Kate Mason (00:00)
Today I just want to thank for Lube for your five star review. I'm inspired that you find my podcast thought provoking, enlightening and entertaining. Your kind and thoughtful words really mean a lot to me. As a parent or grandparent, have you ever heard of sensory processing and self-regulation? Or are they just buzzwords that you kind of nod at and pretend you know what they mean? Because trust me, I have been there.
When my first born was diagnosed with sensory processing issues at the age of five, I had no idea what that term even meant. I had this incredibly calm, well-behaved child who was probably too well-behaved, but pfft, I didn't know that. His amazing teacher noticed something on his very first day at school. She picked his sensory issues up straight away. She saw that he was sensitive to touch and really didn't like running around.
And it turned out the reason that he didn't run or climb was because his vestibular system was a little bit, well, a whole lot out of whack. Hey, who knew? I certainly didn't. I didn't even know what a vestibular system was. And just in case you don't either, let me tell you. The vestibular system is a sensory system in your inner ear that helps you maintain balance and spatial orientation. It detects changes in head position and motion.
and allows you to coordinate movement and keep your balance, especially when you're moving in or out of different positions. Wow, so much for thinking that he behaved the way he did because he was a great child, which Jack, if you are listening, you really were. So fast forward 28 years, after many years of occupational therapy in his childhood, my son now can do everything that a fully functioning vestibular system should allow him to do.
So how can we as parents learn to recognise and understand these concepts? They could make a huge difference in how we support our kids, especially when we're trying to figure out why they might be acting out or struggling with certain behaviours, or even appearing really good. Being a parent's hard work, isn't it? Unfortunately, we don't know everything, even though we tell our kids we do. Now what if sensory processing or self-regulation are the missing pieces that you're looking for?
Just imagine how this knowledge could transform your family's daily life and interactions. So if you're ready to learn how to spot sensory processing issues, figure out what's going on behind your child's behaviour and get some practical tips for handling it, then stick around. This episode is for you. And hey, if you know someone else who might be on the same boat, share this with them. You never know, it might just be the missing piece they're looking for. Hi, I'm Kate Mason.
And welcome to Parenting and Personalities. This is the podcast that connects you to the ones you care about the most.
Ivan Hardcastle (02:57)
you
Kate Mason (03:17)
Today I'm joined by Ivan Hardcastle, an occupational therapist and parent coach who's dedicated his career to helping children with special needs and their families and helping them to thrive. Ivan's journey began after he graduated from Idaho State University in 2007. And since then, he's worked with children facing challenges such as autism, emotional regulation, and sensory processing difficulties. In 2024, he expanded his work into parent coaching.
offering guidance to help families manage behavioural challenges and build emotional and sensory skills at home. Alongside his wife, Ivan has raised five neurodivergent children, which has given him a unique hands-on perspective on parenting. When he's not coaching, Ivan enjoys decorative woodworking, acting in and directing musical theatre, biking and exploring the natural wonders of the world.
Welcome to parenting and personalities, Ivan. so good to have you with us today. Thank you. I'm really looking forward to our conversation today because I want to discuss a few things that people might not understand that we might be able to explain more clearly for them. But let's just start. You've got a really diverse background in both therapy and in coaching. So where did this all start for you?
Ivan Hardcastle (04:19)
Thank so much.
You know, it's an interesting thing. I graduated ⁓ with a master's in occupational therapy back in 2007. And I don't know where this idea came from, but I just, when I came out and was graduated, I just felt like it was part of who I needed to be to educate. And so I would host education nights for parents. I was in a rural town, still I'm in the same rural town, but I've grown quite a bit. And I was the only
full time outpatient occupational therapists doing pediatrics outside of there was a few in the hospital, but I was the only one and starting out and then it built from there. So I was educating doctors and I was educating professionals, other professionals, and was educating parents about what it is that an occupational therapist can do. And that has continued. And as I've gained experience, one of the things that I noticed was, Hey,
It's great to bring your kids into therapy and it's great to get the help, the kids who really make the gains through therapy are the ones who the parents are there listening and I was actually spending more time educating and helping the parents understand this is how your child is functioning. This is what to do in the home and these children made fantastic gains. And so for me, it wasn't necessarily.
hey, your child needs to come to therapy again and again and again and again, and we're just going to keep going to therapy. It's if I can get the therapy inside the home and if I can get the therapy inside the parents, the parents thrive, the kids thrive, the family thrives. And so many comments come back about, thank you, Ivan, you don't understand what this did to our family, siblings, parents, everybody. so officially, I kicked off my official parent coaching, my online parent coaching last year.
