Seeking Control Through Clean Eating, Hitting Rock Bottom & More (Outweigh)

die out Happy Saturday outweigh fam. My expert guest for the next three weeks is Riley Laster, which Riley, you're a dietitian, but I know you as the person that makes me laugh on Instagram and gives me great anti diet culture competence, really humorous, funny, awesome way. And your handle, well, I guess I'll tell everybody else your handle in case they're not already calling it was just your at Riley Leicester R I L E Y l A s t E R. Welcome to the shop. Hello. I mean, I'm

just so excited to have you on. And when I first started following you on Instagram, I think someone had posted one of your funny videos and it resonated with me and I thought, oh, this is this is a great follow because I want that encouragement. I want that.

I love that there's humor mixed in with it though it's not and when you're coming from someone that you have your own disordered getting disorder, and so I thought I was just following that, like you this, you were sharing some of your experience and then you know, making funny reels about it. Well then I go to your page and I realized you're a dietitian, and so then

the light bulb went off. I said, Okay, I'm reaching out to her because I want her to come on and be a resident expert, a resident guest for three weeks. And so here we are, and I feel like I'm just getting like a getty girl sitting awesome on Zoo

from this person that I only know from Instagram. But you know, since I mentioned that, you do have a personal story for week one, if you just be willing to share some of that, what the journey looked like for you and then how you got to the other side and where you a dietitian during it before, like give us some of those details and then you know that that story of hope. Because I feel like some people listening and you and I were talking before we recorded.

Is when your knee deep in it, you just feel like, well, this is life, this is how we live, and my brain is always going to be thinking these crazy thoughts and there's the way and it's miserable, but oh well, yeah, what can I do about it? Yeah? Absolutely so. Um, my story with dieting is heavy and clanating, Like I was obsessed with it, you know, as most people did.

In the early two TAN scirled Pinterest, Oh my gosh, every day, and I found a girl on there who was my age, and she was a clean eating blogger. She was on Tumbler. Actually I'm going to date myself a little bit Tumbler. I don't know if that exists anymore. But um, and she just she had a story that really it touched me. She had been self conscious about

her white in high school. She was my age. She had really made strides in her mental health with what she ate, with how she worked out, and I thought I want to be like her. So at the time, it was kind of a perfect storm because I had had a actually had a friend passed away a couple of years before, and I dealt with some depression. I was in a relationship that wasn't great. And I was a little baby dietitian student. I had done a nutrition one hundred class. I knew just enough about nutrition to

get myself up in trouble. I knew about calories and b M I and white stuff like that, and I thought, you know, I want to try this clean eating thing because I want to look the part of being a dietitian. You know, dieticians aren't size ten, size twelve, there size zero two four, and they are, you know, cute, these cute little girls that run around and if you do

trendy foods and stuff like that. And I didn't feel like I fit that part because you know, my family goes to eat fried catfish on the weekend, so we aren't, you know, those super food kind of people. But I really got into what she was selling. And I don't hold any ill will towards her. She was, you know, looking back, she was struggling like I was, and I

kind of just became obsessed with it. I have that personality that I love to dig in, and I think that's a big personality type when it comes to disorder eating. When it comes to eating disporders, do you like to dig in do the research. I love numbers. I love to say this food has this many calories in it, and I know that I'm eating you know, half of it, and I'm gonna lock it in a app that tells me what I need. I love that. I loved the

whole structure. I love structure. And that's a big thing with um disordered eating is the control of it all. Your life can be totally falling apart outside of eating, but you really reach for that control. And that's something I do want to bring up. These diets are so geared towards your lifestyle when it's kind of falling apart. Honestly, my life was very messy, and clean eating was there to pick it up. And your life has fallen apart, well,

here's twenty one day fix. You're a broken chill of a human being, Well you've got the whole dirty diet to help you. They really do kind of fill in the gap and prey on people who need help in other ways, probably mental health experts, but we seek control through food instead. And I really didn't know that I would be so obsessed with the clean eating hold the journey. I loved it. I loved finding your recipe and trying

to make it help healthy. I loved um seven in ingredients making it lower and fat, and you know, I'm telling my family this and they're like, oh my gosh, this is horrible. They hated it. Two things I want to throw in based on you know what you just said, like the you might need to work on something else. So why not just throw yourself into a twenty one day situation because for me, and I'm sure for others maybe I don't want to speak for you, but it

