Can we please stop with the NO REST DAYS mentality? with Coach Danyele Wilson

we get into our episode with Danielle Wilson. And this episode is really rich in how we can bring emotional strength to physical strength when it comes to training and working out and becoming stronger in our physical bodies. That being said, as we were kind of walking through, it just jogged a memory and me that I'm not sure I've ever really spoken about and I wanted to share

it with you. And that was the time of my life after my very restrictive eating took place that I got very focused on fitness and performance and glute size and how many reps I could do. And it was under this new guys of health and I was doing things like Spartan races, which are these three hour intense things.

And even though I wasn't as focused anymore on eating very little or shrinking my body in the same way, I really can look back and see how my obsessive, not compassionate nature kind of just shifted into something new, something a little bit more palatable for other people. Even you know, people would love to say, Wow, you look so fit, you look so strong, And I thrived off of that for a while before I was able to recognize, Okay, well, can even take a rest day? Why are you scared

to take a rest day? And I pushed myself and pushed myself so Amy and I were just talking a little bit about this. I was sharing that story with her, and Danielle kind of just reminded me of a time in my life when I took what could be a positive relationship to exercise, and because of my history, I really got obsessive about it. Amy, have you ever been there? Or you can't relate to this at all? Oh? No,

I can relate. I did a marathon in college, and I really honestly did it so I could lose weight. I thought, oh my gosh, after I get done training for this marathon, I'm probably gonna be so skinny. Well I wasn't. I ended up using every moment to carbo load like crazy. My body hated me. I reacted in such a way that when I finished the race, I was the puffiest person you have ever seen because my body was not built to run marathons. I just was

not other people. Yeah, maybe for me personally, I got a knee injury early on, I had to do training in the water, but I was determined. Now, I will say mentally it helped me because I did set a goal and I wanted to finish it, and I think that following through with goals is important. However, I did not listen to my body. I pushed through because I kept chasing the dream of being skinnier from running. I

never got that runner's body that I envisioned. And so, yeah, I totally relate to exactly what you just said, Lisa, And I think that it's not that running a marathon is bad, but you got to check yourself. What's your real motivation? Why are you doing it? Does running make you happy? Like is that something that really brings you joy? And maybe it does for some people. There's this high they get and this that's what they want to do. We're not saying that it's bad if you do marathons.

But then I found myself doing the same exact thing. When I was out of college. I got into triathlons mainly because I thought, oh, wow, okay, this will be easier on my knee. I can swim, bike and run and guess what, I'll probably lose weight and let me tell y'all in the marathon, and then later in the triathlons. Because I did multiple I never lost weight, And then it caused this whole mental thing because I was in

it for the wrong reason. And I don't think I would have admitted to you at the time that I was in it to lose weight. I would not have now we're looking back, I can tell you that wholeheartedly. It's why I was doing it. So then I had this horrible relationship with myself because I was so angry at the fact that was putting in all this work and training all the time, and I wasn't getting the results that I wanted. But my body was responding to what I was putting it through, and I wasn't happy

and I wasn't enjoying it. So I just want you. Yeah, when you get into this episode, I think it all It may cause you to reflect when you're working out, why are you doing it? What is the motivation? And is it so that you can like feel good and connect with your body and feel strong mind, body and spirit or do you always have this lingering, oh, it's going to help me lose weight goal? Because that's going

to get you nowhere. And because Amy and I are super transparent with our background and obsessive nature, and if you're a listener, you can probably relate to either amy story or some of mine, or one of the guests that we've had on that a program, like a lot of the things that I see online not I've actually never done Danielle's program, so I can't speak to that one, but a lot of the ones that I see online that were very trendy for a long time, I know

straight up that that's not a good fit for me. Even though they talk about body positivity in some light, I know that that's not for me. And I just want you to listen and make sure that whatever you do, whether it's going to a class or not, or going to the gym or not running a marathon or whatever it is that you check in with yourself and say, am I being obsessive? Or am I doing this for