Up to that, still kind of been informal, but it's been fantastic and I've gotten fantastic feedback.
Kate Mason (06:41)
Well, that just goes perfectly in with what I wanted to ask you is that many of us, unless we've had an experience with an occupational therapist, do not know what an occupational therapist does and ⁓ perhaps doesn't have any idea around what kind of issues you cover. And I agree with you. The kids are with their parents 24 seven and you're with them for an hour, say a week. It's so much more valuable to have an understand and know
what is happening for your child with the occupational therapist that you can repeat that practice at home. I think that is just undoubtedly the best outcome for everybody. And like you say, it helps the parent understand themself, you know, what they can do with their children. So can you tell us kind of what your work covers? What an occupational therapist's work covers and then what you specifically cover yourself? Because I'm talking at really broad.
Yeah. Yeah. And then hone it down into what you do.
Ivan Hardcastle (07:43)
Yeah, if you take a look at the word occupation, occupation are things that occupy your time, occupy your life. Really, it's what brings meaning to your life. And so years ago, and this is a continuing document that gets revamped and revisited, but the American Occupational Therapy Association came out with a framework that has identified areas of occupations, the activities of daily living, which is more as.
Essentially the care of yourself, it's the dressing, it's the bathing, it's the grooming, all those things that are inward facing, physical functions. You have instrumental activities of daily living, which is kind of outward facing. This is your shopping, this is your childcare, this is your being able to take care of pets, those things that are kind of home chore, busy life things that you do outside. And then there's sleep and there's work and there's education, there's leisure.
There's play and there's social participation and all of those. That's the broad umbrella of occupational therapy. so really when you, when you go and talk to an occupational therapist, it's, wow, what is your life like? What things are impeding you from being able to live the life that you want to live? And then part of the problem of understanding occupational therapy is that we do a whole bunch and we have a really far reach because of how diverse we can work.
Kate Mason (09:11)
And so yours is much more specific. So why did you decide to work with children in that aspect rather than adults?
Ivan Hardcastle (09:18)
So in going to school, have have internships are called fieldworks and the the schools want you to have a variety of different experiences so that you can get a feel for hey, these are my strengths and these are my weaknesses. This is what I like. And I was really attuned initially to brain injury. Then my last fieldwork was doing pediatrics. And by the end of that, said, man, this I really enjoyed this. This is so much fun. I think this is what I'm going to go into. And my wife and my mother-in-law both
We're like, okay, finally. Yeah, we could have told you that ages ago. And then so why didn't you mention Yeah, and you really Yeah, I probably would have I would have second guessed but finding out for myself. I'm the youngest in my family. I One of the youngest of my cousins. I was terrified of kids But when I got down and started working with him I realized that this is just fantastic and to see them grow and develop and see the changes in families it's it is so rewarding and and
Kate Mason (09:53)
Just find out for yourself. You could have ignored them.
Ivan Hardcastle (10:18)
It's wonderful to see. my second year out ⁓ is when I got certified in sensory integration. And so I had a sensory integration focus and was working with a lot of kids with autism or other, there was a wide variety of diagnoses that also have sensory processing challenges. And away I went and it's continued and it's just been a growing love of mine.
Kate Mason (10:44)
Isn't it wonderful to find something you're passionate about? Yeah. Cause a lot of people don't in life. So it's a really great thing to have. So with the sensory processing, can you just give us a brief outline on that? Because my son was five and ⁓ what I thought was okay. He never really ran much. And, I just thought I had a really good kid on my hands and he went to an early learning center. I'm sorry, at four and this.
