![Two Things Can Be True At The Same Time: Part 3 [The Mini-Series] (Outweigh) - podcast episode cover](https://assets.metacast.app/images/episode/artwork/RcyJcv5O)
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
I'm learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong, I feel free, I know every part of me. It's beautiful.
And then will always out way if you feel.
It, but you are She'll some love to the hy have there. Take you one day and did you and die out.
Way happy Saturday?
Outweit.
I am Amy Brown, I'm Leanne Ellington, and we are on part three of a mini series called Two Things Can Be True at the Same Time, and today we are focusing on how you can be on the journey to self love and self worth and still have really crappy thoughts about yourself show up technical term crappy thoughts. Yes, I mean it's not like a oh I am healed
and my brain never goes down that road again. And I'm thinking, as it's July first, when this episode's coming out, if you're listening on time, if not, maybe you're listening on the second, third, July fourth is this coming week, and I feel like that's always a time for me. I don't know why, because I think in the past that's something I always is like, oh, barbecue, What am I going to eat?
What am I going to do? Getting there? Yeah?
What am I? Yeah? Am I gonna have to be in a swim zoo or whatever?
Everything other than being present?
Yeah, exactly, or maybe even just solely missing out that not even going staying home, because that's safer, yep, than all the thoughts that were in my head. And so if you're listening to Outweigh, I feel as though.
You're on the journey because you're curious.
So either you're already in some sort of recovery or maybe you're in the throes of some very disordered behaviors, but you're putting some tools in your toolbox and this is one of those things, one of many that you.
Have access to.
But just know that it's always a journey. Yeah, And like I still even I need to get the exact math. I know that it was twenty twenty, so we'll just say three years three months, probably three years three months, Yes, after I really committed to the work to be like, I'm done with this.
I'm exhausted.
I don't want to have these disordered behaviors or thoughts anymore. But guess what the behaviors have disappeared, but the thoughts still creep back up. Which if I were to entertain the thoughts more and more and more, then the behaviors would come back, because about the thoughts become the behaviors.
Yeah, and we're not our thoughts, you know, So I think, you know, first of all, coming back to the two things can be true at the same time. You can be on this amazing journey and still present day, like we're both raising our hands, have these crappy thoughts show up, because it's not this one and done thing, because you're a human twenty four hours a day, right, So I think setting ourselves up for the expectation that like healing
and constantly having just human thoughts, they can coexist. But it's about having the tools to be aware when they're happening, not take you down rabbit holes, not send you down these downward spirals. Because the other thing that's really important to mention is we say we are not our thoughts, but like we feel a certain way, and it's our thoughts that are creating the feelings.
Right, we have a circumstance.
So for example, with my clients, you know, if they come to me and they're like oh, like I feel so badly about my body, or I've gained weight, or I'm the heaviest I've been. That's the circumstance. But their thoughts about their circumstance is what's creating the emotion that they're feeling, whether it's shame, comparison, regret, disappointment, embarrassment versus
the same circumstance, same body, just having acceptance. And one of my favorite acceptance thoughts and beliefs is like, hey, I don't have to like this, but the sooner I can accept it, the sooner I can actually go do something about it. And just finding we don't have to go to roses and butterflies like, oh my gosh, I
love my body. No, that's not real your self image isn't gona believe that if you're going from I hate my body too, I love my body, right, but the acceptance of just like, hey, I don't have to like it, but this is what I weigh right now, or this is what I look like, or this is the shape and size of my body right now, And the sooner I can accept that this is what's happening, the sooner I can move through it. Because as Byron Katie says. She says, when we argue with reality, we suffer. When
we argue with reality, we suffer. So again coming back to this idea of our thoughts. Yes, you're not your thoughts. But even when the thoughts come up, like not arguing with them, not making them wrong, not shaming yourself for having them, not shaming your shame even right, just being aware of when they come up, noticing what you're noticing, but also having the tools to not take yourself down these rabbit holes, or at least cut down the rabbit holes as they come up.
I'm listening to for the second time, breaking the habit of being yourself Jodaspenza. Yes, yes, and a quote from that book is warning, when feelings become the means of thinking, or if we cannot think greater than how we feel, can never change. To change is to think greater than how we feel. To change is to act greater than the familiar feelings of the memorized self.
Yes, it's such a good way of putting it. Memorized self.
