John .
Irving .
Oh .
Yeah , he's in here , no , I was .
that's not the author John Irving . I love John Irving , Yeah , that's why I was like , oh , we're going to talk about John Irving today No he's got a new book out . I haven't got it for me from other , or my birthday or oh , sometime .
That's very sweet .
Someday I'll read it , because I can read still .
Can you find it difficult because I don't have the time ? Well , and I'm , you know , i'm working . I got personal shit . Yeah , twitter , i do that all day . And you know , i try and figure out what the fuck we're going to do on the podcast every week , which is it's not difficult Other than the fact that so much news breaks .
That , like , i'll have things in mind . But the closer we get to the day of whenever we record whatever day that happens to be more news breaks , then I'm like all right , we'll bump that thing Insert new , new Yeah .
So I kind of have to wait until we're almost ready to record it , and then editing this thing is it's not super time consuming but it does take . I mean , it's basically minute for minute . I have to listen to the whole thing as I edit it .
Or surely you have enough fans on Twitter that you could , you know , tell them get someone to edit it for free , for the privilege of getting to hear all of the the nah .
I wouldn't do that . And I mean I like editing it . It's not .
It's not a chore .
I actually enjoy it . Yeah , anyway , we got to do this real quick , so a really quick . Fuck Mary Kale , donald Trump , juliani the Stuart Rhodes go .
I'm going to marry Stuart Rhodes because he's going to be in prison and I won't have to fuck him Shit . I mean having heard what . I heard about Rudy and the Viagra . I'm going to , i'm going to kill him And I guess , fuck Trump , because it'll only last a second . I don't even know who you are anymore . Which one would you , i mean ?
I think , you had the right idea .
Fuck Stuart , because that's your , that's your ex .
That's fucked up .
I'm from a Paso man . We're all Eskimo sisters here .
Oh yeah , you're right , okay , absolutely So .
I'm going to fuck Stuart , i am going to kill Trump and I'm going to marry Juliani , because I can get him really , really drunk and I have some experience with getting them to go to sleep .
Okay , I'm going to marry Trump so I can divorce him and take half of the money that he got from the Saudis . I'm going to kill Rudy Giuliani because no one should ever touch that And I'm going to fuck Stuart Rose because I can just stick it in his eye socket .
This is the worst fuck Mary kill ever Hey this is D-Nite . This is Carol , this is Ty .
We're listening to the Pardon the Insurrection podcast , the podcast that confuses Republicans because they think we intend that to be literal . You know , it is intended to be irony and you motherfuckers are crazy .
Wait , so we have some Republican fans . I got a p Is it Ben Shapiro ? It's Ben Shapiro , isn't it ?
I'm pretty sure Ben Shapiro would hate this podcast , mostly because there's black people and women on it . You know two things that he's probably not fond of , and you know less . Well , i'm sure his wife is very fond of black people and possibly women . That might be why she married him .
I don't know , But I yes , I didn't have follow up material on Ben Shapiro .
Oh no , if you notice , there's a lot of small dick energy going around in the Republican Party right now . Yeah , yeah .
I also like seeing them just like fighting against each other , like was it like Laura Loomer hanging out with like far left protesters because they also they also don't like DeSantis and she's trying to sabotage DeSantis . I'm thinking anyone takes her seriously enough to like .
Anyway , though , i did see her interviewing some blacks for Trump , and their reasons seem to be mostly Well , I always love when the Republican Party is imploding and I'm sure that will just be quickly escalated Come the 2024 GOP primary . Anyway , let's get to the crazy ass insanity of the news cycle here , since we last were with you listeners .
First off , Bill Gates was being blackmailed by Jeffrey Epstein . That was fucking bonkers . Read up on that story . Just just go ahead and get out the old fashioned Google machine . pull that up . E Jean Carroll is seeking even more money and damages from Trump's continuing defamation of her , which was totally around and find out . I was totally expected .
You know , you lose a defamation suit .
Did you say tuck around ? No , oh fuck , i think I think around .
Tuck around and find out that I'm sorry , i'm talking his band on this podcast , just like Fox News . Yeah , it's insane that he like lost a defamation suit and like hours later , was on TV repeating the same things . That cost him five million dollars .
That is the definite , isn't that you know ? he's following the literal definition of insanity .
Yeah .
And expecting different results .
That's not really the definition , but yeah , I don't think he was expecting different results .
