Are You Using Food & Exercise As A Weapon? (Outweigh)

did you and die? Out Way? Happy Saturday, Outweigh. I'm Leanne Ellington and I'm a friend of Amy's and the author and creator of Stressless Eating, and I am back again as the resident guest host for a few episodes of Outway, which we started doing a few weeks ago. It's been super fun, so if you miss those, definitely go back and check those out. And we are going to just keep on trucking along with this week's episode of Outweigh, which is all about this idea of are

you using food and exercise as a weapon. So just for some context, I've been on diets and weight loss program since I was in third grade, so you know, if losing weight were an Olympic sport, I would have taken home the gold medal by the time I was ten. But in reality, all that happened to me was I simply got really good at out smarting whatever plan or program I was on. And I got really good at fake it till you make it and motivational pump me ups. And I got really good at tricking the scale and

tricking my stomach and tricking my mind. And I got really good at living life hungry, you know, hungry and tired and miserable and restricted. And so yeah, I mastered those things, or at least I thought I did, but there was a major cost. Essentially, I got really good at out smarting and deceiving myself. But it didn't just stop there. There was another really big fact that came about as a result, because in order to maintain my results or feel can I put this in air quotes,

you know, feel in control of my body. But obviously I wasn't in control. I had to continue to outsmart myself every single day in order to feel like I was in control. And that well, that just flat out exhausted me, to be honest, not to mention, it consumed my life, and it consumed all of my inner thoughts. And you know, if a friend called me to have dinner, my first thoughts would be something like, ah, are they going to have a salad there that would fill me up?

Or just freaking out thinking what am I going to eat? And then another one of my inner voices would chime in and say, well, if I'm really you know, air quotes good all week and do extra cardio sessions at the gym, then I can quote unquote earn my cheat

meal and feel really good about it. And so, looking back at the unten times that this happened, or the bazillion different types of situations like this that occurred in my life on a daily basis, now I can see clear as day that I was missing out on my life. You know, instead of getting excited about connecting with people I love, I was stressed about what to eat or

how my body appeared when I was with them. Or instead of engaging and focusing in on the conversations or connections at hand, I was focusing in on what I should eat or shouldn't eat and if anyone would judge me if I got dessert, And instead of actually sitting down and gifting myself the experience of a delicious meal cooke to my liking in a fun environment with beautiful people. I was feeling guilty or anxious or psychoanalytical about food

and my body. So yeah, I had motivation and discipline and willpower and check in short term spurts, And yeah, I was able to lose weight on demand or drop a gene size in record time, or whatever you know words I was using at the time. But you know what else I had. I had a very toxic relationship with my body and a very toxic relationship with my food as a result. And to be honest, that toxicity had very little to do with what I was eating

or how much I weighed. It had everything to do with my relationship with food and my relationship with my body and my whole life. I was so concerned with being skinny or fit or whatever words I was using, I never realized how much it was costing me and my mental emotional health, not to mention costing me my freedom because food was the boss of me, or I was just a slave to some brutal workout routine to

ensure that I didn't go gain anything back. And so twenty four hours a day, three hundred and sixty five days a year, the life and body I was working so hard to create was actually at the mercy of this prison and at the mercy of exercise, and so yeah, what to eat and how to stick with it weren't the real problem in the end. I mean, I told you I the motivation and discipline game backwards and forwards.

The real struggle was the simple truth that if I wanted to win those air quotes games every single day, it involved massive amounts of energy and grit and blood,

sweat and tears to maintain it. Because no matter how motivated or disciplined I got myself to be on a day to day basis, food and exercise still ruled my every move, And no matter what size I wore or how much weight I lost, I still had what I now refer to as a fat head and a fat self image sitting on top of my body, carrying around the weight of the weight that I've mentioned on pretty

much every outweigh episode I've been on. And what I realize is that it doesn't matter how much you weigh or what size you wear, if you have what I call a fat head or a fat self image sitting on top of your body, you will always be carrying around that weight of the weight too, And most women think they have a weight problem, or a food problem, or a laziness problem. But I don't believe any of those things are the problem. And yes, women are walking

around with a weight problem. But it's the weight of the weight that I keep mentioning that's weighing us down. And it's the weight of shame and blame and guilt and comparison itis that usually comes alongside, you know, typical weight loft methods AKA you know, your inner critic, your inner naysayer. There's the weight of the plans and programs that cause you to restrict yourself and punish yourself or persuade yourself to do the things you don't really want

