What's the World's Most Ridiculous Video Game?

on every system ever made. And they of course make these like little computers where you can go back and try these games from pretty much every system, so it is kind of fun to, uh, to get into it with him. But there's one that he's not familiar with. So I don't know if you know this, but before they were making graphic calculators, Texas Instruments used to make a computer for kids. It was actually called the t I. So weirdly, I actually know this because I had one.

My dad was super into gadgets and early computers and and so I had one in my room when I was like four, which is which is crazy. But you know, the weirdest thing about the system is that, like the t I definitely had the place for cartridges, but it could also hook up to a cassette player and and it would play games through like tape cassettes essentially, so so like the cassettes would feed data into the computer,

which is which is nuts. And I actually like thought about this like a few years ago, and and I had to look it up because it felt like a dream, like it didn't feel real. But but but the weird thing about my T I nine was I had none of the fun games. Like everything my parents bought for me was educational. So I think like the most fun game I had was Chess. It's a lot of bit of a relief because I thought I was going to tell you everything I knew here and you're gonna be like, sorry,

I already knew that. But uh so there's a T I ninety nine game that's definitely not educational. It's called Garbage Belly, and it's why I brought the system up in the first place. I was reading about it in PC mag And this is what the back of the Garbage Belly box said. It says, help garbage Belly gobble up the ripe garbage in a field of garbage pails. But watch out if you make him eat raw garbage,

he will die. Garbage Belly. I feel like I've never heard anyone say the word garbage so much to like sell a product. But isn't it weird that the character dies from raw garbage, like like he only feasts on the finest garbage, which is cooked garbage. Yeah, I mean he's got to die from something. Plus, you know, just because his name is garbage Belly, I don't think we can assume like that he wouldn't have discerning taste, like some garbage does have to taste better than other garbage.

That is a good point. So what was was this game? Any good? No? It's terrible game. I mean, you're lucky your parents brought you the the educational games only, But Garbage Belly is just the first of nine ridiculous video games that we're going to talk about today. So blow the dust off that old cartridge, enter the up down up down code, and let's hit start. Ya Hey there,

podcast listeners, Welcome to Part Time Genius. I'm Will Pearson and as always I'm joined by my good friend Man guesh Hot Ticketer and on the other side of the computer screen cleaning house in a ferocious game of pac Man, that's our friend and producer Lowell. He is actually guys, he's sharing a screen right now and I honestly, I wish our listeners could see this because he is tearing through those ghosts, just one after another. It's a total

blood back. Yeah, it's really impressive. Um. It actually reminds me of that scene from Dirty Rock, just saying the word pac Man, like when someone tells Tracy Morgan but uh that the guy who created pac Men just passed away, and and he says to put out a bowl of cherries and some ghost meat in his honor. Pretty fitting tribute there, But unfortunately pac Man is way too mainstream for today's show because we are on the hunt for some deeper, weirder cuts, and to help us find them,

we brought along our good pal Gabe. Gabe, thanks for joining us again. Hey, yeah, it's my pleasure. Thanks for invite me back. Guys, Yeah, of course. So I I am curious, like I haven't played games in forever, and I think Will is the same, although both our sons are obsessed. But Gabe, you play video games, right, Like, have you spent all your summer playing Animal Crossing like everyone else? No? I have not. I'm the one person who hasn't, I guess, but I did play a different

kind of simulator game this summer. It's called untitled Goose Game. Maybe, guy, I have seen my son play it? Yes, actually, yes, right, it's awesome. It's it's basically a goose simulator and uh yeah. You play as a goose wandering around this little English village and all you can do is hawk flap, grab things with your beak, run, you know, typical goose stuff, and so the goal is really to just annoy the

townspeople and cause as much mischievous possible. It's it's kind of amazing, and if you've ever wondered what it's like to be a goose, this is probably as close to the real thing as you're ever gonna get. I'm sold. I feel like this is a reason to play video games again. But what I really like about that is, like the concept kind of feels like a throwback to the early days of video games when there just weren't as many expectations and you could get away with making

a game just about anything. So, like, you know, my first pick for today is actually a great example of that. It was released for the Tari back in and it's called Sneaking Peak and it was basically Hide and Seek the video game. So why didn't they just call it hide and seek? I know, and sneaking peek sounds like so dirty person, But I mean, branding is just one of the game's many problems. You know, it's a two player game. One player just has to look away from

the screen while the other player hides. And then the player who's hiding doesn't do anything at all while the other person looks for them on the screen. They just like stay put and hope time runs out before the other person finds them. It's it's kind of crazy. Yeah. Wait, so this was a game that required one player to not look at the screen at all and another player to not touch the controller. I mean, are we even

