The Problem with “Clean Eating” + Self Care Prioritization

You know, people all over the place are getting canceled left and right, which I'm not a big part of cancel culture by any means, but these words can definitely go and I don't want to hear them anymore. But unfortunately it might be a while before we see that actually happen. And then we're also going to talk about self care and why it isn't selfish. So if you've needed any sort of permission for self care, we will

give you that here today. But Lisa, since you're the expert in this field and you know, especially as a registered dietitian that is dedicated to you know, helping people unlearn a lot of what we have learned much of our lives. I mean, I'm forty years old, and I feel like I can't remember when exactly clean eating entered my space, but that term clean eating, but I know that good and bad foods has been around in my brain as long as I could remember, like, oh, this

is good for you, this is bad for you? And then I know for sure it was probably around college that I was introduced to cheat meals. And these are three terms or I guess it maybe even four if you count good and bad as too, that I would love to go over. And if you could even break down, I mean, what even is clean eating? I know that how I used to define it. I'm not in the field, but I didn't know even as a registered dietitian if you learned that in school or that's something you went over.

And I know that you lean differently than some other dietitians, like you're in a different space. So I feel like people are like, well, what's wrong with clean eating? How could that be harmful? Great? Great question? And to start clean eating was a big part of my disordered eating personally. Is there anything wrong with eating healthful, nutritious foods that

I guess technically fall into this clean category. No, But for me and many people, we clung to clean eating as a way to control what we were eating without making it about the obvious weight. So for a lot of people it is about the way clean eating, but for a lot of people it may also be about the healthfulness of the food. I don't know who coined the term. I know who is like my leader at this time of my disordered eating with clean eating, and she's not even relevant, so I'm not even going to

say her name. But the idea was that, you know, there are foods are clean and pure, and then there are foods that are tainted with things such as added sugars or preservatives or blah blah blah, and if we eat clean, we will feel really good, you know, weight will naturally come off, and that will be the healthful way to live. And I remember the first time I heard this being like, Okay, well I love this because I was studying nutrition. I was not learning this in school.

To answer your question, never did clean eating come up in my studies. That came up in my personal studies. And I was like, well, this is great because we're not telling people to you know, not eat certain amount of calories. There's some freedom to this idea of I could eat these foods, but stay away from these foods. And the first red flag I could see now not at the time, was I need to see a list

of which foods are clean and which are not. And being a really big fan of ketchup and I love ketchup and mustard, I know that's like very hit or miss with a lot of people, and having to google is Ketchup lean? Is Mustard clean? Not really looking for a an approved and an unapproved list which would make my food making decisions easy again, because that was always what it was about for me and my disordered eating.

Whatever plan I was following, it was about how can I default back to not thinking and just follow the good and bad or the clean and you know whatever. So for me, the problem didn't show up until I was faced with situations that were slightly out of my control. So, you know, it was easy to eat clean living I was. I was in my twenties, cooking all my meals for myself, blah blah blah. I was easy to do so for maybe breakfast, lunch, and dinner most of the time. But

if I were to dine out with friends. Then it was like, wait a second, what oils are they using? What else went into this? And it would start to cause me massive panic. I couldn't go out for frozen yogurt with friends, or if I did and I would have some, it would kind of go Your second part to your question is Okay, well, then this is my cheap meal. This is a break for my clean eating. This is my one opportunity to do so. And I'm sure tons of people can relate to this. I'm just

recounting my story for anybody that needs illustration. And while that seems like a good balance, it's really not, because it really shows that clean eating can be restrictive and limiting and not honoring your actual wisdom of what you want.

And the extreme of the cheat meal is again that limited window of I'm allowed to have this, so I'm going to have all of it, and a completely disconnected experience that oftentimes leads to g I discomfort, mental discomfort, and just brings you back to Okay, now I got to be clean again, and we need to really take a step back to look at that cycle of what that's doing to our mental state. I've like softened a

little bit around, like people saying, Okay, I just eat clean. However, I think anyone listening to this podcast, this is language that we want to a flag if someone else uses around us, because it's triggering, they might speak to other things that will cause us to question our relationship to food and body and be again, if you're listening to this podcast specifically, you have some sort of a history of clinging to a food rule. And this is a really easy one that gets disguised as oh, no, we're

