Scarily Honest Relationship Advice Part 2

Hello, and welcome to Outspoken. As usual, you're joined by journalists Amy Sophie and Kate Torber and today we have our special guest Dr X back in the studio for part two of our very honest chat about what some men are thinking. And just to remind you, of course, this is just some men that are victiing this. So let's get back into our chat and we've got a few more questions of yours to answer. So the next

It really it depends firstly how old he is. That makes a big difference. Is he twenty five or is he forty? If he's young or maybe again hedging his bets. You know, he wants to see what's out there, and at the same time, I don't want to lose you because I do like you, so he might probably does like you. But at the same time, again it all depends how old he is. He's just walking carefully, doesn't want to lose you. But at the same time, there might be someone out there, or maybe he wants to

I've got to say, this sounds like a pretty common thing I've heard from a lot of my friends. It's like, you know, they do break up, then there's the hook up, and they think they're going to get back together, and then it just seems to keep going on and on and on until the girl finally gets a new boyfriend. I think it's pretty common. Yeah, I reckon he's just keeping her hanging on in case he decides he actually wants a girlfriend, and you know, or as you said,

Don't blame him.

And if who is it, Jessica, if she's willing to wait, well, you know, maybe you should do the same thing, Jessica. You know, maybe hang on to him, but have a look around to see if there's something better.

I would recommend, though I wouldn't sleep with I wouldn't hook up with him if.

That wouldn't as she slept with him or not.

She said hooked up, So I don't know if that means or they.

Could be hooked like raising hooked up.

I don't know. I just think if it's your ex and you really want to get back with them, I think by hooking up with them, it's I don't know, it's showing that you're not waiting for commitment, but you're ready, You're fine to just have a fling. I don't know. I don't think they'd be taken too seriously. Yeah, but I suppose if they're used to hooking up, so it's probably not such a big deal for them. I suppose

For her, that makes a big difference, doesn't it.

And she's getting this you know, false sense that they're going to get back together, it'd be very painful. Well, then she shouldn't be doing it.

And if he shouldn't be leading or on like he really loves her and loves her, and she's just waiting for him. I think I wouldn't be waiting. I'd still be moving on. But it all depends how she feels about it.

You start, you need to start the jealousy game. That's the game to get them back. Not that I'm going to hook up with you and give you everything you want. You've got to start playing the field. Look like you're out with guys, and I think this guy would suddenly go shit, I'm not getting what I want. I'm gonna have to do something. If I really do like this.

Girl, will The test will be if he sees her out with another bloke, and then then he's got to decide, well, do I want it or don't I want it?

Because that sometimes when you actually know you care, when you do see someone with somebody else and you go, oh, I've made a bad decision.

Well, it's normally the case, isn't it if they're on there. If you've got nobody that ain't seem to care. As soon as you get someone like, you start caring. So it's weird, but that's human nature. It's all fucked up.

Really, Wishing Jessica all the best. Because it sounds like difficult, Jessica, you're stuffed moving on? Hi, doctor X. My boyfriend has become friends with a new girl at work. I would hate for him to tell me not to have male friends. So I have tried to be cool about the new relationship. However, I can't help but feel jealous and a little suspicious when they hang out. Should I be okay with them spending time one on one? Or should I set up some boundaries?

Laura from Sydney, So Laura's her boyfriend is hanging out with friends a girl work after ours?

Is that what's I think that's?

She's saying, yeah, well, yeah, well that's that's a tough one as well. I don't think there's anything wrong with it if they're just hanging out, or depends what the situation is again, like she waited? Is a girlfriend waiting at home for him while he's out with this other girl?

I mean, so she hot? Is she hot? Now? She's hot?

You've got a problem. You know you've got a problem. But should she set some boundaries?

Well?

Yeah, I think you should set a few boundaries without choking him and saying, well, I don't want you to have friends regardless of you know, male or female.

I think that that will.

Scare him away from by sending those sort of boundaries.

But she's going to.

Trust him enough to think that. You know, it's only their only friends, and we all have friends at work who opposite sex. Doesn't mean you're gonna have sex with all of them. You know, you're just friends with them. So that's just the way it is. So I think a lot of trusts involved here firstly, and boundaries. Well, I wouldn't set boundaries, but I'd see how far he wants to push it, and then you might want to send a boundary.

