Episode 14: Periods and Prayer With Jane Snyder

And a fun fact about Mama Jane, she has lived on every continent except for Australia and South America, and that is such a fun fact. Um, I'm so deeply humbled that you are here and that we are able to spend this time together. I just finished up 13 years of education and one of the things that I have learned the most in that time is that my learning never stops.

And the kids who, you know, as I'm cleaning up my classroom and looking back at all the cards and the thank yous, um, from students, not every student loved me, but there were some that did. And ,as I was reading back through those, those kids who were deeply touched by me were the ones that had the most profound impact on my own life. And that I have learned life lessons through, that I carry with me today.

And so every interaction I have with someone else, especially someone like Mama Jane, when you talk about your name and the wisdom that comes with that name, um, I'm just honored to be able to learn and grow with you. So thank you for being here. Kylie. Thank you so much for inviting me. It's so interesting that you're finishing up 13 years of teaching and my son is, well, he'll be 18, my youngest will be 18 next month and, or next week rather, next Thursday.

And he's just finishing up 13 years of public school. And, um, I think I'm gonna have to journal on it because I keep saying that I don't have all these emotions, but as you said, that there have been many teachers and many, you know, band instructors and just, um, administrators that have guided my family. I've had, I've put four through public school and we homeschooled for 18 years before that. Um, and so yeah, a lot of p t a moms that I've met. And just some good memories, right?

Good memories, not so good memories. Lots of stress. Not so stress, and so congratulations. So thank you from the bottom of my heart as a teacher, because I know what you give. And, um, I know when you've touched somebody's heart, it just makes all the difference. And sometimes you don't even see the effect of that until years later. Right?

Like, I have older kids that will come back and especially the ones that went to public school, like, you know, when Mrs. So-and-So said in fifth grade, blah, blah, blah. And now it's like, wow, you actually heard that. So thank you. Oh, very true. Yeah. So cool. Well, tell us a little bit about you. So you have a podcast cycles in sanctity. What is that about? So I am a fertility, I'm a Billings instructor and um, but I'm also a trained Catholic mindset coach.

And the reason why I went Catholic mindset coach, I had been in direct sales for most of my motherhood. I always had an side gig to just kind of, you know, Pay the extras, right. With five kids. Mm-hmm. You know, extra school clothes, whatever. Um, and so because of that, personal development had always been very important to me. I understood the mind, I understood the ability to achieve, you know, goals, setting goals, things like that, but I also saw a lot of disorder in that as a Catholic.

And I had to, unfortunately for me, I got into a space where I went really do down a wrong path, um, theologically and got into stuff that. I had to go to confession about. And so I, and, and so unfortunately what I did about 10 years ago, I just threw the baby out with a bath water. And it's taken me a long time to come back to personal development. Um, trying to discover what are the right books to read, you know, who do I listen to?

And when I found Metanoia Catholic, I realized this is the, the truth in that there's a reason, you know, like we can as Catholics understand that yes, our thoughts are part of our mind, which is part of God's, the way God created us, and then our, the act of our will.

And I also saw that when I teach fertility and I teach natural family planning, I mean, there's so many messages that we hear either from the world or from our family of origin or from our friends as young college students or whatever, of um, how are we supposed to behave, right? Mm-hmm. And so I see a lot of, mind drama while I am coaching in my fertility. And I knew that as if I had Catholic coaching under my belt.

It would just be an extra tool that I could provide for my, my, my students or, you know, my, my clients And I do do that many times where, I'll see a woman spinning because of whatever her cycle saying or whatever the issue is. And I'll be like, okay, let's stop. I'm gonna take my fertility coach hat off and I'm gonna put on my, my, my mindset coaching if you're, if you're all right with that. Mm-hmm. And it's just an added tool. So being able to combine the two has been such a benefit.

So then when I was trying to, you know, start my podcast, I wanted, my deepest desire is to remind women how beautiful they are and how important their cycle is to the rest of their, not just their body, but also their spirituality, their emotions, um, everything, everything. But I also wanted to keep reminding them also that our primary mission is for holiness our, our primary mission in life. The reason why we exist is to have a relationship with God.

So, I was kind of like in this moment, like, which do I choose? You know? Mm-hmm. And then, um, my coach, Erin said, well, why don't you do both? And so it's just been a beautiful podcast and I've just been really blessed. Um, the Lord has really been opening up a lot of doors in that regard. And so, um, yeah. And that's where the Wisdom Wellness Coaching also came from is a friend of mine, going back to the name Mama Jane. She just kinda like, you Mama The Mamas? I'm like, well, yeah, duh.

And uh, and so another friend who was Share was helping me get my business off the ground. She's like, I just see you kind of this wise woman that people come to you. Mm-hmm. And you impart your wisdom. And then they go and they do what they need to do. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's kind of, so that's really what co coaching has been for me, is that. I help them create this space so that they can get what they need and then they can go be the com become the best version of themselves.

Like, that's always my desire. I'll walk with you as long as I need to walk with and go do it. Yeah. That's what coaching's all about, like helping people in their moment where they're at and sometimes they might get to a point where they need to come back to you and sometimes they're like, I have the tools that I need and I can go out and I can teach others. And I think that's so incredible.

Um, I love that you talked about, you know, just pursuing a lot of things, but finding yourself at a place where you had to come back to truth and objective truth and um, refocusing on your primary mission. Cuz that's really, that's my, that's my goal too. I think that's, we're all called to holiness and we're all trying to help others grow in holiness and we do it through different avenues, which is much needed.

So yours is through fertility understanding, which, I mean, I think you could tutor me for weeks on cycles and fertility. Um, but mine too is you mentioned culture and how we live in a culture where it's like, we need to go, go, go. We need to do all of these things, and we aren't given time to take a breath. And for those of us who it's kind of hardwired in us to keep doing, keep going, keep achieving, keep pursuing.

