What's the Correct Way for a Queen to Eat a Banana?

be about titles. So if the Queen were properly introduced to you, her title would actually read Elizabeth the Second, by the grace of God, of the United Kingdom, of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and of her other realms and territories, Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith. I feel like that's kind of a mouthful, yeah, I mean, it's a little clunky for a business card. And it's funny because in all of that word salad, you'll notice

she doesn't actually use her last name. And that's partially because the family has changed names over the years and sort of picked up windsor because of the castle they own, But you know, it could also be Mount Badden, because that's Prince Philip's last name. It's a whole thing anyway. Now, she's kind of like Madonna or Prince and she doesn't need a last name to get by. But the other thing I noticed is that even though she has quite a lot of titles there. It's actually a much more

tasteful version compared to some other rulers. How do you mean? So for comparison, I pulled the dictator idia means title and you know dictators are not known for their subtlety, and uh, this is how he insisted on being addressed. It goes His Excellency President for Life Field Marshal all Hajji dr DA mean data V C D s O M c cb E, Lord of all the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas, and conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in general and Uganda in particular.

It's it's just a little more ostentatious. Plus the Queen, you know, actually technically owns all the swans and fish and dolphins off the coast of her lands, but she's left that off her title. She totally should have kept that one in there. I don't know I would have included that if I owns. That is why you're not queen anyway. Speaking of titles, today's show is all about

nine regal facts about British royals. It includes from the weird ways they eat dessert to the unusual religions they've inspired to the long lost American cousins who are trying to get a piece of that throne. Why don't we dive in hei their podcast listeners, Welcome to Part Time Genius. I'm Will Pearson and it's always I'm joined by my good friend man Guesto Ticketer and on the other side of my computer screen wearing a lovely velvet hat. Honestly, I go, I feel like this would look right at

home in the Queen's collection. I mean it, it is really really fancy. But that's our friend, the producer Lowell. This is it is quite the half. You know. Actually, I was thinking about this, what clar pastel? Would you say? That is? Maga? Do you think it's like Robin's egg blue or what? What? What would be your guest Robin's egg That's what I've been thinking. Robin zag blue, maybe a c foam. I I don't know. You're clearly better at colors. Yeah, it's definitely robin zeg blue. But it

looks great whatever the exact color is. And of course we've got our buddy Gabe in the third seed here hatless unfortunately, but we're excited to have him back in studio or whatever this is. Well, I'm thrilled to be here, guys, thanks for having me back. I missed the memo on the hats, but still good to be there. Always good to see if so today we're talking about British royals, and partially because Mango and I were talking a few

weeks back about how long the Queen has rained. Now apparently it was Her Majesty's ninety four birthday at the start of COVID, but she was just twenty six years old when she ascended the throne. So she's been on the throne for sixty eight years, which is just insane and in fact, most British people straight up weren't a

lot when Elizabeth the Second ascended the throne. The UK's Office of Statistics did a report on this back in I think it was two thousand seventeen, and according to the data of current citizens have never known a monarch besides the current Queen, which is just wild to think about. But more than that, look at who she's outlasted. Fourteen British Prime ministers have come and gone in that time,

and thirteen different US presidents. I mean, that is insane and and maybe she'll see fourteen, depending on how our November election goes, which you know, it feels like so many lifetimes, I mean her her reign. I looked this up actually starts with Truman in office. But uh uh, maybe we'll let Gabe lead off. Today gave what is

the most important fact you have about the queen? So I don't know if this qualifies as important per se, but it is one of my favorites, and it's the fact that Queen Elizabeth the Second was once the proud owner of no fewer than six big mouth billy bass. Can you guys believe it? I love I I really love that. That's where you're starting. And I actually knew that she had one billy bass, but I don't think I realized she had six. But maybe remind the listeners

out there what a billy basses? Yeah? Sure, I mean it's ridiculous for starters, and I guess for those of you who somehow don't remember, the big mouth Billy bass was a novelty wall mounted fish and uh you you put it on your wall like a trophy, and it had some sort of you know, light sensor in or motion sensor, so when you walked by. It would turn its head off the mountain and face you, and then it would start singing in a really ridiculous, soulful voice.

