I won't let my body out be outwait everything that I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change. I'm learning love who I am. I I'm strong, I feel free, I know every pardon me, it's beautiful and that will always out way if you feel it with your hands all She'll some love to the vio.
Why get there?
Take you one day and did you and die out way?
Happy Saturday outweigh Amy here and Leanne Hey.
Leanne, Hello, Hello, Hello, And we're.
Working through do you Know Your True Value and Worth? Ingredients one and two aired the last two weeks, and now we are on ingredients three. It's like we're making some cookies and this is your version of self esteem?
Yeah, the highlight on the your version. You know, everything we're talking about here has to be really individualized and catered to you because how you feel about yourself is different than how I feel. And what you need to fill in those gaps is going to be different than what I need. But what's relevant to all of us? And first, I want to define what I mean by self esteem because a lot of times it's like, oh, do I have confidence?
Do I like myself?
And that's part of it right, But I think it's actually the no like and trust factor of yourself. And specifically we're going to talk about the trust factor, because what happens is is a lot of us get in the pattern of, you know, making promises to ourselves that we just don't follow through on, or we just don't keep, you know, or maybe we make commitments that are that
are outrageous, they're ludicrous, we can't possibly keep them. But then what happens is we witness ourselfs not following through and then we end up you know, obviously not finishing what we start, but then we believe ourselves less and less the next time we say to ourselves, Okay, I'm going to do this, or I'm going to start this, or I'm going to stop that, And it's that trust factor.
We lose trust in ourselves, we don't believe ourselves, our word becomes kind of negotiable, and then in turn off the back of that, we lose respect for ourselves. So when you think about like a typical definition of self esteem confidence, you know, do you like yourself, do you believe in yourself? Well, how much do you like and believe in yourself when you're walking around without trusting yourself, and then you've lot total lost, total respect for yourself.
So that's really what I wanted to bring to the table. And these are the conversations that you know, when you are kind of stuck in that food and body prison as I call it, when you're you know, in that cycle of obsession over you know, food, your weight, your calories,
all of that. It's like, this is one of those things where I say, it's not about the food, you know, the food just becomes sort of a coping mechanism, whether we're trying to like the hyper restriction control side of it or the you know, screw it out of control, you know, care free abandonment side of it. And there
are two sides of the same coin. But again then we focus on like, okay, I'll go, I'll go figure out what I'm gonna eat here to look at my body in this way, and it's like, no, what if this underneath it and these you know, truly knowing your worth again had nothing to do with your body, and you took your eyes off of that focus and went into this side of like trusting yourself, respecting yourself, and just went down that rabbit hole.
What would be possible for you.
Yeah, I will say, thinking back years decades of me, I guess the best way to put it is start tomorrow sort of and I would talk to myself, but that would pile on. It would pile on because then when I couldn't start tomorrow because I didn't realize it was just about you know, it wasn't as simple as that. Yeah, I lost a lot of trust with myself, and there was this you know, integrity piece of like who am I even and what does this even matter? And I
don't even care. I mean, I started to have just this dialogue that wasn't adding up to who deep down I wanted to be. But it was a cycle and it felt very like I just kept sabotaging myself. But I was on a hamster wheel.
You touched on something so important here, which is the identity piece of this when we're talking about our true value and worth. I'm sorry you said integrity piece, which is you know, becomes that identity when we are out of integrity with who we want to be. But sometimes again we're desensitized to it because we're like, oh, this is just.
What I do.
I start things and I don't finish them, or I say, you know, I'll get back on the wagon on Monday, and I just you know, words are words.
And so again we become desensitized to that.
But we live a life out of integrity and that gap, you know, of who we know we want to be and who we are so committed to showing up as versus the version of ourself that we are showing up as, or we witness ourselves kind of falling into that trap or that cycle. The gap, that gap between who we want to be and who we show up as, that's where the toxic shame lives. And it's sneaky, it's insidious.
We don't always know it's there.
Yeah, And I think for me using food or restriction or control or anything to numb out to other things that were going on. When I'm numb, I don't know what I care about. I don't know what I feel because I don't, I can't. I'm not feeling anything anyway, So what does any of it matter? But deep down I know that I really wanted to care about stuff, and I wanted to be able to trust myself, and absolutely I wanted to have a good relationship with myself. But I couldn't get out of the hole.
Yeah, and it's it's like you just said, it's not logical in the moments. That's why you know our I know, my go to COVID mechanism was like, Okay, I just need more willpower or I just need more self control.
