¶ Water Bottle Woes and Red Flags
Welcome to Oversharing with Overvies . I'm Joe .
And I'm Matt .
And each week you can tune in to hear us respond to your voicemails , go in depth on our lives as content creators and hopefully leave you feeling even better than we found you .
With that being said , let's get to oversharing .
Do you want to talk about your water bottle usage ? Because ?
OK , well , I've been accused of breaking all the water bottles at that room .
OK , before we started recording , we started recording just so we could share this with you guys . Ok , matt had his water bottle . If you're watching on YouTube , you can see it . It is a hydro flask that he got in October . Ok , yes , it is just a few short months old . And he said man , I wish I would not have dented the bottom of this .
I dropped it off the counter and it dented one little corner of it . But now that one dent deformed the bottom so bad that it doesn't it rocks . You may use mine , it's OK . Yours has a jacked up top . I mean I could swap the top for your , but it's OK .
Yes , it's fine , anyway , ok . So then I asked him what is up with you and absolutely destroying water bottles and really just items you carry around with you in general .
And I just I resent that statement . I don't think that's true . I've dented this water bottle . Tell us about your water bottle . That was before this one . Ok , my one gallon water bottle jug thing . I did dent that , but that's because I was walking on the ice and I slipped and flew into the air and it went flying and that got dented .
OK , and the water bottle before that .
That was a plastic water bottle and over a year or two of use the bottom got cracked .
It was not two years , Do not try and stretch that , it was like 10 months . It was at least a year .
And you'd used it before that .
OK .
So I will give myself a year .
I'd like you to know , as you're saying , that you broke yours after a few months and you replaced it with your friends . Your buddy gave you another one .
My buddy's ex-wife's water bottle . That's what he gave me .
Right , and that one you broke too .
It's not broken , it's fully functional . Ok how many water ?
bottles have you had Not ? Like you don't hoard water bottles , Like you know how some people just own 800 water bottles . This is going to be Like you are actually going . You know the purpose is to reuse them .
They are being re . This is such bullshit . That's what I have to say about this . I'm being called out for a crime I didn't commit , and that is reckless water bottling , and it's just not true . Ok , you should be glad I'm using a water bottle , that's what we're going to go with . I don't know why . That's what I landed on . That was horrible .
Yeah , it really has nothing to do with you .
You should be lucky that I see the bar on the floor .
I do need to be drinking more water . I'm very dehydrated .
Yeah , Matt's had kind of a tough week .
Well , just weekend mostly . But yeah , my eye still . Can you be so dehydrated your eye hurts ?
I'm sure you can , but I doubt that's it . So you're kind of freaking me out . What do you think it is ? Do you have pink eye ? No , ok .
Is my eye pink ? Does it look unwell ? It's this one .
Your eyes look unwell all the time . To me , what does that mean ? They're just always bloodshot .
Oh , On YouTube . See if anything looks wrong . Zoom in .
I don't think that that's how that works , no , ok .
Always bloodshot ? I don't think they're always bloodshot .
They're bloodshot a lot . Should we start like what am ? I trying to say no , should we start diagnosing you via like WebMD ?
But not WebMD , just listeners .
OK .
Listeners , people watching YouTube . Just diagnose me with something that's not ADHD , Because I know I've got that .
I don't know . I just feel like your eyes can be on the more bloodshot side most of the time .
Yeah , we're contacts Like I feel , like your eyes are sensitive . I think they are relatively sensitive .
I don't mean that they're bloodshot all the time , I guess . I mean they are bloodshot frequently If something irritates them , they . They turn red . Yeah , like if you have any kind of irritant , like I don't know that I've ever really seen my eye red quite like yours have been .
Yeah , I think I have sensitive eyes and I think I abused them .
You , for sure , abused them .
Yeah , not a good combo .
No yeah . So I'm going to say it's probably not the dehydration .
I don't know that one eye aches . I'm so sorry , I should probably take a contact out where it glasses .
But we're already in . You should probably go to the doctor .
Well , yeah .
It's time .
It is time they sent me a text .
Yeah , they sent me a text too . We should go we should do it . Date day to the optometrist , which reminds us of how , last year , new Year's , we said we were going to go on dates . How many dates did you plan , matt ?
Did I plan one ? No , no .
No , the start of the podcast today . Is you just getting absolutely roasted ?
Yeah , so we're calling out water bottle habits , date habits . What else am I doing wrong in life ?
Well , I know it's really interesting . Is that the podcast topic ? No , absolutely not Stuff .
Matt does wrong . No , I'm OK with that that feels comfortable for me .
I'm not OK with that . Ok , I'm immediately uncomfortable . Whatever , it was funny when we were like I was joking and poking fun . Now that it's starting to get serious , I'm getting a little uncomfy . It's Matt accountability hour no .
No , what was ? What were you saying ?
I was saying that we posted a video on TikTok this weekend about your proposal to me . And I was trying to express that .
Every time I tell the story of Matt proposing and I tell the whole story I feel like it looks like such a red flag for Matt and that's what everyone has ever told me when I tell them the story in person , that don't follow us online or anything like that yeah , when you have the time to really explain it out . Everybody .
I tried to point out a few things in the TikTok , like as I'm filming talking in the entire comment section . It's like no Matt's a green flag and like defending you about how it's not a red flag . I don't know how . No matter what I say , you always are a green flag to people .
I'm the best . That's special . I'm the best . I'm inherently likeable . I think that's what it is . It is , I think the more I talk about it , the less so .
But you know , yeah , you're not allowed to say that you're likeable .
Well , you know , the more you say it , the less people , I think , agree with you .
Well , I don't think you need to tell people you likeable Like you walk around .
You're , just like I'm , the most likable person in the world . That person's not likable .
Well , yeah , but you're not doing that . No , but if I start . You're just giving me reasons why people are always like no matter what you say , matt green flag , they just assume the best of you at all times .
I love it . I'm a 6'2 white man . That's a good start . Never hurts .
Never hurts to be 6'2 male and white .
