Scarily Honest Relationship Advice. Find Out What Men Are Really Thinking.

Hi, and welcome to a very special episode of Outspoken. You're joined by journalists Sophie Kate and Amy Torbert.

Have you ever wanted to know what men really think?

In a modern world of dating apps, social media, etiquette and mixed messages, We want to help you navigate the harsh dating world. We're actually feeling a bit nostalgic today. Growing up, everyone would remember Dolly Doctor's sealed section was where you'd go for dating advice. Nothing was too embarrassing or too cringey. We want to move Dolly Doctor into twenty nineteen with our very own doctor X.

Welcome Doctor X.

Good evening, ladies. I've got three of you here. That's a man's dream.

Well, thank you for joining us, and we will be keeping your identity anonymous because we want you to be as open as possible. And we've chosen you because we think you give the best dating advice.

Well, if you want the truth and you think it's the best dating advice, then I'll take that, but I'll give you the truth. I'm not going to hold anything back.

Thank you.

So we've taken to social media to find out what you really want to know but are too embarrassed.

To ask.

So the first question, Dear doctor X, my boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Ever since we started dating, he has continued to like other girls photos on Instagram. I don't mind him liking his female friend's photos, but I've stumbled across him liking pictures of girls I don't know. In some of the photos, the girls are wearing bikinis or a scantily dressed Why do men do this? And should I be worried? And that's from Caitlin from Queensland.

Caitlin, very good question. I don't think there's anything wrong with it one year. Yeah, you haven't been around long enough yet. I think I think he's still kind of hedging his bets. To be totally honest, he still wants to see what's out there, and I think it's a normal thing for guys just to look at other women. There's nothing wrong with it as long as you reap the rewards, if you know what I'm saying. So, I think, in answer to your question, I wouldn't worry about it

I personally think that, yeah, if he's into you, he shouldn't be liking those photos. As you say, from a woman's perspective, I would think that would show he's maybe unless it's unless it's a friend of his photos, that's fine to like it. But if you're liking bikini photos, it shows you a little bit uninterested. I would think I wouldn't put up with it.

So you wouldn't like the idea of looking at bikini photo. Is that what you're saying.

I wouldn't like the idea of my boyfriend liking other girls photos.

In bikini Do you feel threatened?

Well, I would feel threatened because I was be thinking, but why is he liking this if he's interested in me.

But he doesn't know them?

Oh, if he doesn't know them?

Does she's saying he knows these guys?

I took it that she knew that.

They weren't, you know, like supermodels, they were just normal girls.

Yeah, but does he know them?

Well, she said that she doesn't know them, So I'm wondering if that's the problem.

Well, if he knows them, then that maybe changes things. If he knows them, then it's a little bit weird. But maybe he has't got what's his intentions? Is he just looking for the hell of looking at the attractive girl in a bikini, which guy doesn't like, I mean even girls like looking at attractive women and bikinis.

Well, I like to know.

If he's open to publicly liking this girl's photo and perhaps commenting what is going on behind closed doors in the is he sliding into a few girls dms that the girlfriend doesn't know about as well?

Well, I don't know, I think maybe being a bit too precious. But having said that, if it was the other way around, you know, and she was looking at guys in nice tight little bathers the speedo's, maybe he might be a bit jealous. Maybe he's trying to make it jealous. I don't know.

It's interesting though, because I think the difference is back in the day, men would look at, you know, these sorts of photos in magazines, but there was no way of actually contact the girls, whereas in Instagram you can find a hot girl and then directly message her. So wondering if that's sort of a part of it, that she's a bit worried that the you know, he might not just be looking at these photos but then trying

Well, how many of them what you're saying, like hundreds of them?

Well, if I was looking, say, I met a guy and I saw that all these bikini photos kept popping up of him liking, I think maybe he was a.

Bit of a player, a bit of a pig.

I was gonna say that actually happened to me. I was dating some guy and on the Instagram, I kept you can see what people like follow a like, and I noticed that he kept liking girls photos in bikinis, and I was sort of like, what I mean, we weren't even exclusive or anything like that, but that kind of made me feel like he was a bit of a perv. Does that make you sound a bit crazy, though, that you're not even going out with this guy and

So what did you think of him? How were you thinking? Were you feeling threatened? Yeah?

