Knowing Your Worth & Having High Standards with Pau Torres

Welcome back to the Overcomfort podcast. You guys. I am your host, Jennaa Lopez.

Thank you guys so much for choosing to watch and listen to this episode from wherever you guys are at. I am super excited because we're gonna have a cute girl chat with one of my gorgeous friends, Balt Torres. She's been on the podcast before, she was on season two, and absolutely, I mean, I don't like talking in third person, but I do love her. I love her and who she is and what she stands for and believes in. And she's also I feel like she's very wise because how old are you.

You're like two, I'm twenty two.

Yes, very wise, very mature for her age.

And I wanted to have this topic because you have your own podcast obviously, Yes, My best Self your best self?

Which one? Is it? My bestlf?

My best self? Because I was like, your best self of my best self?

Either way, I was like, it's the same thing, my best self, which congratulations for that. I love, love, love what you're promoting there, what your conversations are about, because I feel like it's very genuine to who you are, and I feel like.

This could be like a little collab. We're going to talk about having high standards. Is it being picky or are we being picky? Or are we And I look, I personally feel like it's a girl like girls should have high standards.

Yeah, right, But We're gonna get to the nitty gritty and I'm excited and I wanted to have this conversation with bout because I feel like we've been pretty single for a good minute and we're very specific about who we want to talk to, who we date.

We don't have time to mess around. And I remember like in our.

Last episode that we did together, we were talking about soul ties and the importance of that. So whatever, that's what we're gonna be talking about today. And hopefully you guys can take something from this because I feel like it's important.

I feel like if there's anything that.

Anybody could take from this episode, I feel like it's knowing you're worth, yes, right, because I feel like, and I don't know about you, and I'll let you speak and how you how you discovered your worth. But for me, a lot of people I've seen, I've noticed people that they find their worth in men or in a relationship, and apart from that, and I used. I used to do that when I was younger, because that's all I ever knew, you know, like when I grew up, like I would see multiple relationships and.

It's all that you're fed to exactly like the Disney princesses exactly. This is just like all about relationship.

And especially like in Hispanic culture, you got to be submissive to the man or type, you know, like just take whatever you can get and just you know, move forward. But it's like we're in a new generation, we're changing things up. Let's talk about what are the standards for each other?

Okay, okay? Or standards? Okay, I'm gonna say my standards, but I'm not gonna go too deep because another thing the girls need to know is you can never just say your standards to a man, because then you literally give them the cheat code of like Okay, I know exactly what she's looking for. I know exactly how to act.

How to present yourself to like, yeah, how if he's watching this, he knows how to really win.

And it's a lie, which is very dangerous because there are like I'm not saying all men are bad, but there are men out there who are gonna use that against you, and who are you know gonna have that type of intention towards you? Of course, But I would say my standards are just in general obviously a kind person, a respectful person, who is ready to prioritize a relationship, which honestly, I don't even know if I'm ready at

Okay, I agree, I completely agree. There's something different obviously about.

Physical and then emotional. Yeah, my main thing is obviously emotional. And then I'll and then we'll.

Talk about.

Because you know, obviously I think physical is the is the picky part, Like if we're getting too like technical, like oh he doesn't have straight teeth, no babes like bye, no, but you know what I mean, Like that's the picky part.

Yeah, I definitely agree.

I think that along with the being a good dad because obviously you don't know until obviously you have, yeah, your kids, and you don't know. But I feel what is a good example and that you could see from the bat, like, oh, this man's gonna be a good dad is the way he treats his mom.

That's yeah, that's very hard.

As nieces and nephews or some type of you know, how he is around kids. You know, because I have a bunch of nieces and nephews and maybe that man doesn't, you know. So it's all about how you treat them. And that's like the biggest, like one of the flags for me, Like if you do not treat your mother right, I feel like it's like it shows a lot, it.

Shows your level. I think it really also shows well, everybody's situation is different, but like you should never be treating your mom bad, regardless of what it is.

Like, if you need to make abounds.

Then that's different, but yeah, you should be respectful. And I think it just also shows how much they respect women in general. And it's like, if you don't respect your mom, do you respect exactly?

Which is the one thing that I always look.