And it's like no, we're using all of these logic and reason air quotes weapons to address this like deeper emotional integrity, self worth, self value gap and not to mention total side note and side episode is like, who's to say you're going to feel any of these things even if you do reach your air quotes, ideal weight or you know whatever. Anyways, you know, so this is
the stuff that gets missed, you know. And and yeah, like when you're in it again, these are the things that make us go towards coping mechanisms, whether it's food, Netflix, social media, dating apps, whine. I mean I've used them all right, so it's there's no shame about it, but acknowledging, like and I think that's really just the first step is is where do I Where have I fallen out of trust with myself?
You know?
And that leads us to not liking ourselves and not believing ourselves and not respecting ourselves, Like where have I fallen out of trust with myself? And even just like identifying where has my word become negotiable? Where have I
been saying something and doing another? And like the say do gap is massive, right, but even and again, like I know we talk about baby steps and you know awareness awareness a lot, but like even just that of just acknowledging, okay, where am I constantly making a promise to myself and not falling through the first step? Or like if I were to give a tip, would just be like stop making promises all together? And I know that sounds counterintuitive because it's like leanne like shouldn't I
be doing something? Or isn't committing to something better than committing to nothing? But every time you commit to something and witness yourself not following through, you are depleteating that self esteem and self trust and self respect bank account so to speak, right, and you're taking away from it.
But if you just acknowledge, and here's the thing with it's usually not our first rodeo what we're committing to, you know, the ten things on our to do list that never get done or the air quotes diet that you keep going back to thinking that that's your you know, safe place and you don't follow through on it, Like it's not your first road too. You know, you know
where this is going to end. So knowing what you know, it's like the first step is just stop committing to stuff altogether in a way and like just not witnessing yourself kind of be as sing yourself so that you can actually let your word be aligned with what you say and what you mean.
So, how do we have a goal? Like how do you how do we've word it?
Or how do we have get I get not wanting to you know, continue to make these promises because that when you continue to break them, it's not good.
But how do we set ourselves up?
Yeah, it's a really good question and good distinction because it's like, well, leahe you just told me to stop committing stuff, but how do I actually have goals?
How do I get anything done? Right's the what's the middle ground?
So my invitation would be and it's it's a bigger conversation than this, but it would if I were to bottom line it, it would be this, first of all, minimize the size of your promises. Right, So a lot of people are making these big, grandiose promises and making promises in these maximal zero to sixty kind of mindset, you know. So one thing would just be look at the size of your promises and minimize the size of the of
the goals that you're setting, you know. And instead of thinking like, Okay, here's where I am right now, like if I'm if I'm a two, what would get me to a ten? It's like, okay, if I'm a two, what would get me to a three? And then what would get me to a four? And really like looking at things in manageable chunks so that you can witness yourself actually following through on things and witness yourself being
a trustworthy promise maker, you know. And then the other side of that is like again, and this is a big, bigger conversation, but it comes back to what you were saying about integrity.
Is like, I'll just say how it showed it for me.
I had to draw that line in this and say I'm no longer willing to be out of alignment with what I say and what I mean, Like I'm no longer willing to witness myself lie to myself and honestly like just drawing that line in the sand and making that like kind of putting your stake in the ground and almost like declaring about who you want to be, so that now it's not about what you're doing or not doing, it's about who do you want to be, and even just saying like, I'm no longer willing to
be as myself. And the cool thing is is that when you do that and you take away you know, almost almost manipulating your your words to fit. Oh, I'll feel better if I at least say I'll do it right, you'd be shocked at what you start committing to off the back of I no longer am willing to be out of integrity and you start with like the who you.
Want to be is a person of integrity and go from there.
And so go back to the question that you would say that we need to ask ourselves is a good starting point. So that way, if people want to journal through this and the next time you go on a hike, like think about it however you like to process.
Yeah, where in my life are my words negotiable? Where are my promises to myself negotiable? Where am I not? Where am I out of alignment, out of integrity with what I'm saying versus what I'm doing, and just start there, Just start there, just again, full responsibility, no blame, you know, just taking radical ownership. But you're not here to shame or blame yourself, just as data, like, where am I out of alignment? Where do I notice myself constantly saying
I'm going to do this and then I don't? Because it's not just the lack of doing it, it's that you're literally depleting your self esteem bank account because it's costing you trust and it's costing you respect. And so even just like stopping the leak by asking where has my word been negotiable?
Okay?
Ingredient three your version of self esteem? This is do you know your true value and worth? We're all working towards that.
LeAnn. Where can people find you?
You can head on over to Leannellington dot com. I'm also Leanne Ellington on Instagram. If you want to hear more about the rewiring your brain side of all of this food and body stuff, you can check out my free master class over there as well.
And Leanne also has a podcast It's called What's God Got to Do With it, and I'm at radio a meet on socials if you want to find me there.
Bye, Bye,