not a diet, No no, no, we are different. This is a lifestyle. We are cle eating clean. Yeah. It felt much better because I said it. It It felt much better to say, oh, I'm eating clean than oh I'm on a diet. Yeah exactly. I would have never said I'm on a diet, but no, I eat clean and and and I guess the implication there that I've seen a lot of people throw around. Although this was never like my thought mentality is that if it's not clean, it's dirty for me, that I don't know, dirty wasn't

the certn for me. It was just such a clinging to clean, clean, clean, clean clean clean. And you know, there's so many things that are are disguised as healthful. And there's nothing wrong with eating foods that fall into this category of clean, right, like a fruit of vegetable

whatever it is that is clean. But when if you're only eating clean, you're going to face I promise you, you know, mental turmoil when the time comes and you're put in a situation where the foods are not on your approved list, which is going to cause you to leach onto the cheap, which is going to bring you back to the clean and back to the cheat, and

you're not in your body at that point. And let's talk to why it's harmful to put labels on food such as good and bad, because I've done that for so long, but that's what we're told, like this is bad, this is good, but really food, food can't be bad or good. Now the nutritious part. You talk me about how we have outer wisdom and inner wisdom and does

that apply here? Okay, So, for example, I know you brought up eminem's in a in an episode that we recently put up right, and eminem isn't going to have the same nutrients as an apple, right, but can we talk about it in different language that allows us to really figure out what we need in that moment, because in some situations, the eminem's are exactly what you need

for your soul, for your freedom, for your health. I know that might sound crazy, but and in other situations you might need the apple to feel your best, to satisfy what you're going after. But I think the main issue with good and bad that is that we've gotten so used to saying, oh, that's good for me, that's bad for me, that's good for me, that's bad for me, that it leaches morality too. Oh I ate these eminem's, I am a bad person, or the other side. I

had a salad today, I'm such a good person. You know, I must carry on by being so good with my diet. And I think that's kind of where like where I have. The big issue with good and bad is that it bleeds into our morality, even though we might just be talking about the food. It leaches onto us as people whether we are being good, whether we are being bad. And again, I know I keep saying that disconnection, but as soon as we think that we're being good, we

get a little self righteous. That's up in the ego. That's not the mind, body, as soon as we think we're being bad, we get really hard on ourselves and guilty and shameful, which is no longer in a state of connection. So there's nothing wrong with learning about the nutrition and makeup of food or using that information to help inform what you want to eat, but that language can be really really frustrating. I know for me, like I'll be with my in laws and they're like, I'm

being so bad, I'm having blah blah blah. And I know a lot of people are like my in laws or my grandparents. So that's why I also give that example sometimes is because it can be really hard to be around these people that you love in many ways, or your parents even, or your siblings and not want to rock the boat, but feel really triggered by the

language that they're using. So you're both reaching for the same food and then they're like, oh, I'm being bad, I'm going to have it, you know, or this food is bad whatever what however they're characterizing, and then all of a sudden, they disrupt the experience for you that you've just worked to neutralize. You know, you've gotten so far where whatever food is just food, and you go to grab it and somebody else says, oh, I'm being so bad, or I need to work out because I'm

having this tomorrow. They make some sort of a comment. It's very jolting. I have found, even though I'm not triggered by it to the point where it will affect my behavior, it's like, come on, you know, like, can we just enjoy this food without having to announce all the fears that are coming up for us? And I think that's what's happening for a lot of people. There's fear, and by speaking about it out loud, which we might not realize, it feels like it takes away that bit

of anxiety that it's causing. But really we're just projecting our mess onto other people. Yeah. I never realized how much I projected until I was out of it. When I was in it, I didn't see it. But gosh, thankfully, a lot of my family that I was projecting onto they weren't triggered by me. They were just annoyed by me. But I'm sure there's other people I encountered where I

definitely triggered them. And I'm thankful to be in a space now where I at least know that I won't be that person to someone else, and not that I think that I'm better than anybody else by any means. It took a lot of work and I may slip up and mess up, but I just I'm thankful to be in a place of growth where I have moved out of where I once was, which you know again that it was a lot of projecting, a lot of judgment,

a lot of shame, a lot of uh. I was an energy suck, and I was stealing that energy from other people that were actually really excited about what we were eating, like if my dad had cooked something, or my sister and then here I come along trying to doctor it or fix it or pull out my serving before my dad adds all the good stuff, you know, And that's just it was me missing out on an experience.

