9 Absurd Inventions You (Probably) Won't See on Shark Tank

pretty tough traveling out from Brooklyn right now, isn't it. Yeah? And Lizzie and I are pretending to be teachers all day and I can't tell you how terrible our homeschool is, but I actually do miss getting out into nature. So this week I spent some time hunting for a solution, and the best thing I could find was this greenhouse helmet. A greenhouse helmets, So is that like a VR thing

or what? No, it is much worse. The greenhouse helmet is this fully enclosed anti fog dome that you fasten around your head, and inside this plexiglass helmet there are multiple shells where you can place your favorite small plants full disclosure. I don't think anyone has actually made one of these things. This all just comes from a patent from but in the diagram and I'm going to post

this to Instagram because it's so good. It shows a person with a goldfish bowl over his head and it's got a tiny potted cacti on one of the shelves, which is a pretty bold choice considering how close it would be to your face. So why why would you do this? I guess that's the question I want to know. Yeah, I guess. According to the creators, not only would the wearable greenhouse do you wonder is to improve your mood, It also supplies you with this private reserve of fresh oxygen.

So the idea is as you exhale, the plants are supposed to soak up your carbon dioxide and provide you with pure oxygen and just in case the helmet starts to make you feel a little shut off from the world. It also comes with a two way intercom system, which I guess if you think about it, like that's perfect for calling nine one one after you poke your eye out with a cactus. So it's I don't understand, like why this has never made it to market. It just

seems so smart. Yeah, So for all your listeners out there, I don't know that the patent is still good, so there's still time to run with her on MS or whatever. But but the greenhouse helmet isn't the only strange patent we found this week. We actually scoured the internet to find some of the weirdest patents and we found a couple of great things and a whole lot of things you won't be seeing on shark tanks. So let's dive in. Hey,

their podcast listeners, Welcome to part time Genius. I'm Will Pearson and it's always I'm joined by my good friend Manesh Ticketer. Now on the other side of that soundproof glass brainstorming ideas on his trusty whiteboard. That's our friend and producer loll Now. So far, he's just got this one concept, something called it's kind of hard to read because of course we're all remote today, but it says edible timber and then a question, right, So I guess

it's supposed to be edible timber. So I think it's still still a work in progress. I gather I do love that idea, like a table you can eat in an emergency sounds like a pretty great option. So great work, Low, Yeah, you better get back to that patent filing pretty quickly on this. But in the meantime, we're also happy to welcome back our researcher pal, Gabe Bluesier. How you doing, Gabe? Hey? Doing all right? It's nice to uh see some faces

again that s in the apartment with me. Yeah, I think we can all agree we have been inside for too long. You know. We've spent our free time this week looking up patents and we've enjoyed it. Actually. But Gabe, you're up next. So what's the first one you want to tell us about? Alright, So here's one from that I wish had made it to market. It's a gumball

dispensing T shirt that actually sounds awesome. Yeah, I mean it kind of is like the shirt has a picture of an old timey gumball machine on it, and uh, the dome part where the gumballs are stored, it's actually clear and made from plastic. And so then there's this like a fabric pouch sewed behind it and you can actually like keep real gumballs inside of it. These are

real gumballs that you can dispense. Yeah, that that's the idea at least, Like when you push on one of the gumballs, it's supposed to slide down this kind of like built in shoot in the T shirt and it comes out through a slit near the bottom of the shirt, and like, here's the best part. There was even this variation on the pattern that included a second pouch where

someone could like insert coins. So you know, the ideal is you could just walk up to someone on the street and buy a gumball directly for their T shirt. Of any invention, I feel like we could have come up with. This seems like the total opposite of social distancing, like walking up with money, putting it in somebody's shirt, then taking candy out of their shirt, and then putting it in your mouth. I don't know if now is the right time for this one game. Yeah, let's see

what you're saying. It's yeah, for later though, we'll put a pin in it, right, like when we emerge from the other side of this, like we'll make it a priority to revive the shirt, right like that. That's a great idea. All right, Well, my first invention is actually a pretty good idea and probably one of the least absurd ones that we will talk about today. It's something

called the school bus locator system. Now, this was patented back in so you have to place yourself back in the nineties before GPS tracking or cell phones became commonplace. But the way it worked was that your school bus would be outfitted with a radio transmitter and every kid

on the route would be provided with a receiver. So when the bus was a few miles away from your house, the receiver would light up as an early warning, and then when the bus was much closer, like you know, a quarter of a mile away or something, of the receiver would sound an alarm. And it seems like a handy way to avoid missing the bus and also ideal