Well they were kind of girls with massive boobs, and I was like, well, I don't have massive boobs.

So and it wasn't just models, it.

Was like random girls in Adelaide. So I was like, hmm, okay.

In nnswer two ways? Was it Caitlin? Was it from Queensland? I'd say to Caitlin, if you really feel threatened and he keeps looking at these girls, maybe it's time to get a new boyfriend.

Moving on to the next question. It's from Ella from Melbourne. Dear doctor X. The other night, my boyfriend revealed to me he has slept with that twenty six women. We are both in our mid twenties and began dating two years ago. Do men usually lie about their numbers?

That's another good question. Yeah, I think some guys do. I think it's sometimes safer to lie about how many year because and I think we've all been there. Tell me the truth, I really, I don't mind. I won't I won't care. And then you do tell them the truth, and then they'll hold it against you forever. So I reckon. It's best either to say you can't remember, that's me, or maybe just say two or three, because that way,

Is there a general rule of thumb that guys have the women?

There's some rule that, you know, divide it by three whatever they say.

No, I don't know really, because I mean you can ask any guy you know and ask them, and many women they've had. I'll be surprised if they know, unless they're dead shits and they don't and they're not very good looking and they've never had that many women. That's different. But otherwise most blokes will not remember, and to us it doesn't really matter. It's like, at the end of the day, you're with the are now, so who cares what was in the past. That was just a bit of practice.

Is there a number that would put you off if you found out someone you were dating, like a girl had slept with you know, fifty guys. Is there a number that you would cap it at that you'd think not interested anymore?

What depends how she old she was. If she was twenty one and she had fifty blokes, I think that would worry me a tad. What then you do your sums? I think that's twice a day. Yeah, I suppose that you know guys. I think most guys would prefer women to add that many guys. If you come up with a high total, then then there is a kind of a red flag, which is I didn't make the rules. That just seems to be the case.

I dated a guy and he was only twenty at the time, so this was back in the day, and he told me that he and his friends would keep a list and write down every girl that they'd slept with. And his list was up to twenty three and he was only twenty years old and lost his Begitta. Not a bad effort when he was eighteen. I actually think he was over over selling how many girls he'd actually been with to sound more impressive.

You're right, when you're younger, you kind of you do keep count as you're growing up past puberty, and you know it's a challenge to see how many girls you can get. So yeah, yeah, I think I most probably was the same. But then you get to a point where you just don't worry about it anymore. It's kind of you don't have to impress anyone. But yep, I believe that.

Okay, So our next question is from and from Sydney.

So do you, doctor X?

I have a question about online dating. I swipe right, we match, I text first. He never replies. This is happening more and more frequently to me and many of my single gal pals. Why we are catchers? But why swipe bright if you don't think we fit your criteria? Why inflate your ego by gaming matches and not talking to them? So why do you think these guys aren't talking?

Yeah, I don't know they what depends what they look like, because let's face it looks first impressions is what they look like.

So she's talking about the dating app Tinder, So that's based on what people look like. So you can either go yes, yes, yes, or no.

Well not to butt in here, doctor X.

But I've heard it from a lot of guys that they all just swipe right on basically every girl that pops up in their feed, So they're just kind of hedging their bets.

At who's gonna law of average.

Yes, so they probably match with someone and they weren't particularly interested in matching with them, so they're not going to pursue the conversation any further.

Yeah, that's an interesting one, and I've never used Tinder thankfully. Well, I think it's there is a need for it, There's no doubt about it because a lot of single people out there, a lot of women especially, don't like going to bars and finding their perfect match for the rest of their life at a pub while he's pissed. But at the same time, I think this is for blokes. They mostly use it as a thing to just meet

So moving on to the next letter, it reads, Dear doctor X. At the start of the year, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. He admitted to me that he slept with another girl on a drunken night out. The girl in question is quite plain looking. A lot of people have told have been shocked as they say, I'm a lot better looking than her. Whye a man cheat with girls who aren't as good looking as their partners. And that's from Lizzie from Melbourne.

