![Two Things Can Be True At The Same Time Part 1 [The Mini-Series] (Normalizing the In-Betweens and Healing From Extremism) (Outweigh) - podcast episode cover](https://assets.metacast.app/images/episode/artwork/6QsoVwrb)
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change. I'm learning love who I am. I I'm strong, I feel free, I know every part of me. It's beautiful. And then will always out way if you feel it, but you are She'll some love to the h have there, take you one day and did you and die out way?
Happy Saturday outweigh amy here and I have Leanne Ellington joining me. And the fun part of saying that is that Leanne is going to be joining me well sort of indefinitely at this point.
Yeah.
She did a little takeover for us, and I say little. I'm not making it small by any means, but it was about four weeks five I think, yeah, okay, hey, who's counting? Apparently I am I take.
Over and it went really well.
And Leanne and I have just been talking about what it could look like if we do some episodes together and then she has some interviews she would love to do, so I guess welcome my new co host, Thanks Leanne Ellington, and we're going to do a little mini series called two Things Can Be True at the same time, which we've talked about that here on outway before, but we're going to focus on specific things, two different things each each episode that can be true at the same time
themes I guess in that space. We'll do four weeks that and then Lane's got some fun interviews that she's going to have for y'all, and then we'll do another four weeks of two things can be true at the same time. So today we're going to start with you can be pro body image and pro self worth and body positive and still have health goals you want to reach.
And Leanne has a very personal story related to this because you have your backstory of your disordered behaviors and then you know, being in recovery and then while you were turning forty, So I'll let you take it from there of what popped up for you when that time came.
Yeah, and it's such an interesting topic too, because you know, we've talked about this a lot. There's a lot of extremism out there of you know, the good, the bad, the right, the wrong, and I really believe there is the gray that we have permission to fill in you.
So when Lisa and I started this, we actually defined it as the gray area, but it's so much of what people are not talking abouts.
And our first graphic.
For the the podcast was black and white, but it kind of looked gray.
Yeah, you know what I mean. I love it, so was it, I guess to my pressure wasn't.
Black and white, but we were kind of wanted to have that vibe of gray.
Yeah, for sure.
And we should definitely do an episode about living in the gray because sometimes that can that can keep us complacent as well. But that's another topic for another day.
But that being said, there's you know, extremism. I think that's one of the things that I've had to really heal from over the years, and it comes alongside perfectionism a lot, but this concept of you know, and for anybody who's not heard my story, and you know, I had many, many years of disordered eating and self image and body image struggles that really took over my life.
And when I decided to heal all of the things that used to be kind of a golden carrot for me, all the things externally that were driving me that were really defining myself worth, like what I ate that day, and my gene size and my scale weight and how I looked and all of those things that I mean, there is a time and place for them, but when they consume your every thought, that is disorder, right, and
that can lead to so much toxicity. And for me, it manifested in a very ubercritical, you know, harsh relationship with myself in turn with others and all the things. So all that's to say, when I did commit myself to this new way of being, in this healed version of myself, all of that went on the back burner
and I was super happy about that. Right, And we should also do an episode of the dark side of too much confidence, because there's you know, things that you can let fall by the wayside and and other habits that can take over. But I'll bring it back streamlined to this topic. You know what happened in my real life. I turned forty a few months ago, and sixteen months before that, I realized I was turning forty, and I just said to myself, I'm like, who do you want to be when you turn forty?
How do you want to feel?
