This is episode nine, the impact of a mother, and you are listening to persistence in prayer with Catholic mindset. Coach Kylie Hein. Happy Tuesday, friends. I just want to say hello and welcome to anyone that is new. This is persistence in prayer with Kylie Hein. I am a mother of two. A wife. I am an educator just finishing up 13 years of teaching middle school and high school math, transitioning out to be a full-time Catholic mindset coach, professionally trained.
I have a master's in ministry and Jesus is my true passion. So this discipleship is something he has been calling me to for a long time. And I just thoroughly am grateful for the opportunity to share my thoughts with you today. This episode is called the impact of a mother. Mother's day is coming up and it's had me really reflecting a lot on the story of my motherhood and my relationship with my own mother.
And also, I just want to touch briefly on some of the interactions that I've had with other mothers. Several months ago, I sent out a survey asking busy Catholic women and I didn't, um, exaggerate on what busy meant. I just said busy. So whatever your busy looks like asking them about the types of things that were daily frustrators. And many of them said that they wished they had more time to themselves. They wish that they didn't feel like their prayer was an afterthought or that it was rushed.
But they also said that they wished that they were more present with their loved ones. And all of these things, as we know, go hand in hand. And being present is something that I really want to talk about today because while we all know that being present is something that we should be doing, when we don't recognize why we should be present and the impact that it has on other people, it's easy to just kind of push it to the side.
It's easy to get lost in the busy-ness of our jobs of, uh, obligations that come up. Of just the culture and the pressure demands that that can sometimes put on us. And we kind of lose sight of how to be present. I've talked about this a little bit in other episodes, but today I'm going to share a story about me and my mom. It is very personal and I'm going to be really vulnerable with you.
So I hope that you'll stick around and I would love to hear your own stories with your mothers and how they have impacted your life. So feel free to leave something in the comments. You can also share it with me over on Instagram at @kyliemhein and I just look forward to hearing from all of you.
Okay, so to help you fully understand the story and the impact of the presence of a parent, you have to understand where I'm coming from in my relationship with my mother specifically, but also with both of my parents. So my parents were completely different temperaments. If you don't know what the temperaments are, please reach out to me. I will send you a link to a free temperaments test that is really good.
I also offer temperaments workshops so that you can name claim and aim your temperament toward the glory of God. Uh, but. They had two completely different temperaments. My mom was extremely patient and gentle. And my dad was quick to react. He could go from being the most kindhearted generous person to someone who was still kindhearted and generous, but you had no idea because he would be screaming at you in half of a second. I love them both dearly.
However, a lot of times my mom was kind of the buffer between my dad and us kids. My dad was never violent or anything along those lines, but he did react quickly to things, um, very much choleric and I inherited, along with some of my some of my siblings. That temperament now, not to the extreme. I don't think that he was both of my parents are deceased. So if you haven't listened to the podcast before that maybe new news to you. However.
It's important to understand that my mom was incredibly patient and she was someone who served and was generous to anyone and everyone around. Sometimes, I think she had trouble with setting boundaries because she always just wanted to serve and she wanted to be there for everyone. Now, growing up that was a beautiful thing. I knew that I could always count on her. I could always depend on her.
Um, if I was stuck or I was struggling, she was going to set aside anything and everything that she had going on to be there for me. However, I also did sometimes, as all kids I'm sure do it felt like, oh man, I really just want to spend time with my mom and she's not available. Sometimes it could have been that my aunt had called and that my mom was on the phone with her for a long time. And she wasn't available to help me or wasn't on my timeline.
Those of you with children, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Okay. I have a four year old and a seven year old and sometimes their patients is half a second. And if you don't get there fast enough. Like, oh, you know, It just escalates. So if you have children, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Sometimes there. Perception of time is very different than yours as, as an adult. And we just prioritize things very differently. My mother was as patient, very kind woman.
We were very close. And. I am very much like my mother temperament of my dad, but very much like my mother as well in the way that I show up and the way that I serve. I'm going to give you some examples of things that my mother did. That I did not appreciate as a kid, but looking back, I am so incredibly grateful that that is the influence that I had in my life. She would invite people over that the rest of us weren't necessarily fond of.