Yep college educated generally inoffensive . Yeah , no , I'm the best .
Gross no that is disgusting . Somebody's going to clip that and upload just that of you and you're going to get absolutely obliterated on the internet . It's fair , it's fair . I think it is fair .
You earned it . Play stupid games , win stupid prizes , I guess , that's kind of our motto , isn't it ? That's mine for sure . I love stupid games .
And you hate stupid prizes . Speaking of , do you just want to start with bad dad , mean mom . Bad dad , what's running up ? Matt played a stupid game and the last two days he's been winning a stupid prize .
That's true . It's a bad prize , really a punishment . Yeah , ok , ok . So our toddler got up . What was that ? 1030 ? So we put her to bed at 7 o'clock , 6 o'clock , whatever it was .
We were still watching a show .
We were watching a show , but getting ready for bed and she runs out and she's really cute . She cuddled with me and then she wanted me to take her back to bed and I had just started a game of FIFA and so I was like give me 10 minutes here .
When you say it out loud , does it feel ?
It was dumb at the time . I knew it was dumb at the time I watched it Singing out loud .
I watched it and said just give me a few minutes and I was like I get annoyed when you ask me to do that . Yeah , she's a toddler , and so I tried to tell her I'll take her back to bed .
Yeah , and when she has an idea of who's doing something , in this case me taking her to bed , she doesn't really want to hear other ideas .
Any other alternative plans are pretty much the worst thing that's ever happened , and so you saying you would take her to bed further dysregulated her , and then I ended up quitting the game halfway through anyway to take her to bed . So I really should have quit it right away .
But you waited like a while you tried .
I gave it a full half in .
FIFA .
Yeah , so that's like five , six minutes , whatever it was . For her to get really undone , and then she got really mad , and then I took her to bed and then Matt got absolutely got his butt absolutely whooped . Yeah , and then for two and a half hours , every 15 minutes , I would get her to bed .
She would be laying there with her eyes closed , I would get out of bed and then she would wake up I mean five to 10 minutes later and then run out of her bed and come find me and I think her expectation was that I sleep in her bed . But it's a twin and so we don't really both fit in there very well .
She again , six to she wanted me to have nothing to do with it .
No , she wanted dad there the entire time . So that was about 12.30 to 2.45 . Every 15 minutes she was getting me , and about the eighth or ninth time I was really not having a lot of patience for it and was very , very , very tired . Yeah , so that wasn't a great dad moment , but then , you know , she woke up at 6.45 or whatever .
So I slept from 3 am to 6.45 , maybe , and that was not enough sleep and I've been . Yeah , so many things happened , Matt made he played dumb games .
anyone dumb prizes in unison ?
Yes , yes , yeah .
And I just got to sit back and giggle .
I mean , I think it was less funny because I was so out of commission yesterday that it was an active detriment to the entire family .
but Well , I took the whole family out .
Yeah , well , it was . Yeah , I was operating as though I had a hangover , except I was just really tired and I had a stomach bug , and so I was tired and became progressively more dehydrated through the day , and so today I'm less tired . I went to bed at I don't know , nine , eight , 30 .
Eight , 30? , eight 30 , you've not gone to bed that early since you were 12 years old .
Like I hate going to bed early .
Why Wait ?
that's interesting .
I'd like to get more into that .
I think it's you know our toddler doesn't like to go to bed early . I continue to feel that way . What do you mean ? I don't understand . I don't wanna miss out On what I don't know . It's only us ? Yeah , just my time by myself , or just free time ?
Isn't there a name for that ?
Yeah . Like it's like you don't feel like you're utilizing your time adequately during the day , so you yeah , you're trying to reclaim time by just doing nothing and not going to bed and ruining your sleep . Somebody out there screaming the name of this and I don't remember it .
But Psychologically , I think it's just a big F you to yourself .
Yeah , yeah , I have a few of those , but yeah , yeah . So I was very tired , went to bed at nine . I'm feeling better on sleep , but I'm still not fully rehydrated and that's why I think my eye is falling out .
Yeah .
Also , my legs were completely cramped to death because I did a terrible workout last Thursday Terrible , terrible workout .
Speaking of workouts , see look this today's flowing we're doing it . We're doing it . We're just , things are hot . Let's talk about how we no longer are .
We're no longer working out . No , hot , oh no , oh , my goodness , guys , we made the mistake . So here's the problem when you make content online and you've done it for a few years , you can like go back in time , yeah , and see video of yourself , a lot of video of yourself from four years ago and it turns out it was violent , it was not good .
So we thought we were aging well and I think we're doing fine .
We're not aging well .
Well , okay , no .
Okay , it's horrible .
¶ Reflection on Aging and Dance Progress
I thought I looked pretty good . I was pretty content .
Yeah . It's horrible , it turns out we used to be hot , like we used to look really good , and now we just we look good , look all right , but we have not . We haven't aged well .
Things are not going well for me . I can tell you that . No , I don't even think I look . I don't know that I think I look bad . I just looked so healthy , like that's the big difference . It's not that I look back . I want to note that because you .
That's a good point .
You would think that I look back and I go oh my gosh , I was so like . I feel like a lot of people are drawn toward . I was skinny , or I was I liked my hair or my skin , or I genuinely just all around look healthier .
We looked vibrant . Yes , yeah we were like alive .
Yes , we don't look that way right now .
And then we take video . Now we're like , wow , those people look beaten down , they look tired , which I am tired of .
2024 is the year that we reclaim the vibrancy .
Yeah , I think maybe once a week or so we need to look at video of ourselves and be like look at those two happy , healthy people . Let's work on that , it's definitely motivating .
I ate a very healthy breakfast this morning . I haven't gotten into any fitness today , but Matt and I are planning to learn to dance and I feel like that alone .
I mean it takes us like an hour , so usually that is an hour of hard work .
It normally is like quite a bit of movement .
Yes , yeah , I mean again , and we're not fast . People that you see , do like dances online . I don't think most of them are taking 45 minutes plus , yeah , but we are , and so we are exhausted by the end .