And the thing is, if this girl is after your boyfriend, Laura, the worst thing you can do is act like a psycho because that's going to play into her trap. So you've got to act to like the cool girlfriend that doesn't mind. I mean, maybe then you start to make friends at work the are boys, and see how he likes it. Moving on to the next question, how soon is too soon to move on from a relationship?

Wow?

How long is a piece of string? Some people can do it pretty quickly, hown't they?

And some need a long time.

And the sooner you can move on is the better, because it's not a nice feeling, especially if you've been dumped. Maybe it's different if you've dumped that person, obviously you can move on a lot quicker. But if you've been dumped, I think, yeah, the sooner you can move on, and then it's easier said than done, because it's the worst feeling in the world.

And it's funny.

No matter what your friends, your best friends, your close friends, whatever advice they give you, which all makes sense, you still don't listen. You know, it goes in one ear out the other, because all you know is you feel like shit.

Because the general rule of thumb is that however long you went out with someone, you should take half that time to get over them. That's what I was told.

No, that's bullshit.

Never heard of that before, to be honest, But I just think if you're strong enough to move on, do it as soon as you can.

But that's not that easy.

It also depends if you're checked out of that relationship. So I know a lot of people stay in bad relationships that they might have in their head gone, oh, this has got to end soon, and I'm just waiting it out. So I think that comes into it as.

Well, yeah, you're right, some relationship and before they end, Yeah, you know you're already like a year before they're finished, and they've just hung around. Yeah, because you get used to that person. It's like a habit and you don't know how to finish it off. It just there's always something that breaks breaks, you know, the straw that breaks the camel's back, and that's what you wait for before you move on.

See. The final question is from doctor X. Doctor X is from Stacy from Brisbane and she's asked, Dear doctor X, a guy I'm dating has asked me to send through a nude photo. What should I do?

Oh, Stacy? Stacy.

If he's a football I wouldn't do it because that could end up anywhere. Again, it all depends how long you've been with him. For Stacy, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. If it's private, just between you and him, no problem whatsoever. But you know you're walking on dangerous territory here if you haven't known him very long, or you know you don't want.

Him to share it with his mates.

You know, if you trust him and you've been with him long enough and it's just between you and him, who cares.

But that's the only reason I'll do it.

Do you know what When I used to work at a cafe down at Glenelg, I remember I was had a late night shift and my phone went off and I had a look and I was a photo of a nude girl like it was. It didn't have the face in or anything, and I was like, oh my god, what is this. I didn't reply because I was on my well I wouldn't. I just left it because I was on my shift and I was I had to put my phone away. And then about half an hour later, she resent the photo, so I had to write back.

Them, well you should have forwarded onto me.

I know doctor X is saying, you know, go ahead if you want it, But I think people also have to be wary that there's a lot of apps that can't be trusted, like Snapchat or Instagram or I don't know that you know, even eye cloud.

But what about if it's just send on message that's only between you and message.

I know you still got to worry that this person might take the photo and use it somewhere else.

Well, yeah, exactly, That's what I was saying.

If it depends how long you've been Look, if you've been going this out with this guy for five years, well it's you know obviously you know him pretty well. And I don't think if it's only between you two, I see it the problem.

I personally would never do that. I've watched too many documentaries of bloody revenge porn. I just don't I'm not interested in it anyway. But my advice would be to the girls that are taking these photos, don't include your face. That's probably one piece of advice, because I mean, I didn't know who this girl was it sent me that weird photo, and lucky for I her, it could have been someone I knew. Moving on to the next question, So, doctor X, what do you think constitutes cheating?

Wow?

Not a kiss?

No, definitely not a kiss. Well, I mean kind of, It's in the same category, but not one of the strong ones.

I guess.

The cheating one is obviously sleeping with someone else. That's definitely cheating. But then you know, some people could say, what about if you're going to have a drink with someone in a bar and you don't have sex, is that cheating? Well, kind of it is, but it isn't because there's emotional cheating, absolutely, and there's there's different ways of looking at cheating. But but I just think there's

What about that question of emotional cheating versus having sex? I suppose do you think that is sometimes worse? Because you know, you were saying that men seem to don't really care as much about who they have sex with. But do you would you be more offended, say, if your partner had an emotional affair with affair with someone.

