Dana Skaggs (00:07.886) Welcome to Phoenix in Flame. I'm Dana and we have a fabulous, fabulous guest with us today. Shelly Starks is joining us. She is the CEO of Inline Consulting Services. She has an impressive tenure of over 20 years in both extended disk coaching and business advising. and has been an instrumental force for communications coaching in the business community. Shelly, welcome to Phoenix in Flame. Shelly Starks (00:42.545) Thank you, Dana, for having me. I'm excited to be here.
Dana Skaggs (00:45.646) This is wonderful. And as my listeners know, we're going to get into a whole lot more than just what we've talked about in terms of your bio. And I do want to talk later. I really like the fact that you measure success for your clients in terms of tangible progress that they achieve. It's not something that is ethereal or abstract.
that you're looking at tangible progress. And you've said that by understanding behavioral styles, which I love being a psychotherapist, and focusing on team dynamics, individuals and businesses alike can unlock avenues for scalable growth. So Shelly, wow, that is a lot. So there's so much here to dig into in terms of what you've been able to accomplish and also the backstory of where you came from.
So where would you like to begin and we'll just kind of organically just work our way through your journey of life and reach out to my listeners.
Shelly Starks (01:50.033) Well, I think that, you know, I like Stephen Covey's start with the end in mind. And, you know, so I'll just tell you that getting to the point where I'm back as a business owner, an entrepreneur, and being in this space and living authentically where I am supposed to be living has taken a lot to get here, you know, and I think there's been different iterations of me getting to this point. And you have to think about...
you know, the ebb and flow of what comes in life, right? There'll be something that you're like, I think I'm ready to step out. I think I'm ready to do this, or I'm going to take that risk. And something else happens and it sucks you back, you know, a couple feet, right? And that ends up being really difficult because you think, well, maybe I wasn't supposed to be there. But what I've learned through this process, and I'll kind of walk through the story with you, is that...
each one of those pieces are playing a specific role at the exact moment they're supposed to be in your life. And so when we try to force what's supposed to be happening, even if we're feeling a draw somewhere, we may be trying to rush the process and there's something in the journey that we're supposed to pick up and use as a tool. When we get to that place,
that when we are supposed to be serving others, whatever that gift is that you're supposed to be doing to serve others, if you didn't gather all the tools you were supposed to gather along the way, you could be missing key pieces that are gonna help the people you're meant to help. And so it's difficult sometimes because I'm not a very patient person. Yeah.
to be like, I see, because I'm very visionary that way, I see the big picture and I can see where I want to be. You know, and the whole journey part is not my favorite part. It wasn't my favorite part. I should say that. And now that I'm starting to have different perspectives and that could be coming to the end of my first century or, you know, my first like half century or whatever, you know, like it's literally like you get perspective, right?
Shelly Starks (04:01.169) It's just a different thing. So I wanted to start there because I feel like the rest of the story coming through fills in that storyline of where I find you need to, you need to, you know, not, you don't have to enjoy the journey because enjoying, I think is like a fake word. I think you need to live the journey. Like you need to feel it. You need to be in it. You need to.
experience all the feelings and if you don't allow yourself to do that then you're missing the parts that you are when you talk about a phoenix rising right a phoenix coming out of that fire it's meant to make you feel all the things because now when you go out and share your story the passion is just going to come off of you to the people that are listening because you just went through hell and you need them to know that story because Dana Skaggs (04:37.102) Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Shelly Starks (04:56.081) somebody needs to hear that for themselves. They need to be encouraged. I have plenty of mentors and people I listen to and listen to their stories and pick up things all the time with different perspectives. So that's kind of where I'd start.
Dana Skaggs (05:10.606) that, my gosh, you've already said, I'm like frantically trying to take notes over here because I want to remember things that you've said already, multiple things, because I talk with, I'm an entrepreneur myself and I talk to other female entrepreneurs and out there, this idea of getting sucked back of this feeling that you think you're going down a certain way and then you feel that sucking back sensation and feeling like maybe I wasn't supposed to.
