Shawnta Valdes

will not lose our voices. End quote. She's talking about legal and legislative tools, of course, but I feel a deeper meaning tools. Power is about tools. Women, people of color, and the poor have historically been denied access in information about the tools of money, the tools of business, the tools of political power, and we have been alienated from our most powerful tool, our voice. Our voice is a reflection of our life experience, where we've been, and who

we've listened to. But we can also own it and even change it if we want. This is the podcast that's all about the voice, but it's also all about power, Who has it, how we get it, and how we sound when we have it. I'm Samrve. I'm a dialect coach for actors in Hollywood on projects like the upcoming Wonder Woman's sequel, and I'm also a speech coach for entrepreneurs, politicians, creatives, and women everywhere who need to use their voice to

get what they want. Welcome to permission to speak. Let's do this. Today's guest is Chanta Valdez. She is a meditation facilitator here in Los Angeles who helps people privately as well as at the Jain Club, which is a coworking space in Hollywood where I met her. Her instagram is at sit with Shaunta, and her writing and mindfulness

prompts are absolutely beautiful. I wanted to have her on because I knew that she'd be able to speak to the inner work of using our voice to get what we want, How we talk to ourselves, how we trust our voice and set our boundaries, how we build a life where the voice we use to talk to ourselves and the voice we use out loud are actually the

same voice. She talks about how our own voice dramatically changed at a certain moment in her life, how she's confronted racism and spoken out using mindfulness tools, and she even leads us in an awesome meditation specifically for us. This is Shanta. I don't know if you'd call yourself this, but I call you my meditation guru. Um. You do

it daily. Sit and the coworking space that I've been a member of for a long time called the Jane Club, much to my joy, and I want to ask you a few questions about meditation, about mindfulness, about the voice and their connection, But it seems most obvious to just start out with, like who finds meditation? I personally got into meditation, I like to say to people, to save

my life. I was suffering from not only chronic depression, self harming, negative self talk, bullying, abuse of conversations that I hadn't really abusive relationship with myself. Um. And that comes from we're starting off really heavy. That comes from really childhood trauma. Um. The way that I found to relieve that was to turn it in, you know, turn it towards myself, which is very common. And partly what you're talking about is about the voices in our head.

Absolutely another way of talking about voice. Absolutely, um, and my constant companion that you know that, but like you said, that inner voice was always telling me the phrase I always use, I'm a garbage person. I'm a garbage person. And that's a really tough way to go through life, isn't it terrible? And that's how I actually felt. That wasn't you know in anybody to seek attention from others

or to get sympathy. That was my inner dialogue. I knew that I was fundamentally flawed and wrong and bad. I remember hearing a podcast with Alison Janny where she said she was asked how she played such an awful, awful mother in Titania, and she thought, is there anyone in my life who is as cruel as that? And then she thought, ah, it's how I talked to myself.

Here we go. And that's one of the things that I think sometimes keeps people from meditation at first, because the moment that you get really quiet, sit with yourself turned towards yourself, you kind of have to sit through a barrage of that until it sort of settles and then you can really get into like what is going on,

what's in there? But you've got to sit and withstand the uncomfortability, as I call the activation of the body that tells you to get up and flee and open your eyes or run away or do all of the things we can do to distract ourselves. So because I was no longer clearly at some point I was no longer interested in having that kind of relationship with myself. I needed it to change. Our life was going to feel way too long and not worth it. My uncomfortability

and my desperate ration is always a wonderful teacher. It leads me to beautiful things because evengel I just go, I will try anything, anything at all. I also now know, just being able to look back with that wonderful hindsight, this was always inside of me. The path that I'm walking today, The meditation was always there. I had always been attracted to it. I'd always been drawn to it. I've read about it, I looked at people who did

and always thought, well, maybe some day. And I've learned that those little things, I call them slightly not obsessions, but those things that keep coming back to over and over and over and over for me, that's my life telling me over here, that thing that I that little colonel that lives inside of you. So you're always thinking about Paris, and you watch movies about Paris, and I would think, when maybe you need to go with yourself

