I won't let my body out me outwait everything that I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
I'm learning love who.
I am again.
I'm stung. I feel free.
I know every part of me.
It's beautiful.
And then hello, always out way. If you feelip but.
You She'll some love to the vio.
Why get there?
Say you one day?
Anata? Did you? And die out way?
Happy Saturday, out Weigh. This is Leanne here and I'm so excited to have our special guest Suzanne here with us. Hello Suzanne, Ai li Aenne. Oh so happy to be here. So just gonna brag on Suzanne for a second. We actually came together to work together about five years ago. She came through my Stressful seeding program. She's been on my podcast before. I'll actually link in the show notes
a link to her testimony, super powerful testimony. But the reason that she's joining us on this podcast series is because, first of all, she is just the walking, talking epitome of how to live in this next level version of yourself. I know that navigating the road of recovery from disordered eating. Maybe you're struggling in the midst of an eating disorder, maybe you're struggling just with the simple fact of body dysmorphia or the shame around your body every single day.
And I say simple, not diminishing it. But you know, sometimes it feels like it's the only thing we're thinking about. And one of the reasons I wanted to do this series is because there is so much life outside of it. And I know for me, when I was in the midst of my healing journey, I wasn't paying attention to all the other stuff that was in play because I was so consumed with food in my body. And that's why we really wanted to bring you this series to
really break through breakdown within the midst of recovery. There's still so much of life to be lived, to be had, and I want you guys to just be open to that and think about that too. So today's specific, and we're going to be covering a bunch of different topics, but today we're going to be talking about navigating life beyond the checklist, which is so appropriate for this time of year. So first of all, I'm gonna turn it over to Suzanne and just have her share her thoughts
on this. But really it's the difference between you know, doing doing, doing, always in the hustle, always in the striving, versus being. And we talk about all the time about becoming this next level version of yourself. But how do you do that when you're so used to only living in the doing and what you get done, what you don't get done, weighing your measure and measuring your worth
by that factor. But also this concept of like deciding who you want to be within the doing versus again measuring yourself by the doing, and how it's just so life is so much simpler and better when you think about doing less so that you can be more. So Hello, hello again, Suzanne, Thank you so much for being here.
Oh, it is such a pleasure to get to have this conversation with you. Leanne. You know that I love this concept of who do I want to be instead of what I want to do? This really was such a mind shift for me when you pose that question, and I started to do some of the work of figuring out my own self compass what are the things
that are most important to me? And I'm smiling as I think back five years working on that and how I was even judging myself about the words I was selecting through what would be the way that I wanted to define myself. There was such pressure I was putting on myself to think I have to do this a particular way and in a particular timeframe, and thinking that it was all worthy of a gold star or not.
And the reality is you helped to guide me to really think about important questions of when I am living my life, how do I want to show up? Who is it that I am at my very core? And it helped me to identify for me, I want to be loving, I want to be kind, I want to not feel frantic. I want to show up prepared. I want to be a good listener, I want to be a good friend. And I want to be kind and offer all of those things to myself too as well as to others.
Yes.
And you know I was really early in our time together put to that test because just shortly after we started working together, my dad died and life through such a huge curve ball, and that was one of the times to really think about who do you want to be as you go through this experience. Does it mean that I never get impatient or frustrated or angry? Of course not. But I don't want those to be the
guiding principles of my life. I want absolutely and experience that is calmer and kinder and more forgiving to myself. And I think back, it really has been about allowing my true light to shine and get out of my own way so that I can be who I know, my very best self to be inside deep inside, I know who that is, and just giving myself permission to be that.
Yeah, And it's such a massive distinction because I know for me, when I was in the midst of you know, really the crux of my food and body shame and the disorder, I wasn't thinking about any of that. That wasn't even in my paradise. I was literally just so obsessed with my appearance. And there's no shame if that's where you are, or that's where you might be, being aware that you've been practicing as well. But I know that you know, we're thinking about what are we eating,
what are we not eating? Will will I gain weight? Will I lose weight? And again, no shame if that's some of the conversation that's taking over your brain. But there's so much more on the outside of that, and you know you're right when your dad died. It was just a few weeks in and it was really one
of those things that held up a mirror. I remember you were like, I still have to I'm still as committed to my own freedom as I was, and my dad would want this for me, Like I'm yes, I need some time to go grieve and we're gonna have a you know, do what we need to do with our family. And you took the time that you needed, but it didn't change your commitment to yourself because you
made that decision. And then I remember, it's funny when you I don't know if you remember this, but we were on a call one time, and this was this was after you had come back and you were in the thick of it, right you were doing the work, and we were on a call and you're like, Leanne, I'm just letting you know I've been so burnt out. Work is crazy, like there's so much going on right now. But I made this wheel like a chart. It was like a wheel or a chart or something. I remember,
and you were so excited. You were so proud of it. And it had list after a list after action item, and I remember I sat you down, this is on the phone. So we were sat down and I was like, listen, I love that you're excited this chart, but what if right now this chart was like the last thing you needed. What if you actually needed some healing and recovery and not a doing doing doing? And I really think that was one of the first times that you got cracked
open to this distinction of the being versus doing. So, first of all, do you remember that.
Vividly I had created this light colored chart. I was so excited about it.
Yes, I'm like, I have this time, and I'm going to spend this time doing this and this and this and this and this. And it really was illuminating when you said, hold on, let's put that chart aside.