And I mean that any loving and compassionate way, but my 16 year old brain. Could not comprehend why my mother wanted some of these people around. And. To be honest. I don't know that she always wanted them around. But she wanted to be an open door for anyone and everyone who didn't have a place to go. And so she invited them over anyway. And she didn't let it phase her that. Her children didn't want extra people at Christmas. She didn't let it phase her that.
We would say, Hey, can we just have our family? Now there are two different sides of this, and I'm sure there are some of you who would fall on one side saying, well, yeah, you should just have your family. Like if your children are asking you for that time, you should do that. And some of you may be saying, wow, great for her to have the open door were always inviting people.
There's positives and negatives to both, but she was the person who was going to have the open door and I am so incredibly grateful. That she did not listen to me. When. I did not want that. So this is the type of person that my mother was. So fast forward a few years, to me being 23. And obviously been away from home for a few years, but it was coming back for the holidays. Now holidays at our house were a little chaotic.
Leading up to the actual event where everyone would come over because my mom was always so giving and so serving of everyone else and. That often meant that sometimes some house things got out of control. Meaning. There was laundry. That could not be caught up with in there was. Just cleaning things that. Our house was not in order. Let's just say it that way. Our house was not in order. It was not ready for guests. And so that always created a lot of stress. Now me being 23 coming home.
I did not want to go into a home full of stress. I had been removed from that stress and I had a lot of my own stress that I was dealing with. I was a 23 year old. Teaching at a very high end Catholic school with a lot of expectations for its teachers. I was a female teacher, which added its own whole basket of chaos. And. I just. Needed a break. So this Thanksgiving, when I was home. The last thing that I wanted to do. Was. Clean and in my selfishness.
I didn't want to be run on someone else's schedule. That sounds awful. But that's where it was. And that's where my mind was at that point in time. So. That Thanksgiving. It was actually the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I was. Arguing with my mother. Which we didn't tend to argue a ton, but. The people closest to us are often the ones that we treat the worst, because we know that they're always going to show up again. And. That's how I was with my mom. That day.
So we were arguing in the kitchen over lumpy sugar. I didn't want to be baking at that moment. I had several hours. But my mom asked me to come in and help. And my cleric temperament got the best of me. So they're reset, arguing. And I was feeling stressed and I didn't know how to handle. The. Emotions that I was feeling in a positive way. And normally I would just remove myself from the situation and go to my room and just calm down.
And then I would feel guilty about it later because I wasn't helping. Uh, Just all of those thoughts and feelings that come with, not knowing how to manage our emotions and manage our mindset. And thoughts that cause those emotions to escalate. And. So even at 23, that was not a skill that I had strongly developed. Um, And I certainly wasn't prepared. For that moment in time. So, rather than just going to my room, I told my mom. This is silly. I'm ruining your day. We're arguing.
I'm not having a good day. I don't want to be this person that is. Uh, adding to your stress. So I'm just going to go home. And so I told her I was leaving. And I walked out of the kitchen. And I went out the back door and I got in my car and I drove. Two and a half hours home. What I didn't know. Was what would come. I had phone calls from my siblings that I didn't answer. Because I felt shame. And I felt guilt for leaving.
Eventually I did answer my phone just to let my brother know that I was okay. Um, when I told my mom I was leaving. She didn't realize that I actually meant that I was leading. She thought I was going upstairs to my bedroom. And when she couldn't find me, she didn't know if I was okay or not. I talked to my mom later that day. And. To be honest, I was embarrassed that I had left. I was embarrassed and only because I left my mom, but because my entire family was there and I wasn't there.
And I had to admit that I just got mad and left. Uh, And it was sad. And I remember talking to my mom that night and it was one of the most difficult moments of my life, even now. Looking back. And. Um, I told her, you know, her sarcastic remarks that. She had said were. Quite honestly, they hurt my feelings. And I didn't like that. And that's why I left. And, um, I didn't want to ruin her day with me being there. And she didn't really say anything.