on over to Paris, who knows. But I've come to sort of use that as a little bit of um, a little homing device to tell me which way to go. And now that I live in this space and inhabit it, I'd like to say most of the time, Yeah, this was always the person I always was on the inside. This person just was not safe to come out. I'm telling me about that living there most of the time. My real question is how does meditation affect the rest

of your life? Yeah, it's made me the kind of person. Well, let me tell you who I used to be, because I think hopefully you will say, gosh, I find that hard to believe. So again, that narcissist that I mentioned, I know that it's there. I just don't have to listen to it. But I only thought about myself all the time. I never showed up for other people. I was the kind of friend where because again I had sort of that trauma and that fear, and I was hiding,

hiding my voice, hiding myself. I became very adept and asking you all about you and connecting in that way, and I would never tell you anything about me. I was so skillful. I could be with you for days on end on vacation and only dip into your life using some of the skills. And but they're not actually skills, they're just really who I am, the way that I can hopefully connect with people who come to sit with me and who sit with me. And meditation, I actually

like to connect with you. And I never did that before. I allowed you to think that you were connecting with me, a false version, completely false, and I lied. I took things that didn't belong to me, I eat other people's food. I just did everything on the opposite. And through meditation I was able to not only look at myself accurately, but for me, the real key is looking at yourself

with kindness and curiosity. So now I have the benefit of when I feel, let's say I see somebody who has something that I want, uh power, prestige, partners, easy things to want, material goods. Sometimes I feel like a little like zoop like I call it an activation, like a little poke inside of me. Something happens and I go, oh, I really want that. Normally I would judge myself for them, like what's wrong with you? Immediately I would go into why do you have to covet? Shame? On you. You

shouldn't be like that. Then my you know, puritanical upbringing comes in and I shame myself into going silent and attacking myself. Now, thankfully I can look at that and go, of course you do your human being. Of course you're going to have wants and desires. And then usually if I can do that, it just goes away rightly immediately.

Then it just becomes a thing that I see that someone has and think I've been able to cultivate a relationship with myself and others where I'm happy for things that happened to you and has nothing to do with me. And it also it sounds like another way of talking about giving ourselves permission. Absolutely, I have permission to be a human being, which I never gave myself before. I needed to be perfect. Perfectionism will kill you. Because of meditation,

the outside and the inside match. I feel fully integrated, which is a gift. I didn't even know that that was a thing to want. So how do you help other people do that? To be honest, what I've noticed is the very thing that you're talking to, your permission to speak. I feel like that's actually what I allow people, what makes me laugh on. The reason I often I haven't done anything it's really you is because what I'm

really doing is holding a container. And I don't say I keep a safe space because I don't know what can be triggering or activating to other people. So I try to keep it safer as safe as possible. But what I do is I allow you permission to be with yourself and to say what is true. So when I encounter the group that I sit with on a daily basis at eleven thirty, part of my technique is checking in with the people in the room. For some people, that is the only moment that they have in the

day to say what is actually happening. You don't have to worry about being judged. As I say to people, that is not my style. I'm not in the position to judge you or your experience, your life. Your choice is nothing. But what I can do is do what they call active listening. So look at you, listen, allow for silence. Every moment does not have to be taken up by talking and fill particularly if someone begins to show signs of tearing up, their voice catches and there

is real emotion coming up. My instinct is always just it used to be like to come towards them, hug them, fell in that space. It's okay, it's okay. I have learned to just sit still. It's tough to say in the podcast, hold you with my gaze and what I hope is a gentle way and allow you to say what is true. That aside, how do you think about your voice when you're actually doing a guided meditation? That's

a great question. Um. One of the things I try to be most mindful of is not doing a meditation voice. I think it is off putting because when I encounter it, it sounds I don't want to say hypnotic, as if hypnotic or hypnotism is bad, it certainly isn't. But that's not what I'm looking for. I think I'm looking for a voice that is guiding me. But somehow that intrudes. I don't know how else to explain, but that sort

of put on voice. I don't like to feel like I'm ever being sold into something, you know what I mean, Like I'm not being sold to me a little like patronizing and maybe it's yeah, I feel like it's like it's also a yogic voice. It like for the very boogie version of yoga of like now what we're gonna do?