numbs it out. It numbs out what you really to do, and so then that's just suppressing and then a big cycle, and so you might as well invest in getting help in that other areas that rely on it by any means. And then also the substituting to make things clean. Why we if I could have all the hours back on you know, Thanksgiving morning trying to make some gluten free, dairy free beacon whatever stuffing for my nobody would end up eating. Besides, like I would have a lot of

time back. I made clean new Teller once and my boyfriend at the time was now my husband, who saw me through all of this. Bless his heart, as we say in the South, bless his heart. He was like, what is that brown liquid on the counter, And I'm like, new teller, duh, and he's like, no, it was horrible. It wouldn't even go down the garbage disposal. I don't know what it was. It was disgusting, but you could not tell me that because that was my like gateway

of health. And I was losing weight. And as much as I was saying, um, it's all about health, this is just making me healthier, it was that I was losing weight for the first time ever and people were noticing. I was getting attention that I didn't even know I wanted. Because right now I'm like, oh my gosh, nobody looked at me ever. And that's how I feel like I was back then. But when people start giving you attention over something that you never thought I thought you would have,

it felt good and it fed into it. That's why I never I never comment on anybody's white loss. And I know sometimes that can come across this road because it's not saying that you didn't work hard. It's saying that you have a big percent a chance to gain this back. You're most likely going to gain this way back.

And I don't want to be the one that really praised you for it and has now given you anxiety when you gain it back, because my thoughts weren't I'm getting all this attention, but I know deep down I can't keep doing this when I gained all the way back, or people are gonna hate me, or people are not gonna be my friends, They're gonna be disgusted to go out with me because I didn't have self control to

keep the weight off. And oh, those thoughts keep you so entrenched in diet culture, and it's just it's sad and it's heartbreaking because most of the people in your life don't care. They don't care how much you why, they love you no matter what. And I wish I could have really told myself back then, but you couldn't tell me anything. What was the light bulb moment for you?

So you had that you were a baby dietitian and the thing tumbler, and then that spiraled into this clean eating obsession and clearly it was getting toxic and out of control. So what what snapped you back? Like pow? And it seems this though now your life is a one eight? What snapped you back like how? And it seems this though, Now your life is a one eight.

So what took you there? I did the clean eating for three years, and most people, I'll say most dietitian accounts that I followed the do teach into debating, which is what I eventually got into. They tell about my clients hit rock bottom. I'm so stubborn. I hit rock bottom probably like seven times. I would you know, I can't do this for one more day, but white, I'm going to be and people I went to high school within a month, I'm gonna lose the weight or um gosh,

I wouldn't able to wear those jeans anymore. Let me just give it one more good try. And I had so stubborn. I just kept hitting this rock bottom, but it wouldn't be rock bottom enough. I just could not get enough of I guess I just I have a tough time learning my lesson. So finally, I'll say it wasn't even from a sense of um desperation. It was more so may just saying I can do better than this. I want to have kids one day, and I want to be able to be a good role model, and

this is not being a good role model. Also, I had been married a couple of years at this point, and I felt like I had never given my husband my you know, undivided attention. I was always we were out to eat, and I'm looking at the calories on my phone of what's on the menive, and I'm just I wanted to see, how can my relationships, but not just you know, my marriage, but my friendships, what can

they look like outside of diet culture. That's the best decision I ever made, because even if you think it's not taking up your attention, it is. It absolutely is. Even if you think, oh, I've got a good handle on this, I'm not obsessed with dieting. You probably are more than you realize. And I didn't realize how much time it took up in my day to day. It's insane to think about now, but I really did put a lot of effort, because that's the type of person

I am. I put a lot into what I'm working on, and for good or bad, and that's that's a lesson. I had to learn to put it into the right things. And So, what did your husband noticed or did he enjoy most about you making that transition into recovery. About a year after Hey looked at me, and I will never forget this. He said, my life sucked when you were eating right stakes I'm like, excuse me. He's like it was horrible. I'm like, but I was so thin, and he's like, I don't care about that. You were

not you. Your personality was gone. I mean just a big quite honest. He's like, your butt was gone. I mean it was. It was awful. I'm like, really, like you noticed, because I mayn't come on, most men just don't notice stuff. So I'm thinking he doesn't even notice what's going on with me. This is not gonna make, you know, a difference to him, and it really did. Just date nights where we were actually talking versus me scrolling on my phone looking at you know, what can

I eat at this restaurant? What do I need to meal prep for next week where I can maybe lose one pound? It just the mental energy I was putting into this, and it was nice that he noticed. I will say it was nice that he noticed a difference. I mean, it does free up so much space, because yeah, you don't realize when you're in it. But I'll just speak for someone that's out of it. Oh, you get so much brain space back and your world is no

longer small. You get to variance different things with your loved ones, with your friends, you get to eat different food, You get to enjoy a weekend get away like a vacation, with having to find where you're going to go work out and figure out all the different places you can be more you know, breezy, You just go with the flow and enjoy what's happening instead of freaking out. It's

not your fault. There's no shame or guilt. If you're feeling that right now like you are in it's it's it's a thing, and it's a it's a disorder, it's a disease. You just your eyes sometimes are blind to it.