And before we got off the phone, she said, you know, Kylie, I'm glad that you're safe. And. She said, I'm really sorry that you feel like you're too good for your own family. That was really hard. To here. That I had. Made her think that. But there was also a little bit of truth in it. I had been away from home. I had been at a different community. I had been in a different culture. And. My small town, little life back home. Didn't seem as glamorous to me as it once was.
But ultimately, this is me losing control over my emotions and my thoughts and my feelings. And. Losing my connection with God. And not hearing his voice through it all. And the days to come, I struggled a little bit, but I knew that I would be back home in a few weeks for Christmas and I could. Apologize to my mom in person. What I didn't realize was that two weeks later, my mom would be. Not here. That two weeks later, I would get a phone call that she had been life-flighted.
And. That she wouldn't even make it to the hospital. So. I'm gonna try to get through this. The point of my story is not that my mom died. And it wasn't that I lost control of my emotions for five minutes that I could never get back. Although. This is a great reason why we need mindset coaches. Uh, so that we don't lose that control. And this is why we need time in prayer. That's what the Lord can build us up for these crosses that he knows are going to come.
But I say all this because when I got to the hospital, Knowing in my heart, in that car ride home, but two and a half hour drive back. That I was never going to see my mother again. When I got to the hospital. My dad gave me a hug. And he started sobbing and he said, mom, didn't make it. And. The first thing he said to me after that was. I know you're going to beat yourself up. About the way that you saw her the last time. But I want you to know that she loved you. And the funny thing is.
That thought never crossed my mind. And to this day. Do I wish that things were different in those five minutes. Do I work really hard to understand my temperament and not react in ways like that? Absolutely. But I never second guess the relationship that I had with my mother and I never second guessed how much she loved me. And I never second guessed that she forgave me the second that I walked out of that kitchen because our relationship was so good.
And that is why your presence as a mother, or as a parent matters to your children. Because no matter what happens, no matter what big fights you have, no matter how much they say they hate you or they walk away. You are making an impact in their lives just like my mother did. I never have to wonder if she forgave me. I never have to wonder if we would have been okay. Because I know. I know because of the way that she was always there for me.
I know because of the way that she led me through her faith. My mom wasn't a big outspoken person about her faith. We didn't have family prayer time, uh, so to speak. And I think part of that was because my dad wasn't Catholic. It wasn't that we didn't ever pray or ever talk about God in our house. But it was just a little bit different than what things look like in my own home now. But my mom was someone who lived her faith, whether or not she talked about it. Your presence. As a parent.
Matters. So I ask you today, to take a minute. To stop and really think about, how present are you with your kids? When you are putting them to bed at night, are you wishing the seconds away? Or are you embracing those precious moments. Even when you're exhausted and tired. Are you enjoying those moments of helping, practice spelling words? And listening to them, read books? When they are just learning to read, and it is. Painful to listen to sometimes.
Because of book that you could read in two minutes takes. 15 or 20. Are you recognizing how beautiful that is, that you are building that relationship with them, and then they know that you are present. It's so important. I'm going to share with you another story too, that just came into my mind. As I'm sitting here. Um, a couple of weeks ago, I. Was getting frustrated with my daughter. Imagine that choleric, showing up again.
Uh, I was standing in the kitchen and I was trying to get dinner ready and my daughter has this very long. Uh, thick, beautiful hair. That she rarely ever wants to get cut. But when she wears it down, as she often likes to, it gets very tangley and it can take a long time to brush out. And I had told her before you go to the farm with your dad, before you go feed your cows and you're going to be out in the wind, you need to let me braid your hair. And she didn't. Because she didn't want to.
So that night, she's asking before bed mom, will you brush my hair? And it was so tangley and I was so irritated because this was like the third day in a row where I had told her. You need to be responsible for not wearing your hair down when you're going outside and going to go run around and do all these things. And really, I wasn't frustrated with her. I was frustrated with myself that I didn't take care of it as a mother. And take the initiative to.