For, like how do you how do you treat or how do you respect your parents? Like, you know, how's your relationship with them? I know it sounds like getting too deep, but it's it's really, it's really how it is. Because let's say his relationship with his dad is is not the best. I feel like that's where ego and pride a lot of bitterness. Like you're built, you have anger, you know. So it's kind of like then word is that fault? Like you take it out on me or you'll take it on take it out on whoever.

It is.

So the way you treat your parents, for sure, that's.

A big one, just like the way they even the way they treat women as a whole and speak about women as a whole, like, for example, I something that has made me cut somebody off in the past. This wasn't the only thing they did, but it was like they would refer to women as the B word, like general, and I was like wait, Like, I don't like that. That doesn't sit right with me. It just kind of shows like, why don't you respect women? So you only respect the women that you like, care about or that

Okay, but how about if they're if he's talking to his boys in the group, like in their group chat.

No, I think that's horrible. I don't know. I just feel like, why would you refer to women as that? Yeah? Yeah? Do you do you agree or do you feel like you would? I?

No, I agree, I feel like no, I just I can't even make it like because I'd like to see like both ways. I'm like, that's why I asked, like in the group chat, like maybe he's just talking to his guys, but I like, even your boys, you shouldn't even be talking.

Yeah. Yeah. And like in my past relationship and in other like you know, situations that I've been in, I've never had to like deal with the man just like texting his friends in that way, So I see it as like for someone to do that, just yeah, I don't think that's someone I would ever want to So.

With I feel like it is disrespectful because it's like if his friend is saying something about me or something about somebody else, that's kind of like you are who you hang around. Yes, I feel like I truly believe in that. And I'm if you hang around cheaters, if you're hang around with people like.

That's big too.

Why do you feel comfortable? Like you know what I mean?

Yeah, But then I don't know.

Sometimes that's that's I feel like that's the librit in me, or that's no find the way like ballots are understanding the other side of things.

Oh okay, yeah, yeah, I see, But I agree with you though, Like I just feel like if like, if a man is comfortable to be around people that act that way, then you are, like you said, you are who you hang around. And it's like I guess it can be you can may maybe seem like picky because of it, Like I guess this is where we get into like being picky. But it's like then I'm gonna be picky, I guess because I just there's certain things

Like have I been manipulated?

Am I two used to this exactly? Like oh yeah, like it's normal for men to treat women this way, like it's normal for guys to have these conversations about women. When it's like is that really normal? Is that really like? Or maybe it's normalized but it's not. Doesn't mean we have to accept it exactly.

And I think it depends on certain situations like the way people were raised or the way, you know, the experiences they had growing up, which goes into like, you know, maybe my next thing.

How do you feel? Because I've been single for okay, let's say like.

Four years now, three four years now, but obviously in between dating, have you ever seen yourself?

Maybe I have, and I'm just maybe I'm getting.

To a point where it's like, okay, girl, you're like twenty seven, like when you know, are.

You having to I know? But you know what I mean, It's like you.

Get to a point where it's like, at this point, I want to start feeling like I would love to receive flowers.

You know.

Obviously, I know I could buy myself flowers and I could do, but like there's sometimes or there's times where I do miss like the little cute things or whatever. But then I remember, I'm like, if this is what I'm asking for, that's all I'm gonna get. I have to think about, like, Okay, the man that I want is in the process of is getting prepared, like he's you know, maybe doing something, you know what I mean. So it's like, have you cause how.

Long have you been seeing that I've been single for a little bit over two years.

But dating in between talking to like, yeah, I've been dating a little bit, but concrete official yeah, nothing official.

I yeah, I've been very very single. Yeah, so very much single. Like right now I'm literally like I'm not dating anybody, not talking to anybody, not like on any dating not anything at the moment.

Have you been on dating apps?

I have? I haven't. It was like an interesting experience. It's weird.

I don't know, We're gonna go on a quick break and we'll be right back without the welcome back you guys.

No, but I've been on it.

Been on it too, and I'm just like, it's it's a weird dating apps, I feel like, because realistically they do.

There's really hard to.

Find the ones that don't just want to hook up and you know, and then I'm very specific and I feel like maybe you can agree or maybe not, but I feel like the man that I kind of look for.

I don't want.