to do. And then there's the weight of waiting for the weight to live the life that you want to live, and to wear what you want to wear, and do what you want to do, and have the life that you want to have and really just be who you want to be. And that is the weight that is truly weighing you down and keeping you on this roller coaster of a ride with your body, because that's what inevitably comes along for the ride when you're using food and exercise as a weapon that works against you rather

than a helpful tool that works for you. So how can you tell? How can we tell if we're using food and exercise as a tool or as a weapon. I should say, is a tool to get ourselves healthy. And again you can't see me, but I'm putting healthy in air quotes because that's kind of part of the problem, is our version of healthy has gotten skewed. But you know what I'm saying, are you using it to get you healthy or are you using it as a weapon,

a weapon of punishment, control, restriction, or shame. And so there's four different you know, kind of signs and symptoms that I talk about with my clients, and I'm going to just share all of them with you here today. So let's dive in now real quick. I want to just revisit this distinction between using something as a tool versus using it as a weapon. And I mentioned this on the is social Media Helping or Harming your relationship

with your Self Esteem? Episode? But it definitely bears repeating. So the difference between using something as a tool and using it as a weapon. So a very obvious example would be when I had spine surgery and I was in a lot of pain. Afterwards, they prescribed me opiates as a tool to help me deal with my pain, and using them responsibly, I could use them as a tool for what they were designed for, to help me

manage my pain. Right, But to the tens of thousands of people that die from opioid overdoses every single year, that same drug, that same substance is no longer a helpful tool. But instead now it's become a weapon of abuse and destruction and addiction. And yeah, even though technically it's the same substance, in one case, it's a helpful tool and in one case it's a destructive weapon. And yes, that's a very extreme example, but I really just want you to get the concept here. And so sugar is

another example. It can absolutely be a tool for pleasure and creativity and baking in the kitchen or you know, connecting with family or friends over a treat, and a tool to help regulate insulin and blood sugar for a diabetic Now. I know sugar has been kind of villainized in today's society, and that's not the point of today's episode.

But sugar as it's designed, it's not this bad or evil thing, right, but too much of it, or using it mindlessly, or using it to fill a void of sadness, loneliness, comfort, stress, you name it, or any way of abusing it where it does harm your health or your lifestyle. That same sugar that seems substance, used in a different way can become a weapon that harms us in the long run. Now back to food in your body. So how can you tell if you're using food and exercise as a

tool or if they've become a weapon. Well, let's talk about that. So, like I said, there's four different signs and symptoms that I talk about with my clients, and I'm going to lay them all out for you here right now, starting with the first one. So, the first symptom is you're using food as a weapon of mass control.

And so if you've been living in that diet mentality or disordered eating pattern for a while and your air quotes diet brain is the one calling the shots, it's only natural that it might start to feel like food controls you more than you control it. And this is when food has the tendency to become a means for you to control yourself, compare yourself, or judge yourself, So examples of this might look like just always thinking about or counting or measuring or weighing your food, or constantly

restricting yourself or starving yourself or punishing yourself. Maybe you're always just you know, cutting calories or using food as a comfort or an escape, or maybe it's become a weapon of feeling guilty after you eat, or feeling a shame because of what or how much you eat, or just feeling cranky or depleted or hungry or sad because of food. Right, but it doesn't just stop there. For a lot of people, somewhere along the way, food became personal.

And this is exactly what happened to me. So that's why I know about it. But instead of it simply remaining this inanimate object like a plant or a thumbtack, it became a means of judgment and control and comparison. So what's the solution. And again, as we've said before on this podcast, it's simple, not easy, right, but the solution is to make peace with food and instead of using it as a weapon, to use it as a

tool of influence. But also notice what I did not say, Okay, I did not say that the solution was to go control food some more, or get better at controlling food or dieting more, or get better at dieting, or go on yet another attempt to lose weight. Okay, that's not what I said. The solution I'm talking about here is making peace with food and changing your relationship with food while you move towards health. Okay, And here's what I mean. There's a lot of voices out there labeling certain foods

as good or bad, right or wrong. But I believe that it's these blanket statements that add shame and judgment to a topic that doesn't require anyone else's opinions or feedback or labels. And yeah, food is personal, right when it comes to your desires, your preferences, and what tickles your fancy, But it doesn't have to be used as a weapon or a source of judgment. And to boot, it's no one's business but your own. We do enough of it on our own, but having it come from

third parties as a whole nother level. Because what you eat and how much you eat and the way you eat is personal and it's a personal choice. And food is a resource, a tool, and a form of energy, and it's no one's business but your own, and the judgment that comes alongside food and what you eat, it's completely optional, and when it's there, it takes away the pleasure and the connection and the power that food has

