The Fourth Trimester

my birth story. So that is available on Outspoken plus if anyone's interested, But I thought it would be good to actually talk about what the last twelve weeks have been like because you hear all these podcasts talking about pregnancy and the lead up to it, but the fourth trimester often gets overlooked, and I think that there are so many parents currently at home who have just given birth or they're in the trenches at the moment, and

they want to know that it gets better. I know you are still very much in the trenches, but from seeing your experience, I think that once you reach the three month mark, you feel like you're almost in a better routine or you're more used to this new life. Well, I don't want to speak too soon, because, as you said, it's only twelve weeks and a lot of people talk about this four month's sleep progression that is coming up.

But I do feel like I'm in a good routine at the moment, and I think for other parents, it's nice to listen to a podcast where someone is going through the same thing as them at the moment, because I mean, I'm not a mother yet, but I know that it can be very isolating. You found it somewhat isolating, Yeah, definitely, because in our close friendship group, I'm the only one that has a baby. You guys are all dinks at

the moment, so it is hard to relate. And I think you only know what it's really like when you become a mum, and I think our friendship group has made an effort to try and include you. But at the same time, it's hard for you because you've got this very strict feeding schedule, so it's hard to make you know, random catch ups that you usually could drop

everything for happen. Yeah, exactly. Now, we did put up a question box on our Instagram account, and you have been flooded with questions, so we've picked the best ones. Let's kick it off with how are you handling the

unsolicited advice? It's unrelenting as a parent. Yeah, I was worried about this, and it's part of the reason why I haven't been sharing too much on social media about the last twelve weeks, because I think it's quite a private time at the moment, trying to navigate motherhood and you don't really need people on Instagram telling you that you're doing things wrong. And I know for you and Reese,

you're currently navigating what you feel comfortable sharing online. And for you, you decided to start up a close friends list because you want to share all the cute photos and videos of Jack, but you don't necessarily feel comfortable putting that out there to the general public to then

analyze what you're doing or, as you say, provide unsolicited advice. Yeah, it also from a privacy perspective because I'd like to share Jack with my close friends and family, but again, those pictures and videos, they don't need to be seen by everyone, and to be honest, everyone's probably not that interested. It is a safety thing too. I'm happy to provide updates here and there about Jack, but yeah, it just

didn't sit right with me putting it up. And I mean not that I have that many followers, but you know there's people that follow the page. I don't know, so it's really made me reflect on what I will do when I have a child, hopefully one day. You guys have been pretty strict on it. I feel like I might be a bit freer with it, but again, I don't have a child right now. Yeah. Well, your motherly instincts kick in because Sovie's always like, oh, I got this really cute video of Jack, can I share?

And maybe in time I'll be a little bit more lax about it, but at the moment, I'm like, well, can't we just enjoy him ourselves? Yeah? Well, because you have been pretty careful about what you've put up, do you think that you have received a lot of unsolicited advice or have you been kind of okay, well, not from people on social media, but you know, amongst friends and family, you're always going to get some advice. I mean, my mum has been super helpful at the moment, and

so has all my other family. But for me, I'm so happy to take on my mum's advice. She brought up triplets, but she has been very careful of how she gives advice. It can be tricky though, because we're following this quite strict sleep routine at the moment, and when people have opinions on sleep routines as well. Yeah,

with newborns exactly. So I'm probably going to get a whole bunch of unsolicited advice after this podcast episode drops, but also just explaining it to family members, like, oh, this is how we're burping, and this is how we're doing this and that, and it's just funny because it's different to what they would have done. Well, burping has changed so much because I know when we were born, I'd see these photos of our parents just throwing us over their shoulder with a lombit cloth and we'd be

always vomiting. Yeah, but with Jack because I think we'll go into this further in the episode, but you are doing the doctor Gollie sleep routine and it involves lying him down and then you've got him up and down like it's a full routine. Yeah, it is a full routine. I never knew that burping would take so long, but it does seem to be working very well with this sleep Yeah. I just want to point out before we get too deep into this episode that these are just

the things that work for you. This won't necessarily work for everyone, and everyone has their own way of bringing up their child. Yes, just a disclaimer that we are not experts in this field. But I'm just talking about what I have been doing and what's been working for me. So the next question is what has been the most challenging thing about mum life so far? Now, for me, I think it's it's been living life in four hour blocks. So we were advised by our midwives to feed Jack