If we don't have a way to pull ourselves back and people around us to help us step back and see what is going on, we can get stuck in that cyclical pattern. And even when we know we're in it, I know this is true for myself. Like even when I know I'm in that pattern, I don't know how to get myself out of it. I don't know how to get myself off of that wheel sometimes. And that's where having just an outside perspective and a plan in place, I. I know you're sanguine too.

And sanguine is my secondary temperament, but plan sounds like, ugh. But this is, um, when it comes to my spiritual life, having something in place, even if I'm not perfect about sticking to it, even if I have to adapt, it has been really transformational. You know, Kylie, I have to say that's so, so important because, um, two things that are coming up. First, one of the things for me personally is I kind of have, um, what I say, grounding rods. Mm-hmm.

And then I moved through the grounding rods and, and it's, it's a concept that I figured out while I was homeschooling. Like, okay, these are non-negotiables. Like we have to eat breakfast and we have to go to mass and we have to do this and we have to do that. But they're kind of, throughout the day. And then how we get there sometimes is variable, right? The baby might be crying all morning so we don't school or the kids just read books all day.

That's not what I planned, or something like that. Mm-hmm. And so that was kind of a good way of giving me those parameters, but then also giving me that freedom as a sanguine of, and I, and that's kind of how my personal plan of life has been. Mm-hmm. Um, but the other thing that I, for, revolutionary for me, like a metanoia moment for me in that Go, go, go. What I heard you say is like, we tend to go, go, go.

And I don't remember the actual book cuz I've read so many books on fertility and, and things like that. But this author was talking about as women, we actually have two clocks in our body. We have our circadia clock, which are 24-7, our heart and our cortisol and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then we have our menstrual clock, and it's a completely different clock.

And part of the problem with us as women in the world, and especially as working women of whatever that looks like outside the home as an employee, as a, you know, or as an entrepreneur, is that the world's, um, business world is men oriented, which are, you know, men have this 24 7 clock, but we women have a, an additional clock.

And so the question that this author had proposed was like, what if we women were able to harness our, our menstrual cycle clock and create our world according to that? And it's one of the reasons why at the first few episodes of my podcast, I really to break down the four different parts of the cycle and really talk about like how do we harness that as women so that we do have that opportunity to slow down or we have that opportunity to speed up because of where we're at.

And then I had many women, because I'm postmenopausal. I'm in my winter phase, I'd call it. And I have a lot of friends and they're like, well that's great, but what do you tell me? And, and I use the cyclical, I use the moon cycle. I have a whole, part of that podcast on why that's an actual good and holy thing, it's not a WOOWOO thing. Mm-hmm. But Full Moon is ovulation, which is the creative aspect. And New Moon is the menstruation, which is the resting aspect.

So within those two things that I just kind of move throughout, again, it's those grounding rods, right? And then I move through. Um, but I think that's a very important question that we haven't addressed. And I'm gonna like, that's a whole nother subject. Like, yeah, I'll get into that in July and August on my podcast, cuz I'm gonna do humana vitae and I'm gonna talk about contraception and the pill and all of that stuff. But unfortunately we've lost it.

We've lost our dignity as women of who we are. And it's, again, I guess it goes back to the, the name Mama Jane, like I. Um, Carrie Grass. Do you know Dr. Carrie Grass? Uh, she's written a couple of books. One's called The Anti Mary Exposed. Okay. And I think it's, I think she does theology, the, uh, theology of the Home. Okay. Anyway, the Anti Mary Exposed, she talks about the two worst words for, to call a woman in this day and age is a virgin and a mother. No. Isn't that interesting? Right?

Like when you say something like, and I've, I've been there where I've been in, you mentioned you have a sixth grader. How old is your I have a seven year old. She's Oh, a seven year old. Oh seven. I thought I heard seventh grade. Okay. Um, but when we talk like, you know, fifth grade, right? When we start introducing, you know, bodies and mm-hmm. Virgin is just like this awful word. Like if you said virgin, don't say that. It's like, wait, we wanna be virgins.

We, that's a really good and holy thing. And then the same thing with mothers, right? So I just found that another interesting idea of, um, who we are. Again, it's going back to the dignity. It's going back to who women are and what we have. What gifts do we have to bring to the world? Yeah. So this brings up a question for me. I, I actually have two parts of this, but as women, how do our cycles reflect our spirituality or how can it affect our spirituality?

Cause I think about, you know, the hormones that come with your cycle and. Um, I just finished up a discernment of spirits course, which was absolutely incredible, and we talk about how when you are in emotional or physical desolation, which very much happens to me, uh, you leave yourself vulnerable for spiritual desolation.

And so you have to know kind of those weaknesses and those weak points so that you can kind of defend those walls so that you don't fall into spiritual desolation where you feel that disconnect from God, because that leads to all kinds of things. Feeling isolated, feeling depressed, feeling angry, frustrated, not wanting to be around people. All of those not fun things, but how can we utilize what we can learn about our bodies and about our cycles? Yeah. Such a great question. Oh my goodness.

This is such a great question. Thank you so much. I love this. I love this topic because I, you know, again, I, I, I mean, I just can't separate my body's soul. And I, I think mm-hmm. In my mind, that's the biggest harm that the, the modern world has done, is that we've separated each of those compartments and, um, you know, God didn't, God, God created a whole person. Um, so we, they're all integrated. Mm-hmm.

Um, so one of the things, first of all, going back to our Catholic mindset training, is that we know that the antecedent emotions, right, we have to process them through the recent cycle. And yes, we have certain hormones that. You know, cause us great anxiety or great depression. So of course what's, what's the thought that leads to that? Right. So one of the things that I always recommend is like, this makes sense, uh, but also accepting.

