¶ Building on Bedtime Routine Success
In the last Parenting to Impress podcast , we talked about building a solid bedtime routine that would work . We showed you how to introduce the routine and gave five tips that make a huge difference . If you haven't taken the time to download the free bedtime visual schedule , be sure to see the show notes .
But , melanie , you and I both know that just because you get the kids in bed doesn't mean that they stay in bed , and for us , our big challenge was those kiddos that rose early in the morning . How do you train a child to sleep in and not want to get up just because they woke up in the middle of the night ?
That's what we're going to cover today in this podcast episode . Welcome back to Parenting to Impress , your go-to podcast to learn practical ways to love God and love others and impress this on the hearts of your children . I am your host , heidi Franz , and I am joined by my dear friend , melanie Simpson .
Heidi Franz and I am joined by my dear friend , melanie Simpson two moms who have made a lot of mistakes but have found grace and truth along the way . So here's the challenge we're going to talk about today Melanie Early risers , exhausted mamas , but yet we still want to spend time with God . Is it even possible ?
Well , sure , all things are possible through Christ who loves us . To take a Bible verse out of context , it is you and I have both seen the fruit of this , but as with everything else , it comes down to training .
Absolutely , and I've said many times in this podcast . My life changed . My life changed . It changed the day I chose to wake up before my young children to spend time with God . It really did . It's not all . The days went well , nobody disobeyed anymore and all meals on the supper table were gourmet . That's not it at all , but it changed my heart .
It changed my attitude .
It makes all the difference in the world when you have 15 , 20 minutes , 30 minutes to be alone with the Lord . Like you said , it's not a promise that your day is going to go perfect , but it is an anchor because the rest of the day you can return to whatever you read or meditated on or prayed , or worship song you sang .
It really does make a difference .
Yeah , this Holy Spirit brings to mind those ideas that you read , listened to , prayed about , heard from God while you had that time .
Now let me just say real quickly , if we're talking about a quiet time and you are going , I have no idea what they're talking about we'll put in the show notes a podcast that we did on quiet time and how to spend time with God . I encourage you to check that out .
But this one we're going to specifically talk about how to instill it when you have those young kids at
¶ Seven Tips for Early Risers
home . So , first off , we have seven tips for early risers . Melanie , let's start with tip number one . Set a family wake-up time For us . That meant our kiddos could leave their rooms at seven o'clock in the morning . What was the wake-up time that you guys had ? And it's changed , obviously as your kids get older and the dynamics .
But what was the wake-up time that you guys had ? And it's changed , obviously as your kids get older and the dynamics . But what was yours ? Right , right .
I would love to tell my teenagers you have to stay in your room until seven . It's more like you have to get up before 10 am .
Yes , yes , yes , teenagers is a very different problem , isn't it ? Yes ?
Yes , I mean ours was similar . There was a season where we had kiddos I think 630 was the time because they were already getting up between five and 530 . And so it was pushing it for them to be alone in a room . And that's the other thing too , is our kids shared rooms , right ?
We also had kind of a different situation where if they got up , they could come and sit in a chair like a specific place in the living room with a basket of books . I love that , but it was quiet . It was not , you know , not playing drums and you know all the noisy toys .
Yeah for sure . So the key here to this step number one is to decide as a family what is that time going to be . And then step number two is give the child a visual clue of when that time is or is not , Because kids don't understand numbers .
When they see 545 on their clock , they have no idea if that is five minutes to seven o'clock or four hours to seven o'clock , and so giving them that visual cue can really help . We used a timer on a nightlight . That was one of the first ones we used . What did you use ?
We had a piece of tape that we had .
We had an old analog clock and we had a piece of tape and so when they could see when the two hands two pieces of tape that we had we had an old analog clock and we had a piece of tape and so when they could see when the two hands two pieces of tape , when the two hands were hit the tape they could get up .
But we have all sorts like they've got a hatch nightlight now , they have alarm clocks that have like colors .