sure this qualifies as a video game? But you know, it's kind of like, um, I don't know if we'll remember this, but when we were like trying to brainstorm board games, we came up with this idea for Tag the board game. We're the only thing inside the like the boxes, a cone for base and maybe maybe like a pin that says it. You know, like, I feel like this is almost as bad. But you know the worst part of the game was there there weren't that

many hiding spots in the game. The games set in the house, but you can only go to three rooms plus the yard, so finding the hider isn't that much of a challenge, and you'd actually be better off just going outside and playing a real game of Hide and go seek. Okay, so Sneak and Peek sounds like a pretty weak substitute for the real thing, but my first pick for today offers a gaming experience you'd be hard pressed to find in real life, and in fact, I

do not recommend trying. The game's infamous now. It's called Takeshi's Challenge, and it was only released in Japan back in nine six. The title refers to a real life comedian and actor named Takeshi Kitano, and he was a pretty big star in Japan at the time from what I understand. Yeah, he's actually um he was a director too, and he directed uh this movie Sono Teene and Fireworks,

the really beautiful but like violent films. Oh awesome. Well, according to legend, the video game company behind Space Invaders, they wanted to meet with Takeshi, and so he agreed, and they got together in a bar to see if he'd be willing to make a game with them, and

Takeshi wasn't all that interested. He didn't even like video games, but the company was picking up the tab that night, so he's stuck around, and over the course of a few hours, Takeshi drank a ton of rice wine and he gave the designers his stream of consciousness ideas for a video game, and then with notes in hand, the designers set to work creating what would become one of the most bizarre adventure games ever made. That's going to have to be pretty strange to top a Goose simulator,

because that sounded sounding pretty random. If he asked me, well, trust me, this was way weirder. The main character was an ordinary businessman, and while the game didn't spell it out for you, the ultimate goal is to make it to a distant island where a cave of treasure awaits you, and the only way to get there is basically to

have the most extreme midlife crisis possible. To get this, you have to quit your job, divorce your wife, get drunk, fight the yakuza, sing karaoke, learned to hang glide, travel to the South Pacific, and of course blow up some alien space ships. It sounds about right, Yeah, and uh, because this was all jumped up by a guy who dislike video games. The tasks themselves were not designed to

be enjoyable. So, for instance, to beat the karaoke section, you have to actually sing into the consoles built in microphone, and then your performance it has to be judged as good by the computer. And here's the thing, there's no criteria for the performance. So if the game says you're singing is lousy, then you just have to do it again until you get it right. If that wasn't and

if that wasn't infuriating enough. Once you actually beat the challenge, the reward is a treasure map, but it's written an invisible ink, so the player has to sit there without touching the controller for an entire hour while you wait for the map to appear, and if you touch a button any sooner than that, you're thrown right back to the karaoke challenge. It's sadistic. It sounds like such a

like big practical joke. That's exactly what it is, right, Yeah, some people think that, you know, the whole thing was just Takeshi kind of thumbing his nose at people who play video games, and and the game's ending actually lends some credence to that, you know, spoilers, But if you managed to stick with it through all the frustration, the only reward is a little drawing of Takeshi's smiling face and a message that says, why are you taking this

game so seriously? All right, Well, if you're in the market for something a little more relaxing and honestly a bit less soul crushing, I have a recommendation for you. It's it's it's a little puzzle game, and it's called Hattriss. And I know what you're thinking. You're like, this is just Tetris but with hats. But no, my friends, this is Tetris with hats and the severed heads of Frankenstein and Abraham Lincoln himself. So what was this game? Also

designed by a drunk Japanese comedian? Now this this is actually from the creator of the original Tetris. So this was back in Yeah, this is true. He went back to the drawing board and perfected his original idea by swapping different shaped blocks for different kinds of hats, so the hats would descend the screen two at a time, and the goal was to place them on one of six heads lined up at the bottom, So stack five of the same hat on top of one head and

they would disappear, just like those lines in Tetris. So I guess that kind of makes sense. Like how does the head of a b Lincoln fit into this stuff? Yeah, that's the part I'm not quite so sure about. I mean, like, I guess they wanted some recognizable heads to stack hats on, and of course Lincoln fit the bill. We always think of him with a hat on. But you know, the better you do, the more new heads you unlock. And so in addition to Lincoln and Frankenstein, there's also of

course Charlie Chaplin and Dracula, the usual crew. Yeah. I like that they picked notable hat wears like Lincoln and Chaplin, but they're just throwing a couple of monsters. Makes sense. There's there's one thing Jacula is known for you, It's it's iconic. I mean, the whole concept is a little effusing to me. But what type of hats are we talking about, like baseball caps, berets, Like what what is

in the mix? Well, there there's Lincoln stove pipe, and of course Chaplain's famous bowler, which which which makes sense. But but you're right, there is a baseball cap along with a cowboy hat. Let's see what else, the top hat and one of those pointy cone hats that like wizards wear, and so it's a pretty good mix. But the game never actually explains where this endless stream of hats is coming from, or of course the severed heads for that matter, which I guess is why you've got