the right reasons? And I think that there's so much to Daniel's story that I absolutely love, especially you know, her story about how young she was when she started thinking about her body differently, and she brings so much wisdom to how our emotions play a role with our physical strength. And I think just learning how to figure out that balance within ourselves is kind of the job

we all have. Yeah, And I love that Danielle is is a coach and a trainer that wants to to motivate you from the inside and wants you to believe in yourself. So hopefully that's what you take away from today's episode, and then you just reflect on why you're doing whatever it is you're currently doing for your body. What what does your body need? Do checkens daily, checkens with yourself? What does my body need to day? Love that? All right, let's jump in, welcome back to that way.

We've got myself, we've got Amy, and we've got an amazing guest, Danielle Wilson today. And Danielle is an athlete turn trainer on the Tone and sculpt app But what I love about Danielle, what drew me in, is that fitness to you and the way you talk about fitness is a way to boost your confidence and your mental strength rather than being just about the pounds and the inches. So we're so excited to hear your story of how you came to really shift your mindset and make fitness

such a positive place in your personal life and your career. Welcome, Thank you so much for having me. Yeah, I'm excited to jump into it with you. Guys. So you were a gymnast your entire life, right, Yes, I started gymnastics when I was two years old, so I have been you know, tumbling really since I could walk. So yes, And a lot of our audience comes from a background of also being an athlete since they were very young.

Whether they started at too maybe not, but you know, for most of their life they're spending a lot of times training and a result of being an athlete is oftentimes your body doesn't fit the traditional medium mold of what is beautiful. So for you, as a gymnast, did you feel like that was a personal struggle that you went through. Absolutely, I think especially in a sport like gymnastics.

Why and your body, you know, is kind of it's the main thing that you're putting on display during competition. It is something that at a very young age I became concerned about. And you know, I remember with my mom, like tearful conversations with my mom not understanding why God gave me such broad shoulders or why I had, you know, such strong arms. I honestly I used to call them man arms, which you know, looking back, that's just so

sad to even hear my younger self say. But absolutely, you know, looking at magazines and everything and you being the complete opposite of what everything is telling you is beautiful, what is um the gold standard of what you should look like As a young girl. Also, growing up in a predominantly white area, I'm the only little black girl on the gymnastics team. I'm just completely different from everybody

around me. So, you know, especially growing up when all you want to do is fit in and feel beautiful, finding those things and find that beauty and yourself was absolutely something that I struggled with for sure. And being a gymnast, you're in a leotard very early on. That certainly doesn't make it easy. I know, when I was two, three, four, or five, I was not thinking about what my body looked like in a leotard. Do you have really early memories of that already being an issue for you? Yeah,

you know I was. I was always pretty petite, slender, musty, like I hate to say petite, because I wasn't petite. I was definitely like this little brick house of a girl. I was very muscular, broad, and at that time, my body was fighting me. I was always supposed to be tall and five eleven and the best gymnast in the world or four eleven, you know, so my body was fighting me in that sport. My dad was a professional athlete, so I've always kind of had this bigger, you know, broader,

more muscular frame. One thing that I will say possible trigger warning for anyone out there. We did get weight in monthly, so as a little girl, I we would all line up in our leotards and get weight in in front of our entire team. Because I was the

tallest on the team, I was always the heaviest. And while that never really it never took me to the point of, you know, altering my food patterns and eating patterns or things things like that it was something that was prevalent that I, you know, would come home and not understand why I was so much heavier all the time. So yeah, definitely early memories of worrying about my weight. I think that's something that a lot of people can

relate to. Not that they were gymnasts, but because of their sports, they felt they needed to be a certain weight. But I remember watching athlete A on Netflix and feeling so awful, specifically for the gymnasts because of the pressure. Or you think of dancers or ballerinas and like they have to weigh a certain amount according to their teacher or their coach or whomever, and they're willing to sacrifice and do whatever they have to do to make sure