I love that you just explained what this was for, but I don't know how you could take me to the river and it was one of those things. I think it was the quickest thing that went from funny to so unfunny by the second time that you saw it. I mean it that novelty war then pretty quickly. But did Billy Beast sing any other songs? I was actually trying to remember. Yeah, just one other, which was don't worry be Happy. That's right, I remember this actually now

that you say that, that's really funny. So so tell us how did this end up in like her Majesty's hand, Like, how did she fall in love with it? Yeah? Good questions. So, I mean, I guess the Princess Royal is the one to blame for this. She uh introduced them to the Queen back into thousand and uh. It was reported to the Queen Elizabeth fell in love with her big mouth Billy Bass immediately, and soon after she had six of her own installed at Balmoral Castle, including one that she

actually had mounted on top of the grand piano. And I mean we also know, thankfully that the Queen was given a Rocky the Singing Lobster for her birthday that year too, so quite a menagerie. What is Rocky the Singing Lobster. Rocky was like Billie's crustacean cousin, I guess you could say, so basically same deal, singing lobster. His repertoire included rock the boat and uh that do a did He song, which I know you guys. Yeah. And the best part is the Queen apparently loved to sting

along with them. I know we've talked about how annoying this thing was, but for some weird reason, this actually makes me like her more. I mean, it's just such a great fact. I also kind of like to imagine that she sets them all off at once, like Rocky the Lobster, all six billies, and then she just basking all this chaos, Like it's just so fun to imagine. I I want to go back for a second, because I think you said she was once the proud owner of six billies, Like, does that mean she's ditched her

collection over the years or what what's happened to them? Yeah, I guess we can't say for sure, right, but it has been twenty years, so I'm thinking the odds are that, you know, her big mouth Billy's eventually wound up in the trash with you know, everybody else's. There is a chance the fish and Rocky are still with her, though, why is that? Well, there are a lot of rules about giving gifts to the Royal family, and one of them is that they don't actually own the gifts you

give them. They can wear them or use them, but the actual items are considered part of the royal collection. So since Rocky the Lobster was a birthday present, the Queen was technically holding him in trust, so getting rid of him wouldn't really be her call. To make I feel like this fact just keeps getting better, Like I love the Queen may be forced to own a singing

lobster and perpetuity this is it's just too good game. Well, I mean, from what I read, she has a great sense of humor, which makes sense with the story, and apparently she's pretty good at impressions too, so one of her former chaplains told the Associated Press that quote the Queen imitating the landing of a concord jet is one of the funniest things you could ever see. Sounds right to me, right, and it doesn't sound dated at all.

I honestly loved the idea of the queen doing comedy side and it's like completely relatable jokes from the eighties about riding the concord and like what happens when your butler brings that you're the wrong type of caviar or something. Um. So, speaking of things that would be fun to watch, here's something I just learned. The Royal family has an elaborate

protocol for when they eat fruit at formal events. So this is according to a chef who worked at Buckingham Palace for years, no food served at a royal banquet should ever be eaten by hand, including apples, bananas, and grapes. Actually this is weird, but it was just recently. I was thinking about that episode of Seinfeld where George starts eating candy bars with cutlery and then people start eating Eminem's with a spoon. Do you remember this episode? Yeah,

I totally do. I Mean the weird thing is there's a particular way every fruit should be cut and eaten according to the Royals, like um with a pair. The Royal ways to slice off the top and then use a teaspoon to eat it like a boiled egg, which is ridiculous. Or for bananas, you cut off both ends of the banana and then you slice the peel down the middle, from end to end, and then you spread the peel apart with your utensils and like slice the fruit into tiny circles you can fork into your mouth.