The big thing for me is I didn't want to buy into the myth that like everything goes downhill and you age in a negative fashion. I was like, no, I want to be my healthiest, my happiest. I want to feel amazing. I want to have more impact all of the things that we think about when we get in those existential conversations. But then on a practical level, it dawned me. I was like, you know what, I would love to prove to myself because pain is also
a big part of my backstory, literally and figuratively. I had major spine surgery that caused a lot of neurological struggles and a lot of chronic pain. So being strong and fit and healthy had very new definitions to me than they did ten to fifteen years ago. But that being said, I was like, who do I want to be and what's the body I want to be living in at forty And it included things like pain free. Of course, like the human side of me was like, I want to feel amazing in a bikini at forty,
you know. And so I just started thinking, like, how can two things be true at the same time. How can I still maintain this healthy, loving relationship with my body and this really freedom but also you know, peaceful relationship with food and freedom can have two sides of it too, right, there's too much permission and too much control and all the things. So we have to find
our own own definition of that. But how can I have that and also up level my health and my discipline and utilize and leverage things that might have once been a weapon and now use them as a tool to go focus on things that I may have put in the category of superficial because at the time, again I was using them as a weapon. Little side note, there's an entire episode on that way a few weeks ago about the distinction between using things between a tool
and a weapon. But that's been such a powerful tool, no pun intended, because you know now this thing that was once like kind of my nemesis.
It took me down this rabbit hole.
I was like, Okay, what would be possible if two things could be true with the same time. I can be healthy and free and love who I am and want to like and trust my body even more. And so it sent me on this journey which we're going to unravel over the coming weeks and all of that. But that's kind of the cliff notes version.
Of what was the evidence of this subject matter.
I feel like an example that pops into my head about where I am now is before I got into recovery. I was tracking everything. I knew how many carbs I had, how much protein, how many calories, how much fat, whatever, macros right right, So I was tracking those, but I was coming at it from the wrong place. I was
not tracking to be the healthiest version of myself. I was tracking so I could control it, and it was all consuming and if I deviated from it, I didn't really know how to proceed with my day.
I would lose sleep over it.
I would be dividing an egg into eights, like, oh, I had these waffles and there was one egg, but I only had one waffle and it made six, So how many eggs did I have?
Yeah?
That sort of stuff for sure, which is exhausting. So where I am now, over three years out from that, now in my forties, being forty two, and thinking of how my body composition is and how my body is aging and it but biologically it doesn't have to as quickly as my chronological age. We can control that. And so I am starting to get more curious about, well, how much protein am I having a day?
Totally?
And maybe I need to start really tracking that. But it's so freeing because I am holding onto it loosely and it's more data than it is control. And so that is an example of wanting to have some health goals but still being in this free space where I'm I'm caring for myself in a loving way and not caring about the things I used to care about. But I can have health goals.
Amazing, totally. Yeah.
Now I could see myself tracking more of that information, but not losing sleep over it, not dividing eggs, not having to track every single day, not having to get it one hundred percent right because it may change point whatever on the scale. Do you know what I mean?
Absolutely? Yeah, And you bring up another distinction.
One of the things we talk about with my clients is this difference between influence versus control, Right, And the more we try to control, ironically, the more out of control we feel.
Right.
So control is obviously not the solution, but we think we want more control. But what if it was about influence influencing who you're being around the thing? In this case, it's the food, the macro, the whatever, influencing who you're being so that you're showing up as the version of yourself that makes decisions in alignment with who you want to be so influencing who you want to be versus
controlling the thing. And that's a gain that you can win because you do have the ability to influence who you're being when things are going right or not going great. And it's it is that distinction between there's the data of the macro versus the drama of the macro and all of these again distinctions within distinctions. But coming back full circle to this topic, like the blanket statement, if I were to cliff notes it, we all have our different version of this story.
But like I believe, we have the ability to.
Give ourself pruistion to say, you know what, I can have a healthy, happy relationship with my body and food, and I can have health goals, weight loss goals, all that, But the difference is is who you're being when you're doing the doing. So the big thing I kind of share with my clients on the front end is it's not wrong to want to go lose weight or be
fitter or healthier or whatever fill in the blank. But I do invite women especially that are struggling with some sort of disordered behavior or the negative self image and body image that usually comes alongside those habits to kind of take a sabbatical from those typical goals and heal first.
Right, you know, which was to the why I shared.