Shelly Starks (05:34.993) Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Dana Skaggs (05:39.406) to be there, maybe I'm not supposed to do this, that doubt creeps in. And the journey is so, I can remember myself multiple times. And this is, I'm a very visual person. So I describe it in analogies because that's how my brain thinks. And I remember, I don't know how many times that I would feel like I was walking along on my journey and I felt like somebody's hand went into the small of my back.
Shelly Starks (05:39.801) Mm -hmm.
Dana Skaggs (06:06.446) and shoved me to the ground into a huge pile of mud. And then I'm laying in the mud and I have to decide, do I want to get back up or I just want to lay here? And to be honest with you, Shelly, there were several times I'm like, you know, this mud pile feels kind of comfortable. I think I'm just going to lay here. But then eventually I get bored of laying in the mud. And so then there's a getting back up, wiping yourself off and moving along. And then...
Shelly Starks (06:10.769) Yeah. Shelly Starks (06:24.465) Yeah. Yeah.
Dana Skaggs (06:36.206) That's not a one and done. I mean, you're talking about our journeys and our life journeys, not just professional, but also personal because they interweave. And especially for those of us that are visionaries that have that idea of where we want to go. And we're so excited about that. It's almost like being able to see Mount Everest in the distance, but you've got this whole journey between here and there. Shelly Starks (06:40.369) Yeah.
Dana Skaggs (07:01.87) And I can't tell you how many times I felt that hand in the small eye back shoving me down into the mud over and over and over. And I'll say this and I'll stop talking because I feel like I could just go on and on about just with what you've said so far. I made a promise to God. I'm a person of faith and I made a promise to God. I said, you know what? I can't promise much, but what I can promise is that I won't quit. Shelly Starks (07:14.713) You
Dana Skaggs (07:29.518) That's the only thing I'll promise is that I won't quit. And I'm going to have to tell you right now, there have been numerous times where I was seriously wondering why I made that promise because I wanted to quit and many times, but I promised, I promised that I wouldn't quit. So I might lay in the mud puddle for a good long while, but then eventually you get up and you keep going. And so I love the fact that you're bringing up the journey and what it feels like. And so tell us more about...
Shelly Starks (07:38.353) Yeah. Of course. Dana Skaggs (07:58.798) what you felt like and the stuff that you had to deal with to get where in this wonderful place where you are right now, what did you face along the way?
Shelly Starks (08:07.217) So I had a situation, I was married for 20 years. We had a daughter, that daughter had lots of medical problems, many, many surgeries. Her esophagus was not connected to her stomach at birth. And so after 20 years of being a caretaker for a good 12 years of that, 10 to 12 years with her, my marriage suffered. There were times where we just weren't connecting.
that ended up, that marriage ended up dissolving. And I thought that that was the end for me, Dana. Like I was like, this was the only man I'd ever been with. I was 15 when I met him. We had a 20 year marriage. We had this daughter, like I was born in Texas. We bring the Bible belt. We don't divorce. He had had, you know, some infidelity issues along the years. And the last time was he just was like, I'm not leaving her. I did. That's it. Like I'm, you know, I want a divorce.
And I had never lived on my own. And I had never like taken care of a daughter solely by myself, and especially one that had such, you know, high medical need. And so that process, I really think that whole Phoenix process started then because I went from this child who got married at 20, which is still a child, into from my parents' home to a married home and had never experienced the thing to learn about me.
I had never learned who I was, you know, as a person. And I was a different person than I was in my 20s by the time this happened, right? But it was so difficult to like go through that process. And during that, with her having medical things, I had breast cancer at 26, was a lot of things going on in that whole scenario, right? And then fast forward through that divorce, I go through, you know, my therapy and I get through all of, you know, some of that.
stuff you're talking about that weighs you down that's really like I don't think I can get up out of the mud out of this. And then all of a sudden I surprise myself and I don't know how but every day happened and every day we made it and the stories that I have were I felt a lot of guilt about not being able to provide the level of provision that I was able to provide when we were married and that kind of thing.