You know, one of my friends always says, feelings are not facts, right, They're not the truth. They're not always telling you the truth, right, They're just a memorized experience in our nervous system that get fired and wired off the back of these thoughts. And a lot of times of the thoughts are on repeat. Right, then we've memorized. We got a lot of fired and wired memorization going on there.
They know, over and over and over. It's a great way to put it. Which you know, I've heard two your thoughts on this, Like, feelings they're part of our our being, Like they're going to feel them, but they write shotgun not in the driver's seat.
Yeah, they are an effect and a symptom of the thoughts that we're thinking, we are creating, like they do live downstream. Right, there's the circumstance and then there's the thoughts about the circumstance that are causing the feelings. But the other side of it, two things can be true at the same time, right, Like, feelings aren't inherently good or bad, right or wrong.
They all have a place.
So like, even when I'm feeling shame, that doesn't mean it's an air quotes negative emotion, right, but it's labeled negative.
It's just an emotion.
It's just an experience that I'm feeling and that shame can also.
Teach me something. It can Is it information? It's information, it's data. Yeah.
So I think there's there's so many different, you know, angles to this, but you're right now. The question is is like, are are they riding shotgun and being like carjacked and somebody else's driving the car, or are they riding shotgun and you're mindfully and intentionally like learning how to drive and coming back to the two things can
be true at the same time. I can't tell you how many times a client of mine has had just like such miraculous breakthrough in their emotional home, like living in an emotional home of depression, anxiety, sadness, shame, and then just living and again not like.
Oh my gosh, I bro, this is some butterflies, but just.
Like peace and calm and freedom and acceptance and belief in themselves or just like the starts of it, right, and then they have something happen in their life aka a circumstance that causes a thought that causes a feeling, and then they come to me like, oh my gosh,
I'm back where I started. I thought I was doing so well, but I guess I really have it and I'm and one of the things I have to remind them is that just because you are like temporarily regressed or so to speak, regressed, doesn't mean that you have regressed. And so that's where it comes back to this, like you can be on the journey but also have really crappy thoughts come up for yourself because we're always creating thoughts, we're meaning making machines.
And even you know.
I've said this before on the podcast New Level, New Devil, that that quote because like you can, you know, have air quotes old problems and you're like, oh, I don't, I don't have that problem anymore. But as you're up leveling to the next level of yourself, you're gonna create new problems and therefore new beliefs and new feelings and all the things.
So when it comes to recognizing the cycle, this loop, simply put, a situation arises fourth of July. Yeah, let's just bring it back, bringing it back to fourth of July, And then I want you to touch on what do we do when these thoughts pop into our head, Like, yes, they're going to happen.
Two things can be true.
I can still have these thoughts, but hey, what's the I don't want to sit with them for too long.
And that's one thing too.
When you're doing this work, what's really, really, really exciting is you can start to catch how quickly you recover from some stuff. Stuff that used to spiral me for days. Now I'm like, WHOA got over that in thirty minutes?
What off?
Yeah?
And I celebrate it. Yeah.
So recognizing the cycle simply put A situation arises and we have thoughts about the facts of that situation. Those thoughts trigger feelings, and based on those feelings, we engage in behaviors, which in turn impact the situation, either positively or negatively, and the cycle continues.
Yeah, you're always creating a result, but what changes the trajectory of it is your is your thoughts right?
That changes the trajector Sorry, let's use fourth of July as a situation.
Even though it's a podcast, some people might be listening into simmer right, but whatever it is that's coming up. Let's say I'm getting ready for the day, the event, whatever, and thoughts start to come in, and I know everybody's thoughts are all over the map. They could be totally different, and also everybody's aha, moment with it all is going to look different because again, we've worked for you may
not work for me at all. But is there sort of a blanket we could put on this or a starting point from some for some people if they know that they're on the path to healing and they're confused by some of these thoughts. So when the thoughts come up, what's what's a cool thing to do with them?
Yeah?
Absolutely, And so come into the summertime thing. A lot of you know, body insecurity is a big one for summertime because skimpier clothes and hotter weather and all of that. So a lot of our body insecurities and you know, the body image stuff tends to come up.
So that's a perfect example.
But again just kind of actually coming back to what we talked about a few minutes ago about accepting the reality of what's happening and not sugarcoating it, but just moving through acceptance is really the first step. So I talk about this idea of the the data versus the drama. So the first thing is really just noticing the drama. For me, it showed up in the drama of oh my gosh, I look fat, or I would call myself labels, I'd shame myself. Oh my gosh, everybody's gonna judge me.
