Kate Mason (00:01):
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where life didn't go to plan and you had no other choice but to keep going anyway? And what does resilience look like in your parenting or in how you were raised? Are we helping our children grow strong, or are we unintentionally stepping in too much? And why is that balance so hard to find these days? When you think about independence, what kind of adult are you hoping to raise and what are your everyday actions that you make to support this goal? As a parent, there are so many things to think about. I'm Kate Mason, and welcome to Parenting and Personalities. This is the podcast that connects you to the ones you care about the most.
(00:52):
Now, today I'm honored to sit down with Justina, a remarkable mom who has raised her children solo while facing immense challenges with an unwavering strength and determination. Her story of resilience, growth and parenting will remind you that even in life's toughest moments, it's possible to raise capable, kind, and independent kids. Justina's journey from navigating solo parenthood to seeing her children thrive as young adults is nothing short of extraordinary. She doesn't see herself as anything other than a regular mom fighting for a better life for her kids. And what Jo wants is that anyone in a similar situation needs to know that it's absolutely possible to overcome the challenges and create the life you desire for your family. I've taken away so much from Justina's story and I hope it offers you just as much insight and inspiration as it has given me. Justina, thank you for joining us today to share your parenting journey as a single mom and discuss how you built resilience, independence, and kindness in your children. And we want to explore the lessons that you learned over those years.
Justina Tomkinson (02:02):
Thank you for having me.
Kate Mason (02:04):
It's a pleasure. Now, just initially, could you share what happened to your life after you became a single parent and what that looked like for you moving forward?
Justina Tomkinson (02:14):
Yeah, I think I came out of my divorce with $50,000 and no roof over my head, and at a stage where my children were, I think eight or 8, 9, 11 and 13. And I think as most parents, when they hold a newborn baby, they have a plan how they want to bring up their children and the opportunities they want to give them. And at that point, when I sat in that spot with nothing, after all these things I'd built, I really, really went into probably a state of serious depression, but as well as that like, oh my God, I have to do something here. Otherwise I'm at a pinnacle point. They're not little, they're at this crucial age Now when they're little, you can get away with growing your business or growing whatever to set them up for later for when the expenses come in. But all of a sudden I thought, I'm at this incredible pinnacle point where if I don't hustle right now, I'm not going to give them the things I wanted to give them.
Kate Mason (03:27):
And what kind of things did you want to give them in life?
Justina Tomkinson (03:30):
Opportunity, a lot of sport, good schools, travel, all those things that I think most parents want to get their children.
Kate Mason (03:38):
I agree. So what did you do moving forward in that time? Did you have a support network that you were able to lean on or were you basically just sitting in it on your own?
Justina Tomkinson (03:47):
Well, I moved from where I was when I lost my house down to Victoria for a couple of reasons. I needed the support, but also my brother had at 34 had just been diagnosed with motor neuron's disease. And I loved my brother really very close. And so I thought I'll move to Victoria to be around my family and hopefully spend the last couple of years of his life with him. And I moved to Victoria and I lost the kids' lifestyle they had in the Snowfields in Victoria, and that's when I hustled to get some people together to put in to buy lodge in Japan back in maybe 2009.
Kate Mason (04:37):
And so what kind of hardship? Obviously you had no money and you weren't able to give them those things. So what did you do in place of that? Because
Justina Tomkinson (04:49):
The business that I'd sold, I worked cleaning toilets and cleaning hotel rooms for her and doing bookings for her to hustle some money.
(04:57):
But
(04:58):
Probably the key thing that I was really good at was developing and fixing up and building houses. So I had borrowed some money and started trying to do that again in a very slow way because it's really, really incredibly hard starting from ground zero at those ages. So I did the lodge, I had the lodge, and that was going and the houses. And there's a funny story when I was asking my son, I was telling you about this podcast, and I said, what do you remember from those times? And he said, oh, I can't remember anything. But then Lulu, my daughter, said, oh, I remember Fred was possibly one of those really naughty, lazy kids, and he always wanted to wash the dishes. We didn't have a dishwasher. She asked him years later, why did you always want to wash? And he said, because we couldn't turn any heating on. And it kept my hands warm.