I think the, the other aspect of it is, is, is accepting our bodies for what it is at the moment. And again, it's that, that fight with society. I mean, this sounds really a shock and very counterculture, but, and this might be a little bit gross, I'm sorry, listeners, but I talk about fertility. So, but what is using a tampon? Tell women, when we use a tampon, it tells us we're gonna deny our menstruation.

We're gonna keep going and, you know, excuse the French, but it sucks to be you at this moment. Instead of, Hey, wait a minute, stop world. I'm menstruating, I'm not feeling well. I need to take care of myself. And so that, translate that into a spiritual aspect. Where do we need to spend more time with our Lord? Where do we need to, you know, um, stop and meditate and go internal, maybe journal. What are the reflections that our Lord is showing us?

In my podcast, I talk about menstruation as a really good time to actually go to confession. Cuz literally our body's literally shedding Hmm, uh, you know, blood, right? So let's shed the sins. And many times, like I said, many times we. Judge ourselves, we judge our emotions cuz we're more sensitive. Scientifically, they've done studies where when women are, are menstruating their emotions, not just emotions, but their eyesight, their, the colors are brighter.

The sounds are more like, everything is more, um, that we were more aware. And so a lot of the times, the emotions that come up, it's because we hadn't dealt with anything in the past during that cycle. Now, one of the other funny things is, um, which I, again, I teach in all my classes, in, in my podcast, menstruation is actually the end of the cycle.

It's not the beginning of the cycle, but we train people to start, you know, when we go to the obgyn, like, when's the first day of your last menstrual period? Because scientists needed to see something and that was the easiest way to annotate it. So, okay, we're gonna start day one. And I teach this when I teach charting. Day one is the first day of your menstruation, right? But in reality, if you look at the whole cycle, menstruation is the sluffing off because we didn't create a new life.

Our, our, our body was literally in waiting period. Like, did we create a new life? No we didn't. Okay. So then we have to just kind of clean up the uterus and let's go move into the new one. So that's just, you know, if you take that understanding of what menstruation is, and just take that one little part of your, your cycle and then kind of translate it, okay, Lord, what do I need to sluff off? What am I, because.

We did a, a meditation, on this recently on I am the, you know, the Lord talks about in, in the gospel of John, you know, I am the vine, you are the branches. But the father prunes, he's always pruning, right? Mm-hmm. So it spiritually we could be pruning during, like, I'm gonna set the intention during this next time. I, I'm having my period, my menstruation. How, Lord, show me how I need to prune. What do I need to prune? What do you need to prune? Not me, because it's always him, right?

Holy Spirit is the change agent. So is there a, a, a vice that I need to prune? Is there, um, A memory we need to go into, Lord, that I need healing of. Is there an attitude that I need to prune? Like what, what is it? That's a really great question to ask the Lord in prayer as we're, we're shedding, literally shedding. Right? That's so great. Um, a couple things stood out to me. Accepting our bodies for what they are in the moment I think is so huge.

Uh, this applies not only to our cycles, but also just to, um, illness or health concerns, aging. These are things that have come up over the last couple weeks as I've been having conversations with people. It's just that acceptance, and it's something I've talked about too, because I have really struggled with slowing down as my health has kind of declined over the years.

And it's such a great opportunity, but it's this built-in opportunity that the Lord gives us every single month that we try to just push through. And, you know, I coached high school volleyball for many years and when I was growing up, I remember if someone was on their period and they sat out, it was like, you're such a baby. Get it together, it's cramps. Take some ibuprofen and let's go.

And you know, I, I have seen, we've had girls who have been in so much pain or get so nauseous that, you know, they have to go to the nurse's office and lay down cause they're throwing up. And it's just this acknowledgement that not all of our bodies are the same. And the Lord is inviting us to different opportunities to grow closer to him and to accept. doesn't mean we have to like it.

Acceptance doesn't mean that we have to love what is happening to our bodies, but just acknowledging that this is a gift. Oh, the, it's so true. I, one of my daughters, um, has very, very painful periods. And I remember one time we were sitting in the kitchen, we were standing in the kitchen, and all of a sudden she just literally dropped down. And I was like, what? What's going on? And she's like, I've got a gram. I've got a gram.

And I, I couldn't relate because I had never experienced that intensity of cramps. And it was a, it was a, a beautiful moment for me personally because at that time, I, I actually witnessed what she was going through. Mm-hmm. Because you're right before I had this attitude, she would like sleep and she would just really, you know, first couple of days. And I, and the attitude was like, come on girl. Let's, let's get going.

Um, and I was in the military and that's, that's what I'm saying is like mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. That was the idea, right? Like, oh, you can't hang. But, I mean, how much harm have we done to ourselves and to our fellow sisters with that kind of attitude instead of, Hey, I understand, you know.

Um, and like I said, entrepreneurs, can you imagine if you were able to, you know, during, because you're creating your own business and understanding your cycle, like, okay, during my menstruation, I'm gonna take it easy. I'm gonna choose the easier tasks that I need to do in my business. I'm gonna choose to go to bed early. I'm gonna care for myself.

I'm gonna, you know, eat the chocolate that I need to, or I'm gonna plan on watching the girl movie with my, my, my daughters, or whatever that looks like for you on self-care. And then as we go into ovulation, ovulation is that creative side, the fugundity, right. Um, and like I always tell everybody when I'm teaching is like, it doesn't mean you have to make a baby. It means that God has given you everything, like your whole body is ready to create.

So that that's when you can create, you know, four or five podcasts at a time. I mean, I hear podcasters say that all the time. Like, oh yeah, I did a whole batch and then I went on vacation for six weeks or something, you know, or, or whatever. You're a musician and all of a sudden, you know, you're gonna be going into your fertile phase. Like, okay, I'm gonna write the songs, or something like that. Mm-hmm. Um, I mean, how much more in tune would we be with the world and with ourselves?