The first day after the first day, ⁓ the teacher had actually worked with children with special needs, et cetera. And she had said to me, I think Jack's got some sensory issues and needs. And I had never heard of the term. And she said, I think he's doesn't like touch very much. You know, he doesn't like to hold hands, doesn't like the feeling of things. I'm like, really? You know, where did this come from? And then I went to an occupational therapist and spent years, you know,
rubbing him down with bristles to make sure his skin was less, you know, and spinning him because his vestibular system was out. Now these are things that as a parent and as a teacher, I would never have recognized. ⁓ She picked up because she'd worked in that area. So it is really hard for parents to see that or even know what to look for. So what I would love to know is what, as a parent, I know it's a really broad spectrum.
And we can't go, all right, but what are some of the behaviors that might make us aware that they're more sensory rather than behaviors of trying to annoy, annoy us?
Ivan Hardcastle (12:17)
Yeah, you know, that's an interesting question. I want to preface it. I want to take a step back. This is going to be the quickest description of sensory processing I've ever given. Okay. So hold on. I want to step back and preface it with, I have yet to meet a child or an adult who doesn't have the very best intentions for the resources that they have available to them. Everybody wants to succeed and
what we see when we have these adverse behaviors or problems and we're just like, my goodness, my child has these difficulties and it's problematic. It's the child trying to be successful, but there's something holding them back. And so they are trying to find ways to move forward, but that's resulting in some sort of behavior. And there's a wide variety of different reasons for that, but that's the basis. So now take that and look at it through sensory processing and
So I'm holding up my fist and I've got my arm down. And I'm going to say that my arm represents the spinal cord and my fist represents the midbrain. It's deep inside the brain. And then I'm going to stick my other hand on top. And this is the street broom. This is the squishy part that we think of. We look at jello molds of brains and this is what we're thinking of as the brain. And to understand sensory processing, we have to.
This is where lot of our thinking happens. is where our planning happens. Executive functioning all happens up in the, in the front here, but we peel that off and we look at this more, very internal. This is the part of the brain that does a lot of automatic stuff. Memories in here, emotions are in here and sensory processing happens in here and everything that we experience touch movement.
pressure, pain, smell, sight, all of it, all of it comes in through nerves and it has to go into this fist. And there it's going to, I think of it like an airport or a bus terminal. It all arrives and then all the passengers get off and they have to know where they are going. They have to make sense of where they're going. And then they get on the proper buses or the airplanes and they go from there into the higher centers of the brain where we can plan and we can function and we can
We can move and we can interact and we can be social and we can focus. All of that happens because we have correct connections of information going in, being made sense of, and then moving on. And when we have hiccups in that system, that's when we have children who have tactile defensiveness. They can't stand the touch of their clothes or they can't, food is, they have food aversions or.
So many brushes against them and they think that they just got hit so then they hit back and it's not a hey i'm trying to be aggressive it's I thought that somebody just slugged me i'm trying to protect myself or The person who they think that they're just giving a high five or a tap, but they don't understand Their body and so it's much more hard. I didn't hit him in their head All they did was tap, but man, it was a slug All that comes from sensory processing And to understand that there's really kind of two types
And this, think, is one of the biggest challenges for parents is understanding that there's two big diversion pathways of sensory processing. One is discrimination. It's very, very physical oriented. And this has to do with how you are moving. It's the what. What am I experiencing? Do I understand my body? These are children that are falling out of their chairs. And as they get older, they play it off as class clown type behavior.
But really they don't understand their body. They have a hard time holding a pencil because they don't know where their fingers are physically at, even though they can see them. And then the other side is the regulation side. And this is the how much. And I think of this like a like a dial dimmer on a light switch where if I need it brighter, I can turn it up brighter. And if I need it dimmer, I can turn it down and change the lighting. And this is a side that
hey, I'm in a group of people and I can't take it because there's too many people versus somebody who has sensory processing intact who can go into a busy grocery store, for example, and say, well, it's really busy. I don't like this, but I know that I'm going to be OK and I can pace myself until I get out. And if you can't, that's on the regulation side of sensory processing in all sorts of situations.