An emotional give me more information.

So they were I suppose invested in another person that they were talking to them all the time, maybe about really important issues that they nothing had happened, but you know there were obviously feelings between the two.

Is that worse than actually having sex. To you me, that's worse. Not really.

It all depends how long it goes for and if they didn't tell you. And I mean, because you can have a relationship with the opposite sex and you get on really well with them, but if you don't have sex, I don't think that's cheating.

So how much emphasis do you think men place.

On looks on looks on a woman?

I think both parties you have to admit that looks is the first impression that counts. And we can all agree that you might meet good looking people, but once you start talking to them they're ugly. All of a sudden you think, yeah, okay, thank you very much, but who cares? So yeah, the looks is always the first thing. But having said that, you could meet a nice looking person opposite sex, but there's still nothing there. They just good looking, but there's no again, that electricity, And you

Next question, why do guys seem to hate commitment?

I don't know if guys hate commitment. I think you only hate commitment when you haven't met the right person. I think, I think once you meet the right person, you know it and then you do commit. But but yeah, I think once you met the right person, you'd make a commitment.

So doctor X, do men really prefer women with no makeup?

Hmm, that's a tough one. I don't want to put girls off putting makeup on. I think some girls need it, and lucky lucky Well, I mean, let's face it, when I was younger growing up, you know, like you pick up a girl at a dance and you know it's all dark and you know the disco lights, and you've had a few drinks, and you go home with them, and you wake up in the morning think what the fuck it looks like someone completely different. But yeah, I mean I don't mind. I think it's not if girls

We're loving your honesty, Eggs. What are some signs that a guy really likes you?

That a guy really likes the girl touching. There's one thing you know.

Mind you, I'm of Mediterranean background, so we do a lot of touching anyway.

Don't give your identity away. Okay, I'm you're a dink.

You die.

I think touching and just looking at that person in the eye when they're talking, and.

Don't we just got content.

I know, we just got guy contacting.

And I look at all of you out there, you go, love you girls, and touching as well.

I think I think you can.

You can tell the vibe again, you know, with a not only touching, but just to see that they're open to you. They're smiling, and they just keep looking and there's no one else in the room. Because what I hate the most is when you're talking to someone, you meet a girl and they're looking at someone else and not you, and whoever walks past them, there's another person, another and they're not even with you. I cannot stand that. Girls,

And on the other hand, what are some signs that a guy isn't into you?

Yeah, when he's looking at all the other people the exact opposite to what I just said, pretty much that, Yeah, the guy's kind of cold, his answers short answers, and he's looking at everybody else except you.

You know that it's time to get the fuck.

Out of there, and doctor X for our last question, do you think watching porn is cheating?

No, definitely not. I don't even know what that actually means cheating watching porn, know, I mean, I think it's the most natural thing in the world. It's been around for centuries, pornography, and so nah, I think sometimes it might sort of generate the juices to you know, maybe if things aren't working well in the bedroom, then go watch a little bit of porn and then go and go to bed with the wife or the partner, and I think maybe it might sort of help you.

So do you think it might actually prevent cheating?

Well, maybe not. I'm not saying that it works for everybody. No.

I'm sure that in some cases, you know, people maybe want to maybe start looking around when they watch porn. But but I don't think the actual watching of the porn is cheating. That's definitely to me, it's not cheating.

So what would you say if you had a partner that got quite offended or hurt that you're watching it, Because I mean, I've heard a lot of girls say that they don't like the fact that their partner is looking at another woman and having these thoughts about another woman. I think that's where the element of them thinking cheating comes into it.

Well, I mean, looking at another either another woman or another man from a woman's point of view, that's not cheating, really, is it. Look, even if you have thoughts about having you know, like in your mind, your little fantasy, it's still not cheating unless you actually cheat.

Well, thank you so much for your us for part two of our Conversation with Doctor X. If you'd like any questions answered for another podcast, please send them to us on Instagram at Outspoken, Underscore The Underscore Podcast or head to our Facebook page at Outspoken, Underscore, The Underscored Podcast and just send them through. We'd love to hear from you.