Change Will Not Happen Unless You Choose It with Dylan Murphy (Outweigh)

die out Happy Saturday. Outweigh fam amy here And I'm joined today by Dylan Hey, Dylan Hi Aby, Dylan Murphy to be specific, and on Instagram Dylan Murphy dot r D. And you're registered Dietitians with the r DS for and I'm on your Instagram right now. And as part of your bio, you have ditch diets Gain Freedom. And I gotta say, that's what Outweigh is all about, is trying to find that freedom. Our tagline is a life without disordered eating outweighs everything. So that's why it's called outweigh.

So what made you focus on this or be that type of dietitian because Lord knows, there's other kinds. Yeah, gosh, there's so many other kinds. And I feel like, oftentimes when I tell people I'm a dietitian. I'm like, let me explain what type of dietician I am, because yeah, we're not all created equal. I think for me, once I experienced what like life outside of rules of calorie counting, all of all of that was like for myself personally,

which happened after I became a dietician. I was like, I can't teach people things that I learned in school. I can't teach people how to count calories, what to eat, what not to eat, because there's so much freedom, like I have in that tagline, like so much freedom that lies outside of of diets that I've experienced myself and

been able to help other clients experience as well. So I think my own personal experience has played a huge role in definitely wanting to help people just find that freedom. And do you feel as though when you were in

school the main focus was teaching people how to diet. Yeah, And I gosh, I tell a lot of my clients and just a lot of people like I feel like as dietitians, and I guess I can't speak for every program, but a lot of programs we almost learn, like how to give people eating disorders, to like put it bluntly, like we learn a lot about strict calorie diets, what to eat, what not to eat. It's very like weight

centric approach. And so this idea of like intuitive eating of more like weight neutral care was very foreign to me, honestly until I mean, I think I learned a lot about through Instagram and then did a lot of like self study on my own, did more like courses in training on like intuitive eating and eating disorders. Because even in college I probably had two lectures on eating disorders, and in my postgrad program to be a dietitian, I had like a one week rotation in like an intensive

treatment center for eating disorder. So we get very very little training in that area, right, which is you know, part of the problem. And so for those of us listening, I feel like right now, yeah, I'm a listener to and you know, we wonder how we end up the way we end up, and it's because it's just the norm. It's like, it's what we hear from diet industry. It's what we see on Instagram. It used to be billboards, magazines, TV, but that's been the narrative for a long time. And

then that's what we've that's what we're fed. And then you know, just casual conversations with other humans and other dieticians. That's that's the narrative. Like even when you showed up at my house, my father in law said, oh, no, you're a dietitian. Are you here to tell me I can't have my ice cream? And that's a normal funny ha hall, but like also very serious nutrition this joke, and you were able to say, actually, that's not what I do. I would maybe encourage you to even yeah,

eat the scape. You mentioned weight neutral? Can you just define that for people? Yeah, absolutely, that's a good question. So really weight neutral, what that means is like being able to look at someone for more than just like the size of their body, because I think in I keep going back a lot to like how we're trained as dietitians, were taught to really look at weight as like the number one marker of health. But what we know to be true and and what like research shows

us is that that's not true. There's so many things outside of the size of our body that dictate our health status. In in a weight neutral approach, the way I view it as really taking like a holistic approach to someone, So looking at the whole person of like your stress, your emotions, your mental health, your friendships. Um, sure, we look at physical health, we look at are you

eating vegetables? That sort of thing, but really looking at like the whole picture of someone's health instead of just honing in on the size of their body. There's a post you put up on Instagram in the May the actually said, in comparison to all the other things you've lost to your eating disorder, doesn't wait seems so insignificant.

And I look back to when my eating disorder was ruling my life, and yes, my stress level was high, my friendships were poor, my relationships, my capacity to do other things, just everything was second to the eating disorder. I you know, was having a conversation with a friend you know, the other day about just who I was when they first met me. And my eating disorder arrived on the scene when I was a teenager. But then somehow I got a grip of at least the purging part.

For I realized I thought, because I got rid of that, that I got rid of my eating disorder. But I adopted all kinds of other disordered behaviors, like orthorexia and working out NonStop and not enjoying meal time and family and friends. But the BELIEMI A part came back in two thousand and fourteen. So I went over a decade without that, and I thought I was doing pretty good, and I probably was better all things considered. But it came back, and my relationship with certain people just formed

around that time. There's a few people in my life that I met around that time, and the version of me that they met was spiraling, but they didn't know it because I wasn't saying. It took me a minute or a couple of years to admit my eating disorders back, and then to even admit finally I needed to get into some sort of recovery. But those relationships weren't built with a strong foundation because I was so self absorbed. It's a very selfish I don't did we call it