that they're there that goal. And I can't imagine. As a kid I was, I probably put that pressure on myself. I weighed myself all the time, So I don't know what it's like to have a coach or somebody weigh you all the time and tell you like, this is what you need to be. So then, therefore, did you see girls around you that would try to find ways to drop weight quickly? I don't think so. I don't

want to like it wasn't ever really out and exposed. Um, I don't think it was something that no one really talked about, which is honestly even a little bit more just consturbing because I don't know what was going on behind the scenes. I know, for me personally, the only way that I was able to be okay with the weighing in front of the team was the fact that I did have one coach that always told me, you know what, like you are so strong, like you are

so powerful there. You know, there's all these awful sayings like, especially gymnastics when you're younger, you hear these awful things like that people don't go as high when you're tumbling, and just terrible things things that you would never want to say to a little girl. All she wants to do is, you know, be this phenomenal tumbler and go to the Olympics. You know. So for me, I never saw any you know, disordered behavior like out in the light.

But that doesn't mean that you know, it wasn't going on behind the scenes by any means. But for me, I really was able to hold onto the idea of like, yes, like I might be heavy, but I'm powerful and I'm so strong and I that kind of has been ingrained in me through my parents and through one of my coaches that always kind of continuously reminded me of that. Because I was a very small I wish I could

show use some pictures of what I looked like. I was a tiny package, but there was a lot of muscle mass packed in that tiny package, so I just

weighed more. I'm glad you brought up that your parents were a good encouragement for you during that time, because we have a lot of moms that listen to this, and I think that they can hear you say that and then be reminded to make sure if they've got kids that are in a certain sport or doing gymnastics or dance or cheerleading or whatever, that they make sure and have some conversations when their kids get home from practice and like see how they're really feeling and what's

going on inside of them, and make sure that they know that they are strong and they are amazing, because I mean, who knows our kids are just off at school and doing these sports and we don't know how they're being spoken to, and they may not come home and really share it with us. Right. It was one of those things where we just kind of lined up and they would write the number on. They would look at our bodies, move the little scale thing back and forth.

I would I do remember looking at that and always just hoping that I would be able to move it down a little. Do you remember those scales where it kind of like balanced out. I would remember always like wishing that she could tap that little thing a little bit farther down so I could get a little bit lighter and a little bit lighter. So that was is something that I do now that I'm thinking about it. I just got a flashback of that. But that, for

you is a flashback to your childhood. But so many people listening right now that was the reality for them, maybe even this morning, and again again put on themselves. So how do you encourage women and people and clients that you work with to not get fixated on the scale going down that direction? Yeah? I mean that's the reason I don't even have a scale in my house today. I used to, I would say, you know, it was that wasn't just a one and done thing in childhood.

It was all throughout high school, all throughout college, even when I transition to cheerleading. Um that was still you know, you're in a little uniform in front of a crowd. Um. That was always still something that was on my mind, even after even maybe even more so after I stopped playing sports, because you know, I don't have to go to practice anymore. I don't have a coach telling me

exactly what to do in the gym. So I'm even more worried about my weight going up now since I don't have that activity that I used to with my sport. So one of the main things that I try to ingrain in my especially my TONU sculpt athletes. Day one, before you ever start a program with me, you do a benchmark performance test. That test is how I want you to start to shift your brain from solely a mindset of what my body looks like to what my body is able to do and what my body is

able to achieve. So day one we're testing lower body strength, core strength, upper body strength, and endurance. So then one you know your why going throughout the program, right, you understand why you're doing all these workouts, but you know, eight weeks down the line, sixteen weeks down the line, after you finish this program, you have real numbers of performance, real other ways to quantify progress rather than solely just seeing a number drop on a scale. No, we want

to see these numbers increase. We want to see our lower body strength increase, to see our upper body strength increase. Um. So really being able to switch that mindset from what my body solely looks like, what it weighs, what the things are I want to change about it to know,

I'm so grateful that I was one. I was able to get up today and move and to I can't see my body getting stronger and the confidence that that gives you When you can see the numbers going up for your performance, that is when that that light bulb

goes off, like this is it? This is it? I feel like for you, the physical strength and the emotional strength kind of go chicken and egg like is it your physical strength that's bringing you emotional strength or is it your emotional strength that's helping you get physically stronger. But for a time being after you left college, you no longer had your coaches to tell you what to do, and nowhere to show up for trainings all that stuff.