every four hours. Some people are every two, some people are every three, but four hours has work for us. Some people cluster feed, yes, exactly. So it's weird to kind of look at your life in these four hour blocks and the lack of control that you have. So before, I was the center of my universe. If I wanted to stay up late, I could, if I wanted to, you know, cook my dinner late. But I have to really work within this tight time schedule. So that is

really tricky to get your head around. And I didn't realize that when you start feeding, it doesn't matter how long the feed takes, the next feed is due within that block of time. So it just was really hard to get my head around that. Getting out of the house is very differ but at the moment, and it's not so much because of Jack. Like I've said to my mum, it's not him, it's the dogs. I've got two Golden Retrievers and they make it very difficult. They're

very attached to me at the moment. There's a bit of separation anxiety going on. It's funny to say that because we took Jack for his first dinner out with the Goals on a Saturday night a couple of weeks ago, and I had to come over to your house and it was like a military operation because we had to distract the dog. So you had pre made these huge kongs that we quickly threw in the hallway. We then escaped through a back door went into the garage. It

is really difficult with your dogs. Yeah. Well someone did ask how are my Golden's going? Because they're having a bit of trouble with their Golden Retriever. And it's funny because Sonny is the one that we were worried about. So she's a three year old that she now well she turns three in a couple of weeks and she's the one that just destroyed our couch. She eats everything, and Shadow is a lot more docile. He loves to bark those so he might hear him in the background.

But with what Shadow would be like the one that loved Jack, but it's sunny. She was so excited. She always just trying to lick his head. Shadow just couldn't care less. He's in a bit of a humph about it. But it's very sweet because Shadow will always come into the nursery when we're feeding and just sit with us. I wonder if it's because Shadow is older and he's

more used to his ways. Yeah, well he is turning seven in December, so and he's used to you know, he's had his sister come in and turn his life upside down. So I think he's just like, oh, not another thing. But they are very sweet with him. But as I said, they literally go nuts and I try and leave the house. We've already got toddlergates because of them in the house, which makes it a bit easier. Well, it kind of makes it harder because I've got to

get them behind the toddlergates. Anyway, it's a bit of an ordeal. We had a couple of listeners asking about baby Blues, so one listener said, please shine a light on baby blues, it's not discussed nearly enough. Did you get the baby blues around day three five? Hormones a wild I feel very fortunate to say that I have not yet experienced baby blues, but I do agree it is really important to talk about, and I did hear a lot of people talk about them on pregnancy podcast.

So I was really nervous because I'm someone that's quite health anxious anyway, I know they're quite separate things. So I've definitely had high and anxiety around Jack's safety. And when I used to do night feeds, I would get so nervous that he'd cough and choke, and you know, it's horrible when you're the only one their So I've definitely had increased anxiety, but I haven't had that depression

or baby blues fortunately yet. I know, in particular, our mum was very wary that you might be feeling low on day three and five, and that was when you were back at home because you did only spend I think two days in hospital despite having a cesarean. But you, yeah, you were very lucky and fortunate not to experience it. I was waiting for it on day three and five because that's when your milk comes in. But I wonder if it's because I had a cesarean and I was

on very strong painkiller. It could be why Actually, yeah, someone said, does it get better after the first six weeks. I'm three weeks postpartum and struggling. The first three weeks I think are the hardest because you're just getting used to this being your new normal. I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling at the moment. From my personal perspective, and of course all babies are different, but I found that after the six week mark it did

get a lot easier. I mean, we've only been going here for twelve weeks, so we'll see how that all goes. But at that point I started to implement a bit more of a routine, and that really helped me, just from a mental perspective, to know, Okay, well, this is what the next couple of hours looks like, and things are going to pop up that are out of your control. But just having that routine to stick with really helped. I think it's good for parents to know that there

is some light at the end of the tunnel. Now, what about expectation versus reality? I came into motherhood with very low expectations, so I always knew that I wanted to have children, but the decision to actually have a baby was a tough one for me because at the time, I was thirty four and very selfish and said in my ways and as you touched on, we're very social people. We usually go out to dinner a couple of times a week with friends, and all of that I knew

