What's So Bad about the Philistines?

So Goliath was definitely big. He was either six ft eight or nine ft seven, depending on which account you look yet, so yeah, it's a little bit of a difference there, but he's one of those and at that time, either of those heights would have just been huge, right. And he was also wearing some heavy duty bronze armor, wielding a sword, a spear, and a javelin. I didn't actually remember all of these things. But here's the thing.

Even though David was going in without any of that, no armor, no blades, no high ground, he was packing superior firepower. So everybody knows he had a sling shot, but I think most people probably picture the kinds of sling shots that maybe we had his kids or something like that. This was not a kid's toy, so he was using a sturdy, leather pouch with two long cords

attached to it. Now, this would have been the same kind of sling that soldiers at the time we're using for long range attacks, and he mastered the weapon during his time as a shepherd, where he would use it to ward off wolves other predators. So in his hands it was truly a deadly weapon. In fact, the stopping power of the stone fired from david sling would have been comparable to that of a forty five caliber handgun.

What that's crazy. It's almost like that scene in Indiana Jones where the bad guy does all this fancy sword wielding and then Indie just shoots him and walks away. I had forgotten about that scene bit right, Like the fight was over before it even began, and it does make David's victory a little bit less surprising when you think about it. Yeah. So, I was actually thinking about David and Goliath recently, and I realized I don't know what the beef was between them, Like, was it just

a bully thing? Why? Why exactly were they fighting? I think you you clearly did not sit through as much Sunday School, as I did over the years. But yes, it was more or less a land dispute. So at the time, the Israelites were living in a mountain range along the eastern border of Palestine, and eventually their enemies,

the Philistines, they started to encroach on that territory. But rather than have like this full battle with all the bloodshed that would be involved there, the two sides agreed to settle things with a little one on one fight. So the Philistines sent their mightiest warrior to act as their champion. That was, of course, Goliath, and the Israelites sent David because well, actually he was the only one

willing to face off against the giant. But you take a second look at this famous story and you see how exaggerated the Philistine threat may have actually been. And so it maybe wonder if there was anything else about the Philistine is that we should probably think twice about. I mean, we all know they've gotten a bad rap over the years, and I'm hoping that today we can shed some light on whether or not they really deserve it. So we've got eight facts left to figure it out.

Let's dive in, right, h Hey. Their podcast listeners, Welcome to Part Time Genius. I'm Will Pearson and as always I'm joined by my good friend man guest Ticketer and on the other side of the computer screen showing his Philistine pride with a shirt that says, actually turn it this way, it says justice for Goliath. That's our friend and producer lull That is. I don't know where he got it, and this may have been another one of

his homemade ones, but it's impressive. And that is a hot take if I've ever seen one, but I guess it is good to know where Lowell stands on all of this. Yeah, Lowell stands with Philistines, Yes he does. It is funny. But when I saw the topic for the show in our sort of running Google doc, it made me laugh because I've had this dad joke for a while. I I've been telling, you know, Lizzie and I are from different backgrounds, and people always ask like,

how are you raising your kids? And my standard answer is like, well, Lizzie's Christian, I'm Hindu, but we're raising our kids Philistine because my kids are awful. But I'm actually glad we're learning about this culture because I've been using it as a punchline for such a long time. Now, Yeah, I have to be honest, I feel like I have to. Over the years, we've got our friend and researcher Gabe Bluesier with us here. Gabe, good to see you again. Hey, well,

hey Mango, nice to be back. All right, So I'm curious about this. Do you have a stance on David versus Goliath? Gabe? I mean, I try not to take sides, but I will admit I do have a soft spot for David. I had this Nintendo game as a kid called Bible Adventures, and there was a section when there was a whole section of the game when you played

as David. And the really funny thing to me was the gameplay was all based on, you know, the fact that he was a shepherd, Like that's the part of the story that the developers thought would make the best game. So most of the time you're just David. You're running around collecting sheep, returning them to their pen. You only fight Goliath at the very very end. Oh wow, So I'm actually super curious because I've never heard about this game.

Are are the sheep important to winning the game? Unfortunately? No, not really, Like you have a slingshot by the time you face Goliath, so you have to take him down with the old rock between the eyes trick. You know. Apparently that's the one detail the game developers were sticklers about, like you can climb a tree with with five sheep stacked on top of your head, but you can only kill the giant with a rock. I love that. Well,

I'm up next. And since Will mentioned what a bad reputation the Philistines have, I kind wanted to look into why they got it and who they got it from. So, as you can probably guess, the Israelites are the source behind most of the griping about the Philistines. And you know, they're talking about them being barbaric and crude and uncivilized, and if you flip through the Bible, it's not hard to see why the Israelites might feel that way. Right.