And some people that know my story, they know that I lost my dad in April, and I would literally give anything to eat one of his meals right now, like that would be awesome, but I don't have that anymore. So kind of like in our theme song, outweigh missing out on family meals around the table because what Grandma made is bad, so we're not able, is the lyric and maybe if you go back and listen to the intro song to the podcast, you'll really hear that line.

It's so important because there are so many meals that we probably missed out on because we labeled food bad. And I think a lot of people fall where I fell, and I'm not sure if you fell here, Amy, but because I was doing the clean eating or the veganism for the wrong reasons at the time, I genuinely loved the foods that I ate, Like I still love vegetables, and I like salads honestly one of my favorite foods. But I do to These are kind of two points.

One is I remember having my best friend and her sister over for a meal that I cooked and it was delicious and serving ice cream that I loved. And this wasn't real ice cream, this was chemically engineered. Interesting in my clean eating days by the way, that I would also have this chemically engineered food as long as it was you know, low calorie and whatever. So I found ways to make that fit into the cleanness of it.

And you know, I loved it because I was so used to eating it every night and that was my treat. And they were like, what the heck is this, Lisa, Like this taste disgusting and I was so confused, And now if I eat that food, I'm like, Okay, this is an ice cream, you know, And we can really train our brains and our bodies to like be okay with this version of something when in reality it's not good at all. When you're swimming in it, it's great. Like I'm with you. I think I probably know what

ice cream you're talking about. We don't need to like call out brands. But like I would show up to, you know, gatherings with people and we would be planning on having ice cream that night, and everyone would kind of bring ice cream and I would bring that, and I thought, oh, I can't wait for everybody to try this.

It's so amazing. And You're right, like so many people like added it to their bowl with other ice cream and they're like, whatever this is, This is not ice cream, and this is disgusting, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I could eat a whole point um. So it is and I couldn't see it at the time, but now I'm on the other side, there's no way you would catch me even ever buying it. Such hilarious because it used to be all that I would buy. Yeah, and then the other portion of that is because I loved

you know, I do love vegetables and whatever. It was very easy for me to show up to a family meal and only eat the foods that are approved by me or allowed by me and feel like I was eating enough, or that I was still very very present. But what I have found, you know, eating the grandma's meal. I don't have a grandma, but you know, the idea of that, eating all the foods that are on the table, if that you're being called to them in some way,

is nourishing at least trying it, you know. And I encourage anybody who's like, oh no, I don't like blah blah blah to possibly if it if it's they're you know, if there's something being called to you to have that food and everybody else is eating it, would you give it a try? Would you have one bite? Would you allow yourself to say, do I actually not like this food? Or have I just told myself that because I'm so

safe and comfortable and like these other foods. Because we eat for a lot of different reasons, and sometimes being hyper focused on the foods that we're allowed to eat isn't allowing us to fully be present at that meal. And once we get to a place where we allow ourselves to be fully present, that in itself is a form of us taking care of ourselves. Like that can be seen as a little bit of self care, which I know we want to get into. And Lisa, I saw on Instagram the other day you took yourself on

a lunch date. And to me, that represented self care. And it's not probably something that we normally think of. Some people might think of a bath or a massage or a facial or getting your hair done or whatever. You can speak to it. I don't want to speak for you, but when I saw it, I thought, good for her. Look at her taking care of Lisa, and I want to do that. Yeah. So dining out alone has for a long long time been my favorite way

to spend time with myself. And you know, in New York where I live, it's very typical to get a chopped salad and eat it at your desk or if you're eating alone. I mean, eating alone isn't really a popular thing, but it's something that I started to cultivate in college and do while I was single, but also while I was in a relationship in this past year and a half, not going to restaurants as much and everything,