They have all sorts of nifty things now Things that we didn't have when our kids were little . Right , I use tape , yeah , yes , well , and I use tape also , but with a digital clock .
I covered up the minutes so only the hour was showing , and then I put a piece of paper with the number seven on it , so when the seven matched the seven , they knew they could get up . So it depends upon the age of your kids what you can use , but there are so many options for you during those younger years to help them know what time it is .
That's tip number two . Here's tip number three Don't rush in just because the child is awake , and this is one that I think instinctively . We want to be there for our kids and so when we hear them , we automatically go in . But a lot of times the child will go back to sleep if we just leave them .
I mean , you think about it as an adult , how many times you wake up in the middle of the night . But we instinctively look at the clock and know , oh , I have so much more time to sleep and we just need to allow our bodies to go back to sleep .
Like I said , our kids shared rooms and so stirring from another child would cause them to stir and , like you said , waiting it out . Now I will say there were times , because of that sharing situation , where I could go grab a kid before they woke up everybody else and just settle them on the couch and they would go back to sleep .
Every situation is different , but our goal was to let the majority of the kids sleep the longest .
Exactly Okay . Tip number four I wrote this one because it's one that I really failed on , and I think that's what made some of our sleeping a struggle . And this is it Don't make sleep the goal . What do you mean by that ? I realized that I could not make my children sleep , and sometimes they would wake up , let's say , at 5.30 in the morning .
I'd be like they must go to sleep , they must go to sleep when , if I would have made the goal that they could just stay in their bed , they could read , they just had to stay calm and quiet , it would have taken a lot of pressure off me . It would have taken a lot of pressure off me . It would have taken a lot of pressure off of them .
That's true . I mean and I think that's the same thing with making kids eat there are some things that you simply cannot do , and having that established routine is 95% of the battle . Realizing what is out of your control is very freeing , you know , because then you go . Okay . My goal is not to hover and to keep going back in and comforting
¶ Making Time With God a Priority
. It's just to realize that they're okay in their crib with a lovey and a book .
Okay , tip number five remember sleep phases happen , melanie . I remember so well when my kids were little . I would feel like we got into a really good routine and then something would happen and I'd be like why in the world ? Now we're waking up in the middle of the night and we've done this for three nights . Everything is lost .
We have to start over when in reality , it was just a phase .
Yeah , especially when you have more than one kid , because you feel like at least one child is going through that at a time . Yeah , you're right about that one . Can everybody just sleep at the same time , please ? Yeah .
Yeah , and understanding that those phases are typically very short , right , and so we work through them and then we go right back to those routines , those procedures that we have set up . Yeah , we kind of mentioned this one before . But tip number six is a small toy can sometimes help .
We don't want it to turn into playtime , right , you know , two o'clock in the morning playing with Legos is not at all what we want . But just giving the child a lovey to hold can really help them go back to sleep .
They have all sorts of sweet little toys that like glow or they have lavender in them . It's just figuring out what is helpful . But also can I just say don't give your child 15,000 options . Then it becomes every single night I want something different . So maybe have two items and that's it .
Like these are your two choices for bedtime or for being in your bed .
I like that idea . Okay , tip number seven is be consistent . It's worth it Because that goal of being able to spend time with Jesus it's attainable , it's very attainable . But consistency is what's going to get you there . Being wishy-washy , trying different toys or trying different wake-up clocks .
Trying different toys or trying different wake-up clocks as we talked about in last episode , part one , about blackout curtains Continually trying different things is just going to frustrate you . You're going to have a lot of expense and the child is going to realize you're not being consistent . So be consistent , it will pay off .
I'll just throw in here too . Psalm 4 , verse 8 is In peace , I will lie down and sleep for you alone , lord . Make me dwell in safety . Now , as a two and three year old , we would just say I can go to sleep because God keeps me safe .