Maybe this is being picky again, but I don't feel like I want somebody in the same industry as me, like influencer or you know, I want like picky again, but whatever, like someone businesses, like I feel like owning your own business or something smarter, you know, like you

To marry at this point.

Yeah, Like I don't want to. I'm not just dating to like mess around. So I feel like that's where financial security comes in, Like I want to be able to be with somebody that has maybe a little bit more what I can offer because I feel like I personally bring a lot to the table.

Yeah, I know that. I know that I do.

I know how to be a good girlfriend, wife, whatever. I could cook clean, I have my own house, I have my own business, Like, I pay my own bills. I'm not asking for that, but I just want to be able to Like.

You want to be like a feminine woman around it man. You want your man to be able to take the lead, and you want him to be I feel like women, what we really want is someone that's better than us exactly because if they're not, then it's like and not to say that, like how can I word this.

We don't want to be better than them, Like we don't like respectfully like in like like we don't want.

To be doing better then exactly.

Yeah, we don't want to be doing better then the man. And then also because it's like it goes into things like when a man is maybe at a different level than you, like let's say, for example, financially or even sometimes it could be like looks wise for the girls who like give guys a chance without like really caring about their looks. It's like also then a man can become insecure, and that can cause a lot of problems

No, and I and that's why I'm like, maybe that's why I'm still sick of it.

It's like no, but it's like I think about him like I can't accept You know why.

It's because you give it to yourself. Yes, you give that to yourself. You provide this lifestyle for yourself. You work hard, you do you upkeep yourself physically, mentally, like I'm sure even spiritually, in all these different ways. So it's like if you have to match or exactly you have to add to my life. Because also, you know, when you're in a relationship, you naturally give a lot of yourself. You give a lot of your time, you give a lot of your energy. You give so much.

But for what and that falls and knowing are worth. If I don't know who I am or what I can offer to the table, I don't think that's ever gonna What I want specifically isn't going to arrive for me, Like you can't accept the bare minimum, Like I've been loved bomb before.

You know the term love? Oh yeah, yes, and it's like it seems all beautiful, the flowers, Oh my god, you're so beautiful, but it's not enough.

And that's what worries me about like this generation and women obviously, and I think like the whole purpose of you know, filming this episode is obviously inspiring for inspiring other women to understand their worth, you know what I mean? Like I And it's a process. It's a lot of time, and every situation is different because people that may be watching have you know, been through traumatic experiences or don't understand certain parts of their you know, the way that they grew up or whatever.

How did you know your worth? How do we discover that?

How did I discover my worth? I feel like a lot had to do with my family, just like when I was younger, I saw my parents. They didn't have a very healthy marriage. They got divorced when I was very young too, and I think that makes you see things a little differently. And my mom and my GRANDMOTHERY would always tell me, like, choose your husband wisely. And it's so funny. I used to think that you had to choose your husband. Like this was me and my

I know, because that's what I was gonna go to as well, Like everybody has baggage, right, men, women, any everybody has baggage?

Have you processed it? Have you worked through it?

Because I don't know if I have the capability any longer to put up with it, you know what I mean. Like I feel like if you're in a healing journey yourself, like okay, but I don't know if I can carry the weight and also pass that to my children, you know, if you have anger issues, like, let's figure it out now. If not figure it out by the time you're dating.

Me, oh yeah, I know, Like it should be something where you should feel I think everyone should come into a relationship already as you know, a like good version of themselves, not And I think that's another thing that a lot of people just accept the minimum because they're like, oh, they're gonna change, or like yeah, they're they have these problems, but we're gonna make it work, and they fall in love with just like the idea of what someone can be, yeah,

At the end of the day, I think leading you to better, like you know, not backtracking. I feel like for myself and I don't know you could speak on it for yourself as too, Like this healing journey has been so long and it's been a process, and it's like I do not want to go back, like I want you to help me move forward, like maybe I'll discover something.

That I needed to heal on in the future. Are you going to help me? Like you know what I mean, Like I don't want to feel like like tak bad about or you know, this is just as important as is as is as it is important for me. I hope it is as important for you.

Yeah, one hundred percent. And it's when you have like healed so much of yourself. I think that helps you really understand your worth because you're like, Okay, I'm not gonna accept anything else because you realize how peaceful it is. And I think that's why people stay single for so.

Long, because I feel peace.