I just haven't had many opportunities to do so. And so yesterday I took myself out to lunch and I had a great time. And the key to for me is that I'm getting what I want. I'm ordering sides, I'm getting the bread basket, and I'm really present. And so I wrote in that caption, I think that like this is my highest form of self care because I was having a moment with myself that was like yes, my brain felt relief from everything else. And for me, it was a meal out alone. And I think a

lot of people have trepidation around that. What will people think about me? You know what if I ordered too much food all of that? You know, will that will they wait or judge me for eating all of this? And there's nothing better than just getting what you want, eating as much as you want of it, putting that phone down, and being present with yourself. I think that's what self care really is for me. Amy It's saying what do I need right now? And that can look

like a million things. It might not be a meal out. For you, it might be getting your hair to right. For others, it might be a meditation completely free, or a bath. But the most important thing is that if we don't have these check in moments with ourselves, we are projecting all of our crap all over the place afterwards. And I think that's where self care gets lost in translation when we see it depicted as manicures and spa days. And those are perfectly fine, but what are they doing

for you? Are they giving yourself a chance to just be quiet for a moment, be still so that you can process all the things that you take on during the day, Because without that, you're just, like I said, spilling your mess everywhere, going a million miles an hour, and ultimately not being your best self. Something that just came to mind as you were talking was you got a hammock recently, and then you sent me the link

and I ordered the hammock. And for me, that hammock has been a form of self care because I go outside, hide and I lay in kind of just relax in my hammock, and I take deep breaths or I read a book, and that is my time that I get and I do leave the hammock slightly rejuvenated. I don't want to say I'm like jumping off the handock, like oh yeah, yes, I'm totally ready to face the day. But there's something so soothing about it for me where it does recharge me a bit in the end. But

it may not be the hammock for you. But there was there's a time my life where I never would have ever thought in a million years that a hammock would have been self care for me. But here we are, well, I think maybe we think that, you know, you kind of just highlighted that, maybe we think that we're going to leave our time whatever, that we what we put into ourselves feeling amazing. But I don't think that's the output.

I think the output is you're a better amy for the rest of the day because you've taken one minute to plug in. You're a better mom, you know, all the roles that you play in life is because you took one second to refill your cup. That's a better way to put it, well, not a better way to put at it, but a better way to kind of think like, Okay, why are we really doing this? And especially because so many people feel like it's selfish. I can't sit on the hammock. My house is a mess.

I have to pick up my kids. I have to do this, I have work to do. If I do this, I'm lazy. Oh God, the word lazy drives me in say, and that's probably a whole other topic here, but if you do not take a moment for yourself to put your feet on the grass, whatever it is, you are showing up to the world actually selfish. So I think, you know, we hear the phrase all the time, secure the oxygen mask for yourself before you know your child.

And the idea is, really we need to take a little bit of care of ourselves in order to be the roles that we signed up to be, that we have a responsibility to be that we want to really be. And I also just want to highlight I don't know if anyone's watching the Olympics or watch the Olympics, I don't know if you saw what Simone Biles did, she

really prioritized her her mental health. And I think, although this is a controversial topic and very hard for people to understand, how this is self care, that was a radical act of self care in the public eye that has has really changed the conversation around the way we push ourselves and the way we care for ourselves. And it was really cool to see such a young person in such a high pressured situation say I'm actually not

going to compete because I need a moment. Yeah, I mean in her for her to recognize that if she's not fully there mentally, like she could seriously injure herself or you know, it just wasn't the right time for her. And yes, she was able to step by and recognize that. And then I saw Justin Bieber put up a post

about her, which I follow him. Yes, and um, I was very impressed by And I mean, I don't know the guy right, so I don't know, but I'm just going based off He's a child that grew up in the spotlight, had major success as a young teen, and then was thrown into this world of like go, go go, and this is what's expected of you. And I love that he was able to give her props for doing

what she needed to do to mentally be there. I mean, look at what the heck is going on with Britney Spears, Like, there's all kinds of people that are in the spotlight that have this immense amount of pressure on them to perform and it doesn't matter at what cost because so many people are relying on them. And I mean, think about Simone. She was the weight of America USA on her back, right of like letting down a country that you're at an event representing, and the controversy online about

it was just wild to me. I thought, how could we not be supporting her in this decision, But of course there's people that weren't. But back to the whole Justin Bieber thing, I just thought his post was so it was great because again he's a young person too that a lot of people are looking to. And at one point he had to completely just shut down his tour for his mental health, and he said that people,

you know, at the bottom of his sin. He was like someone people thought I was crazy when I did that, but it's literally what I had to do for my well being and my mental health. So hats off to you.