for students who live in pretty cold places. You don't have to wait out in the snow for too long, just wondering if the bus is coming around the corner soon. But though, I guess if I think about it a little bit more, I'm certain there are some kids that would have, you know, maybe hidden the batteries or something

and just uses as an excuse to miss school. Yeah, so I I actually remember when I was in elementary school and there was this like persistent rumor that if the bus was half an hour later, something you didn't have to go to school? Was Was this the thing that was said in your towns too? Sadly? No, I don't, Gabe, have you heard this before? Definitely not. No, that sounds

must have been a very delaware rumor. But I just remember one time the bus was actually like thirty minutes late, and so like all the kids at my bus stop just got so giddy, and we're excited, and we're looking at the way. We were planning what to do with our day because we were certain we're going to get the day off school, and then like at the last minute, uh, this parent pulled up and cran does into their minivan and then just drove us to school. And so anti climaxing.

But Gabe, why don't you kick off this next round? Okay, Well, this next one is for all you rode In fans, and I know you're out there. So how often have you declined a dinner invitation because you just couldn't stand the thought of leaving your gerbils at home? Right? Yeah, I've had a dime for every time that happened. Yeah, it's this is a very relatable problem, believing guys, and uh, well,

the gerbil vest is the answer to that problem. In some animal loving genius patented a very stylish vest with some built in tubes for your pet to run through while you're wearing it out and about, and of course there are also little chambers for your furry friend to feed and relax into um And good news for us, the tubes are transparent, so that you and your friends can keep an eye on the little guy in there. And don't worry, animal lovers, the tubes are also equipped

with air vents so the gerbils could breathe. We'll say that the patent it did warn against falling while wearing the vest for very obvious reasons. They gotta watch, but otherwise I'm glad they put the air vents in there so that we're not just looking at dead gerbils into I also like that with with your patent ideas, you're sort of like a walking circus, Like people can come up and watch the gerbils and then that's not all. Like you pulled back the vest and now you've got

gumballs there for everybody. I know it's all vest based. I feel like, yes, yes, smarter. But actually I just pulled up this pick and it is pretty great, like the easiest way to take your pet gerbils out for a walk. So this is this is this is pretty smart. But let's take a quick break and we'll be back with more great patents in just a second. Welcome back to part Time Genius, where we're talking about some of the most wonderfully absurd inventions to ever make it out

of the patent office. Now we've got five questionable inventions left to talk about, and the next one is for the true crime crowd. Now this is a podcast, so I know you're already listening out their true crime lovers. Now, one thing that's plagued criminal investigators for centuries is just how easy it is for a suspect to retract their confession. But what if there was a simple, non violent way

to keep a suspect from taking their confessions back. Well, that's where this N seven patent comes in, going all the way back almost the century ago. It's officially called the quote Apparatus for Obtaining Criminal Confessions and photographically recording them. That's the name of this This invention is actually way weirder than the name. Lets on. It was basically this giant skeleton with red glowing eyes and a camera embedded

in its skull. I am not making this up. And it was explicitly designed to terrify a suspect into confessing on tape. So the way that it worked was that a suspect would be confined to a small dark room about the size of a coat closet or like a church confessional or something like that, and a human interrogator would sit out of sight in a second attached chamber. This sounds so stupid, It's like a retired Disneyland ride or like straight out of Scooby Doo or something. Yeah,

but actually it gets even worse. So when the examiner presses a button, a curtain lifts and the suspect comes face to face with the skeleton with red light bulbs and its eye sockets, and it's actually there's also supposed to be like this fog and and and like other

lights to amplify the effect. And then the interrogator questions the suspect from a megaphone behind the skull in a super scary voice like it's very elaborate, and according to the miner, these quote illusory effects of a supernatural character will work upon the suspects imagination, and so this suspect is supposed to get so terrified that they confess their

darkest secrets, which is then, of course recorded. And as far as I can tell, no one ever actually built one of these skeleton confessors, but even if they had, the invention likely would have been outlawed in nineteen sixty one anyway, when that was when the Supreme Court ruled that coerced confessions aren't admissible in court. But still, I feel like they deserve a few points for creativity, don't you,

guys think? I mean it honestly feels like a seven year old came up with that totally, and like it would work exclusively on other seven year olds. I think you're right, and you feel like the next time Ruby breaks among bests like the way I've got it, like con front of speaking of nonsensically dramatic things. Uh, there's an invention designed to make jazz concerts more interesting that we found this week, and it's the Flaming Trumpet. Now, knowing that you're a fan of jazz, my guess is

that you would find this invention kind of offensive. Huh. Yeah, I mean, I do have a ton of like Miles Davis recordings, and I like jazz. But I could see how this would make attending a middle school concert much more interesting. Right, So the idea is basically to modify a trumpet with a gas cartridge and then to have an igniter mounted to the end of it. And if turning a wind instrument into a flamethrower sounds like a

dangerous idea to you, you are probably right. The patent claims that the musician would have complete control over the intensity and duration of the flame. But honestly, at first it sounds like a weapon of like a comic book character. But I don't know. I could see how this thing might take off at burning men or something. Yeah, hopefully

