Welcome back to the Overcome for podcast. I Am your House, Jennaka Lopez, thank you guys so much for being here today. I have a pretty cool guest that everybody has been requesting. They've been dming me, they have been tagging me, and I'm like, okay, let's do this. We have Miriam Lopez. You have the same last name as me. It's kind of cool that.
How are you. I'm good, I'm good. Super hot, super hot, super hot. It's way too hot here.
You're nervous and very nervous, super nervous. My okay, yes, So a bunch of people were tagging me and I was like, you know what, let's do it. You know, I thought you were in a late I was like, you know what, let's fly you out, let's get you here. Obviously, I've joined your lives on TikTok. You have almost five hundred k on TikTok. Right. Yeah, we're getting there. You're
you're growing, You're doing your thing. You have a passion for music and along with other things that I would love to get to know you and talk about with you and see what you're all about. Because when you have an amazing voice, I would love to hear you sing, but due to you know, copyright purposes and all that, they're just you know, if you guys want to see you're saying, go, what's what's the TikTok?
Miriam Miriam underscore.
Yes, Okay, if you guys want maybe later on maybe if you know, we'll figure we'll see something, we'll see we'll like make a clip. No, but I'm really excited to get to know you, to get to know more about you, how you grew up, tell me, tell me all the good things about you, good and bad things. I want to know.
What can I start with? Well, I started TikTok literally, I want to say a year like the same year that I got fired from my job, and I've always sorry. Uh, I like, you know how with not me, I didn't do anything, but you know how, you're not supposed to like stop shoplifters. Okay, okay, Yeah, So apparently from my understanding from their camera angle, it looked like I was
stopping this shoplifter. I wasn't doing anything. I mean, I know that you can't really stop people, but yeah, employees get fired if they even try to stop someone.
From you didn't know that.
Yeah, they get fired. If they get they try stopping, like someone from stealing at all sense. It makes no sense. I personally think HR had it out for me, but it is what it is. It was a blessing in disguise because I, you know, I have two friends that
were are pretty big on TikTok. They cut hair and they were hearing me sing and they're like, how come you've never posted a singing video on TikTok, And I was like, I have, and they flop and so they're like, no, you gotta keep going, like be consistent, Like the first video is not gonna do good, the second video is not gonna do great, and I did. I actually posted an Anna Gladell cover and that's the one that kind
of took off. And after that it was you know, Sa singing, Selena sing Jenny, And so that's how I started to build, like my platform was just by doing song covers. And now I'm kind of switching it up, just showing a little bit more of my personality, showing a little bit more of me. And I recently also just lost my mom too, and so I'm kind of talking a lot about grief because it's it's a part of my life that I'm currently going through as well.
But yeah, that's how I started. I've always wanted to do videos, and so I saw it as like a blessing in disguis because I didn't want to. I didn't want to, like put myself in a corporate job again. Prior to that, I had worked at a coffee shop for seven years. Yeah, they disposed of me so easily, so quickly. And then I went to retail, same thing, and I just kind of was tired of giving my all to these places when I could do more than that. And so here I'm on TikTok and it's got me
really cool opportunities, this one right now. Like I'm trying to play it cool, but I'm actually really excited. I think that's why I was sweating.
No, I appreciate it, and I agree, like sometimes corporate is not meant for a lot of people, you know, and you have a lot of potential outside, you have passion, you have ideas, you have talent, like many other people in the world. It takes a lot of balls I gots, you know, yeah, pardon my you know, I don't care, but whatever. Anyways, it takes a lot to leave that and to be dependent and figure out your life after you know you're taking a risk. Has it been scary?
Though it has been. It has been because, believe it or not, it sounds really funny, but I took me getting fired really hard because I have given my all to jobs. I am a people person. I love making connections with regulars. Some regular customers from the coffee shop I'm still friends with, you know. I I've seen some of their kids grow up and stuff, and I don't I don't know. It felt very harsh to be let go,
like I was. Yeah, And I was like, Okay, I need to take some time off and figure out what I want to do, Like what do I want to do? I've I can obviously give my all to these companies. Why can't I do that for myself? And so I started posting videos and yeah, and I got in cool opportunities. I performed in San Antonio Fiesta, which is a huge festival in San Antonio, and I had an amazing time. It was incredible, biggest crowd I've ever sang in front of.
And just any opportunities like that, I tend to take them just because I don't feel like they're gonna come again. And that's I mean, that's honestly why I'm here today too, because I've been wanting an opportunity like this and if I don't take them, then you know, I don't feel like they're gonna come again.
Well, I'm so happy to give you the platform and to be able to I don't know, for me more importantly, it's like to have a conversation and get to know you and to know the person behind the voice, because I think people take that for granted and they don't understand it. And you really, betting on yourself has gotten you here. And I'm not saying I'm like the biggest like podcast or whatever, because girl, you're gonna go farther than I.