to create. And when I say power, I mean yeah, it's a powerful tool of healing and connection and pleasure in all of those things. But again with the judgment, it takes away the power of it and the influence of it and makes it a weapon. But if you start to call the truce with food, and if nothing more, just stop making it out to be the enemy or the bad guy. And if little by little you remove the disconnect that you have with food and create some new connections in your brain, one day you and food

really can become friends. And then, and really only then, will you be able to use food as the powerful tool that it truly is. And like I said, it's a tool for pleasure and nourishment and connection and healing. But in the meantime, if that feels like too far of a stretch, I just invite you to let it be neutral. Let it just be food. Symptom number two is that you're using your body as a weapon of mass control. So again, when your default brain is the

one in charge. You might feel like your body controls you more than you control it, as in you feel like a prisoner in your own body, or a prisoner to your weight or your size. And this is when you might have the tendency to use your body to control yourself or compare yourself, or judge yourself, or just compare and control and judge your body. And so examples of this are how this might show up when used

as a weapon. Is you know, examples like punishing your body with grueling workouts, or obsessing over the scale, or just you know, simply letting the scale dictate your self worth. You know, using comparison as a weapon. So whether it's the clothes you want to wear, your body type, the number of pushups you can do, anything comparing yourself to somebody else is going to be using comparison as a weapon. So allowing your body to create a disconnect in your

relationships or block intimacy. I hear this happened with my clients all the time. This was a big thing for me. Using the mirror as a weapon to compare or reject yourself,

that's a big one. Using pictures or photos as a weapon to compare or reject yourself, and that's picture of your self, pictures of others, using social media or the media in general as a weapon to compare or reject yourself, and using your body as an excuse not to do the things that you want to do, or using your body as an excuse to why you aren't happy, fulfilled, successful, fill in the blank. Okay, so that is how you know that. And again there's no shame to this, but

we're all about awareness. Here is just okay, now I can see that these patterns they're not normal, or they don't have to be my normal, right, and let me rephrase that. Actually, now that I just said that, it's not that they're not normal, they're natural and normal. Given the programming that we've all gotten, I had it too, But what I met was it doesn't have to be your version of normal. It doesn't have to stay your

default any longer. And so the solution, like what's the alternative, Well, the solution is to make peace with your body and start to use it as a tool of influence. And again, notice what I did not say. I did not say that the solution was to go lose weight or whip your body into shape or try to air quotes perfect yourself. Right. So it's one of those things where, you know, making peace with your body. A lot of people think like, oh, I have to lose weight in order to make peace

with it. And that's where I'm inviting you to kind of think about this backwards, like what if you made peace first? And that was actually the gateway too. If you want to change it, go for it, right, But the solution is to make peace with your body while

you change it if you want to change it. And I know that wanting to change your body is considered bad or wrong in a lot of the health world or the body positivity communities, and for again reasons be on the scope of today, I don't agree with that, and Amy and I are actually going to be talking about that specifically in another episode of Outweigh coming up soon. But back to what I was saying, your body and your brain they are miraculous. They are miraculous pieces of machinery.

And sure they're also extremely complex, don't get me wrong. But if you start tuning into your body, like what do I need? What do I want? The requirements, the desirements, which is a word I just made up, you're going to find that a lot of that mystery starts to go away. And the reason I say that is because unfortunately, most women are totally ignoring their bodies or spending their time shaming it, calling it names, blaming it, comparing it.

And that's why they don't. You know, if you ask a lot of women what does your body need or what do you want? They don't know because they're so disconnected. Right. But when you lay down the weapons of control and comparison and judgment, it leaves you the space to go meet your body again and use this miraculous body and nervous system of yours, your body, your breath, movement to go set your body free. And yes, I said use movement as a tool towards freedom in your body, not

using exercise as a way to punish your body. And that means, you know, things like changing your relationship with exercise, because most of us learned I know that I did that exercise was this harder, faster, more, no pain, no gain, mentality and finding something that you love that feels safe to you and where there isn't any judgment placed upon you. That's what I mean by changing your relationship with exercise or movement so that you can go find something like that.

Other examples, it means, you know things like using the mirror is just a mirror, not as a means to reflect on the parts of your body that you don't approve of, and beginning to get to know yourself naked, which again most women totally avoid. So it means changing

your relationship with the mirror. It means things like changing your relationship with the scale, because if you're going to weigh and measure yourself, and again this isn't a black and white like you shouldn't measure yourself or your way or you should or shouldn't. It's not black and white. It's different for everyone. But it's crucial that your self esteem is not at the disposal of that number, and so you might find that you have to change your

beliefs about what those numbers do and don't represent. And again that's something that will never happen them through a diet. Other examples of using it as a tool, It means using pain as a tool and an indicator that your body might need some rest or rejuvenation, or maybe that you have some muscular imbalances that need to be taken care of, or that your breathing or movement patterns need to be addressed, or that your nervous system needs some love.