And really that's, isn't that going back to the, you know, the original sin, right? If we, if we go back to the catechism, there were, there are four things that broke. The harmonies broke. Was our, first of all, our relationship with God. Second, our relationship with ourselves. Third, our relationship with one another, male and female, and fourth relationship with the environment.

And when we as women take that back just by simply understanding our cycle and just simply by appreciating our cycle and understanding which part of the cycle and how to harness it, how to interact with our ourselves, and then interact with our husbands or our family, whatever interact with our environment. How much more would that, harmony, that original harmony would come back with the Lord too, right? Like, mm-hmm. I don't know.

I just feel like that's kind of like the mission of God, you know, Jesus. Like, we need to get back to the original plan, but we're never gonna do that because original sin. And of course, you know, and we have the concupiscence, we're attracted to sin. But I always, I always meditate on that. Uh, can we get closer? Can we at least like move forward? Yes, yes. And Lord, what are you teaching us? And it's not gonna look like back at the beginning and, uh, the garden of, of, of Eden.

And then of course, the Lord is something better. I mean, what are we, what are we seeing? Well, what is the precinct at Easter Vigil? The, oh, happy fault. Like, if it hadn't been for the original sin, Christ would not have come to redeem us. He had a much better plan. Right? So how do we redeem our, how do we redeem our cycle? What a great question. How do we redeem our cycle? Lord, show us how to redeem the cycle. All right. Holy Spirit, you are here today.

Well, what I'm hearing in all of this, and I was hoping that this conversation would kind of lead to this because my, my vision as someone who functioned with very high stress levels and high, high functioning anxiety, I would say for a long time, and I would just ignore it because that's what you did. Like you, I was task oriented. There were things I had to do and I wanted them done at a certain level. I wanted them done well. And um, so that would lead to stress.

But what I'm hearing is through understanding our cycles rather than it being a burden. Because a lot of times when you think about fertility tracking or you, you know to get married in the Catholic church, you are supposed to take a natural family planning course. Um, but it can be really overwhelming because most of us have no understanding of how our bodies work.

But what I hear you saying though is this can actually reduce our stress levels if we learn how to help kind of sync our lives around what's naturally happening in our bodies, rather than it being an overwhelming, like extra burden, extra thing to do. Yes, exactly.

And the other thing that I, I specifically teach when I, when I'm talking about billings is the, you mentioned that you had just finished the discernment of the spirit course, uh, which is Ignatian and, you know, understanding that discernment, like that slight, it's just a slight movement into consolation or desolation, right? Mm-hmm. And with billings, what I've discovered is that's the gift of womanhood is intuition.

And many times, um, the frustration that women, they think that they can just read, you know, read a book and then I'm gonna chart on my own and then they kind of get frustrated cuz they're not really sure the signs and things like that. That's why you need a coach. But then you, um, how I describe it is, in the beginning when I'm teaching charting, I teach them, you know, like, Like a child, like a toddler. Like this is green, this is blue, this is yellow. Right?

But then as we get older, like this is light green, you know, this is pink, this is roses. And so, and that's what you, you start to see the little slight shifts of your body. That's as it moves into fertility, and as it moves out of fertility, and because you're in tune with your body and recognizing those signs, then that translate into that intuition. Then you've got that skill that then you go into more intuition of where's the spiritual life?

Where, where am I moving a little bit slider or, or, you know, vice versa. And then also, and, and again, as a mothers, I mean, how many children do you have again? I have two. I just have two. I have one girl and one boy. I don't know. I was, anyway, I don't know why I, I envisioned you with lots of girls. I don't know. I, uh, have been surrounded by volleyball players for many, many years, so I had a lot of girls around me. That's probably it.

So, um, but, uh, you, you understand like you have a girl and a boy and they're completely different and sometimes, especially if you think back on your early motherhood, like before they could speak, you just could look at their countenance or hear their cry and understand, oh, they need X, Y, and z. Whereas maybe dad didn't understand that or a stranger wouldn't understand that. It's that gift again, it's a gift of, of womanhood.

We have a gift of intuition, of knowingness, and when I. When I teach natural family planning to couples, that's what I tell, tell the couple, like, the husband is the head, he's the logical one, but the woman is the heart. And so the husband may say, we need to do X, Y, and Z. And it looks logical, it looks right on paper. But the wife may come and say, Hmm, it doesn't, it doesn't sound right. It, I can't, I can't put my finger on it, but it's not right.

And so then the two of them prayerfully, it's that going back to the harmony of working together, not working against each other. So and so, again, when we become who we're supposed to be as women and use all of the attributes as women, then we can help our men become the best version of themselves too. And they can take that leadership role or they can have the, the confidence of going and making the decisions that they need to make and, and things like that. But it starts with us, right?

What is the, what is the old saying? You know, if you want the world to change, then we have to change myself first. Mm-hmm. Or, or we, we say in our coaching world, the coach goes first, right? So if we can look at our own menstruation cycle and understand it and appreciate it. And Oh, okay. Well that's, that's the phase I'm in. Oh, okay. Great. And just appreciate understanding, right? The mm-hmm. Gifts of the Holy Spirit, knowledge, understanding, wisdom, counsel, those are all for the mind.

And then the three for the, the will fortitude, piety and fear of the Lord. I mean, how awesome have we ever thought about, have you ever thought about giving God praise when you're having a period? Right. It's hard. Like, no, we don't, it's hard. I try to, I try to, I've learned really try to like, thank you, Lord. I wouldn't have these children if it wasn't for this.

But, um, We're in that stage where for health reasons that we're, we're still open to life, but, um, not trying to have more children just because of my, my current health status. But, um, yeah, I try to be grateful and it's really been just listening to you speak about cycles and it it's making me reflect on my own marriage. uh, and vulnerable moment here. You know, I haven't always failed N F P just because I was never really taught it growing up. That wasn't something that I knew.