Shelly Starks (10:33.681) Then fast forward and I worked through a bunch of that and I meet a wonderful man and we blend our families. And what I discovered was that I had, you know, I was supposed to be on this path. Like this is what was meant to happen. I was meant to meet him. I was meant to have a blended family and have a bonus daughter. I was meant to have all of this happen, right? And I can't look at it like the heartache that I had before.
Could I have seen that and known that when I was going through it? No. Like it was just too hard, you know? But then fast forward and at the end of 2022, I had a radical hysterectomy. And at that moment, that was the 27th surgery I have had. And I don't have a disposable organ left. And what I realized, because when you go through breast cancer and you have a hysterectomy, Dana Skaggs (11:06.414) Yeah.
Shelly Starks (11:28.017) They can't put you on HRT or hormone replacement therapy right away. Okay. They have to put you through a very rigorous genetic propensity test testing. And that takes like four months. And during that four month time period was very transformative for me because it was the most raw that I could possibly be. I'm, I was really good at my job, but I didn't like it. I was working for a corporation, made a lot of money. I was very successful.
But it made me sit in that moment and go, is this really what I want to do? It started making me question everything. Am I where I want to be in my life? Am I doing the things I want to do? Am I being fulfilled in ways that are personal and professional? And the answer to all of that was no. And so because I was having to do any small thing to make me feel good, because I was waiting for the hormones for us to do HRT, it started challenging my belief system.
and my belief system, things like you have to work hard to be successful. That's not true. It's not true. And the narrative that we have been told our whole life, that you have to work hard to be successful, is such a scam. Because we run ourselves into the ground specifically, and I'm not isolating men, but specifically professional women, and especially women who have children.
and they've got to do all the things, right? They got to do the work, they got to do the home, they got to do, they don't do the personal, right? They need to do the personal, but they don't do the personal care. And then they're just left with absolutely feeling like they failed in every area because they don't have the energy for any of those areas, right? And so in that moment, I start, I knew I needed to call in a friend, like phone a friend and I... Dana Skaggs (13:17.262) Hahaha
Shelly Starks (13:18.705) And I called my girlfriend Grisel and I said, she's a career coach. And I said, I, you were the only person I felt comfortable walking through this with. Can I go through your 90 day career coaching program? And she's like, you don't need this Shelly. I'm like, yes, I do. I'm at a very raw place. I'm at a place where I'm willing to look at the stuff in the face and go, I need to make a change. Right. And so it's processing through all of that. The end of that, we got back to the core parts of me, which is I need to be an entrepreneur.
I need to have multiple things happening in my business. I currently now, since I launched in September, have eight revenue streams, not related. This is what I need to be doing. And being in a box in a corporation is not where I'm meant to be. Right? And so being able to learn that this whole process had to happen, trust me, every day I wanted that to be over. Like just, I just don't, you know, they're like, well, this is your risk.
I don't want to be here living day to day like this. Quality of life has to be a factor in my propensity calculations, right? And as part of that I started realizing, gosh, there are pieces of me that I have laid down and not picked back up over the years because it's been too hard to carry everything. I need to pick those back up. I need to heal her. And I need to put me back together again. You know, that was a lot, I know.
Dana Skaggs (14:51.054) I mean, that was very, gosh, so informative and helpful. And a couple of an observation and a question that I have. One is, this idea keeps coming in my mind when I'm hearing you describe your journey and how things that we're going through that we need to go through to be able to give us the tools that we're going to need later on down the road to give us that ability to be passionate, to feel it in our core.
And I'm sure you, because I hear you say it and I'm the same way. I'm around people and you know when you're around someone who has been through it, you can hear it in their voice. You can see it on their face. You can see it in their body language. And you're so much more drawn to those individuals because you feel like they've been, they've been there. They know you can hear it in their tone. I mean, you can hear it in their word choices and in kind of a funny,
like visual that I'm having, it's almost like one of those video games that the leveling up process and how you have to go through and you have to get all the tools, right? You have to go and get the hammer and get the saw and get the thing and get all the tools. And then once you have all the tools and, you know, vanquish all the the enemies, then you can level up, but you can't level up till you get all the tools of level one. Then you get the tools of level one. You can level up to level two.