Because they're blokes, I think that's I mean, that's not the first time I've ever heard that little story, I can tell you, especially when they have a few drinks. Sometimes having a few drinks as an excuse, mind you. But I don't think it's for blokes. I mean, as long as she's you know, hasn't got a leash on her, and she's not ugly, I think I don't think guys

So do you think it's it is the excitement of someone new?

Absolutely, see where hunters men are hunters, So not that they all go looking for women or for other women or other sex. Some do and there's some that just lands on their lap and then they do it. Not everybody, but most of them would.

Do you think that this guy in question truly loves his girlfriend? If he's going off and sleeping with someone else.

Well, he could still love her. I'm not saying that it's just because he's sleeping with someone else doesn't mean he doesn't love his girlfriend. That's not the case. But there could be a situation where he doesn't love her that's why he's sleeping. So it's not everybody's the same. He still could love his girlfriend, but he just wants to sort of have something different. See.

I think a lot of women who would be listening to your advice they would be confused because I would think if my boyfriend was sleeping with someone else, that he wouldn't love me.

Do you know what I mean?

I find it I think that's probably a hard ideology for women to hear. Do you think it's just because men and women are different in that respect?

One hundred percent different? And I know of women, many women they wouldn't have sex with someone unless they love them and they have feelings. Guys don't have to be like that because to guys it's just physical. You know, they could go past the feelings and lovey and all that sort of stuff because it's just physical. So yeah, we're completely different, and I can understand why women would think that.

The next letter says, Hi, doctor X, I'm so confused. I met a guy two months ago through a mutual friend. Everything was going great. We'd message all the time. He'd seemed really interested in getting to know me. We spoke about our families and our goals for the future. Out of nowhere, he started to ghost me. He's never free to catch up anymore, and he started to ignore my texts. Why when everything seems to be going great to men get cold feet?

Speaking from experience, he didn't want to full on relationship. It took him a while to work out that. You know, she could be a lovely girl, and he could see that, and he thought, well, I I'm not ready to settle down just yet, so maybe I'll pull back because I still want to be single. That's happened to me, it's happened to people I know where you're just not ready for a commitment. Maybe it started off he just wanted to have a fling with this girl, and then he

See I think that's really good advice for women to hear, because I think a lot of the time women go, oh, it must be me, I've done something wrong. But I feel like that's good to hear that you know you're this person, You're probably an amazing girl, but this guy is just not looking for something right now.

Well that's maybe why. And I could speak from experience in the past that there were some amazing girls, there were lovely girls, that it wasn't them, it was me, And I felt like I wasn't ready to lead them in the wrong direction when I knew there wasn't In my mind, if there wasn't going to be a relationship because I wasn't ready. So yeah, those girls that are

So the next question is from back from Adelaide, says dear dr X, I've started dating a guy I can see a future with. I wanted to know how long I should make him wait before we sleep together. In the past, I've slept with guys too early into a relationship and it's made them feel like they don't have to put a title on our relationship. I really want to show him I'm girlfriend material.

So what do you think?

Wow, Now, this is a tough one. There's no easy answer for this question, because it can guy. Are the two ways it can guy. Either if you have sex with him too early, maybe that's all he wanted and he's out of there. And if you wait too he's waiting that long that he's out of there as well, or he wants to have it with somebody else. So this is something that everybody's different and you've got to

It's funny that you say that because there's another podcast I really enjoy listening to called Love etc. And they were saying, oh, you know, just go for it, like it doesn't really matter if if you do sleep with the guy and then he rejects you, then at least you know.

But I kind of.

Think, well, no, I wouldn't be happy with that because then they've got what they wanted and then keeped you to the curb. I don't think it's how long are they talking, Okay, like a few days or something. They were talking like, if you want to hook up like one night stand, then go for it, And to me, that's I don't think that's good advice at all.

Definitely bad advice. It's the worst bullshit I've ever heard, to be totally honest. You know you're going to feel sorry for yourself and bad for yourself if you just have sex with the sky let's say even after the second night. If he puts pressure on you, you know that's what he wants. If he puts pressure on you to have sex early, you know that that's what all he wants. Is that because he'll be gone the next week. So bad advice.