Actually no, Like, it's so insane because I feel like I've been so connected to your family in some sort of way. Jackie, your sister is incredible. She's the first person to ever go live with me. I gave an idea to Cheeky's I never in my life would have thought that she was going to see my video and she saw.
It's the one the how she should start Yes concert, Yes, yeah, that one.
And that's when you came on my live and I was like, no, this is insane. There's no way. Your brother Johnny is super sweet, uh and super shout out to him, Tamien. When everything was happening with my mom, Tamian, he reached out to me and I just think you guys are so sweet, and I just I have nothing but good things to say about you guys, just because you guys are always so sweet to me.
Oh, it's okay, thank you. All right, you guys, we're gonna go on a quick break and we'll be right back with Miriam. Welcome back, you guys. All that you are married. Yes, So tell me about obviously you're coming out and the journey. Obviously being in a Hispanic household, I feel like I don't know. I don't know that, and everybody's different and it's very relatable to a lot of people. So what was the journey like for you?
Oh? It was really hard. It was super hard. My mom was Jehovah's witness and so and so it was really hard going through high school for one and trying to understand who I was because I just couldn't. I had I won't lie. I think this is the first time saying it. I had boyfriends, but wasn't comfortable, and I started liking this girl in math class and more than a friend, and eventually, you know, I started to
not care. And I think that was where I messed up personally, just because I was just thinking about myself. And I feel like you should think about yourself. But unfortunately, if you don't have a plan, you don't know how your family can reacture. And unfortunately my mom took it really rough. It was really hard for her because I felt, I think, in any household, your parents expect so much from you. They have this life planned out for you
that you don't even know if you want that. You don't even know if like that's what you want to do in your future or that's what you're yeah, And I couldn't and I just couldn't do that to myself. I wanted to be myself. And I did write all
my family letters because I couldn't. I couldn't see them in the face, not because I didn't want to, like, I just didn't want to feel like I disappointed them, because it's not something to be disappointed about you just you know, like I mean, you you like that person. I don't like them for you, but you know that makes you happy. It is what it is, and it
was really hard for some of my siblings. Luckily, I had my brother at the time, and he was just like, hey, it's not going to be easy, so just come and move in with me, and my brother took me in and I just kind of I think, I want to say it was junior year and going into senior year or write at senior year is when I came out, and so I wasn't living with my mom by then, and it was really hard because I loved my mom and it was really, oh my god, it was really
hard feeling like you were letting her down, because it's so hard to make people understand that, like if this is really what we wanted, like we wanted to be left out, or we wanted to feel like we were disappointing people, this would not be the first choice that we would do.
You know.
I wouldn't. I want to be like, oh, I'm I'm gonna be straight just to make everyone else happy. Yeah, And I couldn't. I couldn't. So it's been a long journey, and it was still a long journey. Now it's it's good because I actually have a niece who's also part
of the community. And even she said it myself that she's she's made this so much, that I've made this so much easier for her that, you know, because me, she's able to kind of be herself more, bring her girlfriends over and not have to go through what I had to go through. It wasn't super super hard, but
it was still something very difficult. It definitely strained the relationship with my mom and I a lot, and actually even prior because you had asked about my mom prior to my mom passing, like she didn't go to my wedding, and I took it so hard. And that's where I had to create boundaries where it kind of hurt me to have her in my life because I always kept feeling like I was letting her down. But thankfully we were able to kind of mend things before you know, she passed over.
That I hear you when you say that you don't want to be a disappointment of people, because I'm a people pleaser and I hated disappointing people as well. Like for example, when it came with me in my relationship with my mom, I never wanted to do any of the things my sisters did like they were bad, you know, my siblings, like they were bad. So I made it my point and my goal in life to make sure I never got in trouble, I never got hit. I
didn't want to get yelled at. If Mom said this, I did this, And that flowed into my relationships even to this day. And it's toxic. And I'm not blaming it on her, I'm not. You know, it's a whole it's a lot of mental thing and it's a lot of the pressure. Like your mom wanted a certain way for you, right, but what about it doesn't It just doesn't make sense if Miriam doesn't want it, you know. And that's okay. And I think there comes a point
where you got to start letting it go. Like the expectations of people in general, Like I'm not necessarily saying your mom or saying like, you know, it could be any person jobs. You know, you expected them to take care of you or like you were disposed or whatever, but realistically corporate doesn't give a fuck. Yeah, yeah, you know your mom wants this life for you, but what are you gonna do for yourself?
Yeah?
You know what I mean. So, and that's the point where you have to like envision your life, you have to be confident in what you're doing. You have to be sure, like, you know what, like I'm gonna stand by this, I'm gonna get married to this girl. I'm gonna do this, and I'm going to live my life happy, you know. And it obviously, and I think it's it's harder because.
It's your mom.
Oh my, what about your dad.