Shelly Starks (15:59.089) Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Dana Skaggs (16:15.918) And that's kind of what keeps coming to my mind is I'm listening to you that we don't like that process, that it's hard, but sometimes these tools are gained through pain. I ran across a quote a long, long time ago, and it said, there is no teacher as effective as pain. And so I think that we don't like that, obviously, but... Shelly Starks (16:16.049) What a great analogy. Mm -hmm. Shelly Starks (16:23.345) hard.
Shelly Starks (16:27.761) Okay. Shelly Starks (16:38.673) Mm -hmm. Shelly Starks (16:44.945) No.
Dana Skaggs (16:45.006) There's so many, like you're mentioning, the tools that we're going to need later on. We can't access those unless we're willing to walk through the pain in terms of Phoenix and Flame, walk through the fire, to sit in the fire, to let things be burned away, to let that fire forge things in us. And that's the only way it's going to happen. It's not going to happen just the easy, easy peasy way.
Shelly Starks (17:10.865) or day to day because we can have good intention for our day to be like, you know what, I'm gonna sit down and I'm actually gonna, if you're in therapy, sometimes they give you homework and they're like, you need to go home and do this before our next session. I don't know how many people are out there listening, but I am the master procrastinator when it comes to my homework for therapy, right? But.
One of the things that I, because you know, I'm like, do I really want to get in the field about that? Do I really want to pull myself down? I'm feeling kind of good right now. Do I really want to deal with that? And what, what has to happen is that there is, you know, there's a, there's an inner person, there's an energy inside of you that dealt with that trauma, right? That you're going to have to address because this is like a cycle and it triggered, you get triggered by things that are similar enough.
that pull you right back in and you don't think you look different so you think that that's not affecting you the same way it did when you were 15 or wherein that that trauma happened but it's affecting you and it's affecting your entire existence the people around you and so we're not going to look at it it's going to be really difficult for us to ever overcome that and then turn that into the thing that you can stand on and say let me help other people get there so
I mean, you've got to figure out where your motivation is, right? Is your motivation to climb that ladder and make all the money you can possibly make? I'm not saying that's bad, but I think that that's a conditioned response that we have over the years of being trained in a very, you know, driven society, that this is what it looks like. And we're not a tapping into what it feels like, right?
And so does that making all that money make you feel fulfilled? And if it does, that's amazing. But maybe you're trying to tap into somebody else's purpose, right? You're tapping into something else because you've heard it and you think that's what we're supposed to do instead of go, wait a second, I'm going to sit and feel the things with me, heal some of the things with me and then figure out what I need to do. You know, because when we're in alignment and when we're in flow, things are easy.
Shelly Starks (19:29.873) It's like being in a river and if you're going the opposite direction, you could make it up that river, absolutely. But it's hard and it's exhausting and you can't do other things because it's fully engrossing you with the resistance of you going the wrong way. So what parts are you missing when you're not in flow? When you can be going down the river, Dana Skaggs (19:55.278) you
Shelly Starks (19:59.025) gathering all those things but still doing other things and using your energy where you need to use it. Dana Skaggs (20:04.782) Fabulous. Absolutely, Shelley, 100%. I'm right in line with everything that you're saying and it's resonating with me. I'm feeling it in the feels and I on all kinds of levels. And it reminds me of something that I tend to say. It's like, face it, feel it, then you can free it. So it's like you. Shelly Starks (20:15.057) Hahaha
Shelly Starks (20:28.337) That's awesome. I love it. Dana Skaggs (20:30.766) There's so many people out there that number one, they don't want to face it. And they're avoiding because they know the feeling comes next and it's uncomfortable. I mean, you and I are both in agreement here saying, yes, there are things in life that hurt, that feel like shit. Let's be brutally honest here. And so we don't want to feel that, but it does. It's like, okay, well, what's the alternative? Is it?
Shelly Starks (20:40.433) yeah. Shelly Starks (20:49.681) Yeah. Yeah.