So we would tell them if you wake up in the middle of the night and you feel worried and not say scared , just worried say I can go to sleep because God is keeping me safe . You train on this , not at bedtime , it can be part of your nighttime wind down routine when you pray , and then just say what are we going to do if we wake up ?
We're going to pray to God . I can go to sleep because God is keeping me safe .
Yeah , I like that . So , after reading these seven gentle tips when I put them on the Parenting to Impress blog , shelly asked this question , and this is a great question
¶ Training a Child to Stay in Bed
. I understand your tips , but how do I actually train a child to stay in their room until I come and get them ? My three year old comes into our bed every morning between 4 and 5 am and goes back to sleep . I know he needs more sleep , but I also need my morning quiet time help . Many of us can relate to that problem .
We know our child needs more sleep , but we've gotten into this habit and we're unsure how to break it . So , taking these seven tips , plus the points that we made last time about creating routines , let's talk about Shelly's question , and I will begin with yes , it is possible , just with some time and consistency . So here we go .
Step number one introduce the visual cue to the child . That's where we talked about that wake-up clock using the tape on clocks , a timer on a nightlight . Introduce it to the child and I encourage you to begin using it in a really exciting , positive way . Like you , are a big boy now and because of that I'm going to let you have some responsibility .
You will be able to know when to wake up , when to come out of your room .
In just very simple ways , explain that mommy wants to have quiet , to wake up when to come out of your room . In just very simple ways , explain that mommy wants to have quiet time with God and thus you need to stay in your room . You can do X , y and Z . Choose what the child can do and what the child can't do .
And then I would encourage you to actually practice this procedure . Set a timer and tell the child I want you to go sit on your bed until the timer goes off and you can read as soon as the timer goes off , whether this is a wake-up clock or the light on the night light turns on .
Whatever you do , practice with that for one minute and then have the child come to you and then go in and do it again , and this time set it so it will go off in two minutes and let the child practice , have great success quickly and reward that success with a great big hug and praise of that child being patient , patient , of using the visual clue that you
gave them to use . Then step number two talk about it at bedtime . If it's a nightlight , plug it in together . If it is tape on the clock , remind the child . This is what we're looking for . Don't put a lot of pressure on the child . We don't want this to be a stressful thing . We want it to be a positive experience .
And then step number three , morning . How does it work out ? What you do in the morning is so important for that child . If you have an angel child , they will stay on their bed and wait for you and things will go great . You praise them and it's all all good , and you continue with your day .
If you have a textbook child , they may forget or they may just want to see . If that boundary is going to be firm , that's okay . Calmly , without words . Take them back to their bed then when , when the timer goes off , then they can get out . But the next one we're going to talk about is the spirited child .
And , melanie , I wish I could say that I had a wealth of wisdom on the spirit tutorial . It can be a challenge , but the biggest thing that I can say is be consistent . Don't yield . That child is looking to see are the boundaries going to be firm ? And it may take more than two , three , four mornings .
The one thing that I would add if you have a spirited child is bring in support . If you need , do this on a Saturday when your husband can provide extra support when that child gets out of their bed . And then step number four is you just keep doing it Day after day . Stay the course , even when it's tough , reinforce with consistency and celebrate progress .
Melanie , tell me , did you have an angel child , textbook child , spirited child ? How was this process for ?
you . We had all three of those often in the same child at different times . So we talked about I think in the first part of this episode is we did things a little bit differently . Think in the first part of this episode is we did things a little bit differently .
We allowed our children to come sleep on the floor next to our bed , not in our bed , and they weren't supposed to wake us up . They just came in and they could lay down . Then I was up and I had an early riser .
They knew they could sit in their chair quietly , they could color or read , but they knew my time with Jesus was important to everyone in the house .