It makes me feel embarrassed. It's interesting because like the actual quality of of you know, like resonance of that is probably relatively similar to what you you're doing, but it feels like it doesn't come from as authentic a place. And naturally do you have sort of a quieter, softer, deeper voice. Is this what you sounded like in the in Shanta one point? Now the version? No, here's something very interesting. God, I don't know that I've ever said this to people in my therapy that I have gone

to for many, many, many many many years. Love it. So I was going to ask you how you found, like what your aha moment was, but I was eagining that it was probably it's a therapy as a particular constomatic experiencing which again you know, connecting and with the body and what's coming up. When I started, after about maybe eight or nine months, I really had like a breakthrough.

My teacher my call him Mike because he is a teacher as well in meditations, I call him my teacher about my therapist said, have you noticed that your voice has dropped in octave? What my voice used to be very tight, very tight all the time. And I talked in a register up here all the time because my voice was really tight, because I was living, not speaking. I was never telling the truth ever, I was always hiding.

So when I see people, and I see women in particular, testifying in all the ways that what you're called to do to stand up and take care of ourselves, or in public or in conversation, and they are tight, I'm fine. I mean, we know it in our regular life. We hear friends, how are you doing, Oh, I'm fine. To tell something's wrong, we go up. I mean, you certainly speak to that. It feels to me like it's the service industry voice of like I'm just here to make

sure that everybody else is doing just fine. It's that tightening and that minimizing and that making me small. And I used to live there with that, you know, ready smile, that eager and obsequious manner that I went through the world. And once I started doing this work, when I had a breakthrough, my voice dropped. It got much softer, and you didn't notice, and I didn't notice that. He told me, and then I thought about it, and it could not have been more clear. So the way that I talked

now like this, this is my everyday voice. So when I'm in meditation now that actually I've never thought about it. I think the voice that I am putting out is the voice that I hear in my own head. This is the voice with which I talked to myself. That's what you're hearing. Oh, I never thought about that. That's now my inner voice. So I want to talk about breath.

But actually first I want to circle back on something you just said and actually something that we both just laughed about, which is that higher pitched voice we hear all over but for the people listening who maybe see a little bit of themselves in that and also maybe associated with I mean, I called it the service industry voice.

There's a lot of socialized reasons why we have that, maybe even unrelated to our upbringing or anything, you know, terrible that happened to us, but that we've nonetheless taken on as signs that this is how women should sound, girls slash women, young women whatever, like you know. Sort of that era is where we're still really trying to figuret what the rules are so that we can win at the game that someone else has set out for us so with a massive amount of grace towards that

sort of pretzel that people put themselves in. And by people, I really do mean people who feel marginalized, which you know, unfortunately women sometimes do even though they're the majority. But you know, obviously taking class and race and gender and you know, status within a certain social context into account, how do we all find a version of our voice that feels more like it's real. I hate to say it,

but it's true. It just this work takes work at some point, even though I wish there was a way around it. You're gonna have to at least sit with what is happening. If you are resonating with what I'm saying, if you see yourself in other places and you know that there is something inside that you can't look at, that you cannot name, that you can't sit with it, you can't admit that, you can't confess that at least has to begin the work, like you have to at

least start there, separate from anything else. I think there has to become a moment where you want to be in a just relationship with yourself, a just relationship with yourself. We talk about that with others. How can I make this person, give them the access, make them feel welcome.

What about you? This is so interesting because I feel like we were talking a little bit ahead of you being here about this term self help and how it feels a little like it's been uh sullied and a little bit like it's the it's the word version of the Bougi yoga voice. Um, what do you think? I do not sit passively over and over and over and

over and over and have no movement. I sit so I can see clearly, so I can get my ass up off that cushion and get out there and take care of the things that need to be taken care of, the people, places, the movements. That means something to me. This gives me the resiliency to get out there and shout and march and protest, take care of myself, take care of my family, meet my friends, have jen martinis, all of the things that that make up a life.