Remind her a little bit again, but I, I remember asking God, like, Lord. Oh, my gosh. Like. My child, what am I supposed to do with her? I, she will not listen to me. I tell her again again, and she does not listen. And then she expects me to come fix it for her. She doesn't listen. When I tell her to to put her hair up so it doesn't get tingly. And then she comes running to me, mom, please fix it. And then I have to spend 20 minutes brushing her hair when it could have taken us two minutes.
And I could just feel the presence of God. Looking down on me and saying, hmmm who does that sound like? Who else doesn't listen and then says, Lord. Please fix it for me. Oh, we learned so much from our children. But they learn so much from us too. And. Just this idea of being present. This week, this podcast is not about giving you some quick fix it. It's about sharing my story so that hopefully you can embrace the significance of your role as a parent or as a daughter.
Uh, And that connection with your mother. Sometimes those relationships are really hard. Uh, Not everyone is as fortunate as I was with my mom. And I say fortunate. Even though I lost my mom. Um, Because I had a beautiful relationship with her and I had a beautiful relationship with my dad and I lost them in very different ways. My mom was very sudden. She woke up. She fell pulmonary embolism. And that was it. We never got to say goodbye. There were no last words. My dad died slowly.
Uh, from cancer and. So it was a very different experience. But as we get close to mother's day. I just want to remind you of the impact that you have on your children and how beautiful it is. When I was a kid. I know. My siblings and I drove my mother crazy sometimes. We would get home from church in our light baby blue station wagon. And pull into the driveway and we'd all go inside.
And then one by one, we would come back out and get back in the car with my mom who was trying to have a minute of peace and quiet. Well, we needed her to come in and cook lunch and do all of the things that mothers do. And. I just have to look back and giggle at how many times I have wanted to sit in my car or lock myself in the bathroom. And, kids just don't want us to do that? But I try to remember. How many times. I showed up when my mom needed a minute.
And. Just love my children in those moments anyway. And I'm sure that you do as well. Mothers, teach us how to show affection. They teach us how to behave. They show us how to communicate. And as mothers ourselves, if we aren't showing up with clean hearts and clean minds, that can significantly impact our children. And. The greatest mother that we can be to our children. Is to present to them, our mother, our spiritual mother, Mary.
This is something that if you are listening and you are not Catholic, I just. Ask you to give me just a second to explain what that looks like. Because there are a lot of misconceptions. Um, Mary is not at the same make as our Lord. St. Louis de Montfort explains it this way. Um, and St. Louis de Montfort is really well known for his encouragement and devotion to the blessed mother. He very explicitly states. And I'm going to quote this. "Mary is infinitely below her son.
She does not command him as a mother on earth would command her child." He continues to say that when you hear the saints, because he himself was not one at the time of this writing. When you hear these saints speak of Mary as having the power of God, it is not because she is on the same level as God, but because she has been transformed through grace and as United with him. At the authority God has given her is so great that her petitions and prayers become incredibly powerful.
"Mary asks nothing wishes, nothing and does nothing, which is contrary to the will of God." Um, and that is from a book. Uh, if you're watching on YouTube, I'll show it here. This is true. Devotion to Mary by St. Louis de Montfort. So I say that just because there are a lot of misconceptions about how we praise Mary and honor her as our spiritual mother. This is something that in my own life, I was not all on board with growing up.
I definitely had to do some discernment, especially in my college years about how Mary fit into my spiritual life. However I can say that since I have lost my mother, she has become even more of a mother to me. So strongly. Any of you who have ever done the Marion. Or devotion to Jesus through Mary. The consecration. I'm sure can attest to how the Blessed Mother shows up prominently in your life. And in last week's episode, Michelle talks about this as well.
Uh, Montfort says it is, it will be she who makes the soul live incessantly for Jesus Christ and will make Jesus live in the soul. So as we prepare for mother's day, I want to celebrate not only you, but May is a great month to celebrate our blessed mother. So there are a lot of ways that you can do that. For some of you, maybe it's saying an extra rosary. That is a great way to honor her.
