When Your Body Doesn’t “Bounce Back” ft. @ChoosingChelsea

so happy to be here. It's possible you already follow Chelsea on Instagram. She's choosing Chelsea will put her information below just in case you don't. But you all have been asking for somebody to come on and talk about the postpartum experience. And who better or than freshly in that postpartum experience than Chelsea. Chelsea shares it all on social media, and I think you just do a really good job of being you, which is kind of hard to do on social media when especially in the world

that can you know, pick you apart. So congratulations and we can't wait to hear about how you're doing. Thank you thank you so much. That's what a great introduction. And yeah, I mean it's hard to be you, but also I don't know how to not be, so sometimes it feels like I just don't have a filter. But that's fine. Well you've been doing it just like that for years and going through your big life transitions has been interesting. So you have two daughters now, yes, my

older daughters twelve. I had her when I was seventeen, so a baby, having a baby, and I just had my newborn at the end of March and she's almost three months, so yeah, twelve year age gaps. It's literally like starting all over again. Everything feels brand new, including the postpartum experience and assume, oh yeah, it's such a blur.

And I only remember like the recovery part from the being postpartum with my first and I just remember being like I didn't know I was gonna like bleed for that, Like you just don't You're not taught all this stuff, and so much was like a surprise to me. I was like, wait, it's gonna sting horribly when I pe for the next like however many weeks because of who knows what happened down below and uh so, yeah, but now, yeah,

it's so much more. It feels like it's hard to even put it into words, but it's a whole new experience. And you've been so proactive about body image over the last I don't know, we've been following each other for many years. I imagine when you were seventeen, your body image woes were different than your body image woes now twelve years later after your second Or is it the same despite the amount of work that you put into

you know, loving yourself. No, it's so different. And just for like a little bit of background, my my Instagram page started as like a fitness account and like a weight loss account, and then as I went through that journey, I transitioned into more of you know, self love, body acceptance, body confidence, trying to find that happy middle ground. And then I transcentioned this new postpartument period. And when I was seventeen, I had always been like a bigger girl.

I carried a lot more weight. I was always very chubby, and since I was seventeen, I actually spent a majority of my pregnancy hiding my pregnancy. I didn't even tell my mom or anyone in my family. I was pregnant until I was six and a half months pregnant, so I wasn't really focusing on my body at all except for just trying to like hide it, and I was able to mask it pretty well because I was a little bigger. And then after that, I wasn't really looking

at my body. I wasn't taking a lot of pictures, I wasn't focusing on my body very much at all. But then I continued to just gain so much weight after that pregnancy because I kind of kept eating as if I was pregnant still, so that started my whole weight loss journey after gaining a ton of weight from that.

But this time around, I've had so much more of a focus on my body the entire time because I'm always taking pictures, I'm showing up online, I'm sharing about my body image and trying to be accepting of my body. And it's so much more like in the field of vision when it's become part of my brand and what

I talk about. And then that opens me up to be more self critical about my my postpartum body because I can really see the difference between what it looks like now and what it looks like before I got pregnant, and then you know, add into the fact that a pandemic hit months before I got pregnan in and not throw things through a loop with my body too. So it's been interesting to see the least. You put up a recent post on Instagram and this is the caption

that was with it. What I hear and you quoted things you hear from people. You look amazing, you don't even look like you had a baby. I wish I look like that postpartum breastfeeding will have you losing all that extra weight in no time. And then you wrote the reality, I don't feel amazing. I do look like I just had a baby. You see this hair and the bags under my eyes? Right? I wish I look like a lot of people postpartum. But do I really not so much? Do I want to be them? Nope?

Is it weight loss my goal of breastfeeding? No? And does it always help you lose weight? Also no. Remember we don't always see the full picture. Everything has so much more depth to it than what you see on

the outside. I chose this post to bring up I always like to scroll through people's instagrams and see if I can paint a picture of kind of who the person is, what they're about with their Instagram feed has on there, and you know made me think of something Lisa and I tried to concentrate on here in our outweigh family is like, first of all, just commenting on

people's bodies in general. So like when when people have said things to you, maybe even while you were pregnant and postpartum, how do you handle that, Like if someone says, oh, breastfeeding will have you lose that weight in no time, Like do you just kind of let that go or is it a time to maybe help educate them on commenting about people's bodies or how do you handle that personally?