That's the way in and that's self help. Like practically speaking, I love it. We'll take a quick break, so we're back with Shanta and I have a few more questions, and then Shanta's going to lead us in a meditation So I have a last question before we sit. What about the people in our lives who don't fit into that category, those who I call living unwisely wisely? How very kind? I love? That actually makes me think of your your compassion Buddhist comment. Will you share that with us? Oh? Yes,

I love this quote. It to say that the Buddha said that you could search the entire world all four corners, and you will never find another being more worthy of compassion than yourself. The first time I heard that, I was so offended and herd I wanted to cry. I couldn't even think about that. Other people are definitely suffering more than I am. It's not a competition. If it

matters to you, it matters, right. So with that in mind, when there are shitty people in our lives who are on their own quote unquote journey, but nonetheless seemed to be intersecting with our journey, what's your suggestion how to sort of shut out ikey energy? Yeah? Um one, I would say, congratulations on recognizing what people in your life feel a little I call crunchier, which people feel smooth

like peanut butter. Who's crunchy and who's smooth? If you walk in thro him, and I get a vibe from you. I listened to that. I don't shun you, but I do not put myself in a position to be hurt by you. That way, we can peacefully coexist. People go, you are such a nice person. People, how do you get along with her? Because all I do is say hello and goodbye and say how are you? I listen, I say thank you very much, and I go, I don't do that. People pleasing, Let's get together and have lunch.

I don't care if you are a powerful person who could give me all my dreams come true. It's really nice to see you. Goodnight. We stay in just relationship with one another. It's very easy. I can just tell who are my people and who aren't, and I just listened to that. It's challenging, especially when it's family members. That's when I detached with love. As my Guru said to me early an hour, practice together forever in my heart, never in my home. WHOA that gave me such a

beautiful perspective. I can forgive you. I can go through without her, whatever it is. Internally. I don't shun people in that way, but I will not bring you close to me. That's just taking care of myself and leaving myself free to take care of others. How do you think about breath as it relates to all this. First of all, let me say I never realized how much I held my breath such an automatic experience. Something displeases

me or I'm frightened, it's so prevalent. Didn't know that happened until I started meditating, when I had to just watch this breath. This breath, you know, it's so repetitive, much like that's like boring, and it's revolutionary supposed to be boring. That's the whole challenge. What happens to your mind as soon as you are bored. What I noticed is and again I've been a meditator for about thirteen years. Let me just put some context around that. But just

this spurs I don't know about that. It's like a baby, little baby in meditation. But over the past year, I have found myself feeling my boundary getting crossed, Like even as I can think about it, but you can hear like my I get a little shaky just even recalling it. That's how powerful this mind is. It's such a fascinating

to watch. So I'll take a breath, calm down. So as soon as I feel my boundary being crossed and I get that activation in my body, my previous response was just to say nothing, get quiet, shut down, become invisible, get small, whatever it was, Get away from this experience, get away from this person, and not use your voice. Say nothing. Of course, there is safety and being sounds when it's going to save your life, of course, so I don't want to give anyone the impression any kind

of shame. You can now pick up like, well, I didn't say anything about people get paralyzed. It happens when you're able to first notice that that's happening. Is powerful. Again, Remember my old belief was I'm a garbage person, so anything I feel is wrong. I now recognize. Is that feeling inside of me as energy organizing for me to give a response if I need to, of course, get

my body to be safe physically, get to that. But more often than not, I'm just standing across from another human having any experience that I have decided has gone sideways. And I love this term organized right because that idea of sort of our body being disorganized, thrown out of whack, right, our thoughts, our body, our breath, our voice not being in alignment. And then you're sort of suggesting that in

the moment, we actually can do something about that. I think you build up to, but I think again, I took that messaging and the way that it would feel. It was so uncomfortable and ikey that I was like, I have to get away from here. Now I recognize that as Hello, something has happened that you don't like. What's happened? Do you know it? This energy is telling me to do something, stand up for myself, say the

