Paper Cuts - podcast cover

Paper Cuts

Have you SEEN the state of the papers today? PAPER CUTS has. In our thrice weekly podcast, some of Britain’s sharpest commentators and funniest comedians come together to look at the madness, the strangeness, the obsessions, and – occasionally – the brilliance of our national press. Host Miranda Sawyer is joined by journalists and comedians like Jonn Elledge, Grainne Maguire, Jacob Jarvis, Ava Santina, Jacob Hawley, Marcus Brigstocke, Coco Khan and many more. Illustrations by Modern Toss: https://moderntoss.com
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Episodes

The Sun’s woke police slam England’s new shirt – Elephants in Hyde Park – Yolk? Oh no! Creme Egg wars

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The shirt hits the fans. Nike’s ‘playful’ update on the newest England kits causes a completely proportional right wing meltdown. Trunk and disorderly. Botswana threatens to send 10,000 elephants to the UK. Plus – How do you eat yours? It’s Creme Egg season, and The Telegraph goes into full investigation mode. Miranda Sawyer is joined by Hits Radio and Noted podcast host Mary Mandefield and BAFTA nominated comedian Gráinne Maguire Help us to grow P...

Mar 22, 202435 minSeason 1Ep. 172

The Obama-Macron muscle-off - Is 90 the new 30? - Telegraph: “Death to self check outs!”

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Yes Sir! French President Macron goes full thirst trap on the front page of The Telegraph – and Obama’s getting praised for his flat tummy too. Late life crisis. The ninety-year-olds turning it around in their twilight years. Plus – Check you out! The Telegraph is taking on the big issues again: why self-checkouts are apparently terrible. Alex von Tunzelmann is joined by The Bunker podcast host Andrew Harrison and comedian Matt Green. Help us to gr...

Mar 21, 202434 minSeason 1Ep. 171

“Leave Kate alone!” says photo flogger – Are YOU having a quarter-life crisis? – Dress like your nan, say fashionistas

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Pap smear. Sneaky Kate photo snapper tells everyone else to leave the Princess alone. Smells like teen dispirit. The earth's burning, there’s a housing crisis but the papers are still wondering why young people aren’t as happy as their parents. Plus – Drop it like Grandma. Need style tips? Look to your gran. Miranda Sawyer is joined by journalist Jonn Elledge and comedian Esther Manito. Help us to grow Paper Cuts! Send this link to THREE mates and ...

Mar 20, 202434 minSeason 1Ep. 170

We've found Princess Kate! – Jeremy Clarkson vs. Jane Austen – Who cancelled guinea pigs?

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Well that settles that… or does it? The Sun has found Princess Kate outside a farmhouse in Windsor, but the masses are unconvinced. Sense and Insensibility. Jeremy Clarkson’s had a go at ‘boring’ Jane Austen and The Star isn’t having it. Plus – Gone with the Widows. Scottish Widows Group Limited told they can’t say widows any more. Help us to grow Paper Cuts! Send this link to THREE mates and tell them why we’re your favourite podcast: papercutssho...

Mar 19, 202428 minSeason 1Ep. 169

Bonkers Tories: 'Let's swap Rishi for Penny' – Men want big butts and we’ll tell you why – Romantic tales of ‘missed connections’

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Follow the leader? Is Penny Mordaunt about to topple Rishi Sunak? Oh the Cheek! Why men are working on bountiful booties. Plus – Love is in the airplane? The people brought together by missed connections ads. Miranda Sawyer is joined by i columnist Rebecca Reid and comedian Marcus Brigstocke. Help us to grow Paper Cuts! Send this link to THREE mates and tell them why we’re your favourite podcast: papercutsshow.co.uk Support Paper Cuts and get mugs,...

Mar 18, 202434 minSeason 1Ep. 168

Small votes crisis! No May election, says Sunak – Meghan launches tat for toffs – Are you a DINKWAD?