Yeah , it usually takes us a good hour to learn it , If people are ever like wow .
Matt looks really sweaty in this final take of this video . It's because he's done it 15 to 20 times .
Yeah , and it's not me going , not good enough . I just want to clarify . Sometimes , right , sometimes I don't like how I look .
Yeah .
But I don't think there's ever been a time that I've been like yeah , matt , you look bad doing it .
No , that doesn't bother me .
You've asked to re-record because you like to commit .
Yeah , once I've committed to learning the dance , I would like to be the best to ever do it , and that's not really in my bag as a dancer . But I refuse to be truly terrible at it and I have a pretty warped sense of what's good and terrible . So yeah . I demand more out of myself than someone who has no dance training .
We're definitely not very good dancers .
No , no , no no .
But we have a lot of fun . Yeah , we do . I think that is actually one of my favorite things that we do .
Yeah , yeah , it's a good like just a team building activity . It's a good team , you know .
We run our house . We run our house called like a corporate office .
Yeah , it's a corporate , and now we're going on the ropes course , do you think ?
you guys trust each other .
We're in business together . We do trust falls , we do . Yeah , I have never once done a trust fall . No , I don't think you trust me enough to trust fall .
I don't think I could catch you .
That's a concern . I don't trust myself to catch you . I would commit , I would let you try to catch me .
I feel like you'd be pretty like heavy , just dead weight , falling backward right .
I don't know , don't you think that would knock me over ? I don't know , how strong are you ?
Not very OK .
Well , maybe I used to be stronger .
I have been working out , you have been working out . I have been lifting weights .
That's true . We did that dance where you had to catch me .
That didn't go well .
No , that's because our , but I think that was a personal problem . Yeah .
I don't think that was a strength issue .
I think that was just an overall form and Well , it was a technique issue to begin with , but then still catching me , I think was difficult .
Yeah , but like I watched a lot of people do it with a lot smaller women and a lot bigger men , Were they bigger men . Ok , a lot smaller women with comparable sized men . Ok , and they were fine , so maybe they're stronger than me .
Or maybe they didn't show you all the takes , where they got absolutely obliterated .
I doubt it .
I don't know . I think it happened out there . People just weren't sharing the evidence .
I'm sure that it did happen . I'm not stating it didn't happen .
OK , ok Fine .
Although our dancing video from last week , people are realizing for maybe the first time ever that you're not small .
People think I'm small .
Yeah .
I thought people just thought I was like average .
No , people think you're small , they think I'm small .
Yeah , oh , ok , interesting . They think , well , I'm not lying about the 6'2" guys . I actually am 6'2" .
They think I'm small too Like . They think you're like 5'8" , 5'9" . Ok , I guess average , yeah , yeah , but they think I'm like 5'4" .
Why .
I don't know .
We're just , we're broad .
But then you standing in front of me for a video , because you always , matt likes to look smaller .
No . I like to not be the focus of the dancing because I'm not good at it .
It's not just dancing , it's when we film in general . Ah , I guess so You're always behind me .
I like to be further away from the camera . I don't like looking at myself in there .
Right .
I'm not loving what I'm seeing right now .
You like to be smaller .
It's not , I don't it's not about smaller , though it's just like I want to see myself less . It's different , it's different , I promise .
Okay , what do you see ? Less Something that is smaller or something that is bigger ? Sure .
I'm just saying the goal isn't for me to be like little . I'm not saying I'm not like I want to see all of me , but little . I want you to make me look tiny .
I didn't say that .
No , that's your goal .
No , we're not talking about me , oh wow .
Head and nerve .
No , because I'm at the front of the camera always and you hate it . I no , I don't hate it , I would prefer to look smaller . But I don't get to look smaller . Fine , because you don't like to look at yourself .
Yeah , and I have put my preferences aside so that you can always be so that I can be a little bitty A wee-wittle boy A wee-wittle boy in the back .
Thank you . You're welcome , that's all I've ever wanted .
I know .
Yeah .
No , it was really- . That dance was exciting for me , being I was like , look , he's not actually the same size as me .
Yeah , we have the same size hands . We do , which is odd .
It is odd .
They are- .
Can they see it in the video ? I don't know . Turn them .
That should be good . Turn them out . I was gonna turn them . We've got our hands okay , my arm doesn't go that way . Ow ow , and you went the wrong way . Okay , ow . Well , on that note Now that I've torn my rotator cuff .
Do we want to update them on anything else from the week ? Did anything interesting happen other than your violent bad dad ?
Other than my hangover . That wasn't my hangover , I said violent bad dad like you were violent . Yeah , like I beat my kids .
Yeah , you were not violent . It was definitely a play dumb games when dumb prizes .
It was bad . Yeah , I didn't get enough sleep because I messed up . Yeah , what was your bad ? Mom , me mom , sorry .
I don't know , I didn't come to the table . Oh , I have one . You only came prepared with a bad dad . No , no , no , I have one . I forgot to take ours one year pictures . Oh , okay , that was my , because I wanted to do it the day of his birthday and we like it . Just it didn't happen .
Yeah , and so then I told myself the last two weeks that every day I was like I'm going to do that , I'm going to do that . And I finally did it this morning . Oh , good job , thanks . Nice . But mean mom didn't get one year picks . It's one year and two weeks .
We did it during our our Sam's Club trip .
Yeah .
She had fun . Good , we had to get dog food , so that was the big agenda .
Yeah , she loves Sam's Club , she loves shopping .
She loves the store , which I did too . When I was a little kid , my mom was like whenever you were really dysregulated , she would take me to Target and just walk around the store with me in the cart . That's so funny . Yeah , I loved it there . I loved the things and the stuff and the people . So , as our kid , she's just a little little version of me .
You still like Target ?
Yeah , I still like going to the stores . Yeah , you don't like shopping , I don't . You hate shopping I a little bit Now . You really hate online shopping , I do .
Yes .