I actually don't have a relationship with him. He was consistently like in and out of my life, and there just came a point to where, at least from my own heart, because I'm super freaking sensitive, I take things very personally and I take them to heart, and so I just kind of was so tired of being disappointed by him and just kind of expecting him to want to fully be there for me. And I couldn't deal with that anymore. I felt like the only time he he wanted to come around was, oh, I have a
new girlfriend, Orsad, and I really want you there. And it was always like promises that he could never keep, and I just couldn't do that anymore. I just was like, you know what, being so okay a Stecki like I wanted to have a relationship with you like I wanted.
It sounds so silly, but all I even wanted was from him to like, let's go get an ice cream together, Like literally the smallest thing could have changed everything, could have changed everything, Like it was siempre with you know, he would come with his new girlfriend and all their freaking kids, and I couldn't call him dad. I couldn't. It was it was crazy for me. Yeah, and my mom would see my mom, she was supportive on like
me wanting to have a relationship with him. She never talked bad about him, right, And there was a point too where she was like, she doesn't want to go with you, she doesn't want to go, and I'm not going to force her to go. And I appreciated that from my mom, like just kind of sticking up for me, where if I wasn't comfortable, if I didn't feel like happy going, there was just no point in me going.
Your own mental health. How many siblings do you have?
I have three, oh my god, three brothers, three sisters and two brothers, and they're all older than me. I'm the baby. I am the baby.
I'm the le maybe, and that's probably why your mom was hard around you.
Maybe yeah, and I also came eight years later.
Also, you have a huge age gap. What's your relationship like with them?
We're all good. My oldest sister, she lives out of state. She's always been the one that's like furthest apart from all of us. My older brother is just very like strong, like you, you know, super private. My other sister lives in Seattle and she's she's good. I'm really close to one of my sisters and my younger brother.
So how was that after coming out because you said that they it was they stopped talking to and stuff.
They just took it really hard, like they were just like I need some time to process, let me think about it. And I was just more like I'm not doing anything bad, literally not doing anything bad, you.
Know, Or are you asking for their approval? Yeah?
No, exactly right. It was just like I think, that's so crazy to think about that. You are so scared to just be like I like girls, Yeah, and it'd be like a huge problem, like, oh, I can't believe it, And like I had all these dreams for you, and like you had those dreams for me, I had different ones because you never asked me about mine at all. So it was a hard journey. But they love my wife. My wife is in high school. No, no, thank goodness, that was not it.
No, how did you meet wife.
At the coffee shop? Yeah? She would. She would literally come in early mornings and I would just be like, where are you going so early? Like why are you up so early? And she was going on hikes. It took us forever to actually go on a hike together. But once we got a chance to go on a hike, I woke up late, so she was like, Hey, we're done,
are you coming? Hey? Do you want to go? And it was funny because she's like, honestly, I don't know what it was because I never wait around for people, like I'm trying to get to the hike before the sun rises because once you start hiking back down it gets really hot.
Is that her?
That's her? She doesn't She did not wait on people. And I was like, okay, And it was funny because she takes me on this hike. We couldn't find it. We couldn't find it, and I was like, you photoshop yourself in these pictures, don't you? Like you don't even do the hikes. So we met up for the second hike never talk smack again. Because she took me to this hike that's called Spirit Falls. It was all inclined
on the way back. It was embarrassing. I was like huffing and puffing, and I was like, that was so easy. That was easy. Oh my gosh, it was insane. But yeah, after that, like you know, we started hanging out more and eventually I was just like, this is what I want to marry. And we got married and we were going in November. It's going to be two years.
Wow. Yeah, congratulate, thank you, thank you. So Okay, how was your relationship with your mom during that time, because then you said that she didn't go to the wedding and all that stuff. Was that were you able to bring her around?
Dude?
She was You weren't able to kiss her?
Or I don't. I'm actually not very affectionate with my wife around people in general. Yeah, will hold hands. We're very I think it's more like in private. But I feel like no one's ever made us feel like we had to be private. I'm just very private, you know. But with my mom, my mom was just she was
very difficult. She liked my wife, but I don't I didn't feel like she wanted to get to know her more, just because I feel like maybe she's afraid to like her, you know, and like show like approval and I know, oh my god, I'm gonna cry again. When my mom passed, she was able to talk to my wife and be like, I know that she's gonna be okay because you're gonna
take care of her. But we were taking towards the end, we were taking my mom to her appointments because when I call my mom, hey, Mom, moa casar, I am mom, like, and I really want you there. Because she was diagnosed with cancer and it was a rare type of cancer that whether she did CHEMEO, whether she didn't, it was not gonna be cured. Uh. And it was a maximum of like three to five years, and we were fortunate enough to have her for three and it hurt me.