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Stag-nation. The May General election is OFF and we’re all bereft. Sparkle with Markle. The Duchess of Sussex teaches us how to make marmalade and more with her new “lifestyle brand”. Plus – Yeah, I’m a DINKWAD, wad of it? The Times has the scoop on the new social groups and we’re struggling to keep up. Miranda Sawyer is joined by reporter at PoliticsJOE Ava Santina and comedian and master impressionist for Dead Ringers Jan Ravens. Support Paper Cu...

Mar 15, 202432 minSeason 1Ep. 167

Why is America banning TikTok? – Would you go to sea on the Titanic 2? – “I’m so gorgeous I’ve never been dumped”

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Clock Is TikToking! The US is on the verge of banning TikTok over links to the Chinese Government. That sinking feeling. Australian billionaire wants to relaunch the Titanic and the reception is icy. Plus – Not like the other girls. The Mail’s women-are-rubbish correspondent Samantha Brick has never been dumped… because she’s just better than you. Alex von Tunzelmann is joined by host of Pod Save The UK Coco Khan and comedian Daniel Foxx. Support P...

Mar 14, 202431 minSeason 1Ep. 166

Tory moneyman’s race row – Lily Allen: “My kids ruined my career” – Vets have gone to the dogs

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Donor Kebabbed! The Guardian reveals more of Tory donor Frank Hester’s ‘jokes’ – and no one is laughing. Mum’s the word. Pop star Lily Allen says having kids ruined her career. Plus – Woof justice. Vet watchdog says bills are too high and the papers have the lead. Miranda Sawyer is joined by journalist Jonn Elledge of and comedian Rosie Holt. Support Paper Cuts and get mugs, t-shirts and extended ad-free editions: back.papercutsshow.com Follow Pape...

Mar 13, 202432 minSeason 1Ep. 165

Princess Kate says: “Soz, I'm rubbish at Photoshop!” – Does 30p Lee's flounce matter? – Could you work for a Scorpio?

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Picture Imperfect! The press jumps to the defence of amateur photographer Kate Middleton and we aren’t buying it. Lee’s done another runner. Former Labour councillor turned Conservative turned independent turns to Farage’s Reform UK in shock party swap. Plus – Not written in the stars. Gen Z are refusing to work with non-compatible star signs, which is so Gemini of them. Alex von Tunzelmann is joined by The Bunker podcast host Jacob Jarvis and come...

Mar 12, 202434 minSeason 1Ep. 164

Kate Middleton photoshop conspiracy – Who stole the show at the Oscars? – The Guardian investigates a crab museum

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Photo strop! A doctored photo of Kate Middleton sends the press reeling. That’s showbiz. The 2024 Oscars ran smoothly, but there were still some surprise winners. Plus – Feeling Crabby! The Guardian’s deep dive into Margate’s crab museum is exactly what we needed today. Miranda Sawyer is joined by The Critic’s Rob Hutton and comedian and actor Rich Fulcher Support Paper Cuts and get mugs, t-shirts and extended ad-free editions: back.papercutsshow.c...

Mar 11, 202433 minSeason 1Ep. 163

Hooray! The papers end sexism! – Dog eat dog at Crufts – Slay it ain’t so! Queer Eye feud

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: I’m every (international) Woman. It’s International Women’s day, so naturally the papers get women competing against one another. Barklife! Crufts is back and the papers have exactly as many dog photos as you’d want. Plus – Stink-Eye For the Queer Guy. Rolling Stone’s exposé of shenanigans at Queer Eye explains everything and we’re “totally here for it”. Miranda Sawyer is joined by host of Pod Save The UK Coco Khan and host of the Self Help podcast...

Mar 08, 202438 minSeason 1Ep. 162

The tabloids’ budget meltdown – The Times dives deep on Britain’s shagging habits – What's inside the Oscars goodie bags?