I'm happy exactly, and you don't have to deal with like oh, like is this person like cheating? Is this person doing this? And when I say this, by the way, I'm like just a little PSA. I'm not like coming from like talking about my last relationship. I just have to mention it because I feel like people still correlate that, which I feel like it's you know, it's been so long it doesn't correlate anymore.

But it's just what you've learned, right, what I've learned about experience, but in general.

In general, in general, not from that experience though. But yeah, I think that's why we have like such high standards because we now when we go through that healing, we know our worth now. And it's like it's like this analogy I heard recently that it's like, just like how you don't you know, you don't go to the grocery store when you're hungry, why because you're gonna want to

And I think that's also like before anything, ladies, even men, you know, watching or whatever, it's knowing.

Who you are first.

Be secure, be for sure about who you are as a person. You're kind, You know what you could provide and what you can bring to the table.

You know your worth.

And that's a process like knowing your worth and figuring that out, Like especially if you've grown up like in a toxic household or an abusive household, like it's hard to understand who you are and where you belong.

But I think that's what starts.

It's like you have to heal those parts of you and then open the door to love, open the door and knowing like, Okay, I'm not gonna put up with this anymore.

I don't have time at least for.

Me, I don't have time to put up with any type of shit, Like literally, I have too much on my plate, Like again, like, are you gonna let's add to my life?

Let's add you know, let's build something together, you know.

Let's let's speak to people, let's you know, the I'm not saying I want someone exactly like me, And I don't think you wanted someone exactly like you too, because then I feel like that would be kind of boring.

Yeah, no, of course. I honestly, I'm not sure exactly the type of person that I'm gonna end up with, but I agreed with what you were saying you want like a business man, I feel like, okay, so like.

What are what are those?

Obviously you know, okay, we can't say too much because it's like they're gonna be.

Talking like okay, let me get start my business right now.

I just.

No, but it's like it's it's true. It's like I do you write it down?

Girl? I have a list it's called my future husband and it's one hundred point.

Launch and you add it on every day. You're like, all right, no, not every day.

I wrote it one time and I was like, I'm gonna be so specific right here, because no, you have to be yes. And then it's like you'll find like, for example, in my dating journey, I've found like guys which would take off so many boxes, but then there would be like certain things that I could overlook and then I would add those to the lists, like, oh, that's another thing that we need.

What are your deal breakers?

My deal breaker? Hold on, let me go to my list. There's a lot. It's because it's hard to think of only one.

Dude, I know, I feel like, what would my deal breaker be? I feel like, would you want anybody that's an influencer or like you want a.

Deal breaker to me? I wouldn't mind it. But it's not like I'm like, oh, I hope they are you know what I'm saying. But I wouldn't. Yeah, I wouldn't like not consider them because of that deal breakers. Okay, one of my deal breakers would have to be this is me personally. Wait, let me think, because I have a lot. One thing. Definitely I want a man that is romantic, like I don't want a man.

You know, like okay, sorry to cut you off, but emotional, like you want to see that he's emotional too.

Yeah, I want somebody that is like emotionally vulnerable with me and available in that sense. And I'm like, girl, I just have a lot of I'm a.

Little Okay, what's a red flag?

Then?

I feel like that's easier. What is like the one? Because I feel like, Okay, you're on a date, and this is like I feel like everybody could agree if he doesn't offer to pay, Is that a red flag?

Yeah, well it's not that it's a red flag. It's just for me personally, I wouldn't accept it.

Would you go on another date?

No? I wouldn't go on another date just because well that has never happened to me actually in my like dating like phase or whatever that I was on. But no guy did. And I feel like it's like, you know, if you're inviting a woman out and you're not gonna pay, it already shows the type of man that you are, and it shows how serious. For me. It's like, if you really like somebody, you wouldn't care, you know, like if these men had like their celebrity crush in front

Is fine, but you still so.

I mean, in that case, I would just pay and just not see them again. I would just be like, okay, yeah, like we'll do fifty to fifty.

But clearly that's such anick though.

It's like, yeah, it's that's what makes it so unattractive, Like it's like I don't know, like I feel like I just I don't know. It is very unattractive and maybe that's just me and it's probably very judgy, but it's like, no, like you last me out. You know, you're on your phone probably a lot, like you were an.