What's behind that? Why do you want to do those things? What version of yourself feels like that's what you have to do? And it really opened my eyes to say, this person who strives for perfection and this person who's measuring herself based only on accomplishments, is the one driving that chart. Okay, So I love the question that you've post over and over again, how are you weighing and measuring your life? It helped me to say, what are the things that I that truly matter to me, that
I want to measure my life by. Some of that is accomplishment professionally, but the bigger pieces of it are relationships, the trust that I can build with others, the amount of love that I can share with others. I'm a singer, so you know, am I using my creative self in the ways that make me feel satisfied and bring that gift to other people? How often am I reaching out to somebody? How often am I doing something kind for
a stranger? Those to me are the more important ways that I measure my life now instead of what's all the activity that I've done. And at the end of the day, like I'm falling into bed completely exhausted and wired because I got that hope to do list done. I don't like to live that way anymore, and I was living that way constantly at that time, absolutely.
And two big distinctions that just came out of what you said is, you know, first of all, what you were weighing and measuring was based on what you wanted others to perceive you of. It was doing for others, giving to others, performing for others. But also, like when you think about that chart, and that chart was amazing. It was perfect for you in the right time and
right place. But in that moment, what you needed was to receive and fill your cut back up and be grounded and relaxed and rejuvenate and regenerate and all those things. And when you became that, when you realize, like, no, who I really want to be right now is peace. Who I really want to be is calm and grateful, versus think about when we're just pleasing and performing for others, we end up being resentful right and burnt out.
Yeah, I was getting accolades and awards and all sorts of public recognition for the things that I was doing, and I still felt empty and not fulfilled by that because I wasn't filling my own cup and identifying who did I want to be? I was only looking at those external pieces as validation.
And when you filled that cut back up and got clear and grounded and who you wanted to be, that chart would have been so much more beneficial to you in that version of you exactly.
And that chart never resurfaced. I have other things that I and different ways that I, you know, strategized for myself and things that I want to do and that chart just has not seen the light of day again.
I love it, and maybe it'll ground itself or a resurface, but when it does, it'll be coming from the right right place for you. So wrapping a bow around this concept of who you want to be versus what you want to do or beyond the checklist, can you just share a little bit of your experiences of what it was like when you just entered into the conversation of doing less and being more, or maybe it meant like
subtracting in order to add. Can you just just share a little bit of what that looked like for you.
Yeah. I think one of the things that stands out to me is this, I had this idea that it was going to be an automatic shift and having to allow myself permission to recognize that the changes that I was making for myself were gradual and building upon themselves. So I wasn't going to automatically just not have my to do list or a checklist, absolutely, because that was
just that felt so foreign. But I was starting to gradually add in time to my day to do some gratitude journaling, and I was adding time into my day for a couple of minutes of meditation and a couple of minutes of stretching, and I was letting my mind rest in a way that I hadn't been allowing it to do previously, and that helped in those gradual shifts to identify how did I feel inside? What was my
body telling me? The message was like, wow, I was really wired and it was lovely to have a little time to let my thoughts unravel a little bit, and it helped me then to identify, oh, this is a different way of being, and I could start to be this way throughout my day while still fulfilling the things that I wanted to fulfill throughout the day. I'm still showing up in relationships, I'm still showing up at work.
I'm still showing up in creative pursuits. But I don't have to be so frenzied in doing that and feel like everything has to be done and feel honestly, there were days I felt like I was a guitar string pulled and pulled and pulled so tightly that it was just a moment away from snapping. And I love that I've given up what that feels like. You know, I'm pointing to the middle of my chest because that's where I felt it in my body, like I was stretched so tight to be able to just like give myself
that permission to loosen. And that's part of how I want to be instead of what I want to do. I want to be a more relaxed, more at peace, more loving and kind version of me. And it was a gradual process. It was not overnight, and it felt foreign when it first started, but now it just feels lovely.
I'm so glad that you mentioned that, because first of all, it's it's we're talking about doing less and being more, and that goes with the transformation process too. Like it's slow, it's gradual. The nervous system learns and adapts best when it's in minimums, not in maximums. That whole zero to sixty, harder, faster, more mentality is just not sustainable and your brain does not learn that way. But also, you know, you had to figure out what it looked like for you. It
can't be a cookie cutter, one size fits all. That's why I strongly encourage everyone to find your version of this conversation, because you know, Suzanne's version of is not yours, and my version of it is not yours. It's got to be your ingredients to make it last a lifetime. So thank you so much for illuminating this topic. We're
going to be back with so much more. We have an entire series here with Suzanne, and just keep in mind, like, yes, it goes with the understanding that she went through the process of getting out of that toxic all or nothing diet mentality and really you know, building a new relationship
with food in her body. But we really wanted to emphasize the things that live outside of that, because again, this healing journey can be all consuming, So just keep that in mind as we're going about these conversations and we are going to be back next Saturday with this concept of owning your worth in the face of haters.
It's one thing to own your worth when you're by yourself in a room, but when you have people that are actively speaking out against you, trying to diminish you and it's in your face, that is a different story. And Suzanne can share a lot to relate to that. So thank you so much for being here, Suzanne.
We really appreciate you. Oh, thank you so much for the invitation to join you.
Absolutely, we're excited for you to come back next week and ladies, if you want to learn more about how to rewire your brain and heal from your own version of the all or nothing mentality for good, but without restricting yourself and obsessing and punishing yourself, head on over to stressless eeating dot com and check out the free webinar. You can also find me on socials at LeAnn Ellington. Well, we will be back next week. Thanks for listening, ladies. Bye,