So if you're going to shop , you'd prefer
¶ Online Shopping, Healthy Lifestyle and Marriage
to shop in person .
It actually really shocks me that online shopping is as popular . Like you know what I mean . Like all anybody does Like . When people are like , yeah , I get boxes all the time , I'm like I know I do remember the last thing I ordered online . I was like I don't remember the last thing I ordered online . I do Workout clothes . Nope , victoria Paris .
I ordered one of the things from her jewelry collaboration collection .
That's right , that's right and that was what I feel like that's a little more specific , though , like you're not going to find that in a store ? In the store , no , exactly , but that's the only time I only buy things online if you can't buy them in a store . 100% , just 100% of the time 100% .
Yeah , I do not thrive , although I have been . We have two very fancy weddings coming up this summer and I need to order dresses and I think I'm going to have to order something online for them and I'm nervous . I want to find something I feel really good in , but after going through all the old footage of us , I'm feeling a little hard on myself .
Yeah , when are they ?
Once in .
May how long do we ?
have About two months in June .
It's almost March , so we got two months to whip ourselves into shape .
I'm not trying to whip myself into shape , I'm not doing that . Oh okay , I'm not saying that I'm not going to like .
That's something that I have really worked against doing , because I feel like in my early to mid-20s I did a lot of moving to really unhealthy habits and then deciding like that like well , I have two months , I got to get myself into shape and I got to look great and I would spend two months being really extreme but not really changing any of my habits I
love extreme and then I would fall off the wagon and like I don't want to be like that , I just want to cultivate a healthy lifestyle that I am content with . That doesn't feel like I'm doing anything special and I really feel like over the last year I have been moving in that direction .
You've been doing , yeah , you've definitely been doing better .
Like I don't think that , my , I don't think I look a ton healthier , but I think I feel healthier and I think , in time , as I continue to add small things , I imagine my apparent words , appearance will evolve with that , or evolve . And this is what I look like and that's okay .
Food's a big part of it . It's something we're we're working on in this household in general improving .
What's weird is we really don't eat poorly but we also don't eat well .
No , we don't eat a lot of like good whole foods and we don't have a lot of good routines around food , and so , um yeah , we're not actively eating terrible , but we're not making conscious choices regularly and routinely to eat well . And we have the ability to , so we should .
Yeah , I agree .
Yeah , I love extreme routines . You do , I , I , you know . I personally believe you should just be able to change something entirely overnight . Well and forever .
Do you feel like that serves you ? No , not at all .
Okay , I don't either .
That's . I thought that .
I was just curious . No , because then you slip up once and you're like well , I'm a complete failure and I'll never be able to do it .
That's the part I don't get .
Yeah , yeah , you're like well , I tried to change my entire lifestyle .
Do you think that that's ADHD ? It's something .
It's something chemistry related .
Okay .
Yeah , that's a little extreme black and white thinking . That's a classic ASD symptom . Okay , symptom , is it a symptom Um ?
I don't think symptoms , the word yeah , it's not a disease .
Yeah , like a trait . Yeah , a trait of being on the spectrum can be black and white , thinking Very . And then you're like well , I don't know if this is right or this is right , unless it's feelings , and then those are all gray .
We talked about this recently . Yeah , yeah , we did .
Yeah . Yeah , my feelings are completely vague . I can't identify any of them and I filter them all through anger .
And then everything else is black and white .
Yeah , and then every other thing in life is like yes or no . Oh , that wasn't correct . Well then it was wrong .
Yeah , that's something I'm really learning , like we've been married for almost five years and we should do an episode about that . Yeah , maybe we could do like five the five things we learned in five years of marriage .
Okay , guys , that's gonna be coming up . We should probably write that down .
I will write it down , I'll put it in the calendar , but I think one of the biggest things I've learned in the five years that we've been married is what you just said , where , if I tell you something's , wait what did ?
you say Like , if something's not right , like hey , I Need you to do this differently .
Yeah , that what you did was wrong yeah .
Yeah , my own personal trauma is like oh well , you're a bad person and you did that wrong , and you're , you're bad .
Right , like if I have a way that I prefer the bed be made and like Matt makes the bed , not that way , like he makes it how he makes it , and I want to come . I'm like , wow , I'm really grateful that he made the bed . I want to communicate to him that I would like the pillows to be in this order , though .
If you're grateful , part goes right out the window . Yeah , and hear that that doesn't matter . I'm only validating myself internally . And then I hear you made the bed wrong , you stupid son of a bitch .
Yeah , yeah . And then I've always been really shocked because , like , for the first few years you were married . Even now I'm still not great at it . I was really shocked because I would come with something like that . I'm like , wow , thank you so much for making the bed , but you didn't set up the pillows how I do , which is fine .
It looks great , but I really would prefer to do it the way that I ordered the pillows . Can I show you and you just like melt ?
like I guess I'll never do the bed again , got it ?
And I'm like what , yeah , just Happened it's not productive . No , I feel like you've really you've come a long way .
I've I've tried to adjust a lot of that behavior and thinking , but it's still . It still pops up .
Well , I feel like I've come a long way and like Understanding it to . Yeah , like I'm not , as because at the time I was just like it would throw me and then you're like why did you quit like yeah , why have you ? Never made the bed again . Like that was so great . You're like well , you told me I was stupid .
No , yeah , it's like yeah , I can't do it . No , I didn't do it right , so I figured you didn't want me to do it ever again because I'm bad , it's a whole thing . I'm in therapy , don't worry a whole thing .
All right . Reads of the week . Yeah , what's Gregman reading this week ?
Greg's , your dad . He sends us articles , and this is Greg's reads of the week , and so we rate the article titles , not the articles themselves , on a one to five scale . How much anxiety the titles give us , so lay it on us .
Okay , number one . We're only doing three titles . Yeah , we've started doing that .
So yeah , we've cut it down to three because there were some people enjoyed it on the whole , but there are people that like please stop reading me anxiety-inducing articles .
Opinion . Your 401k will be gone within a decade .