However, depending on where you're at in your spiritual journey, that may not be something that you are ready for. It took me a very long time to get comfortable with praying the rosary. It can feel very tedious for someone who has not done it before. And also I have heard several women say that it's hard because they just can't remember. There's a lot of order that you have to remember in remembering the mysteries and things like that. So, uh, you can use apps and things like that to help you.
There are some really great ones out there. But also maybe just start with a couple of hail Marys or read some spiritual reading on the blessed mother. If you're just dipping your toes into Marian devotion Blessed Is she has a really great booklist on Mary. And there is they even have it categorized. There is a beginners. Um, and then it kind of continues from there. Also, uh, I'm going to say it long wrong.
Brandt Pitre has a really cool book if you're into history on the Jewish roots of Mary I remember I listened to the audio version. Uh, was incredibly eye-opening As I close today. I just want to remind you again. Your impact as a mother. As a parent matters. Your presence with your child matters. Even when they push you away. Even when they say they don't want you around. Even if they say terrible horrid things. Your presence matters.
And. Them knowing that you love them and that you are praying for them. Matters. God knows the crosses that are going to come their way. He also knows the crosses that are going to come your way. So stay close to him because he is the one who can prepare you. And if mother's day is challenging for any of you, I just want to let you know that you're not alone. Uh, I absolutely love being a mother. I'm so incredibly grateful but mother's day and father's day for me sometimes can be really hard.
So, if you are one of those people whose parent maybe is not in your life or you don't have a great relationship with them or maybe they've passed on or are not around. You're not alone and it's okay to reach out to someone like me who can relate to where you are and I will lift you up in my prayers. And if you are fortunate enough to have your mother around for mother's day, Or even your mother-in-law. I love celebrating my mother-in-law and mother's day.
Um, Please reach out to them and make their day a little special because it means the world. Lastly, I talked a lot in this episode about my lack of control over my emotions, especially when I was younger and at the age of 23. How even though in my entire life, I had never left home or left. An interaction with my mother without saying, I love you and hugging her goodbye. For that brief second. That day I lost my cool.
And. I let my natural inclinations to feel embarrassed or shamed or upset or angry, get the best of me. And I walked out the door and I didn't say I love you. And I didn't give her a hug. And if you would have asked me at 23, if I would have ever done that, I, 100% would have said that will never happen. But it did happen. And. The Lord has made the best out of it. I have grown so close to him over the fact that I have lost my mother and that whole experience.
But I also didn't have to leave that way. I left that way because I didn't know how to manage my thoughts. That triggered my emotions. That led to me leaving. This is why I'm doing the work that I'm doing as a Catholic mindset coach. Not only because I truly believe in the anthropology and the teachings of the Catholic church, but because I am committed to helping mothers and women and parents.
Anyone who wants to grow closer to God to help clear out all of the crap that gets in the way, especially in our own minds of not being able to discern the truth from a lie. I want to help with that human formation. So that you are more ready to show up in your prayer life. You are more ready to show up in your relationship with God. The way that you react and handle your feelings is very much a reflection of the effort that you are putting into your friendship with God.
And so when we don't work to balance out our temperament. I said I was primarily choleric, but I'm also fairly close in sanguine and melancholic, but my phlegmatic is a little more down here. That's that? Even keel not getting upset. Um, And so that is something that I really have to work at is to grow in those virtues so that I have the virtues of the temperaments and not so many of the vices and it's truly incredible work. I would love to share more of it with you.
If you'd like to find out more about the temperaments about the unique called a sanctity workshop that I run. Or about the reason cycle that I use to help lead clients through, as they learn to manage their mindset and show up as better human beings for the world and the people around them. Please reach out to me again. You can reach me at K Y L I E M H E I N on Instagram. I'm also on Facebook, although I don't hang out there as often. There's a link for my email also. So. Check out the notes.
I can't wait to hear from you. I hope that you have a very blessed mother's day. I will be praying for all of you, and I hope that you will pray for me too. Let's see you next time. Thank you so much for listening to persistence in prayer. Make sure you subscribe so you never miss an episode. And leave a review or share with a friend. If any of this episode was helpful or uplifting.