It's crazy because I think during pregnancy and maybe at the beginning of my postpartum journey, that would give me a little grain of hope because you know, we still have that ingrained in us, like, oh, having that weight loss would be great, Like I would love to get you know, a little bit of my body back as as it was, so that old part of your brain

is like, oh, hopefulness. But then the reality sets in when you realize that not only do a lot of people not lose weight by breastfeeding, but a lot of them gain weight from breastfeeding because you're having to nurture your body so much more to help with the milk production for the baby, which I didn't realize how common this was until actually I posted that, and I scrolled through all the comments, and I saw how many women were like, I can't stand when I hear that, because

it's not true. It wasn't true for me. I gained weight while breastfeeding, and it hurts to hear that. And so now when it comes up, I do try to, you know, gently educate and be like, you know, that's actually not true. A lot of women don't lose weight by breastfeeding, or the opposite happened, so it's not really true. I love that when you said that that you had

to nurture your body more. I think that's an important way to describe it, because some people are like they might have in their head like oh, I can't stop eating, I'm just eating this or craving this or craving that. But really, when it comes down to your orchering your body and giving it the calories that it needs to produce the milk and feed another life, yeah, exactly. As a nurse and somebody who at least for the last few years. I know your journey has transitioned a bit

from where it started, which is natural. You're somebody that fights diet culture every day by showing up and sharing your story. How do you fight the culture of people saying, oh, you should breastfeed because you'll lose weight. Like, let's just say that was a fact, which we now know it's not right. But let's just say every time every woman that breastfeed loses weight. How do we get those two apart so that women want to breastfeed and get the

joys of breastfeeding, assuming it's joyful. I don't know, but you know, I'm sure it comes with lots of difficulty as well. But how can we separate those two in conversation and go back to what breastfeeding is really about? Yeah? I think it ultimately comes down to what is the point of breastfeeding and the point of breastfeeding how absolutely nothing to do with your weight. Breastfeeding is to feed your baby, so your baby gains weight or your baby

is nourished. Like, that is what it comes down to, And I think people often forget that with that statement because we're just so ingrained to feel like we need to bounce back, we need to get our body back, and so they're like, this can help, this will do it, and they say it as like, I don't know, to make you feel good or to keep you hopeful. It's it's very bizarre, and I'm like, who planting that idea

and like made that something that everyone things happens. Were they trying to get more people to breastfeed from that? I just don't understand. I mean, I'm sitting here starting to wonder if that was something that was planted just to yeah, make women feel better about doing it, or it is like a goal to like make it happen so that in their head they're like, Okay, I'm doing this, I'm doing this. And it's almost like sometimes I've I've never been praying in it. So I'm just speaking here.

I do have two children that they're adopted, and I'm trying to think, like, shouldn't the real thing be if you do choose to breastfeed. Some people may not, which is totally their choice, but shouldn't the real focus be, Oh, I'm I can't wait to breastfeed so that I can

have that crazy connection with my child. Instead what we have grown up hearing is, Oh, I can't wait to breastfeed because it will help me lose a few of these pounds, which I am appreciative of certain people in the spotlight that are saying I don't want to have my pre baby body back, Like I'm gonna stop saying

that to myself. Like Marion Morris was in the news a couple of months ago saying, you know, admitting that she was someone that had said, maybe not even publicly, but to herself like I'm working to get my pre baby body back. And she she has quite the following and has so many girls that look up to her and women that I was so thankful to hear her post and say, yeah, I'm gonna stop saying that to myself.