Okay , I mean as a title it's a five , I guess yeah , yeah that's the title is terrible . I can't imagine that that is entirely accurate . Like what is it that 401k accounts are going on a vogue .
They're trying to like the government going against them because they feel like they're not Getting their theirs . Oh , with taxes on account of the tax right so let's focus on all of our citizens , not the billions of dollars corporations aren't getting taxed on yes , it's important to claw it back from the the citizens , correct and not .
Not that the corporations aren't owned and run by citizens , but well , but they're so good it's like spending the money efficiently . Don't you feel like that money it's just all going to all their employees .
For sure it trickled down . Yeah , that economics it's worked .
It's always work years right yeah okay , number two I've spent 25 years studying the brain . I never do these four things that destroy our memory as we age .
Oh , Two out of five . I'm not that worried about it . Whoa , what was that face ? Did you read this ? No , I didn't . Is it all the things I do literally ?
number one multi-tasking too much . Oh , oh number two , not prioritizing quality sleep .
So the intro to the podcast got it number three monotonous activities .
Oh no , number four being overconfident in your ability to remember .
Okay , so when am I getting dementia ?
Like yesterday already . Yeah , you're gonna have to go read that one because I think that might be a little enlightening to . I actually did learn in reading that that what I do when I like make our photo albums , and I go back and I do all that's really good for my memory .
That makes sense . Yeah , you're . You're like studying for memory yeah . Not me . I only live in the present .
I don't know you don't even do you .
Well , you know , if I am living , I'm living in the present .
I love it .
Yeah , I'm so bad like I don't . I don't Think about the future and I don't think about the past , and If I am thinking , I don't feel like like . I think that's true .
No , I think there are a lot of things I hear you say about how you are that makes me realize that , while I think you're a really good critical thinker when it comes to Everything outside of you , that you might be the least self-aware person of all time Self-critical , not self-aware , yeah . Yeah , oh yeah , we just talked about that . Do you want to tell ?
Tell everybody about it .
Yeah , so we , we , we're looking at I have no idea or something .
Oh it's probably tick-tock .
I bet it was a tick-tock that you got served About the difference between a lot of people think they're so 90% of people think that they are self-aware and really only 10 to 20% whatever the opposite number is are actually self-aware . Because the difference in being self-aware and of being , what was the word ? Self-critical ? Was it self-critical ?
Yes , oh , it was self-intellectualizing . Oh , look at that memory boom . I yeah exactly that multi . It's coming in handy ? No , yeah . So it's , instead of being self-aware , yourself Intellectualizing , and so that's asking yourself Well , why am I this way ? What made me do that ?
That's not self-aware , that's being critical and trying to make your feelings and make your thoughts strictly logical or reason with them . And self-aware is understanding what you want and Understanding your feelings . Like truly more motivation , wise , and like where you want to go and what you want to do .
Well , and also how your actions impact others .
Yeah , yeah . So self-intellectualizing is asking why , and Self-awareness is more asking what , what do I want , what do I like ? Wear , yeah , that kind of stuff .
Hmm . So , anyway , we talked about it at length .
Why is not a self-awareness thing ?
Matt decided that he is not actually .
No .
All I ask myself is why yeah , so I think that I do both .
Yeah , I mean , I think everyone has Both . I don't know that anyone is perfectly self-aware all the time , but I would say you're all the time . Yeah , all of us . That's why the world's perfect if you think that you might not be self-aware .
How did a nine to five salary for baby boomers compared to what millennials make today ? Question mark .
Anxiety as an article like a one , because it doesn't .
Zero out of five . Yeah , it doesn't really matter . Yeah .
But as a discussion it tends to crop up a lot of animosity .
This one , I think , was like an olive branch kind of article , because I did go read it and it was pretty much like , yeah , millennials can't do anything . No no , because it was saying that for baby boomers at age 40 , their average salary was $39,000 , and the average price of a home , I think , was $19,000 .
And for millennials that are now age 40 , on average they're making $49,000 , and the average price of a home is $449,000 .
I was hoping it was at least double the number you said , and I knew what the house was going to be .
Yeah .
So it's yeah , not great .
And so it was really interesting . It talked a little bit about how older generations are very critical of us having iPhones and us like how expensive that stuff is and that we all own it .
Well , that's because that's the only thing they have to buy now . They already own the houses and stuff , so the only thing their money goes to is consumer goods now .
Right , but it was critical about . A lot of baby boomers talk to millennials and say they can't buy houses . They can't do these things because they own the iPhone , because they have all these material things .
Yeah , it's the toast , the avocado toast .
we all know that yeah , but looking statistically that that's not really the case .
Yeah , the math doesn't really pan out there .
But it does give you a fun little thing to fixate on .
Yeah , you don't make enough avocado toast in a year . If they didn't own all this nice stuff .
Then they could own homes and it's like , well , maybe some people there might be , you know , yeah , if you're buying bushels of avocado toast a month . But I'm going to say , most of the people that are owning a lot of material goods probably already own a home too .
Yeah , I also take a little bit of an umbridge with the idea that just 40 , 50 years ago , everyone was just smarter and better , like just as a whole , like everyone was making better choices just as a generation , as though they also didn't know what they were doing Right and just lived in a time that it was more feasible .
But it gets talked about as though like , oh well , we were geniuses and you idiots . Well , and we worked harder , yeah we worked harder and we're smarter , and you dumb-dumbs are just spending all your money on phones and toast .
Yeah , it's because you guys were in the trophy generation . You just got a trophy for anything and like , from all these participation trophies from us , because we didn't want you to feel bad , to make you feel better because we didn't feel good when we were kids . Now you feel too good .
Yeah , you just buy yourself all the trophies in the world . Yeah , good stuff . Like your voice .
Click that Okay , are we ready for
¶ Transitioning to Two Children
some voicemail ? Let's do some voicemails . We didn't order the week .