A little girl. Oh hell no, that's a big red flow.

Yes, like being on the.

Ring on the phone.

I was on a date one time, not too long ago.

I should have taken it as a red flat.

I was love bombed for sure. But we were on a date and his phone was out like this or whatever. We'd already been like a couple drinks in and whatever I was on I had to take a phone call. So but he was next to me and his phone was on the table like this, and then he's obviously looking through stories and then he liked a girl's story and I was just like okay. And then in my head, I'm like, Okay, he's not your boyfriend. He's maybe talking

That was like but I was like, okay, like.

That, I know that's a red flag, right, I should have seen it, like, and his excuse to me was that, oh.

That's a family friend or whatever. I'm like, like, my cousin, I don't like my stories, yeah.

You know what I mean, Like, I don't. I've never had a cousin like my story, a boy cousin.

Like why, first of all, why is he on his phone going through Instagram stories while you're on a date, Yes, like that's already like what.

Anyways, I don't know why I just had to share that, But those are red flags ladies, like you got to pay attention, like you got.

To pick up on them, yeah, or.

Like the phone being like this, I know, like give.

I don't know.

It's just a habit, Yeah, it does a habit, but it's like they're like little cues, little things like I feel like that people miss out on, like they don't realize that our.

Yeah are they just kind of like I think our problem too is will like give people the benefit of the down, which is like I learned that in dating you can't do that. You can't like you have to see it, like if you're over here showing me this, this and that, then it's like I have to get what you're putting down, pick up what you're putting down, like I can't just and I think you can be

For a stranger. Realistic.

Yeah, at the end of the day, Like, at the end of the day, you don't know this man. You just are like it's love at first sight because you're attracted to them. That's unfortunately it goes.

We're gonna go on a quick break and we'll be right back with about the risk.

Welcome back you guys. Would you ever do love is blind?

Oh? Love is blind? That's a girl. That's scary, right, I don't know because love isn't blind. I know.

Okay, So that's what then I think that's what we should talk about next.

Like I don't know, because then I'm so attracted.

To when like a man is emotionally aware and intelligent or whatever.

Yeah, but then it's like what if they're not, Yeah, physically you're physically attracted to them and that's not to say that you're like looking for like a supermodel, like the most attractive man, but it's like, obviously we all have our different tastes. Like guys that I've been attracted to, somebody could probably see them and be like, girl, that's a little questionable. Are you sure? Yeah? But you know what, like, you know, we we all like what we like. But

All right, what are your top three, like a physical attraction like you need to.

I wouldn't say I have Like, well, I prefer a man to be fit. I really, you know, that's a big thing. And especially because like that's my lifestyle. I love going to the gym. I'm very active. That's one thing I very like I look out for. My dream man is gonna be a tall man like I. You know, I feel like.

Every comer than you because you're a tall girl too.

Right, I'm tall? Yeah, well I'm five to five. I feel like that's pretty tall for a Mexican girl. And those are like I think those are my main things. Like other than that, I don't have like, oh, they have to have this specific characteristic or they have to look like this. I think as long as I'm attracted to them, Okay, is it weird?

Tell me if I'm being judgy, then nice hands and.

That's good too. That's good too. Yeah.

I don't want like if I see that you're like.

Your nails, oh hygiene one hundred yes, hyie like the things that I get on, Yeah, at all. I don't want a krusty like, don't want your You got to be put together, especially because obviously when you're a person who takes care of themselves, you want somebody that does the same. It's like it's kind of most unattractive. It's like a lot like you take.

Care of Okay, you smell good, you look good, you look clean, like you got some lotion on those elbows, like you know.

What I mean, Like.

Little details like that you take care of, like where you live, maybe your car is probably clean. Like it sounds picky as fuck you guys, but it's true.

It's like those things lead to other other examples, like how they can take care of you as well.

I agree. And there's a saying that says how you do one and how does it go. How you do anything is how you do everything. Yeah, and that really Yeah, it's true because because if they take care of you know, their house, their car, all of that, Yeah, they're gonna take care of you too, because they they care to be caring.

Yes, exactly, And that's the point. Like even as women as well, like we should be also be taking care of ourselves. Like yeah, I'm very big on like having my men a caure of my piticures, like it makes me feel good as a girl, as a woman me too, Like you know, making sure my hair is like you know, I'm on top my color and all that stuff. It presents yourself like you have to show yourself like I'm taking care of myself on the outside and the inside.