And some of it, yeah, you like you have a very online presence, so you're able to speak into people, but sometimes it's the narrative that we have quietly in our head, like people might be thinking, oh, I need to get my my pre baby body back, And thank you for being part of helping change that narrative. And and it's hard because I'm myself, I'm not comfortable in my new postpartum body. It feels very strange. I feel disconnected a little bit. It's starting to be better now,

but it's this whole new person. It's like you birth of baby, and you're getting to know this baby that grew inside you for nine months, and you're able to get excited about the changes happening in your body through that nine months because you're seeing the growth of your baby happen. But then you have this new baby who

you just love and adore. But then you kind of birth this new you at the same time mine that you're trying to get to know that you're not used to your clothes don't fit, things, just don't feel comfortable. Add onto the fact that you you can't work out, you are probably eating differently than you were before, definitely more sporadically. You're you're probably snacking, eating less, eating more, doing whatever you can. Basically you're in survival mode at first,

and you're probably not getting as much sunshine. Just so many changes, so many changes are happening that are impacting not only your physical appearance, but how you feel internally. That also affects your body image. I don't know about you, but it doesn't matter how I actually look if I'm not moving my body, eating well in a way that makes me feel good, getting some decent sunshine, I feel like crap. And if I feel like crap, I look in the mirror. It doesn't matter if I look great,

quote unquote great or what not. I'd be like, Oh, my body not a fan right now. It's not a fan because I don't feel good inside. And I think that that's something that's so many new moms struggle with, where they just don't feel good because of all these new elements, and it often is reflected in their body image because that's the easiest thing they can pinpoint. Because they look in the mirror and they don't look the same, They don't look like they used to. They see a

stranger looking back at them. They're exhausted, they have this new life and and it's hard. And so then you have that little voice in the back of your head like things would be so much easier if at least my body was what it used to be. Things would be so much easier if I could just fit into my clothes again, and and if something couldn't be normal again.

And so it is this very difficult, delicate balance of I want to feel good and I want to look a certain way because that's how I'm comfortable, and then trying to navigate. Let's break that down, what's going on? Do I really want to look that way? Do I need something else? It's very complicated and complex, and I'm trying to figure it out myself because I wasn't super comfortable in my body, but for many of those reasons, because I wasn't moving, I wasn't eating properly, and I

wasn't getting outside, and I just felt like crap. It's so interesting because it's such a natural process for a woman. I'm putting that in air quotes so everyone could hear that I'm doing that. But I never realized how disregulating those first few weeks are. When you said, you know,

a new mom is exhausted. She says no sleep, She has probably no access to nourishing meals because that takes time, you know, no access to sunshine, and then all of a sudden, you know, you look in the mirror and you blame it all on the way you look when there's so many things, like you said, components that make you feel good. But body image is such a low hanging fruit, the one that we're allowed to complain about

the one that we're allowed to work on. And I love this post that you did about your prey Nancy clothes. You said, I have no idea when I'll fit into my pre pregnancy clothes or if I'll ever fit into them. And while I could continue to wear leggings and oversized clothes, I'm sick of not feeling cute, so I went shopping. There's been more failures than successes. There's been a lot of sizing up. It has not been the most fun experience.

But now I have some clothes that fit me as I am now in the body that I have now, and that feels good. I'm not saying I always love how I look in these new clothes, but I can

be okay in them, and for now, that's enough. And there's just so much in that post to really savor and digest, because it, first of all, applies to all women who are experiencing a change in their body that are frustrated every time they go to try on clothing that want to feel cute, but instead of putting on oversized clothing because they think they shouldn't invest in something for now, And there's nothing wrong with looking cute putting on clothes that fit you now and being okay with

your body just as it is in this moment. So I I personally just really thank you for that post too, because I can't imagine how many women recently pregnant or not are just like, yes, I should go get clothes that fit me now. Maybe not an entire new wardrobe, because I don't know where this body is going, but I want to feel good tomorrow walking out the door. Yeah. Yeah.