And some of the things that we said to each other on that phone call, it sucks, you know, Like she said certain things to me, I said certain things to her. But one thing that I kept telling her was like, Mom, you don't you don't have to walk me down the aisle. You don't have to make a big old scene I'm her mom, and I'm here like I just want you to like sit there like you don't. You don't have to do anything, you don't have to say to anyone. I just want you present.
Was it like an like I don't Was it embarrassing to her?
Or I just think that maybe I could be saying it wrong. I hope don't come for me for this, but Jehovah Hip Witness like they don't. They can't show any sort of approval towards something that's considered like a sin. And so she's like, you already know how I feel about that. You know that it's against yeah, you know. And I was like okay, Mom. I was like, but can And it sucked because I hated to throw it in her face where I was like, Mom, you have cancer,
can you please do this for me? Like we have a videographer and it and it sucks when I think of our wedding and video because god In has sweet moments with her mom and I won't have those. And I took it very hard. And I think the last thing I told my mom was on that phone call. And it's gonna sound so harsh, but I told her if Sinlasco because it was hurtful for me, like this is the one thing I wanted from her, and it sucked.
And we didn't talk for like a year, over a year, and I try my best to not feel guilty for that year that we didn't talk. But I get a phone call from my mom, my sister actually one day, and she goes, I'm trying to respect your boundaries, but mom is not doing good. So we go and see my mom and I had never like when I saw her, just it wasn't my mom. Like she looked so sad, she looked so sick, She looked like like she was tired. She was she was super tired, and she just I
had never seen her like that. My mom was so strong. And I post about this when I go and visit her resting place, that she was such a diva, like such a diva. Nomas was Pastilla's but her nails were always done, her hair was always dyed, like she was always on top of what she shouldn't have been on top of, you know. And so it broke my heart to see her like that. And so we got to spend some time with her, and at that point, I think my mom didn't care either, and I didn't care either.
I didn't if my mom would have passed and she would have never said I'm sorry, I still would have been okay, which we did eventually. I how we said it. We laughed about it, and I just said that we were cabs onas we were like we we just felt like she felt like she was right. I felt like I was right, and I felt that it didn't matter seeing her in the place that she was at and just hearing her say like, I know that you're gonna take care of my daughter, like it meant a lot.
I know that she I felt like that was her proof, Like.
That's all you needed, that's literally all you asking.
Yeah, pretty much. It's like that I had to be under those circumstances, you know. But we were able to build a relationship with her towards the end, and you know, take her to her appointments. Your wife too, Yeah, same
with my wife. My wife and I took her to one of the appointments that broke my heart because I felt my mom was going through so many medical changes, her body was experienced so many things, and our parents are so private they don't want to let their own kids know anything, which parents don't do that, because we felt like my mom knew and she didn't want to tell us.
Like she knew she had a long time ago before.
We felt that she we at least personally for me, I don't know about my brothers and sisters. I felt like my mom knew. I felt like my mom knew she had a certain amount of time and she just didn't want to tell us. Because even at the hospital, she she didn't act like she was sick. She was just like, oh, to Machina Melancho, I'm gonna I'm gonna go to Mexico and I'm gonna do this. And she was strong. Told the very end, she she went when she wanted to, and she went how she wanted to.
So sona and stubborn. Oh my goodness. But yeah, we were able to fix so many things that I felt like we needed to. I got to learn that, you know, all this time, I gave credit to like my dad because my dad used to sing, and my grandma from my dad's side sings. But my mom told me, like she was like, p.
Did you ever hear her sing?
We sang, Oh my god, we sing together. Yeah, I have it. I still can't watch the video, but my sister recorded it. We were just she was talking like third person. She was talking and she was talking to my sister about me, even though I was in the room, and she was talking about like miha media and we just shared that like moment where I was like, Mom, you didn't tell me you sang like we could have sang songs together all this time, and she said, and yeah,
I mean she did. Like I knew her moods by the type of music she would have, so hmm.
Yeah, it's like, oh, she's pissed off today. Yeah, she's really sad today.
I will say, if La Bota was playing, it was gonna be a good day. If was playing, I was gonna be a good good day. Yeah. And random You're like, Dad, Yeah, I'm like, it's gonna make something she like or something.
I'm excited. Yeah, yeah it was. It was a really hard thing to go through, and I feel like I'm still kind of processing process and I won't I was a little shocked when I got your message because I have not been posting as often I feel like, which is okay, Yeah, it feels so, I don't know, it just feels wrong for me posting other things that don't move. Yeah, it feels a little wrong moving on.
Yeah, yeah, it feels too wrong, and it feels undeserving, at least for me. I get that. And I'm gonna tell you something, as obviously someone in the same position or understands what you're going through. You have to. I know you have to because it's gonna eat you alive. But in that process, you've got to acknowledge and face the emotions. You can't put them. Do not put them away? Do not. It'll haunt you in the back of your head for the rest of your life. I don't want
to say the rest of your life. That's because I'm so alive. But those thoughts don't haunt me anymore. But you know what I mean, Like, the more you bottle bottle it up, you start getting the anxiety, you start getting frustrated with life. You're like, what am I gonna do? Like no, And then you have to you have to get your head out of what would my mom do? Or how would my mom want this? Yeah? You know what I mean?