What can I have nothing to wear? Drama, drama, drama, fill in the blank, right, So, noticing the drama, bring yourself back to the data. The data is I feel uncomfortable in my body right now. The data is my clothes feel a little bit tight right now. The drama is, Oh my gosh, what's wrong with you? You're gross, You're discussing. Do you see the difference? So noticing the drama, bringing yourself back to the data is step one. The data is and we're not sugarcoating the data. We're just being
truth tellers about it. And then the only thing that I invite people to do with it is not turn it into a positive, not fake it till we make it, not sugarcoat it, but move through acceptance, which is accepting what the new truth is. So I don't have to like the data. I don't have to like the fact that my clothes feel tight right now. I don't have to like the fact that I feel like I don't have anything to wear. I don't have to like the fact that I'm feeling shame about my body. Right now,
but this is what's happening. And the sooner I can accept that this is what's happening and just breathe through it. The sooner I can actually go do something about it. Because what that does is it creates a pattern, interrupt it. First of all, stops the rabbit hole. It makes our brain acknowledge like, oh, I'm creating the feeling because of my thoughts, I'm creating drama. And it causes you to create a new thought, which is just data. And again
we're not painting roses and butterflies on it. We're not saying like, oh, everything in my closet magically fits. But the thought that I have absolutely nothing to wear, that's drama because you could go in a robe, you know what I mean, Like, it's not true, it's not fully true.
You have something right.
But the data is I feel like I have nothing to wear, or my clothes feel tight right now, or I don't like how I'm feeling in my body, and just start being a truth teller instead of a drama maker to yourself and then moving through acceptance of that truth but not sugarcoating it, not having to like it. So again the go to I teach my clients is I don't have to like X. I don't have to like the fact that I'm feeling shame right now. I don't have to like the fact that my body feels
uncomfortable right now. But the sooner I can accept that this is what's happening, and the sooner I can move through it, because you have to start with acceptance when you want to shift it right, And it does create that pattern interrupt to keep you from going down that rabbit hole. And it just like really takes some it takes it off the boil.
And I would say celebrate every time you're aware of the crappy thoughts, because I think there was five decades of my life were crappy thoughts for the norm Yeah, so I barely even recognize them. That was just the way of living, right, And so once you get to a point where you and be like, oh, that was a crappy thoughts, yeah, I need to redirect, right, celebrate.
That absolutely, and what it does.
Then you're going to recognize them more and more because your brain celebration lean tell me.
And what you just said of recognizing it, it enables you to hold space so that you can be emotionally available to yourself in those moments, rather than ignoring it, numbing it, like you know, pretending it's not there, or just take yourself down a rabbit hole. So when you say I don't have to like the fact that I'm feeling shame, what that does for your brain is it holds space for the fact that you're feeling shame.
And also something that just came to mind. If you're a journaler, maybe if you're not, everybody can make a list whatever event it is that you have coming up or whatever party and maybe again maybe it's summer, maybe it's Christmas, but what are you looking forward to about that event instead of the crappy thoughts that come in and then spending time with those I saw this whole thing on anxiety, Like if you're flying in an airplane and it's really difficult for you to get on that
the whole time, be making a mental note of where you're going, why you're excited to go there, who you're going to see, what it's going to be like, how much fun you haven't seen this person so long, and start going through that list of things that you are looking forward too.
Absolutely, that positive anticipation versus negative anticipation is anxiety.
Yeah, such a great point.
You can literally choose what you want to project nice.
Okay, Well, you can be on the journey to self love and self worth and still have really crappy thoughts about yourself.
And now you know about holden space for them.
Leanne where can people find you?
Absolutely?
We talk about a lot of this stuff inside the Stressless Eating webinar. So if you are interested in learning how to you know, really influence your thoughts and heal your self image through your brain, you can check it all out at Stressless Eating dot com.
And I am at Radio Amy on Instagram and we'll see you next Saturday. For part four, we'll be talking about healing from your disordered eating and having a healthy relationship with food and still loving food, sugar, pleasure, joy, and still having food stuff that you're continually working through all the.
Three things at the same time. Part four is get a little risky with youth. We're going wild. We'll see for that Saturday. Bye bye
MHM.