Three and a half years have passed and I'm just now to the point where I could track it. I'm so glad you touched on that because I'm like, so much work went into where I am now. It's not just that you listen to this and like, oh, well land a name, you said that I can wake up tomorrow and be body positive and have health goals, right, because your brain is not there yet.
Yeah, You've got to become the version of yourself that can have that kind of conversation where those health goals can be a tool to serve you and move you forward and influence your life versus a weapon against yourself.
Something that just popped into my head too is old me because I know how I was would have heard this and used it as permission to create a bunch of health goals. Totally yeah, right, but I do you were you that way? Oh a thousand persons, I hear certain things and I'm like, oh, what I'm doing. It's totally acceptable because this person said that, and I'm going to make it fit into this little box that I'm going to control.
Oh yeah, we bargain with ourselves. Oh yeah, for sure. And that's why it's so important. It's like none of these things are bad or wrong, and two of these things can exist at the same time. They can both be true. But start from a place of carve out
your freedom, carve out true health. And when I say health, I mean it physically and mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially, all of it right, and then go bring that with you into your goals, your health journey, all of that, but start at a true definition of health, but instead of that place of disorder. And if you are in disorder,
there's no shame in that. Like you know, you and I have both been there and we talked to the hundred thousands of women all the time that are But just knowing what that is and where you are in your journey before you go take on that next goal is everything again. Awareness, awareness, right, being aware that you have the ability to be aware of Okay, this isn't bad that I want to go lose weight, but this isn't the time.
I'm not in that place. Have you ever used magic eraser? Oh? The thing that yeah, them I was just.
Using one the other day and something just popped into my head as sort of a I like imagining stuff and analogies, and you know, there's some scuffs on my wall or wherever. I'm trying to get stuff out, and it takes several tries with the magic eraser. Eventually it goes away and I have a clean slate. But some stuff is kind of stubborn and it's not something that
I can take a rag to and go. It takes the magic eraser, and I don't know what the magic is, but it's almost like we have our own magic erasers. So I want you to picture that, like for years you've been operating a certain way, and that's what's on the wall right now, and that you're going to take the time with your magic eraser and you're going to go after it, go after it, and eventually your wall is going to be a clean slate and you get to build a new story, which is the new narrative.
But it takes time and sometimes some elbow grease and you got to get in and do it. But it is it's like magic. Once you're on.
The other side, you're like wow, yeah, and now you can have conversations, and I think just to stack on what you just said, because I love that analogy you said, like you're magic, like finding your version of your magic recipe and a racer.
So what's a race for you?
Or how you got it to race? May not work for me.
And the dirt on my wall is different than the dirt on yours.
And we've talked before about pendulum swinging so far one direction, and I feel like for me, I was so far one way with my disordered behaviors that when I got or I wanted to change, I swung so far the other direction that it was probably more obnoxious that way, but it was necessary. And then eventually I leveled out and now I'm not obnoxious on either side, at least I try not to be. But you'll you'll find that balance that feels really right and good.
Absolutely, that pendulum is a perfect picture of it.
You know.
I was that gal that judged people at the supermarket when I saw them buying fattening stuff air quotes fattening stuff back in the day.
And then I was the one that's like, everybody eat chocolate chip cookies all day every day. You know which one is the lesser version of me.
I mean, that's just two different examples of extremism. But that's why these conversations are so important to show you. First of all, the pendulum swinging either extreme is normal and natural, but giving yourself permission to allow that pendulum to swing back to that neutral.
Yep, I love it. Well.
This is the first of eight that will be happening this year related to this topic. Two things can be true at the same time, So take from it what you needed, sit with it, journal about it, find your magic eraser, and then go from there. Thank you Leanne for chatting with us about that and sharing your personal story with it too.
Where can people find you?
Yeah, if you want to find more about how to rewire your brain and really heal your relationship with food your body, but really taking a self image and identity and brain based approach to that topic, you can find all you need to find over at Stressless Eating dot com.
Awesome and I'm at Radio Amy on Instagram. We will see you next Saturday for part two of two things can be true at the same time.
Bye bye, MHM.