would have to stop. And it is hard to stop those things that you enjoy, but it's definitely worth it. I I know everyone talks about the love that you feel for your baby, and it is hard to put into words those feelings because again, you don't know what it's like until you actually experience at firstthand and I remember saying to my friends, I'm not going to be one of these people that stick to some ridiculous routine,

but that literally is me, So it's your life. At the moment, I was like, Oh, the baby's going to have to fit in with my life. I'll be able to bring him out, and I have brought him out to dinner once, but now I'm like, I need to be a home I just want to make sure he gets enough sleep, because when your sleep is threatened, you will do anything to make sure that your baby sleep well. But I think you've found different ways to catch up

with friends. Yeah, I think, because I mean one thing that we've been doing a bit is will come over to your house and we'll all take him for a nice riverwalk. Or there's other occasions where we'll just bring takeaway over to your house at night time and we'll all have takeaway. Like yeah, I mean, you're probably saving a bit of money by not going out. But I think once Jack gets a bit older, you will be able to have a night out with your friends. It's

you know, not all dooman group. And also is always like I'm so happy to look after him, but it's me like I feel guilty like that mum guilt sinks in about leaving the house because we know which I think You've got to stop feeling guilty because Reese's back at work, you're looking after the Jack full time at home. I think that sometimes for your own sanity, you might need one night out. Yeah. Well, one really good thing that we implemented from the start that we'll get into

a little bit later is combination feeding. So I am doing breastfeeding and then also expressing milk and doing formula, and that has been amazing because it does allow Reese to feed Jack if I do want to go out so and he takes the bottle really well. So we've got pigeon bottles and they're incredible. Now. Another follower wrote in saying, was it what you expected? What did you

wish you'd known? Congrats? Well, I kind of touched on this a little bit earlier, but despite going to a breastfeeding class, I had no idea how often babies fed. Do you think that would be something they may mention. We're also currently trying to get Jack to sleep independently, is cought, So I didn't know how much time it took to actually get your baby to go to sleep. Like I kind of just thought, oh, they probably just sleepy.

You know, you don't have to rock them, you don't have to do all of these things, Like it can take so long to get him to go to sleep, and then he'll go to sleep, and then because babies have forty minutes sleep cycles, and then in forty minutes he'll be awake again and you've got to go in and resettle him. The next one is about how you see yourself as a person and your body now, and

they said it's so hard to see the changes. It is a controversial topic to touch on because there's a lot of conversations around bounce back culture, and I think that is really unhelpful for women. But to be honest, it is hard when your body changes so much and you're not used to seeing your body in a certain way. I think that's just human. And I think pretending that somehow we've cured this obsession with our bodies and that you know, women don't want bounce back in inverted commas.

I don't think that's helpful either, because there is a sense where you do want to look like what you used to, but that's not always possible. So I think it's just about being kind to yourself. And it helped me because I had a cesarean, so I actually had to recover for six weeks, which meant I couldn't do anything.

I'm still not doing anything, like I'll occasionally go for walks, but it's impossible at the moment for me to get out of the house and go do a workout or even go for a big walk, because again I'd have to take two Golden Retrievers with me and a pram, which is just impossible. So I'm trying not I'm trying to be so I'm trying to be really kind to myself, but there are voices in the back of my head that's like, oh, some's coming up, like I'd like to look like what I used to, and I have to

tell myself, you've had a baby. What I find really hard is when you see a lot of influences absolutely thrashing themselves in the gym when they're pregnant. Because I'm in Sarah's day, I think is thirty two weeks pregnant at the moment, and her workout routine is very rigorous. I know that she has a pregnancy guide, but to me, it makes me feel uncomfortable to see someone so heavily

pregnant working out to that level. We also touched on m Davies and how she has spoken about sticking to a pretty strict workout routine whilst pregnant, and she recently had her baby, and she's been sharing a lot of sort of body checks, so she showed her tummy or herself getting into a pair of pants two weeks after giving birth. And her stomach literally looked like what it did before. Oh. That actually really triggered me, and Sarah's