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: A budget budget for the budget conscious. Jeremy Hunt’s gave his (hopefully last) budget and the press are divided. The secret sex lives of the nation. We read The Times’ article on British bedroom habits so you don’t have to. Plus – A slice of cake and a novelty spoon! The Oscars goodie bags are… really underwhelming. Jacob Jarvis is joined by journalist Holly Thomas and the New Statesman’s Jonn Elledge. Support Paper Cuts and get mugs, t-shirts a...

Mar 07, 202436 minSeason 1Ep. 161

Cringe on the couch with the Sunaks – Sausage roll with the punches: The Times vs. Greggs – Red carpet moments gone wrong

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Keeping Up With The Sunaks. The PM and wife sit down with Grazia magazine for an interview that redefines the word “uncomfortable”. What’s the beef? The Times gets judgey about Greggs. Plus – Glitz and Clamour. The Guardian investigates why celebrity red carpet interviews are going off the rails. Miranda Sawyer is joined by TLDR News Lead Writer Ben Blissett and comedy writer Jason Hazeley. Support Paper Cuts and get mugs, t-shirts and extended ad-...

Mar 06, 202435 minSeason 1Ep. 160

Trump's lucky day in latest court ruling – Do you know who anyone on Celeb Big Brother is? – The mega-money 'pre-wedding' of the year

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Mourning in America. The US Supreme Court rules Donald Trump can run in every state. Hall of fame? ‘Celebrity’ Big Brother has started and we’re still trying to work out who the contestants are… Plus – Can’t buy me love! The Times and The Telegraph have the scoop on the latest celeb packed mega-wedding, which was actually a “pre-wedding”. Jacob Jarvis is joined by columnist Rebecca Reid and comedian Marcus Brigstocke. Support Paper Cuts and get mug...

Mar 05, 202436 minSeason 1Ep. 159

Sexts shame of Geri Spice’s F1 fella – Raye, Kylie and CMAT storm the Brits – “Flossing for erections”? The Telegraph’s mad sex tips

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: What a Raye day! Croydon’s ten-year overnight sensation conquers the Brits, plus Kylie saves the world and CMAT brings the “craic”. It’s Self-Doubt Monday! The papers are going to improve your brain, your weight and your sex life… whether you like it or not. Plus – Spice up your wife! The Daily Mail has the latest in Geri Halliwell’s relationship drama. Miranda Sawyer is joined by editor of Popbitch Chris Lochery and the wickedly talented comedian ...

Mar 04, 202440 minSeason 1Ep. 158

George Galloway runs away with Rochdale – Paul Mescal’s pub of love – The world’s weirdest wedding rituals

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Why election? George Galloway wins in Rochdale. Ugh. I wanna live like Normal People. A deep dive into screen hunk Paul Mescal’s love life. Kiss the bride? A load of weird wedding traditions make it in the Daily Star. Miranda Sawyer is joined by comedian Marcus Brigstocke and The Critic writer Rob Hutton. Support Paper Cuts and get mugs, t-shirts and extended ad-free editions: back.papercutsshow.com Follow Paper Cuts: • Twitter: https://twitter.com...

Mar 01, 202430 minSeason 1Ep. 157

Where is Kate Middleton? – GB News drives the Tories crazier – Don't worry Millennials, you'll be rich one day!

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Gone Girl. Key Royals are missing and The Daily Mail are terrified. News in name only. GB News is going out to the fringes and dragging the Conservative party with it. Plus – That’s rich. Survey says millennials will become “the richest ever” once their parents pop off. “In your dreams,” says angry Times writer. Andrew Harrison is joined by LBC Broadcaster Natasha Devon and comedian Fergus Craig. Support Paper Cuts and get mugs, t-shirts and extend...

Feb 29, 202436 minSeason 1Ep. 156

BBC, Huw Edwards and The Sun in blame-fest – Peppa Pig corrupts American youth – Taylor Swift is a satanist, says Boyzone star

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: How not to handle a scandal. The BBC apologises over the Huw Edwards scandal and The Sun is all over it. Telling Porkies? Americans think Peppa Pig is ruining their children and we’re confused. Plus – Anti-hero? Taylor Swift is accused of Satanic links by a member of… Boyzone? Miranda Sawyer is joined by journalist Jonn Elledge of The New Statesman and host of the I am Prime Minister Podcast comedian Matt Richardson. Support Paper Cuts and get mugs...