I think he just doesn't have the wherewithal to .
I mean I hope you know the extra five , 10 , 15 million dollars he's about to lose was worth it . It wasn't worth it to see an end . Their ratings are worse than Newsmax at this point .
Good .
Because they're never going to bring over far left people . I mean far right people .
Well , they're not going to bring over far left people at this point , since they're making Yeah .
That's why I was saying that they were never going to attract that audience . They will never have credibility with a conservative audience And not with a It's going to nobody like that too .
You know like they're literally pandering to Yeah .
No one is looking for what they're selling . The Manhattan DA , alvin Bragg , is weighing new criminal charges against Trump's EFO , allen Weisselberg . He might send his ass back to prison If he doesn't fucking agree to cooperate . I mean they should have just sent his ass to prison for longer than six months in the first place .
Jack Tashara is being held in pre-trial detention in his espionage case . You can pull up the Google machine as for reasons to why that is the case . He's a danger to society , apparently Gun fetishist , future mass shooter , if not for going to prison for the next 20 years .
The Supreme Court It took on the powers of the legislative branch , apparently because they want to do twice the work for half the pay . Well , i mean , i guess , twice the work for millions of dollars in pay under the table by right wing billionaires by gutting the Clean Water Act for reasons . That was insane .
What reasons Oh ?
yeah , just reasons , Vibes you know just vibes . Yeah , they just just on on vibes . Apparently , when Trump was president , his Department of Justice investigated the Clinton Foundation until literally the final days of his administration , so years and years And we're and the I'm sure those arrests are imminent right . Why don't you say that , carol ?
because they came up with nothing , as they always do .
I just can't wait to hear how they justify . You know how they're like . Well , they do buy like it was Biden's , and then just look over there , hunter Biden's laptop did it .
I mean it's . It's wild because John Durham wrote that entire report saying the Russia . The implications of the Durham report is that it's stupid . But what he was trying to say about the Russia investigation in his predication was that it should have been based on more solid evidence .
Well , there was absolutely no evidence whatsoever to have opened an investigation into the Clinton Foundation . So the irony Leak text messages link Ron DeSantis with Lef Parnas , who was indicted for funneling Russian money into GOP political campaigns . Yeah , that's a so doozy . Wonder how his campaign will face investigative scrutiny in the future .
Finding Willis is narrow . The timeframe for inditing Trump to mid August . Yep , mark your calendar's kids .
I don't have much going on in August , so you know that much in advance , Carol .
I mean , if it's what you say , I love it , especially late in the summer .
My July looks very busy , honestly So .
I do .
Well , we have something to look forward to . Okay , some , somehow , magically , the news is boring . In August of this year , stuart Rhodes receives an 18 year prison sentence after being found guilty of seditious conspiracy Contra fucking parties .
Not long enough , not nearly long enough , considering , i mean , you know how often , first of all , do we have guilt to dishes conspiracy , guilty verdicts , and then , just considering the nature of that fucking crime , i would say second only to treason , retrain in the country in a time of war and to only get 18 years .
It feels , i mean , i won't say it to slap on the wrist because that's a lot of fucking time . He's probably going to die in jail , thank God , but we could have went with 25 . It wouldn't have hurt .
Yeah , but what would you say about , like , he's not the top of the conspiracy ? What if he's getting 18 years ? What would the guy on the top of the conspiracy be getting ?
That's a good point . I hope he gets forever .
I mean , whatever he gets will be a life sentence for him .
Well , considering he's in his late seventies , I'm fairly sure any prison sentence of any amount of time will be a life sentence from you . You're correct in that .
Oh , that's what I meant .
In case you're wondering , we're talking about Donald Trump . Also with the help of Elon Musk , ron DeSantis had the least successful rollout of a presidential campaign in history , with a rapidly unscheduled disaster .
Yeah , the thing imploded .
You love that for him .
I love that . Where are you ? I know it's dark . I know because I'm laying down .
Okay , we got like 10 minutes of time left . Go , go , go .
Oh no , Well , I just thought you might want to like make fun of Ron DeSantis .
That's your kink right . See what I posted with my my um Alibondi got us meatball soup . Hang on , this is my meatball soup , or , as we like to call it , ron Baldicus .
That would make me want it less , though You lost me , ron .
Me balls a lot less .
Somebody , does somebody comment and they're like I don't know about , I've had a Bondicus . What are Ron Baldicus ?