You don't even realize what it's happening. But then once that's lifted, you will start to feel that weight come off and you will it'll just and it doesn't happen overnight, but suddenly you'll I know, for me, I took a weekend to go visit a friend that I hadn't seen in a few years, and I know the last time I was with that friend it was very I had a lot of anxiety about the trap and then when I went in recovery. I went, had a great time, came home like there was no drama there and it

was all in my head. And you know what's funny about that trip, that specific person is my mom made this dessert called cherry very on a cloud. Do you know what's oh it is? It's so good. So my mom, she was the only one that made it. She's she's since passed away. And you know, my friend, I knew that I love that recipe, and a few years ago when I went to visit her, she made it and I barely ate it because you didn't fit into my you know, but I didn't want food. But obviously she

noticed I barely ate it. And I kid you not, Riley. Whenever I was getting ready to go back to visit her, I thought, oh, I wonder if she's gonna make a cloud in recovery now? And that's ready, Oh let's go. I can't wait. And I get there, she made me anything, and I kind of like, uh, you know, just casually, I kind of thought you were going to make a chair burry on cloud and she said, oh, shoot, I would have She goes, but I just never know what,

you know, diet or whatever you're on. I don't want to. She's like, honestly, I didn't want to attempt you or do like she was being respected. She was, she didn't want to. It seemed like last time she messed with what I had going on, and that broke my heart as a friend. And so I apologized to her and asked for forgiveness, and you know, she looked at me and I won't forget this because I don't know that

a lot of friends would respond this way. Some might be like, yeah, I mean that's that was sucking me like that, and that's okay if you My sister and other friends have said up like your like your husband, my life stuck eating rice cakes. But she looked at me and she said, Amy, for years, you were always trying different things, And yeah, that's something that I knew about you, but I also liked a lot of other things about you too, So I just would ignore that.

And I was like, oh, thank you past that because it was a because it is it's your whole life at some point. And yeah, it's so great when people can say past that, because a lot of times we can't say past that. We see the diet or we are on a diet, this is me. I post on Instagram a lot. Obviously. One thing I really try to convey is you are not your diet. You may be doing the keto, but you have so many more things about you that are you know, interesting. Stop just hiding

your identity in your diet. Be you and remember those things about yourself. Because this diet is gonna come and go. You're gonna be on to another one. But the personality and the person you are, let that shine because diet culture will straight up dim you when it gets the chance. It will turn out your light. And uh, it's tough. It's tough when you say, a frien going through that too.

For sure. I love the light that you are on Instagram, which will it'll lead us into you know, what we're going to talk about next week, So I encourage people to make sure to listen next Saturday because that's what we're going to break down, your social media present and your funny videos and just what that's been like for you. I'm so curious to talk about that. But in the meantime, people can go check you out on Instagram again. Your handle is that Riley Laster, and I love your bio

Dietitian and big fan of intuitive eating. So thank you Riley for for joining us the next three weeks and for sharing a little bit of your story. And you know, honestly, just to your husband real quick, you can tell him rice cakes do suck like but also I'm still kind

of enjoyed them. I don't eat them the same way I used to, but I still know if I have like a love hate relationship with them, because I mean, sometimes you slather some nut butter and on there and it's real good, or you'd use it to dipping hummus, and like, I'm a big fan of that. Would love to get the thin rice cakes, the really thin ones, and I put nanny. It's like a sandwich. You're cheating, like if you're in a herb. I just put manannaise on both sides and sea salt and then I get

a slice of cheese, and I like, that's what I make. Really, I'm running out the door. So rice cakes are not evil, absolutely not. Unfortunately likely back in the day what he's speaking when we were probably literally eating a plain, dry, boring rice cake. Yes, food is so intentional. It's about how you use it, it really is. You can take the best things that tastes the best and make them terrible. I just want, you know, the rice cakes Yea of

America coming after this. It's like, I don't know, because yeah, I love a crunch, so that's why it appealed to me. And then I took it down a dark road. All right. Well, thank you Riley, and we'll see you all next Saturday. By