Did you come prepared ? Are you familiar with the word umbridge ? We've probably done it . Umbridge Like Dolores , like exactly , exactly . You know , I just said I take umbridge with that . I'll get a formal definition for you . Yeah , I just used context clues .
Yeah , yeah , I do a lot of context clues . Somebody taught me what context clues meant in like fourth grade and I was like , great , that's what I'm doing the rest of forever and I've never asked what a word meant , ever . Yeah .
Yeah Well , apologies if we've done umbridge , but I don't think so . The definition is offense or annoyance . She took umbridge at his remarks . It's usually like took umbridge as a phrase .
Oh .
So I took offense or I took annoyance .
That makes sense being Dolores's last name , for sure .
For sure .
Is that how it's spelled ? Is it spelled the same Can ?
I see U-M-B-R-A-G-E .
Oh no , it's not .
Oh , hers is bridge , yeah , hers is umbridge , yeah , yeah , maybe it's a little play on words .
Yeah , maybe .
Yeah , the archaic definition is shade or shadow , especially as cast by trees . Ooh , it's spooky .
I kind of like that better .
Yeah , it doesn't have a use for that in a sentence . There's some real umbridge back here . Yeah , we have umbridge behind our house , yeah . And that sounds super dumb .
I like that . I'm going to start and that's .
She's going to start using the archaic definitions of words . People are like , oh no , one's used it that way for 200 years . But that's how Joe's doing it .
Yeah , well , do you think it makes me look cool ?
Oh , for sure , very , very cool .
Yeah , okay , very , very cool . Good , I mean , you did learn some Latin , that's okay . So it's right in your wheelhouse .
Look see , okay , look see , yes . So if anyone just needs to say look see , in Latin , you got it , because that's all she can say .
Yep , and I'll never let it go . I feel like that's going to end up being like . That was a bit in my sixth grade Latin class and I feel like it's about to be a bit on the bottom .
It's been a bit for 20 years . Yeah , what are you talking about ?
Look see , yeah , there was a stick man .
She remembers it vividly . It's that memory .
Well , it's because I did the video for our eighth grade graduation and I put EK like the .
EK man , ek man yeah , that's what we call them . I know it was . Yeah , I remember hearing all about this in high school .
Yeah , well , that's because there was like a group we all talk . I didn't just talk about it that much .
No , okay , it was like it was an inside joke , if you will .
Yeah , okay , well , voicemails .
Let's do it .
Hi Jo and Matt . My name is Jessica . First off , I wanted to say I love the podcast . I have been an avid listener for a year now and it is my favorite day of the week when the Oversharing podcast comes out . I have two questions for you . A little backstory I am currently pregnant with our second child , our first boy .
I am about eight and a half months pregnant , so countdown is on , and our daughter will be 21 , 22-ish months old when he is here . Two questions for you . One what is the biggest tip you have when transitioning from one to two kiddos ?
The transition from zero to one was fairly easy for us as we were super ready and prepared for kids and I'm a preschool teacher and all the things . However , the transition from one to two just seems very daunting to me and I just want to know all the tips you have for that transition .
Second one what is the biggest difference you see when raising a boy versus raising a girl ? Our daughter is the girliest girl you've ever met . She loves playing , pretend , makeup , princesses , all the things . But what is the biggest difference you see in boys versus girls ? Thank you so much for your response and I hope you have a wonderful day . Bye .
Two good questions .
¶ Managing Life Changes and Grief
I don't really have any big tips for going from one to two . I think going zero to one is harder , just because it uproots your entire life . Yeah , a total lifestyle change .
Like having no kids . One to two for us was definitely easier because it was not . When you have no kids and then you have a kid , you have to change your plans around . Oh , what are we doing ?
with our child . What is ?
that like , if we're going out , do we have a babysitter or whatever ? With two kids , you are used to having a child at home .
I think the biggest thing that we did that was really helpful is prepare and have everything organized at home .
Yeah , especially since you've done it once before you've got a better feel for what do you need and what do you not need , and so once you've had a child , you'll know those things for yourself and you can apply them directly to having that .
The tough part is that your time is split in half and you're going to have a two-year-old that wants attention and can't always have it from .
Our age gap was really similar , though around that Ours are 20 months apart and the nice part about them being that close is I feel like our daughter wasn't really phased by adding a brother for her . It's almost as if he was always there . Yeah , it wasn't like that .
Yeah , she didn't have a ton of I mean , she had her whole life , but her whole life was a year and a half plus of not having someone else there , and so it wasn't super hard . I know , if you add them older , it can be like , hey , we've always been doing this thing , like you and I , and now this guy is in the mix and I'm not loving it .
She was good , she was excited , and so I think some of it is preparing your child that you have now for an added sibling and then beyond that . I don't know , it was not . I don't know if we have great tips .
No , because it was really smooth for us . I feel like the first couple months were hard , just the being up at night and the nursing schedule and all that . But that's more newborn stuff that you already experienced once . Like I don't think it was harder because we already had a toddler . Like I think that that season is just kind of difficult .
That's true , you know what . But to that point the hard part , and I don't know how much you can do to really prepare for it . Maybe you can plan some activities or something ahead of time , but with one kid that first newborn phase you don't get enough sleep .
You can sleep during the day or you can catch up on things that's harder to do with another kid in the mix that maybe doesn't sleep 16 hours a day , or 18 hours a day , or however many are newborn . That is the part that you have to manage your time better when you have to , for sure , but I don't know if that's really a tip .
As for the boys versus girls comment , I feel like I'm curious . I don't know that I've ever asked you that , matt , so I'll let you share your opinion after I've shared .
But my hot take is I really don't think it's different in the way people talk about it being different , because in my belief of the world , I don't see it as the big difference between being . I don't see the big difference being between being a boy and being a girl . I think it's much more complex than that .
I think that there are differences between people as a whole , no matter if we had two daughters , if we have a son and a daughter , and yes , while their sex or their gender can come into play within being one of those factors , I don't think that there are blanket things that I would apply to boys versus applying to girls . Does that make sense ?