Just on that topic. What do you think about kissing on the first date?

Then, yeah, that's another one that's sort of horses for courses. You're really going to play it by ear. If there's chemistry there, go for it. I think, go for it because you can feel how much you want this person if there is chemistry. If there's no chemistry there, then just pull back. That could still come. It doesn't mean there won't be. But sometimes you know, you can meet someone straight away and straight away this chemistry you know. Yep,

I think there's nothing wrong with it.

It's so it's a bit awkward when there's this kiss lingering over your head and it's almost like a wee friend, do.

You like me?

It's ye it's always a bit awkward when you don't kind of get that kiss out the way.

Well, you're only going to kiss the person, and if one of two things, if you really like them and you want a relationship, or you're going to kiss them because you want to get into bed with him, that's the only two reasons. Otherwise you're just gonna give me a peck on the chicken sagod night.

I actually had this experience before where there was no kiss on the first day. It was a good date. We both actually lost our verses from talking so much. There was a really good friendship there. But it stretched out to date number four and it was so the day. The date before was a movie date, so you're kind of waiting for the guy to make a move and it was all but I don't think it's just up

Yeah, Well, it was just awkward.

It got to the point where it was like the fourth day and it finally happened, But it just we'd all spoken about it so much that it was just it was awkward, and there was just nothing there.

Do you know what this reminds me?

I remember that Seinfeld episode where Jerry couldn't He said he couldn't sleep with this girl because he respected her too much.

And he said, yeah, he.

Said, the conversation was just so good there was no time to pause and make a move. It sounds like the same situation.

Well it is, and I can see that. But I'm with Sophie. There's nothing wrong with you making a move, you know. I think in the twenty first century especially, there's nothing wrong with the girl making the first move if she's sure she wants to kiss this guy. Because most guys, most guys, not all guys, would want to kiss a pretty woman. There's no doubt about that. But obviously there was no chemistry from the start. You know,

I feel like that awkwardness wouldn't be there if you did have a good connection with someone. Yeah, And I think, reflecting back on it, it was just you just knew that we were good friends got along, but there was just nothing there. And yeah, as he said, it's pretty obvious. So I think it can be good to get it out of the way because then at least, you know, do you know what I keep getting in my head? You know that Kath and Kim episode where it's like, no kiss now.

Coach, no kiss, no coach.

The next question is about a kiss of a different kind. So it says, dear doctor X, I recently found out my boyfriend kissed another girl when he was away on a work trip. He told me it was a mistake and it wouldn't happen again. Should I give him a second chance?

Absolutely?

Now that is from Stephanie for Melbourne, So you do think he should have a.

Second Tephany, give him one more chance? He I mean a kiss again. All the circumstances that surround it makes a big difference. But I think if you, yeah, everyone makes a mistake. Maybe in that moment something happened. Did they have sex or just a kiss?

Well she's saying just kiss.

Well, if it was just a kiss, I think, yeah, give him a chance. I mean it might have just been a quick kiss or was it one of those full on don't let go type kiss.

If he's already been dishonest, you know, in the first place, and probably has been caught out with the kiss. Maybe there has been more that's happened that he's not being honest about.

We don't know, I suppose so, doctor X.

Would it be different if this guy had actually slept with the girl instead of just kissing it?

Well, it changes things for sure. But as we know, there are some couples that forgive give them another chance, even under those circumstances, and then there's others that no chances. You've done the wrong thing, you're out of here. So again, need to know more information, need to have more ideas of how this all started, what happened. Was he drunk or was she drunk? Maybe some people say it's not an excuse, but people do make mistakes.

Do you think it would make a difference if, say, he knows the girl compared to if it's a random girl.

Yeah, that's a very good question. I think some women would most probably say I'd rather be a random girl than know the girl. I think that is a huge difference, especially if it's your girlfriend. Then that one there is that one there is getting on a really sticky ground. If it's your girlfriend that he had sex with, I think that's a no note of going with your girlfriend's girlfriends,

But that's a bigger boundary it is.