Day's content has triggered me. I mean, I am to blame when it comes to Sarah's Day because I don't know why I did this to myself. When I was breastfeeding, I was like, I wonder what she looked like postpartum, And I went back and I started watching all the videos of her when she had her first baby, Fox, and I'm like, why am I doing this to myself? Sometimes you just can't help the comparison, though, because you're cure to see what other women are like at the

same stages as you. Yeah. So I was pretty surprised after I gave birth because what I've seen on social media, people's stomachs just go back in, and I was like, oh, mine hasn't. Like it actually takes eight weeks or six weeks for it to actually start to go down, like your uterus to contract. And that really surprised me. And I was a bit like, Oh, I thought, for some reason, I'm just like I've always been, you know, a straight

sized person. I thought that I might just my stomach might go down, but you know, that is why social media can be so dangerous. I think that's why TikTok is so good, because I'm obviously all over Mumtalk now and there are a lot of women saying, hey, this is what a body looks like after you've given birth. I have to take my hat off to Jade Tunci

because she is really growing on me. I know that we have spoken in detail about some of the controversy that she's been previously caught up in, but I think that she's really turned a new leaf because I really love how real she's been about motherhood, because she isn't trying to bounce back. She is trying to spend time

with her child. And she spoke on her podcast recently saying that she has been triggered by other influencers sharing these body checks, and she herself has thought, well, why don't I look like that too, But she looks at her stomach and thinks, well, it's pretty miraculous that I bought a baby into this world. Yeah, you keep having to remind yourself of that, because I'm like, Wow, twelve weeks ago he was inside my stomach. It's absolutely crazy

and amazing. At the same time, I have really resonated more of a jaddey twen. She's content as well. I think motherhood has really opened her eyes and made her a lot more relatable. What about how you feel about yourself as a person, though, because I know for us before you got pregnant, a lot of our worries about becoming a mum is that people only see you as a mum, they don't see you as anything else. Yeah.

I've got to admit I do hate when people call me mama or mum because I'm like, well, I'm not your mom, like, and that's not what completely defines me. It's weird because I don't really think of myself as a parent. It's hard to get my head around the fact that I actually have a child. Well, you're prepared for Christmas. You've already bought Jack his own special stocking and then you were showing me yours and it said mom across it, and immediately I was like, is that

for our mom? Like it didn't give you that's for you? So yeah. Well, so during the two am breastfeeds, it popped into my head how important it was for Jack to have a really nice Christmas stocking because we still have ours from when we were little, and I'm like, I need to make sure it's a really nice one. So I've found this Etsy store that do personalized stockings and they're so cute. And then I was like, oh, well,

if Jack has one recent, I should have one. And I'm like to Mom, should I have recent Kate or mum and dad? And Mom's like, You've got to have mum and dad. So, yeah, it is really weird to refer to yourself as mum. I'm sure once Jack can actually talk it, will you know sit better with me. What do you feel about returning to work because your maternity leave is technically up in four weeks? Yes, it is just wild. I can't believe that this is the system in place. Yeah, it is crazy. I mean I

suppose it depends on workplaces. I am exployed by Outspoken Pecha Ltd. But when pick up out Spoken, I'm actually excited to get back to work. I'm just stressed how it's gonna work because I'm on this strict schedule. But you and Amy, you're a bit more lax with your timings, particularly Amy. We're not lax with our timings. We run another business as well, which makes things difficult. Yeah, but Amy is not really a stickler for being on time. Like I'll usually say I'll be here at twelve and

she'll get here at once. To be fair, I think that it's a tourba trait being yes and yes. Iways exactly the same before. But now that I've got this strict schedule to run to, it is stressful. So I'm planning to get hopefully I mean again, it depends on the day. I'm hoping that I can get work done during Jack snaps, but I will be relying on babysitters as well. And I do have to shout out to my mum. She has been absolutely incredible. I would be

lost without her. She over, you know, lots of mornings and afternoons helping me, and it's just so nice to have someone here to talk to because it can be isolating now. One follower wrote, what are a few things that have surprised you so far? One thing that really surprised me when Jack was first born was how dry his skin was. I know that sounds really random, but babies essentially shed this layer of skin, so we're trying to moisturize him. But the midwife's light no that's very normal.

It's all fine. Oh yeah, forgot that he was a bit scaly. Yeah, but his skin is super soft now, it is so soft. I get told off because I'm always trying to kiss him on the cheeks. Yeah, I might stop my head. He gets nude lipstick all over him. And then his hair is so soft too. I'm always touching that. Are you still brushing it? I know I haven't for a while. It's starting to fall out, you know, when they get that patch because they've been lying on

their head for too long. The other thing that has surprised me is, especially in the first couple of weeks reason I've both had it where we'll be asleep and we've woken up thinking that Jack is in the bed with us and he's all in the cover, and I'll actually reach around. There was one time where I thought Reese's head was Jack and I was like, oh my god, and I was like touching you, and Raese's like, what the hell is going on? Well, they do look very similar.

