Paper News Out Loud

Alternate Reality Productions•alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com

An absurdist news comedy that just might make you laugh. Come learn how the sun going supernova will impact your week and what to do if your children are magicked into cast iron skillets. Are you wondering how to put the ghosts in ghost peppers? We have the infusion recipe for you. There’s something for everyone on Paper News Out Loud.

Last refreshed: August 26th, 2025 at 4:41 AM ⓘ

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Episodes

Ep. 5 Ticketmaster: We Don’t Want Your Children

Before this episode, an old wife came and whispered all her tales to our newscasters before she disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving a heaping plate of dinner and a handmade blanket behind. Florence and Diane discuss the life hacks to end all life hacks. Diane discovers a new mode of transportation, and a friendly cave troll writes the newscasters a letter, requesting help with a social event. This is Paper News Out Loud. Knowledge for the episode provided by the following: Headline: https://...

Dec 06, 2017•43 min

Ep. 4 Plant Suit Riot

Want to hear a joke? Knock knock. Who’s there? Honeydew. Honeydew who? Honeydew you want to hear a garden joke! Diane teaches us all how to use plants to combat earthly pests and interdimensional space aliens. Florence wonders if one particular extinct cat could replace her beloved pet. And the newscasters learn that neither of them would make good cult leaders. This is Paper News Out Loud. Knowledge for the episode provided by the following: Headline: http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1zezGK/:1cfIz...

Dec 06, 2017•30 min

Ep. 3 The Comfort Zone

Hello, listeners. This is your favorite online product provider. We know you. We know when you’re sleeping. We know everything about you. *static noise* Sorry about that, listeners! Looks like the internet read our cookies and knew that we would be posting today so they wanted to send you a secret message. Florence ponders how often she needs toilet paper, Diane is inspired to create a t-shirt that states, “Desert animals need help too!” And the beloved ladies lend a hand to a listener who is st...

Dec 06, 2017•33 min

Ep. 2 Pumpkin Spice Marshmallows

We love you a latte. Wait, what? Is it too soon? False, it’s never too soon for pumpkin spice lattes. Florence and Diane wish PSLs Happy Birthday, Diane still wonders if she has enough friends to sit on a giant, flightless bird, and—once again—both of our favorite newscasters share their well-practiced tips for being weird. This is Paper News Out Loud. Knowledge for this episode provided by the following: Headline Story: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/09/15/love-it-or-hate-it-p...

Dec 06, 2017•27 min

Ep. 1 Netflix and Chill

What do Netflix, sea cows, and layer upon layer of makeup all have in common? They’re all in this episode, of course! Florence and Diane take you on a news-venture through time and space to discover secrets about Netflix… and themselves. Florence discovers the Netflix movies of her nightmares, Diane wonders if she has enough friends to fill an entire extinct sea mammal, and both wonder if they are really the best people to be giving advice about being attractive. This is Paper News Out Loud. Kno...

Dec 06, 2017•42 min

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