That wasn't something that, um, I wasn't around people, even in my young adult years, I didn't have friends that I didn't know anyone to like be in community with. Um, so while I took a class before I got married, and my husband's not Catholic, but he was, we're like, okay, like we're open to this.

And I wasn't on any kind of birth control or anything going into marriage at that point in time, but it still was like, okay, we had our first baby and I was so sick during my pregnancy and I was so sick afterwards. And your doctor's like, well, here you go. Just this will take care of it. And you don't even think about how that's gonna affect your body. You're in an emotional state.

Um, but if we can educate and have a plan of this is what we're gonna do for our bodies, and this is why, how different would women's lives be? I just appreciate your work. As we have been doing NFP in my marriage, it's ironic how my husband will say, like, I'll be like, "oh, I do not feel well". Yep, that happens every time of this time of the month. Or I'll, you know, I'll say something and he'll be like, Well, duh, isn't it obvious? Don't you know where you're at?

And he is just so, he just knows. And isn't that beautiful? And I mean, isn't, isn't that beautiful that you have a partner that not only sees how your body's changing, appreciates how your body's changing, and then can support you. Mm-hmm. Through that change of wherever? And because you're right, a lot of times we forget like, oh yeah, duh.

You know, um, why do I, I, I mean, for me, I, I think back when I was in, uh, middle school, well, middle school, high school, I went to boarding school, uh, when I was 12, and I would get really homesick and I, I roomed with 12 other girls and or 11 other girls. There's 12 of us. And I would wait until everybody was asleep after snoring and I would just cry my eyes out until literally the pillow was drenched. Like that's how, like that kind of crying uhhuh.

And then sure enough, in the middle of the night or the next morning I would start my period. And it took me about two years to figure out that I only became so drastically homesick cuz I would, I didn't have a very good relationship with my stepmother. And so I always would kind of like question myself, like, why are you homesick? Like, what are you yearning for home? Like you don't get along with, you know, you know what I'm saying? Like, mm-hmm what, what?

But I had this feeling of homesickness and I just, you know, it was this, it was this incredible loneliness and just lack. And then it was about two years I remember. And the only reason why I remember it was two years is I was that in that school at three years, for three years, and I was in a different dorm. And I remembered like the aha moment, like, oh, I do this right before I get my period. Like if somebody had told me that before I started my period, how much better would we be?

I mean, it took me way longer to figure that out than you did. But yes, I mean, even now, like you said, it'll just, I'll be so hard on myself. Like I am not motivated to do anything. I don't have the energy. I'm tired, which I'm tired a lot anyway for health reasons, but I'm just extra, extra tired and I feel like I can't even function. And then it's like, oh, okay, like you're just gonna have to ride this wave and ride it out and it will get better. And it, you know, that's so important.

We were, we were having a conversation, um, a bunch of us postmenopausal women that, you know, women are going through hot flashes and, or, you know, different, different things. Um, health issues of gaining weight or whatever the issue is, right? And again, part of it is accepting our bodies for where they're at at the moment and what are the thoughts that we are creating about that, you know?

Um, and just, I mean, acceptance doesn't mean that I have to agree with it or be happy about it, but acknowledging like, this is what it is, you know? At age 60, I'm not gonna go run, but I'll walk. You know, I'm not my, the young, you know? Yeah. In my head, I think I, with this young 20 something year old that used to jump out of airplanes and could run all day long, I'm not that person anymore. So I have a choice in my, in my thoughts, right?

I could either beat myself up and lament like, I'm not that person. Oh, I used to be able to do that. Or I could just accept the fact and what can I do? Right. And I think that, again, it's, you go back to the plan of life, right? And the spirituality. What is, what is the greatest commandment? Love the Lord and love your neighbor. Well, how do we love the neighbor? But until we love ourselves.

And so I think this is part of that deeper spirituality of learning to love ourselves as we're learning to accept health issues. Like you said, you know, I don't have a lot of energy. I can only do so many things. You know, I've got my period, I can't function. Or like you mentioned, when I was pregnant, I was really sick, accepting the way our bodies are and loving ourselves in spite of it. Because I think a lot of it is we, we judge. We judge ourselves, right?

And we know this through Catholic training we talk about, a lot of times we judge our emotions or judge our thoughts. We won't truly unveil them because we don't want to have someone else judge them. Hmm. Right. And we, and I know this, and I used to tell this to my confirmation women, young ladies all the time, is that the funniest, um, movie that I love that's so true, is What Women Want with Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt. Mm-hmm. And it's so true.

Like half of our battle as women is like our, we are our own worst enemies because we could be the, the most beautiful woman, the most talented woman, the most successful woman ever was. Everybody's, you know, a million followers or whatever. But in our mind we're like, yeah, but you don't, you don't know what my toes look like or whatever, you know? I mean, I'm just saying something really crazy. But, but you know what I'm saying, like, we're never good enough and.

And unfortunately that's part of Eve's, you know, gift to us is, I, that's my, that's my theology, that's my take on it, is that Eve recognized that, you know, I made a mistake and I, I messed up and I'm never gonna be good enough. And I think that's part of that wound, that woman wound of a womanhood. Like, I'm never good enough.

I'm never good enough, I'm never good enough, therefore I have to do X, Y, and z. And like you said, therefore I have to perform, I have to do this, I have to do, I have to earn my worth. Yes, yes. But when we sit in the Lord's love and then we sit in our own love, like, have you ever done that? Have you ever just sat and said, why do I love Kylie? Hmm. That's a powerful question. Yeah. You could journal on that all day long. Uhhuh. And then what are the emotions about that?