Feb 28, 202431 minSeason 1Ep. 155

Trump takes on Prince Harry – Jeremy Hunt’s tax cut conundrum – ‘I went to an orgy and didn’t shag’

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Royal Rumble. Donald Trump takes on Prince Harry in his latest bluster bust up. Let’s talk about Tax, Baby. Jeremy Hunt has been warned against tax cuts even though Tories are begging him. Plus – Just for research… Times journalist goes to an orgy and doesn’t get into the groove. Jacob Jarvis is joined by CNN contributor Holly Thomas and comedy writer Jason Hazeley. Support Paper Cuts and get mugs, t-shirts and extended ad-free editions: https://ba...

Feb 27, 202438 minSeason 1Ep. 154

Lee Anderson sparks latest Tory turmoil – Joe Biden’s saucy sex life – Bridget Jones is back. Why?

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today:Whip apart! 30p Lee Anderson has been suspended in the Tories’ latest Islamophobia row. All of the Papers have opinions. Plus – Shagger in Chief. Biden reveals the secret to a happy marriage is good sex, The Daily Mail blushes. A Bridget too far. The Telegraph is not excited about the return of Bridget Jones. Miranda Sawyer is joined by sketch writer for The Critic Rob Hutton and making his Paper Cuts debut: author and screenwriter John Niven. Suppo...

Feb 26, 202435 minSeason 1Ep. 153

Lettuce Liz goes mad in America – Barking Bad! Meet Joe Biden’s hell-hound – Are you too posh for Wetherspoon's?

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Lettuce to America. Five-minute Prime Minister Liz Truss meets even madder Republicans at C-PAC, the Glastonbury of American’s barmy Right. Canine Chaos. Joe Biden’s German Shepard is biting everything in sight and The Star is obsessed. Plus – Is your pub posh enough? The spectre of a new Wetherspoon's terrifies locals in an exclusive neighbourhood. Miranda Sawyer is joined by The Bunker Podcast host Jacob Jarvis and comedy writer Fergus Craig. Sup...

Feb 23, 202438 minSeason 1Ep. 153

Chaos in the Commons – Are the middle-class skint? – London’s new mega hotel for poshos

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Disorder, Disorder! The Commons speaker fights for his political life after Parliament descended into chaos. Plus – Stuck in the middle! The middle-class are struggling to get by, according to The Times… on sixty grand a year. Get a room! London’s BT Tower is to become a super sleek hotel – and we’re fascinated. Alex von Tunzelmann is joined by journalist Jonn Elledge of the New Statesman and comedy writer Jason Hazeley. Support Paper Cuts and get ...

Feb 22, 202434 minSeason 1Ep. 152

Prince William’s Gaza plea – Trolleyed? Spannered? How do you say “I’m drunk”? – Roll up for Elton’s car boot sale

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Prince’s Speech. The King in waiting weighs in on the Gaza crisis and the papers are shocked. You cabbaged mullard, you cheap nasty fluthered. The British have more words for being drunk than anyone else and we’re extremely patriotic about it. Plus – Trinket Man. Inside Elon John’s Christie’s auction. Miranda Sawyer is joined by The Bunker podcast host Andrew Harrison and comedian Ian Smith. Support Paper Cuts and get mugs, t-shirts and extende...

Feb 21, 202436 minSeason 1Ep. 151

David Cameron vs. dirty Russian money – Dad bods vs. lady bods – The Mail’s Liz Jones vs. reality

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Dirty cash convertors. The i explains how Lord Cameron is angering banks with plans for using dirty Russian money. Let’s get physical. Boffins at The Times have proof that women workout better than men. Plus – Bad Blood. Liz Jones is back in the Daily Mail to tell the world that she’s just like Taylor Swift and loves writing about her grudges. Miranda Sawyer is joined by Podmasters big mouth Jacob Jarvis and comedian Marcus Brigstocke. Support Pape...