Kate Mason (05:54):
Oh,
Justina Tomkinson (05:56):
That
Kate Mason (05:56):
Made me feel
Justina Tomkinson (05:56):
Terrible.
Kate Mason (05:59):
But obviously it didn't affect your kids, obviously. And also how great that he found a way to keep his hands warm. Oh,
Justina Tomkinson (06:08):
God,
Kate Mason (06:08):
Good on him.
Justina Tomkinson (06:10):
I was so gutted when he told me that I think some magic happened in, there was some kind of weird mixing pot of really watching me hustle really being going from a good position to a terrible position. I think there was some lessons in watching me hustle and some desperation for me that I'd failed at my marriage. I'd lost everything. The one thing I wasn't going to fail at was bringing up really good humans. I just wasn't going to fail at it. There's many things that I did wrong in the journey, but in hindsight, I sort of believe that the adversity and the opportunity they had because they still had opportunity, but the adversity alongside with that was like this perfect storm.
Kate Mason (07:05):
And what did the perfect storm bring to them and to you
Justina Tomkinson (07:10):
In the end result or,
Kate Mason (07:11):
Yeah. Well, during the whole thing, it was obviously a really hard time emotionally, financially, the whole thing. But during that perfect storm, obviously there are going to be mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes and has problems like that. But what was the part of the perfect storm that you think help build really great resilient kids in that time when things were really tough?
Justina Tomkinson (07:35):
So my daughter was an athlete and she was a ski racer, alpine ski racer. And over our divorce, her dad had always ski raced and fulfilled that part of the parenting with her. And that was dropped as well as she'd been promised that he would financially support her. And that was dropped. And so I sort of really didn't have any choice. Anyway, that first year I was in Japan, she went over to Canada to train. I think she was 15 and she blew her ACL. And on traveling back, I mean, this is just a weird little segue story. She had to inject herself with blood thinners for deep vein thrombosis. And she was in the toilet in a Canadian airport traveling on crutches. And I was in Japan working and we were on FaceTime trying to work out how to inject ourself with blood thinners. It was in French because French Canadian, whatever. And anyway, she got home and I was still in Japan working and it was my first winter there. And my parents were busy with my brother who was dying. And I just moved back to Victoria and I had no one here, and she had to put herself in a taxi and put herself through her first ACL reconstruction on her own. And she rang me after she was out of the surgery and she said, where are you? I really need you. And that
(09:08):
Really
(09:08):
Broke my heart. Yeah,
(09:11):
I think. And then subsequently after that, she did it four other times, blew her ACL L. And for people that don't know what that entails, it entails learning to walk again. It's a whole year of rehabilitation. And for someone like Lily who's its sort of different personality, much different to the other two that they were really defining moments. And even though there's probably some trauma there, that young woman who's now 27 could get through the resilience that is built. And it's a fluke that resilience was built because as a mother not being there to hold her hand was like soul destroying.
Kate Mason (09:57):
Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. So have you talked to her about that as an adult?
Justina Tomkinson (10:03):
Yeah.
Kate Mason (10:03):
And what did she say to you about that time?
Justina Tomkinson (10:07):
She believed, and even though I'd explained it to her, but in a child's mind, she believed when she was going into have her knee fixed, she would walk out of hospital with her knee fixed. So she says that was the hardest thing that she just didn't listening or taking in or processing what was going to happen. So when she came out of hospital, again, a taxi and I had to send her to some friend's house that she barely knew to recuperate until I got home. Yeah.
Kate Mason (10:39):
What a tough journey for both of you.
Justina Tomkinson (10:42):
That's
Kate Mason (10:42):
Really hard. Yeah, absolutely. So during those times in that sense, she was obviously a strong-minded kid too. She didn't fall into a depression, she didn't collapse in a heap, she just kept going. Do you think,
Justina Tomkinson (10:59):
I think there's always, like when an athlete has an injury, I think there's always subsequent circumstantial depression associated with the longevity of the recovery. And I mean, out of all my children, she's probably the hardest for me. And there's been some really dark times overseas. I think one time she was in an Airbnb in Europe somewhere and she was in the shower and she had this really weird feeling and she opened this closet and there was a Russian man standing there in the closet, some sort of adjoining doorway. And it's middle of the night where I am, and I'm getting her out of there in a very big hurry. And nothing unto what happened, but I can tell you a hundred stories like that where I'm trying to organize things from Australia with no money. That first knee reconstruction, we didn't have private health cover. I couldn't afford it. You have to wait 18 months for that sort of surgery. So I just got a credit card and put 16,000 on a credit card without knowing how I'd pay that. Yeah.