I mean, it's great that we're getting such public examples, but I think sometimes when we bring this home to me and you to our listeners, we feel like, well, I'm not Justin Bieber you know, I have no no I'm just kind of thinking about that out loud, because I don't know if you remember a few weeks ago, you know, I had to self care isn't always to highlight that self care is not always that manicure and

that pedicure and how we see it. Sometimes it's really making the hard choice and letting people down and showing people our weaknesses. Like Amy, you and I run this podcast together and to humanize it for a minute, sometimes we're going through things and we can't show up as our best podcast hosts. And two weeks ago I had to five minutes before be like, Amy, can you handle this one? Because I just I need the hour off,

you know. And I felt selfish right for a moment, but because I shared with you, you know, the pain point for me, and we respect mental health, I had to do that so that the podcast, you know, could also have the greatest opportunity to be fantastic. And so I think sometimes the self care is is sitting out, is making hard choices and sacrifices that in the moment don't feel like they reflect who you want to be, but you need to make them in order to make

it out and be okay. If that makes sense. Yeah, And I think being able to have people that if it's a work situation, that you're able to be honest with and open up and share and have that like

a healthy dialogue. I do realize that some people listening, and when you brought up how we weren't justin Bieber, like my brain automatically went to, oh, yeah, shoot, like we also are people that, including us, but a lot of our listeners to they don't have the luxury of canceling whatever they're doing because they have bills to pay, right, But maybe what you can start to cultivate if you don't have yet is a team, a relationship with coworkers,

a relationship with your boss where you can be transparent and like, hey, like you're a hard worker, right, Well I'm I'm assuming, but let's say that you are. But if you do start to and I get not everybody can have this relationship. So this is me being in lala land. But my hope would be that you can have someone on your side that you can go to. That's where you can say I can't show up today as best as I can, Like, is there any way

you can cover me? When it's coming from a genuine place of like really needing help, not abusing a relationship by any means. I hate that my brain even jumps to that. But it really needs to come from a place of understanding. But that comes you and I having that. That comes from you know, back when I was going through the loss of my dad and a bunch of other things, like you showed up for me when I couldn't show up, and so we have that that mutual understanding.

But it's because we communicate and we share things, and some people can be so guarded in private, which there is something to that. I'm not saying like air everything out to the world, But who can you start to build that I'm going to call it a team for lack of a better who can be in your corner, whether it's at work, home, life, whatever that looks like. Who are your people that you can lean into so that you can take that time for yourself, whatever it

may look like. If the rainy day comes and you have to cultivate it. You can't just like boom, put it out there and then expect someone. But because that relationship was built and I understood where Lisa was coming from, she understood where I was coming from, it was like, oh wow, this is for real, like she needs this. And sometimes a good cry is a great form of

self care. So if you can't get out of your work meeting, your work, this or whatever, you don't have a coworker to help you out, but you got to go to the bathroom for five minutes and just cry it out, give yourself that release. And that's just kind of what I want to like frame here today is that it's not always pretty. However, I think that us, everyone listening here, has the power to transform the next

generation's viewpoint on self care. I had Serenader on my podcast and she talked about her mother who had a met you met, a very serious meditation practice every day and if her mom was in this one room, the door was on do not disturb, you know. And I think for a lot of people it's like, no, I

can't meditate, I don't have time to meditate. But this actually sets such an important boundary slash the way to live that can give future parents or future people permission to recognize that recharging is essential to showing up as your true, best, fullest, most authentic self. And that could again just look like so many things, but just don't be limited by the idea that it has to cost a lot, or that it um has to be something

even vanity related. I think that's really I think my my most important self care things that I do for myself probably I wouldn't want anyone to see me during Yeah. Well yeah, so we'll just leave you all with the hashtags self care isn't selfish? Yes? Sure, And thank you all for listening to this episode. I really enjoyed it. I know we covered a couple of different types of things,

but I think all important. And we just hope that you're enjoying out wigh, And if you haven't subscribed to the podcast, that you will do so wherever you listen, and you can even write and review if you happen to have time for that, but we do realize your time is precious, so thank you for listening. See your next Saturday