Feb 20, 202436 minSeason 1Ep. 150

Bad Badenoch lays into Post Office ex-chairman – Barbenheimer row settled at the Baftas – The Star solves JFK mystery

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Lost in the post Kemi Badenoch picks a fight with ex-chair of the Post Office after she’s accused of delaying payouts to victims. Box office bomb Oppenheimer cleans up at the Baftas. Plus – Whodunnit? The Star has figured out who shot JFK. Alex Von Tunzlemann is joined by journalist Jonn Elledge and stand-up comic Matt Green. Support Paper Cuts and get mugs, t-shirts and extended ad-free editions: https://back.papercutsshow.com Follow Paper Cuts: •...

Feb 19, 202436 minSeason 1Ep. 149

Best of the Extra Bits

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: It’s the best of the extra bits! We’ve compiled some of the best subscriber only exclusive content. Knickers in a twist? Top 10 things YOU didn’t know about pants. I will always love you! The Guardian’s list of Dolly Parton songs is frankly… extremely heterosexual. Busting out the fancy crockery! Le Creuset is in trouble and we’re devastated. Kind Regards x. Why your email signature tells us everything about you. Teach it new tricks. The Guardian’s...

Feb 18, 202432 minSeason 2Ep. 1

Sunak double defeat as economy slumps – London’s train lines too ‘woke’ for Mail – Skint? Why not buy a private island?

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Just a little recession… Britain slips into a “technical recession”, and we’re confused. Off the rails. TFL has renamed London Overground Lines and some of the press are in a predictable rage. Plus – Isle be off, then. Would you live on a private island? Alex von Tunzelmann is joined by journalist John Crace of The Guardian and comedy writer Jason Hazeley. Support Paper Cuts and get mugs, t-shirts and extended ad-free editions: back.papercutsshow.c...

Feb 16, 202435 minSeason 1Ep. 148

Trump ally to David Cameron: “Kiss my ass” – Nigella vs Nutella – “I relived the worst wedding night ever”

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Apocalypse Soon! David Cameron and MAGA “hot mess” Marjorie Taylor Greene in spat over Ukraine spending and the papers are braced for war. Salman like you. The Mail has the scoop on the bizarre bromance between the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia and… Johnny Depp? Plus – Very berry, very vulgar. Nigella’s anti-Nutella fatwa gives the Times an excuse for the definitive guide to which foods are vulgar. Andrew Harrison is joined by journalist Holly Thoma...

Feb 15, 202441 minSeason 1Ep. 147

Harry and Meg’s ‘disgusting’ website – J.Lo’s absurd $20 million love letter – The Guardian ruins Valentine’s Day

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Meg-site drama. Harry and Meghan’s website rebrand causes another Royal rift and enrages the Daily Mail. When Jenny met Benny! Jennifer Lopez spilled the beans on her relationship with Ben Affleck to Vanity Fair. Plus – What’s love got to do with it? The Guardian celebrates Valentine's Day by ruining the concept of romance. Jacob Jarvis is joined by journalist Zing Tsjeng of Vice News and comedian Gráinne Maguire. Support Paper Cuts and get mugs, t...

Feb 14, 202434 minSeason 1Ep. 146

Labour chaos at cursed by-election – The weird world of erotic podcasts – Is it time to murder The Muppets?

We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: If you’re in a poll, stop digging. The Rochdale by-election is thrown into chaos as Labour dumps its candidate. We listened to ‘erotic podcasts’ so you don’t have to. Guardian journalist gets something sexy in their ear. Plus – The case against Miss Piggy. The i Paper wants to kill The Muppets. How dare they? Miranda Sawyer is joined by journalist Ben Blissett of the TLDR News and comedian Daniel Foxx. Support Paper Cuts and get mugs, t-shirts and ...

Feb 13, 202438 minSeason 1Ep. 145
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