Kate Mason (12:09):
And how did you pay it?
Justina Tomkinson (12:11):
I got two more credit cards. The ones that you have six months interest free, and I just every cent, I think through that whole time through that, I'd say it was 10 years. Through that whole 10 years, I possibly never did one thing for myself ever. I made a decision that I wasn't going to repartner, I wasn't interested. I wanted to do this exceptional job as far as I could for the kids. And that was going to be Mara Ward.
Kate Mason (12:47):
And you did it.
Justina Tomkinson (12:48):
Yeah.
Kate Mason (12:48):
Well done. Well done.
Justina Tomkinson (12:50):
Thank you.
Kate Mason (12:50):
So the other two children, how was their journey through this? What happened with them and their lives? Because you were obviously away a lot.
Justina Tomkinson (13:04):
Oh, they were with me, the
Kate Mason (13:05):
Younger two,
Justina Tomkinson (13:06):
As they got a little bit older, they'd go back to school early
Kate Mason (13:10):
And
Justina Tomkinson (13:10):
Stay with a friend or a school friend until I got home. And sometimes when they got to 16 on their own until I got home. So my middle child is Fred who they're all two years apart and he had a dream. I've got video of him at two years old with a black hawk in each hand. He had a dream. He wanted to be in the Australian defense forces, a pilot. And so consecutively, while I was organizing all of that for Lilly, I was running with his dreams as well and setting him up. And that's a really massive thing because they have to go in as an officer, they've got to have leadership qualities, he's got to be the right height, the right eyesight, the right coordination, the testing, the right psychological stuff. The testing is insane. So luckily for me, I'd had some pilots, some American Black Hawk pilots stay with me in Japan. I had a friend who was a helicopter pilot, and my cousin was in the Air Force as a wing commander, not a pilot. And I pulled all these people in together and mentored him, just trying to get him on the right path and doing the right things. And then what you have to do is give them a lot of leadership and skills and all of that sort of thing. So then it was getting him to coach the younger football team to keep going with football. And in the meantime, I'm thinking, sorry, I'm just like,
Kate Mason (14:49):
Go for
Justina Tomkinson (14:50):
It. I'm thinking, how do I bring up a male alone? How do I do that? I'm a female. There's two other females in the house. How do I bring up this male alone? And I read a Steve bid up book, and I can't really remember what I said, what it said, but the one thing I took from it was, and it's like everyone knows this, it takes a village, but I took it to another extent. So I got him golf lessons when I could afford it week by week with a great male coach. There was football that anything the boys I used to hire to work for me in Japan, I always made sure they were young men, university men who had studied methods or physics. So in his holidays, those boys could also teach him tutoring. And so there was all these five pronged effects going on in my head about how to do this. And I think one of the closing things I did, which was a really long journey and we're only talking for an hour, was I don't believe in schoolies. I wholeheartedly am not going to support my children, even if I pay for it, or even if they save up and pay for it, I'm not going to send them to Schoolies so they can get drunk and whatever. I sent Fred on Kota at 17 for Schoolies.
(16:05):
Did you train for it? A little bit, but he'd
Kate Mason (16:07):
Just been fit
Justina Tomkinson (16:08):
Enough, been finishing year 12.
Kate Mason (16:09):
Wow, okay.
Justina Tomkinson (16:10):
I sent him on Kota on his own with a group he didn't know. And when you go on Kota, there's a long track and a short track. He did the long track and he also carried his own pack instead of getting a porter to do it. And he's really interested in war history. So it was unbelievably invaluable last year. My daughter who was 21, she did exactly the same thing.
Kate Mason (16:39):
She,
Justina Tomkinson (16:39):
Yeah.
Kate Mason (16:40):
How did she
Justina Tomkinson (16:40):
Find it on her own with a group of eight blokes who she'd never met?