Did you then find that because you didn't have that physical strength on an ongoing basis to check in to find your power house, if you will, the one way you've kind of been taught. How did you find your emotional strength during that time? For a period, I wouldn't have to admit that I was lost. Um, I would have to say after college it was kind of the first three years out of college was a very weird experience. More kind of fell into possibly unhealthier behaviors with alcohol

and things like that. But you know, there was a point, and I strictly remember this. It was after St. Patrick's Day, which is, you know, a heavily inebriated holiday in Chicago. Will say, and you know, I woke up the next morning and I looked in the mirror and I was like, I don't recognize this person, Like who is this person? And that was kind of one of those moments where it was like, Okay, I'm gonna give myself some time to feel this emotion, feel what this feels like, to

not feel like myself. I'm gonna give myself some time to be sick of feeling this way. And the next day, you know, I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna do something about it. So you know, it really came down to a decision of being sick of feeling a certain way about myself and understanding that I'm the only one who has the power to change that for myself and really stepping into my power and making a better decision each day and every day. You know, I'm not saying from there on

out it was perfect, because that's not. That's just not the case. Ebbs and flows with every journey, for sure, But you know, it really was a mindset shift of Okay, how what can I do to get back to feeling like me again? Since the athlete piece was not missing, how can I bring that athlete back? Do you feel like we all have athletes inside of us, because even

if we're really not athletes, Absolutely no, honestly. And I've I've had this conversation with my athletes before because I'll have women that look at my videos sometimes or like that's phenomenal for you, but I can't do that, And I'm like, yes you can, yet you just you telling yourself that is setting yourself up for failure. Yes you can. If you have a body, you have the ability to move it in an athletic manner. Being an athlete is

more of a mindset than anything else. I always like to say, if you're just going in the gym and you're exercising to burn a certain amount of calories and check a box, that's not how an athlete operates. An athlete operates knowing that, Okay, I'm competing against the version of myself I was yesterday. I'm competing against those benchmark numbers that I set for myself day one of my program.

I'm doing this because I want to get better. I'm training these specific movement patterns because I want to be able to move more freely. I want to be able to create longevity. It's more of a mindset committing to getting better every single day, rather than going into the

gym and exercising to check a box. That's the big difference, the difference between training and just exercising and Amy and I know firsthand from our own experience and also just talking to our audience and number registered dietitian working with people. That's sometimes exercise addiction, even if it's not about the calories and shrinking yourself, but maybe it is about the performance and the you know, hitting those benchmark numbers. People

can become just as obsessive about those numbers. Is that something that you've experienced or some of your athletes have, And if so, how do we kind of come back to the emotional strength that we're cultivating when we're at the gym and when we're not. Yeah, I think you know, the longer you're in the game training that way, you know you're it's a law of diminishing returns. So in the first couple of weeks you might improve your strength by but the longer you're doing it, those increases are

going to get smaller and smaller. So for me, someone who's really been really training training for four or five years now, my increases are definitely small. So, yes, there is frustration when I'm not seeing those numbers go up on my squat or my dead lift like I used to. But the main thing I'll always say, because you can turn anything into an obsessive behavior. Anything that's deemed healthy quote unquote can turn into something that is unhealthy with

the wrong mindset. But what I like to remind people of is, you know what, you don't have to do this today. You get to do this today if you have the mindset of leading with gratitude first, it really helps put things in perspective, and it really helps you understand that, Okay, maybe I didn't hit this number that I wanted to hit today. Maybe something isn't going my way today, But you know, I woke up today, I got to walk to the gym on my of my

own free will. I am extremely fortunate. How do you meet people sometimes where they need to be met when it comes to having compassion for themselves if if they're not quite that athlete every day. First of all, I'm loving that now I can call myself an athlete simply because I moved my body. But for me, that might be having a dance party with my kids in the kitchen, Like that's me celebrating and moving my body that day.