We've just taken like the idea of putting anything remotely representing Ron DeSantis into my mouth just makes me .
I'm glad we .
You know what Next week he's going to be on . Fuck Mary , kill .
Oh .
Can I trade him ?
out for his wife . I can't even deal with that option to him and that crazy .
I mean she also . She seems like she's like Lady Macbeth over there right Um .
I don't really , how do I ask this in a not inappropriate Um , you probably can't , so just ask Yeah .
Do you think his wife is hot ? I mean not really , but more attractive than I find him .
Yeah , yeah , well , literally everyone is more . I would choose . Ooh , you know what ? I don't know if I would choose .
He seems like he would be a fucking dud in bed and she seems like a domineering bitch .
That would be different , you know oh Ty , you know how we feel about those kinds of relationships .
She's just not my , she's not my type , but I also . I know that there's something seriously fucking wrong with her .
Both of them .
I'm pretty sure that somebody at some time and she's evil .
They're made for each other .
And she gives me that vibe that she killed somebody because there is literally no information about her before . she works at the golf network And Casey isn't even her fucking name .
So is she just Russian ? She looks Russian She looks exactly like the like the head of the Russia today . Is that what RT stands for ?
Yeah , Russia today She might be , because when they talk about her cancer thing , like when Ed Krasenstein was doing his like I'm an Elon stand posturing And he said something about K Oh , don't , don't attack the family , whatever our political differences are , oh God , he drives me fucking nuts with that . I'm like you know what .
Those three months she had cancer , she didn't lose her eyebrows , she did lose her hair , she just disappeared . She was at the quote-unquote spa , as in Veep , when Selena Meyer would have her meltdown and go to the spa For like two or three months . I'm pretty sure that's where Casey is , and when we don't see her , i think that's where she is at the .
We can't really see you with the air quotes , but I can sense that you're doing them .
I was doing yeah , I was doing yeah wherever Ty is , it's Like bunny ears and .
I saw some waving around .
Yeah , and she's like holding up her fingers doing the the quotes thing , but it's difficult to make it dark And they're not .
I don't necessarily doubt that she had cancer but , yeah , there are like cryo caps that I write about . You could put them on and they keep your head really cold while you get chemo . So supposedly it won't you won't lose your hair or lose less hair because it I don't know . Yeah , i had no insight into that .
Yeah , she's very strange individual . They're both very strange . It's very weird . They got married at Disney World and now , like Rhonda Santis , is single-handedly trying to destroy Disney and his losing probably got in a fight with someone at the wedding and was like you'll see , you'll all see .
One day .
One day , you're all gonna see yeah , man , you know , look , not that I can't shame , but like if they were ever , if there was ever a couple , they'd be number two , right behind Ben Shapiro . Anyway , moving on , just as you can tell , it's been a wild week , wacky news cycle , Yeah and we skipped last week Because of me and my actions .
Last , week .
I was there for you guys , but I let the girls have the week off because they fucking earned it , they deserve it , they do thank you for letting me have the week .
I hope you don't cut my pay . I .
Have to be honest with you , like I would have cut your pay Any further than it all you money , you be . Yes , what's less than zero , carol ? Not that you're not worth all the money in the world , i just don't have any when people go below zero on jeopardy .
Do they have to pay back ?
I'm sure they don't , but like , oh , okay , on that note , carol . So no , when , ben , when Ben best wonder that the life and we were working on Things .
So I had an idea for a screenplay because I always like wonder when people go on like family feud and That person that wonders into the family , that gives like the stupidest fucking answers and loses it for everybody , like what's their life like when they go back home ? Like the guy that fucking ruined it . Like my mom and My aunt and my cousins .
They actually auditioned for Family feud at Steve Harvey came to Charlotte and it was some question that was so mundane and My cousin Anthony answered something and they literally all looked at him like , like , did you just say ? they cut that part out . But I was thinking , oh , what happens to that guy when he goes back to his small town ?
that he fucked up Family feud , like he fucked up his family , like winning . And so it was just like this My name is Earl type of comedy that I wrote of This guy , like going back home and having to like people are like throwing care , like every time he goes somewhere or whatever .
So that was just sidebar Those one of my creative are you thought way farther into jeopardy and the end family feud than I did .
That's me . As a writer , i think I'm like oh , what does that guy have to do with me ? So I know it's probably too much in-depth thought , but that's , that's where we are .