a disease. It's a very okay, so it's disorder. There we go, eating disordered, disordered behavior. I don't know why I was faced on that, but it's a very selfish thing. And I know it's hard to, you know, face that reality that it takes up so much of your brain space, that you don't have a room for much else, and unfortunately it starts to take over and it just spreads like a wildfire within you. And then okay, yeah, now

you have no control. It's very still selfish, but you don't feel like you can even get out even if

you want to. Yes, I love the imagery of a wildfire because I feel like that's exactly how eating disorders can so often start of like it maybe one little spark of like oh I just need to like lose a few pounds, eat a little bit less here, do this, do that, But then it's so easily immerses into this like huge problem, and I think what you said of it being this like selfish kind of self centered thing. One thing I want to add on that too, is like it doesn't mean that you are choosing to be

sick or choosing to have a problem. Like if you're listening and you're like, gosh, I do struggle with any disorder, like I am so focused on myself. There is a way that you can get help, there's a way you can get out of it. And it can also feel like you you are stuck and that you can't get out of it. But yeah, I love I love what you said about friends as well, because I think I don't.

It's easy to think that, like, oh, well, my friends are only going to like me if I'm like this size, or like what what would they think if I tell them I'm struggling with a needing disorder. I'm curious for you and those like with your friends, were you able to like share with them what you're struggling with that they already know eventually. But I think really the problem with me and this is layers deep. It's not just the disorder, it's stuff from it's just lack of connection.

You've got so much going on inside your head you don't have room to really truly connect. And then there's the whole thing like how can you love others if you're not loving yourself? And what's your relationship like with yourself? How are you showing up for you? And then in turn that effects how you show up for others, And you kind of have these At least for me, I can only speak for myself. I had these, you know,

eating disorder goggles on to the world. I was trying to be fine, but I was still viewing everything through my goggles. And I know I wasn't someone that had the thoughts of my friends are only gonna like me if I'm thin. It just affected connection with people, even my own spouse, my children, anybody it's not. And then

also it affected well part of connection. This is like a little piece like if we were to branch off from that, it's you know, enjoying each other meal time, going out to eat something we've discussed multiple times of you know, just missing out. You stay home because you don't want to be faced with the fear of having to eat something that doesn't fit into your box or you'll have no way to you know, go work it off afterwards or get read of it, and so you

just choose to stay home. So I think that's lack of connection right there. And we were built for community and it's a very isolating disorder. And so that's where outweigh comes in and having experts on like you and people sharing their stories and is that glimmer of hope for people that it's okay, you're not just listening right now and we're not yelling at you that you're selfish and there's no it's more like, hey, I was selfish. I can see it, and it took over to where

I wasn't really trying to be selfish. It just was out of my control. But I had to make the choice to take take charge of my own destiny and start doing so. If someone is listening right now and they're like, Okay, well I want to take charge, what's the first step. I love that you said that's I actually posted something. I think it was even like yesterday or maybe two days ago. Why have your Instagram let

to pull it up? Okay, hold on, I think you're probably it's a very less thing, at least that the time of recording this that you posted. And is it the one where you said change will not happen unless you choose it. Yes, Yes, So I tell my clients that all the time because and I think in the caption I wrote like I tell clients all the time like I can't want recovery for you more than you

want it for yourself. I can't want freedom from diets for you more than you want it yourself, and for gosh, all my clients, even just all human beings across the world, like I want everyone to be able to experience freedom with food, freedom and their body, because I think it just brings so much more fullness to your life. But yeah, the first step I think first is that like awareness of Okay, something's not working, there's a problem. I need help with this, And then I think a great place.

Well one, if you're listening to this episode, you've already started at a great place, like listening to podcast episodes all about recovery and eating disorders and food freedom, but even reaching out for support. I think this is something like Amy mentioned, where it's easy to be isolated and kind of stuck in this journey by yourself, and you're

eating disorder loves that it wants to be isolated. So the more you can bring it to the light and bring someone else into your journey, like a therapist, a dietitian preferably both can be huge and there's there's great resources out there. Um gosh, I'm trying to think of the exact names. But even if you just google like eating disorder dietitian near me wherever you happen to live, or a therapist that specializes in eating disorders like our

mutual friend cat Fata. Absolutely, because it's very important, you could easily fall into a therapist that doesn't have eating disorder, training or focus, and they might they just saying that, Yeah, with dietitians, you can find someone that would kind of

come alongside eating disorder and we don't want that. So yeah, and that's a great place, even like opening up to family and friends, which can be so hard and I think could be a whole another podcast episode in its olt, but like inviting someone else into your journey that's in your day to say life, that can keep you accountable to Well, you're going to be back next week, so maybe we talk more into that next Saturday. Dylan is going to be on the next two Saturdays, so including today,

