Using Breathwork In ED Recovery with Samantha Skelly (Outweigh)

and I'm sitting with Samantha Skelly. She was actually a guest on my Four Things podcast a couple of weeks ago, and while we were talking, I learned that she has had her own journey to healing with body image and food issues. So I thought, well, let's connect and let's have you on Outweigh because I'm all about hearing other people's journeys and journey to recovery and reminding people that

whatever season they're in in their eating disorder, journey. Why can't I think of a better word than journey right now? I think I've said journey five times in three seconds. But they're not alone, and that's that's why we do outweighs. So thank you Samantha for for sharing some of your story with us. Yeah, I'm so excited for this. I think sharing stories honestly helped me get out of it. And so the fact that you have this podcast just sharing stories of some of the darkest days is going

to create so much liberation. So thank you for having me. I'm gonna just go ahead and read a little. Samantha scaly Bio. She has spent the last decade of her career revolutionizing the personal and spiritual development industries. She has appeared on networks and in publications worldwide. She shared her message on over four hundred stages. I mean, I could go on and on and on. But you work with powerful people, you work with regular, everyday people. You're very

into breathwork. You have your own breathwork app. You've written a book called Hungry for how Venus? So where does you're eating to sort of fit into this? And what what was that story? And then what was recovery like for you? I grew as a dancer from such a young age. I always knew I wanted to dance an express and to this day I still that's my favorite

thing in the whole world, is dancing. And so I went all the way to like professional with dancing, and in that there was a lot of ballet that needed to take place. I hated ballet, but I needed to take it in order to have the technique to do contemporary, which was the style that I that I loved most. And the pressure of being a ballerina and the pressure of being a dancer and being a child actress manifested

into an eating disorder when I was eighteen. The interesting thing was is I had really like aggressive body to s'more feel like crazy up until eighteen, but it was eighteen when it turned into disordered eating. I remember I was living in Australia at the time, and I was on the beach and I was thinking to myself, I'm not dancing as much as I was. I need to go on and die it. And it was like the first diet I went on and it was the cabbage soup diet. Did you ever do that one? Of course? Yeah,

of course. So I went to I went to the store and I just bought craploads of cabbage and I just ate cabbage suit for days and days and days on end. And during that time period I was on over fifty diets in less than four years. I had no idea how to just eat normal. I had no idea what intuitive eating was. I would wake up and it was interesting. I would wake up in the morning and the first thought on my mind was I cannot

I literally can't wait to go to bed tonight. And I wasn't so excided, like I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to live with the thoughts and the body image issues and the how uncomfortable I was. And so I really was living in this state of just extreme anxiety, just overwhelmed numbness. I felt like a prisoner in my own body, like I always wanted to

just like escape my body. And it was It's very interesting psychologically because I was actually the that same size I am and I am now, and now I'm at a place where I'm like, I really love my body so much and nothing physically has changed, which is so wild to me, Like it's just goes to show the power of the mind. And so I got to this place where I'm like, I can't live like this. This is really this is so unhealthy, Like I need I

need to get help. And so that's when I started to read a lot of books and listen to a lot of stories of other women getting through it, and I'm like, Okay, what I know to be true is it's possible for me to live a life where I am not so bogged down by food and body. I know that's possible because I've seen so many women do it and I've heard so many stories of it. Now, what is my way of getting there? Like? How do

how do I get there? And I think when we're going through this, like I woke up every single day and I created a vision for myself of what it would be like when I no longer struggle with this, like how how I would laugh and how I would dress and how I would drive my car, and like I created the whole other reality of what does Sam Scali's life look like when she doesn't struggle with disordered eating? And I woke up and acted as if that was already done. Like I was like, it's already done. We're

already over this. And I I conditioned myself and I told my body and I changed my mindset, and I was living this other life like it was so interesting, of like this is who I am and this doesn't exist anymore, and and I was making a lot of progress and then I went to BALI. I was reading Elizabeth Gilbert's You Pray Love like I shared on the

last podcast, and I found breath work. And breath work was that final tool that helped me get into my body discern the difference between an emotional hunger que and a physical hunger que. It helped me actually know that I had an intuition, like people would say, just listen to your intuition, and I'm like, I am so numb in my body, Like I don't even know what that is.