Like pain is really a signal from the brain telling like giving you alert but a lot of us use it as a weapon to shame ourselves. I know for me, pain was a big source of shame for me and made up stories that my body was broken, all those things. You get the picture. So it might mean having to change your relationship with pain if you are one of

those people that are in pain. And I get it, all these things that I'm talking about right now, the weight loss industry, the health industry, is not really talking about this. They're throwing more and more diet and exercise plans at you. So if nothing more, I just invite you to stop looking at your body as a burden or a curse or your downfall. Right, there's people all over the world with circumstances far more life altering than

backfat or muffin top right. And I mean this with so much love, and this is not a judgment, but I do invite you to just give yourself a bit of a reality check when you forget those things, because we all need a reality check once in a while myself included. Trust me, everything I share is stuff that I need to hear as well. Bottom line, your body and you are a tag team for the rest of

your life, whether you like it or not. So my invitation to you is, like, what if the solution was to just wave the white flag and begin to make peace with your body? Right and if nothing more, start playing on the same side and the same team as your body and not finding against it, And then you can start identifying and eliminating all the disconnects that you have with your body and create some new connections, ones

that actually serve you and your happiness. Symptom number three is you are walking around feeling weighed down by whatever plan or program or structure you are or, let's be honest, aren't following. So if your game plan is sucking the life out of you and bogging you down, chances are you're not gonna stick with it long term, and it's gonna end up being another short term band aid and you'll end up putting it in the category of great.

Here's another thing I tried that didn't work for me, And we talked about all a lot of this in the episode around losing that trust in yourself and how to earn your trust back. But examples of this of being weighed down or bogged down by whatever plan or program you're following. So this might include, you know, not enjoying your food or fitness plan, but committing to it anyways, you know, feeling like crap all the time, right, like having no energy, feeling grumpy or hungry all the time,

feeling ashamed of what you're doing to get there. Maybe you know, worried that it's not safe for your body or that you're setting a bad example to those around you, and kind of having that voice in the back of your mind. You know. Maybe it involves just being frustrated with yourself for what you are or aren't doing, or where you're not complying. Maybe it's just constantly needing a new fix of motivation or accountability because your plan is too hard to stick too long term and you're reliant

on that external point force to keep it going. Maybe for you, it just shows up is feeling tired or sore or achy, or or maybe even injured. I know, for me, back in the day, I used to beat my body to submission and cause injury because I was so focused on losing weight and I was experiencing, you know, symptoms of overtraining, but ignoring it and keeping going. So

that's one sign. Right. Maybe you're just feeling overloaded by information, or you're overwhelmed and confused, or like things are more complex than you want them to be, or then you really know that they should be because it doesn't have to be so complex, Or maybe it shows up for you as you're just adding even more to an overpacked,

overstressed life. And we all know that the solution to overwhelm is not to add more, right, So what is the solution again, It's about ditching the weight of the weight. It's ditching the weight of the journey that's making you hate who you have to be or what you have to do to get there. And then it's about finding out what would work for you. It's about experimentation and experimenting to find out what works for you. Because no one can tell you that or give that to you

or feed it to you. You've got to discover it. Right. They can give you the structure and the frameworks, but in terms of the specifics, like you've got to go uncover it and discover it. And chances are that if you're not enjoying what you're doing or how you're feeling, it's probably not the right roadmap for you. You need your own roadmap too, not some cookie cutter, one size

fits all. And the solution is really to eliminate the disconnect that your planner program is creating and find ways to create connection instead, you know, connection to yourself, connection to your body, connection to food, and so. In other words, it's it could be a SA is finding something that you enjoy and something that you wouldn't have to convince or persuade or coerce yourself to stick with because you

really don't like it. And I think a lot of people think that change in transformation has to be miserable or that you're not supposed to enjoy the journey. I think a lot of people think that change and transformation has to be miserable or that you're not supposed to enjoy the journey. And I couldn't disagree more. I mean, if there's hard work that has to be put in right,

but you can work smarter, not harder. But that to be said, if you're not esteemed, broccoli and pushups kind of gal, then don't commit yourself to eternal broccoli dinners and becoming a world record push up er, which I think is another word I just made up, but you get my point. On the flip side, if you love brownies and lazy days on the couch once in a while, it's important that you create a journey that enables you to include those once in a while while getting to