Kate Mason (16:43):
Unbelievable,
Justina Tomkinson (16:45):
Transformative. Yeah. I don't think you could get that kind of experience if you took a group of mates. I think it's all about bonding with those strangers as they did World War II heroes, as they did initially on that trek.
Kate Mason (17:02):
What an amazing experience for the pair of them and to make it. And like you say, it's a life-changing. Most people that walk the Kota Trail say it's a life-changing experience. So you're a pretty good mom. You're pretty
Justina Tomkinson (17:18):
Damn good, my God,
Kate Mason (17:19):
Let me tell you. Oh my goodness. And your third child.
Justina Tomkinson (17:24):
So while Lily was doing the skiing and Fred was concentrating on this dream of an A DF pilot, Lulu's decided that she wanted to do tennis
(17:37):
Because I think she was inspired by Lily and whatever. So I started her on that tennis journey and I said, I'm very realistic. And I said, I want you to get great at it, but you're never going to be good enough now starting this late, but you could get into college in America and do a stint of college in America with tennis. But we went on that journey and it was great. She played in Spain and Queensland for a year and got very good and then Covid hit, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether she made it or not. It's a bit like Fred because the journey of building leadership qualities in him made him a better person. And a kinder, when you're going for the a DF as an officer and you need to be a future leader, and you go, oh, what can I do to get him that job? What I wasn't understanding until later was all those things I was doing made him into a better person and the person they wanted. And a bit like Lulu, I mean with all my kids, one of the things I really thought about when they were young, I used to say, I'm going to treat them like race horses
(18:52):
And they're going to be so exercised and well fed and too tired for anything else. And it worked.
Kate Mason (19:00):
I love that.
Justina Tomkinson (19:00):
I never had a teenage problem. I can honestly say I never had a teenage problem, a drug problem, a drinking problem, or a mental health problem apart from Lily's injuries. But I was hard. There was a lot of the sacrifices I am making. Don't waste them,
(19:26):
Don't waste them. Or I'll tell you a funny story. I have a no PlayStation will always have had in my house, really? No tv. So documentaries, David Attenborough walking with dinosaurs. Then Friday night, you can watch whatever you want and you can't really watch anything unless it's raining. My son saved up some money and bought home a PlayStation at 16, and I let him plug it in, and I watched him use it for a week, and I'm paying good tutoring and getting him on this journey. And he's at university in the holidays at tutors to do maths and physics and all these sorts of things. And I put it out on the driveway and run over it.
Kate Mason (20:11):
I just said, that's
Justina Tomkinson (20:11):
It.
Kate Mason (20:12):
I wished I'd done
Justina Tomkinson (20:12):
Many times. I'm not doing it on you. We're not doing that in my house. While I'm suffering and paying for all these things, I'm not doing that. Not in my time.
Kate Mason (20:27):
And what was his reaction?
Justina Tomkinson (20:29):
Oh, he would not dare to react to that. I mean, I am sure he was crushed and disappointed, but it was like at that stage we were living in a little house and he was doing year 11 and 12, and I'd moved my bed out to the lounge room and there was a small second study and I was sleeping open though to the house and given him my bedroom so he could have that quietness. And yeah,
Kate Mason (20:59):
I can only tell you what, it's amazing resilience for them, but you are also an amazingly resilient woman and you have led by your beliefs. And I think that when children can see what you are doing, then they're going to honor it and follow it and be part of it. Do you get what I mean? Because you are giving up your life to support them, and they must feel that every day. That is an awesome, incredible thing for you to be doing. Don't get me wrong, I know that you do it. No, I know there are probably really bad times and really bad times
Justina Tomkinson (21:35):
Like that times where I lost it
(21:38):
And I feel like before the time that I was really broken, struggling, I never really lost it. And my heart goes out to people who have been in my situation because it's so much harder to be a good person and a good parent, not a good person, a good parent with that level of stress over you and that feeling like as moms, we all have these babies in our arms and we want to do the absolute, give them the absolute best and the times. That is when I feel like I'm failing that that has been the worst times.
Kate Mason (22:19):
And when were those times?
Justina Tomkinson (22:24):
Just when you lose it. When you just lose it and all that good work you've done and all that positive building and everything, and a few words, a few words, and then you're like, you can do 90% good and 10% bad. But for me as a mother, the 10% bad evaporates the 90% good.