What are the, my thoughts about loving Kylie? And then what does love look like? How do I love her? And I've that, and I'm just a, you know, I'm just a few steps ahead of you. That's why I'm Mama Jane. I know that feeling. I know that that, um, health issues and, you know, I had more children and, um, because we have a huge range. My oldest one was 18 when my youngest one was born. It, I just never felt like I could give myself the permission to take care of myself.

I just had to drive on because of all the other kids. And my oldest daughter and I talk about that she's 35, and she and I talk about that of like, mom, you, you, you've literally given yourself to us and now it's your time to, to nurture yourself. And it took me a long time to be able to say, no, no, no. Guess what guys? I'm doing this because I have to do it.

It's actually one of the things, part of my story of why we went into public school is that I recognize that with, because of my health, physical, mental, emotional, I was not the homeschooler that I could be and I had to do something different. And, um, and then that played a whole, you know, identity crisis of if I'm not a homeschool mom, who am I? Right? And then, then that went into the whole, you're a loser, you're a failure, blah, blah, blah.

And until a friend of mine who was a public school friend, she, we knew each other in Cub Scouts, and she said to me at a PTA meeting after one day, she said, I'm so impressed that you chose to homeschool. I go, really? Why? She goes, because you are a parent who recognized that something wasn't working and you were willing to take the risk to do something different to serve your kids. And that has just helped me reevaluate my motherhood. And I was like, oh, is that what I was doing?

I thought I was just surviving, but okay. But, but it, it served me, it gave me the strength to see that someone else saw, again, the role model, right? And that's really what we're doing is that we've gotta be the best we can be. And we sometimes don't know who we're affecting. Just like you said, about 13 years of teaching and being a volleyball instructor or coach. Like you have no clue of the effect that you had on everyone, every single day.

Administrators, other teachers, parents, other team members, other teams, I mean, You're only gonna see that when you go to heaven and you're gonna hear, thank you. It really, like, you're gonna be like, people are gonna come up and say thank you because of you, I'm here. And that's, Hey, hallelujah. Right?

Yeah. Amen. And also just you talking about that, you know, you getting to that place in your own life, talking about with your daughter and slowing down and I had, you know, I kind of learned the hard way. Um, my mom passed away when I was 23, and she was someone who was like, give everything.. I mean, I think that's, most moms, you give everything. Um, and then it's like, well, when the kids are outta the house, then I can slow down.

But we have to step back and we have to recognize that, we have to take moments to slow down right now too. And that's really where the Lord has been calling me for the last several years. And I've been patiently waiting for, you know, the time because I, I did love the service work that I was doing in teaching and coaching. Um, and he was just saying, you know what? This is, this is the next step for you and this is where you're going.

And it's really beautiful and exciting to see how I get to live out this new mission and fully place my trust in him, just like you did when you moved your kids to public school and just let him show up. That's really cool. Yeah. And, and, and it's so important to do that. Um, and of course, first of all, we have to have that relationship with our Lord, right? It, you go back to that plan of life, like, do I have a relationship with the Lord and do I trust him to give me the good things in life?

And so, okay, this, this health issue is happening. What is the good that's coming out of it? You know, I mean, it's one of the reasons why I love being Catholic is that I get to look at the crucifix every single day and realize that there was good in that. And I just have to share a little moment for you. Uh, speaking of spirituality is this past holy Thursday, um, as I was at adoration, you know, at the repose of the altar of repose.

Um, and I'd been sitting there just meditating and really kind of contemplating being in the garden with our Lord and, you know, him sweating and not my will, but thy will be done. And then as the priest took the Eucharist and was gonna, you know, transpose him into the chapel, in my mind's eye, I could hear the soldiers coming with Judas to arrest our Lord. And he turned back to me and he kind of like smiled like, we're doing this.

And it, all of a sudden, like, the Lord just like showed me this knowing this, like, it wasn't how I had always perceived. The, the passion was like he did it white knuckled. Like, okay Lord, I'm gonna do this, but you know, I'm doing, and, and I would always be like, no, no, Lord, no, no, don't, don't do this. No, don't beat him. But at that moment, this Holy Thursday, he was like, no, I'm willing. I'm doing this. Mm-hmm. And it was such a joy. It was such a moment.

I, I don't even know if I can, I'm explaining it right, but the Lord just showed me. Yeah, it was a, a turmoil. It was this spiritual fight in the garden of Gethsemane. But then when he said, my will by be done, and he's like, okay. I'm choosing, I'm choosing this. Maybe there was a little bit of a human fight, but no, my will be, you know, thy will be done. I'm gonna do it and I'm choosing it.

And going back to what we do as Catholic coaches, isn't that the most beautiful thing that we help our clients do is recognize like, you have free will and you can choose this. Do you choose to perpetuate this feeling with this through this thought or do you choose to choose something else? Right. I love, I love it when Erin is coaching, cuz that's, that's literally what she says is like, you have a choice. Mm-hmm. It's your free will. And that's what Jesus showed us in, in, in the garden.

It's like he wrestled with it, but he united his, his, he's fully human, fully divine. He united his human will with the father's will and proceeded. And then if you've seen the passion, which I've seen about a million times, you know, he, he looks to his, our, his mother at one point and says, I make all things new. Right. And that's what he's doing with you and with me and with every single listener. Every day is a new day with him and he's making us new. Hallelujah. Thank you.

It's so interesting that you just brought up the passion because as you were speaking and as you were talking about this story that you had, um, there's a book on the passion of the Christ and it's talks about what went into the filming and why they made the choices that they made. And they talk about when Jesus is in the garden and you know, there's Satan there trying to tempt him and he chooses not to even acknowledge.

And so yes, there's this spiritual fight going on, but he doesn't even acknowledge, he doesn't say go away. He doesn't even just acknowledge that presence. It's like my focus is on the father, and that is where I am choosing to put my attention. And then eventually, you know, that turmoil, like he was physically sweating blood, but it just, it passed. And we see that in discernment of spirits. St. Ignatius talks about it, and St. Thomas Aquinas talks about it.