It is really really easy, guys. I don't know why we're not all eating fruit like that. No, no, that that's that's actually how how I mind bananas. I don't even understand how you'd eat them any other way? Is there another way? So I have to tell you, guys about this weird tradition that I was reading about. Every year, the Royal family gathers for a big Christmas dinner at their estate in Norfolk, and if a family member wants to eat that night, they have to indulge the Queen

in this odd activity first. And it's gonna sound weird, but the Queen asked each guest to weigh themselves twice during the evening, both before and after the dinner. But it's like, you're right, that does sound weird, and I mean, what are they like using like super fragile Victorian dining chairs or something like why aren't they weighing themselves? Actually, I think the chairs are pretty sturdy. I'm just guessing that they are. But according to Cosmo, the tradition goes

all the way back to King Edward the Seven. So in the early nineteen hundreds there's been a lot of famine and as a result, the king was concerned about the health of his guests and whether or not they were getting enough to eat on Christmas. So every year he would drag out a pair of antique scales and have each guest weighed before and after dinner, just to make sure they've been fed well. And obviously food shortages haven't been you know, much of an issue during the

Queen's reign. But she apparently loves this weird tradition. I mean, she just gets weirder and weirder, which is great, but she still insists that her family step on those same old scales each Christmas, which I guess is a small price to pay for what's probably an amazing spread. That's a good point, and honestly, you know, whatever's on the menu, it goes without saying that most people need an invite

if you want to dine at the royal table. But there's actually one person for whom that rule does not apply, or at least that's what he thought. Because back in two there was a British painter named Michael Fagan and he successfully broke into Buckingham Palace not once, but twice. And during his first break in, Fagan managed to evade security and he climbed up a drain pipe and went into the palace through an unlocked window. He then proceeded to make himself at home for the next half hour.

So he helped himself to some cheddar cheese and crackers. He admired a few portraits. He even sat on the Queen's throne and like down to half a bottle of wine. Yeah, and at some point he just decided, you know, it's time to leave, and he did and so he just like got away with us. Yeah, that's right. It. The success made Fagan a little cocky because a few months later he couldn't help but return for a second visit.

So once again he scaled the fourteen foot high wall outside the palace and then he climbed up a drain pipe and right in through the window. And it was early morning this time, and by seven fifteen Fagan had found his way to the queen's own bedroom, and so he later described the scene saying, quote, I walked past her bed and it looks too small to be the queen, so I go over and draw the curtain back just to make sure. Suddenly and suddenly she sat up and said,

what are you doing here? And at that point, Fagan says, the queen jumped out of bed, bolted out of the room. Quote her little bear feet running across the floor, which sounds terrifying for the queen, but also like cute, like she seems really fast. From that description, I can't believe the poler security is so lax though, Like I'm guessing we know the story because because he eventually got caught. Yeah, that's right, he got caught that time. But the capture

probably didn't go as you'd expect. According to Fagan, a footman came to the queen's bedroom and escorted him to a pantry, where he was given some whiskey and told to wait for the police to arrive. But here's the weirdest part. Fagin's trespassing was considered a civil wrong rather than a criminal offense. And that's because in England, for breaking and entering to be a crime, you have to prove that the perpetrator did so with the intent to do something else illegal, like you broke in to kill

someone or to steal something. But in this case, there was no evidence that Fagan had entered the palace with the intention of harming or stealing anything, so technically he hadn't committed a crime. We actually, you said he stole cheese, And why if somebody breaks in my house and steals cheese for have some, You can't steal my cheese. Then

you say he stole it. Yeah right, yeah, And and Fagan actually was charged with theft because of that, But he didn't break into Buckingham Palace with the goal of stealing wine and cheese. That was a spur the moment kind of thing, so it couldn't like retroactively make his

trespassing a crime. So in the end, the theft charges were dropped and instead of jail time, Fagan was ordered to undergo psychiatric evaluation, which I'm fair enough, and uh, I should note that even though it took another twenty five years. The law was eventually changed in two thousand seven. So so now it is a crime to break into Buckingham Palace, guys. So okay, that's a good it's a good service note for our our listeners out there. All right,

we've got four facts left to go. Let's take a quick break and then we'll get right back to it. Welcome back to Part Time Genius, where we're sharing some of our favorite facts about British royalty. And uh will I I think maybe you're up next. I feel like I'm so distracted this whole episode by the all the billy bass facts like I feel like Gay actually used like three or four facts in one, which I think is cheating, but either way, it was jealous good stuff.