I could see that. Well. For my next back, I want to talk about an invention from the eighteen hundreds called the wearable lifeboat that you're stinking with this wearable thing. The wearable lifeboat was basically a giant rubber bucket that you would wear around your waist like a diaper, with your legs sticking out the bottom. It had a couple inflatable air chambers to help it stay afloat and you

were supposed to steer this contraption with a paddle. The designer intended to quote for the conveyance of troops, baggage, and other articles across rivers, but also is a way to prevent drowning. So this is really interesting. But that but I have a question, and this may be super complicated here, but but Gabe, why would you not just use a life jacket? Very good question, But here's the thing.

At the time, modern life jackets hadn't been invented yet, there were no like So that's why ridiculous inventions like this didn't seem as far fetched as they do now. And really, as silly as swimmers and sailors would have looked in this thing wobbling along and this like big rubber bucket, it still might have been better than the alternative. For instance, during World War One, some soldiers had to wear old mattresses as a kind of makeshift life preserver,

and that's because, you know, that's all they had on hand. Thankfully, the inflatable life preserver was invented in a few years later, and of course that spared soldiers and civilians alike from

the indignity of inventions like the wearable lifeboat. So first we feast has a list of great patented food inventions, and it's got everything from prune beer, which sounds like the perfect drink for when you want to go to a party but also when you want to get your bowels moving, to of course, our rifle that has a shot glass attached, which just sounds like a terrible dick cheney,

like a situation about to happen. But my favorite on their list is the combination hot dog hamburger bun, and it's based on a two thousand nine patent, but as the site writes, quote, it's part hot dog bun, part hamburger bun, fully functional meat cover, which basically means it's a lot of bread and allows you to hold a lot of different meats at the same time. And it is pretty great. Sounds pretty great, especially for somebody like you who's been a vegetarian most of their life. But yeah,

pretty great, mango. All right, Well, I'm actually gonna stick to food with my last fact as well. And fair warning, this is the invention for the laziest of lazy people. It's the motorized ice cream cone and and and this invention it was patented in the late nineteen nineties. It revolutionizes the laborious task of licking an ice cream cone. So here is how it works. It consists of a plastic device made to look like a traditional ice cream cone,

and inside there's this small motor. So you're supposed to put a cup or cone of ice cream into the fake cone and then the motor would just make it spin. And as the patent explains, this allows the device to rotationally feed its contents against a person's outstretched tongue. That's what it says. And if you're wondering why on earth anyone would ever need such a device, allow the creator

to educate you. So, according to the patent quote, the repetitive task of moving one's tongue up and down can become monotonous and tiring, especially for a child. Guys, we're talking about eating ice creams. It's just so weird. But I'm guessing investors somehow didn't agree with this, which is why we're stuck eating ice cream the old fashioned way, you know, using our tongues like a bunch of rubes.

It's just so sad. Well, I mean, I think Will wins just with the ice cream fact like that description alone. Plus you had the confession skeleton, which was very dumb. I actually really like the gumball shirt and the Hamster shirt. But I am I'm happy to throw will a bone this week. I really, I really want to see somebody out there putting on all of these inventions at the same time. It just seems like a great way to

go out in public. But if you want to share your most ridiculous invention with us, Gabe Mango and I have a very special announcement that's right. Well, so this is the very first time we're doing this, but the person who submits the best invention, idea or drawing this week to Instagram and tags hashtag part Time Genius will win six whole dollars from us. What that is all the money we wanted to put towards this, but it's also such a prestigious award that we just made up.

So sending your invention ideas and you can be the very first Part Time Genius Grant winner in history. I mean, Gabe, you heard that right, Six dollars to whoever sends that. We choose each Look, there is a world where if let's say two people submit ideas, they no no no, we're not going to give them both six dollars. We'll we'll send them each three dollars, so but either way it's gonna be great. So um all right, Well that's it for today's Part Time Genius from Mango, Gabe Lowell,

and myself. Thanks so much for listening, Please stay safe, and we'll be back soon with another new episode. Part Time Genius is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. H