There are more than a dozen violent clashes between the groups, plus a few random acts of meanness, like the time the Philistines destroyed Abraham's well by filling them up with dirt. Classic Philistines, I think. So there's actually another piece of evidence for why the groups didn't get along, and it comes from a pretty strange source, and that's ancient pigs.

So back in two thousand thirteen, a team of archaeologists compared the DNA of ancient pig remains with that of modern pigs, and what they found was that the boars that live in Israel today are actually descendants of the Philistines pigs, which they likely brought over from Europe. And since observant Jews don't eat pork, archaeologists think that the Philistines taste for swine kind of forced this Oz versus them mentality sort of with the Israelites. That's interesting. I've

never heard that. But here's something weird I learned this week. It turns out the word Palestine is actually derived from Philistine or Philistine, And just to be clear, the two groups are not related. But after they came to the region, and you know, we're talking about ninth century b c e. Here, the Philistines had assimilated so completely that it was actually impossible to distinguish them from other groups in the area.

They lost all their defining characteristics and basically disappeared as a people, but their name lived on because a few centuries later, when the Roman Empire invaded, they just romanized the old name Philistine and turned it into Palestine, and so the names stuck around ever since, even though there's not really a connection between the two groups. That's interesting. So so do both names mean the same thing, like Philistine and Palestine. Yeah, that that's the other weird part.

Both words do mean the same thing. They roughly translate as the foreign invaders. And if that sounds like a weird thing for a group to call themselves, it's because they didn't. The name Philistines was just what the Israelites and the Egyptians called the group. To this day, we have no idea what the Philistines actually called themselves, and

we probably never will. All Right, well, I'm glad you two got into some of the origin stuff because I actually want to talk about how philistine became kind of like this insult that you'd use to describe mangoes, kids, mainly mangoes. According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary of philistine is quote a person who is usually disdainful of intellectual

or artistic values. So yeah, that's pretty rough. But that definition actually has a lot less to do with historical accuracy than it does with classism or like general snootiness. So the modern meaning began to take shape at German universities in the late seventeenth century, where you'd have these stuck up students who would mock the townies by calling

them philisters. And so from their writers and critics picked up on the word, and it began to spread across Europe, and you fast forward to the seventeen hundreds, it had made its way to America. And here's the most surprising bit. Ben Franklin was one of the first Americans to popularize

the term. Here it was in seventeen thirty seven he published a list of more than two hundred expressions for describing someone who's had too much to drink, and among them was the colorful phrase he has been among the Philistines. That's so funny. I feel like at mental last that list would come up over and over again, and every single time I read it, I was like delighted by it. It's just so great. But you know what, what what's funny about that fact is that it's actually kind of accurate.

Like the Philistines were known as these party animals of the ancient world. Um their feasts were ragers, and and their cities were filled with multiple breweries and wineries, so they were really ahead of the curve in terms of alcohol production. But the thing I found surprising is that the Philistines were far from uncivilized. Like these biblical stories and stereotypes kind of make them seem like they were a bunch of meat heads, but there's all this archaeological

evidence that proves the opposite. So, for instance, the Philistine graveyard was discovered for the first time in two thousand and thirteen, and it showed that there were people who lovingly buried their dead, so many of the bodies were entombed with a bottle of perfume next to their face, so that the deceased could almost like enjoy the fragrance

throughout era Trinity. Wow, So I grew up going to Sunday School and there was never any hint of that kind of I don't know, tenderness from the Philistines, Like they were always just the bad guys. Yeah, And I mean that makes sense, right, Like history is written by the victors, And so it's only now with these recent discoveries that we're starting to get this fuller picture of who they really were. And as it turns out, they were way more advanced than we've given them credit for.