boundary has been crossed. Something is supposed to happen other than silence, which is the only way I ever responded to. Anything that's slight would displeased me or frightened me. Now, so if I'm in a moment and it happens every day, I would have to say, because I moved through the world as an Afro Cuban woman, I'm a black woman moving through the world, I am confronted frequently with people trying to disrespect me, to make me invisible, and to keep me quiet. My job is to disrupt. My job

is to disrupt the machine. That's a given. I've also come into that experience but what's happened is so I'll have this moment. For instance, let's say, oh perfect, I was on a meditation retreat. As we were sort of checking in before we went into noble silence, a lovely

woman noble silence, it's called it's called noble silence. There's no talking and no looking other people directly in the eye, sort of keeping your eyes down because when you do, even in silence, you're sort of engaging, and that can take someone out of their experience communication. I am there

to have an experience with myself. So right before we go into noble silence, a lovely, lovely woman wide identified woman said to me, you know, I've got two Chinese daughters or getting to know each other, and you know, I keep telling them, you know I don't see colors. I want you to know I don't see color. And my head internally exploded into a million pieces. The reaction was still. It felt violating, It felt embarrassing, and felt hurtful. It felt dismissive. Now I had a choice. Am I

going to react to that feeling? Curse her out, grab my stuff, and get the hell out of this meditation retreat because now she's ruined it by being racist? Or am I going to respond? React versus respond? Where are we going? I choose to respond, So the first thing I did was recognize what was happening in my body. I was like, oh, I've gone insane crazy. I don't know. I mean to any people of color, any of the marginalized humans listening to this, you know what I'm talking about.

As soon as someone does that, your whole body just explodes. It makes me go crazy for about five seconds. Then I remembered, all right, this is how I feel when these kinds of bad and drees, these racial moments they make. Those are like I get inflamed. So I allowed just like a beat, and then I remembered, and I looked

at who I was in conversation with. Is this really a messed up racist woman completely ignorant, or is this a potential ally or someone who sees herself as an ally who doesn't have the language to say what she needs to say. Again, as I said earlier, this work takes work. So when you were sitting and I said, before you say, you've got to find out what's going on with you, I knew from experience that this woman was not a dangerous human. She just didn't know what

to say, right. So I've also done work outside around racial awareness, so I have some tools. Again, once you identify what your work is, it goes in all the places. So I turned to her very kindly, and I explained to her that that's very hurtful in the same voice that I'm saying right now, because as a person of color, I don't want to be erased. I want you to see my color. I just want to be treated with the same dignity and respect that you treat anyone else.

She looked at me sort of not shocked, but it was a beat. And again I let the silence be there for about five or six seconds, which was very challenging. Now Here is that moment permission to speak. I gave myself permission to stand up for myself, to honor what was happening in my body, and then I gave myself permission to say the words that I wasn't able to say when I was a kid, that I wasn't able

to say in my twenties or my thirties. It's now that I'm in my forties that my voice has finally come up from the valley from my fingertips, all that anxiety and just and it came out again just the way I'm saying it now. She looked at me and she said, I had no idea I had. I've never heard that before. I am so sorry, and I'm going to apologize to my daughters because I've said that so many times to them and I didn't know I was doing harm. I said her, there's I thank you for

the apology. It was clear it was not meant to hurt me, and I could see that there was shame inside of her about thinking she had heard her daughters and explained her they may not even know, but just saying that to them, we'll heal it. Let them lead you. Now, you know not to do that. We had a beautiful experience over the next week that we weren't talking. The energy was so warm because I gave myself the moment, the pause, and the permission to say what was true.

How often have we all avoided conversations that are difficult for fear of hurting someone else, for fear all of the things. Again, take care of yourself first. I took care of me. I calmed myself and I told myself, it's okay. You can say what you need to say. Let the chips fall where they may, but you're going to say what has to be said. And look what happened. We exchange phone numbers before I left. I'm gonna see their to other next year on retreat. It's gonna be great.

It makes me think of something that you wrote once, because I think part of Sit with Shaunta is going to be Instagram and sort of content that you've created. And you wrote this, I want to read it. You wrote, I believe in letting the light shine where it is darkest, illuminating all my broken parts. That's what has freed me, healed me, and made me stronger. As Leonard Cohen so brilliantly wrote, forget your perfect offering. There is a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.