And I actually I was a little heartbroken because I put up a pole and I was or a little question box, and I was like, how long did you wait after baby to go shopping again and buy new clothes, And the amount of responses saying, I'm a year postpartum, I still haven't going shopping, I'm still wearing my maternity clothes, or I'm still wearing the same leggings and baggy shirt that I have been this whole time, and so many responses like that, and you can just tell that they

just don't feel good about themselves and that they're like afraid to go shopping, They're afraid to go try on those new clothes, or they're holding out hope, they're waiting they're waiting to get their body back and to fit into their old clothes again, which, like I said, I

don't know if it's ever going to happen. Not only does your body get bigger in the obvious places, but it kind of shifts shape a little bit too, Like you're not the same proportions that you were before, So you're kind of having to figure out how to address a newly proportioned body and not just a bigger body, if that makes sense. So it just it made me really sad to see how many people were just not excited to go shopping. And I get it. It can

be scary, it could be intimidating. It's taken me a really long time to go from trying in the target dressing room when I try and close that don't fit me, because for so long you try and close they don't fit, you think you're the problem. You think your body is the problem, instead of realizing that piece of clothing is the problem. Um, I either need to find a different piece of clothing or try on a different size in that clothing that actually works for my body, not the

other way around. And I've now realized that I'm going to have so many more failures of shopping experiences than successes. Shopping takes so much patience. It takes going into it knowing that, hey, a lot of this stuff is probably not gonna fit. I'm not gonna love how it looks on me because it's not the right piece of clothing for me, and just saying Okay, this isn't it. Moving on, Let's try the next thing until you find the thing

you love. But it's so easy to just get overwhelmed by the negative shopping experiences that it makes you want to avoid it completely, and then you miss out on all these awesome pieces of clothes that might make you feel really good because you don't want to go through it. It can be such a gut wrenching experience in so many of these places where the lighting is just extra awful and you're like fighting with tags that are stuck on your body because it's too small of a garment.

You know, there's just so many things that make it really uncomfortable. But I love what you said about knowing that you're going to have more failures than successes. Like also just knowing that majority of the things that you put on are just not gonna work and that shape shifting,

like you said, that's happening, your body is changing. Makes it even more challenging because normally you might know that, let's say a line dresses look good on your body, right, and then you're walking into this store and you have no even just being in pregnancy, like the style of dress. I have no idea how to dress myself, And it's just it's interesting to kind of go into it with the mindset of knowing, Hey, we're gonna give this a go. We're not going to be attached to the outcomes, and

we're just going to find things that work just for today. Yeah, yeah, exactly. In this postpartum space for you, how have you dealt with any or have you dealt with any internal struggles with certain people that you follow or stuff you come across on Instagram of like comparison with other people that

are postpartum. I just didn't know if you could speak to that at all and offer encouragement to people that may find themselves in that position, whether pregnant now or in postpartum, or might be pregnant one day, or just even comparison online in general, What do you do to help protect your brain from any thoughts. Oh yeah, And it's so hard because while I used to compare my body all the time to other people that I saw online,

that hasn't necessarily been the top of mind. But I definitely catch myself comparing myself to others with a bunch of different other things. And I don't know how it happened, but I have so many friends online in a similar space that I am, and everyone just happened to get pregnant at this same time and had babies all around the same time. And it's so bizarre but also so amazing.

But then that also leaves you compare are in yourselves, whether you know, because Instagram is a business and it can be so hard to see, you know, engagement differences and brand partnership differences and stuff like that where some people are creating this what I think is like really amazing content, and I'm like, how do you have the energy? How do you have the energy? Like I can't even get dressed today, Like how are you writing these amazing captions?

And you read a couple of good ones, I'm like, hey, I have another one. Okay, I put some good stuff out there, but for the most problem, like how are you how are you doing this? And then I just fall down this spiral of feeling like I'm inadequate or feeling like I'm not good enough. And I'm sure you

must know Sarah of the Bird's Papaya. I don't know why, but me and all my other friends, we we can't help but compare ourselves to her because she's just like this anomaly, superhuman on Instagram, and we all kind of she's a friend of mine. I love her so much and I look up to her. And it's hard because we were all kind of in a similar spaces her and then and then she exploded, and she's doing all these incredible, amazing things, and it can feel like what am I doing wrong? Or what why am I not

doing amazing things? Or why am I not as likable? Which can be so mind boggling. And and something that from a personal level has been a little difficult is my my twelve girl didn't have the best bonding with the baby at first. It took a really long time for her to warm up to the baby, and from watching Sarah and her older kids just like seemed like they were absolutely in love with her new baby, seeing that special relationship and bond that they were going through.