Jack is a mini me of reach they do. The other thing is the lengths that you'll go to to be quiet for the baby when he's sleeping. So it's really gross. But we've got an on suite and also like a main toilet, and we won't flush the toilet when Jack is asleep, so it's actually it feels like it's turned into a long drop. It's disgusting. Oh yeah, remind me never to use your on suite. That is gross. Now there's also a question is it harder than you expected.

I went in with very low expectations and a lot of people said to me, you'll be grateful if you have a shower again kind of thing. And I think it's because I've been open to accepting so much help from my mum that I am able to have a shower, and I have been putting on makeup because those things make me feel a lot more myself. Yeah, that's the thing I really feel for people who don't have the support of family or friends, because it would just be impossible.

Because the days where mum doesn't come over to help, you'll ring me and be like, fuck, I haven't even shower, I haven't got anything my makeup, But I haven't done anything. I know. I think I'm very spoiled, and Mum will bring me over like a bread roll that I can put salad in, like the other day, I'm like, oh my god, I've been home alone and i haven't had anything to eat. So I think I would be finding it much more difficult if it wasn't for all the

help that I've been given. Everyone needs a Linda Torper in their life. That woman is absolutely incredible. I mean for her because she raised three at once. One's probably like, yeah, exactly. Now listeners are keen to know what have been your top three favorite slash most used products. I actually got a bit gretty. I wrote more than three down, but you've got I'm looking at your notes, you have a fair list here. Yeah. So the first is those Bonds

double zip ones. Is they are incredible. Don't go out and buy a heap of fancy baby clothes because you don't need them. The Bonds ones are so cute as well, like they've got stripey ones, They've got spots, different patterns, they're really cute. And don't buy them full price. They always have forty percent off sale. So I wait for those. Well, I know you were saying to me that it's really important to get the zips. Yeah, so the double zips in particular, because that means you don't have to let

zip the whole outfit down. You can just kind of zip halfway and change then appy and buttons. You can't be dealing with them at two am. The other thing I would also recommend is a Love to Dream sleep suit, so instead of swaddling your baby. I don't even know how to swaddle, like The Midwife taught Reese how to do it, but because I was bedbound in hospital because of my cesarean, I never did it. I don't think anyone really swaddles anymore. Some people do, but these sleep

suits you just zip them up. They're great. They do grew out of them very quickly. Or they can be expensive as well. Yeah, we don't have to get the Love to Dream. There are other brands. I think Big w and Kmart have their own versions. Jack looks so cute in them too. He looks like a little star because he likes to hold his hands in the corner. Yeah, he actually reminds you of a gingerbread man when he's wearing them. Another thing that I love is the Ubi

nappy bin. So I actually heard Jesse Stevens on her podcast recommend this and I'd already chosen it, so I felt very validated in my selection and it has been so good. So it is a little bit expensive. I think it was like one hundred or one hundred and fifty dollars, but it means that you don't have to constantly go out and put nappies in the big bin outside. It surprises me how small it is because we are

recording in your nursery. I'm looking at it for some reason, I thought be double the size, and I suppose nappies are quite small. You do have to change it quite a bit. Well even want the smell, Well that's the thing. It actually keeps the smell in. I mean we don't put pooey nappies in there. We do put them straight in the bin. We just put the wet ones in there.

And also the good thing about it is there's these other bins I think, like the Tommy tippy bin where you have to actually buy special bin bags for it. These you just put normal bin bags in and it's very cheap. I know. A big one for you has been the breast pump. Like when you left hospital, you're like a meat. I need this. The first thing I need to do when I leave hospitals go to baby bunting and pick one out. Yeah. Actually mum did that for me, which was kind of her. But so I

got the Medulla Freestyle hands free breast pump. It's not cheap. I paid five hundred bucks for it, but it is worth every dollar. So it's funny you say that because my sister in law is pregnant, which is so exciting, and she wanted a recommendation from you about a breast pump. But my father in law, he is so thrifty. I love him so much. He loves going to garage sales and he saw a secondhand baby pump listed and he's like, do you want this? Like, I can get it for you.