Kate Mason (22:45):
Do your children say that though?
Justina Tomkinson (22:49):
No. Did
Kate Mason (22:49):
You ever discuss that with them?
Justina Tomkinson (22:50):
No. Is
Kate Mason (22:51):
That your belief of That's my belief. Is that how you felt?
Justina Tomkinson (22:53):
But when I did that, there's not a time I didn't sit down hand on heart and apologize for my bad behavior and say, I'm a human and I've screwed up. All I can do, and this is what I told them a lot too, you're going to screw up, watch me screw up, you're going to do it. The only thing you can do wrong in screwing up is not learn the lesson then it's been a complete waste. You've screwed up. And it's a waste. If you screw up and you find the lesson in it, you build on that and then it's not a waste. Just like things like that.
Kate Mason (23:31):
Such wise words. So what is wrong with the world today when we are looking at that and building, and I understand hardship meant that you had to go a different parenting path and do totally different things of which sound like you did the very, very best job you could have done. And in doing that, you did build a real resilience in your kid and being kids and being open and honest and telling
Justina Tomkinson (24:03):
Them, letting them screw up, letting them screw up and teaching them that lesson. What can we learn in this? Letting them fail and picking them up, helping them pick them up and show them how to pick themselves up. Watching you fail and watching you say, I'm not going to give up. I'm going to keep going. But going back to when they were little Lily, the oldest, this is going to be really controversial.
Kate Mason (24:31):
That's okay. Go.
Justina Tomkinson (24:31):
And she wasn't diagnosed. Not until I knew when you have your first child, you really don't know. But I knew something was, I thought I wasn't a good parent because I don't have anything. There's no market. I don't have another kid. And then I had Fred and Lulu and I'm like, they're normal. And I sort of thought, do I get her diagnosed? And then when she pushes Fred over and he hits his head and I rang helplines and all this sort of thing and got advice and read a lot of stuff, and the advice was explained to Fred that Lily's a different person and just say, we don't go into her room and she's playing. And I just couldn't agree with that. I couldn't agree with that.
Kate Mason (25:21):
So what did you do?
Justina Tomkinson (25:22):
I had been, and always still am so tough on her,
(25:29):
And I put her in a lot of uncomfortable situations. She hates traveling. She's traveled for many years, often had, often has problems with interpersonal relationships of people just not getting it. We all know what it's like. We've all read about it and just nutting it out. And at 27 years now, you think, and I thought this right through the journey. It's a human experiment, right? Because we don't know what it would've been like if I didn't push her out of her comfort zone and I didn't tell her off when she did things that are commonly considered not caring or not. I fought with her and I still fight with her not as much. Of course, I fought it the whole time. And I feel like I like to think I try and find a positive in everything. If I hadn't have done that, would she have the same relationship she has with Fred and Lulu now? I don't know because they have a fantastic relationship, the three of them, and they're super tight. I don't know. And of course,
Kate Mason (26:41):
And which you've achieved what she does today. So where does she work?
Justina Tomkinson (26:46):
So she works at Australia's Zoo Wildlife Hospital with the Irwins. So she retired from ski racing after her fourth knee reconstruction. Her body just wouldn't hold up. And alongside that, and that's something I want to mention, what I did when the kids were young, I really watched their child play, really watched it. And Lily was always like a lot of neurodivergent people obsessed with animals. And I don't know why. I've heard things that animals don't have all the social cues that they can't understand, but this obsession with animals from a really young, and actually in a box the other day, I was unpacking something and I found her size three Steve Irwin shirt. And then it's so incredible that she's wearing the life-size one now way back then. And I always encouraged her to stay in that. So first she did a veterinary nursing degree and now she's on a animal bioscientist, which she'll specialize in avian. So birds and she has birds and she went for a job there and she works and works with. It's incredible the work they're doing up there. And so this journey of resilience, I don't know she could do that. Who knows?
Kate Mason (28:17):
And she did. And we are today
Justina Tomkinson (28:20):
Every inch of the way. I'd never let her get away with anything. I cannot tell you the times I kicked her out of the car and she had to walk home.
Kate Mason (28:28):
Do you know what? There's things you have to do and sometimes, but how do we know that? But how do we know that's not the right thing? Look at where she's now.
