I won't let my body out be outwait everything that I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change. I'm learning to love who I am again. I'm strong, I feel free, I know every pardon me, it's beautiful.
And that will.
Always out way if you feel it.
But your hands in here, She'll some love to the vid. Why get that? Take you one day?
And did you and die out way?
Happy Saturday? Outweigh Amy here and I'm alongside Leanne Ellington. We started a series last Saturday. It's redefined to Align be redefining some things so that you can find alignment within yourself and hopefully feel more like yourself, more true to yourself, more authentic. Land did you know that the word of the year for twenty twenty three, according to to Merriam Webster is authenticity.
I did not know that.
They said it was the most searched word of the year by people, and I think it was because AI made such a splash this year, and that's obviously not real, not authentic. It's this what is happening, and people are very much craving authenticity and they're craving connection, and hopefully this series will help you get there. Last week we talked about redefining success, and today we're going to talk
about redefining boundaries. And this is the time of year that is really challenging for a lot of women, a lot of men too, struggling with food, their bodies, and holidays can just be a little hectic. We all feel it at times. So our encouragement is that you definitely take time out for yourself to listen to all four of these episodes. After today, there'll be two more weeks of this. We'll talk about redefining stress and redefining results
on week four. But when it comes to boundaries, lean, how have you had to redefine boundaries in your own life?
The number one thing I hear from people is I need better boundaries. I need help saying They think saying no is a problem or saying yes to too many things, and a lot of times that I know, for me, I thought that boundaries met with other people. But what I discovered was that when it comes to redefining what boundaries means, we have to take other people out of
it and start with ourselves. And oftentimes it's lack of clarity of what we want, so we, you know, commit to too many things or say yes to too many things. It might fall under the category of people pleasing of you know, caring way too much about pleasing other people at the expense of pleasing ourselves, or feeling resent. But then also this is the one that can be a
little sneaky. Oftentimes it's an integrity gap for ourselves. Our word has become negotiable, and we're kind of, for lack of a better way of saying it, flighty with our word, and we're saying things without really you know, meaning them, or committing to things without really looking at the consequences of like will I follow through on them? And then the cost of that is we don't trust ourselves when we make these commitments, and then we think we have
a boundary problem. So really an integrity problem is disguised as a boundary problem. So I think the easiest way to redefine boundaries is to instead of looking at it as like a inside to outside or outside to inside kind of situation, really take radical ownership and authority of it, of looking at it of like, Okay, boundaries are my responsibility, and it's an integrity with self thing first and foremost, and who I want to be and how I want
to feel and not in a selfish way. Right. And in the theme of redefining, a lot of people think like, oh, I'm afraid of being selfish or coming across as you know, self whatever valuing right. But in reality, when you think about the version of you that's burnt out, stressed out, resenting other people, they are not getting the best version of you. So this really does serve other people to
to take ownership of your ability to create boundaries. So that's kind of the first layer that I wanted to lay down on this conversation.
I have thought. So redefining boundaries part one is that it doesn't have to do necessarily with other people. It has to do with us. I don't know that I learned that right away. When I started working on boundaries, it was definitely with others first and then myself. So I like that you're putting that first, because I think I would have benefited by putting boundaries within me. You know,
I would have benefited from that, for sure. I can see how that comes in handy dealing with that first, because then it sort of all falls into place, you know, making it like, oh, I need to set a boundary because this thing, this person, this event, this work, whatever it is, this party. Really it's like, okay, within me, what do I need at this moment for myself?
Yeah, And I think oftentimes people get a little bit distressed by the concept of putting down a boundary because they think it might mean being confrontation. And it's the difference between like standing up against something and saying like, no, I'm not doing that, and putting our foot down, because oftentimes, unfortunately, the boundary conversation comes after you've been like unboundaried and you're resentful or stressed out or burnt out or just
have nothing left. You're depleted, defeated, all the things, and so it ends up being almost like a defensive thing of like, no, I need to lay down boundaries, and we go into this defensive mode Versus what I'm inviting y'all into is this idea of like, what if it was not standing up against something or someone, but standing in the knowingness of what you want and what really serves you, and again not in a selfish way that a lot of people think about it, as in, I'm
going to be able to serve everybody else if I actually take care of myself and protect my energy, right, but in this offensive way of like I don't even want to let it get to the point where I have to like lay down the law, so to speak. I'm just letting my yeses be yes's, my nose be knows,
but also being unapologetic about it. I think so many people get so flustered and frustrated because they're just saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, out of this desire to please or perform or not air quotes, let somebody down, and in turn they're letting
themselves down. Right, So the set, I guess the second layer would be going from playing defense and having to like go clean it up and being reactive and set boundaries versus offensively so to speak, or proactively or in a responsible way like able to respond way say you know what, this is what works for me, this is what doesn't work for me, this is what's okay with me, this is what's within my limits and my bounds, and then invite people into that. Rather than train, we almost train.