Yeah, And I don't.
Know do you feel guilt to this day, Like what do you feel it's guilty about? Or if there's anything.
Well, I write as soon as like everything happened, I did go into grief counseling because I just felt like it was super important to me. And my wife set everything up. She's like, Okay, you just got to show up and you don't have to. She's like, if you're ready, cool,
If you're not, then we can try again later. But my biggest thing was to not feel guilty for having my boundaries, like, because that was something really hard for me, Like had I not taken into personal knowing that she was never gonna change, or like if I also knew
that she was so sick, why was I so so ce? Yeah? Yeah, And I know certain people might be like, yeah, what you did was like messed up, but it was more like for me, I had just had enough at that point where I was like, momking, at least just this one thing, Like just this one thing. I just and I know it's something hard, and I know it's probably asking for a lot, but I really want you there. And I know you like my wife. I know you
like her. You just pushed yourself off so much, and unfortunately, I feel like a lot of it had to do with her religion, Like she pushed us so far away that I feel like it was super hard for her to ask for our help or ask for anything from us. And I mean I only felt really guilty for a little bit about the year not talking to her, Yeah, because I feel like I missed out on a lot. Yeah, and I could have spent more time with her, But
it was really hard. I was just you know, had she called me and we could have talked it out. I told her, I was like, Mom, I cried for you, like over a year. I cried for you, and I felt like I lost her and I grieved her before she passed, and then I had to grieve her again. So it was a fear of mine and it came true, unfortunately. But even she said it. She's like, yes, yes, we are almost and bought a gibs, which you know, she's likeas you had to learn it from someone, which is just me.
And I want to say that I am at peace with how she left, because she left with how she wanted to. Like I mentioned she was, she was so afraid of with cancer, like with losing her hair. She was afraid of doctors telling her, you know you're gonna leave this day in particular, and even when they had told us, your mom only has two days. She lasted us two weeks because she went when she wanted to go.
That's so scary.
Yeah, she uh, she fought hard and even she was still stubborn. Yeah, but I that's why I think I'm at peace with it, because she she left when she wanted to go.
You think it would have been different if you didn't talk to her, for sure?
Right, definitely. Yeah, And that's why my sister she actually talked to my wife. I was like, this is what's going on, and I don't know how to tell her because I want to respect her boundaries. And then I called my sister. She's like, I didn't want to tell you.
Of course, but.
I just I had to like.
No, yeah, all right, you guys, we're gonna go on a quick break and we'll be right back with Miriam. Welcome back, you guys. There reminds me a lot of my sister's story, you know, yeah, where her and my mom didn't get to talk and then my mom you said exactly the same thing. She grieved her already then, and she grieved her again when she passed away, but without saying a word, you know. And I think that's what's harder is that I love that God gave you
that opportunity. Yeah, the rere deem and to be able to talk to her and hear her and provide you and heal a part of you because you didn't go in thinking that she was gonna approve or whatever. No, you were going as a daughter, like to support her and be there whatever. But that was just the extra gift, Yeah, because that was given to you.
Because even then, when when my wife told me, she's like, I'm going to have to tell you, and it's not going to be easy, but I know you. She's like, I know you, and if I don't tell you, I know what it's going to do to you. I know how it's going to affect you. And so when she told me, I was like, no, I don't believe it. I don't I don't believe it. And when I went to go see her, my wife and my sister went with me, and all I could do was just sit and cry because I'm like, that is not my mom.
Like she was.
She was bad, pretty different.
She was bad, and it it sucked. It sucked, and I felt like I didn't get to spend as much time with her because I'm the youngest. Everyone else did and yeah, yeah, she's only sixty five too, so I felt like she was still pretty pretty decently young, you know.
But fuck those doctors man cancer. Yeah, I like anytime I heard and like I hear a story about cancer and just like it's I just feel like it's not Maybe that's just me, But do you have any like like what is your greeving process? Like now, do you have anger towards something like what's like your biggest concern or like what I.
Felt like certain for one, I felt like certain things didn't add up to me, and something that I do talk about on Live. As soon as like this whole situation happened with my mom and I felt comfortable going back on Live. I talk a lot to like the parents and La Signoras, and because I know a lot of them watch me where I'm like, just be truthful.
It's gonna suck, it's gonna hurt, and please let your kids advocate for you, because I just feel like being a minority, like you have to speak up for your parents. Certain things are not gonna make sense. Certain things aren't gonna add up, and.
They're not in the right space either to certain decisions.