Yeah, and it doesn't even have to be anything crazy, because I know it's like sometimes at the nail salons they be charging like oh curl, they be charging crazy prices. But even like you know, obviously like taking a shower, doing these things, keeping your nails cut and clean, not having freaking dirt in your freaking nails, these are things that anyone can do. I agree, And and yeah, like it's it's important, It's very important.

Okay, so I have a hot take mama's boys. What if he's the only boy. Oh, I've had my fair share. I don't think I could do it. I've I've dated two mama's boys.

What do you think qualifies somebody as a mama's boy?

Okay? I feel like when they run to tell.

Their mom everything, oh, like evolving like obviously, like you can obviously have a great relationship with your MoMA, wonderful.

You mean, like involving, like telling them all your problems, Like.

I feel like it in my eyes. Yeah, you look a little bit less of a man to me, just a little bit. I agree, Like I just it's a turnoff.

It's definitely a turnoff. And I feel like that limits me down because I can't like a girl. It's hard, It's it's very unattractive.

It's hard, like you're meant to be a man, Like, I don't think your mom needs to know everything that happens.

And I think that goes even into just like the respect of the relationship. I don't think you should ever tell your problems that you have with your partner to everyone. Like I understand that there's certain things you might share at certain moments with certain people, but for you to go and run and like tell your mom everything and then usually it's like when you're having an argument if I don't know, I haven't been in this situation, but I feel like in a mama's boy, not in that

Because then I feel like you're constantly fighting. It's you and the mom fighting.

Yeah, Like the mom's always going to have a higher position in his life.

And that's not right, Like your wife should come first and that's it. And as my husband, you're gonna be first for me too. So it's like you, yeah, you never want to feel like you're competing with his mom. Like that's just weird, Like that's I don't know. I I wouldn't I wouldn't do.

That, Okay, So would you say you and your partner relationship the mom doesn't like you?

Are you leaving or you're saying.

If the mom doesn't like me? But I know I'm saying, but I feel like if someone didn't like me, like, why wouldn't you like me? Okay, you know what I'm saying.

What if your partner didn't defend you, your man didn't.

Oh, if they don't, yeah, then I couldn't be with them because then that's that feels like it's gonna be an ongoing problem and I don't want to deal with that, Like you never want to come second. I think any man that loves his woman is gonna put them first and is obviously gonna choose, not choose, because you shouldn't have to choose. But if it was a case like that where like the mom was being just what's the word respect?

Ispect?

Like just being I can't what's the word for this?

Overbearing?

Maybe overbearing or like and also disrespectful and like treating your woman badly, And it's like you're choosing to defend your mom over your wife staying quiet that too, it's like you have to be able to be the man to step in and defend the person that you're with, and that just shows not only in that situation, but it just shows a lot about the type of person

And then I think that's also not respecting yourself as a woman. Yeah, you know, like I'm sorry if you don't respect me when it comes to your mother. And I feel like that it's a hard conversation to have because it's obviously the mother, the one that gave birth to that person, and then you the person that's loving and caring for him right now.

But it's like, oh, like it goes like really deep, but it is.

Like a sign like how much are you going to respect yourself to like, Okay, you know, sadly, this is what it is.

And and Amanda loves you will never put you in that position. No, Like they won't, No, they won't, they won't allow it.

Yeah, And I think more than anything, and if anybody like you know, choosing to listen here and obviously coming from Boo's podcasts as well, like as people that have gone through healing experiences traumatic experiences as well, like and relationships. Respecting yourself is always going to be number one, and that also respecting your own boundaries and respecting your standards.

And you're not crazy. I know, I'm not crazy about You're not crazy.

You know, you're not crazy.

About having these standards or being quote unquote picky if you guys see it as being picky. It's when you've been through so many things and experience different parts of life, you already know what to accept and not to accept. I read in the book it's like it's as much access. It's as much access as you give that person, Like I'm letting you into my heart. That is as much access, like I'm giving you basically my whole life, you know.

And it's it's how much are you going to accept?