Yeah , yeah , I think the biggest difference is , even if you treat them exactly the same , how the world reacts to them will be different . Yes , that's the hard part is managing how family and friends and strangers treat your boy versus your girl .
What's okay for them to cry about , what's okay for them to play with , what's okay for them to wear , and so , you know , do your best to depending on whatever your viewpoint on that is , but we've very much encouraged and neutral .
You have to be somewhere for them to come to , to discuss and openly converse about how the world's going to receive them . Whether you think that's how it should or shouldn't be , it's how it is .
Yeah .
Yeah , but the reason I said what I said is because you may have girls that are really girly and into princesses or whatever , or you can have girls that are really into trucks and really into things that are considered boyish , whatever , and vice versa .
I don't think that is as black and white , and I actually had this conversation with my friend this week because she has a daughter who has really swayed toward princess pink and she was very adamant to not push her one way or the other . She's like , but she's just obsessed with it , so maybe those just are girl things .
And I said to her I said are they just girl things or are they just your daughter things ? And that's the point that I've come back to is let them be individuals .
I hear a lot from my friends , and this is something that really always is off putting to me and I struggle with it is when friends are like , oh well , he's a boy , that's why he does that . I'm like , well , boys , they're crazy and well , girls , they're sweet . And I'm like why can't she just be sweet because she is a person that's sweet ?
Why can't he be rowdy just because his personality is rowdy ? We don't have to apply those things and say they're that way for those reasons , because I inherently don't think that's true .
And a lot of that is what ends up reinforcing those stereotypes is because then it's not okay for girls to be rowdy , it's not okay for boys to be emotionally overwhelmed by different things which are all natural responses to being a one year old , a two year old , whatever it is . There's a lot of universal .
We haven't seen a lot of differences between our boy and our girl and how they respond to things and how they do a lot of that , what their preferences are . It's very much what's okay by everybody else , and so trying to build an environment that emotional , a burst and everything are acceptable for both of your kids .
And that's the thing . I don't disagree that there are definitely conversations I'm going to have to have with daughters that I don't have to have , not don't have to have Aren't going to come up as organically or Well , they're not going to be as critical to their safety with boys .
I think that I hope that I will have the conversations with both my daughter and my son , because I want my son to be part of the catalyst for change in the way that women are treated .
Yeah , I think it's an important , but it's more for awareness , less for self preservation .
Well , and I also want to have conversations with my daughter that I would usually have with my son , because I want my daughter to also be a catalyst for change in the way that we treat men Like . I want it to go both directions , because I think that there is just a lot of unhealthiness , but anyway , I just , um , I struggle with that .
That's something I really . Yeah , they are different , but I don't know that being a boy versus being a girl is the only big difference and it is by far the most focused on difference , Especially in that first year .
I can't think of a lot of differences .
No me either .
And when they are truly a baby . The difference between being a boy and being a girl um negligible .
I agree .
And so I don't know that there's a lot you need to prepare for . There's just you should probably prepare for how the world is going to treat your child . Yeah , One versus the other .
I agree .
All right , appreciate the voicemail . We've got a bunch of emails , so let's work in some of those . I joined Matt first . I love your podcast . It's my go to while playing Call of Duty . In fact recently benched the whole series and I'm a little sad I now only get one weekly . I'm curious if you have advice on how to handle a parent's death .
My father passed away October 2023 and my mother-in-law January 2024 . And frankly , it's caused a lot of issues between my spouse and I , but mostly for our six year old twin boys . I want to be an example of how to grieve in a healthy way , but I know I'm not .
My spouse is in the Navy and is deployed , so we just moved to California or , and we just moved to California from Wisconsin and my kids are struggling . So really just looking to see if you guys have advice on how to navigate through this season of life in a healthy manner , just not sure how to grieve and be strong for my kids at the same time .
Thanks for listening .
Wow , I don't have any personal experience losing a parent , obviously .
More . Two parents span of a year .
Wow , that's tough . I think grieving is so complicated , yeah , and I think it is really under discussed and it's under supported and I really , beyond having those opinions , don't know how much advice that I have other than therapy .
Like , I think that therapy is so valuable in times like that , to have a third party , to be a safe place to talk to and to like , discuss and to really probably break down a lot of the things that you're struggling with .
I think that with a sense of loss comes a lot of what ifs , and I think that continues the rest of our lives , because we wonder what life would be like if that person was still with us and what they would be doing , especially when it's a loss that's unexpected or young .
Yeah , yeah , no , I mean I think that having a third party you can go to as an outlet for what you're going through is probably the best way to manage it for yourself . As for how you handle it with your twin boys , I think some of it is having a conversation and just telling them that you're having a hard time .
I think it's good for kids to know that their parents struggle sometimes to go hey , having a tough time with this , having a tough time dealing with grandma not being there , and so that doing that is probably a good productive outlet .
And yeah , going to the feelings doctor which is what we tell our kids that we have to go to the feelings doctor , and so that's a normalized way for us to leave the house and go talk to our people .
But , yeah , if you can find somebody to talk to , I think that's the best option for you , and then normalizing it for your kids and making sure they understand that toughing it out isn't always possible .
Well , I think vulnerability and having an open dialogue within your household of things like that is so pivotal in creating safe spaces for kids to be able to both grieve , celebrate , be embarrassed , misstep all those kinds of things as they get older , because they know that , no matter what their feeling is , it's safe within these four walls and that they have a
team of people , their family , that will support them and I think that through really hard times , that is really cultivated .
Being boys . They're going to have enough emotional things shut down just by culture , which is a lot of what we were talking about earlier , but just through that , so the more it can be normalized with you and your husband .
Girls too . It's just shut down differently , Absolutely .
What is shut down and what is acceptable . Totally yeah , I think . Honestly , my best advice is to let them know you're not okay all the time and that you're working on it , but it's up and down .
Yeah , I agree , it's making me emotional . Oh , oh , I'm sorry for your loss .