Justina Tomkinson (28:37):
I think I just, at that point, I had to get her away from me. From me, yes,
Kate Mason (28:41):
Yes, yes.
Justina Tomkinson (28:46):
Can just say something.
Kate Mason (28:47):
Go for it. Yeah.
Justina Tomkinson (28:48):
That they call a superpower. And it is that allowed her to get to where she got to in her sport, which was incredible with that type of knee injury and limited money and being neurodivergent, not liking to travel or socialize. And that neurodivergence got her to get that job and to be a that streamlined hyper concentration
Kate Mason (29:25):
Focus. Yeah, that's right. And there is talent and there they do have a special talent a lot of the time. And you really have nourished that
Justina Tomkinson (29:37):
Really, if you look at them as children, whether it's mowing lawns, whatever it is, you don't say do something safe. If that's what they love doing, they'll find a way to do that. If you nurture, encourage, and people won't like this push
Kate Mason (29:57):
And have boundaries around a lot of things. Because I think when we talk about children today, and you pointed out so many things that are missing in the kids that are out there today at the moment that are lost and dunno what they're doing and have got no resilience. And yeah,
Justina Tomkinson (30:19):
There's one other thing that I thought of that was probably one of the most important keys, and that's the few things, like one or two parents isn't enough. You got to put a crowd of people around you. And even if some of those people swear or their offering is humor or whatever, it doesn't matter. It's like a variety of life in order to don't think you can give them everything. You can't. You can't not as one parent, not as two parent. You can't need lots of influences, lots of different people with lots of different point of views and lots of different skills.
Kate Mason (31:03):
Beautiful. And what else have you got?
Justina Tomkinson (31:04):
And the other thing is let them know. Let them know no one has their back. One of the things I used to tell Fred is, no one on this earth is going to care about you in the same way I care about you and the advice I give you. There's nothing in it for me. I'm not getting paid. You're not going to get old and then have to pay me back. So I'm not shifting you in this direction, in hoping that you make money and pay me back. It's all purely because I love you and I want the best for you. And while you are doing your thing, I'm collecting information and more things for you. And alongside of that is being emotionally close to your children. That's when they tell you everything. So I found in the teenage years, especially with Fred, he went a bit dodgy on the eye contact.
(32:01):
So the best thing was GRS and why they're looking forward and I mean, that's an ancestral thing, eye contact and whatever. I'd work out what was going on and troubleshoot the problems and have this open book thing where they can tell you anything when they screw up, when they do something great, whatever. But you want them to share what's going on with you so they don't fall into the wrong crowd. And you want to say, if they are hanging out with someone who you thinks a bit dodgy, say that person's dodgy. Tell them the truth. Just be honest.
Kate Mason (32:38):
Did you stop them from hanging out with a dodgy person? I kind of went, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. So I would, I would never tell them not to because to me that almost was red rag to a bull. And they would, so instead I'd kind of invite them to the house, have them around the place, and in the end, my kid would work out that they were dodgy almost by being in our family environment.
Justina Tomkinson (33:07):
I think I didn't come up with it much if I did come about it much, but if I did, I would be really straightforward and say, you're going in a different direction to them. Don't let other people drag you down. Just don't.
Kate Mason (33:20):
Or I don't. And they would listen.
Justina Tomkinson (33:21):
Yeah, hundred percent. We're on a different path. We're on a different path. We're on a path to finding jobs and careers that make you guys happy. We're not going there.
Kate Mason (33:35):
Oh, Justine, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for joining us today. Yeah, what a wonderful, wonderful. I mean, the
Justina Tomkinson (33:41):
Japan thing is a whole other thing.
Kate Mason (33:45):
It's a whole,
Justina Tomkinson (33:45):
I think the Japan thing is a defining moment in my children's life, what they had to do over there. Yeah.
Kate Mason (33:54):
I just think despite what you might think of yourself, you have been amazing and actually inspiring and very resilient parent, and you still are.
Justina Tomkinson (34:03):
You haven't seen me lose it.
Kate Mason (34:05):
No.