It was really hard for me when mine were not having that same kind of bond. And so it's just like stuff like that that you wouldn't think about. Are are definitely challenges that you don't anticipate when you're just watching people on Instagram, you know. Yeah, comparison sneaks in in in a lot of different ways. And I will say I have a brother who's sixteen years younger than me, and I was really piste off when he was born,

and then I really do love him. So I will say that good relation tips take a little bit of

you know, cultivation time. Yeah, and things are things that I could talk about it now because things are much better now, But for a while it was like, oh no, But I think you bring up a good point that it's just so easy to compare, even to compare to people that you're so happy for, and especially in the new moms space when you're so tired, but you know, it's so hard and and you're somebody that shows up for other new moms, you know, that's what your account

is about. That It's like, it's not even like you comparing yourself to anyone else. It's about why can't I continue to show up in the way that I used to serve. I can personally relate to that being frustrating from my own life experiences, and it's just so easy to to get caught up in that. So comparison comes in all different shapes and sizes, you know, so to speak.

It's not just about oh, this person bounced back, It's about, oh, this person's brain went back to working faster than my brain went to work back working, and that can feel so frustrating. Oh you nailed it, you nailed it, so yeah, exactly. I love that your Instagram description is sugar and spice with a dash of sass, and that you're into realistic

wellness and some motherhood messiness. And I just think your Space, you've done a really great job with it, and you're giving so many of your people, your followers and hopefully some new ones that come and follow you after today, just that permission to to be themselves right where they are, just to meet themselves right where they're at, and be okay with that. I know, I'm super thankful for it. I think that it takes a special type of person to kind of show show up in all all of

their ways, and you do it so well. I mean sometimes I'll even like I don't put probably as much of my life on Instagram. I have other outlets where people learn more about me. And I've worked in radio for fifteen years and I'm on air, so it's it's that's more of my space. But there is something about having a visual with it too, and even your videos, Like I've just watched so many of your stories and instantly felt comforted, and I'm like, this is where it's at.

This girl's keeping it real because I've watched some mother mothers and they are making it seem like they just have it all together, and like motherhood is so easy and simple, and I just think that you're doing it well. So I want to say that I look up to you just as you may look up to uh Sarah, Well, thank you. That means a lot, and shout out to my Instagram bio. I'm like, what's what's my point here? So Amy? Can you read the other social media posts

that you liked of oh the other one that I pulled? Yes, I can. Yeah, hopefully Chelsea is fine with us just like reading her words back to her, But it's really for everybody else for the world all right now. This one is from January, and Chelsea wrote, my body was the epicenter of my brand for so many years, from building this page based on my weight lust journey to

learning to accept my body. It's always focused on my body, explaining why it wasn't okay, explaining why it was, to talking about why I didn't like it, how I was learning to love it. But all roads led back to my body being the focus, and while being okay with my body and myself in general, will always be a part of my story that I will continue exploring. It never has and never will be the full thing. Like we all know by now, we are so much more

than our bodies. Sometimes in this space it doesn't feel like I can talk about anything else because that's all I've done for so long, and it just doesn't resonate as much anymore because frankly, I don't want to think about my body day every day. It can be rather exhausting, to be honest. So here's to a future of my body being only part of my story and not the

sole focus. I had goose bumps while I read that out loud, so sorry that I just yelled into the microphone, But I mean that is that's the kind of content you're going to get from ling people. I think that was one of my favorite posts that I ever put out there, because I felt like after saying that that I was kind of like drawing a line in the sand that I was moving forward with talking about my

body less. And that was really scary, actually, because then I felt like I was going to be judged if I did talk about my body, or that I was going to have my content hyper focused on what is she doing that or is she not? And it was also freeing because I had been feeling that way for

a very very long time. And I know many other people who who started out like I did with either a fitness weight loss account, transition to a similar places me and and feel very similar, but they're afraid to integrate other different types of content because people love that. People love to see if you talking about your body, people sharing their cellulie and stretch marks and all that stuff.