How much are you gonna and how much are you going to know that you deserve? You know, it's your heart is sacred, It's it's meant to be protected. What goes goes through your heart also comes out, you know, in the physical and into the world.

So it's like be mindful of choosing, be mindful. I can't even say no, but it's like also being mindful of who you're choosing in your life. You know, like it's a whole other person. It's baggage, it's everything that person comes along with and are they willing to accept the stuff that you came along what you bring to the table, well.

Exactly, you know. And it's always put yourself first and.

Learn know you're worth girls, know you're worth your men. Women are so special in this world. We're smarter for a reason.

We mature fast, we mature faster.

We know we have babies, Like our bodies are designed and created so beautifully and wonderfully made.

Like you have to appreciate it.

You're not just like worthless or you know, you don't deserve to be treated like any type of way.

You are powerful. You know who you are. You know what you bring to the table. You can conquer anything in this world.

And you deserve and willing of every ounce of love that is I don't want to say that is offered because that can be multiple people whatever. No, it's like you have to just know the cues, know the red flags.

And let people earn your love.

Yes, don't just get it out.

Yeah, give it to the first person, like, give it to someone that actually like you know, give it to the person that truly shows you that they're deserving of that because you do give so much to the people that you love, So make sure that it's somebody that is going to give back to you and pour back into you. Yes, and yeah, don't accept just anything, trust me please.

And soulties, we're going to bring it back, do not, because that's that stuff sticks with you, like you don't know where that person has been. If you guys are just looking to hook up, like.

Okay, no disrespect whatever you guys want to do. Everybody makes their own life.

Choices, but know the consequences the harns, and you don't know where that person has been or the people that he's already hooked up with has been.

So whatever those people have are coming into you.

Yeah, and it's serious, yes, like the amount of even like you go into Soulti and then you go into all of this, but then you also have like STDs, like people aren't just over here, you know these men be I don't know. You have to protect yourself in every way because you don't know how something is gonna affect you.

Don't get love bomb ladies. If they're telling you like this, this, this, and then they want to have sex on the first date. No, honey, no, no, no, like please don't.

Please, Like it's like again, know your worth, respect your body.

It is so beautiful, it's so powerful. Do not just let like getta come and just mess it all up for you, because that that is a whole nother healing thing.

That's traumatic.

Yeah, it is very traumatic, and I think that people, when they're not aware of it, they can just you know, cause a lot of harm to themselves without even realizing what's actually happening. And the bonds that you're creating with people, the people that are you know, it's like it takes a long time, I think to get to know somebody and to really see what kind of person they are, So you don't know who you're letting into your body and what they're gonna give you in every sense of that word. Yeah.

So just because even after you get married too, this I've always heard and even I asked my sister, like she recently got married, but they've lived together for a long time. It's like, you know, you discover new things after and then isn't there like a saying where it's like you don't really know someone unless you've talked to them or been with them.

For like two years or something like that.

Hmmm, something like that. So obviously the point is is like take your time.

I'm not saying don't give it, like you know, you could do whatever you want with buddy, but like take your time, like understand, like you know who you're talking to, what they do, Like again.

What baggage do they carry? Like what trauma have they been through? Can they help you or can you help them? Like you know, grow Like everything is about growing together. And if there's anything that I would love for you guys to take out of this podcast is again knowing you're worth, respecting yourself and not just taking anything, don't take everything.

Be mindful, be.

Very mindful dating and pour into yourself, give yourself all that love that you crave, give it to yourself, and eventually that person will come around. You will always, yeah, you'll find that person. Have you sorry? I forgot to ask her. I wanted to ask you earlier when you were talking about this. So you know how you said you're you know, wanting to start getting settling down and all that. Yes, have you been putting yourself in certain positions to meet somebody?

I've been going out a little bit more like I'll go I don't go out to like parties or bars or clubs. I don't feel like my man is going to be in the club.

Yeah no, I So I'll.

Go to maybe to like maybe. Uh. I went to Mastros with my friend the other day. We went to go eat. We sat there at the bar at the table, like you know, right there sitting and we were just talking or whatever. And I think I'm just more open to it.

Like I feel like when you're when the idea in your head, when you open the door, it attracts, yeah, because then you look close off, like you know what I mean. So I'll go out to like maybe if I'm invited. If I'm invited to a party. You know, I don't usually drink. I'm very like you know, and I'm not saying not having fun or whatever, but I'm

You're like present in the moment and aware of around and everything that.