There were, in fact, like years ahead of the Israelites. The Philistines were renowned for their use of iron, which was a rarity during the Bronze Age. They were the only ones who knew how to refine and temper the metals. So even the Israelites would have had to rely on the Philistines when they need to sharpen or repair their iron tools and weapons. Wait, so their arch enemies would ask them for help with their weapons, like, like, sharpen this for me, please, so I can turn around and

stab you with it. Is that kind of what was happening. That's basically the case. I mean, it's super weird, but you know, there's all this mounting evidence that the two groups may not have been as directly opposed as we once thought. And uh, I mean they clashed a lot for sure, because they were living alongside each other, but they also had to work together and share resources, and eventually they intermingled so much that the Philistines ceased to be a distinct people. This is kind of what Gay

was talking about. So the relationship probably wasn't as cut and dry as you might think. Well, I mean, that seems like a nice upbeat place to stop and take a quick break. But we've got four facts left to go, so we'll be right back. Welcome back to Part time Genius, where we're talking about the Philistines. Were these iron wielding heathens that history loves to hate, and today we're actually trying to give the group a much needed makeover. So Gabe Europe next, help us win some hearts and minds

with this one. Go for it, all right, I think I've got just the thing. Everybody loves green onions or scallions, right, of course they do. And you know they're found in everything from thanks starting with right now. Everybody loves green onions. It's a matter of fact. And you know they're found in everything from Mexican cooking to Chinese food. And if you are a fan, you've got the Philistines to thank

for it. Um. The Philistines were among the first groups to cultivate green onions and export them from their ports city of ash Colon, which is still a city in Israel today. And in fact, the onions were such a hit that everyone started talking about the onions of Ascalon and uh, eventually the words just kind of got squished together and people started calling them scallions. I love that, Like it was just everyone was buzzing about these things,

these signings of it is an amazing fact. So I've got another one that hopefully it drums up a little sympathy for the Philistines. I assume we're all familiar with the Ark of the Covenant, right, like the Sacred Hebrew artifact, Indiana Jones plot device, all that. Man, he just keeps coming up today, like Indiana Jones. Get a lot of shout outs. Yeah, I mean, I feel like you can't escape him. He's like one of the three cultural relevant

points we have for you know, archaeology. The real Ark of the Covenant was an incredibly meaningful object to the Israelites, and everyone at the time knew this, including the Philistines. So one day, when tensions were super high, some Philistine pranksters stole the our and placed it in one of their own temples, which kind of sounds like a college prank or something, right. But if Raiders of the Lost Arc is is clear about one thing, it's that bad

things happen to people who misused the arc. So the Philistines didn't get their faces melted off. But what they did get was a mass plague of hemorrhoids. I'm not sure which is worse. It might be worse to actually have your face melted off. We'll have to check. Well, you know, this is for real according to the Bible, the quote the hand of the Lord was against them, and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, with hemorrhoids in their secret parts and mental flaws.

Did a peace back on this and the back of the day, and and they referred to this as quote the only mass hemorrhoid attack and recorded history, So you know it kind of kind of a strange claim, but you know it. It did take some time for them to get some relief. The hemorrhoids actually stuck around for a full seven months. Uh. I guess this is before preparation.

Ah but um. At that point, the Philistines only asked the priest how they could atone for their sins and end this plague, and the answer was, of course, to return the ark to the Israelites. So this is actually my favorite part because they were instructed to make amends by sending an offering of what included quote five golden hemorrhoids. Uh um, it's best if you don't try to picture that and what am I to looked like? But I do find a funny that some poor Philistine sculpture had

to grapple with what that should look like. Such a gross and weird story, but but but a good one, all right, all right. I mentioned earlier that the Philistines and Israelites probably had way more daily interaction than you would have expected, and I do want to talk about one of the strangest examples of that. And the story goes back to Samson, who was the Israelite who of course had the long hair that gave him super strength

until Delilah cut it off. But something you may not remember about this is that Samson was actually married to a Philistine woman long before he was connected with Delilah, and and they had a pretty unusual courtship. So one day Sampson was on his way to visit his bride to be when he suddenly crossed his path with a wild lion. There So this isn't a problem for Samson, though he easily kills it with his bare hands and

carries it on his merry way. And you fast forward to the next week, and Samson is on his way to marry this philistine girl. Now, this time he comes across the carcass of a dead lion, but for some reason, it's now overflowing with bee hives and loads of fresh honey. For whatever reason, so Samson does what any of us would do. He tucks into the dead lion and scoops himself out some honey. You know it's honey. You don't want to turn that down. But not only that, he

also gathers some to serve at his wedding feast. So this is already like the weirdest story I've ever heard, But but I feel like you're just getting started here. Yes, this is definitely one that just keeps getting weirder. And actually did not remember much of this from from Gabe and my my Sunday school classes. But what you cut to Sampson's wedding feast and he's sitting around with all of his wife's philistine friends chowing down on the lion honey.