So all right, Well, I thought we'd give the Queen a break for a minute and and talk instead about her husband, Prince Philip. And as we all know, members of the royal family draw a lot of attention from the public, and some people can be a little I don't know, you might say intense about their admiration for the royals. You've probably noticed this before, but as far as I know, Prince Philip is the only royal who's inspired an actual cult devoted to their worship. So it's pretty, uh,

pretty interesting. But I think we talked a little bit about cargo colts on the show before, so I won't get too deep into those. But basically, a cargo cult is a tribal society that becomes fixated on the material

goods or cargo of another culture. So, for instance, during World War Two, hundreds of thousands of American and Japanese soldiers visited islands in the Pacific, and they left behind all kinds of mass produced goods, like everything from radios to can openers to candy and coca cola, and the islanders had no concept of how these items were made or how they functioned, so they started to believe that this stuff must have been divinely made, like gifts from

the gods or something. So pretty soon entire religions sprang up around these centered on this idea that if you worship the leader of these other societies, then your community would be rewarded with more of these divine gifts. And so how did Prince Philip get mixed up in that, Like one of the tribes just started worship again one day, yeah, and believe it or not. They still do. So most cargo cults lost faith during the post war years when

these frequent cargo shipments started to dry up. But the so called Prince Philip movement is actually still going strong today in the South Pacific island of Tanna. So members of this island's cast On tribe became convinced of Prince

Philip's divinity after seeing his portrait in the nineteen sixties. So, according to them, the Prince was the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy that the son of a mountain spirit would take the form of a pale skinned man who would marry a powerful woman and one day visit the Tanna Island. So you look at Prince Philip and it's like chack, chack, chack, he's all of these he's pale skin and he's married

to the queen. And in nineteen seventy four, his royal yacht actually visited the island, and so that cemented Prince Philip's status as the cults one true messiah. And they have been worshiping this guy ever since. And because I know you're wondering, yes, Prince Philip is aware of all of this, and the tribe has corresponded with Buckingham Palace over the years, and even sent Prince Philip a traditional

pig hunting club as a token of their esteem. And it's not a one way street either, So according to the Telegraph, Prince Philip returned the gesture by sending the tribe a portrait of himself holding the pig club. I mean, I suppose he's just being nice, but also what a weird gift, especially when he could actually do things for them that would actually help them out. So my next fact is about shampoo. Prior to the late eighteenth century, the Western world used to be pretty bad at hair washing.

Most people use soap to do the job, if they used anything at all, But that started to change when an Indian man named shake Dean Mohammed introduced London's high society to this old cultural practice from India. For centuries, Indians used to have these cleansing scout massages using special oils called chumpy. In fact, in India, when you get a haircut off in the barbera will massage your head at the end of the haircut as as just a part of the haircut. So when Mohammed started offering this

treatment at his luxury spa in Brighton. It actually didn't take that long for Londoners to see the appeals. Soon the classiest folks in town were lining up at Mohammed's spa to treat themselves to this head massage and the name got ankle sized from chumpy to shampoo. But here's the interesting part. So Mohammed started building his shampoos as a cure all like he claimed to cancure anything from gout to the sprained ankle, And then it started picking

up even more steam. But the truth is, all of this probably would have been just another passing fad if it hadn't been for the royal family. As these medical shampoo's got more and more popular, King George the Fourth wanted to see what the hubbub was about and invited Mohammed to the palace to massage his royal head and the treatment was such a hit with his majesty that he actually appointed Mohammed to be the official shampooing surgeon

to the king. And when George the Fourth was succeeded by his brother, King William the Fourth, Mohammed became his shampoo surgeon too. And from they're all people from like all sorts of social classes started following the King's lead and scrubbing up with shampoo, and it quickly became the world's go to way to clean your hair. All right, well, my next spect is about a British king who was less concerned with keeping himself clean than he was in