Justina Tomkinson (34:05):
But
Kate Mason (34:06):
I'm sure that when you do lose it and you turn around, you apologize. I think that's the biggest, hardest thing and the thing that people don't realize that they should be doing because we're all human and we all want to hear someone say sorry, especially if you've done something that you didn't mean to. Oh yeah. You have
Justina Tomkinson (34:20):
To say sorry.
Kate Mason (34:22):
You have to say sorry. And I think that it's such an important reminder that we can empower our children by stepping back, giving 'em space to grow, also being right next to them and telling 'em, look, my daughter used to sing and say she wanted to be an Australian idol. And I said to her, honey, I just want you to know now that you can have singing lessons and I'm really happy to support you, but it's probably not going to be a thing. Too many times,
Justina Tomkinson (34:47):
Times percent. If Fred had said, I want to be an AFL player, I would've said, go as far as you want, but that's not going to work for you. One thing I do tell them all the time is there's the top 10% of babies born just have some kind of weird gift of being
Kate Mason (35:05):
Super intelligent,
Justina Tomkinson (35:06):
Gifted in intelligence, and the top and the bottom 10% might've been born with a cord around their neck or with some sort of adverse, I don't know. I don't even know what the percentages are. So you are in the 80%, so that 80% are all kinds of people. So if you're physically right, like Fred and your eyesight's, right? I say this before, if you are in that 80%, you can do anything. The only thing that's stopping you doing that is self-belief and hard work. You don't need self-belief because you're 16 or 15, you don't have any yet. I'm telling you, you can do it because you're in that 80%. So I'll give you your self-belief until you get it yourself. Now you just work hard and we'll do it together. Yeah.
Kate Mason (35:57):
That's awesome stuff
Justina Tomkinson (36:00):
And L lose.
Kate Mason (36:01):
Yeah, same thing.
Justina Tomkinson (36:02):
Same thing. Firefighter. Yeah. Yeah, journalist. Yeah.
Kate Mason (36:06):
Wow. Wow. Well missing here. I think our listener is just going to love everything that you have said. There's so much to take away in your story. You have led really tough, but you have made your life really incredible. I just want you to know, hearing your story is really
Justina Tomkinson (36:28):
Well. Thank you.
Kate Mason (36:28):
Amazing.
Justina Tomkinson (36:29):
I think alongside that, growing my business too, alongside all of that, which I needed my business to support the kids. It was all, when Lily stopped skiing, I went through a period of like, I don't know what to make money for anymore. I really did. I'm like, I don't know. They were my sole motivation. And I mean, I'm going to do something in a different direction. And I had to think because I wasn't motivated for money for the sake of it, only to a means to an end,
Kate Mason (37:03):
To keep those kids safe and growing an
Justina Tomkinson (37:06):
Opportunity.
Kate Mason (37:07):
Yeah, and you did an awesome job. Thank you. Thank you so much for joining me today, Justina. It's been amazing.
Justina Tomkinson (37:13):
Thank you very much. Listen
Kate Mason (37:13):
To you.
Justina Tomkinson (37:15):
Thank you.
Kate Mason (37:16):
Resilience can be built one small, consistent step at a time. Justine's journey shows that strength just doesn't come all at once. It grows as you keep showing up even when it's hard. Now, children thrive when they're trusted with responsibility. So giving them a space to struggle a little and solve their own problems can lead to independence, confidence and resilience. There's no one size fits all approach to parenting. As we all know. We're all different people. We've all come from different circumstances, different personalities, and what worked for Justina might look different for someone else. But the key is knowing your children, knowing who you are, and trusting your instincts and adjusting your parenting along the way. Tough love and emotional support can go hand in hand. If you know a friend or a family member, especially someone who might be navigating solo parenting or facing a tough time, who could benefit from this episode, whether it's parenting insights, resilience tips, or simply a fresh perspective, please feel free to share it with them.
(38:21):
Sometimes a simple recommendation can make all the difference. Thank you for listening to Parenting and Personalities. If you enjoyed this episode, would love it if you could leave a rating and a review that would help others learn about the podcast. If you are interested in discovering more about you and your family's personality types, you'll find my book, who Is This Monster or Treasure in My House on Booktopia or Amazon. And if you have an episode idea, please send a note to the personality coach@gmail.com. Many thanks to our producers at Stories and Strategies, and we'll see you next time.