My first reaction was like, oh, that's a bit gross. But as you've pointed out to me, you would change all of the cups, like, it's only the mechanics of the device that you would be using. Really, I think you can now don't quote me with this, but I did hear Victoria Devine on She's on the money talking about it. You can actually, yeah, buy the different pump and like you know, different bits of the equipment. I suppose the expensive bit is the actual pump. B Well,

I mean that's the thing. I think on marketplace there's so many secondhand baby things because realistically, you use some of these items for only a couple of weeks, so it's a great place that you can find something cost effective. Yeah, and this one is so good because it's hands free and also you don't have to be connected to the wall when you use. It's got a battery, so it's really good. This is what has blown my mind though,

how expensive some baby things are. Yeah. Well, the thing is, though, you don't need the top breast pump. I just decided that that was one of the things that I really wanted to spend money on, whereas in my nursery I got a Target cop that was I think one hundred and something dollars and I've got a keya draws. So it just depends where you want to spend the money. Another thing I would highly recommend, and I was gifted this I was very fortunate to get it is the

Nanat baby monitor. It is so incredible. We did a video about it. It's crazy. So Reese can be well, he often does. He is like watches us while we're in the nursery when he's at work. Okay, I never want to have a conversation with you in this nursery, because I know that Race could tune in at any opportunity. I mean, he's getting a free podcast here if he cares to listen, Yeah, so he can. Actually, it'll be funny to see if he actually says anything. He might

be listening right now. He can actually from his office press the microphone button and talk into it. So the other day he freaked us out. He said something and I was like, did he just say something. Another thing I would recommend is a portable change matt. So I was tossing up whether I buy a changing table or just put a change mat on top of my draws.

And I'm so happy I did that because Jack can use these draws, you know, until he's older, Whereas if it was a change table, it's not like he's going to get much use out of us. So we just moved that Cama Changing Matt to the family room and here it's really good. And my final recommendation is Pigeon bottles. Now today's episode is brought to you by Pigeon. But before Jack was born, I was doing research into what

bottle I should get. I had no idea. I went on TikTok, and I also looked at a lot of blogs and pigeon kept coming up, and I thought it was funny because our last name, Torbat in German actually meets pigeon, so I was actually drawn to that originally. But they had such good reviews, and because Jack was put on formula when he was two days old as

a top up, he took to the bottle instantly. It was so good because I heard of so many people saying that their baby would reject all these different bottles and had to buy so many. Moving on to the next question, one listener has written in to say, do you feel like having a newborn has impacted your relationship with your husband? Having a baby has shown me how important it is to actually be with the right person, because I think if you didn't have a strong relationship

then it would be really hard. So or a partner who doesn't do anything, Yeah, exactly. So Rees and I feel have been such an amazing team. So he had the first three weeks off and I would have loved him to have more time, but he was changing jobs. He got a new job just when Jack was born, so his workplaces were really great about it. But Originally we had planned for him to take more time off, so I was quite nervous about it, but he has

been aboutally incredible. So because I had a cesarean, I really needed to rely on him to do heaps of stuff for me because I really couldn't move that well. I didn't change a nappy for the first couple of days.

He was doing it all and he listened to a lot of parenting podcasts before and doctor Gollie was on one of the podcasts he listened to, and he spoke about how the non breastfeeding parent really should be doing everything but breastfeeding because as a person that's breastfeeding, it takes a lot of energy to actually produce milk and the whole process is very time consuming, so that person

really needs to get a lot of sleep. So we implemented that from the get go, and Reese took charge of all the burping, all the nappy changes, all the settling, and obviously now that he's back at work, I'm doing a lot of that during the day and it's really nice because Reese will come home from work and do Jack's last bottle for the night and also put him into bed, give him his bath and that's their little routine, and in the mornings before work, he'll also do his

early MOREK feed and it just makes such a difference for me, and also it means that he gets to spend time with Jack as well. The thing that I worry about when I think about having kids is feeling resentful to my partner if he is the one that goes back to work full time, which will probably most likely be the case, because I mean, I run two businesses, but I have a level of flexibility with my job