Kate Mason (16:56)
It's, it's a huge, it is a really huge curve and that's a fabulous explanation. Thank you very much. That really makes sense of it. wish I'd had that. Quick, quick, quick, really good, really good because I mean, there are so many, I mean, there's so many people in the world that have sensory issues, but like you say, handle them and cope with them and, it doesn't become something that displaces their life or.
or has any impact, really big impact on their lives. But with children and parents, what is it about parents that you do with coaching them how to understand their children? What areas are they?
Ivan Hardcastle (17:37)
No,
really the start of it is taking a step back as a parent and understanding yourself. And you made the comment that, you know, so many people have struggled with sensory processing. I would say that we all do. all have sensory processing. Strengths and we have weaknesses. There are things that we do that are easy for us. There are things that are hard for us. Some people are more coordinated. Some people are less coordinated. And that just means that.
that integration or the processing of information from touch and muscle position, pressure, and your head position movement. Some people that talks better and some people it doesn't talk as well. And so you have tendencies and most of the time it doesn't cause a problem. You just live your life. And sometimes it does cause challenges and then it becomes much more apparent. So for parents, when I do parent coaching,
I have them step back and start really analyzing themselves first to understand the concepts. And I teach them the concepts through video format and it really goes through and they're able to give me feedback and answer questions. And then when they understand, then they can look at their children and say, okay, now I can use this tool. mentioned before with your son of the brushing and the swinging and the spinning. Those are fantastic tools.
And if you have a therapist or if you just go out and find that tool and say, Hey, this is supposed to help my child with ADHD be more calm. So I'm going to swing them and it works for one day and then it doesn't work anymore. my gosh, the tool didn't work. What's wrong with this tool? But it's really taking a step back and saying, I need to understand why the tool works. And when I do that, then I can go to my child and say, okay, my child has ADHD and it's this type and it's this formula. This is who Johnny is.
And today I can see that this is what he's seeking. This is what he needs. So I'm going to adapt my approach this way, and then I'm going to change it that way. And then I'm going to move this way so that I'm empowered as a parent and I can use the tools rather than just having a tool set, but not knowing what to do with them. I get that background knowledge and I can be successful.
Kate Mason (19:55)
So can you give us an example of that? ⁓ I mean, ⁓ cause Jack was actually very quiet. He was not, there was no behavioral issue at all with him in a sense. think I was really lucky when you say that because his, and he calmly went and did all of his exercises and at about 16, he said to me, what was it that I was doing all those years ago? ⁓ And he, just went along, know, like he, he, I, so, you know, I was quite fortunate. He didn't have, he wasn't, ⁓
a child that was highly active or reactive. He was very calm, a very calm kitty. is it sometimes the parent also, when they're looking at themselves and having a bit of a look, do they have some, now can we talk about self-regulation and describe self-regulation? Do they sometimes have their own self-regulation problems and sensory problems as well?
Ivan Hardcastle (20:51)
Yeah. And this goes back to that comment where I said, everybody has strengths and weaknesses in sensory processing for parents. know, life, life gets so busy and you think about, you know, you've, you've got to run kids here and there and you've got to come home and you've got to make meals and maybe there's work and maybe there's relationship and there's all these things piled on and we, which is information coming in.
And then we get overwhelmed and thinking back to that, that arm and fist model. Here we have this center of the brain that's processing all this information right next to it is the areas that are in charge of emotions that are in charge of the, the amygdala is the fancy word for it. It's the fight is I call it the guard dog. It's the fight, fight, freeze response. And when we get information in and we become overwhelmed, that's triggered. And then of course we are.
in that fight, flight, freeze response mode. And so then we get upset. get, we break down and we cry. We, we freeze, we get frustrated with our kids. We do things that we later regret. And that's the tie into regulation. And it's such an important piece for parents to understand to be in a better spot themselves. Understanding regulation, understanding how all these components of the brain work together.
You asked me for an example and I just want to, this is actually, no, just last month I was talking to somebody online in Australia. It was fantastic. And he sent me a message, he Ivan, I need help. My son, he gets bread at night and he just wants to throw the bread. And all he does is throw the bread. And I went, this is really interesting. So tell me more. And we got on a video call and he was showing me and lo and behold, the kid is running around the house and he's getting into the bread and he's throwing the bread.