I know I did, like I trained people that I was just the one to say yes, or I was the one to drop everything in a minute. And don't get me wrong, I still want to be that person that people can count on and we drop things if they need it. But there's again within the bounds where I'm not losing my sense of self. I'm not you know, kiltering on burnout and I'm not out of integrity.
I think that we can go yes ssss please please, and then yeah, we hit a wall and then we're like no, no, no, no no, And like you said, it ends up being on the defense. And when you take care of yourself first and redefine it for you in those boundaries, then you know what your actual bandwidth is.
It may take a minute to figure that out, but eventually you'll get there and you be like, oh, you'll realize that you can make certain decisions with ease, and you may end up saying a yes to something that might have been a harsh no because of your overwhelm when if you approach it in a more peaceful way, because you have had your own boundaries in place for a little bit, it's not going to happen overnight. But say they're there, then you might be like, oh, that's
actually a yes. So in my mind, it's expanding opportunities that you may have or relationships you may have you're expanding, but we have to put in the work first to create the boundaries.
Absolutely, no, one thousand percent. But then you're actually like really doing the stuff that serves you and you feel good about. And it's interesting too because, as you'll find
with all of these redefinitions, there's some crossovers. So last week we were talking about this idea of redefining success, right, and so when it comes to boundaries too, I think when I talk about this idea of standing in the knowingness of who you are and what's right for you and just kind of having it's almost like an internal compass of like, this is who I am and this is what I value, and this is what feels good and that alignment and this feels congruent, authentic all the things.
But it can also come to like what and whom
we allow into our kind of energy space. So, for example, I got an email from a client who who she graduated from my program a couple of years ago, and she told me that she was following somebody on social media that she thought aligned with her values, you know, her new values around health and her new values around acceptance and body imagin all of that and so she said that a few weeks ago she signed up for this twenty one day challenge with this woman, thinking that
it would be something that she would enjoy. It was all virtual, and the first video from this person was like, you're going to be so excited when the holidays come around and your friends and family tell you look so great and they're all jealous and they ask you how you lost the weight, and they're just giving you compliments
left and right on your body. And she she told me, she's like, I immediately contacted them and told them I didn't want to do the challenge anymore because that is the kind of thinking that I don't want to subscribe to you anymore, Like I don't want my whole life to
be wrapped around that. And so internally she also had these boundaries that were really like stabilized and foundationalized, if that's a word, by her values and who she chooses to be in this world and what she values and what she defines as her definitions of success, and so having boundaries about like what you want to participate in and who you want to be around, and the kind of vibe and the kind of conversation that's all part of this as well, and giving yourself permission to say, no,
that's not I'm not feeling that, it's not anti you, it's just pro me and I'm doing it for the good of my heart, my soul and my health.
Yeah. I guess sometimes when I think of boundaries, especially this time of your calendar, things come to mind. But it's also boundaries for what type of words you're going to allow into your space, what type of language is being used, And you may have to remove yourself from
some conversations or entire programs or relationships. Yeah, but you know, it also could just be a conversation and easy is you knowing that to take care of yourself you might need to step away, walk away, because the truth is that call started that way. Because this time of year, you are often seeing people you haven't seen in a while, and those are comments that family and friends make on both ends, like oh what are you doing? You look great? Or oh you've lost weight, are you okay? Or oh
you put on a few what's going on? Or oh filling out those clothes you know from uncle whoever? You know, people just say stuff that should didn't come out of their mouths, but yet it still does and you have
to deal with it. And that's where you know you can just take a second breathe and if it stresses you out, then next Saturday we're talking about free defining stress and so there'll be some tools in there for you to take a look at that during this holiday season, Leanne, where can people find you?
You can find me at Leanne Ellington over on socials. And then if you want to learn more about rewiring your brain, redefining what it looks like for boundary stress, your entire identity around food, your body health, you can find my free masterclass over on Stressless Eating dot com
And I am at Radio Amy on socials and we'll see you next Saturday for redefining stress