You're making me crying upon I'm not crying on my own words. That's not what it is. I'm not that narcissistic, but it's that Leonard Cohen quote. I feel like my twenties, when I really didn't have anything going right career wise and was really struggling with being taken seriously as I was trying to be an actress, which is not a career where people take you seriously, has had such a massive impact on the people who come into my space.

Now your actors love you, and not just the actors, you know, this ends up being really for everybody, that sense of I'm trying to be taken seriously in a world that has predetermined or that you know, makes decisis based on how we look or you know whatever, all of the things and the whole like sort of revolution of trying to take up more space, maybe not even just trying, but like succeeding at taking up more space, all of us together, all of us who are not

you know, the straight white men of the world who have been handed maybe a little bit more power, a little bit more easily, you know. Is something that uh, I feel so deeply connected to because it really lived, you know, the hard version of that. To come out the other side and to use my cracks for good. It's amazing, isn't it. Okay? So I have asked Shanta if she doesn't mind, and she has told me that she doesn't to actually lead us in a five minute meditation.

So if you're driving, stop listening now or pull over, you know, and I'm sure this is a bit more of a condensed version. I know that in the context of the coworking space where you lead these you've been like shocking us with how long we actually can and want to sit. I would yes encourage you if it feels comfortable to close your eyes, be someplace that you, you you know, maybe can rest safely with your eyes closed,

in your car, in your bedroom, someplace like that. I'll first ask you to adopt a posture that speaks to the work that we're about to do, a little bit of wakefulness, you know, But if you need to lay down, that's just fine too, and all ask you to come to stillness and just notice breathing, just for the moment, turn towards your own experience, your own body, and if it helps you, maybe even say this body, maybe let go of my because what we're trying to do is

just notice what is happening, without judging it, without classifying it, without having any kind of reaction. We just want to notice. So right now, as we come again to further stillness, we're just noticing the breath. And I love to use mantras to keep us present in the here and in the now, because the brain is always busy trying to take us somewhere else. So I'll invite you to pick up these mantras and just say, as you breathe in and out, very simply, I am breathing in and I

am breathing out. I like to sometimes say I'm watching my breath rise, and I am watching my breath fall. Find the joy and the repetition of breathing in and breathing out, watching the breath rise and fall. Now as you do, perhaps you'll even notice the gentle rush of air over your toplet may be coming out of your nostrils. Maybe your chest is softly rising and falling. Maybe your upper back is now beginning to unwind, and there's some stillness coming into the body. Again, my breath is rising

and my breath is falling. I am breathing in and I am breathing out. And as you begin to watch your breath, bring it to your awareness. Also, what is the state of your body right now? So as you are breathing, is it possible that the breaths are tight and shallow, owing some type of anxiety or tightness that you're experiencing, Or maybe you already have gotten the message your brain has gotten the message to allow the body to relax, and deeper breaths are not coming on board.

Maybe even your belly is rising and falling in. Your lower back is now beginning to unwind and relax. And this very focused breath that we are cultivating, let's take it and let's just position it on our forehead. So as you breathe in and out again, you are a kind observer of what is taking place. You're not judging it, you're not wishing it was different, and you are certainly not manipulating the breath. You're letting it happen as it does all day every day. Do what it does. Breathe

in and breathe out. We are just watching it happened. Breath is rising and breath is falling, and we are just taking it and placing it on the forehead. So bring into your mind's eye your forehead and just breathe there in and out, rising and falling. Take that concentration that you are now bringing to the front, Place it in the palm of your left hand. Place it in your right palm, the back of the left hand, in the back of the right come to rest in your

belly breathe it and breathe out. Watch your breath rise and fall, and as you said, feel into what is bubbling to the surface. What wants to be said? What are you carrying? I always like to remind everyone to the degree that you can face it. Maybe for just right now, you just want to mark all there's something there. I can't quite look at it. Can you just notice that something is where, that there's something in the body that wants to be said, that wants to be seen.