three total. And under this post that you put up about you know, change will not happen unless you choose it, you had someone comment named Natalie, and I like this, so I'm going to read their comment and she said, yes, we are only a choice away from changing our attitude minute to minute, which in turn leads to a better life by small choices adding up. And sometimes we look at the mountain and the climb seems too much, But one choice, one step towards it gets us to the

top eventually. Yes, but I know it takes time. I'm sure you as an expert in's field can just say you have to be incredibly patient with yourself and give yourself so much grace. Yes, because it does. It takes time, and I think it can be daunting, like when you recognize I need help, I'm tired of struggling with these behaviors I'm struggling with, it can feel so daunting of like, Okay, well, how do I go from now to recovery and to

this freedom that you're talking about? But I think exactly like that Comma Amy just read, it's like step by step waking up every morning, like, Okay, what's one thing I can do today to talk back to my eating disorder? What's one thing I can do today to choose recovery? And having that same mindset every day. For me, one of the things was like I had to wake up and for so long I restricted breakfast. So my one thing that I would wake up and do is I

didn't care if I was hungry or not. I went ate breakfast, which is like a huge thing for so many people because I think breakfast is an easy one to skip, yes, because you know, we're told like and some people are able to do that and they don't have. I just know this is this is for outweigh this is for the people with disordered behaviors, because I have some friends that are like, oh no, I mean, I'm doing this for my brain and I'm not. I'm sharper If I that's great, it is, it doesn't they can

still go out and enjoy time with friends. They don't have to go to the gym five times a day. Like. There are people that are able to do it, and that's sometimes where it gets tricky. And maybe we can dive into that next Saturday with the family and friends thing, because sometimes we have family and friends that don't quite get it and they're like, well, but this is what I do. And you just have to really know that just because someone else is doing it's not for you.

That's why people on Instagram posting what they eat in a day is so ridiculous. Don't compare yourself. Yeah, we cannot compare ourselves at all. You have a podcast, right I do. Yeah, So it's called Free Method Podcast and every week it's either myself or I'm interviewing other guests, so other just experts in the area, whether it's therapist, dieticians, or just people. I mean even similar to Amy who like have a history with with an E disorder or

disordered eating. Um. We've also kind of expanded some into I'm a new mom, so lots of conversation around just like motherhood and body image and and really just everything that encapsulates like living life free of diets and eating disorders. Say the name of it one more time in please people want to leave this episode and go listen. So it's called Free Method f R E Method podcast and you can find that wherever you listen to podcast awesome

and then your Instagram handle. I'll give that one more time in case people want to go maybe screenshot. I'm a big screenshotter of encouragement that I see on Instagram some when I screenshot a lot is Mel Robbins. Do you yollow her? She's so great and Cat and I

talk about her all the time. But she's Another tip that she has for starting her day off strong is she has the five second role to get out of bed, so one get up and then we were talking about you know what you do when you wake up earlier. But she loves to high five herself in the mirror, and that might be something you could try that could be step one. It's just get out of bed and go to the mirror and look at yourself and say, high five. You can do this. You can go eat breakfast.

High five. And it might be daunting, but it's just that repetition. It's waking up every day and making that choice, waking up every day and making the next right choice, and you build those new neuropathways and then it starts to become a habit where that becomes more easy to do and you look back of like, oh wow, now I do this like so seamlessly. I eat breakfast and don't even think to us about it. I get out of bed, high five myself in the mirror, and it's

a habit now. Yeah, you have another post that says hi ku about dieting, and I'm laughing because my daughter just wrapped eighth grade and she had this e l a test or something that she's had to ride a

hiku and yours is just um, I think it's seven seven. Yeah, I probably couldn't write a real hiku, but yes, yes it is, and um, yours is just no no no no no, and the next line is no no no no. And so really we just want to leave you with that is if you get a crazy idea in your head to maybe try some new diet, and there's a lot of posers out there. They're trying to say they're

not a diet, but they are diet. Yes, if they say they're not a diet, it they're a diet, right, because there's no diet, there's there's okay, So just say say it with us. No no, no, no, no, no no no. So that's what you have to say to yourself is no, and then go high five yourself for being like yes, yes, no, yes, Okay, well Dylan, thank you so much for joining today, and then yeah, Dylan's

gonna be back the next two Saturdays. We just want to leave you all with hope and encouragement to tackle the rest of your weekend and take care of yourself and find a way where you can connect with someone else today, whatever that looks like. So that way you get out of your own head and start investing into relationships in your life that really matter, because you know,

a relationship with food ends up pretty lonely. And that's who I spent a lot of time with for many years, lots of food alone in my room watching something and you know it's it's only cool for a minute, so there's more to life and um yeah, we wish you the best, See you all next weekend. By but the Pat