That's where Onto Rufi Giuliani . We didn't get to cover this last week because I was saving this for you too , so Rudy Giuliani is being sued by , i guess what you can call one of his former employees , even though he was doing his best not to pay her . There were some wacky , insane bonkers . There's revelations from that suit .
We'll go down a list of a number of them , starting with the fact that I believe our name is miss . Is it Duffy ? She's she , yeah , i know . Yeah , she revealed in in her civil suit against Giuliani the Trump and Giuliani had partnered together to sell two million dollar partons , splitting it 5050 with Trump . Yeah , we forgot about that quick .
That got erased from that from the news headlines very quickly , which is also ironic because I feel like the Department of Justice was investigating a pay for parton scheme in 2021 . You know again , a number of individuals In and outside of the government were asking Trump for partons on his way out , and this seems to back that up .
Yikes you . I like where this is going .
She also has information suggesting that Rudy Giuliani , in advance of the 2020 election , had already planned that if Trump were to lose , that they would claim there was massive voter fraud . So I mean , that's exactly what happened Trump lost and they immediately claimed a massive voter fraud . It's like I don't know a conspiracy or something He also forced .
this is where it gets kind of gross . warning you in advance .
Bring our warning sexual assault .
All right , If you , yeah , if you haven't cut the podcast off yet , here we go . It gets very disturbing at this point . He forced Ms Duffy into performing oral sex and intercourse Oh yeah .
You know , that is so gross And I like old man , but this is just too much .
Like former president , like lawyer , you like old man , but that's too much Way to take something so dark and twist it into something funny . I hate to laugh because sexual assault Oh she's so gross .
Sorry , I'm just reading . I'm still reading it .
He also demanded oral sex while on the phone from Ms Duffy , because he wanted to feel like Bill Clinton .
Oh well , first of all if you want to feel like Bill Clinton , you could like at least I don't know try and be charming and then you know , have the blow jobs , be consensual , yeah , and not like demand your employee do it , or you know , at the thread of being fired , i don't know .
Not not . Look , not that he doesn't have his other accusations of non-content anyway . No that .
Yeah , look , i look we . The podcast is not long enough for that , yeah those jobs should be consensual and social sex , and if you're someone's boss , you probably shouldn't be using your , the authority of your role in that dynamic to a core sex . I mean , i feel like at that point it's not even set , it's just anyway .
He also role played with her during sexual activities , suggesting that she behave as though she were his daughter . Yeah , that was . That was pretty fucking creepy there . Yeah , you know it's . It's funny because of course you know the right , the right wing is always accusing people of being pedophiles .
And here's your former America's mayor wanting to role play with an employee that she was his daughter And I don't know if that means he wants to have sex with his daughter .
But Oh dear , Probably there's a lot we can . You don't have time to get into that either .
Yeah , i don't want to get into the psychosexual Analyzation of Rudy Giuliani's kinks and his estranged daughter , who probably won't talk to him . Yeah , Oh , he did marry his cousin , so it's not like you know . banging his daughter would be far off .
Carol , you're so sweet Girl cheese .
Oh yeah , that girl cheese .
Girl cheese in the mail ?
Yeah , All right , that's the inside . No one knows what we're talking about . He also . It also appears that Giuliani had an anti-Semitic streak , saying that Carol , i don't .
He said that Jewish men are poorly endowed which . I'm going to say I've not found that to be true , but I have no insight into that , one way or another .
I had some really great fucking sex with my space lasers , so I don't know what the hell .
Oh yeah , i forgot You , the space laser community . Exactly They were blasting it and all up in you . So I guess you know you totally mistaken . And accusation He also .
He also Okay . He said Jewish people should get over Passover , because it was like 3000 years ago . Oh my God .
You need to laugh at that . This is not funny .
No , it's just funny because I'm picturing like his rambling incoherent And how he's just like . He's like the penguin When it was Danny DeVito Like And also get over the Passover like bro , for real Like what were we doing ? The Passover .
Get over the Passover , because it only happened once . And Charlton Heston ? you know what he did .
What the fuck ? Is he Egyptian or something ? It's like you ?
know , look , i don't know how to go . I'm sure he's probably like secretly telling people black people should get over slavery too . So you know , i just I mean , look , if you have an entire race of people celebrating being freed from slavery , i don't think you should ever get over that . You should always . Anyway . I don't know if the fuck his problem is .