What are you holding? What is true? Now? If that's brought up any pictures and stories and now maybe you're in conversation with someone who is not present, I invite you to leave that to the side. I'm not going to follow it down the rabbit hole of explanation, but we will do is stay present for what's happening in the body. So as we are breathing, and if the prompt what are you sitting with broad up, let's say a conflict with someone. Just notice what happens. Does your

chest tighten when you think about that? There's something in your belly, maybe in your head. Notice just what's happening and notice, oh, there must be something that I need to deal with later move on, keep breathing in and out, and then see what replaces that thought the very next one. What's coming? What joy are you holding? Where are you holding yourself back? Where is your critical self talk? Can you leave it to the side, Notice what is coming

up in your body and your experience. And I'll ask you to take that concentration and that breath, move it to your throat, breathe in and breathe out. Your breath is just rising and falling. And I want you to bring to mind your throat feeling relaxed, open, and imagine the words that are residing inside of you that don't feel like there is a place to be heard that

is safe or ears to hear it. See yourself moving and talking and expressing yourself in a way that feels whole, in a way that allows you to feel evenly matched from the inside to the outside. What would that feel like to say what you need to say when you need to say it, allowing yourself to communicate what is true for you As you just breathe, notice the response of the body with just those prompts, breathing in and

breathing out. I'll ask you at this point to give yourself a deep o of internal gratitude for just taking a moment to try this exercise. I'll also ask you to set an intention for yourself that no matter what came to the surface, life is always a mixture of the sour and the sweet, light and shadow. Set an intention to take care of yourself with whatever came up for you. So, if there's something you need to tell someone and you and you're ready to do that, I

encourage you to do that. If you need to be in connection with someone who you love to day to feel a little propped up in your life, a little bit in your own cheerleader, call someone you love, let them do that for you. If you're well is pretty filled, turn toward another see if you can be of service to another person today. Feed yourself when you're hungry, give yourself water when you're thirsty. For you, send that next email, Take a moment, pause, Will it serve you? Will it

do what you intended to do? Thank you for taking this moment to be with me. So I will ask you again to continue to observe your breath. Take three or four beats here, and when you feel ready, open your eyes, come back into your space. Thank you so much. Thank you, and we're gonna take a quick break and find out who you have brought in for us to hear. Okay, and so we're back, and Shaunta, I would love to know who you have brought in for us. So I

have selected my friend Alexis to vote. Author, former professor, woman about town in the city of New Orleans, now recently relocated there. And I selected Alexis. I mean I could select her for many reasons. She uses her voice to push I don't want to say push forward, but to continue the conversation around race and gender and all of the things that are worthy of conversation. But the thing that I love, So I could pick many things. She's an award winning book writer, and she wrote she

wrote to award winning biographies. One of them is on Billie Holiday, and one of them is on Audrew Lord, The Audre Lord one is. When I met Alexis, it was just sort of out and I was blown away by not only the time and the research and all that she did, but the way that she was using her voice to elevate another voice that is so close

to my heart in the hearts of many people. But the reason that I selected Alexis is not for her many accomplishments, but about something she really has no control over. And it's actually her laugh, that sort of that form of her voice. And the reason I love her laugh is it sounds like it almost sounds like she can't control it, like it bursts forward, burst forth from her. And when you see Alexis, she is obviously a very

beautiful woman. She has what because my own mother has when she has this beautiful gap in the front of her teeth, and when she laughs, she laughs with her whole mouth open, head thrown back, belly shake. I mean, she just goes for it. And it's a kind of laugh that not only if I hear it doesn't make me smile, it makes me feel loved, the amount of joy that's in it. And knowing her, her life has been a lot of things what I wouldn't say easy, And I'm not going to take over her narrative or

try to project my feelings about her own life. But like any human life, it has its ups and downs. It's had its share of loss, tragedy, maybe things people want to call unfair. But to possess that laugh, there has to be some kind of hope that lives inside of you. M hm okay. Here. She is born and raised in North Carolina and the Husky In North Carolina.