And I felt that's how we were because even her doctor that she trusted so so much, he never once came in and checked in on her towards the end. But a lot of the people who took care of my mom, towards them, they were really sweet. There's some that you know, they saw us and they're like, I'm really sorry. She was so sweet. I'm so sorry for your loss. But I did have quite a bit of anger towards it, yeah, because I'm like, did they not
do enough for her? Was she just so far beyond like getting any sort of healing to where you're just like, yeah, yes with the persona mass and you know, it is what it is. Because I felt that it just happened so quick out of nowhere. She was like super good and then boom, in six months, all of a sudden, she passed. And a month prior to her passing, she had gone to the hospital and she was there and not once had they told us like her cancer spreading. We found this, We found that.
There was a lot of blurred lines. Yeah, that's why I like, I don't know, maybe that's just my trauma talking as well, but like, because my dad had passed away in the hospital and like pneumonia and he was I didn't get to talk to him, like I just I just feel like, yeah they could. I don't want to put the blame all on doctors. Yeah right, yeah, because there's only so much that they can do. But then there's I always feel like there's like a hidden agenda.
Yeah you know, because again because and it's crazy you said that because that was her main thing. It was pneumonia. Yeah, it was. It just kind of took over her body and it made everything else weak. But even by then her cancer was spreading and so they were just like it sounds so harsh. How they said it to One of my sisters was just like felt kidneys for that looks like a body that's just ready to go. And I'm like, they told you, like I don't like that.
I don't like that.
No, And I was like, okay, cool, it seems.
So insensitive, Like which is their job, like to be more sensitive, to be there, to do the most that they can to comfort you or whatever.
Yeah, they are there.
Make it the worst experience.
There is some things that I still have, like anger about I felt like when my mom finally passed, it wasn't me. For me, maybe maybe for them it was a lot longer, but for me it felt like five minutes until they came after like, so, do you guys have her funerals? Ad, I'm like, we're still crying, we're still processing or still having all this hope and then being like, so have you picked out what funeral home she's gonna go to? Like no, because I don't want to get.
The chills, and it just like bothers me so much. Yeah, oh my gosh, yes, because like you're never you're never prepared. No, nothing's ever gonna prepare you for that moment ever, ever, ever, ever, ever in your life. Obviously, yes, those things should be
already like maybe planned whatever not. In that moment, though, I feel like there's a time and the place for everything and there's no rush, like your emotions have to go through so many process like a huge process, like first she passed away, Oh, now I gotta worry about the casket. Now I gotta worry about what's gonna happen with the house, let's say, or whatever, you.
Know what I mean.
And it's like, so now you're here, in this moment, sitting in a chair and it's like all coming back again, and it's like you think about one thing, it's like you're processing that one and then tomorrow you're gonna be thinking about it something else. And it's just like it shouldn't have to be that way.
No, you know, And I don't know if maybe hopefully it's not an insensitive question, I'll ask, But for me, a few days before my mom passed, like I just woke up crying. I felt it in my chest, like something was just not right. And in one of the weeks that she was in the hospital, I had gone to another podcast and I was like, mam will be back in three days. I won't be long. And the doctors had told me, oh, yeah, she's getting better, her numbers are looking great, and I was like, cool, I
can leave. I had a really good time with my friend Danny. I felt like I really needed those laughs. But the day that I landed, I felt heavy. The day that I woke up, I just felt like my chest was just like something was so heavy, and all I could do was cry, and I was like, I need to go see my mom. I need to go see her like now, like it was a sign. And it was that same day when they told us like, it's not looking great and we're gonna have to start picking out where she's gonna go. And I was like,
where she's gonna go? Like where is she gonna come home? And they could take care of her there or they're like no, like where her where her body's gonna go.
It's harder because there's a lot of brothers and sisters yeah involved, right, Yes, a lot of opinions, a lot of he did I'm assuming, tension, just a lot of emotions, and it feels like you feel helpless, and.
No one talks about that really, of the emotions that everyone is going through, especially when there's more kids involved, and sucks when your family, like your parent, doesn't leave anything clear for you. It was such a hard thing to go through, where even for a little bit, I did have to distance myself from my brothers and sisters to be like, hey, none of all these things, they're not gonna being my mom back, and so I don't
really care what happens. All I care about is that she's she's in her resting place and she doesn't have to worry about anything, and we're good. And like when you guys figure out what you guys want to do. Then we could talk, but I didn't really care for anything.
But I even with other friends that I've talked about that I've lost a parent, it's it becomes so bad sometimes, and I wish that it wouldn't be like that, because it's already so hard losing someone and then having to worry about things that is, things that are not important.