Very much so for both of you . Next email that hopefully won't make me cry . Hi , jo and Matt . I've been following along since Jo did plant tips with riffraff and I've loved watching in your family grow . I'm getting to the point where my husband and I are also wanting kids . Something I'm struggling with is the whole idea around timing and conception .
I grew up in the Bible Belt where I was taught you'll get pregnant just by having sex Technically possible , but more complicated than you'd think . Obviously , I've had to educate myself about my own body and conception , but I'm having a hard time with being excited every month from trying to find , from trying to find . I'm still not pregnant .
I was wondering if y'all did any fertility testing or preparation when trying for kids , or if you can speak on this at all . I know you're supposed to wait a year before getting fertility testing but , pardon me , would rather know if something's up . I appreciate any advice you have on this hard waiting period .
I think you're probably the expert on this , more so than me .
I know and I hate having to answer questions like this , not because the question's not wonderful , but because I got pregnant our first month trying . Yeah , we went off birth control like eight months or so before we started trying and used natural family planning for those eight months . Then , our first month that we did try , we got pregnant .
Then same kind of experience after G I got my cycle back . We got pregnant . I had a very early miscarriage . Immediately after that I didn't even get my period back . After that experience I was pregnant with R . I feel like I'm maybe not always the best person to talk on this just because I didn't have to experience a lot of that waiting period .
Now I do have a lot of friends and things that I have listened and walked beside them through the journey that you're going through right now . What I will say is most not all , but most of my friends who were very stressed and in the first couple of months were getting negatives and became very worried something was wrong .
Most ended up conceiving naturally with no problem , using ovulation tests and other tools that are at your disposal . I do have a handful of other friends that ended up going the route of getting everything tested because they hit that year mark of not getting pregnant . I think everybody that I can think of now has happy , healthy children .
I have a few friends that ended up going IUI , some that ended up going IBF Definitely some of them . They were harder journeys than others .
¶ Navigating Infertility and Parenting
I think the thing to relax into and remember is that , while infertility is a really difficult and very scary journey , that there are a lot of people's stories to listen to and there are a lot of hopeful endings to things , that trying to conceive and entering that season of your life is supposed to be enjoyable and fun and it doesn't . I guess .
If you can , don't make it high stress until it needs to be , I guess .
Yeah , it's not an indicator of who you are as a person , even if there are difficulties there .
It shouldn't be something that defines you and your identity outside of like Outside of that and I want to clarify that when I say don't stress , I'm not saying Don't stress and you will get pregnant , or just relax and you'll get pregnant . That's not what I'm saying at all . What I'm saying is it's best to not .
Fix a fixate and like doom Think yeah cuz I think and I do it too we have a tendency to kind of get in our heads and go , okay , well , what if this is wrong ? And what if this is wrong ? And what if this is wrong ? And what am I gonna do ? And all this , and I find it's best to work to Get our full night's sleep .
Drink all of our water , take care of our bodies , eat well , you know , do those things that aid in conceiving , because you're focusing on you and taking care of you . If you want to do the ovulation test , do all that kind of testing to try and really Get in touch with what your body is doing , things like that .
And if you're still having trouble before you start trying to take guesses at what might be wrong , see the professional and go through the tests and really take it step by step , if you can . Now a Lot easier said than done .
Yeah , yeah , I mean , if it really is that overwhelming , you can talk to a professional . There's just I don't think there's a lot that they do before a year , yeah , and so If you talk to them , they may not be able to and there's so many layers of things that they do because they'll do .
Why are words escaping me now ? It's because I'm on a mic . They'll start with like a well , I don't know , everybody's different , but they'll do clomid , which is like a fertility drug . That like they'll start there .
That's pre IUI , pre IVF , like there's so many Options like and there's so much research done these days that there are a lot of wonderful people out there who are there to help hold your hand in that journey . Yeah , if that is your path , and so I Don't know .
Yeah , Advice is to take it . You know , don't take it too personally . Yeah and also , if it makes you feel better , learn more about it .
We actually have a couple friends that this is the case , but one specifics coming to mind that tried for well over a year . They were very worried . They went into get testing done , everything came back normal , and so they kept trying .
They ended up getting pregnant with their first , naturally , eventually , and now they have three and they're all like 1415 months apart . Yeah , and so it went like baby , baby , baby after that . And so I , I don't know , the world works in weird ways .
It does , it does you just never know , it's a tough subject everybody's so different . Yeah , it's very personal .
So do you have one more email .
Yeah , I have a short one here , short into the point how do you guys handle screen time with your kiddos ? Minimal , yeah , keep it , you know , minimized as much as possible , but it's not a .
We don't have like really structured rules around it , because Something that I told Matt when we had kids was really important to me is to not have rigid rules around Any kind of activity . Yeah , like if they wanted to play outside and it was like a free time for them to be able to go do that , I wanted them to get to play outside .
If they wanted to play a video game , I wanted them to get to play a video game because I think in my experience , the things that I was very limited on , like I could only watch 30 minutes of TV every day , so I was very fixated on what my 30 minutes was gonna be or like more than 30 minutes , it can heighten it and the thing is then , when I hit
adulthood , I don't even really like TV that much .
Yeah .
I just was like , oh well , I can't like . I was very fixated on it .
Yeah , it can build , and there's extremes , obviously , like yeah , for sure . Yeah , if your kid wants to watch nine hours of bluey , that's probably too much , probably , and so it's good to like redirect when it feels like it's been too much or when you're uncomfortable with it , but it's it's . Also .
We really try not to demonize activities and Provide them with more power . It's it's more about like okay , why is this getting your attention more than something else ? Because , if we found anything out , they prefer activities and stuff . Yeah , it's when we're probably not providing enough engagement that the screen time becomes heightened . Yeah , I agree .
Well , in that note . Yeah , I think , I think we're being called .
Yeah from our dino nuggets for it . Yeah , somebody wants to come in , oh no , so it's we'll go do that .
appreciate you guys listening yeah talk soon do all the stuff .
Yeah , subscribe to all the things . Rate the things . We'll talk soon . Bye .