Like as soon as I would feel any sort of sensation in my body, I would either over eat or restrict or over exercise or do something destructive in order to get back into a place of numbness. And so there was no chance I would be able to feel my intuition. When I found breathwork and I begin to really be an advent breather every single day and really

using this practice. It helped to liberate something that I couldn't get to either with talk therapy or journaling or meditating, or there was something there was another layer of depth that I couldn't get to without breath work, and so yeah, that was the journey and it's really interesting because now, like I built a whole business on this, and I wrote a book on this, and my podcast used to be called hungry for having this podcast, like it's all

I used to talk about. But it's interesting now because it almost feels like a different life. I'm like, wait, I used to say no to plans because I didn't like how I looked. I feel the contrast so much now, of of it's the same life. I'm still Samantha Skelly. But there was a time in my life where it was so dark and so deep that I had no life like I had. I squeezed the life out of myself. And now my life looks and feels completely different, and

it's been an interesting, beautiful ride. And you know, I mean, I'm just like you're speaking, and all that I'm thinking is like, this is offering so much hope. This is a story of hope. And for people that feel hopeless, I'm sure you can agree. If you've experienced an eveny sort or whatever it is that you're using to numb out, you almost have days where like, Okay, well this is just how I am, and this is how I'm going to be the rest of my life, and that is

very hopeless. And so to hear you share the contrast and how you were once there and now how drastically different your life is, it's like, wow, this is yet another story of hope. And of course you had to put in the work to get there. It didn't just like happen overnight, just like you kept taking the right

next step towards that. And then as if we've heard that from I would say multiple people that have come on in recovery, like that's been a common theme of like even when you're in it, like you were just in the early stages, but I still have to use as if and I've been in recovery for two years, because sometimes a thought will creep back in and I'll be like, I shouldn't get the pizza because blah la la whatever, And then I'm like, nope, I'm gonna go ahead,

and as if that this is my this is normal, and as if like this is what I would do if my brain didn't just say that, and I order the freaking pizza totally totally, And what we're actually doing is we're in training the body by doing that. You know, it's so powerful, It's not just a quick little mindset thing.

We're literally putting new information in our body when we choose that, and it really is a choice because sometimes when the voices in your head, it's so loud and powerful and it feels like truth, and it feels like the only way. But if we can observe the voice rather than identify with the voice, we create liberation, We

create spaciousness from it. And so that was my whole journey, is how can I observe all of the emotionality and all of the thought in my mind and know that I am not those thoughts and I am not those identities. Like for the longest time, my identity was I am anxious. I am anxious. I am an anxious person, and I wore that identity every single day, and I would make excuses to not do things because I am anxious, until I realized that, no, I'm actually not an anxious person.

I experienced the sensation of anxiety at times, but I'm not anxious. And when I allowed myself to be liberated from that identity, that's when things really begin to shift. And not only can we liberate from stagnant old identities, but we can actually choose the identities and the beliefs that we want to step into. I am somebody who uses food for fuel and and hunger. I am somebody who loves their body. I am somebody who feels so

vibrant in the world. And I am somebody who feels so good no matter what she wears, like it doesn't even matter. But getting ourselves into the vibration, into the belief of these new identities from that future self that we're stepping into. Right, who are you when it's not done?

Who are you when you no longer struggle? And what are you gonna do with all the spaciousness that your mind was was, you know, clogging up with with the disordered eating, Like, there's so much spaciousness to create and to be and to play and have fun and do whatever you want to do in life. It's a beautiful healing process. And it's really hard. Like I'm not going to sugarcoat that, no bunont done it. I'm not right.

It's really challenging to show up every single day and to shift those thoughts and choose ourselves and take those breaks to breathe and to feel and to cry when we need to and to release, Like that is the ultimate game of self love, Like how can I really treat my body with so much compassion and care and kindness and when it's hard to admit that it's hard and know that this is this is a marathon, it's not a sprint, And so from that angle, it's just

like there's a lot of healing that gets to happen. Yeah, I wouldn't even say I'm totally on the other side yet, because I still feel like two years in, I'm still I'm infancy in my recovery or like at least coming up on a toddler or something. But I still have to work, but I already get to see this whole other world that I never knew existed. And I get

to experience food as joy too. I know you mentioned, you know, as fuel and and as to fulfill hunger and and it is that but for me for so long, because food was a big part of my family and it was a love language and we gathered around the

table and my dad loved to cook. And some of my listeners, if you're new, you don't know this story, but some of my listeners know, like I missed out on so many family meals because I either just like didn't eat, or I didn't go or I brought my own food, which was like completely causing the one way my dad was trying to connect caused disconnection. I mean, I don't think he was like super offended and never he never held it against me, Thank goodness. He was

very kind about it and didn't if any thing. I was the one I was bringing all this toxic energy into the meal because I'm like, I can't believe you're going to eat that, you know, sort of attitude and vibe. And then it's just crazy how food can be joy And now I can gather around the table with family friends. I mean even in our theme song for this podcast, which I recorded with Britney Spencer, who I just absolutely adore up and coming country artists. That's just so amazing.