That was some weird , crazy shit . He also says that black and Hispanic men hit women because it's quote in their culture . That was pretty fucking gross , especially as if , like , white men don't hit women . I don't even understand the implication there .
Exactly Right . Like do we not remember Brad fucking Pascal who fucking put hands on his wife , and police tackled him down Florida style ? Like him all hopped up on Budweiser not Bud Light , because that beer's apparently gay , but the other one Um Corey Lombowski too . Like he grabbed that reporter and there was all that like scandal with him .
I actually don't even remember that . Okay , that's quite insane that there's been so many stories of domestic abuse that I can't really figure out who was who .
Or Trump , who was alleged to have assaulted his wife .
Right , but yeah , there was a specific thing about Porter and he shouldn't have gotten a security clearance because he had the domestic violence thing on his record and that was just like . That was one of the scandals We never got any answers on . I mean it was just fucking wild . And then , look man , there's too much going on in the fucking Trump White House .
Like I can't remember it all , It was you . Listen to this podcast , listen to the shit we talk about every week . How is anyone supposed to keep up with all of this ? is bananas , Yeah , So after beyond that , apparently Rudy takes Viagra constantly . You know he takes it like vitamins or something is impotences .
God's well .
I look that is one thing we should do , like pass a national ban on Viagra to fuck with people in red states . That'll show him . Apparently he also fantasized about bondage and sadomasochism after watching the show Billions .
If any of you are familiar with the show Billions , there's a Very interesting dynamic between Paul G Amati's character What the fuck is his name ? I've never watched that show . Okay , well , you know . Look , you can read about the oral history of Billions .
I'm sorry they're pun intended , but ups , you had to see what kind of interesting things Rudy Giuliani was fantasizing about after that , which he wanted to reenact with his quote unquote employee . He also called her The B word and the C word , as well as Rudy slut during sex , the seven sex of the region . Oh my God , i'm never going to get another erection .
He was also drunk all the time , which I mean feels like par for the course . We've had numerous stories of Rudy's endless day drinking and butt dialing . Likes to mix the two instead of like alcohol and drugs . He likes to mix alcohol with but dialing , and he was also asking his employee for alcohol as early as 10 am .
So he got started you know it's five , five o'clock somewhere And among other things he asked her to quote one time . Fetch his alcohol and make sure he was a quote , functioning alcoholic .
So he wasn't . He was always seemed like he was fucking drunk . It was never like Oh , he's totally pulling it off . Like didn't you always think like this guy's drunk , what the fuck .
All righty .
So we're going to move on from this gross subject of Yeah , i just never want to think about anyone .
I never want to think about Rudy Giuliani having sex ever again . Just like Carol , please cleanse my palate of that horrifying mental imagery .
Just like Oh man Sunshine lollipops , it is quite wild how that story kind of just blew over .
No one talks about that anymore . It was a week ago , it was last week .
Yeah , I mean Because we're at overload . I've been at overload of information and bad news and shit , shit situations for like three years , four years years . I guess I wasn't paying attention then .
But also I'm sorry This is getting very graphic would point to his erect penis . Oh , it's so bad , so gross , ty , how you feel about this one ? He would point to his erect penis after taking Viagra and tell her he couldn't work until she took care of it . No ties Ty , sleeping peacefully in her sheets and giggles .
Colin , thank you so much for the sheets . They are fucking Awesome , and I'm just blowing your ass .
They are awesome . You like them too , because I got it . I have to admit this I don't usually splurge on sheets . They're nice So maybe , like my taste , you know , aren't well developed in the bed category , bedding category , least you know .
Anyway , that could go a number of different directions , but as far as the things that make your bed comfortable at night , i must admit these sheets are pretty fucking amazing , and I'm not saying that just because he gave them to us for free . They're actually really good They are , and .
I am like I get really , really warm at night and those sheets keep me cool , which is great because I don't have fucking So , I'm not So having that like it's it's . it feels so good , they are so cozy And I have insomnia . So laying in those sheets I'm able to like really relax and I love it . Thank you , colin .
Yeah , it's like wrapping yourself in love . Yes , All right . Yeah , All right . Kids pick up a set of sheets and you can have a wonderful evening of peaceful , relaxing , comforting sleep .
I also like them .
Yeah , thank you . Sheets and giggles , we'll see you in the next video .