Namely because and you can understand how it happens, because they see so much of each other. Then you start to grow on them as well. And if they're attractive, then you're only human. But it's still not an excuse, and I think it's a no no that one there. But if it was just a stranger, I think it's a little bit different. That's what I think.

Do you think it's also different if he's been honest about it, like if he's tried to deceive the girlfriend and lie about it, is it different? Or if he's actually come to him said I've made a genuine mistake.

Never admit to it. Never admit to it, because what you don't know will not hurt you unless you've been found out. That's a different ballgame. But if you admit it, that is looking for trouble.

See if my boyfriend went out and kissed another girl, I would dump his r so quickly just a kiss, yeah, because I think it's so disrespectful and it should have shows what their motives are, as in if I know, I wouldn't go out and do that if I really cared about somebody.

So I think that what about if he's intoxicated, because people do things they don't normally do when they're drunk. Is that an excuse or not?

I don't really. I think that sometimes it's a bit of a cop out. I think you'd have to be there.

And if his friends were like he just didn't know what he was doing, he was paralytic and he was you know, oh, please forgive me.

I'd never do this. I don't know. But I'm just of the mind that once a cheater, always a cheater.

And you know, it depends if it's really early on in the relationship as well. I'm not sure when this happened, but you kind of think where you know, that's kind of what the relationship's going to be like. If this guy's kissing other girls already.

No, but you're saying kissing other girls, we're talking about one person here. If your boyfriend kissed one person that's all he's ever done. You would actually go to the extreme of dumping him just because he kissed one girl. That's pretty extreme. Well, he's made a mistake.

It would depend, it would depend what he said, and if I really loved him, I might be stupid enough to forgive him. But I think my initial I don't know. I don't think I could get over that because I feel like it's just so dishonest. I think a lot of girls would keep it in the back of their mind as well and not be able to trust them when they went out on Further.

We're talking about a kiss, not having sex. A kiss, I think that's okay, you shouldn't do it, but it's really not that bad like having sex.

I mean, obviously it's not as bad as that. There's obviously scales of badness, but I think it's still as a betrayal of someone's trust. If you're out on a work trip and the first thing you do is go on hook up with another girl, to be honest, I think it's wrong, but I think you got It's easy

I reckon you should do it within the first week.

What about So if a girl farted in front of you in the first week, would you be impressed or a bit disturbed?

No, I would be okay, because you know, sometimes you go out like you know you what depends how long you've been out with this person, and you hold it in. You don't want to and you're fucking dying to get out of there. As soon as you're getting that car away, she goes and that car is dangerous all of a sudden because it doesn't smell very nice. So I reckon, the sooner you get that out of the way, the better, so you both feel comfortable.

I've never farted in front of dale.

Well, that's ridiculous. That is ridiculous.

We heard of someone someone we know has never farted in front of their girlfriend of seven years a boy nahn.

Like, I find that very very hard to believe. There's nothing that's just the human beings do that. That's what everybody does it, you know, like everybody does it.

So I thought I hadn't yet farted in front of my boyfriend, and then I found out that I've done it in my sleep. I'll just add my ex boyfriend he told me that if I ever farted in front of me, he'd kick me to the curb.

That too, he said he'd break up with me. Douchebag.

Yeah, well, I think if any guy ever says that, or vice versa, you don't want to be with him, because that's the most natural thing in the world, is farting. Really, In fact, I wish I had one. Now, I'd let one rip what I haven't.

I've also heard of someone who's going out with a new girl and he hasn't farted in front of her, so he'll actually go out to the car to fart before he goes and asleep. Oh you tell it. So, yeah, we've actually heard this guy that we know. He's been dating her for a year and they've even been overseas together, and so while they were overseas, as an excuse to go far outside, he'd go on like field, drink bottles up, or pretend to be going somewhere.

And then every time.

He stays at her house, he leaves his overnight bag in the car so he has an excuse to go out and get it to far and she always think his bloody got on set dementia or something.

Well, I think he's fucked in the head. If you ask me, that's a lot of work just for a fart. Well, I believe. Well, I'll ask you girls, if a guy farted in front of you after the first week, what would you think.