It's that free will choice, like those thoughts are gonna come in, the enemies are gonna attack you at your weakest point, but you can choose to resist them early. Right? You choose to resist early and keep your focus on Christ. Or if you let 'em in, they're gonna take over and it's gonna take a lot more to get you out of it than if you just kept your vision ahead.

Yeah, I remember reading, um, the rule, I, I don't remember exactly which rule that is, but I remember reading that like, when you're in desolation, you keep going. You don't change your plan of life. And how many times do we hear people say something like, you know, well, I wasn't feeling well, so I missed mass. And then... rule number five, never forget rule number five, when in spiritual desolation never make a change. Yes, okay.

That's what it, I, I, I don't remember all the rules, but I knew that one. And that has helped me because I remember being in a kind, kind of a spiritual desolation or an attack and I'm like, Nope. And I'm digging in and I'm still getting my rosary out and I'm still continuing that day. And again, it's going back to those like points that I have in my life of, um, Because for me as a sanguine, I've realized that when I have too much of a structure, then I get too boxed in.

But I need a little bit of a structure of, okay, these are the things that we're going to do. These are non-negotiables. And pretty much most of them are all my spiritual you know, spiritual activities or spiritual exercises. Um, and people know that. People know that about me. I've been to, I was at a conference one time and they had mass and we were at the booths and some, uh, somebody that was there with me, they, she wanted to look one more thing, one more thing.

And I could get, I was getting anxious cause I'm like, no, mass is about to start, mass is about to start. And then finally my other friend said, why don't you, you go find a seat and we'll be, we'll catch up. Because they just knew like, Mass is important to me. Like, no, this is mass. You know, so there's these non-negotiables.

And so going back to your plan of life, which I love this idea of like, I want to know more about this program, is that if we have these, these posts, these, um, the vision that I get is, uh, I had heard something is like, it's like when, uh, someone's mountain climbing and they, they, they tap into a, a, the anchors. Thank you. That's the word. Anchors. Yeah. Then you have these anchors, and even if you go off track, you can grab the anchor again, right? Yes, absolutely.

And so the first part is like that, that daily mental prayer, but then the end cap that's so essential is the daily examen is reflecting on, how did I do? Because St. Teresa of Avala says that the doorway to the interior life is through prayer and reflection, and so you need both. And if we have the prayer without the reflection, we don't really, we're still progressing in the spiritual life, but you aren't going to have those spiritual gains that you would have if you actually like looked back.

Right. And could have wrote in. Right. And I, and again, going back to Billings, that's kind of one of those things that I talk about also is that the, we make the observations of what our body's doing throughout the day. And then at the end of the day, we have the reflection. And, and it's actually kind of funny cuz I'll, when I'm teaching natural family planning, especially in a pre cana setting, I'll talk about the examen. I use B.A.K.E.R., which is what Father Gailey talks about.

He kind of uses it, um, blessings as the Holy Spirit. "K" He uses kill, which is like the sins, how did I turn away from the Lord? Okay. E is embrace, act, contrition, and then resolve. It's just an easy mm-hmm. Way to do the examine. Um, cuz personally I struggled with the exam and concept for years until I read that. I was like, oh, okay, I can do that. Mm-hmm.

But I mention it, I weave it into my, my class because I say, okay, you're already taking your chart out and looking back throughout the day of, you know, the signs after you've done that, it should only take five seconds. Or, you know, maybe a minute or two now move into your spiritual activity and do your B.A.K.E.R. Or your, you know, your night examen. And that really shouldn't take that long either. But when you have that ability to sit and, and reflect, it causes that space.

And then of course, you know, r is resolved. Right. Well, what am I gonna, what's the one thing I'm gonna change today to move in tomorrow? Uh, when I started doing The night examens it, it has helped me with my, um, with my confessions because I can see. Yeah. And I, and it also has helped me lessen the desolation because I can go back. I try, I write it in a journal. Yeah. And, um, and then I can look at the blessings first. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no. The Lord's been here.

The Lord's been here. The Lord's been here. Cuz of course, that's the tactic of the enemy, right? He wants us, he wants us to think that, A, there is no god, B, he doesn't love us, and C he can't be trusted that those are like his main, you know, tactics and he's gonna do it in different ways, right? Mm-hmm. And so, going back to cycles, what kind of God would give a woman, you know, menstruation, right? Like, you know, I mean, I've, I have heard that you've heard of all, I'm sure I have.

It's funny, but I'm like, no, God. God is awesome and your cycle is awesome. Oh, glory to God. So, so good. Yeah. All right. Well, I had two final questions for you, but one of 'em you kind of already answered, which is, how do you find the strength to show up and stay persistent in your prayer, in your relationship with God every day? Ooh, that's, it's been a battle.

Uh, you know, again, because I'm sanguine, um, when I, when you tell people in case they don't know, in case they're new or they haven't heard before, what is sanguine? Oh yeah. Thank you so much. And actually, this kind of leads into, I'm actually gonna be doing a, a free workshop on temperaments and charting, at the, probably end of June, 1st of July.

It's still an idea in my head, but temperaments, the way it was explained to me, I love it, is that, God created us as a certain material, you know, marble versus clay versus slate. And so there's four temperaments that you kind of lead with. Now Jesus perfected all four of the temperaments. Mm-hmm. Um, but there's more, you know, so sanguine is, um, and again, the temperament, the classical temperaments is using the liquid of our body. So sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric and melancholic.

So those are the four leading ones. And a sanguine is kind like a people pleaser. They like to have fun, they like to be spontaneity. Spontaneity, is that the word? Um, um. They like joy, that's their gift is joy. Mm-hmm. Possibilities, adventure. Um, you know, that's really the kind of their contribution. Like, Hey, let's go do this. This sounds fun. Um, yeah.