Dana Skaggs (20:58.094) We don't feel it. Does that mean it just evaporates? Absolutely not. It doesn't evaporate. It sits there and gets stagnant and gets nasty and gets infected. But facing it and then feeling it and then you can finally free it. You can't free it until you do the first three. So that's something that I use with my patients and my clients and stuff like that. You've got to be able to go through that process. No, it's not comfortable. Whoever said anything about life was going to be
Shelly Starks (21:01.618) No, it compounds. Shelly Starks (21:16.657) I love that. Shelly Starks (21:23.889) Yeah. Dana Skaggs (21:26.574) you know comfortable all the time but you you face that and you're able to go through. I'm wondering for you if I wrote it down correctly you had said that you went through 27 surgeries. I mean let's just pause for just a moment. Shelly Starks (21:28.305) I know. Shelly Starks (21:42.033) Okay.
Dana Skaggs (21:44.078) 27 surgeries. I like to just pause and realize the reality of things. That is a lot. A surgery alone is a big deal because you have to have all the lab work and you have to have all the procedures and then there's the prep work and then you've got to go early and then you get the thing and then there's the post surgery and all the medicine and you had 27 of these. I mean one or two is rough. Shelly Starks (21:46.929) Yeah.
Dana Skaggs (22:13.966) Share with us how you were looking back now with you know the 2020 hindsight or wisdom whatever you want to call it. What how were you able to keep going? What what was there for you to give you the the grit the resilience to keep going and just not just flop over and say I'm done I quit I can't do this anymore. Shelly Starks (22:21.137) Yeah.
Shelly Starks (22:36.697) Well, I think I have to start with the what I realized later during this journey was causing that. So I'm a big fan of helping people and specifically women understand that there's a thing called disease, but it's really dis -ease in your body. And we tend to hold on to things, suppress things, not deal with those things because I've got all these other things that I need to be doing.
And so I got real good, you know, had a traumatic childhood and some other things happen. And I got real good at just taking that and like pushing that down. I'm just going to compartmentalize that. I'm going to push it down, you know, I'm going to deal with that later. So if I don't come back and deal with it, right. Cause I just don't, I don't want to open that Pandora box. And then, you know, like literally all of my surgeries were in my core. So between my neck and you know, my leg.
The top of my legs and so literally I had I mean I had the craziest thing six hernia surgeries I had you know 16 breast surgeries because after my breast cancer things did not stop growing and they didn't they weren't they weren't cancer, but I had this superpower of growing things and growing them very large and very fast and so it would just scare my oncologist like
We get, I mean, it's three times the size it was six weeks from six weeks ago. We got to get that out. We don't know what it is, right? And, you know, between having, you know, issues with my ovary rupturing because of a cyst and then, you know, having other cysts that had to be removed, masses on my uterus, like we're talking the most crazy things. And there, I mean, yes, there are some family, there's some family history with some of this, but when I started going through the...
therapy side of things. I started realizing that all of that stuff that I wasn't dealing with, it's going somewhere. And my body is absorbing all of that energy. And when you, it can't go anywhere. You've got to release it. You know, I love the whole face it, feel it, free it. I mean, I think that that is, that's like a...
Shelly Starks (24:56.017) needs to go on a bumper sticker. It needs to like go everywhere. Like people need to hear this because we're real good as a Western society of putting a good face on and things being okay when they're not okay. And mental health and mental awareness right now is a really hot topic for a reason. And it's not just because of COVID. COVID ripped the band -aid off of what we were Dana Skaggs (25:21.998) right.
Shelly Starks (25:24.209) had under the covers the whole time. It's just that was something that triggered a massive group of people to show what was under that cover, right? And so I had to figure out how I'm going to deal with those things as they come in so that I wasn't compartmentalizing them and shoving them down. And that's the work part. That's the hard part. You know, I mean, I couldn't do it on my own. I don't suggest other people do it on their own because
You know, you are the one living the feeling and there are tools that you don't even know exist, techniques that you don't even know exist, that they could tell you that could help you in a spiral moment or in a moment where you're trying to compartmentalize and shove down. Because it wasn't just the one time, it wasn't the 60th time, it wasn't the thousandth time, it was like every time that was creating that dis -ease in my core.
when I wasn't dealing with and I mean the story that I just shared with you is just highlights, not even like all of the things that happened. So there were lots of things to give me that dis -ease in my body, right? On top of the mental struggles that go along with that. And so I just don't feel like, I feel like you gotta find your tribe because you can't do this, you shouldn't do this alone and you're not meant to.