that he does not. However, I hate that it's always the default generally that it's the woman who has to do the bulk of the child caring and it's just assumed that the husband will go back to work. I think it's really important to have a discussion one what works financially best for your family, and two who wants

to be looking after the child all. I don't like how when you discuss it, it's kind of like, oh, the negative that you have to stay home because I felt sorry for es having to go back to work

and not getting to see Jack all day. Yeah, but there's a lot of women who would feel resentful because they're you know, you're seeing your husband going back to work, and he's able to stop off for lunch, he's able to speak to other humans, he's able to socialize and get dressed up every day and feel like a member of society, whilst you're at home, probably covered in vomit in your pajamas in most cases. So I think that

that's where a level of resentment can be bred. Or I understand the level of resentment, but what I'm saying is, I think it's how you look at motherhood too. And it is a full time job, and it's a very rewarding job, but it's also very difficult. So I think what you're trying to say is sometimes the men and the dads get the best of both worlds because they get to enjoy parenthood and also then get to have that go to work and be an adult and talk

to adults exactly. I have heard a lot of new parents also talk about how they miss their partner even

though they're there a lot. And I think that definitely happens because at night, you know, Reese will take the dogs for a walk while I'm feeding Jack, and then we'll do a little bit of a tag team switch over and then he'll get give him his final bottle and put him to bedlah blah blah, and then I'll be cooking dinner and then we'll finally have like two hours together where we eat dinner, but then Jack will

wake up. So you feel like you don't really get to spend a lot of time together either, and it's not that quality time that perhaps you used to spend together. But again, I haven't had a child, but I am led to believe by your situation and what I hear other parents say is that there's something so special about having a child that is both of you. Yeah, it definitely is, and it just brings you a lot closer together as well. The last question is was the sleep

training guide worth it? I have a six week old baby at the moment now, as I have touched on, we are following doctor Gollie's sleep guides and I would highly recommend them. So for those who don't know, Doctor Gollie is a pediatrician and he calls himself a baby expert. So I came across him on a podcast and then I noticed that he also is a pediatrician to a lot of influencers baby so Steph cles Smith uses him and also Chantel Stanton. He's got one hundred and fifty

thousand followers, so I was a little bit dubious. I was like, ah, has he just got a lot of hype around him because he's a doctor to all of these celebrity babies. And it was actually my husband who came across him on this podcast first. So Reese really liked him, and he resonated a lot with him, so I was happy. I'm like, cool, if you like this guy, let's check him out. And one of Reese's friends actually bought doctor Golli's book. So the book is a guide

to the first four weeks of parenting. It's not a sleep guide or anything like that. It's just got a lot of helpful tips. And a lot of people have been asking me, what's a good present to buy for a baby shower. I would buy your friend this book because it was so helpful, particularly for someone like me

who knew nothing about babies. And I have heard advice that if your baby is sleeping well, that you shouldn't talk about it because it jinxes it, and I'm very worried about doing that, but I also think it's important to talk about things when they are positive, because then you only get this one side of a story that when you have a baby, you never sleep and things change so quickly. And as I said, we are approaching the four month sleep progression, so who knows what our

sleep is going to be like. But for the last four weeks, Jack has been sleeping around six or seven hours overnight, so we have managed to drop one of his night fees and it's been absolutely life changing. You do have to wait until your baby is at least five to six kilos before you do drop that night feed, and we did talk to our doctor and our midwife about it and they were really happy with how Jack's

weight was tracking. So it's been really good. But in saying that, we are now working on his daytime naps because once they start to consolidate sleep overnight, it does sometimes affect their day naps. So at the moment, we're trying this new technique it's called cuddle to cot, where you get the baby to sleep in their basinet or

cot by themselves. So normally we were spending all this time rocking him and putting him to sleep and then trying to transfer him across into his cop But now which trying to do this thing where he falls asleep in his cop because it helps him link his sleep cycles better. So that is ongoing. That has been quite challenging the last couple of weeks. Well, that is where

we are going to wrap things up. Thank you so much to all of our listeners for sending in questions, and Kate, thank you for returning from maternity leave for this episode. Yes, I will be back, as you said in mid October, raring to go, but I may be a little bit tired trying to juggle everything well. This episode was recorded on the traditional land of the Ghana people of the Adelaide Planes. We'd pay respect to elders bills in the present