They love it, and the algorithm loves it. And not doing that, it's kind of it can hinder your brand a little bit too, And it's scary, and I think it's it's hard because it's so emotionally draining to have to feel like you have to talk about that all the time, and it can just have a really negative impact on your mental health. And then, like I said, you're you're just hyper focusing on your body, so then

you end up being more self critical. Or if you're having a bad body image day, then you feel like you're failing because you're talking about how you're supposed to have good body image and it's just it's all disaster. I think there's so much authenticity laced into that, And in the beginning of Instagram, it was kind of like, if you show your imperfections all the time, that's the

most authentic thing you can do. But like you said, when you start to build your brand on that, but then all of a sudden, it's like, wait, that's not what I'm thinking about all the time, but it's what I'm posting all the time because it's what people like. To really go back to what you like, your journey, your reality, which could be a funny caption. Sometimes I really enjoy your short captions. You're one liners that I think like that to me is who you are. You're

you know, you said, what was it? What was the bio sugar and spiced with a little set. I messed up sugar and spice and a little bits. Yeah, it's a little bit of sass, you know when you're you're getting it in there and you're a full person, And it truly feels like like Amy said, like when you watch your stories, it feels real seeing somebody just share

their imperfections. And I think even like really long quotes while I'm short, resonates with each person differently from a creator point of view, I just feel you on that where it's like we're a well rounded human being. We need to show all of those well rounds and not chase the algorithm because of you know what performs well, yeah, exactly, you know, you know, I know, I got you. Okay,

Well this was super super interesting. Can just to finish off the episode, is there just one thing that you would want a new mom to know in weeks one through eight, You're gonna be okay, it's gonna be fine, it's gonna be massy, it's gonna be a little hard.

I have a very difficult time asking for help. So I had so many people while I was still pregnant say I'll bring food by I'll go grocery shopping this that there's so many offers for things before baby came, But then baby came and crickets, and I'm not the type of I'm not going to text you and be like, hey, will you go do that thing that you said you were gonna do like four weeks ago, because that'd be great right about now, I'm not going to do that.

So if you can, you know, gentle reminder of those people when they're offering ahead of time, like will you offer that again when babies here? And I think that would help a lot because then it's a lot easier for someone be like, hey, I'm I'm running to the store. Can I grab you something and be like yes, instead of reaching out and asking for that help. Because while while asking for help is great, it's really really hard

and realistically we're not going to do it. So I'd say, definitely do that, and and just know it's a phase.

It's a phase, soak it in. It goes by so quickly, and while it's one of the most challenging times, your baby is never going to be like as squishy and tiny and and fresh, and you only get to enjoy that for such a short period of time that you know, even if you're feeling a little strange in your body and your mindsets not not its best, Just just know it'll be okay and it'll pass and and soak up all the good that you can from that that time,

because it'll be over before you know it. I love it, and I guess I'll just piggyback off of that and maybe gear what you said towards people that are listening that may have a friend that's pregnant or have just had a baby, or if they're about to to like hear what Chelsea said, and make sure you're intentional about reaching out after the baby is born. That's an excellent point. Like maybe you could be the friend that organizes the

meal train. Maybe you could be the friend that organizes, you know, a group text to make sure that whoever just had a baby is taken care of for the first couple of months. Like you know, if you have a handful of friends that take two weeks out of twelve or something, then boom, they've got some some support.

And so if if you're listening right now, instead of the pregnant person having to maybe kind of subtly remind friends to be there for them, like we'll just send the reminder out to all of us, Like, Lisa is having a baby soon, so now I'm making a mental note to make sure that Lisa's okay after she goes birth. Thank you, thank you, Chelsea. We'll put your information below so everyone can go follow if they're not And thank

you for being such a light. And congrats on your baby and you're growing family and it's just a beautiful life you have. And congrats to you Lisa. I can't wait to see your little baby. And thanks to be here before you know. It's so exciting. I was so good to talk to both of you. Thank you so much for having me on my pleasure. Thanks, thank you,