Oh, I think it's just a normal thing for guys to do. If I fight it after first week, I would be mortified.

And I don't know.

In that situation with this guy who doesn't far in front of it, I would think there was something wrong because imagine if you were the first to fight, Like I feel like the guy has to be the first to fight, otherwise you're thinking, who is this guy?

That's not normal? That what that guy did?

I think it shows a level of comfort if you are willing to pass wind in front of your part I think.

That's the best way to describe it. I think once you find in front of each other, you know you feel comfortable with each other. If it's after the first week, kudos to you.

I reckon now along with the same sort of line, doctor X, when do you think you should use your partner's bathroom to do an number two?

Your partner's bathroom?

Yeah, so, like if you were it on a first, second, third date with the girl, you probably wouldn't feel comfortable to go to the bathroom.

And do that.

It is a bit orkie, but you know what, if you've got to go, you've got to go, you know. You know, there's times we just can't you can't wait to get home. And I don't like stopping at service stations, so I'm one of those that And it's the worst part about doing that is if it's really quiet in the house and the toilet's next to where the people are and you're trying to getting out really softly, that's fucking hard, you know, and all it wants to do is just get the hell out of there. That's a

I actually remember this guy I was going out with.

I went to use his toilet and he lived in a sharehouse with another group of guys, and I walked in. There was no toilet paper next to the toilet, and then there were complete skinties all over, like it was like someone had done one of those reverse Kangi poos in the toilet.

It was disgusting.

Yeah, the no toilet paper is not a good thing either.

I had a store and I'm this is one hundred percent true about a guy. He was dating a girl from his work and they had been dating for that long, but she slept over at his house and she got up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, and unbeknownst to him, she'd done a number two. And when he woke up, he found that there was a pool in his sink, and she'd left like she she'd done that Perlin gone, And so he was like, oh my god, this is so weird.

So he ended up.

Actually breaking up with the girl and he wrote sorry she it's gotten hard at work or.

Something like that.

Was she drunk?

It must have been drunk, surely. No, that's pretty fucked up.

I have no idea. It's like this, mystery, it's like this. I have no idea.

Why I've been drunk when I was younger to that extreme. But I've never shit in a base?

What is it in a sink?

In a sink? Never?

No?

Well, actually funny, wasn't.

There toilet normally next to the sink?

Yeah?

Well, actually on the subject, on the subject to poos, it's so funny because a friend told me that he knew somebody that this couple they bought a brand new house, and so they had this beautiful bathroom, and apparently.

They had this rule that they would never pooh in the bar.

Sorry, they had a rule that they'd never pooh in the toilet. So they used to nip down the road to do their number two's at the petrol station.

That's nearly that's nearly as fucked up as the other story.

But I was thinking, maybe is it ridiculous? Is it because they didn't want each other to smell their poos?

That's stupid. Everybody shit stinks.

Sorry, yeah, that's true. Sorry, we'd do another quick fire.

Question is another ship question?

Who should pay for a first date. Do you get and do you get Offendedive girls don't offer to pay.

All depends who the girl is. Growing up, I never paid because I was a tight ass, but as I got older it didn't bother me to pay, and not really, I wouldn't get a if she did an.

Offer, so you would split it.

I feel weird when I split a tab with a girl. I don't know why. I just feel like it's my duty to pay for it if I like her not, you know, if I don't know, if we're not that good friends, then I would expect her to pay her own way.

So if you're on a date with someone that you don't like, you won't pay the bill.

If someone that I don't like, I wouldn't be with her in the first place.

If you've kind of figured out all this is going, nowhere we go.

I'll just cut my losses, pay for it, never see her again.

Well, thank you so much for joining us tonight, dr X Ladies.

It's been my pleasure and I just.

Have a feeling this segment is going to be extremely popular, So if you have any questions you'd like to ask dr X, please send them through on our Facebook and Instagram Cage, which is Outspoken Underscore the Underscore podcast. Now. We are a small, independent podcast, so we really would appreciate your support online. If you have enjoyed the episode tonight, can you take a screenshot on your phone and share it to your socials, put it up on your Insta story,

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Es