to have a sequel to this. But speaking of sequels, my next pick is kind of a spiritual sequel to that game Gabe talked about forever ago about David and Goliath. It was we talked about in our Philistines episode, and I've kind of been obsessed with it ever since. It was Bible Adventures, right game, that's yeah, So I was, you know, fascinated by it. So I looked into other Biblical games and a few years after that came out, the same developers released another Bible based game called Super

three D Noah's Ark. This one was actually for the Super Nintendo and it was built using the same game engine as the first person shooter game Wolfenstein three D. He said, first person shooting, Like was this actually a shooting game? Like? This is Noah running around through the

arc like gunning down animals or something. Yeah, pretty much, except obviously they didn't have guns back then, so instead, Noah's got this trusty slingshot and uh an endless supply of fruit, and the game storyline is that the animals are sick and tired of being cooped up in a crowded boat. I guess it kind of feels like quarantine and uh, and eventually all the animals go rogue, so Noah has to protect his family by launching fruit at the animals until they all get full enough to slip

into a food coma. So, I mean, I think it's safe to say the designers took a few liberties there, or I mean, I don't know, Maybe it was just my translation, but I don't remember an animal ram page and a shooting spree being part of the original story it again, game you just think that part. Yeah, that's some punch. But when I looked it up, it feels like the Bible doesn't say anything about what actually went down onto arc, Like it covers what happened before, and

it covers what happens after the arcs boyage. But you know, maybe this is exactly what happened. Yeah, I mean, you know, you just you never know. But I feel like we need to take a quick break so we can all look this up. This game just seems too weird to be true. But we do have four more weird games to talk about, so we'll be right back. Welcome back to Part Time Genius, where we're talking about some of

the strangest video games you've probably never played before. I think it is your turn, next game, So what's your second pick? Okay, So if you thought Noah's Ark was a strange idea for a game, then brace yourself for Wars Rex Ronan, Experimental Surgeon off to a great start, right. So this was a Supernintendo game as well, and weirdly enough, it was designed as an educational game, or you know,

at least in theory. The game was meant to teach kids about the real world danger of smoking, and to help deliver this message, the developers came up with a pretty out there storyline. So here's the pitch. A wealthy tobacco salesman is dying and it's up to you, Rex Ronan, to save his life through the miracle of experimental surgery.

So by shrinking yourself to microscopic size, you're able to enter the salesman's body and blast away his sickness with a high powered blazer, Like I love the detail here. So you basically shrink yourself down and then you what do you do? You like, clean out the guy's lungs or something. Yeah, and not just his lungs either, Like another level has you blasting fatty deposits in his heart, And there's even a part you have to enter the

guy's brain to quote remove the nicotine addiction. Sounds works, right, that's exciting. The weirdest s part, you know, which is saying something, uh, is that the game has a side story where the tobacco company finds out about your plan, and then in order to keep the salesman from talking bad about the company, they send a bunch of tiny evil robots into his body to kind of finish him off. So so, not only are you fighting disease, you've also

got hords of tiny robots to contact with. I feel like that's, uh, that's what experimental surgery is, right, Like it's what they teach in bed school. It's so good. Yeah, that does sound pretty well, but but I feel like it does kind of work, Like I don't think I feel like smoking after that. But all right, well, from the exhilarating world of experimental surgery, let's go to my next game. This is the equally riveting Sensible Train Spotting.

That's actually the name Sensible Train Spotting, and it was released for Amiga computers in nine and it delivered exactly what it promised, a detailed simulation of what it's like to be a man with a thermos sitting on a bench and marking down the engine numbers of trains that pass him by. Doesn't it sound exciting? Wait? Is that that's what train spotting is? Like? I've heard the term before,

but I honestly never knew what it meant. I'm actually more interested in the fact that there were Amiga computers. But I guess you can tackle gives questions. Yeah, I'll tackle that one first, and we'll talk about my Tandy from back in the early nineties. But yeah, so train

spotting is a real hobby for some people. So what you do is you go to the different stations and you write down the numbers on the trains as they pass by, and so people would create lists of all different engines that operated in a city, and then you try to see them all in person. It was big in the UK during the mid twentieth century, and some devoted fans have carried on the tradition ever since then.