Dana Skaggs (26:47.918) Right, right. Well, and as I'm listening to you talk, I'm remembering as well that a colleague that we both know, Coach Lee Hopkins, he had mentioned that you also had opportunities to set boundaries, that you had to do that in your life. Can you share with us some of those situations involving a need to set boundaries so that you could... Shelly Starks (26:57.649) Yeah. Dana Skaggs (27:15.79) Live your life and be healthy and strong.
Shelly Starks (27:18.705) Yeah, so I think and I keep going back to this just because I feel like we don't have enough conversation around professional women and all of the juggling that they do. The boundary doesn't mean it's yes or no. The boundary is making sure that you understand where you are in that space, right?
What do I... It's kind of like when someone's standing in front of you. Have you ever had somebody come up and get in your actual space and you're just like, whoa, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but that was way too close. You know, have you ever had that happen? Like, it's just like, and it's an instant visceral response because you're like, whoa, I don't want that person that close to me, right? Like somebody that's not like my spouse or somebody like that, you know, a child.
Dana Skaggs (27:47.918) Yes. Yes. Dana Skaggs (27:57.422) Yeah. Dana Skaggs (28:05.998) Hmm?
Shelly Starks (28:11.089) And it's the same kind of thing. You've got to figure out how much space you need between you and the thing or the person, right? For you to feel healthy, like a buffer, like how much do you need there so that no matter what's being pushed in from that experience or that person, you've got your cushion there that's going to keep you from caving in. And I will tell you being raised in, you know, the Bible belt.
you were just put on a good face and you just kind of went with it no matter what was pushing in on you. Well, I did not feel that way anymore because I need to make sure that my family especially understands when there's boundaries that need to be made. I love my family, but there are certain people in my family that want to tell me how to live my life. They don't want to make me feel guilty for not living the life they think I should be living. That want to tell me, you know, Shelly,
you've bounced around, you know, done so many different things in your career, you should have had a linear career path. That's not my journey. My journey is meant to have these different experiences. And here I am living in a business that has eight revenue streams that have nothing to do with one another. And I'm keeping them afloat. I don't spend a ton of time with each one, but they're still part of it, right? And I needed to be that kind of person. So having somebody lean on me and put that pressure on me that I needed to have a career path.
that was linear or I wasn't successful was a lie. And I needed to, I need to push that buffer out to say you're allowed to have that feeling for your life. It doesn't resonate with me. It doesn't feel authentic to me. And I need to, and you need to verbalize that, verbalize that it's not an aggression. It's not something that you need to get in a fight about. You just, and what I usually tell people, ask permission. Do you mind, Dana, if I share why that just doesn't resonate with me?
Shelly Starks (30:15.633) And when you ask that question and they say yes, and then they try to tell you what to do next, you say, Dana, I thought you said it was okay for me to tell you what I think, that this doesn't fit for me. Are we still able to do that? Or does this conversation need to be over? You don't have to be aggressive, but literally, you gotta let them know, I know that before I let you push me around. Dana Skaggs (30:27.662) That's good. I like that.