When suddenly Samson tells the group that he has a riddle for them. You know, he's probably feeling kind of giddy, he's been eating all that honey, and if they can solve it within seven days, he'll reward them with thirty new sets of clothes. But if they can't, then they'll owe him thirty sets of clothing. So the Philistines take the bed and Samson delivers the riddle, which was this, out of the eater, something to eat, out of the strong,

something sweet. Right, So the Philistines, they they rack their brains all week, but they cannot figure out the answer to this thing. And at lasts they are so desperate they go to Samson's new wife and they beg her. They beg her to find out the answer for them, so she does, and Samson eventually tells her that the answer is the lion he found on the side of the road, which, first of all, like what a weird, dumb riddle, Like it doesn't to get thirty pairs of

clothes or whatever, But it really doesn't feel fair. How are they supposed to know that, like there's some magical honey dripping corpse out there. I mean, that's a fair point. But the guy needed thirty new pairs of clothes, I think, so he couldn't couldn't take any risk, And maybe Sampson suspected that they had cheated to get the answer, because the way he chose to pay the bet was more than a little bit hostile, Like he went out and

actually struck down, so he presumably killed thirty Philistines. Then he stripped them and gave their clothes to the people who had answered the riddle. I mean, that is harsh, but at least he honored the bet. He did. Yes, he was a man of his word. He did, he did, he did, and he didn't kill the people who cheated. Actually he killed thirty other Philistine to teach them a lesson. You know that really really teaches you a lesson when

we do things like that. And so to make the whole thing even weirder, after all this happened, the bride's father took his daughter gave her in marriage to somebody else, so the whole thing was actually for nothing, Like they didn't even stay married. That is such a mess. I love that story. I can't believe they left that out

of Sunday School. But on the whole though, I'd have to say the Philistines did eventually get the last laugh, because my third fact is that they actually helped plunge the ancient world into a two hundred year Dark Age, And I know that doesn't cast them in the best light, but hear me out, because the ancient world kind of

had it coming. So beginning around twelve d b c e. Prosperous empires like Greece, Egypt, and Canaan they began to fall apart, and historians think the Philistines are partly to blame for that. They were located at the center of a vast trading hub, which made it see for them to raid their neighbors ships and you know, disrupt the trade system. And in particular, the Philistines were able to cut off the supply of tin that Mediterranean nations relied

on for making bronze. And you know, there were other factors at play to like a string of bad weather and disease, but the so called collapse of the Bronze Age had a lot to do with Philistine raiders kind of throwing a wrench in the tin trade. And you know, the world was forced to switch from bronze to iron at that point, and the Philistines who caused the shift were quietly absorbed it, you know, into the surviving nations.

And I guess that they got to go out with a bang and and took everybody else down with them in the course of that. But that's that's an interesting way to go. Yeah, I mean it was probably payback for everyone calling them Philistines all the time, right, you know that that and you know the hemorrhoids. That hemorrhoids. I was going to say the hemorrhoids pretty rough. I don't know if that last fact was sunny enough game, but but I did love your Nintendo game fact so much.

Of all the Nintendo games out there, the fact that you had one based on the Bible is amazing to me. And I think it's not just great that you told us about it, but that you're telling the world about it on this podcast. So I think you deserved the trophy. I completely agree. I'm actually sitting here on eBay trying to see if I can find a copy of this uh game. Of course, now I'm going to have to find the Nintendo as well. But it's worth it for whatever.

It's a few hundred dollar investment, but yeah, well worth worth it. So I think that's gonna do it for today's part time Gudius. Thank you everyone who sent in invention ideas. They've been filing into our Instagram account, and we love them so much. They're so weird and so fun and so good. So we are going to announce the winners on the next show. And from Mango Mango, I feel like we should remind them what the big look if I've been saving up, I think we need

to drive at home. What prizes? What are they gonna win? Will? They're gonna win six dollars? Now we're splitting it, so it's three from each, it's not. It's not six from each of Mango and me. It's six total. Three depending on how we're doing. Maybe could be four from me and two from Mango. Just depends depending on the Yeah, depending on how the market's going. Yeah, exactly. But thank you so much for sending that, and it really makes us so happy. But from Will Gave Lowell and myself,

thank you so much for listening. Stay safe, and we'll be back soon with another episode. Part Time Genius is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.