It might not be that I make it quite there yet too, dead lift as much as I need to. So how do you encourage people that might be stuck and wrapped around trying to constantly achieve, achieve, achieve. Yeah, I think when in the manner of meeting people where they're at, you have to understand that everybody needs a different style and of movement, and each day is going

to look different for what each person needs. If I was sitting here and telling you that I feel like going into the gym and going hard combine style training every single day, and that's that's just not the case. Some days, you know, I might need a hot yoga flow, or I might need a dance session with my godson. You know that like that can be acceptable forms of movement because at the end of the day, going back to what I said, we're celebrating what our body is

able to do. And if that for you that day is just having that dance party and feeling positive about that, you know that that's a step in the right direction. That's not something that you should, you know, be ashamed of in any way. I always have this tough love approach, and I feel like it comes off kind of tough love, but at the end of the day, it is coming from a loving place. And always you have to give

yourself grace when you need it. Everybody's needs are going to look different, and as long as you're doing your best to meet those needs for yourself, that that is a step in the right direction. And I know you have the do it for you mentality when it comes to fitness. Is that the do it for you mentality? What you just described or does it go a little bit further. That is part of it. I would say, taking that a step further, is that anytime, especially busy moms.

You know, I've seen my mom struggle with this. I have seen, you know, the moms in my life struggle with filling their cup first. You know a lot of times it is what do my kids need? What? Did my husband need? What? And I feel bad even talk about this because I'm not a mom obviously, but you know, for everybody, we all have these things where we feel

like we're being pulled in a million different directions. And it's important to understand that you cannot be that best mom, that best daughter, that best employee, that best boss unless you are first taking the time to fill your cup.

So when I say you have to do this for you, that kind of is explaining the fact that, yes, I want to be that best version of myself, so I need to do what it takes for me to be the best version of myself for myself so that I can then have that cup runneth over for everybody else in my life. I'm a big subscriber to that notion.

And I know I'm not a momm eitherre but Amy is a busy Mohammad a busy everything ing um Amy do you do you find that that to be true, especially as you add more things to your plate, that if you don't start with you, whatever that you is of the day, you have nothing to give either. Absolutely, And I've stopped apologizing for it or feeling guilty, whether it's like making sure I try to get eight hours of sleep or making sure that you know, I have time to go for a walk, catch up with some friends.

Sometimes you just get so go, go go. The sleep has been a big one, speaking of mind, body, spirit, You're not, if used to anybody, if if you're not getting rest. I feel like society has told us oh no, no, no no, you know, you just need to eat right and work out. But there's another component there. We don't even have to do both of those all the time, but what we do need to do all the time

is get rest. And so that's why where I can speak specifically to that, I've stopped feeling guilty about making sure that I'm in my bed at a certain time tim and heck, yeah, I'm going to get a lot of sleep. And I used to feel guilty about that.