your goals. And that might sound so counterintuitive to what you learned about health and weight loss, but trust me, it's how I approach it, and how it's It's how all of my clients approach it too, because it doesn't have to be this either or conversation. You know, a lot of people think it's okay, I have to choose happiness or health, weight loss or enjoying my life, and I say, like, choose both. Have an and conversation rather

than an either or conversation. And again, that's why a cookie cutter, one size fits all plan is not going to help you figure out what works for you. And I invite you to take an experimentation mindset and test out a combination of modalities so that you can figure out what you enjoy and what can make you a better version of yourself in the meantime, and not only what do you enjoy in life, but also like what what do you want to stick with and what would

make you stick with it? Right? And you will never stick with it if you're weighed down by the weight of plans and programs that aren't sustainable, enjoyable, or doable. It really is that simple. And symptom number four that food or exercise or your body has become a weapon is you're waiting for the weight to go live your

life the way you really want to. So thinking things like you know, when I lose the weight, then I'll wear that or commit to that, or feel that way or feel successful, happy, love to fill in the blank again, that's just a sign that your current self image is doing the talking. And please don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm not saying not to want more for your future

by all means, you know aim high. But if future thinking is causing you to miss out on your life right now, there's a good chance you're waiting for the weight to live your best life. And so examples of this might include just not being present or holding yourself back in areas of your life that you truly want to be moving forward. And so maybe it's your love life,

your career, hobby's family, whatever it is. Because you're waiting till you are air quotes, thinner or have it all together, maybe it looks like you just don't know yourself and like yourself in trust yourself. And so you know, we've talked about this on past episodes too, but if you don't know yourself, or if you're disconnected from yourself, it's harder to create change in yourself and to connect to others. And if you don't like yourself, you're skipping a big part.

It's one thing to love yourself, and I've found honestly, you know, a lot of the people that I work with, they do actually love themselves, but liking themselves that's a whole separate thing. And a lot of women straight up don't like themselves and they don't like to even be around themselves. And if you don't like yourself, that is something that you might want to take a look at as well. Again, no shame about it, but it's something

to look at. And if you don't trust yourself and you don't believe yourself that you'll follow through on the promises you make to yourself, and you're going to have a really hard time creating that future that you desperately desire if you don't trust yourself. And so the solution is to stop waiting for the wait and to just go do all you can do right now, to start influencing yourself and influencing your body and influencing your life right now. Because what do they say everywhere you go

there you'll be right. And so go live life as that person right now while you go work towards your goals. I mean, just think about it. What would you be doing differently and who would you start being if you started living life right now as the person you'll think you'll be when you achieve the body that you desire. So how would she walk, how would she talk? How

would she act? How would she feel? Right now? And so that's where I invite you, like, get to know yourself and learn to like yourself and learn to trust yourself again, and then that journey towards self acceptance and self love and body love will be a heck of a lot easier because your life is happening right now, whether whether you choose to accept it or not. Right, it's happening right now. And so if you spend all of your time living and worrying and projecting into the future,

you're gonna miss out on your life. So I'm just inviting you not to wait for the weight to start living your life as your most beautiful, powerful and confident self, because I promise you you don't have to. And so the bottom line is, your life and your body are comprised of so much more than what you eat and what you weigh and how many you know squats you can do, and in fact, all of these measurements they can be used against you as a weapon if you're

not aware. And that's why we're even having this conversation today. And again you're allowed to want more for yourself, and I go, I say, you know, go make those changes and set those goals and take your life to the next level. But don't turn into your own internal supercritic just to get there. And know when you're using food in your body or the experience itself as a weapon against yourself rather than a tool of freedom. Okay, that's

really what I wanted you to get. And so hopefully today's episode of Outweigh gave you the insight that you needed to figure out what that looks like for you, and just whatever you do, don't give up on your freedom. I used to think that I had to live in that diet prison, you know, filled with all of that control and shame and stress. But I promise there is a better way. You know, you don't have to give

up on carving out your own freedom. And don't believe the lie that this is who you are forever and this is how you have to live, because you were meant for so much more. Okay, And if you liked what you heard today and want to hear more about just rewiring your brain your self image, head on over to Stressless Eating. I've laid out my entire five step game plan. It's the exact system my clients used to

heal their all or nothing diet mentality for good. But of course, you know, no restricting, no using food and body as a weapon, learning how to really use it as a tool of influence. So I've laid it all out for you five easy steps over at Stresslessheeding dot com. And if you like today's episode, you'll be happy because Amy will be back next week for some more outweigh and I just happen to know that there is some

amazing stuff plan coming up. So until we meet again, I'm Leanne Ellington signing up out