Like I'm you know, I'm not, but I'm also not like out there.

Yeah, like you're not like going and like talking.

Yeah, no, no, no.

Do you do like when you see a guy that you're attracted to, do you just like do you smile at them?

Oh my god, I don't. Oh maybe I do, maybe like a smirk. Maybe like a smirk.

That's good, you should. Well, this is what I've heard. I'm too shy. I feel like most of the time when I see a guy I'm attracted to, I'm not gonna lie. You don't go, I like, no, never, I'm and I don't want to be the first one to make the move. But you know you're supposed to, like, you know, show them you're interested, like smile at them and stuff. But I still need to work on it.

I know. It feels like a little weird. It's like what if you smile at them and they're like.

I know, what if they just like ignore you? It's scary too.

Oh yeah, the door is open. And like I feel like again it's all about mentally as well. Like if you're opposed to it, it's gonna look like that on the outside. Yeah, but if you're open to it, it's gonna look like that on the outside as well.

So we're gonna come back and when we're both in relationships, we're gonna talk about this again. Oh my gosh, where we're at like of with our dream mens, like this is going to happen.

Like I'm excited.

Yes, yes, because we're manifesting.

It's all about manifesting, putting it out, praying to God, Like, look, God, I say this every day, and you guys probably think I'm crazy, but I literally say, God, wherever my husband's at, make sure, you know, prepare him, prepare me, prepare me for my future husband that he's also being in preparation, like you're getting him ready, like you know, you're healing parts of him, like whatever he's.

In, blessed him, protect him.

You have to put it out there. You have to be willing to receive it and also pray that God is preparing you. You know that you're in the healing process and whatever.

But like I said, right.

I'm sure your husband he's gonna appreciate that so much.

Yeah, thanks, Your man's gonna appreciate the bullet points too. One hundred and ninety. You're going to get that. Maybe just one that's like whatever, But yeah, fine, you'll get we're getting them. We're gonna get. No, we are, and it's and if we're gonna the weight is going to be worth it, like the weight in the process.

Like sometimes you also wait a little longer for something.

It's gonna be honorable, Like you know you're gonna respect yourself even more that you waited this long for.

This type of man, for the right one. Yes, I'm ready. We're ready for it, and.

We're gonna we're gonna come back and we're gonna talk about it and we'll be like yep.

Oh wait, wait, I actually can't wait for that day. Like I'm excited for that to come day.

When you find this one and you're aus.

I feel like when we're on our first date, I feel like we would know. Do you feel like you would know?

Like maybe like I think definitely you would have like a tingle like yeah, you would for sure know something like wait, I kind of do like him more than I thought.

Yeah, like somebody have to be careful.

No, of course, of course, but I feel like because we're aware, like are motions like can obviously deceive us in our heart, But like I feel like there's gonna be like that one on the first In the.

Back of your mind, you're like, like, oh, where this goes?

Yeah, this one's interesting, Like this this is convincing, but it's exciting.

I do wish you luck. I'm gonna be thank you for your man.

I'm gonna be praying for you, just your future in general, because you're beautiful and you are worthy and deserving all the love.

Thank you in the world.

We're gonna be We're gonna be texting. We're like, did you see I'm going to date anyways you guys. Bao does have her own podcast. She just started it, My Best Self Police, Share your socials, share where you can find it, and all that.

Thank you. So we are on I believe we're available on any streaming like wherever you hear, Spotify, Apple, all of that. YouTube at my Best Self and then Instagram I think is my best self paw to my Instagram is ipare if you guys want to follow me there, and yeah, thank you, thank you so much for having me. This was so fun. I feel like these conversations are needed.

Yes, of course, and I feel like some girls don't have those girlfriends, and I feel like, you know, we could talk about it, have a good time, and I feel like they're important conversations to have. If you guys please took anything from this podcast, like, leave a comment, leave a life, let us know, go to bout podcast.

She is all about it as well, about moving to the to the next level of your life, about improving your life, how to heal all that good stuff.

So make sure you guys go check out her podcast. Make sure you guys leave a like comment, subscribe here, and I will see you guys next Tuesday.

Bye.

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