To be honest, No, and I a thousand percent agree. And I think the one couple things I can tell you is that death is always going to be a factor. It's always going to be there, and it's always it can make or break a relationship. You know, people get divorced because of it, people break up or people. Now I'm not saying you specifically, you're family. I'm saying relationships in general. Yeah, the relationship with your family, like it could really you know, it might not ever be the
same or it maybe it is. But everyone has I think you have to understand every but he has to understand everyone has their own healing process. You know. Definitely mine was different with my siblings because I had already lost a dad. You know, then obviously you know, relationships with people like you see life very differently. Like it's like nothing scares you. Nothing's like nothing's going to hurt you as bad as this, And I guess that's kind
of like the good thing. And I always say this, it's like, these are the moments are going to make you stronger and that are going to push you and that are going to lead you somewhere. And I know that it sounds bad because it you know, it took
someone to pass away for this to happen. But I think that's the beautiful thing about God's plan and that's you know me personally, Like God's plan does have a beautiful ending and a beautiful way of showing you that life isn't over, you know what I mean, because it feels like it's over, yeah, because it feels like it's you're never gonna gain it back and that you are just just a loss soul, like like what am I
gonna do? You know? And there's gonna be moments where you wish you had her to see these things, you know, and I can. I could tell you so many things, but I think more importantly is take it day by day.
Definitely take the grief.
And I'm gonna tell you, and it's gonna sound harsh, and I say it to everybody, like I've told only this pain is never gonna end. Yeah, you know, it's gonna live with you. Grief. Grief is a life going, ongoing process. It's just a part of you know. Yeah, it's a part of who you are. And you're gonna live with it. You're gonna lead it, You're gonna carry it and move forward in your life.
Yeah, because I had even seen a quote before that too that people tend to struggle a lot more with grief because they try to be the person that they want to were. Yes, but you're never going to be the same after that. So yes, And so that's where I'm like, I get it. And I think definitely getting that counseling was very helpful. I definitely still think I'm gonna need more, for sure, because there's still so much more to learn, there's still so much more to heal.
Yeah, A thousand agree. And I love that your wife did that for you.
She's my mom was wrong for sure. I could tell you that she didn't take care of me, And.
I think it's super power because I wish I did it sooner, you know, Like I barely look my mom passed away. It's gonna be twelve years ago. I barely started. I barely feel like I forgave or let go, let go, like maybe a year or two ago. And but it's it's it's different, not different, but it's different because it's different, but it's not. And I think because I get the constant reminder like every day and stuff like people posting and all that, and then there's birthdays. It's just different.
But anyways, it is, it's super important, like it is a process that keeps going. And I'm grateful. I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful because I've learned to be very strong, like I like, I feel like if these things that it happened to me, I would be very very weak, weak minded. And wherever you're going or wherever you're meant to be in your life, this is preparing you for it. And you know, musically or whatever you want to do, and that era like you're always going to keep her
in the back of your head. And remember, I don't know, take it as another opportunity singing for your mom or with your mom, you know what I mean. But on a lighter note, on a lighter note, music wise, what is your plan what do you want to do? What's the goal or what what's the I know it's like, you know you're getting into it, like what are you feeling?
I don't know. That's fine, I don't know. I personally it's because Okay, I come from Oregon, and I know that there's quite a bit of boudoopos out in Oregon or Vandas. But I feel this is just from my personal experience, because people come at me for this all the time. I feel like it's still so hard for me to be accepted in it. You know, I don't dress really I don't. I don't dress typical. I have like under these long sleeves, I have like tattoos, and
I have certain piercings. And it's just you would you wouldn't look at me be like, she can't sing Manda, she can't sing Madiacci.
And then she's like, let me show you that I can't.
And so I'm still trying to figure out how I can get myself in to the music. You know, I
love doing covers. I've sang you know, for events, I've sang for some like CUTTI bills like just opening, and I would love to record eventually like I think that's one of my biggest dreams, is to finally record some music, whether it be like a cover album or or something in general that I can give to like my supporters who love you know, there's times where I'm on live for two hours just singing to them and trying to come could get in and I don't know, I I
that's always been a dream of mind to to sing, yeah, and to do something like that, and so I would love to do that.
I feel like it'd be cool if you were part of like if you lied. I don't know, I feel like I see in Mariacci, but I feel like because I've heard your voice in that and I love it, Like it's so like you have the perfect voice for that. So what if like there was like a group, like a Mariacci group, you know, like who will mean Laszivas? But yeah, what if the you yeah like that but obviously you could dress and whatever you could, you know, but what if it was part of like the LGBT community.
There is actually have you heard? Have you heard of mariachis.
Is?
Actually I love their name because it's so creative coites, but it's all just LGBTQ members.
Like why don't you do that? There's no like.
They're all out here everything. So I'm telling you Oregon, I love you, Oregon. I love you guys, but it's hard. There's like two Mariachi's out there. It's all like more old school, and so I've sang with certain Mariachi's like Dinner's one of bos, and then that's it, you know, and it's like, you know, if you need a member,
let me know. But I know that there's definitely morepportunities here, Yeah, for sure, because I believe one of the members from Mariaccillas Dibas followed me too, and she's like, let me know when you're out here, and one from Mariaccia too, And I even think like an all female Mariacci is like pretty cool. Yeah. Just anything that involves women and like just kind of taking over a little bit is just so exciting for me because I think it's really cool.