I mean it reminds me like of those families used to drive out to airports to see planes take off, like back in the glamorous era of like air flight or air travel. Yeah, and you know, train spotting is is still a thing, but sometimes you just can't make it down to the rail yard, you know, So for days like that, there's this game Sensible Train Spotting all of the fun of watching trains and marking off numbers

from the comfort of your own living room. Yeah, I mean, I don't know what's more surprising to me, really, like that this is an activity people actually enjoy or that someone made a video game about it, Like both are

kind of baffling, to be honest. Yeah, I mean, it's not an action packed hobby and that's true of the game too, But there's still some challenge to it, Like, for example, the longer you play, the faster the trains move and the more there are on the screen, So it does make it tougher to cross off all the numbers on your list before the time runs out, and so weirdly, the game is actually hyper aware of the fact that train spotting is super dull, and so if

you run out of time before you clear a train spotting card, a message pops up that says time's up. Sad man, go back one card, which you know, of course is pretty depressing, but somehow less depressing than the message you get for winning that one just says, well done, my sad friend, onto the next card. I love that it knows what a sad man you are. Either way, that's really it's really what you want for a game. Yeah, it's it's kind of like Takeshi's Challenge. Really like it

mocks you just for wanting to play. Well, it is funny because the last game on my list also mocks you for just playing it. And this one was released for the sake of Dreamcast. It's about raising a digital pet and it's called Seamen. Okay, and and what kind of pet are you raising? So in this game Seaman, you're you're basically the caretaker of a bizarre fish human hybrid.

He basically looks like this bass with a human face slapped on the front, and the object of the game is to raise this creature through like all of its upsetting developmental faces, and until he eventually grows legs and leaves the water to start a life of his own. But the game does not make this easy. For one thing, the only way you can interact with Seaman is by giving him voice commands, and because the voice detection was pretty spotty, it was hard to get him to do

what you want. The other downside to the game is that Semen is kind of a jerk. Like you're supposed to form a bond with him by talking to him more and more, but most of the time he just insults you, so you're never really rooting for him to make it to adulthood. Wow. So, so what we have here is basically a bad parents simulator where you neglectfully look after a fish monster. Does that sound about right?

I mean, it's basically my experience of parenting like familiar, except I forgot to mention that Leonard Nimoy also chimes in sometimes to give advice and cheer you on. That's the best part. I feel like, actually this is getting better. Okay, So we've talked about a lot of weird games today, most most of which probably don't qualify as good games, but the last one I want to talk about fits perfectly and both categories. It is a decidedly weird game,

but it's also a good one. It's called Katamari Demashi, which roughly means soul clump in Japanese. Uh. This game came out in two thousand four on the PlayStation two, and it's one of the most joyously wacky games I've ever seen. The backstory is that the magnificent King of all Cosmos goes on a bender one night, drunk on the beauty of creation, and during his revelry, he accidentally destroys every star in the night sky. As you do, yeah,

uh huh and uh. That's where the player comes in. So, as the son of the King, the Prince of all Cosmos, it's your job to roll a big sticky ball called a katamari all over the world until enough stuff sticks to it that your dad can then launch the whole thing into space and turn it into a brand new star. So, you know, one by one, you're gradually rebuilding all the constellations using giant balls a junk, which, you know, it

kind of sounds like a sweet concept. I I vaguely remember this game being sort of a phenomena, right, but what kind of stuff are you rolling up? Yeah, I mean anything you can really like. Each level gives you a certain size that you have to, you know, grow your catamari too before the time runs out. So you start small. You're making a ten centimeter ball with little

stuff like eracers and paper clips. But the more stuff you roll over, the larger the ball grows, so gradually you're able to pick up bigger and bigger stuff, you know, books, bowls, furniture, house pets, motorcycles, city busses, like you name it. Uh. In the later stages, you roll a katamari so big that it starts ripping up buildings and bridges, and then eventually natural phenomenon to like you're literally ripping clouds and rainbows out of the sky. Yeah, nothing goes to waste.

I do like that you repair damage stars by pretty much wrecking the earth and then chucking it all into space. Yeah yeah, that's uh, that's about it. And the and the best part though, is it's gotten a amazing soundtrack. So the whole time you're rolling up the world, there's this super upbeat Japanese pop music playing, and uh yeah, just what you want for that kind of mass destruction.

And by the way, Katamari was actually it was published by Namco, which is the same developer behind pac Man, you know, another game where you play as a big circle and gobble up everything in sight. So yeah, I guess they really know their brand. As strange as that all sounds, I I I do think Will should take home today's trophy one because sensible train spotting is a game I would never force on anyone, but I would

love to have that like framed on my wall. And and too because he used the word Amiga computers, which which I haven't heard forever. Yeah, I can agree with that. I mean, really, all of Will's picks were about like mundane things like train spotting and stacking hats and garbage eating. Garbage eating very boring. They went all in on boring. I can't forget that. Well, it really paid off for well. Thank you guys, it is an honor and thanks as

always to our listeners for tuning in. That wraps it up for today's part time Genius from Mango, Gabe Lowell and myself. Thanks so much for listening. Please stay safe and we'll be back soon with another episode. Kay part time Genius is a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.