just keeping himself alive. And uh, that's Henry the Eighth, who is mostly remembered today for, you know, being a bully who executed his enemies, not to mention two of his six wives. And you know something that's less widely known about him, though, is that he was also a major hypochondriac. He had his royal physicians examine him almost daily, and any hint of illness at his court would reportedly send him into a panic. But the king wasn't only

worried about getting sick. He was also deathly afraid of being poisoned. And we've all heard about how kings have food tasters to test their meals for them to make sure it hasn't been tampered with. Well, Henry the Eighth took this precaution and extended it to his bedroom too. He had this idea that one of his servants might coat his bed sheets with some kind of toxin while making his bed each morning. So to prove that they hadn't done that, the king made them kiss every part

of the sheets, pillows, and blankets that they touched. That that was just part of his daily morning routine, like watch the servants make out with the bedding, and also just seems like really time consuming and I'm curious that why why stop at the Lenen's. I mean, couldn't somebody just as easily smear poison on his clothes or something? Yeah,

and he thought of that too. According to historians, the king was also very concerned that his enemies might try to poison his clothes or even those of his son, so he had his servants test every item of clothing before he put it on. So the servants would rub their skin against every part of each piece of fabric, and for his son, Prince Edward, they would just put the clothes on a boy of Edward's size and wait to see if anything happened to him. So kind of

a jerk move. But the paranoia didn't stop there either, because even the cushion on Edward's chamber pot was reportedly tested before he used it each time, so I'm almost a little afraid to ask, how did how did he test it? Yeah, I mean, mercifully, we don't know, Like his history doesn't record that one. But you know, hopefully they weren't kissing it like they were the sheets. But

I mean, you can't really rule anything out with this guy. Yeah, alright, Well, speaking of scandals, I'm hoping my third fact isn't too controversial because it isn't about a British royal per se. But it does feature a guy who claims to be British Royalty. In fact, he claims to be the rightful King of England. His name is Alan Evans, and he's a resident of wheat Ridge, Colorado. He lives in Colorado. Yeah,

you got that right. The story didn't say in the news for that long, but back in two thousand and seventeen, Evans took out a huge ad in the Times of London claiming to be a descendant of royal Welsh line from the third century. And that adds too wordy here to to read the whole thing, but I do want

to share my favorite part. It says, take heed and rejoice all citizens of this great nation called Great Britain, for the legend was not a myth, but was indeed true and more than a mere Tolkien story, that the men of the West are now returning and now is the time of the return of the king. So I like this already, but I'm a little confused. What did

this guy think was gonna happen? Like the queen is just going to hand over the keys to sucking Palace and like let her eat his cheese, and like, what's going on? I mean, if it's convincing enough, I guess. But according to the ad, he was giving legal notice of his plan to claim his quote royal historic estate in thirty days, along with all the land, assets and

titles due to him. However, he did not intend to claim the throne right away due to his you know, deepest respect for the queen, and so I guess he wants to postpone his reign until after she's passed away, which I say, that's kind of a classy move. So what happened after he gave her this notice? You're gonna be shocked. But but nothing happened, and so Buckingham Palace never responded and Evans had to settle for being self appointed King of wheat Ridge. It's almost as good. Yeah,

it's almost as good. Um, but we did a guy's nine pretty good royal facts and and I I think it's time to crown a winner. So for my part, I like that Will managed to sneak a little America undo our episode. But you know, gives big mouth Billy bassa run there, really take it over. Yeah, you good with giving him the trophy? No, I'm definitely good with that. I don't think there was any question. I think there would have been a revolt among our listeners if we've

given it to anybody else this week. All right, well, thanks guys. I couldn't have done it, of course without Prince Philip praised be his name. All right, well that's gonna do it for today's Part Time Genius from Mangush, Gabe Lowell and myself. Thanks so much for listening, and please stay safe and if you need to pick me up this week, remember it's always tiera clock somewhere definitely m M. Part Time Genius is a production of I

Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. H