So I would just say , regardless of where you fall on the spectrum of how you handle bedtimes , bed routines , it is still the same pathway forward , which is you decide as a family this is what we're going to do and you stay consistent , Because children do not thrive in confusion People don't right , Adults don't either , but particularly children and make that
decision . This is what we're going to do and this is what's acceptable . This is what's not acceptable . I will say this there have been seasons in our lives , Heidi , where things were just not great for me personally , and I tried to take training off the table in those moments , those days .
And what I mean by that is I opted not to introduce a new thing during a time when I was stressed out , because it never ended well , absolutely , and that is so wise .
I appreciate you saying that . Psychiatrists say focus on one thing at a time with that child , do not try to change everything in their world . I think for us a really good time was for me to introduce it on a Friday . We typically did not have events or activities that day .
Done it on Friday morning , practice it Friday morning , we would talk about it Friday night and then Daddy was home on Saturday and Sunday to help . Now again , every family is going to be a little bit different , but that's how we did it . Also , for us to introduce it on Friday morning .
Then the child was able to talk to daddy about it Friday night and that added to the excitement . Also , it helped me know if they understood how they described it to daddy .
I think , overall . Your note , though , is none of this lasts forever . Think about when you have a colicky baby . You think that you're going to have a colicky teenager , but you won't , I promise .
It can feel really wearying when you have a kiddo that is all out of sorts at bedtime , all out of sorts with wake times , really , at the end of the day , I'm all out of sorts with wake times , really at the end of the day . Heidi and I are just encouraging you to stay the course .
You may only have one victory in four days , but the next week you will have two , and it compounds . So just stay the course .
As my husband reminds
¶ Consistency is Key for Sleep Success
me frequently , parenting is a marathon . We are not going to be able to fix all problems in a week , two weeks , a month , a year , and I will say even in 18 years .
And you remind me , I think it's Love and Logic . They talk about the time it takes to replace a I'll call it a bad habit with a new one in a child . What's the ratio ? Again , yeah .
So for every one year of poor behavior or routine , it takes one month to turn that around . That's according to love and logic . For every one year , it takes one month . So let's say you have a three-year-old never created a bedtime routine or they get up whenever they want to A three-year-old , it would take three months to turn things around .
Okay , three months is 12 weeks . Yeah , 12 weeks of consistency . 12 weeks of consistency and , lord willing , for most kids , in 12 weeks you would be able to enjoy bedtime and you would be able to have a quiet time with the Lord man . 12 weeks it's one of those sayings I can do anything for 12 weeks .
And a lot of kiddos . It won't take that long . It really doesn't . Their physical little bodies need sleep , so it'll happen faster than that . I wanted to remind our listeners of that because it is an encouragement to know that it's possible .
I think for me like to have a timeframe in my mind just to kind of shoot , for it reminds me it's not going to take me three more years to redo it .
If we could sit down on a couch across from you , the listener , we would say it's worth it for that time with the Lord . And when you're consistent , setting those expectations with that child , it's going to make everything better . It really will make things better .
Because sleep is so important , I would say to you , mama , you got this and if you need support , please reach out to us . We would love to walk alongside you and encourage you . Melanie , can you close in prayer for the sweet mamas who are listening , please ? Yes .
Heavenly Father , you are so good to us and you love us so much . You made us to have these physical bodies that require rest .
So , lord , would you help us to know best how to build a healthy routine for our children and for ourselves , to build healthy routines for sleep and for waking not just so that we can be healthy and maybe even more importantly , that the moms and dads and caregivers out there will have time in the mornings to devote to seeing your word , to reading your word ,
to spending time with you in prayer and worship , so that , lord , they are prepared to take on whatever comes their way that day . Lord , we thank you for these families . We thank you for the way you have created us to love others and love you . And so , lord , we just pray that in all of these things , that you would be glorified . Amen ,
¶ Closing Prayer and Encouragement
amen . We want to thank you for listening to the Parenting to Impress podcast . Be sure to visit abcjesuslesbiancom and check out the show notes for more information on topics shared in this episode . Please subscribe and share with your friends .