When I talk about that in, in the plan of life, like when we're designing a plan of life for someone, your temperament matters because your ability to show up for these commitments, if you're sanguine, you're not gonna wanna stick to a rigid plan. Yeah, exactly. And that's one of those things that I have had to train myself. I'm, like I said, I'm, I'm high choleric, sanguine, but I'm also very secondary choleric. So I lean into the choleric as far as the dress right dress, you know.

Um, but I started with, um, the le uh, the liturgy, the hours 28 years ago, mainly because I didn't, I wanted to pray with the Bible, but I didn't really know how, and I figured, well, this is an easy way. And there would be times where, especially in motherhood and young motherhood, like I would open up my liturgy hour book and I'd be like, oh my goodness, how many weeks have I not looked at this book? Or, you know, oh, we're in a new season. I mean, I can laugh at it now.

Um, and again, part of it is accepting who I am and part of it's accepting, like, that was my life. Um, you know, and I've like, okay, every day is a new day. Am I gonna get to it today? Am I not gonna get to it today? Whatever. I think that's the be best part though, is like, literally Father Gallagher talks about that. You're familiar with Father Gallagher? Mm-hmm. He, um, oh, yep. I just, I just finished this. Oh, I love it. I have that book.

Um, he talks about, uh, blessed Bruno, the founder. I'm not sure I forget his name. Anyway, he talks about every day's like, let's begin again. Let's begin again. Let's begin again. And that for me has been given a, a great hope of like, instead of beating myself up of what I didn't do, okay, again, there's the anchor, grab the anchor and let's go. So that's been my progress and now I'm in a state in life where, um, you know, I don't have little ones.

I'm, when my kids were little, I would, because of my own health issues that were undiagnosed, I would lay down with the baby to, to nurse and I would be the first one asleep in the room. Cuz my three little ones were all in the same room. And they would always like, mom, get outta here, you're snoring. Because I'd be the first one to fall asleep cuz I was always exhausted. And, um, anyway, it's just kind of a joke.

So now, even recently I've been thanking my guardian angel because, uh, the past few weeks my husband likes to watch TV and we will watch TV and I'll get up and it'll be time to go to bed. I'm like, Nope, I haven't said my prayers. And I'll go and I'll say the evening prayer and I'll say the night prayer and I'll do the, and then I get in bed and I'm like, you know what? Thank you, guardian angel. You like, you know, you, you kicked me and I'm doing it like I'm doing it. Yay. Thank you Jesus.

I'm doing it. And that's a rejoice, a success, right? To celebrate. And that's very important in our plan of life. Again, going back to that successes, yes. Our tendency is to beat ourselves up rather than celebrate our successes. So how did I do it? This, you know, How did, and again, going back to the cycles, like menstruation is a great reflection time. And then we begin again, and we begin again. And we begin again. Yeah. Is it, um nunc ceopi, Is that the Latin phrase for it?

I, we actually used always, always we begin again was our volleyball motto this past volleyball season. Good. Oh yes. I love it. I love it. And, and it again, I guess it get just gives me hope. When I did my temperament test through Metanoia, one of the things I love about that Metanoia assessment or The assessment that Metanoia has is, I had studied the temperaments in the past, but the way they do it is they do like out of a hundred percent of each of the temperaments, how much are you.

Which at first was kind of weird. Like, wait a minute, I'm a hundred percent, but you're giving me, you know, 75 of this and like, how can, and then they explained it like, no, no, no. Out of, out of the whole sanguine, this is how much you are. And I'm 33% melancholic, which is like, oh my goodness, that makes sense. No wonder why I feel like I have to be perfect and, you know, all of the, the melancholic traits, but also weaknesses, right? And, and contributions too.

So now I have another tool for my own self to understand myself so that I can be true gift of self. So that it's like, oh yeah, that makes sense. You know, which is why I just, I just love this journey. Yes. And for anyone interested in the temperaments, if you reach out to either Jane or myself, we both have access to the link to send you to Metanoia Catholic. They have a free. Temperaments assessment that you can take.

And then both Jane and I also offer workshops on it and kind of, um, niche them down into our area. But they, they're really incredible. And I know some people, um, I was talking to someone yesterday, she's done the temperaments workshop like three times. And I think if you do it even with different people, sometimes you can do it once with your primary temperament and you can do it again with your secondary temperament.

And just different fruits come out of it every time as you reflect and you grow in your spiritual journey. All right. I have one last question for you. If you had one phrase, scripture or memory that you want listeners today to never forget, what would it be? I would say remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. God delights in you.

That's, if those, those are the two, two ideas, if you can remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, that your body is good, your mind is good, your emotions are good, um, your soul is good, and God delights in all of it. Amen. Beautiful. Thank you so much for being here. Where can everyone find you if they wanna learn more about Mama Jane and all of the wisdom that you have to offer?

So I, of course, like I said, I do have a podcast, it's called Sanctity, uh, one of my cycles and sanctity and funny joke, it's cycles and sanctity. I had a couple people think it was psychos and I was like, wait, no, I have to enunciate. That's so funny. Um, and then I have a website, wisdomwellnesscoaching.net And that's a whole other story, but it's dot net, um, they can reach out if they would like. I will link those in the notes as well. Yeah, that would be great. I have a mini course.

If they wanna take the, the generic understanding your cycle and then if they really need some assistance of charting and how to chart and, and all of that stuff. Or if they just need some Catholic mindset coaching on, on their cycle, on natural family planning, having another baby, whatever. I'm moving into menopause. I'm having issues. All the things. All the things. All of the things. Mama Jane is where you wanna go. Thank you so much for being here.

It was truly a blessing and thank you Holy Spirit for showing up and amen. Thank you. Thank you so much for allowing me to be here. It was fun.