I'd be like, oh my gosh, I should be up until eleven midnight working getting extra things done like making I mean no and then waking up extra early to get that workout in meanwhile messing with your hormones and all that exactly, Danielle, I think you could speak to that part a little bit more, especially as an athlete turned coach. I think what a lot of people that perhaps don't go through the rigorous life training that you've been through miss when they turn to fitness is the

importance of rest. Not just rest because you need it for your mental health, but to also meet your physical goals for recovery, to be able to show up with power the next day or the next day or in three days. So what is the importance of rest days And how can we really remember that when we want to kind of just keep pushing a little bit too hard. One thing that I'm always talking to my athletes about is that rest is just as much a part of

the process as those active days. If you are not let allowing your body to recover after you've broken down those muscles, if you're not allowing those muscles to rebuild and replenish, you're actually doing more harm than good, Like overtraining is a real thing. And there's one mindset that I can't stand. Every time I see it, it's like a buzzword in it. It just makes me mad. Every time I see no days off, I'm like, absolutely, we

need days off. Like, don't tell people that this is a rest day for me today, because I know that people are, especially if they're signing up for a training program, they're they're all going all in on something. They're gonna probably try to go seven days a week or they're gonna try to go six days a week. So what I do is to try to make them combat that is I'll program a mobility day, I'll program a rest day.

I'll program something that is going to make them take the speed down and that's gonna make them, you know, just do something but is going to like feel good and it's not gonna be as intense. I definitely think that, you know, high intensity interval training is another like buzzword these days, but you should not be doing high intensity interval training every single day. Um. That is not a good way to upkeep your muscles. That doesn't sustain activity

for a lifestyle. UM. So you absolutely have to have those days to rest. Um. If you're not sleeping while your muscles aren't recovering, You're gonna have brain fog that is just gonna Your mood is gonna be off. You're not gonna get the same endorphments that you would from a well rested workout. Um, it's just gonna throw and you're just again, you're not gonna be your best self

for any other aspect of your life. So absolutely, I love hearing you say I don't feel guilty about that, because that's something I have to remind myself of to social media. You know, it's twenty four set in, so I'm I've really been trying my best to turn my phone off or turn turn off my brain really about an hour before bed, just so I can actually get that well rested sleep so I can wake up and show up to be my best the next day. You're definitely right. I'm a big fan of time blocking, not

being on your phone for social media. I'm even right now on a very long Instagram break. I think it's been like five weeks or so, but it's it has allowed me to rest in a different type of way and check in with my body's needs without any sort of Obviously, there's noise all the time, but without that infiltrated noise of the wellness industry which can sometimes be loud.

But there was one word that you said that I just want to pick up on before we wrap up, which is you said for a lifestyle, And I think we can go a little bit further to say that this is about moving your body so that you can move it for a lifetime. And when we outrun our bodies, our bodies outrun us. It's not just about your muscles. It's about your joints and all these different things that

allow us to keep going. And I think too often I won't say the name of the program, but my brother used to do this fitness program that was ninety days straight and while he was on day you know, thirty sixty, it was all about I'm so strong, I'm so whatever. And then day ninety, you know, it was over and it was three more months or maybe six months, or maybe even a year till he did it again.

There's something about slow, steady, making it a sustainable thing that feels good for you that can kind of get lost when you jump into the fitness shuffle and don't prioritize rest. Right, Yeah, I think any program that you start their need. If you look and you don't see your rest day in there, if you look and you don't see a recovery day or something like that, I would say that they are being irresponsible with your body.

And that is something you know, you kind of need to be your own captain in that sense and say, Okay, now that I know that rest is this important, I'm going to make that a priority. It's really about making that a priority so you can stay in the game for a lifetime. That's that's the beauty of functional strength training. You know, step ups, things like that. We're training movement patterns. We're keeping you walking up the stairs easier. We're keeping

you playing with your kids longer. Um, we're keeping you playing with your grandkids, chasing your grandkids around like. That's what we're training for. We don't want to burn out in our twenties and our thirties. Um, I want you in your seventies ready to go. I love that. Yeah, me too. Thank you so much for sharing your strength with us, your mental, emotional and physical strength with us, and for you know, giving me a new title to

add to my Instagram bio. Both of us athlete literally absolutely to our athletes, thank you so much for having on. This was so fun. Thanks Daniel for being here. We'll put Daniel's in formation in our show notes below, and we'll see you see them. Bye bye m HM