Shelly Starks (30:42.513) I know that before I let you and some of those pushing around is not aggressive. It's like manipulation. It's passive aggressive. It's like it's things that are masked into not being what we think is being, you know, somebody forcing you to do something. All of those things are not okay. And we have to figure out what to say to make sure that we're setting ourself up, right? We don't want to be in reactive mode. That's a proactive approach.
to a conversation instead of a reactive approach and just being there to feel them leaning on you and then you getting defensive. Because a conversation goes nowhere. This is what I tell my clients. When you have a task -oriented person who's a leader, very common, a people -oriented person in a role that's meant they need to be people -oriented, and that task -oriented person comes in.
and doesn't say good morning Dana, how was your weekend? Just says Dana, these are the three things we need to get done by 11 o 'clock this morning. Dana goes, all right, fight or flight mode, I'm gonna go to the back of my brain, right, fight or flight, I'm gonna get in there and I'm gonna do those three things, but guess what? I'm damn sure not gonna do more than that. Because I don't feel heard, I don't feel understood, and I don't feel like I'm important enough past these three things.
Right? So if I give, you know, a leader, hey, you know that Dana is people oriented and then she actually needs to know that you have a little bit of care in you, right? You don't have to have a lot of care, just a little. Why don't you just say, hey, Dana, how's your morning going? I don't care if you listen after that. Just ask her, right? Because what's going to happen is when you say, all right, Dana Skaggs (32:26.702) Hahaha.
Shelly Starks (32:33.585) Let's dive in, we got a couple things we gotta get done before 11 o 'clock this morning, you know, and then show her those things. Guess what happens? She stays in her frontal lobe. And her frontal lobe is where she reasons and where she creates and where she brings more to the table than fight or flight mode. And then she's just gonna do those three things. Dana Skaggs (32:51.47) That's awesome. I'm assuming you're bringing this from the disk. That's...
Shelly Starks (32:56.593) Actually, I am bringing some of that from the disk, but I do a burnout assessment and I lean a lot on the extended part of extended disk. The pieces where the messages you're receiving from other people, whether it's work or personal, that you think you need to be another style in order to be most effective. So you're living in another style, which is draining, does not give you any energy.
makes you feel exhausted, sends you to burnout, also doesn't have the best version of you in that role. So we, while this is important, I think the extended part is where we are now. We need to like really lean on that a little bit more and then fold it into burnout. Dana Skaggs (33:32.494) Yeah.
Dana Skaggs (33:42.254) I love this. And as I was listening to you give that analogy, that example, I found myself thinking about the person who's more task oriented. I would imagine if you go up to that person and start chatting about the weekend, they're going to get annoyed. They're going to be like, just cut to the chase. What do you want me to do? You know, enough of this chit chat. I don't have time for all this chit chat, blah, blah, blah. Good morning and all that. Just get to the bottom line. What are we supposed to do?
Shelly Starks (33:54.417) Yes. Yes. Yeah, I don't have time for all that. Shelly Starks (34:05.521) Yeah. Yeah. Dana Skaggs (34:08.046) I love it. Shelly, we're out of time today, but I'm wondering where do my listeners go? Because I'm sure they've heard a lot of stuff today. They're thinking, my gosh, this is wonderful. I love her so much. Where do I go to find out more about what Shelly Starkes has to offer?
Shelly Starks (34:24.881) ShellyStarts .com, that's the best place. I'm on all the social media platforms, so most of it is all just Shelly Starts if you do a search in it. And there are forums on my website that you can fill out, and if you want to do a complimentary assessment, like with what's going on with your team, I'm happy to offer that through to your listeners.
Sometimes it works great for what they're looking for and other times when it's not a good fit, I tell them that too. So there's no risk and there could just be some maybe some high level things that I can tell them without even having to bring them on as a coach. Dana Skaggs (35:05.902) Shelly, thank you so much for spending your time and bringing your valuable wisdom and experience to myself and my listeners today. Thank you very, very much.
Shelly Starks (35:16.177) You're welcome. Thanks for having me. This was a very comfortable conversation and I appreciate that.
Dana Skaggs (35:20.526) This was fun. Yes. Thank you. Now listeners, I know you have heard so much today from Shelly that you're thinking not only is it wonderful to you, but you're thinking, my gosh, I have a friend, a coworker, a relative that really, really needs to hear what Shelly has to say. Please take this podcast episode, copy and paste the link in text and email, put it on your favorite social media sites so we can grow the Phoenix and Flame community and let people know.
that they are not alone. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. I'm Dana on Phoenix in Flame.