And I said, okay, well, let's, take a look, just follow him with the camera and let's just see what he's doing. And he has the bread in his hands and he'd run and he would jump on the couch and then he'd jump off the couch and then he would run into another room and he's, he's tossing the bread, but he's picking it up. It's more like this texture anchor that he was using, but then he crashes into his, his bed into the pillows and then he gets up and he jumps down and he runs into this room and he crashes and it says,
What this child needs is more pressure. Every time that he's jumping on the couch, every time he's jumping off the couch, that landing, he's getting sensory input into his joints and muscles. He's getting pressure and he's wanting pressure. And the bread is part of routine that he's built into that I need something in my hands when I'm doing this. And so I gave dad some ideas. said, okay, these are some pressure activities that I want you to try. And he got back to me the next week. He says, I've been, this is incredible.
It's so different. And, and he's, he's not going after the bread anymore. He's not running around like he's to our evenings are more calm. And you know, even, even just, but being able to, as a parent being able to see that and rather than just say, Oh my God, my, my kid is out of control, but taking a step back and saying, what, what is he seeking? What does his brain want? What does his body want? How can I give that and help him to get it in a way that he can.
understand it and make use of it.
Kate Mason (24:17)
That's so true. it's so, yeah, we have no thought around that. When our children are born, we're just expecting them to be perfect and it doesn't work. It doesn't happen. But then also as adults, we're not perfect ourselves. And in fact, I'd love to talk to you in another podcast because I would really love to actually get into you.
into talking about parental behaviors and reactions and how they affect their children. And I'd love to talk to you too, about how you talk about mindset and language. think that would be a really great conversation. Yeah. How I heard you talking on another podcast about how we were naturally always looking for the negatives in life. And I'd love to chat about that with you too.
But I really, we're running out of time, but I really appreciate the explanation because a lot of my friends are now becoming grandparents as well. So what we're going to be doing, well, my daughter's currently pregnant at the moment. So what we're going to be doing is when we have young grandchildren around, it's really important for us to be able to detect things as well and understand things and also to be regulated around children and self-regulated as well.
Ivan Hardcastle (25:43)
Yeah, you know, some of the parents in my. You know, it's probably it's well, yeah, no, it's not. It's not quite a third of the parents that I have in my coaching program right now, but their grandparents, they are they are people who are wanting to understand their grandkids. And maybe it's because they are watching them more often because both parents are working or maybe they're just more involved in their lives. But some of them have gone as far as to say, hey,
I understand that this is a good program. I want to buy it, but I want to buy it for my children so that they get that, that, you know, parent manual that, you know, doesn't come when they're born. I want my children to be able to understand this and they joined the program together and it's, you know, it's amazing. It's, it's an amazing thing to see what happens in these families.
Kate Mason (26:35)
That's fantastic, because very often you tell your children what to do and they don't want to do it. So it's wonderful that they're there doing it. You know, we have all this wisdom and advice and it's like, you know, often you have to wait until somebody wants, you know, wants to do it, wants to make a change, wants to do something different. Um, you know, I bought my daughter a couple of parenting books and I said, you need to read them now because you're never going to read them once you're a parent, cause you're not going to have time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but they're still sitting on the counter and I figure when that time comes and she's desperate and she will ask the question and she will find out there's plenty of fantastic knowledge sitting out there and I've met some fantastic people like yourself on the show and I know I have a wealth of resources that I can offer her if anything happens in that sense. But it is really important.
Yeah, go on. ⁓
Ivan Hardcastle (27:36)
That's the model of change that I follow. I look at really looking at the four steps. The first one is that you can't change if you don't recognize that there's something to change. You're not going to do it. You're not going to pick up the book. You're going watch the videos. You're not going to ask for help because you don't recognize that there's a change needed. And then the second one is that, hey, I recognize I have a problem. I've got some difficulty, but I'm not doing anything about it yet. And then the third one is, okay, I've got help.