She began her life as a young woman as a teacher, and when she came north as part of the Great Migration, was unable to teach in New York City because New York City was segregated, and so she lived her entire life working as a maid for a family by the last name of White, if you can imagine, that pissed me off. But she taught in Sunday School. She understood that space as a space that she could become the teacher she wanted to be. I mean, I love that

also because of the content. Right, she's talking about somebody literally finding the space in which they can be an authority figure when they have been deprived it elsewhere, marginalized all the way to the edges. Yeah. And then and then like pushing in, doesn't surprise me that that's Alexis grandmother. That spirit lives very much in alex system. So I love this clip because it's it's it's what I like

to call you know, in general terms of storytelling style. Right, there's this person and here's what they were like and let me try to put into words this experience. To be able to do that is something we all have in us, but we sort of forget that that is a mode when we're public speaking that we can rely

on to touch other people. Let me tell you a story about someone who right, and that the confidence that she has in that like whatever comes out, even though it's not a perfect articulation of this woman I'm trying to tell you about, is touching on the spirit of it. And I trust that I can touch on the spirit of it. You know, That's what I hear in her voice. And I love that little aside. I mean I almost

picked this clip because of that little aside. Right, she references it amusing name of the family, and then she offers the space for people to have a little giggle at the tension and then right, and then she buttons that moment by saying, pissed me off. And she doesn't go all the way into anger on that, but she allows herself to say makes me feel things, and I'm not going to apologize for it, and then we're going to move on, which in and of itself is so powerful.

I mean it really is it really so powerful to be able to sit with that. It's lovely. Having done research on her, I know that among the writing styles that she's written in is one is poetry. But I almost don't need to be told that because it feels like she's sort of The pissed me off wasn't just like God, guys, that really pissed me off. It was like pissed me off. It was like it had a rhythm to it and kind of an inherent sense of like I am owning this moment and dropping it for you.

That is very much Alexis. Even in that short clip, you can certainly as you get that from her, and that's how she is in real life. She is lyrical. I wish we all, like you know, newer so we can hear the laugh that does not seem to be something that she has done a huge amount publicly in the YouTube clister are available. M Samara, this is Cat, Everyone,

This is Cat. I wanted to just wait in here for a quick second because we've talked about breathwork being so important, and I feel like the moment for laughter as much as it's I'm not talking about humor in speech,

because that's a whole different conversation tomorrow, I'm sure. But the importance of laughter, to really hit the nail on the head with what you said, is that it gives us a moment to take a breath, the listeners a moment to take a breath, the speaker a moment to take a breath, to do exactly what you said to then bring them back to the point of what really matters, and that it is it only giving space for that

point to be so poignant and powerful. But we all just take a breath, and we relax, and we sit into ourselves. And I feel like that breath work, like you speak about, is such an important tool in public speaking, and so it's very interesting where it differentiates between the importance of bringing humor into a speech versus bringing breath work into a speech. And I find that to be

incredibly powerful and interesting thought totally. And I also feel like the idea of laughter, or of an aside in this case, having a real communication value of in and of itself, is something we can all remember, because the concept of an aside sounds like it's just a little parenthetical throwaway. But throwaways and breath are in the same category of things that we might discount when we're talking publicly that actually hold huge amounts of communication value. Thank you, Shanta,

thanks for being here. I'm such a pleasure. I so appreciate it being here. Thank you. Thank you to Shanta for coming in. You can find out more about her in the show notes or on our website Permission to Speak pod dot com. Also, you can go to Permission to Speak pod dot com if you have any awesome quotes you'd like me to read at the top of the episodes, and if you have any questions, I will do and ask me anything episode from time to time, and I want to know what is getting in the

way of your voice. You can also send d M s or voice messages to our Instagram at Permission to Speak Pod, where we're posting a bunch of content and please join the community. Thanks as well to Sophie Lichterman and the team at I Heeart Radio, to Megan Read, to my family and cohort, and to all of you.

We're recording this podcast in the I Heart Radio studios in Hollywood, on land that used to belong to the Tongva indigenous tribe, and you can visit U S D A C dot us to learn more about honoring Native Land. Permission to Speak is a production of I heart Radio and Double Vision Executive produced by Katherine Burke Canton and Mark Canton. For more podcasts from my heart Radio, listen on the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows.