously know that shit. It's cause she's fat . She wants that. And what do you think?
I think it will change in society. I think things will get better. Or what do you think? I think there's a, there's been a big push towards body positivity in the last few years. There's a lot of , um , um, like Instagram models or personalities that have come up that really push the boundaries of body positivity. Um, like you mentioned Tess holiday earlier , um, Denise Bidot is another model. Who's a plus size model and she has , um, a big push towards that.
So I think, you know, little by little, but the only of those changes,
The only thing I didn't like that tested once and correct me if I'm wrong, if I'm thinking of somebody else is that, you know, I love the body positivity, but I don't like, I think she did a photo shoot eating a burger. Like I think that's just pushing it too much.
Well, she likes to , um, like bait people. Sometimes. I think she does that a lot
Because I know, like I said in the beginning, like I know I'm fat and I'm not promoting it that it's like, amazing. Just eat whatever you want. You know, you gotta do it as healthiness. Like she's eating healthy. I'm trying my best. I really don't eat that much tea . My boyfriend and my sister , my sister, this smaller in height and has like a six pack. And those CrossFit eats so much more than me. So it's not about intake.
Right? Well, there's a lot of factors too . You know, they're hormonal issues. There's people that have issues with thyroid PCO . So , um, you shouldn't judge someone just by looking at them and think like, Oh, she's fat, she's lazy. She sits her on eating Bon bons all day because you don't know what that person does in their life. You don't know what health factors affect their weight.
You hit that right on the head. You can't judge anybody. Yeah. Before you judge somebody else, look at yourself, just like our stories here. You know, we self-love absolute love yourself before you go out and say, Oh, what does she think about wearing those pants? What if that's the only thing she had to wear that day? What if she doesn't have money to buy other clothes?
So it's kind of like that mentality even, you know, we are, everyone's guilty sometimes of judging people, but you have to realize it that we don't know what the hell
Nobody's perfect. Correct. You know, it comes with being self aware and just catching yourself and, you know , opening your mind to it's like looking at a skinny model and thinking, well, she needs a cheeseburger. You don't know what you know. Yes. I think it affects her being thinner. Or if that's just her choice to meet, then, you know ,
There was this famous YouTuber that she was very skinny and people bullied her for being so thin. And I'm sure that she felt the same way that a big girl would feel online being bullied about her weight. But she was high. She's very famous, but she, she was so skinny and like, people would say, girl , you need to eat, you need to do this. But in reality, she was going through so much mental stuff, but she never posted anything about her mentality.
You know , you know, her health , mental health or what she's going through because it's nobody's business. And she also went to fountain aisles .
I can picture, it's only like a snapshot of what goes on and you know, each person's life. So,
Yeah . And that's what I'm hoping with this podcast that a lot of people just know me as in my pictures, my fun videos,
But I really want to talk about subjects that, you know , I go through, you go through my viewers, go through. So I think today we went through a lot and in the fat world, and there's so much like the only time that I really feel a hundred percent self-conscious is when I have to travel and I love to travel. So I try to not let that stop me. Why would you find out whenever I have a trip coming up, I always get like , um, like anxiety about it.
Because first of all, I don't know if it's just me, if it's my face, if it's my body, if it's because I'm big or not, but every single time I go through security, I get patted down. They want to touch that juicy . You know, I go through TSA and I'm already like, okay, do I look like a terrorist? What is it about me that cause you hiding them gun ? Where am I hiding the gun? So that's the first thing. And then the second thing is, you know, airplanes are very tight, very tight.
So if I'm traveling by myself that I always wonder, like , is the person next to me going to be uncomfortable because you know, I'm bigger. So I try to get an ILC and kind of like lean over. So not bother that person. And you're uncomfortable the whole time you in a small crap seat, you do get uncomfortable. Yeah . Cause you went really far last time. Where did you go to Norway? Norway. How long was that flight? Um, I think that flight was like 12 hours. Something like that.
Yeah. And then, and then you just got to realize, you know, surprisingly , um, I flew us Scandinavian airlines , um, Scandinavian people. This is, I guess a stereotype, but they're known for being tall and thin. This is for the most part, not everybody, but for the most part. Um, and they'll see, we're actually a little bit more comfortable than, you know, like American airlines is the worst. They're so tight and cramped and those people are skinny.
Yeah. Before we go, I have one story to tell that you just reminded me of, well two , before I say my story and let me ask you a question, because now that you're talking about flights, do you think it is like , um , Hey , I'm blanking out on the word. When people have to buy people are so big. They, the company like airline American airlines told you, you have to buy two seats, right. Or first class or something. Do you think that that is like right or wrong? That's difficult.
I mean, I don't want to buy two tickets, you know, to fly somewhere up to now. I've never had to do that, but they shouldn't be penalized, you know, because they're larger. But I don't know, even for skinny people, but the seats are really small and cramped. Yeah. That's something to think about. I haven't been in that situation, but I would , it would be so embarrassing, but I have had the worst part
Is for me, if the seatbelt doesn't fit, that happens. That has happened to me a couple of times that the seatbelt doesn't go all the way. I haven't, even though I feel very confident in myself and everything, I haven't built up enough confidence to ask for a seatbelt extender , which you can do the store. This is, we'll give you a seatbelt extender . And apparently is no big deal. Um, but I've, I've always been embarrassed to do that. It doesn't happen every time.
I guess it depends on the airplane, but they checked . So when they see that it doesn't, it's not always kind like it looks like, and it's not safe because then if something happens at my seatbelt's not on, but that's another thing that gives me a lot of anxiety. Oh man. I can't imagine like my heart would drop in a story of like the story of mine is when I first started dating Tim , my first like ha you know, in the beginning he wanted to go to Rapids, water park.
It's a big waterpark in South Florida. What's up North ish. And I read reviews about this place and the reviews would say,
Hold on one moment, one moment. Okay.
So sorry about that. The reviews were saying things like , um, Bigger people would say, Oh, they judge me because I was fat. They didn't let me ride the rides. There's a weight limit. But the way that they go around it is a very embarrassing. And, and I was, I was thinking, okay, what is the weight limit? So then I went to the Rapids water park thing and it said, Oh, it's 150 pounds to ride most of the rides. And I'm thinking, okay, I'm not 250 pounds. So I should be able to ride all the rides.
No problem. And me thinking, I don't look fat. I strutted in there. And my bikini and the first ride Timmy wanted to ride. We got in these long stairs , waited a long time. And this is like an old waterpark . So it's all metallic everywhere. And then when we finally got to the top, it was like, the couple in front of me had a couple in front of , it was not a couple was a father and son. And it was like a one of those rides for two. So they waned.
And then the guy this like bulk lifeguard looking guy looks at me, let's Timmy go first. Cause he was carrying the , the, the rock , the raft and had him set it up with the other guy. And then the other guy goes to me, ma'am stand right here. And there was literally a scale, like one of those doctors scale. And I was, and I was nervous. Cause I thought, Tim he's looking at me. He knew , I didn't know. It was so embarrassing. And then the guys behind me were like buff , like the rock.
I'm pretty sure they weigh more than 250 pounds. I'm just saying. And then he weighs me and I'm nowhere I wasn't near 250 pounds. And it was just so embarrassing. I was, and then I was like, hoping like, Oh my gosh, I hope he didn't see me. Cause again, this is when we first started dating and I shouldn't care because I knew I wasn't that way. It was just like the way it was done because it was literally in front of people.
Yeah. And there's this terrible , it's not like a Disney world that everything's covered and all the lines it's literally, you're waiting there. Everyone's seeing him do the little doctor thing. And then yeah. And then I went on the ride. He said, you're fine. And then I was so I don't know if it was, cause I was nervous.
I got stuck in the ride and I'm thinking it's because I'm fat . So I kept pushing on the plastic,
Keep going. And we finally made it out. But, and then after that I told Tim, Oh, you know, I lied. And this is one of our relationship moments that we grew up . Well, I grew into being more open with him because that day I was not open, but I cried my little eyes out without him seeing me. And I told, cause I told him, Oh, you know what? After that ride, I'm not into it anymore. You ride the other ones by yourself. Like, are you sure? I don't want to. And he stayed with me for awhile .
But then I said, bro, ride the ride. And then I went to a corner and I just started crying because it was so embarrassing and I had to let it out. So then any ride that had any of those warnings on there that said two 50, I didn't even want to like entertain the idea. I just said, Ooh , that's too scary. Like an idiot. But like a month later I opened up to Tim and I told him exactly what happened because he needs to know that that happened because I don't want him to think I was a scary cat.
Cause I was mad . Like what was his reaction? Because he probably had no idea. He had no idea. He's like what's no, I thought it was because you were just scared. I mean, there was one ride that was scary. But, but he thought it was literally, I played it off really well. He didn't realize anything was really wrong. He didn't notice it . I was crying again. Cause I mean, I was in the water. So I guess you can't really tell tears and water. Yeah. But yeah, they really make you feel bad.
So I believe those reviews at Rapids or have them, or have them weigh you in the front. Like, I don't know if somebody suspects is that you're fat have them weigh you like maybe like , okay, nevermind. If you have a purple wristband, you can not go on the run . I'm sorry. I don't know. I've been trying to think of like alternatives. At least you wouldn't be waiting in front of everybody then yes. Make it a cute little purple wristband or something. Well, I had a sin .
It wasn't, I guess that bad, but I felt as bad as I think you felt that day when I turned 40, my friends and I went to universal studios because I wanted to go to the Harry Potter area. I'm a big Harry Potter fan. And I dressed as
A hog word student at 40 years old do wait . You are never leaving her best tool to do these things. So we get to the park, mind you, my friends who were a little bit younger than me did not dress up as Hogwarts students, but I did. And we get there and I was so excited and I'm there, you know, with my Gryffendor tie and my uniform and the whole thing.
And I had a Griffendor hair flower and everything and we're going through the park and I was super excited and you know, people would comment on my outfit and the whole deal and we get to the Hogwarts ride and I was so excited. I'm not a big ride person. Like I don't like regular too fast or roller coasters or anything, but it's exactly a Terri pot .
And I had heard so much about the ride that it was done so well and so intricate and everything because someone in the castle, the one in the castle. Okay . So there was a million people. Cause I think it was like a long weekend when we went and it was really crowded. And I did see outside the ride that they have like a mock seat so that you can test to see , to make sure if you fit properly or whatever. But I looked at it and I was like, I'm fine. I'm not going to have a problem.
So we go in we're in this long, long line for like an hour and a half. And as we're getting close to like being able to go on the ride, this very nice employee of universal studios is like, ma'am can I speak to you for a second? Can you , can you step over here? At least he pushed you to say no, he was super nice. He pulled me out of the line and I'm like looking back at my friends , like what what's happening, what's happening.
So he pulls me aside and he's like, did you, by any chance, test the seat that was outside to make sure you fit properly. Cause it's one of those that has like the bars that go over you, I think. And I was like, Oh no, no, I didn't test the seat . He's like, can you come with me and test the seed ? I want to make sure that you're going to fit properly in the seat. And I was mortified. I wanted the ground to like just open up and swallow me alive.
And you were in line for an hour and a half after being in line for an hour and a half. Yes. So he goes, he takes me, it was like a private area. So it wasn't in front of other people. Um, and I didn't fit in the seat and I was so disappointed, but I wanted to die. So I go back to my friends and I explained what happened. My friends were like, they were amazing. They were like, okay, we're not going to write you a check on the right word , not going on the right.
So we ended up leaving, but the rest of the day I want , I just, I didn't want to go on any more rights. I didn't want to look at anything. I just, I felt so bad because I just felt like, okay, I can't do something because I'm fat. That's sucks. You know?
And then when I got back home and I talked to different people about it, I heard so many people who are not my size, you know, who are maybe just taller, like my brother-in-law's really tall and he didn't fit in the seat because the seat is really small. So I think it's just like one of those things where they didn't design it properly or maybe because of the type of ride is meant for like kids or something smaller. But I just, I was so mortified as well. That's interesting.
Cause that ride reminds me a lot of the Disney one called Sorin . Cause it's the one that's virtual. Right. And you were 3d got , or you're you're like in strapped in, but you're soaring through Hogwarts. But then in the Disney one and Epcot, you're doing the same thing, but over the country. So I've never had an issue at Disney actually. And so I don't go on like , um, space bounce and things that are really fast. That's just not my thing you're missing out. Yeah. No , but that's not thunder.
Mountain is like my peak, but um , I never had a problem at Disney put at that time at universal at least. And everybody's your day, just like you don't want to do anything else anymore. I was just trying to put up a front for Tim and you were probably putting up a front for your friends because all you want to do is go home, get in the covers and have some fun , some Cheetos or something, some cheese. I thought you were to say cheese, cheese where this ,
Oh, I think yeah.
Every time you come to the show you cry. I know I'm a big cry baby , but I hope that any of you could relay and you know, just cause we've gone through issues, you know, we have learned from them and it doesn't make us worse. People are worthless. People are people that can enjoy Harry Potter or a waterpark because there's other things you can do as well. Um, do you have anything else to say on the subject? I think the number one thing is self love, which we talked about.
You know, if you don't love yourself, if you're not comfortable with yourself, how is anyone else going to be comfortable with? You still love you.
I still love you too .
Um, and you know, not letting your size stop you from doing anything you want to do. If you want to take a dance class, take a dance class or you know, if you want to , I don't know , try it and be a model. If that's what you're interested in, why not there's models comes in , you know , in all shapes and sizes, whatever it is that you want to pursue, you should do it. And you shouldn't let that stop you.
And if you do a dance class or any teaching class and the teacher makes you feel uncomfortable about your way. Cause this has happened to me. There are other teachers. Absolutely. I took belly dance classes for years and um, I loved it. And then looking around, I was like, Oh , the best belly dancers are like a little jiggy here. We're actually going to have a belly dancer, be a guest on the show very soon.
I'm excited for that too.
Hi Vivian. It's been such a pleasure. I thank you so much again for joining me on the podcast. I truly appreciate it. And you want to follow her and her adventures. Make sure to follow her.
Add , add, add, add Luna , Miami and myself
At pin up Miami. And don't forget, send in. Cause next I'll do shout outs at
The end at one eight three, three, four eight pin up or your dating stories. Cause I will make a whole podcast about online dating stories. Leave your voicemail, Texas. Make sure you subscribe. We're on iTunes, Spotify. Now we're on iHeart radio. How exciting. So I'm there with a Z 100 and all these other radio stations. So you could find me there and on YouTube, if you want to visually see what we look like here at the pin studios, I have a new set of today.
Let me know what you think about it in the comments below of you're watching. And I hope you guys have, are staying safe, wearing your masks in a again. I don't know how many thanks . Thank you is I could give you for listening in and staying all the way through. I appreciate it so much. And I love you guys and thank you Jennifer for doing this. Um, cause it's a , it is a space for that . It's a safe space for us to talk about different topics and it's a wonderful venue. So thank you for that.
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