I'm talking to somebody, I'm reading a book, I'm doing something, but it's so effortful. And, and this is where I think most people land and then they fail because they don't continue until it's ingrained in them. They actually don't transform themselves. And I pushed for that fourth step, which is I've done this and I've ingrained it and now it's become part of me. And so I naturally look at my child and can see their sensory processing. I can look at myself and see my own.
emotional regulation. And when I go to work, if something's challenging, can, I actually do a self check-in and say, wow, yeah, I'm getting overwhelmed. Why am I getting overwhelmed? I'm tired. I'm hungry. I'm, whatever it is. And then, and I've become a different person. And that's, that's when things really take off. But you need that first step of saying, Hey, you know what? There's a problem and I need to, I need to do something about this.
Kate Mason (28:58)
You do. And ingraining something like that, I think is really important in every aspect of life. Once it becomes a habit and it's in your head and it's in your, you've got it sitting in there. That's when it becomes the most helpful for you. Ivan, it's been a real pleasure to have you here today. Your insights are amazing and I look forward to talking to you again. Can you leave us with one? ⁓ No, before you leave us, how can people get in contact with you?
Ivan Hardcastle (29:25)
Fantastic. So if you go to Facebook and look up Ivan ⁓ Hardcastle, I'll lead you right to my page, send me a message. You can also go to my website, www.castletwinfalls.com. I'll take up my, right to my website and there's a link that you can click to send me a message, but those two, those are the easiest ways to get ahold of me.
Kate Mason (29:51)
Beautiful. And they'll be in our show notes as well. Now, can you just leave us with one actionable step that someone could do if they're currently stressed out and frustrated and don't know what to do with their child. And it could possibly be a sensory issue.
Ivan Hardcastle (30:09)
Yeah, what I would have you do is I want you to stop and I want you to pause and I want you to look at your child. Now this has been a quick and dirty kind of description of sensory processing, but look at what your child is doing and what they're trying to get, what their body is wanting, what their brain is wanting. Are they running around jumping off things? Are they, my daughter, quick story, my daughter, when she, we,
We moved to Twin Falls. I just graduated, just started my job. And we started cat sitting for my in-laws. They were trying to sell their house. Since we have this cat, which means that we had a litter box. And we hadn't had this before. And my daughter kept playing in the litter box. And we tried everything. We tried behavior approaches. And we tried talking to her. And we tried punishing. Nothing worked until I called my dad, frustrated. And he says, well, does she have anything else that she can play with that's like that? ⁓ So I built a little sound box out back.
She never touched it again. So just pause, just pause, a moment. Simple simple solution. Look at what their body is trying to do.
Kate Mason (31:23)
That's fantastic advice. Thank you so much. So lovely to have you here with us.
Well that wraps up today's episode and we have covered a lot of ground. From understanding sensory processing to how self-regulation plays a really important role in how our children, and let's be honest, ourselves, respond to the world around us. It's not always easy to figure out why kids react the way they do, but as we've learnt today, those challenging behaviours might actually be clues to something deeper, like your child's body or brain trying to get a very specific need met. Remember,
Sensory processing isn't just a buzzword, it's a real understandable way to connect the dots between what's going on in your child's brain and their behaviour. And tuning into these needs, you can help them feel more regulated, calm and supported in ways that might really make a difference. And before you go, let's not forget Ivan's golden tip at the end of the episode. Take a pause, stop for a minute, observe what your child's behaviour might be telling you.
What are they seeking? And what does their body need right now? This simple step could be the key to understand their reactions and giving them the support they need in a way that actually makes sense. So if you're feeling a little more equipped to challenge these moments when things seem a little out of control, then I'd say my podcast today was a winner. And if you know someone who might benefit from this information, be sure to share it with them. It could make all the difference. Thanks for joining me today.
I look forward to connecting with you again next week. In the meantime, stay curious, stay patient and keep learning. Thank you for listening to Parenting and Personalities. If you enjoyed this episode, we'd love it if you could leave a rating and a review that would help others learn about this podcast. If you're interested in discovering more about you and your family's personality types, you'll find my book, Who is this Monster? or Treasure My House on Booktopia or Amazon. If you have an episode idea, please send a note.
to thepersonalitycoach at gmail.com. Many thanks to our producers at Stories and Strategies, and we'll see you next time.