I encourage you to check her out. But one of the lines is gathering basically for family meals around the table, eating what grandma cooked. Because now I'm able like a whoa, I just got goose bumps. And that line was important for us to put in because she experienced missing out on certain things too all because what we're trying to conform to this or something, there's different narratives for everything.

There's different reasons why we're doing it. But a lot of times it's like, oh, well, I can't have that because I D says this, this, this. But then there's there's a lot of reasons why we do what we do are we are very complex human beings. But the beautiful thing is something as simple as is not the whole part of the healing package. But for you, breathwork

was imperative to your healing. And I just want to encourage others to go check out our chat that we did on my four Things podcast a couple of weeks ago, and also to check out Pause breathwork dot com, which is where they can find out more info about breathing. And then on Instagram you're at Samantha Skelly s k E l l Y and people can check out the pause app and even start the breathing because maybe if they're just like they don't even know where to start.

And I feel like if they're listening to this podcast, they're either curious about what's going on with them, or they're in the thick of it, or maybe they're also in recovery and they need extra tools to just keep on that track. Wherever you are in your journey, you can probably find thirty seconds to three minutes to five minutes a day to just start in corporate that breathing

which will help calm you. And Samantha can give a quick rundown of like how that can just help reset you, especially if you're on the verge of like a binge, or you've been restricting, or you're about to go to the gym and you know, purge through a three hour workout, maybe stop and try breathing first. Yeah, you know, it's interesting.

It's like when we have those behaviors, right, whether it's been drinking or binge eating or restricting or over exercising, what we need to acknowledge that there's a really pure need underneath the distructive behavior. Right, So the destructive behavior is all of our survival strategy, right, It's like that fear mind ego, like I'm going to die if I don't do this type of thing. But when we get into a relationship with our survival strategy, just ask your body,

ask yourself, what do I actually need right now? Is it to go to the gym and bust out a three hour workout? Like what is the pure need, and when we strip it down, the needs are so simple. It's like I need presence, I I need love, I need connection, I need validation, I need warmth, whatever it is. And so then we get to ask ourselves, how can I meet these needs in a really healthy and sustainable way? Right?

How can I actually feel self love? Because it's like, why do we go to the gym and work out? I'll just create like one narrative, right, we go to the gym and workout because we want to be skinny. Right, Well, why do we want to be skinny because we want to look at? Okay, well, why do we want to look at because we think that will be more loved? Right, that's just an example. Okay, Well, the true need is I want to be loved. I want to feel loved.

So how can we meet that in a really healthy, sustainable way without doing the thing that's destructive for for ourselves. This is where we can really like untangle and unwind the path of healing. And this is where we get to bring in a lot of compassion for our destructive behaviors, right, because at the at the core of it, there's a really pure need. It's just being manifested in a destructive

behavior which is driving us crazy. I love that you said compassion too, because please be patient with yourself and just because you're not where I am, or where Samantha is, or where your friend is, your coworker, whatever it is, how whatever brought you here to listen to outweigh wherever you are, I'm gonna say the word journey, which is what's ironic is I'm literally wearing a journey when you

said so good, so um. I started off by saying journey a bunch, and I'm going to end by saying journey a bunch, and then I'll give a song pun and be like, don't stop believing yourself. You have the power, and I know it can seem overwhelming and daunting, but proceed with compassion and with grace for yourself, and be gentle with yourself because this isn't something that happens overnight. And you're not alone. Yeah, so not alone. So thank you Samantha for sharing some of your story with us

and some of your wisdom and insight. Definitely appreciate it. Again, y'all can finder. I'm sure the best thing. Samantha Scully dot com s k E l L Y and all of your links and everything are there, so I just I I appreciate you. Thanks for coming on four things and then again doing outweigh and breathwork looks like that's that's it's like the writing thing, and it's like get an get in on it, get in on it all right. Thank you, Samantha. Of course, my pleasure