I feel like I could see her at like Disney Pride Month Mariacci's right there and all that stuff. That'd be so dope.
I've never been to Disney, so I would love to experience. Yeah, I've never been. I went to uh Universal Studios and it was okay, okay, it it was okay, I get like very emotion sick and it was all virtual.
So yeah, yeah, and so it was.
Just like, if I'm gonna get if I'm gonna get motion sickness, can it actually be like an actual ride? Please?
So I feel like that it's like a one Yeah, No, I don't, I don't.
I like it.
I agree, But yeah, I definitely see you doing something like that and obviously bigger, you know, but right now I could see you, Like I don't know, I feel like if you were in some type of rupo or some you made something mm hmm, I don't know. I feel like it could do really good, Like with your voice, Like you're the type of you have the type of voice that I would hire money actually just for the fuck of it to get drunk and and like you know what, like you would be booked out all the time.
You would be expensive as shit.
Because because honestly, like some of my biggest inspirations growing up, well, it started with Rood and there was just something about that. I was like, dude, it gets you right, And I was just like, but she seems so good really quick?
Is it different now that you sing it or hear it.
I can't even sing it right now. I agree, I can't even sing it right now, to be honest, because people will ask me for it and they'll be like, she can't sing you guys, not right now. Eventually one
day I will. But no, like it started with Rosio then because the rasp in her voice, but performance wise, not just because it's you, but your mom, dude, Like your mom was just so like, with all due respect to this my little sash, she like loved doing her doing whatever she wanted to do, and like I actually quote a lot of her sayings just because I'm like, dude, what wouldould I do? Like honestly, like what was she
doing in certain things? Because I felt like when I first started TikTok too, because you know, with me getting fired, this person was super like offensive towards me, came for me for my looks and like what are you a
he she? What are you? Like? It was just horrible, right, and so the beginning of it was a lot, a lot, a lot of hate and it sucked because like on certain ones I was really sensitive to it where I was like, you don't have to be on here, like if you don't like me, if you don't like the way I dress, like why are you on here? Right? And so I took it really hard. But then I started like looking at that like Chinese didn't care, like and if you were gonna say something to her, like
say to her face, you know. And so that's something that I would love to do, like have a little bit of classic like Juangabrielle style, but then also have like second at tequila and like yeah, so I like love that type of style where you can be a little bit this my little side, a little bit classy.
And don't put yourself in a box.
No, I like doing everything.
Yeah, don't put yourself in a box. You have a free open space. I'm gonna pray and I hope many more opportunities come for you. You know, Hofully, your voice deserves it. I'm a huge advocate for you know, women, B TQ and singing and all that stuff. Like I believe in your dream and your vision. I don't know, I feel like what else would be cool? Like maybe she's Hagar, would you know what did I Was I the one that told her? Or did I send it to you? Or who sent her? The one? When she
came up with the idea for the tour. She knows now I told you, I told you I was gonna do it, and I think I did. I don't know whatever. But anyways, what if like he taught like what if he did teaching classes for people.
I don't I personally learned my ear So I don't know.
Anyway, something I don't know.
I just keep let me because even even with Johnny, like he's seen some of my covers and I think one time he did comment He's like I want to do a song with you, and so I'm like looking forward to it where I'm like Johnny Eveando. But I also like don't like pressuring people. I say that to people all the time, Like people will be like, oh, well, why didn't they do this? Why didn't they do that. It's like they have lives and they didn't promise anything.
They don't have to. And even if they just left the comment like be happy with that, Like you can't really you can't exact, yeah, because I and I say it all the time, like even most recently I've done another video where like are they gonna invite you? Are they gonna invite you? Where it's like but they're going through stuff too. Like people are people, they're still regular, just doesn't mean that they have to respond to you right away or they have to do it in that instant.
And I don't know. I feel like you guys have done so much for me already that like I'm grateful for whatever.
So I appreciate. Thank you so much for coming and it was such an honor.
Thanks.
What is your socials? Mainly TikTok right.
Mainly TikTok is Miriam underscorezzle okay, and then you can find me on Instagram under Underscore as well. I believe YouTube under Miriam Lopez. Just be on the lookout for that because I haven't posted anything recently, but I want to get on there.
We're grieving out here, guys, taking time.
We're taking care.
No, but thank you again, so so so much. I appreciate it, and I'm gonna I wish you the best and every every aspect and that you're I know you're going to change some You're going to change the world in some very specific way, and it's going to be the Miriam way.
Yes, your way, Yes.
I love it. Well, Thank you so much. Make sure you guys like comment, subscribe and I will see you guys next Tuesday. Overcome for Podcast is a production of I Heart maculturap har Cast Network